Oh hey! Here I am, breaking the fourth wall
for the fourth time. It’s a weak-ass wall if you're asking me. Now I know you’ve all been
waiting on the edge of your seats to see the trailer spoof of my movie, so you’re all gonna be incredibly
disappointed to find out that these two losers decided not to do my trailer! Apparently I’m too weird to spoof. And I couldn’t argue that point. So I reluctantly consented to host this Trailer Trash-Up, featuring scenes from 10 trailers not as good as mine. So without further ado, I give you the 2020 Trailer Trash-Up! Roll the clip! ♪ NAAAAH! IT'S THE LION KING! ♪ ♪ WITH PHOTOREAL CGI! ♪ ♪ CGI... That looks like a real photo! ♪ ♪ (Ye-e-eah!) ♪ Uhhhhh... How many were in this litter? You get three more tries, Rafiki, before we give this job to someone else. My father was a lighthouse keeper. My mother was a queen. And when their surface-level attraction
inevitably dried up, I got stuck with the damn lighthouse keeper! I could have grown up in the lap of luxury. And then thrown it all in their faces. I will be dividing my time
between the land and the water. I wish to be financially independent and to make it on my own steam and my own undisclosed millions
from my royal trust fund. When I found you, your very human brain was miraculously intact. Miraculous. So if you experience any mental issues, I don’t know anything about it. Uh... Can I get a lift with someone? Please don’t come with us. We want to live. Who are you? My name is Sarah Connor. I changed the future. Saved 3 billion lives. Enough of a resume for you? We’re still interviewing people,
so if you’re successful we’ll be in touch. But we are going to need to speak to
those 3 billion references. Next! Good morn-- afternoon. Let’s start with your experience. I once completely dismantled a clock radio. Skynet better watch its back! Aladdin, bring me the lamp. No problemo. Got it! "Cave of Wonders" my ass! Coulda just gone to the butcher. Lamp. With a p! Oh yeah - I saw that in there. You know, apart from the P,
there’s not much difference. NO! LAMP! L-A-M-P - LAMP! Ohhhh! Kind of a funny misunderstanding
when you thing about it. WRONG LAMP! Oh come on! I mean it’s gotta be this one, right? NOOO! IT'S AN OIL LAMP! It’s a gravy boat. You put oil in it,
it works the same way. NOOO!!! I DON'T WANT IT FOR LIGHTING PURPOSES!!! You know something, Jafar? I don’t think you know what you want. John Wick: excommunicado in effect in three... Two... One. Assassins. They’re nothing if not punctual. Go for the balls! I know you died... somewhere between the third and seventh knives, but I’ve got a hundred of these things... and I’ll be damned... if I’m not gonna use them all! This is what happens when you don’t wear a seatbelt. Rey? What are you doing standing in the middle
of a desert? Are you TRYING to get run over? Yes? May I help you? I used to live here. Won’t you come in? It’s the least I can do. No, you can do less. DON’T invite me in - that’s already less. Get in here. You know what they say about Derry. No one who dies here ever really dies. They just give you the silent treatment. Like my husband. Yeah I was just about to mention him - he’s definitely dead. No - he’s only Derry-dead. Derry-dead to the world. Sometimes I frolic about naked
to see if I can catch him off-guard. No luck just yet, but I’ve got time. Look at me. Focus on my voice. - Stop.
- I’m not giving up on you, Jean. - Who's Eugene?
- You’re my family, Jean. - Stop.
- No matter what.
- Stop! Now will you at least try it on? STOP!!! Can you please stop bothering my kid? His father died performing peekaboo! I don’t want him reliving repressed trauma! Uncle Scar? Why do you hate my Dad? I don’t want to flashback about it. Hey Mufasa! You want to go play
in the Elephant Graveyard? Ugh, that place is so dead. Well you want to do something else? No. You’re the best big brother in the world! Run away, Sufasa, and never return. AAAARGH! MY FACE! Ha ha ha! That’s going to leave a scar. I’m think I'll call you "Scar" from now on. And when I am king, I’m going to make
everyone call you Scar. Oh, I just can’t wait to be king. Your half-brother King Orm is a total dick-weed. Dick-weed is a type of flora that grows down here. A war is coming to the surface. And I’m bringing the wrath of the Seven Seas. Confidence. Commitment. Creativity. Caution. Cleanliness. Culture, and Candor. Alita is new here. Cool. I can reuse all my old lines. Hey is that a mirror in your pocket? Cos I-- oh no it’s just reflective metal. Does it bother you? That I’m not completely human? You kidding? My last serious girlfriend was inflatable. And she dumped me! Does it bother you that the non-human parts
require at least 1200 dollars’ worth of maintenance every week? Whoa-- really? Uh... I guess not. Does it bother you that one of my eyes
is more gigantic than the other? I... hadn’t noticed. Does it bother you that I want kids? No. Does it bother you that I can’t have kids? - No.
- Does it bother you that I keep asking
if things bother you? - Starting to...!
- Does it bother you when I do this? OK, IT BOTHERS ME! YOU WIN - I’M BOTHERED! I’M BOTHERED BY EVERYTHING YOU SAID! YOU ARE BOTHERSOME TO ME! How dare you. When this is all over, I am going to kill you. So I should really try to drag this out. We have to get out of the country. I’ll book a Tiger Air flight. You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you? Actually, this is a smoother flight than I expected. Admit it, Al. You ain’t never had a friend like me! It’s true. I’ve never had a friend who didn’t want to
kill me and steal my shoes. Woah! Let’s not get ahead of ourselves - we only just met. Seriously? You don’t even have feet. Hey can you make me a prince? Oh. A prince? That’s what you’re into? It's not a problem, I just thought
you were crushing on the PrincESS. but OK - your wish is my command. - Shazam.
- No no no--! Well hello there. I find you very attractive ALAS!!! As a Prince, I must never fraternise with the commoners. No. No no no. That’s not what I meant. Take it back. Hey! Never be ashamed of who you are. But always be ashamed of WHERE you are, in society. You shouldn’t be here. Good to see you too. It’s been a long time. You’re looking well. Nice of you to say. Crazy weather we’ve been having lately. I don’t get out to the movies as much as I’d like to. Do you ever feel like we’re taking the phrase “shooting the breeze” much too literally? Enough small talk. What, uh... What’re ya doin’ there, Threepio? Taking one last look, sir... at my friends. Oh. I didn't realise you knew any of these droids. I didn't even think they were droids.
I... I thought it was set dressing. I think he means us. What's us? I think he thinks... we're his friends. Oh come on, no he doesn't. Give him some credit - he's not completely
deluded and pathetic. Strap a gold bikini on him,
he’s basically our slave! Haha. You WERE referring to us, weren’t you? You can go ahead and erase my memory now. - Hello?
- Kid! Hello... No. Please. I just windexed that. Oh you’re right! I can taste it! Now I really need to eat a kid, to cleanse my palate! I’m not afraid of you! Ooh! So you want to see something truly terrifying? Meow! We're all pussies now, aren't we? You’re special, Jean. Naaaw. Thank you, Chastalien. More special than, say... Mystique? Yes. And even if you weren’t,
you certainly saw to that, didn’t you? Ouch. The only thing she had over you was a cooler name. What do you think about... "Dark Turkey"? Oh, I’m sure we can come up with a better word. OK, fine. "Cold Turkey". This is the last time we’ll be meeting. You don’t listen, do you? Of course I christen. I christened all three of my kids. You just ask the same questions every week: "How’s your job?" "Are you free next week?" "Are you having any negative thoughts?" All I have are negative thoughts. Like, what would happen if you reversed
all the colours in a photograph? You see? I can’t stop. Simba? I can’t believe it! - You’re all grown up!
- So are you! Where have you been? I thought you were dead! Oh you gotta meet friends, Timon and Pumbaa! A meerkat and a warthog! They’re hilarious! Warthogs... Are those the gassy ones
that squeal a lot when you bite them, and.. taste like smoked bacon? Uh... maybe. Obviously I’ve never bitten or tasted him, cos... he’s my friend. And meerkats... They’re the jumpy little ones with the really small bones
that get caught in your teeth, right? Er... It’s possible. Again, he’s my friend, so... I wouldn’t know how his bones fit between my teeth. Well I look forward to eating them. I mean meeting them! Hakuna Matata, right? Where did you hear that wonderful phrase? You think you’re unworthy to lead
because you're of two different worlds? That is exactly why you are worthy. If you start dating someone who lives in the sky, you’re a shoe-in. Before you say anything, I don’t live in the sky, Arthur. But I am prepared to make a go of it. I’m gonna need you to stand way back. I’m trying to pick up so I can’t have anyone
thinking we’re together. But we are together. Nah. “Alita Battle Angel”? More like... "A-Cheat-a... who... Belittles... and turns a 180-degree Angle"! Drinks all round! This chick is awesome! I’m with her. No he’s not. He’s on his own! Kill him! Who was that random? I’ll be back-broken if I have to
carry this grenade all day. Why did you arm it? I think you just destroyed the bridge supports-- Keep walking. As long as you don’t look back, you’re still cool. Do you trust me? I did. Until I met your boyfriend. Al! Stop pretending to be something you’re not. YOU AGAIN! Jas, I don’t even know this guy! I just wished him into existence! That’s how it feels when you meet the love of your life. - He's not the--!
- Al, Do not embroil this poor girl in your sorry charade. Come home. I’M NOT GAY! It was all just a big... wishunderstanding! Tell me, Princess, now when did you last let your true sexuality decide? All of this for what? Because of a puppy? It wasn’t just a puppy. It was best in show. Why did you shoot her? She was helping you. It’s how I say thank you. Right. Well I validated your parking. I can’t thank you enough. No, you’ve already thanked me too much. I crack me up. I thought you were dead. I suppose if you can come back
from a fatally high drop and a planet-sized explosion,
there’s hope for us all. Young fool. I have been pulling the strings
of the First Order this entire time. Don't believe me? No, I don’t. Just rewatch Force Awakens. You can see me pulling the strings of Starkiller Base. And Last Jedi? I was doing the motion-capture for Snoke
just off-camera. Also, my middle name is Blofeld and I am the author of all James Bond's pain! What? I am so retroactively evil. Georgie? You lied and I died! No! Nothing scares me more than rhyming! I cried inside when I tried to bring you outside
to guide my paper boat ride but your snide pride threw me by the wayside
and now I reside in liquefied fluoride! NOOOOOOO!!! If I can’t read your mind, I’ll crush it! Feel the wrath of Cold Turkey! Tell me how to fix this, Charles!
Tell me what to do! I don’t know what to do! I don’t think this can be fixed, Scott. He’s in there really tight. Uh... Murray... one small thing. Yeah. When you bring me out... can you introduce me as Joker? Multiple clown acts in the one show? I don’t think so. Lose the makeup, Bozo! You’re going to have a hard time following that, cos I literally killed out there! HEY! Do the words “private dressing room” mean-- Aaah I can’t even be bothered enough to care. Hello there! Click subscribe or I’ll come find yoooou! It only requires the force of one rogue finger
pushing a button. Hello Rey. Would you like to buy a balloon? I only have red in stock. Why do I need to buy it? I’ve seen you giving out hundreds of them for free. Hey! I’m Pennywise, not Pennystupid. [HARLEY QUINN]
Well, that was one of the worst things I ever saw! It was so disjointed! The only part I could really identify with
was that smokeshow blonde at the beginning. It's no wonder she has her own movie. I bet there’s folks everywhere just Preyin'
they get a chance to see it! But yeah, after that... I lost interest.
