3 Secrets for Responding to Rude People Like a Boss | Shut them up for good

do not talk about yourself at all don't use i language at all let's talk about navigational phrases remember that navigational phrases help you direct conversations and relationships when they seem to be kind of going off track when people use the language of leaders or good navigators other people tend to follow them so use navigational phrases correctly like let's keep moving let's remain on course let's stay focused now this week i wanted to mention unidirectional signals what i'm talking about is i want to signal to everybody who's listening or watching this is where the attention should be not on me not on that you know rudy ruderson right there so you can throw attention at me i'm going to deflect it and send it unilaterally right there so for example if uh rudy rudison you know where to make whatever comment it is and this is the beauty of having these types of duct tape phrases duct tape phrases or phrases that you can use in a variety of different circumstances and phrases such as let's remain focused let's stay on track those are duct tape phrases you can use them for anything now watch the interruption comes over here without missing a beat i'm not going to look at you i'm simply going to say let's stay focused let's stay on track now you'll notice i do two things there i'm leaning in towards where i would like the focus to be but i'm also giving that person the universal stop gesture i am stopping you i am blocking you that's all you're gonna get for me a stop and a block that's it that's the only body language that you get where i am deflecting from you and i'm putting the energy the attention back to where it should be my boss the meeting leader whomever is speaking whatever that is now if i'm the one who's speaking excuse me if i'm the one who's speaking when this interruption happens from rudy ruderson it's a little bit different right because where am i going to send you know the energy that i should be deflecting take a deliberate moment a lot of people feel as though they think that they need to respond quickly to other people and you know talk real fast and that that somehow shows that they have some type of you know communication skill or power it does not do that many times what it does is it reveals our own insecurities and makes us appear vulnerable because we are so quick to defend against something and remember that when people see you defend against anything never never defend never defend against anything because what it does is reveals that you believe something needs defending and we only defend what we believe to be vulnerable so do not defend anything in public ever don't do that but sometimes we need a moment to think wait a minute what is it that i'm supposed to be doing when you take a breath like that it communicates something you know what it does is it communicates you are all gonna wait on the edge of your seat for what i have to say because it's that good it's worth waiting for and you're gonna like it you're gonna like the weight you know or would you take a drink [Applause] let's stay focused you know and you just you display to everybody you know what i'm going to do i'm going to take a moment to think about this and i'm going to choose to stay focused and not give that person attention now having said that if that troublemaker you know if rudy a moment later contributes in a in a in a constructive way it could be by delivering negative criticism but somehow contributes in an appropriate way i will give them my full attention showing them and that up and everybody else who's watching and listening i will give you my complete attention i'm not trying to be rude to you i will not block you or give you the silent treatment forever as long as you're engaging with me in an appropriate way i will engage with you in an appropriate way if however you're engaging in an inappropriate way you don't exist to me let's stay on track and that's the way it is with me okay so having said that now let's get to the acb to deflect this is a biggie when you can't simply keep going and ignore it anymore you need to address it and you need to address it in public as it's happening if you need to do that if you have decided that this is where we're going remember the a c b to defect a stands for adjective c consequence b behavior now notice when i talk about a specific three-part pattern like this one i'm delivering this to you this way in this order for a reason you want to end with that person's specific behavior you're leaving yourself completely out of it and you're starting with an adjective that describes their behavior that sounds like this it's surprising instead of i'm surprised or it's troubling instead of i'm troubled by the way i love to say i'm troubled at work because nobody ever says i'm troubled and when you say i'm troubled people are like oh my gosh what about this i don't hear people say that a whole lot troubled i'm so troubled it's troubling instead okay it's confusing so that's step one i'm talking about your behavior it's confusing it's it's troubling it's striking it's upsetting whatever it is it is now again this is one of those situations where because you're not saying i'm upset or i'm troubled what you're doing again is you're taking this word you know it's troubling it's confusing it's concerning you're taking that concern that trouble that whatever it is and you're you're throwing it up into the luminiferous ether and it's going to then sprinkle back down onto the heads of the listeners and they're going to be like i'm kind of trouble i am kind of concerned i am kind of confused okay so you're you are planting the seed and everybody who's there in their minds the effect this behavior has not on me it's the effect it has don't you think wouldn't you agree with that okay step number two the consequence of their behavior we should know what people's hot buttons are you know we want to save our talking for situations like this at work you know what we want to do most of the time is listen gather information gather information you know i want to be listening to what's important to you you know your reputation your relationships did you and i just happen to have to sit through a diversity training seminar you know i give diversity training seminars i'd love to set your mind i would not like to sit through most people's okay by the way if you need diversity or communication training be sure to click the link above and go to daniconotraining.com fill out the form i'll come to your company so the consequences i like to deliver are going to be things like you know really if you have just a few duct tape consequences they kind of tend to sound like this that somebody's so concerned about her reputation would be putting it at risk that's a consequence based on what you're doing now remember what you're actually doing i'm going to state at the end but the consequences you know that somebody who's so concerned about their relationships here at work would put them in jeopardy or that somebody who just sat through a diversity training seminar would put this entire company at risk or that somebody who so values his professional reputation would tarnish it or that somebody who's so intelligent would risk being seen is so foolish okay now i'm going to say what you did at the very end by using aegis language like that now when you get to the actual behavior be specific you know don't say i'm talking like that no you know don't say things like you know by by using that type of language what type of language you know be specific by using inflammatory racist language like that at work or by using ages language like that or by being vulgar or by by bringing politics into the workplace by whatever it is be specific so to put it all together it might sound like this john it's troubling why somebody who cares so much about his professional reputation would put it at risk simply to tell that joke let's stay on track okay so you could just say all of that you know i could say something like you know mary it's concerning that somebody who just sat through a diversity training seminar would put this entire company as well as her own professional career at risk by using aegis language like that let's stay on track okay now you'll notice i didn't talk about me i did not say i don't appreciate that i didn't say anything other than i'm going to highlight exactly what you are doing right now what the consequence is and then when i'm all done doing that i'm going to put my attention back to where it should be and we're going to keep going there you go when would you practice saying things like that when you're the one who can do that really when you're the one who practices it now that takes practice to be able to say [Applause] it's concerning that somebody who really values the relationships that she has here at work would put those relationships at risk by using that type of racist language see on track okay you know when you can deliver something like that it's because you practiced it now if you have learned any type of language patterns you know chances are when you if you've arrived here you're probably already a subscriber to this channel remember if you're not uh if you want to learn by the way more tactical scripting techniques and things like that just like we're talking about here check that out at danielleconnortraining.com or become a member to either this or that channel remember to practice these things because when the situations arise it's going to be too late to have to stop and think wait what was it that i was supposed to say or talk about you'll use i language you'll say things like you know i don't appreciate that when that happens don't don't beat yourself up just remember that if you do you know say things like i don't appreciate that better luck next time you just blew it practice practice these skills and remember that next week we're going to be talking about these types of situations and how to address them you know when people are insulting or root or whatever at home in the meantime you know during this presidential debate season i would like to say that we here at dan o'connor training could use your support so if you want to support this channel and you know not be a communication freeloader remember to share like and comment on this video and if you would like me to answer your question as i'm doing this with private make sure to subscribe to this channel and leave your question in the comments below and then i will answer it in a video response like this if i can i'll try to get to everybody's it takes me a while sometimes but remember to subscribe to this channel and keep the bell on you know there are different bell settings now make sure to keep your bells set to the big diggling so that you can get notified when your answer comes out or when more videos like this come out so that you can enjoy them and usually if you have something that's bothering you you know we're all part of the global conversation and the collective consciousness if something's really if you're noticing it is a pattern it keeps popping up talk about it here and we can all benefit from talking about solutions so i'm very grateful that you would trust me to help you find solutions private and i hope that you didn't mind that i was you know exposing your privates to the whole world

Channel: The Wizard of Words

Views: 485,014

Keywords: 3 secrets for responding to rude people like a boss, secrets for responding to rude people, 3 secrets for responding to rude peaple like a boss, 3 secrets for responding to rude people liek a boss, respond to rude coworkers like a boss, responses for rude coworkers, how to respond to rude comments, rude comments, how to deal with rude people at work, how to respond to rude people, Dealing with rude people, how to handle difficult people at work, How to handle rude people

Id: JvuQIzbuzY8

Length: 12min 12sec (732 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 04 2019