Shall I be 100% honest? Is that alright?
[interivewer] Yes! Be honest. If you had to struggle just... Even like how I came to Islam, honest. When I was in university and it was sort of the first day
of secondary uni and there was the Islamic society
in the sort of um, I wouldn't say a convention area,
but it was a load of different stalls about uni, all the different societies
- open day, Exactly. And on open day,
I found the Islamic society and they started like taught me
(about Islam) and were so welcoming and they just started to tell me
more about Islam stuff. And they had like little welcome days. And I went along to one of those and also one of my friends
also reverted (became Muslim). She didn't have a husband or anything,
she just reverted off her own back. And she used to come over to my house
and show me these videos of how Islam is the truth. And it really sort of resonated with me. And when I learnt more about it, I realized that this is something
I want to follow in my life. And then I met a sister. And she started telling me more about
Islam and what it means to be a Muslim. And then I decided that I did want to be
a Muslim, a practicing Muslim, and she taught me how to pray. And she taught me the basics of prayer
and she taught me the fundamentals of Islam. And then I decided that
when I went to university, I wanted the people to know
that I was Muslim. And so I started
I said, I want to wear hijab. And so I started when hijab alahmadulillah in September 2018. And then I was part of the Islamic
society, Islamic committee from there. And that's where I really came to it. When I first reverted (to Islam),
I, I didn't tell my dad at first because my dad is
an extremely Islamophobic person. And I had
one of the major struggles for me was that I was new (to Islam). So I wanted to please Allah. But I also, I loved
my dad wanted to please my dad. So what I used to do was,
I would - at my house where I lived - I would wear hijab,
I would wear abaya at University. When I would go home, I would take off. I'd just like a normal
white British girl and go home. And one of the really hard things with
that was I had almost like a split identity. And also, when I was at home,
you had those kind of temptations of, you know, there's alcohol there,
maybe the food there isn't halal and you think, oh, I'm hungry, that I haven't eaten
and I want to eat that, you know. So that was quite hard. And the more I got familiar with Islam
and the more I started to love it, the more I started to not go home,
avoid going home, because I hated taking off my hijab
and I hated also lying to my dad and it was so hard
that I just stopped going home. And I used to cry all the time. And it was it was very hard
because it was this fact of I'm lying. I'm lying to my dad and I'm displeasing him
because I'm doing something that he hates. But I love it (Islam)
and it makes me a better person, you know? And so it was really hard. And one day, One day it was Ramadan. And I bumped into my dad and I was out where I used to live at home.
So I didn't have a hijab on. And my dad said, you know,
I want you to come over. I haven't seen you in ages. And then I started thinking, I reflected. I thought if I go home, I'll be tempted to eat. If I go home, I won't pray. I won't be able to,
you know, do my night prayers and so that night,
I decided to tell my dad. And when I told my dad,
obviously I was mentally prepared for the for the kind of response
I was going to get. And yeah, I went to the retreat, I went to the iERA retreat two years ago
and through that when I first went there, I hadn't
I came out to my dad that I was Muslim. I wasn't like, yeah ("I'm Muslim, Dad")
But now on this retreat now, I have came out. I have
what are you thinking about? But I have sort of revealed
and told my parents I am Muslim. And, you know, that
was one of the biggest struggles when when I first told my dad, it was a lot of hate misconceptions, a lot of almost racism,
Islamophobic, Islamophobia. And you do think at that time, you know, I'm never going to get a relationship
(with my father). I'm never going to repair my relationship
and my dad's going to hate me. And, you know, in Islam,
you're supposed to love your parents and have those relationship
with your parents. But how can you have those relationships
when your parents hate your religion and stuff but alhamdulillah
over the years ... my dad has definitely not learnt
to accept it, but my relationship with my dad is now um sort of -
not tolerant - but civil. So I did distance myself a little bit
because of the person he was. But, you know, we do have sort of ... conversations, rarely,
where he is still proud of me. But unfortunately, he's
not proud of my religion, but he is still proud of me
and he loves me. And also another sort of thing
that is quite difficult is that, he did say (things) and he tried
and turn me on the wrong path and they sort of say, "Why
don't you go back to the old you, the old you like you used to drink
and you used to do this. Like, why, why? Why can't you ... when are you going to turn back?"
And it took them a long time. And it took a lot of strength for me
to say to them, this is who I am now. I'm not that person anymore
and I'm not going to turn back. And since then, I have not
took my hijab off at all. And when I had a job, a job interview, and I wore my hijab and they were saying,
"oh, I'm so embarrassed, I can't believe you went in
a hijab" and stuff. And I said, "well, it's
a part of me. It's a part of me". I would say just ... I know it sounds a little bit cheesy,
but just just follow your heart. Do your research, find the truth. And with that, you will find happiness. And the more and more you read (Islamic
books), the more happy you will become. And just talk to other sisters,
talk them about your ... talk to other Muslims
about what you're feeling and what you're experiencing,
and ask them about their experiences and and how they have become Muslim as well. All I'd say is that, don't be scared
to do things, you know. And if this (Islam) is the truth,
then you should follow it and you should always look
to better yourself. Yeah. And and also one last thing.
Don't be scared to wear the hijab. Don't be scared to wear the hijab! Just put it on. Wearing
the hijab is the best thing I have done in my life,
wallahi. Best thing. I love my Hijab. So when when I told my dad
I was Muslim ... I told him through his girlfriend. And he reacted very, very negatively. So first of all, he said that he disowned me as a sister, a sister.? Astagfirullah. He disowned me as a daughter. He said (to me) that he,
"change your address. I don't want bombs coming through
my letterbox." And "you're brainwashed"! Um really, really, really hurtful things. Really hurtful things that you couldn't even imagine,
you know, being disowned by your dad. And, you know, almost to the point
where he's saying "change your address
I don't want bombs coming through the letterbox, you're brainwashed
you have no idea". And also with that came all of his
opinions and misconceptions with it. He was saying, "you
don't even know what you're believing". And he was saying, "Muslims follow this and Muslims follow that
and Muslims follow this"! And now that I'm more experienced, I think
how how can you know what Islam is? If Muslims follow Islam,
they know what Islam is. They follow Islam. What you know is opinions
and tainted things. And and just some of the things
they think that Muslims are is just crazy. But it's really hard to get your your
point across of what is facts when they say "No, what I have is facts"
but it's only opinions, wrong opinions. So, yeah, unfortunately
we haven't repaired our relationship. And you know, it's going to be,
I think, a lifelong struggle. When I first reverted it
and every time I spoke to my dad, I would get horrible texts of, "You know,
you're crazy, you're mentally unwell for believing in Islam, how do you believe
there was someone in the sky" and that, you know,
just so many crazy things. And then I just sort of took a step back
because I thought, this is not good for me and it's not good for my mental health. And every time I speak to my dad,
I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling - not doubts - but I'm just feeling
it's not good for my religion. So I kind of took a step back and,
you know, SubhanAllah, make Dua. I haven't spoken to my dad
in 11 months now and then one night, during the (iERA New Muslim) retreat
I got a text from my dad, I got a text from my dad... just saying that he is proud of me. But, you know, obviously
he's not proud of our religion, but, you know, at least he's proud of me. That's all we can ask for now. ... ... I just want to say, like whatever
I think deeply about it. I just if I thought about all the time
this day, I'd just cry and cry and cry. But you just you try
and just move and live on, you know. Yeah, it's hard. You wish you wish
your dad would be proud of you. You wish they would love you
unconditionally but they don't. They love you under conditions
unfortunately, because I'm a Muslim that means my dad's disowned me. Yeah. I really love the retreat, and my purpose for coming to
this retreat was because ... after the last retreat
I went to two years ago, I sort of slipped
away, not slipped away from religion, but my imaan definitely decreased to the point
where I was very, almost very hard on myself
and very disgusted in myself and how little I was
doing for my religion. And when I found out the retreat was going
on, I instantly signed up, you know, because I thought this retreat
help me so much last time. I know it's going
to help me this time as well. And the retreat has been so amazing. What I love most about the retreat
is that everyone has emphasized that the religion we are
learning is the Sunnah. You know, it's not tainted by opinions. It's not tainted by, maybe culture, differences of opinions,
We are learning the true religion. And the speaker has been
so clear about that. And the speaker has been so welcoming
and inviting when we are having our talks, in our lectures,
our education on the religion It is not boring , it is not dull,
he is making it relatable to us. Also, what I really appreciate
is he's not saying a lot in Arabic. When he needs to, he will. But he kind of refrains from that
so we can truly understand everything and what things mean in Arabic as well. And I love learning about the Hadiths. I've learned so much about Hadith. I've learned so much
about the life of the prophet, the kind of different stages of belief
and imaan, because I forgot that, you know, and also praying together, you know, and doing these prayer workshops
with the sisters. You do forget how to do things. Maybe, you know, when I was praying,
my eyes were in the wrong place or my arms in the wrong place. But by doing workshops together
with the sisters you don't feel judged and you're all doing it together.
You are all learning together. And doing the congregation
prayer really does open your heart and soften your heart. And the sisters all really encouraged you
to wake up for Fajr. That's one of the biggest for me,
one of the biggest things. You know, when you're in bed,
you couldn't feel you just want to sleep. But the sisters encouraging you
warmly with the sort of invitations, the reminders, put the "thumbs up"
in the group chat, having that group chat. It's just really beneficial
and it just makes you ... want to ... pray so much more. So out of this retreat,
what I've really got is I've achieved what my Whys - why I came here. I wanted to feel like ... I wanted to feel that feeling
when I pray again. And want to establish my prayers again. I want to build knowledge of Allah
and implement that in my life. And through our workshops,
we've learnt how to do that. So not only have we learned about names
of Allah, we have also learned about, OK, what does this mean to us and how can we implement
this and practice it in our lives?
