10 Things that Narcissists Say | Narcissistic Statements and Corresponding Thoughts

welcome to my scientifically informed insider look at mental health topics if you find this video to be interesting or helpful please like it and subscribe to my channel closes dr. Grande today's question asks if I can look at some statements that narcissists make and then talk about what the narcissist is thinking behind those statements so what they are saying and then what they are thinking so I'm going to answer this question by looking at ten situations and then looking at one or more statements that would occur in response to those situations and one or more thoughts with each of those statements so again this will be situation statement and then thought so starting with number one so this would be a situation where somebody really has to pay a compliment to another person this happens even to narcissists they see somebody with a clear skill and they really can't deny that that person has that skill for example if you see somebody who has an incredible musical talent so that's the situation the statement would be not bad but about that's the only thing they know how to do well right so we see minimizing here right off the bat the thought that goes along with this statement could be minimizing their talent means more admiration for me right the narcissist gets ahead and their mind by putting other people down the next statement could be well they're okay I guess but I've heard better so really just another version of minimizing the thoughts behind this statement it's not fair that this person is better at me than anything this is a pretty common position for the narcissist they're really offended that anybody can do anything better than that right they don't want to give up any ground the next thought behind that particular statement about I've heard better I hope this person's high level of skill does not distract people from paying attention to me so just a simple threat model they're they're worried that their admiration source might be threatened and another thought here could be I could develop that same level skill if I felt like wasting my time right so they're really kind of getting to things in there with that particular thought they believe that they can accomplish the same level of musical talent as that person they're looking at which of course is probably very unrealistic but they also are minimizing that person's development of their talent suggesting that working on a talent like that is simply wasting your life away moving to situation number two this is a situation where you're trying to communicate something positive to the narcissist so perhaps you're telling them about a story where you ran into an old teacher of yours and you didn't recognize it at first right you didn't recognize the teacher so 90% of the story would be about how things are going with the teacher right that's what the story's really about you met them you didn't recognize them and then they told you kind of how things have been going for the last many years so the statement here you really couldn't remember somebody that taught you for over a year right so notice that they're not even focused on the main part of the story rather they're looking to deliver an insult so the thought behind this could be I'm so happy I was able to find a way to insult this person even though the story had nothing to do with their weaknesses right so again this is pretty common with a narcissist they really enjoy finding a way to insult other people another thought here finding people's weaknesses is my strength now what's really interesting about this thought here of course is that narcissists aren't actually good at finding other people's weaknesses they're good at saying bad things about other people again good at insulting other people but identifying weaknesses would require insight and having a fairly good understanding of human nature it's two things we don't really tend to see with narcissists situation number three the narcissist viciously criticizes another person right we see this a lot in romantic relationships and work settings and other places so the statement here I'm only telling you the truth for your own good right so this statement is really making two assumptions that they're telling the truth and that they have your best interest at heart the thought here I'm only lying for my own good right so here the thoughts a lot more realistic another statement here even though you're terrible in so many ways maybe someday you can be good enough to understand how great I am so they could be criticizing people so that those people can understand the narcissists greatness that doesn't make a lot of sense to none are but the narcissist that makes complete sense the thought here understanding my greatness is the best that many people can hope for in life moving to the fourth situation this is when the narcissist is confronted about their integrity and of course because of the behavior of the narcissist their integrity is often brought into question so the statement how dare you challenge my integrity who are you to confront me so we see arrogance and a condescending attitude kind of wrapped up in this statement the thought here I'm offended when people feel like they are good enough to criticize me so it's beyond just the insult of the criticism it's that somebody would believe that they're on the level where they can even deliver a criticism to a narcissist the next statement for the same challenge to integrity I never lie alternatively they may say something like I always tell the truth the thought here whatever I say should become the truth so in a sense I really don't lie at all this really speaks to the strong self deceptive nature of narcissism the third statement my integrity is beyond reproach kind of a simple delivery there they're just going to say look my integrity just can't be challenged the thought here nobody will say this about me so I'm forced to say it myself and this could also be kind of wither insulted too right they're insulted to have to say it other people should be thinking of this and saying it for them other people should be coming to their defense instead they're forced to go ahead and say it themselves that's an insult to them situation five is when the narcissist tries to challenge another person's integrity so they try to challenge your integrity sign for was you're challenging their integrity right so with sign five they go and look to try to challenge somebody else the statement everyone else feels the same way that I do you are alone right so they're trying to pretend like everybody's thinking the way they do when they challenge your integrity the thought here I hope they don't check with everybody else right because they know it's not true another thought if I isolate them they will be easier to manipulate this of course is one of the key strategies that a narcissist uses isolation they want you to believe that you're alone and the have the majority on their side situation number six this is when the narcissist is talking about their own failed romantic history the statement all my past romantic partners were losers the thought here anyone who doesn't think I'm perfect or who rejected me is categorized as a loser another thought if we end up having troubles romantically or if you leave me this is what I will say about you to my next romantic interest right so it's pretty clear to see how they treat past boyfriends or girlfriends that's how you're going to be treated if you become a past boyfriend or girlfriend moving a situation number 7 this is when the narcissist is trying to defend against others accusations that they are being abusive in romantic relationship so the narcissist is with another person people that are friends of that person come forward and say to the narcissist look you have been causing harm right so that's a situation but the conversation would be between the two people who are romantically involved so the statement those people can't understand how deep and special our relationship is the thought behind this I'm so special that any relationship I have must be special to another statement here those other people are just jealous of our love right so the thought here would be a good strategy for getting my romantic partner to side with me is being narcissistic together it's us against the world now this is something we see that narcissist do not only romantic situations but in work situations they'll try to get other people to behave narcissistically along with them right that can actually serve their purpose in the romantic situation now they have the romantic partner kind of on their side against those legitimate critics in a work situation the narcissist recruits these narcissistic agents to help discriminate against other people or retaliate against other people that they want out of the organization or they simply want to cause harm to moving a situation number 8 this is when the narcissist is attempting to apologize right so the statements here it doesn't make any sense that you feel that way but I'm sorry that you feel that whay another statement I'm sorry your reaction is not normal right it's not even really an apology next statement I know you need me to say this so here you go I'm sorry or sometimes we hear I'm sorry are you satisfied now so with all of these statements we see really similar thoughts and that would be I'm humiliated to have to say the words I'm sorry but framing the words this way makes it like I'm not really saying it at all so this really speaks to the idea of an insincere apology is an insincere apology an apology at all not really the word insincere essentially invalidates the construct of apologizing moving a situation 9 this is when a narcissist finds out terrible news about somebody else for example they find out that another person has a serious medical disorder the statement I hope it's not contagious but thought behind that who cares what happens to them I need to focus on myself another statement could be well life is tough right just kind of a callous and direct statement one that shows the lack of empathy the thought here could be why do ordinary people waste their time telling me about their bad fortune my time is valuable now moving to the last situation number 10 we really see the flipside of what I was talking about and number 9 this is when the narcissist develops a serious illness themselves right instead of somebody else developing the illness the narcissist has developed it the statement here I can't believe this happened to me what did I do to deserve this the thought behind that why are people wasting time to help others when they could be spending their time helping me a lot of times when we see this type of reaction a narcissist there's a sense of genuine confusion they really don't understand why people try to help a multitude of other people the effort should be focused just on the narcissist at least and their way of thinking another statement what will people do without me right this kind of an existential statement they're facing the end of their own life and they worry sort of about the world it's really more of a grandiose statement than any genuine worry the thought behind this statement could be too anybody understand what losing me would mean to the world right so I can just grandiosity and no connection with logical reasoning in a sense they really do believe that people should be upset because of the tremendous damage worldwide that losing them would cause so it's much more than thinking that friends or family or other people kind of close to the narcissist might be upset they really believe that the whole world is going to take a massive hit because of the loss of the narcissist right because of their life ending it's a major catastrophe and they expect people to react in accordance with that they need people to be running around and alarm and doing their best to help them sacrificing everything to help the narcissist recover so we see the self-centeredness the grandiosity and the sense of being special kind of combined with that one so those are ten situations and some statements and thoughts that go along with them some of these are fairly common situations we see what narcissists other situations don't happen too often but we still see common reactions many narcissists tend to react the same way to those different stimuli now I know whenever I talk about narcissism there will be a variety of opinions please put any opinions and thoughts in the comment section they always generate an interesting dialogue as always I hope you found my analysis of this topic to be interesting thanks for watching

Channel: Dr. Todd Grande

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Keywords: things narcissists say, narcissistic statements, narcissistic personality disorder, grandiose narcissism, vulnerable narcissism, covert narcissism, shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, neurotic, shy, manipulative, blame-shifting, gaslighting, self-esteem, manipulation, arrogance, self-centeredness, jealousy, special, unique, fantasy, entitlement, grandiosity, requires admiration, lack of empathy

Id: tzmAOMyKda0

Length: 12min 34sec (754 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 19 2020