When we love others, we will automatically start loving ourselves. Let us think about it. When we love others, we will automatically start loving ourselves. I feel that we love ourselves, then we will start loving others. Why is it so? All these concepts are good to hear but it is not sufficient only to listen to them. We must think why it is so. If I do not love myself It is not a general statement whether we love ourselves or not. It is not black and white. When there is a problem or a challenging situation in my life Somebody said unpleasant words to me, somebody wronged me - throughout the day different things keep happening. Different things happen throughout the day and therefore the mind will create different thoughts. Suppose somebody tells me - You cannot achieve anything. You just leave it. It is one line and it is his opinion And it is right according to him. According to him it is the truth because he feels I cannot achieve anything. That is fine. But as soon as he said that I cannot do anything He spoke only one line. But after that how many lines will I say to myself? The whole night? Entire week? What exactly will you think about him? Why did he say I cannot achieve, when I can do so much? The amount of things I have done for others, no one has done at all. Even after have done so much why did he say that to me? Anything else? What will we say throughout the night? It can't just be one line. How dare they say such things? Very good. Anything else? I don't want to feed energy into his opinion? But his line will keep coming to our mind repeatedly. Even if I decide not to put any energy into it, that line keeps on coming to my mind repeatedly. Which means the incident for which we shouldn't give any energy, we end up giving maximum energy to it. Because it my mind says I shouldn't think about it, it doesn't happen. It will keep coming back. Anything else? Why didn't I retaliate immediately? He said such harsh words and left. Why did I keep quiet? That itself shows I am a failure, isn't it? Now we understand why there is so much negativity in the world. There are negative people all around us. It all starts when one person speaks 1 negative line. At that moment if I think I should also say something back When I say something back, he will again have one more line, and then I will reply to that as well ... Which means negativity will soon increase and spread. For instance Covid started with just one person. Everyone didn't get infected simultaneously initially. It did not start from everybody. It had to start from one person Even a viral infection at home begins with one person. The next day another person starts coughing. On the third day yet another family member gets fever. It always will have to start with one person. If we had finished the matter of negativity with just that one Then the world would have been full of positive people. But we justify saying - he spoke like that and therefore I thought in this way. Even if we did not say anything back to them because we have good control on our words But we just created negative thoughts. Even then what energy did we create? We did not create anything positive. Negativity does not mean we are speaking something negative. Usually we think a lot of negative thoughts but we speak very nicely. We speak lovingly and behave perfectly That is also a form of self control. Some people have lost that control as well. They don't pay attention to what they are saying. The first level of control is on our thoughts. The second level of control is on our words. The third level of control is on our actions. So if t there is a stimulus, we may raise our hand. We are gradually losing control - first in our thoughts, next in our words, and then in our behaviour. After speaking such words we regret - The words slipped out of my tongue. I did not intend to say such things. Means we are telling the other person - I no longer have control over my words. Does it sound nice to tell the other person this way? No. Okay so what else do we think at night? What reply should we give? Why should we think of the reply now? This reflects whether I love myself or I don't love myself. Suppose it was not said to you. But someone told to your husband or to your child that they were not fit to achieve anything Now they are thinking about the incident the whole night. What will you say to them? Your child returns from school, college or from office. And says - Today this person said in front of so many people that I am not good for anything. I don't feel like having dinner. I don't even feel like talking to anyone. Just leave me alone. Now what will you do? He might be right. What will you do? Will you let them cry or remain upset for the entire night? Or the entire week? We know what to do with other person, don't we? When we do that, will they become fine in sometime? I will say - They did not mean that way, the words slipped out, so you don't mind. Will your child feel fine after that? That is important. They will not immediately feel fine by our saying it once. They will question back asking but why, but how, but why me, but then ... Will we just leave them to sulk? We don't. We will still be sitting with them and talking. They will not want dinner but we will possibly serve it to them. They will not be ready to sleep but we will still be sitting with them. Whether it is a small issue or a big one, we do not give up on our child. We sit with them, talk to them lovingly, tell them their specialities We keep doing it until their mood becomes alright This is what it means to say that we love someone. Now we need to do the same thing with ourselves. All of us know how to do it The only difference is We know how to do it and we do it with everyone Children, spouse, siblings, friends, parents, and neighbours - we do it with everyone. But we usually don't do it with ourselves. Very good, so that is the equation is it? That we love other people and they should love us. It means our name will not figure in the list of the people we love. Suppose you call up someone, expecting them to uplift your mood. They say - You have made it a habit to magnify minor incidents into big ones I don't have the time to listen to these things early morning when I have to go to office. Just put the phone down. Now what will happen? You had called up. You will call up someone else? Which means we will go around in the world with a bowl Until someone gives us a little love , so that our wound will get healed But I am not going to hell my wound by myself. We are ready to go like this before the world. We literally stand like this in front of the world. Because we believed at someone else spoiled my mood And so someone else must set it right. I have no control on my mind. It is completely controlled by the world around me. The world disturb my state of mind and the world will need to set it right. So we stand in front of the world requesting to please be nice to me so that I will feel good. Which means there is no concept of self love at all. We roam round in the world asking for love Please love me, please respect me, please trust me ... Please give me name and fame, appreciate me, allow me to sit in the front row ... And when I am wearing a new dress, please tell me it is good. When we are standing like this wanting, it is not the direction for service. What is the direction of energy for service? It should be of giving, but we are standing like this and wanting. No Expectations is still secondary. But what is your energy of life? Just now in your prayer what did you say? By serving When someone needs something, we shall give it to them. What are the things which people need today in the world? Someone needs love, someone needs happiness ... (Coming back to the example) someone came and said you are not fit for anything. The person who spoke said like that, what does he need? Not the person to whom it was said, but the person who said - You cannot do anything, you just leave it. What does he need? We need to pause and check This person has spoken this way. How is his state of mind, for him to say such words? He could have said the same thing differently as - Don't do it this way but do it like that. But he spoke so bitterly, which means what does he need? If we start seeing That the people around us who are speaking negatively What do they need at present? Then we will start serving everyone throughout the day. When we start serving everybody, what happens to our own inner power? It increases. If you donate money to someone, then your own wealth will come down proportionately. Of course it is a different matter that according to the Law of Karma, your wealth will certainly increase at some point in future. But that moment when you give, it will reduce from your balance. You give your time for someone, even then the time you have will reduce for that moment. You give a material object to someone, the quantity of that object remaining with you will reduce for that moment. But if you give power to someone, instantly your own power will increase. So this is one service witch needs to go on, non-stop and constantly. It doesn't need any projects to be created or any funding You don't need to allocate time for it. You don't need any other preparation. That service is - serving through the mind. When we serve physically with our body we feel so good. When we serve financially with our money we feel so good. When we share what we have with someone, we feel so good. When we serve with our mind, the feel good factor will go to a different level altogether. Because it is not just about feeling good, but it is about we becoming good by serving others through our mind. For that we just need to do one thing Why did we say this to me? - Focus on - How is his state of mind, for him to be saying like this? By whatever he said or did, he reflected his own state of mind. He showed me a mirror of his Sanskars. It is like he is saying - it could be my Sanskar My state of mind It could be my mood that my mood was bad at this moment and therefore I spoke angrily My Sanskar is not bad but my mood is bad. The moment my mood was bad and I said something angrily It could be your child or your husband. It need not be an outsider. They just came home in a worried state. You said something lovingly but they reacted angrily. So we start thinking - first of all I take care of them and serve them throughout the day. And then I wait for them to come home in the evening and have dinner together But in return they spoke so rudely to me. And so we start wanting things from the husband or the child and say - Please talk to me lovingly. Service means service. It cannot be that we want something. Immediately we must say - This person's mood is not good at the moment. He lacks peace and power at the moment. I need to give them to him. Next step is how to give peace to someone who is peaceless? Someone's mind is turbulent. How will you give them peace? You said you need to give to people whatever they need at that moment. How to give them peace? By being peaceful ourselves. How simple is it? We don't need to do anything else. But instead of we being peaceful, if we also become turbulent Even then we are giving, but we are giving them turbulence. We need to give people what they are lacking. If I give him turbulence, then he will lack peace all the more. We cannot do that. Someone had 100 rupees so we thought they lack money. So we accumulated Rs 1000 for them. This is called service. But the other way is the day had 100 rupees and we took away 50 rupees from them. You didn't feel nice just listening to it? Why not? The person had come home with turbulence. So he had hardly any peace with him. In response to his anger we got angry, we cried, and we stop the talking to him. We made the environment at home more heavy. That person had come home from office or college where there was a heavy environment. He had come home in a worried state. He had expected that he will come home and feel fresh. But what did I do? Since he did not speak to me properly, I also became angry and I stopped talking to him. I said in frustration - I have kept dinner for you. Eat if you want. Which means he had come home with Rs 100 worth of peace. I took away 50 rupees worth of peace from him. I made the environment at home very heavy. The evening got spoilt and next morning everyone went out without even telling each other. Day by day our peace and happiness got reduced Day by day there was hurt and sorrow in place of love. Day by day instead of acceptance, our expectations increased. Because we were standing like this, wanting from each other. If we stand like this (giving), then it is acceptance. But if we stand like this (wanting) then it is expectations. Expectations are never ending that - You should be the way I want you to be. But the other person will be the way he is. He cannot be the way we want. But if we shift our consciousness and say - We are on service. Full stop. Whom do you serve? We serve everyone, and not just based on our project. Serving is a frequency. One is a frequency of wanting and another is the frequency of giving. Those who want to serve will need to be on the frequency of giving. It can't be that sometimes you give and sometimes you want. That is not service. Service is a vibrational frequency that I need to give constantly. It is a form of giving where, who is the first one to receive whatever is given by us? We, ourselves. As soon as they speak wrongly or angrily or ignore us or disrespect us If we immediately think - It is alright. His state of mind is not good. Let me only talk lovingly to him. But suppose he shouted even louder at us. But we again went to him We served him water, coffee and once again spoke lovingly to him The more number of times we did this, whose power increased? Our power increased. Right now whether that person had any effect or not First of all our service influenced our own self. Because if we had not done that, what else would we do? If we had not increased our power in that scene, we would have definitely reduced our power. We cannot remain neutral at the moment when we are receiving negative energy from someone. Because the mind will certainly create some more the other thoughts. So our choice is - What quality of thought should I create? If I create thoughts of giving or serving, my power will increase. Instead of that if I consume their negative energy and question Why did he say like that? How could he say that? Everyone speaks rudely to me. Nobody loves me. Nobody values me in this house. There is no use of doing so much for them ... Actually the other person would not even have said so much, for us to think like this. That person would have spoken just one line. It is being who write many lines and fill up many pages. We speak so bitterly to ourselves Our mind gets filled with bitterness and then we tell the other person that they do not love us. The other person will need to prove to us, so they keep insisting - I really love you, I do respect you ... Again we say - No, you don't love me. So he will ask us - What did I do for you to feel that I don't love you? We reply to them - How could you say this line to me? They said one line to us and we believed they don't love us at all. What about the 1,000 negative lines which we said to ourselves? So it is not about how the other person speaks to us or behaves with us. It is what we say or how we behave in return Which decides how our quality of life is going to be.
