10 Signs of Relationally Unsafe People

hi everyone Marc DeJesus here I am a teacher author transformational coach and consultant and I want to help you in understanding something that I think is very important and that is how to navigate and understand safe relationships that you'll want to have in your life but also to pick out signs of people that are just not going to be safe for your healing journey in other words these are not necessarily the people that are going to be helpful in you sharing some of the deep vulnerable places of your life I believe in finding safe people I don't think it's healthy to just broadcast your pain everywhere you go whether it's in public or even in social settings or social media I think there's timely redemptive places where you can share the inner workings and inner struggles of your heart and we live in a day and age where that's difficult to navigate because we're all struggling with stuff we're all working through areas that are tough right now discouragement disappointment broken this expectations not being met being around people that are really really challenging so it's important that you seek out finding people that are gonna be safe for your life for your journey and I want to help you in that process by identifying 10 signs of people that are relationally unsafe these are some things that you can keep in mind as you're developing new relationships meeting new people seeking to live healthy in your life the first one is that they are not self aware this is really important to understand because self-awareness is a foundation to relationships they either don't know how to be self aware or quite frankly they don't want to be so they don't know how they come across they don't realize how they speak they're not aware of social cues maybe and they may not be aware of where you're at they're not getting a sense of where you're at so this can be a dangerous person to try to share intimate details with because if they're not self-aware and they're not relationally aware and if they don't have a social connectivity of how you're doing and how the exchange is going this is not necessarily gonna be a safe person for your life and journey number two is they don't have a respect for your relational boundaries they don't give time for things to grow they may be too intense I'm too demanding or maybe they think the relationship is at a certain level that it's not they just met you and they want to go on vacation they want to have activities that more intimate friends would want to have it's a sign yeah this person they may not get it right now and and they need to maybe chill out just a little bit and be more aware of the process of the relationship number three is a big one they're terrible listeners meaning that they spend a lot of their time talking they spend a lot of time listen when when you say what you're saying they respond by going right back into their gear again one of the critical aspects of relational health is you know how to be a healthy active listener you show that you are hearing what they're sharing you show you understand there's empathy there this is something that we're not necessarily taught and we need to learn how to be active listeners not just sitting in steering but showing through body language engagement and how we respond that we are listening and understanding what they're communicating to us but number four is the big one this is a real big sign of an unsafe person they're not vulnerable they don't share struggle they don't share in a way that reveals that they're flawed and this is very concerning because if they're not going to share their own then they're certainly not going to be someone who can listen and really be a source of encouragement for your own journey for your own struggles and your own things that you're going through number five is when they talk about others you know they can point out the flaws of others but never reveal their own so it's easy they can point the finger they can talk about how this is a problem that person's a problem this in society is a problem these things are a problem in this area but they never really share yeah but here's where I struggle you become a very safe compassionate powerful person when you are honest about your own vulnerabilities before you ever talk about any other situation number six this I find to be a key very very highly important key they talk about the brokenness and failures of others with harsh criticism and judgment so if you want to test out whether somebody is a safe person here's an easy one talk about some kind of situation that's tricky maybe a public situation if someone's brokenness or some some some maybe fallout and somebody's life whose public and you bring up the subject and see how they respond to it is it just judgment criticism is it just Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam you know even look at social media do they respond to situations with a bodyslam all the time this is not a safe person that you're gonna want to share aspects of your life with because they're gonna respond in similar ways into how you're going through things in your own life so to me that's a critical one if I want a safe relationship in my life then we're gonna test out how do you respond to certain subjects especially when it comes to other people's brokenness so that's number six is it talk about others with judgment and criticism number seven is they spend most of their conversations talking about themselves so even when you bring up something about yourself they respond by going right into a story about themselves not in a way of hey you know that reminds me of something maybe this could be of help and sharing they go into their own inner tunnel make it about themselves and they have completely forgotten you've shared something that needs to be validated or understood before they just move on and and run down the highway unsafe people also number eight they give answers to everything quick answers very pad answers unfortunately Christians are notorious for this because we love cliches we love to use like quick statements that have no depth no thought we love to just hey praying for you hey God will make away God's gonna work it out you'll get through it this too shall pass we just kind of say something to make ourselves feel better and tie a ribbon and a bow on something and we don't know how to just pause listen and take it in and just be a friend and just be a safe person where they can process because a lot of things that people are going through if they just have someone to listen can help solve so much of what they're going through I've had so many people that I've I've had a personal sessions with where I was just a very active listener and by the end of it there was so much relief peace a sense of love because they felt heard and understood so don't feel like you have to fix people when they talk to you don't start with trying to fix someone start with just loving someone right where they're at being an active listener and when you talk share in a way that breathes life but not I gotta fix you you know what if you just read this or maybe if you look at this book or maybe if you do this show that empathy in that care and when God opens the door then share some answers but our our immaturity comes out and how quickly we just slap down answers and I actually find that the more mature people get the more they actually listen the more mature you get the less you realize of what you actually know you think the more mature you get the more you think you know actually you're more aware of how much you don't know the more mature you get the more your answers are these Pat answers or these shallow answers or these it you take time to think through what you would even want to say not in trying to fix it not having the pressure to fix this person but really your basis is to love them a to more number nine is that there's just too much too soon they intensely overpraise you without getting to know you it's like man you're the greatest person I've met I can't believe I've met a friend like you I'm going all-in with you you know they say very intense statement up front that show and realize they're not relationally aware they not learn to let proc relationships take their time if you see anything in me show me right away like that's that's a flag because usually that's not gonna go well very intense too much too fast it's gonna leave you in a place of hurt and pain because then what's gonna happen is number 10 they're gonna put unhealthy expectations on you and beware when they praise you and pull you into this like platform that you know you're not gonna fulfill the demand and they will demand that you be something for them when really you don't have to be anything to them but just to love them and just to be a safe place for them to process so these are some of the the signs I put together they're not all of them put in your comments some areas that you find people can be relationally unsafe what are some things that you find our size ago this person's not a relational safe person but what you don't want to do is you don't want to use these reasons to stop pursuing healthy relationships you want to use them as cues for your health so that you can steer into newer directions but you want to have people in your life and I encourage people even if it's just one one person in your life that you can let the filters down and you don't feel like you have to be guarded you have to watch everything you're saying you could just be totally yourself and be able to exchange in that way you'll realize in life that people and relationship don't necessarily allow you to be yourself they want you to a certain role for them you need to find that one person don't get overwhelmed that you don't have three or ten is that one person you say you know what God helped me to pursue relationship here where I can be myself and we could grow together where we're gonna both give and take pitch and catch and contribute to each other's growth in journey if you want to work on your relationship lens I really want to encourage you to get a hold of this book exposing the rejection mindset because you can't change other people if people are unsafe you can't change them you can't make them be better for you and you can try to have good conversations to try to elevate the relationship to the next level all you can do is work on yourself this book is gonna help you to work on yourself so that you can have better love relationship with God have a better sense of identity and who you are in yourself and then bring that to your relationships and what the rejection mindset book will help you with is to uncover some of the bad filters that you carry that keep you in the same relationship patterns over and over again it'll help you to be more self aware and to bring better health into the people that you're interacting with so you can be a blessing so you can love them so I pray there's been a blessing and a help to your life and journey god bless you have a great day for more information go to mark DeJesus dot-com and I look forward to continuing to be a blessing to your life thanks so

Channel: Mark DeJesus

Views: 123,018

Rating: 4.882143 out of 5

Keywords: Safe Relationships, Unsafe People, Unsafe Relationships, Safe and Unsafe Relationships

Id: B2tENwf7Qqk

Length: 12min 28sec (748 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 08 2019