10 Minutes of Non-Stop Puns With Stewart Francis | PUN GENT | Universal Comedy

I love twister and although I recently met a beautiful woman while playing twister I don't know where I stand with her she was the best twister player I've ever seen hands down for me it's always hard talking to a pretty woman and then she'll notice it and it'll go soft again what you gonna do my last girlfriend had a really irritating habit she used to constantly name everyone who sat at the Round Table night after night after night uh tedious I went to the annual procrastinators Halloween party in August where my pinata costume was a hit I met a beautiful woman she's dressed like a frisbee anyway she got really drunk and threw herself at me met a couple of beautiful women they're dressed like cheese so I said hey ladies why don't we go upstairs for a little fromage Artois foreign we did and the sex was Gouda the cheese puns go that was great by the way ladies I'm fantastic in the sack why just last weekend I won three races I once had a girlfriend from Limerick who always admired my ability to not conform she had me in bits when she showed me her dolphin tattoo is my French wife into golden showers we we we toilet roll company velvet say they replaced three trees for every one tree they use I don't know it sounds like a lot of to me really velvet I refuse to let the fact that I wear a colostomy bag deter me from taking Taekwondo lessons and now I have a brown belt foreign I'm obsessed with toilet humor according to my therapist who is built like a brick he's the same therapist that told me I can't read body language and you won't believe what else he said are you sitting down he accused me of being an in denial stalker I said I don't follow he said I think you like to stalk people you just refuse to acknowledge it I said I'm not with you thank you he said Mr Francis I'm just going to end this session and go home I said to five Riverdale Road he said Mr Francis is there something you're trying to tell me I said yes there is in the middle of the night when you're sound asleep you look adorable may I smell your hair again he said I don't I don't have a hair again I say that I don't even know what a hurricane is now please get dressed and leave all of these jokes are in my autobiography I've not been able to sell one copy of my autobiography Story of My Life and yet on the best seller list the book I wrote about poupons has just gone number two those of you laughing at my poo puns thanks you've done me a solid it's nice to think they've left their mark poo puns I do do them I do do other puns I will be doing puns about Canadian Wildlife bear with me I've been doing puns about lizards from the gecko I will be doing puns about monkeys it's a gibbon I don't do puns about lions I pride myself on that I used to do puns about farm animals but that was hen this is cow if you're hoping that I don't do puns about people with crooked teeth brace yourself if you're waiting for me to do a pun about Peter Crouch wearing armor you're in for a long night I've been doing puns about Motown music ever since I was three four tops I love the Four Tops if [Music] I like sensation drive a big expensive car I would buy you everything [Music] oh fans of the Four Tops I see but not everyone is a fan of the Four Tops nor are they fans of Music puns I recently performed on The Beautiful Malaysian island of Sumatra and they hated my music puns one local was particularly outspoken as to how much he hated my music puns he was a very Frank Sumatra but I found hi honey no he's still on stage I gotta go he's repeating everything I say here's one you know that ball launcher Gadget you see people with on on the beach and in Parks did you know that that ball launcher Gadget was invented by a dog I know it sounds far-fetched but it actually I now live in a caravan I I don't I don't like living in a caravan it's only when I move my Caravan beside a driving range that I really hit home how many golf puns do I have no just the one four that's hilarious well done you how did I miss that is so obvious feel I've let you down I'll never do that again sorry one of the golf balls recently took out my satellite dish which means I don't get any television reception which breaks my heart I love television my favorite shows Two and a Half Men I love that show I also love hoarders I've seen every episode of Hoarders I've taped every episode of Hoarders must have like 5 000 tapes in my living room where do they find these people 3 000 tapes in my kitchen I watched doomsday films like there's no tomorrow I do love British television I I now live here in Britain so that worked out nicely I go back to Canada on holiday I noticed when I go back there on holiday that they have the same shows over there as we have over here just with different names in Canada they have a show called cheaters where married people and people in relationships cheat with other married people and people in relationships over here of course it's called Strictly Come Dancing how many Len Goodman puns do I have no just the one seven that was hilarious well done you how did I miss that it's so obvious I feel I'll let you down I'll never do that again sorry

Channel: Universal Comedy

Views: 299,594

Keywords: Comedy, Universal Comedy, Universal, Stand Up, Stand Up Comedy, Comedian, Stand Up Comedian

Id: iRJsOd_QPPA

Length: 10min 4sec (604 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 18 2023