19 easy things that make you feel instantly
confident Intro I’m not much of a high heel type of woman. Not because I don’t want to be, but because
I walk a lot. Rarely will I ever leave home just for a short
stroll. And so, I choose comfort. Recently I found an old pair of boots of mine. They have a pointy toe, very small heel, but
you wouldn’t know by the sound of them. Like, they sound like stilettos. I think. Of course, I had forgotten about that, as
I put them on the other week, went outside, and felt instant regret as the click clack
hit the pavement, but I was too lazy to get back inside and change. I felt self conscious for that entire walk. Like everyone was staring. I tried walking in a way that doesn’t make
noise and it just made me feel even weirder. You’d think I’d swear off wearing those
boots ever again, or at least, 7 in the morning. But I like the way they look, and I don’t
ever want my mind ghosts to stop me from doing something. And so. I wore them again, and I’ve kept wearing
them for a couple weeks, and in that time, something interesting has happened. I’ve gone from feeling self conscious in
my loud ass boots, to feeling confident in them. Just yesterday I was out and about running
errands here in the city. It was really hot outside, I was sweaty, I
was carrying Fred in my arms as well as my jacket that I had taken off. It wasn’t my best look, but somehow, the
little click clack sounds made me feel like the world was my runway, as if with each step
I took, I was announcing that there’s a fine woman coming through. This is all in my head, of course. Literally no one was looking at me. I never feel that way when I’m walking in
my sneakers. And it’s got me thinking: what are some
other small, not-so-obvious things that may boost self-confidence? Confidence comes from a Latin word 'fidere' which means
"to trust"; therefore, having self-confidence is having trust in one's self. Wikipedia always gives the best definitions. Personally, I define confidence as being aware
that I’m actually cool and competent. Broadly speaking, of course. Here are some things that have helped with
that: TWO: Leaving self-labels in the past. I strongly believe that the labels we use
to describe ourselves impact our lives more than we think. Even when we use them jokingly. I avoid saying things like “I’m weird”
or “I suck”. Basically, I won’t call myself anything
that I don’t want to be. I’m not going to say “I’m awkward”
if I don’t want to be awkward. And if I feel like I need to use such a word
to describe what I’m feeling, I’ll find a way to communicate it using different words. THREE: If you’ve ever been socially anxious,
you know what it’s like to get caught up in
thoughts like “What do I sound like?”, “are my hand gestures weird?”, “How
do I look?”. It’s just a bunch of I’s. And look, caring about how we’re perceived
is human nature. And to a certain extent, we should care. But it’s easy to get so caught up in our
thoughts about ourselves, that we forget to listen, to be present, to pay attention to
anything happening outside of ourselves. I’ve gotten better at reminding myself to
shift my focus outward instead. I’ll think things like “What impression
is this person leaving on me? Rather than obsessing over what impression
I’m leaving on them.” I’ll think “Do I like this person?” Instead of worrying they may not like me. Being able to ask good questions because you’ve
been paying attention boosts confidence. Being able to evaluate a person and trusting
your judgment boosts confidence. Remembering what someone said boosts confidence. The list goes on. If you struggle with getting too caught up
in your head, one small piece of advice I have is to wear something that’s going to
remind you each time you look at it, like a ring for example. FOUR: In fact, wear two rings: one that reminds
you to not hunch. Good posture isn't only necessary to give
a good impression on others, but on yourself too! Did you know that your posture matters even
when you're SITTING DOWN? As in, an upright posture can give more confidence
in your own thoughts? Body language makes a world of a difference. Let me actually show you: (clip of walking
hunched vs not hunched) FIVE: I read in a study that Perfumery can
be likened to the nose as music is to the ear. That same study found that 90% of all women
tested in the fragrance study reported feeling more confident when they wore fragrance than
when they did not”. It had the same effect on men. I’m very picky with scents, and it’s taken
me half a lifetime, but I’ve finally found a couple scents that I really like. It’s subtle, it’s yummy, and it gives
me a boost knowing I smell good and I’ve gotten complimented on it, so… SIX: Becoming aware of the spotlight effect. The psychological phenomenon that makes us
all think that people are noticing us more than they actually are. You are the center of your own world, but
you're not the center of everyone else's world. SEVEN: Getting better at small-talk and actually
learning to enjoy it. I truly value human connections and I’m
genuinely interested in people, but striking up conversations with people I don’t know
hasn’t come naturally to me. Until I got a dog. I’d say I’ve probably socialized more
in this past year that I’ve had him, then I did in the three years prior to that. Not a day goes by where I don’t stop and
have a chat with other dog owners. And in the beginning it felt strange, but
now, I don't even think about it. Like I actually enjoy going to the dog park
and hanging out with other hoomans. I just feel more confident approaching people
in general. It just goes to show that the more we do something,
the easier it gets. EIGHT. Becoming more comfortable in my femininity. I’m making a whole separate video on that. It’s truly been life changing. NINE. Don’t choose comfort over happiness. I’ll leave that one up for you to interpret. TEN. Being clueless and confident isn’t admirable,
it’s foolishness. As Charles Bukowski wrote, "The problem with
this world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts and the stupid ones are
full of confidence." I do my best to be well-prepared for situations
that call for it. We all feel good when we’re able to spit
facts and thrive in a meeting or a debate or just a casual conversation even, simply
because we’ve done our homework. And if I’m not prepared or if I’m simply
not knowledgeable on a topic, I’ll just say it. I’ll be like “hey, I have no idea what
the capital of the US is, but I’d love to learn.” I’m kidding. I know it’s New York. ELEVEN. Being useful. We all want to feel like our presence, our
competence and our input matters. Humans have a need to be needed. We want to feel like we’re contributing. We don’t want to feel like an extra that
could easily be switched out. In my opinion, we make ourselves useful by
being competent, which speaks for itself, but also by assuming responsibility. Volunteer to chop the onion or to make that
call. Be useful. And if it gets to a point of people pleasing
and others running you over, you’re in the wrong tribe, my friend. TWELVE. Get a haircut. Try different hairstyles. For me, styled bangs vs unstyled bangs makes
like a 50 % difference in my confidence. THIRTEEN. Make sure you feel good in the clothes you
wear. Do you want people to see you in that outfit? If the answer is no, go change. Don’t go out in the world prepared to hide. FOURTEEN I’ve been trying to adopt more
social optimism, and just optimism in general, which essentially means that I go into situations
expecting a positive outcome to be more likely than a negative outcome. FIFTEEN. And if it doesn’t, I try to be okay with
that and move on with my life. When we grow more resilient, we no longer
fear things like rejection, failure or embarrassment to the extent where we let it hold us back
in life. I’d like to leave you with this quote. I don’t know who originally said it, but
here it is: “A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because
its trust is not on the branch but on its own wings.”
