You made us hit 3,000 batters | Fumble Dimension

numbers a crucial building block for civilization the use of numbers applies to many aspects of our everyday lives we use numbers to set alarms find TV channels and count the number of messages you have waiting for you with that being said the most entertaining uses of numbers in my opinion exists in the sports world and no sport truly meshes with numbers quite like baseball for a sport that involves a lot of standing spitting and sometimes hitting baseball boasts a ton of numbers a lot of them you seen used in the special Mariners door town documentary so many graphs so many charts to go through so much data on the most miserable franchise in Major League Baseball however there were a few special numbers during the dock that caught my attention more than others 2001 Ichiro's first year in Major League Baseball 116 the number of wins the Mariners achieved that year 0 the number of World Series appearances not just in 2001 but in the franchise's entire history Ichiro Mike Cameron Bret Boone Edgar Martinez I'm just listing names because at the time I was 6 years old and don't remember anything about this team at all but something in the dort town special just drew me to it a team won 116 games and then lost in five to the freakin Yankees this breaks my heart and I'm not even a Mariners fan then suddenly it hit me I'm the co cater a fumble dimension if there's anyone that could turn this Mariners curse around it's definitely John and myself right right [Music] it's time to go back to the fumble dimension [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] in this episode we're going to try to take the legendary 2001 Mariners to the World Series victory that Mariners fans wish that they had there were a lot of baseball of video games in the early 2000s triple play all-star baseball high heat homerun key I could go on however not all the games I listed had the roster I needed and frankly I don't feel like any of these games are a true fit for this fumble dimension so that just leaves one game a game that you've bugged both John and myself about for the four months for like weeks and months to just make a fumble to mention video out of so you know you know you leave us with no choice we're gonna we're gonna play it we're gonna play out of the park baseball [Music] I immediately regret this decision remember when I said NFL head coach was tedious well this is that but on steroids which is fitting because we're talking about you know what actually never mind out of the park lets us have complete control over roster and management decisions but in the effort of not intervening too much we're only going to make roster decisions when we absolutely have to we're not looking to micromanage this team they did win a hundred and sixteen games after all so that only left one thing what makes this a true fumble dimension episode after some thinking and tinkering we came up with two ideas we could use a random number generator to manage the team or we could once again have our fans take turns and manage the team what's the worst that could happen this is the documentary series I made with Alex Rubinstein we're very proud of it but if you're watching fumble dimension you are not here to learn you're here to destroy all of you who responded are responsible for what happens from this point forward kofi and I are not responsible and thank God for that when batting with the bases empty you had the fewest options and that's where you did the least amount of damage you still insisted on bunting more often than swinging if the batter is a lightning-fast Ichiro you actually have a decent shot of getting on base this way but if it's an old about to retire Jay Buhner that's too cruel for me to even imagine now as for batting with runners on pace in green you see the two normal options swinging and taking a pitch combined they account for less than a third of all responses 19% of you want us to steal home I regret to inform you that out of the park baseball only makes this option available if we have a man on third so we'll only be able to execute this command every so often I'm with you though I want to give the steal home sign to a runner on first base just go for broke man the true catastrophes however will happen on the mound you've told us to hit the batter nearly 1/3 of the time at this stage we're not exactly sure what at the park baseball is gonna make of this but consider the real-world consequences halfway through the season the entire American League would be on the injured list so many pitchers would receive suspensions that the Mariners would probably have to pull in random people from off the street to pitch but in computer game world there's no telling what'll happen you also requested an impossible number of mound visits about 17% I don't think it'll let us take nearly this many visits since MLB rules only allow for five per a nine inning game but I do really love the idea of conferring with your manager and then immediately throwing it a batter if someone does that to your team you have to clear the benches there's no other choice someone has to go to the hospital for that by the way you also called for tons of bean balls with men on base if we get a bunch of these in a row teams are gonna score run after run after run on us without ever having to swing the bat once but in your responses we found something perhaps even more bizarre about 5% of you more than 200 people want us to throw a pitch out with the bases empty for those unfamiliar when you throw a pitch out you intentionally throw a ball away from the plate so that the catcher has a clearer path to throw out a baserunner but there are no baserunners I don't know why the game even gives you this option it may as well allow you to turn around and chuck the ball into the upper deck today the 1 pitch outs you got them so will this team win as many games is the legendary 2001 Mariners I bet so yeah I mean I might not understand your logic with any of this but I trust that you know what you're doing and you have the Mariners best interest at heart right now that we've gone over the data let's talk about how we're going to implement it to help lower the chances of me losing my place among the rows of letters and numbers I had to do what must be done I [Music] printed out all 135 pages of data from my mom's printer she's just now finding this out we have so much data that I had to find another binder I should also explain how we're going to be making your decisions coming to fruition to ensure that we're getting even participation we're going to be column hopping and not backtracking for example if we start in column a and go all the way down to row 13 and I have to move to column B we would then start column B at row 14 of the same page and not Row one or another page entirely we don't want to have one person dominating a game we want to try to prevent that as much as possible when we get to the end of the binder will simply start over at the beginning until the end of the season or when we get fired because that's also possible [Music] our goal in 2001 is to reach the playoffs and our 2003 goal is to reach the world series seem simple enough the first thing that I noticed looking at the roster is that something's very off Ichiro is not on the major league roster now each row is one of my favourite players and a very important piece to this investigation if I can't find him then we have no video after some searching I finally found him on the triple-a team which is odd because we never played for the Tacoma Rainiers in his career well now that that's out of the way we can continue on to opening day throughout the season we'll be keeping track of the stats that concern us the very most naturally we will track their win-loss record game by game this is what the best season in modern baseball history looks like keep in mind that whatever kind of season we end up with is being played out by the very same people who produced 116 wins we will also be keeping our eye on run differential in other words runs scored - runs allowed a negative number is bad the all-time worst run differential belongs to the infamous 1899 Cleveland spiders who allowed 723 more runs than they scored it's almost impossible to be any worse than this if you lost every game of a season for nothing you still wouldn't get here those same spiders are also the proud owner of the single-season bean balls record with 109 meanwhile the 1915 Philadelphia Athletics pitching staff holds the all-time record for most walks in a season with 827 we'll be keeping track of both walks and bean balls it's not that we think you're bad managers ok it's it's not about that we just think it's important to monitor your progress that's all finally we'll be tracking fan interest which is a 100 point rating out of the park baseball spits out to reflect how Mariners fans feel about the team I wouldn't worry too much about this remember these are the same fans who've sat through all of this [Music] we've arrived to a ton of emails within that we have seven trade requests between minor league players does it look like I know about minor league baseball I barely even read my real life emails when we sim through spring training our Mariners actually went twenty-two and eight which was good for the best record in Major League Baseball but we're not here for spring training we're here for the real thing it's time to take the Mariners into the fumble dimension [Music] two batters in Freddy Garcia hits Eric Chavez troubled by this we immediately visit the mound Garcia responds by saying he has plenty left in the tank he follows up by immediately intentionally walking Jason Giambi to load the bases for Miguel Tejada it's the first inning luckily we've been told to pitch around Miguel Tejada and he flies out to left field at this time our Mariners begin to stabilize I'm lying Freddy Garcia hits the next batter the screen goes blank but the play-by-play gives us a detailed explanation of what happened long throws a haymaker and gets restrained and we now have some ejections the Freddy Garcia and long have both been injected from the game Johnny Damon scores we make another mountain visit to the new pitcher Jose Paniagua this time Jose tells us that he's feeling fine and proceeds to hit Jeremy Giambi this time there is no blank screen and Jeremy is mad the bench is clear Jambi tackles Jose at least that's what the play-by-play says to me it just looks like they're having a mixer I respect it later on the inning there's another powwow at the mound the score is 14 to 0 it happens again by the end of the first inning the score is 27 to nothing at the top of the 3rd inning the Mariners put Stan Javier out on the mound it's 31 to nothing Stan's allah fielder in the bottom of the third inning Ichiro has given the command to swing away he hits the ball in a center field to put the Mariners on the board Tom Lampkin comes in to relieve Javier he's the backup catcher in the bottom of the 7th a safety squeeze brings in a run it's 36 to 3 in the top of the 8th inning al Martin box it's a strange thing because I told him to pitch but he doesn't know how to pitch he's a 33 year old left fielder the game ends with Carlos Guillen striking out the Mariners have lost 138 two for Oakland uses two pitchers the entire game the Mariners use 11 they hit 33 batters walk 16 and strike out to eight players were ejected in the first inning Freddy Garcia and norm Carlton get suspended for six games Paniagua gets suspended for three we have a hundred and sixty-one games to go so now a couple of things I've noticed the bunch rarely connect because most of the Mariners are so bad at it that they're just taking strikes the whole time actually also after a certain point sometimes the game wouldn't let me hit the batters if we hit a too many times in a row the picture would just throw a regular pitch so that gives me a little hope in the long run and also the fact that the person that did the a command was also just one person that was just spamming it over and over and over in the survey so I only hope that this will mess up one game at a time and that will actually have a chance at winning a couple of games maybe I'm not sure first of all that sounds like a Halley's Comet kind of thing where like every so often we're just gonna run into this string of options that we're just gonna have to execute so I feel like every few games it's just gonna be a disaster like this right yeah there's gonna be a couple of streaks and bad spells where there's gonna be someone just going in a eh-eh-eh-eh bunt bunt and whit's not gonna be good that leads me to my next concern which is the thing that the Mariners are bad at is holding a stick right like you don't have to swing the bat you don't have to like time it correctly really I mean I've bunted before I played high school ball it's they would like you to believe that it's hard it's not that hard you just hold out a stick and like that's that's the thing they're about at yeah so not a great start yeah Game three we take our first lead it doesn't last long we have a two two times seven in just the third game in the season the Mariners have a chance with the bases loaded to blow the game wide open they strike out twice in a row in the top of the knife Seattle walks in a run and eventually loses the game 7 to 2 game for the Mariners tie it up in the 6th inning and even take the lead on a sacrifice fly in the top of the 8th the Mariners have a 65 lead and Kazuhiro Sasaki holds the Rangers scoreless even after hitting a few batters in the night Sasaki hits two batters and loads the bases after pushing to contact the Mariners forced the out at home from one down Rafael Palmeiro hits one the left but Ichiro makes a diving catch to prevent one run from scoring and take us to extra innings in the bottom of the 10th the Rangers have the bases loaded for gabe kapler we decided to pitch a rent hit pitch around well Game six oh look it's Pat mahomes that's pretty cool the Mariners are down thirty three to seven after Game six it's already time to look at the charts our win-loss record is as far into the red as we can get our run differential is already at negative 116 but never mind all that remember the all-time bean balls record 109 the won the Cleveland spiders set over a 154 game season we've already broken it there it is in red again this is after six games game eight Ichiro's had enough bad pitching and takes the mound himself Seattle is down 37 to one Barry Bonds hits home run number 500 Jamie Moyer gets suspended game 11 the Mariners have yet to win a game team morale is down our owner is happy still for some reason game thirteen Ruben Sierra hits a grand slam in the top of the ninth to make the score 69 to 1 nice [Music] so as it stands the Mariners are winless through 18 our starting pitchers usually get ejected by the second inning leaving our relief pitchers and even position players to step in and pitch for us am I having fun game 20 after getting into a data transfer a second I take a look at the score and can't believe what I'm seeing the Yankees and Mariners are tied at 8 in the top of the 8th there's a chance to win this after Ichiro reaches base Mark McLemore hits a ball down the third-base line the ball looks foul but the UMP Skol it fair and Ichiro scores from third can we do this after walking Edgar Martinez Macklemore goes to third base on a double steal while on third base he looks over the dugout to get the sign he's totally do something absolutely stupid he's told to steal home [Music] of course it doesn't work a scoreless Yankees inning gives the Mariners a 98 lead in the top of the ninth al Martin tried to bunt with an O to count and later Ichiro grounds out to second base leaving two runners on base not good this leaves art the Rhodes who have a chance to give the Mariners their first win of the season Alfonso Soriano grounds out to the shortstop one out Bernie Williams also grounds out to McLemore two down with David Justice coming up to the plate the Yankees are down to their last out they don't know how much this win would mean to the Mariners and the fumble dimension Arthur Rhodes decides to intentionally walk justice this leaves Rhodes to deal with Jorge Posada our next two commands are two threes which means to pitch to contact Oh God Posada hits a single and justice advances to third base this brings up Mike Frank Sasaki has been brought in on our side and has a chance to shut it all down [Music] Frank grounds out to the first baseman the Mariners have finally won a game being with 36 year-old veteran that he is macklemore says we'll keep working to improve Brett Tomko has been suspended eight games but it's totally worth it so we've won a game can I ask the final score we won nine to eight ninety well there's no way we were ever gonna give up fewer than nine runs given like all the batters we have to hit which I gotta say I'm a little bit let down by by our viewers I really trusted them I had faith in them I I thought that they wanted to win I thought they had the attitude and I thought they had the winning strategy but I feel like they set us up to fail we really underestimated the destructive nature of our fanbase when we came up with this idea we wanted to give them air as a chance to win the World Series but what happen could have done it this was a team that won a hundred and sixteen and realized and we are on pace for six or something six less than ten thanks thanks guys seriously I really appreciate y'all [Music] twenty five games in Tom Lampkin has had enough he wants to be in the starting lineup if he doesn't get his wish he demands a trade we're all tired Tom suck it up game 30 a Mariners Mountain visit has a picture saying that the tanks on e the pitcher shortstop Carlos Guillen [Music] game 37 Stan Javier wants a trade [Music] you play behind each gyro row well we are now the proud owners of one win and 36 losses and even though we're not even a quarter of the way into the season we're already threatening to fall far below the worst run differential in baseball history you see we lost this last game to the Blue Jays 42 to 4 and this is why it isn't just that we hit 47 batters in a single game it's that in the eighth inning we hit 36 batters in a row Kawasaki kicked off the eighth by plunking eight batters then got the Shepards game then came the emergency pitchers Carlos Guillen stepped in and hit seven more he was yanked for a Stan Javier who also hit seven so did Al Martin and Ramon Vasquez by the time Dan Wilson a catcher came in to retire the side the Mariners have used six pitchers in a single 34 run inning [Music] game forty Stan Javier has lost the will to play baseball game 43 John Halawa gets to start this is odd considering that he got to start the day before this is the first time that we actually see the suspensions adding up for a situation like this Paloma gives up six runs in the first inning the Yankees win 32 to game 45 after going through nine pitches the Mariners decide to put Brian Sweeney on the mound in two innings of work he's never felt so tired in his entire life the game is already over but there's no one else to sub in Sweeney hits batter after batter after batter and gives of run after run the final score is unlike anything I've ever seen on a baseball field the Mariners lose 83 to 2 in this game we hit 64 batters 64 batters that equals the number of bean balls the real-life 2001 Mariners threw across the entire season 63 of these came in the fifth inning Jamie Moyer through a Lawton law in charge of the mound both were ejected and we were off to the races as though they wanted to outdo their performance from a couple weeks ago in every conceivable way they used 10 pitchers in the fifth inning alone at one point they shoved Slugger Jay Buhner out there to pitch what's interesting about this is that they still had pitches available as evidenced by the fact that pitchers John Paloma and Brian Sweeney came in later in the inning it's as though the computer realized what was happening they knew a seemingly endless parade of hit by pitch calls was on the way and they didn't want to waste their actual pitchers to throw him so they trotted out position players like Buner key and Javier Lampkin and Vasquez to soak them up so why did the computer double back on this tactic and throw their action pictures out there anyway maybe it panicked there is a silent terror in baseball one which has never come to pass in the real world but we might encounter it in the virtual realm the terror is this there's no guarantee that a baseball game will ever end there is no clock it's absolutely possible for a pitcher to be so ineffective that outs are never recorded in the game marches on locked in a death spiral until the end of time out of the park baseball's recap for this 83 to 264 bean ball game lasted just four hours in 11 minutes this lasted for eons game 46 we've unlocked an achievement we stall whom we also lost 33 to 9 but it's the little things that count game 52 we have a player development update the players are not developing in fact the players are actually getting worse game 62 we run into former dork town topic Mike Hampton you remember him right Hampton pitches two scoreless innings the Mariners hit 49 batters walked 29 and losses 92 to game 68 the Mariners blow a 6-4 seventh inning lead with a 25 run half inning game 74 in the bottom of the sixth inning Edgar Martinez gives the Mariners a 4-2 lead by some miracle Kazuhiro Sasaki gives up only one more run and relief it's been a long time for the Mariners as the team gets its first win in over 50 games all right I'm just gonna be honest I know we should be excited about our second win but I'm not I have 88 games left to simulate our owner who said our goal was reaching the playoffs is still happy with us even though we have two wins in 74 attempts it's clear that they're not paying attention to us morale is low everyone's arguing it is so so frustrating to see a team with that much potential and that much talent get running to the ground like that I hope he's starting to understand [Music] you game 79 we get an email from the owner and honestly I don't know what to make of it the I have reviewed the goals I have set out for you my comments are below team record I'm angry with our team's performance this year it needs to improve for us the second half of this season for us to be considered one of the league's top teams that is your job don't fail me during our time working together I have been estatic with your progress towards the goals I have set out for you I feel similarly about your handling of the team's on-field and front office management the final evaluation towards these goals will come at the end of the season good luck in the second half Kenley [Music] what well it looks like what we have here right is another instance of a video game particularly a sports video game that is awful at simulating what a boss is like a eyes have no concept of like what bosses are like and what kind of feedback they give you because on one hand it's just like I'm angry with our team's performance and I have also been ecstatic about the goals I have set out for you usually they're just mad constantly but like this reminds me of been mad when you're a franchise owner right and the owner or whoever has like a lot on your list of all the ways that you're disappointing them and then there's a one-note of like the bathrooms are exceptionally queen or as the gift shop is very very well priced and it's like thanks you hate me why are you even bothering to sugarcoat this guy hates you man yeah I mean it's totally fair we've only won two games so I totally had it I'm just surprised that I'm just surprised that we haven't gotten fired it's a mate kick can you get fired is that possible in this game it should be I think so you would think um yeah tell you what if we don't turn it around I'll fire you in real life how's that game 81 the Mariners take it to extra innings for the first time in a while the game ends in a walk-off hit by pitch the perfect way to celebrate the halfway point of the season the all-star game has arrived the American League wins seven to five without a single Mariner on the roster you game 90 we get Barry Bonds suspended it doesn't matter much nothing matters much [Music] game 97 team morale is still down in the dumps but something odd has happened we have a few people on the team that are not mad with all the pitcher suspensions and a few injuries we have no choice but to call up a few minor league players two that stand out are Jeff here ello and Jason Garbowsky here alone ever played in the majors in real life welcome to the show kid a hundred games in our team focus has shifted from neutral to rebuild our owner is still ecstatic even though we're 2 and 98 which has to be the worst start in baseball history right in the Twilight Zone episode a nice place to visit a thief is shot and wakes up in a strange utopia he's then greeted by a man in a white suit who was able to give him anything his heart desires he then comes to the realization that he's dead he's in heaven and the man in white his guardian angel he spends half the episode gambling and find himself to always be victorious eventually he finds heaven to be a little bit boring he's tired of winning all the time and he wants to check out the other place and that's when the man in the white suit reveals he's already in the other place for us it's the opposite but it still feels like we're kind of stuck kind of trapped but luckily for us it's just a game we could always exit out pretend it didn't happen see [Applause] oh no up excuse me [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] now I get it dude we angered the fun whoa dimension now before you haunt me forever can I just finish the rest of the video please no you listen to me I spent weeks and weeks and weeks simulating awful baseball I've been editing script writing and recording all of this you're going to let me finish my video thank you you can haunt me afterwards now where was I White Sox pitcher key folk fractured a finger getting into a fight with a parent at a little league game he'll be out for four weeks which is the same amount of time needed for all the questions that we have for him it only takes seven games for Jeff Hilo and Jason Garbowsky to become sad [Music] after game 105 the Mariners have mathematically eliminated from the playoffs almost a full month before the next team game 107 the Mariners went seven to six in a nail-biter but I gotta be honest of what happened so I accidentally auto send the game in fact I tried to exit the game without saving but the game still Auto saved I didn't know what to do a whole potential experiment had the chance of being tarnished but I did have a mulligan one more chance to make this alright it was time to turn on Commissioner mode apparently in Commissioner mode you had the chance to delete a game that already happened so I did however the game considers this a scoreless tie now but it kept the record on the heading I could have lied and said that we won but here in the fumble dimension we're better than that this would have been a bigger deal if we were you know contending for something but LS game 115 ken griffey jr. gets his 2,000th career hit on the Cincinnati Reds I forget what team he used to play for but it'll come back to me I hope game 117 Freddy Garcia takes the mound against the White Sox he's oh and 18 on the year but today is a new day [Music] Jay Buhner has also decided that he's had enough hitting for a double and later icing the game with a home run in the latter half it's only his seventh on the season but it comes at a critical time the mariners now have their third official win al Martin requests a trade but no one cares oh yeah that's right Griffey used to play for the Mariners what are the odds look if you're going to haunt me until the end of time I'm getting these jokes off so [Music] game 124 after an 18 to 3 loss to the Yankees the owners mood has changed from ecstatic to delighted so he's less happy but still happy the team is still sad game 127 Stan Javier requests a trade again game 142 Craig Anderson makes his season debut due to the pitching suspensions he has to get the start he gives up six runs in three innings not bad kid welcome to the Mariners game 145 I hope you guys are ready it's the moment you've all been waiting for it's time to talk about everyone's favorite Mariner who actually in real life never played for the Mariners Jason Garbowsky the backup catcher starts his heroic game off with a two-run single and then follows it up with another RBI at bat David Bell has some hits and all of a sudden the Mariners have a 9 to 1 lead it's never that simple however as pitching once again lets us down [Music] in the eighth-inning Grabowski throws out the would be tying run at second base but even after that the bullpen throws the lead away we head to the top of the ninth where 38 year-old Mark McLemore has a chance to put the Mariners ahead [Music] glorious congrats to the Mariners on their fourth win of the season game 162 the last game of the season is here a chance to give Mariners fans something to look forward to for next seat nevermind a 22 to nothing loss is a tough way to end the season but it's nothing prepared for the off season that we're about to endear the main question is do we get fired what does this chart look like if the Mariners go for and 158 well appropriately enough it looks like a semaphore flag and the Mariners are signaling distress at one point thanks to your managerial style they lost more than 50 consecutive games their run differential wasn't just the worst run differential in baseball history they allowed three thousand two hundred and twenty six more runs than they scored four times worse than the previous record-holder they broke the all-time Walks record by a healthy margin and they completely obliterated the all-time bean balls record remember the previous record was 109 these Mariners hit two thousand nine hundred and eighty six batters an average of about eighteen per game in the real world the Mariners would be appearing before judge for this and Major League Baseball might throw the franchise out of baseball entirely in the fumble dimension the rule of law is abandoned us entirely now let's dig into the individual stats beginning with our hitters you wanted us to do a whole lot of bunting and other small ball crap that isn't really a good fit for this team their production suffered as a result here we see the difference between their Oh PS and the fumble dimension and their real-life Oh PS in 2001 they all did worse although not catastrophic ly worse most of these guys still had an O PS good enough to make it on a major league roster tragically though you completely wasted the hitting genius of Edgar Martinez whose o-p-s was a mediocre 733 but it was on the mound where you did the most damage this is where you ruined everything in real life this starting rotation was rock-solid and the bullpen was incredible most at Nara under four and Arthur Rhodes finished at one point seven four in the fumble dimension meanwhile nobody had an ER a below 15 a frazzle day I did whatever it think of to stop the bleeding no matter how little sense it made it put Jay Buhner out there for 48 innings his sent shortstop Carlos Guillen to the mound for 92 innings it dug up Jason Herrmann who in real life never even made it to the major leagues at all none of this made a meaningful difference if these numbers were anywhere close to normal this pitching staff probably could have cared they're lackluster offense to 40 or 50 wins as it sands it seems like a miracle that they want any games at all baseball fans might be familiar with Wins Above Replacement or war which is more or less an estimation of how many wins a player is worth in terms of war these are the worst pitching seasons in the history of baseball as well as in the fumble dimension these Mariners are responsible for the 5 worst pitching seasons of all time and eight of the top 10 if a player has a war of negative six or worse it means a team just kept throwing him out there game after game no matter how bad he was this has never and will never happen in real life only in this nightmare who did this you did finally let's check in on that fan interest metric it went up while the Mariners held a record of like 2 and 100 Mariners fans actually grew more interested why how well if you watch this series you might understand the Oakland A's win the World Series Arthur Rhodes demands a trade so does john olerude so to Stan Javier again we end the season with a score of 1 now I have no idea how that's calculated but I'm guessing that's the worst we can do now after all of this we finally failed our goal we didn't make the playoffs and now the moment of truth has come you failed to meet your goal of making the playoffs the fans are angry and why shouldn't they be we should have done better I know it isn't fair to place all the blame on you but you're the easiest thing to fix let's make sure this next year goes better long-term I gave you the task of building me a contender last year I understand there will be bumps along the way this year was certainly a setback you don't have a lot of time left to complete the challenge I gave you so I hope you have a trick up your sleeve for this offseason I'm good with your performance and accomplishing the goals I have given you I feel similarly about their handling of the team's on-field and front office management next year is a new year though here's what I'd like to see you accomplish going forward don't suck completely cut payroll from around fifty four million dollars to fifty million dollars get rid of overpaid veteran Edgar Martinez bring more of your drafted players to your team reach the World Series in the next two seasons okay first off I have to feel personally insulted that he would want us to jettison Edgar Martinez one of the greatest hitting geniuses of all time who should be allowed to play until he's 48 with that that offense and a person like also funny is that he's like yeah I would pay 50 million dollars to watch this it again I wouldn't pay 54 million that's that's a question get rid of like John hawawa or something and everything will be a-okay yeah I I oh my god when I when I first saw this I was like I cannot I have to show you this alive like there's no way that I could just I have no words he's optimistic like he sounded like not only is he not firing you he was just like yeah had a rough one out there so you just like slipped and fell in the mud or something and not like completely like torpedoed like the IKE like a cities like pride and joy yeah [Music] kofi how do you feel about all of this how do you feel about like a your experience doing this and be the all the adoring viewers who put you in this hell this this is two weeks I won't get back I don't know and I think it took a lot off of my life span as well just seeing bad baseball a lot of blowouts and even our victory seemed like to be the perfect storm of good responses actual good responses but those were few and far between so you know what's funny is some people were trying some people actually were like yeah throwing animal kills or whatever but they were just if they were shouted down by the p3 good stuff I wanted to break this thing forever oh man yeah tell you what man those two weeks take a couple weeks off or something that you deserve give them back I'm gonna need well Kofi you have completed the journey through out-of-the-park baseball what are your overall thoughts on this is incredibly weird video game this is my first time playing and how the part baseball and I was pleasantly surprised by how detailed and how intricate it was there were so many stats and analytics and details that I just appreciated throughout the game I feel like if I didn't have to do this project in terms of tanking for an entire season that I would have actually liked enjoyed myself a little bit more yeah man like I remember the update you were given a you you'd be like yeah I'm on game 37 this is taking forever and I'm like oh man he's not even like a quarter of the way to the season thank you can we even do this is this bad like is is this even like is this a hostile workplace situation shigeaki given hazard pay like this is this is ridiculous but like honestly it sounds fun in the sense that if I had to pick one game to play on a desert island for the rest of my life this might actually be near the top just because it is so intricate and you can obsess with it just endlessly in the way you can't most games and I do like how historically accurate it was for being able to go back in time you can go back to as long you can go back even like decades and decades and start from there and basically it's like a baseball time machine in certain ways so I was impressed so so yeah that's all from from my end I guess who knows what the next episode of from what I mentioned holds but always fun to make videos like this even though even though it might not look fun it's it's still fun so by the way I should have warned you about the whole haunted Mariners hat thing when we were making the door town series Alex and I were on a danse I should have told you kind of let it slip I'm really sorry about that oh boy wasn't she frightening it's okay it happens all right I'll see you around see you then [Music] I don't get what we use Golden State in our first ever fumble dimensions so I don't see your point the point is that you're here on a 5-4 stood in front of these day basis and making them they need for finality of those seasons and city logic on st. Elias 150-160 just like bananas wanna forget 216 in season where they fell short I'm here to make sure that for all that you did you go down that path with the best of the apparitions we're not here to poke fun of them we're here to help shed some light on the sheer awesomeness of human nature in sports human nature or they say of course you don't you're a curse Bluto why don't you talk about the good Jews if fun would have mentioned only talk about the good teams that'd be super boring those constantly good teams or all people talk about and here at fun would have mentioned and dork town we want to bring attention to those teams in history that feel the most relatable here in the fumble dimension we're allowed to make new stories the most relatable sports stories are the ones that remind us that athletes are people like us these shows are meant to celebrate that humanity I'm sorry I don't believe you know what it's like to look for a bad kid for the unit on it so that helped you understand I'm going to put a curse on your favorite teams tell me your favorite teams at once what I don't think that's really necessary ok ok ok I'm a Bengals fan the bad news mr. we yep yeah my mom came back with Bengals March when I was 8 and yeah that's that's why I'm a Bengals fan yeah no point to functionally believe shits on board honestly I don't care what it just solidifies the fact that the keys to the fumble dimension are in the right hands John and myself both have rooted for teams that have gone through the worst if anyone knows about pain and agony they're rooting for sports it's us too so yes I once watch the Bengals lose five wild card playoff games in five consecutive years I also watched Andy Chavez make one of the greatest catches that I've ever seen in the NLCS only to lose to those Cardinals thank you so don't ever tell me that I don't understand true sports pain I'm not afraid of your curse I totally misjudged you I thought you were some wouldn't want to get down on this news are we late I'm sorry for big misunderstanding thank you now get out of my house [Music] oh look a free hat [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Secret Base

Views: 754,499

Keywords: sb nation, sbnation, Mariners, MLB, Baseball, Video Game, Gaming, OOTP 21, Kofie Why, Jon Bois, Fumble Dimension, Kofie, Dorktown, Sports

Id: MHmnWc2sysc

Length: 61min 32sec (3692 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 25 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/JayOnes]

We tried to do something nice for the Mariners. You didn't let us.

I'm in.

[u/roaringcorgi]

few things can bring me more joy than seeing a runtime like that on a new Jon Bois video

[u/Lewis_Ridley]

Stan Javier has demanded a trade

[u/herpblarb6319]

The narration of that opening game is one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

[u/TheNotoriousAED]

Pray for Stan Javier, ain't nothing wrong with him, he just wants to get off the 2001 Mariners

[u/Solar424]

The Mariners won 11-9 on 9/11/01, definitely the craziest thing to happen on that day.

[u/H0b5t3r]

"If you were a pitcher, you could throw a strike, give up a home run and everything in between.*

*Except beanballs. If I allowed for a "hit the batter" option, you would have done it a thousand times in a game, and it would have taken me a month to count it all up. I know y'all really well at this point."

-Jon Bois last time he did something like this

[u/[deleted]]

4th win happened on 9/11

[u/kcspoon11]

You beat me to it.

Jon Bois, OOTP, and chaos? I'm in TWICE