You Can’t Live Your Life To The Fullest

and so then what happens is my mind is unsatisfied with a b unsatisfied with a c unsatisfied with a d the only thing it'll look for is an a and a guaranteed a at that because if i don't get an a and it winds up being a b then i'm screwed and i've fallen further behind and i had this opportunity to make things up and i can't make it up so what does that readiness mean readiness means a guarantee of an a so if you're afraid of death and you need to make up and you want to live life to the fullest what readiness means is knowing that you will live life to the fullest i want to live life to the fullest but i don't know how bit of background 23 and from the uk fell into major depression anxiety right after leaving high school and have been piecing my life piecing together my life the last two or three years the rut started because of a realization of death interesting it sent me into a panic mode an instant instantly and it was always on my mind every single day for at least a year wow that sounds terrible i'd have constant panic attacks which led to agoraphobia and nowadays social anxiety thankfully the fear of death has subsided but it's left a feeling of wanting more out of life it's almost given me pressure to go out and do things i want to do because life is so short i've been playing catch-up the last few years seeing my friend my past friends go to university and graduate whilst i was homebound was honestly soul crushing i never thought i would have been in that position i'd speak to peers online and have to make up lies about my situation because i was so embarrassed to tell them my story at one point i couldn't walk outside my house it was that bad and it was even more hurtful seeing people i knew having the time of their lives whilst i was stuck in helpless at times it felt like the world had moved on and i was ready and i was left behind with no direction or path it still does feel like that sometimes i'm in a position now where i see friends moving on family members moving on with their lives etc i feel ready to move on and pursue the life that i've always wanted to live but for some reason i'm scared my anxiety has lessened but i still don't go out much i'm still anxious around people and still insecure with who i am i've accepted my anxiety and have made massive progress but i still feel left behind how do i even begin to just go my own way throughout those years where my mental health was at its worst i couldn't do what i wanted to do but now that i feel okay i still don't feel ready to just go out there and do it how do i overcome this i have dreams of becoming a tattooist i'm drawing every day but i don't feel ready yet i've wanted to start going to the gym and get some gains but i don't feel ready i want to connect with old friends and have a good time but i don't feel prepared enough i'm too anxious what if they ask me how i've been doing these last few years every single thing i want to do has an excuse of not feeling ready but why am i like this when i have this fear of death pressuring me to just go out and live life to the fullest because we're all going to go someday i feel like if i don't address this now i will regret it the older i get i don't want to look back on my life and i feel ashamed i want to i want to feel proud of who i became and what i did so part of the reason we're sharing this is that this is a story of someone who had anxiety had depression you know fell behind right so it sounds like maybe they dropped out of school for a little bit or something like that we're not entirely sure and now they've made progress right so their anxiety is a lot better they still sometimes feel that way you know they've accepted their anxiety they're like starting to get better and so the tricky thing is like when we have sort of a clinical diagnosis like depression or anxiety and we're not able to do stuff we've got an excuse right and this is one of the problems i think with mental health today is that we'll treat the depression and anxiety and then we enter this sort of like intermediate period where like my anxiety is better maybe i'm not as agoraphobic maybe the panic attacks have gotten better the fear of death has gotten better but i still can't do what i want to do i don't feel ready i've fallen behind and so it's almost like you know in physical injuries we have this idea of rehab so you have the stroke and then you have the stroke care right maybe you'll do a tpa or like whatever you do some kind of procedure and then there's this sort of assumption that like after you have a big physical injury let's say you break a bone with physical medicine we're really really good at sort of saying like okay we're gonna give you medical care right you're gonna have the surgeon who's gonna come and fix your leg they're gonna put nails in it or whatever screws and then you're gonna go see a physical therapist for six months and get back to where you were so in physical medicine we have a good injury control rehabilitation to back to where you are okay when it comes to mental health care this is missing right so like we'll have treatments for anxiety we'll have treatments for depression but what do you do afterward right so like now you're 23 your friends are all way ahead of you like how do you deal with that and so there's a big part of this so what we're going to do is kind of approach this in a couple of different ways one thing is i'm not going to go too much into the concept of falling behind because there's a whole video about that on dr k's guide in the depression module there's some scott or fallen behind where that comes from things like that how to deal with that we're still going to talk about something but if you guys are really interested in that that resonates with you that's kind of we already have that there so we're going to focus on other things today so then what happens is like you've kind of fallen behind right you've missed out on some years so when i've missed out on something i need to make up for it right so now like you have this fear of death you've missed out on a couple years you want to live life to the fullest but you're paralyzed you're not ready so what's going on there what does it mean to be not ready why do we need to be ready what are we looking for so the first thing to understand is that if the number one reason why we don't do things when we want to do things i mean i don't know if it's the number one reason is not being ready this concept of writing this is something that's very very dangerous it's very very sneaky and it keeps us very paralyzed so one thing let's try to dig into this a little bit okay so what is readiness when i feel ready how do i feel right because this is like i'm i don't feel ready what what do we think of what are we shooting for when we want to feel ready we feel confident we feel prepared so what does go readiness sort of mean it means that i can handle what comes i'm not 100 sure about what's coming but i can handle it right that's what it means to be ready so like i'm ready for this test so whatever the test sends me i you know i can handle it so the first thing to understand is that if we've fallen behind and we lack confidence in ourselves what is that going to do to our sense of readiness now that what i mean by that is like feeling ready and being ready are two entirely different things and the problem is that if you feel insecure if you lack confidence if you've fallen behind as long as you believe that you will never be ready because you can prepare and prepare and prepare but as long as you lack the confidence you'll never feel ready you can be ready like what do you need to be ready to go to the gym maybe a bottle of water that's it right like what else do you need you don't need anything the whole point is you do the work there so readiness is tricky because readiness is a problem that is born of our insecurity which appears to have an external solution and that's what gets us stuck because we go on thinking okay let me get these workout clothes let me get this water bottle let me start exercising at home we look at all of these internal solutions but the source of on unreadiness is right here and it keeps on spewing a feeling of unreadiness and so we go on like trying to fix our life trying to fix our life trying to fix our life and we never make any progress even though we're making progress and so then we don't act okay so the other thing that i kind of want to point out is that like sometimes when we feel insecure let's like just look at the social example for a second our mind will start to project okay so i'm still anxious around people and still insecure with who i am i've accepted my anxiety and have made massive progress but i still feel left behind i want to reconnect with my old friends and have a good time but i don't feel prepared enough i'm too anxious what if they ask me how i've been doing these last few years and we can see this too where the person kind of says i never thought i would have been in that position i'd speak to peers online and make up lies about my situation so in terms of social readiness i want to reconnect with people i lie about my situation what's going on there so what's wrong with saying you know last two or three years have been rough the pandemic hit me hard i actually got like hit with really bad anxiety and depression and it really threw me off and like honestly it took years to just get over the anxiety and now i'm putting my life back together what's wrong with saying that right so then people will say well like what will people think they'll think i'm pathetic now let's understand be careful let's understand if you think that sharing your life will make other people think you're pathetic where does that idea come from why does your mind conclude that someone else will think you're pathetic right so like i i mean this has been my experience that when you share with someone that you're struggling and you're making progress and stuff like that as long as like you don't monopolize the conversation about it and mention it at every turn and you actually hang out and have a good time i actually think most people will respect you for that and it's not like the last two or three years have been easy on most people right let's be honest like the pandemic has accelerated how bad rental health is everyone's been on the struggle bus people who say like i've been on the struggle bus oftentimes will open the door for connection because everyone else has been struggling but no one wants to say it so we all lie to each other that everything is okay and then we don't engage with each other and we become further isolated because we don't want to share how much we're struggling so where does it come from it comes from here right because what we do is like human nature we insert into the minds of other people the way that we think ourselves so it's the person who has the affair that is paranoid that their partner is cheating on them right it's the person who trusts other human beings who gets taken advantage of right until they learn so we assume that other people will come to the same conclusions we have that's just how the mind works it's how our empathic circuitry works so since you feel like you're pathetic if people knew that if they saw you they would come to the same conclusion whereas like that's not actually usually the case right usually like when people think someone is pathetic it's not because they're actually struggling it's because of the way in which they advertise their patheticness so there's something to be learned there for sure but generally speaking the reason that you think everyone's going to think this way is because you feel that way about yourself so i'll give you like another example eating disorders someone can be have a bmi of 14 and think they're overweight and they'll be embarrassed to wear a swimsuit because everyone else is gonna think i'm so fat i'm so fat i'm so disgusting everyone else is going to think that way too i use that as an example because like hopefully i'll understand some about eating disorders and you can see that's just like that's not how other people are going to think right you can have someone who's got an eating disorder and other people will be telling them you're underweight you're underweight you need to gain weight you need to gain weight and the person with the eating disorder if they've got it in their head that they're overweight no amount of like stuff is going to change that so that's when it rises to the clinical level where like they're very impervious to feedback and stuff like that but even remember that clinical pathology oftentimes is an amplification of what actually exists within us so everyone can feel sad when it rises to a certain level we call it depression everyone worries about the future when it rises to a certain level we call it anxiety everyone is worried about what people think when it rises to a particular level we call it social anxiety and eating disorders the opinions of others projecting our judgments on to how other people are going to perceive us as human nature it's how we work that's the nature of empathy right so i can understand what that person is thinking because i can think it myself there are all kinds of other little things like so gift giving is a good example of this where for some people giving gifts is like a huge huge show of like a particular it means something in a relationship for other people gift giving is more casual right so like when i don't get a gift i interpret that as my partner does not love me and does not care about me because that's what it means to me it may mean something completely different to him or the flip side is i didn't get my partner a gift and i'm torn up with guilt because guilt uh gifts are very important to me but my partner really doesn't care that much they're totally fine with it they don't you know not that big of a deal so we project our own judgments onto other people okay so the key thing to understand here is when you don't feel ready there's being ready and there's feeling ready and feeling ready comes from you some amount of preparation can help for sure right so like i don't feel ready for a test i may not actually be ready for a test maybe i'll study hopefully it'll help so i'm not saying don't prepare at all but then there's kind of another angle to this which is a little bit more almost spiritual in nature so this is a person who's afraid of death and is missed out on something so why is writing this important because you have to make up for it if you have to make up for it it has to be perfect right if i have an f on my transcript i can't afford to get a b because i'm already behind i absolutely need an a or even an a plus an extra credit and so then what happens is my mind is unsatisfied with a b unsatisfied with a c unsatisfied with a d the only thing it'll look for is an a and a guaranteed a at that because if i don't get an a and it winds up being a b then i'm screwed and i've fallen further behind and i had this opportunity to make things up and i can't make it up so what does that readiness mean readiness means a guarantee of an a so if you're afraid of death and you need to make up and you want to live life to the fullest what readiness means is knowing that you will live life to the fullest but that's never going to happen so then you get stuck and so some people may think i want to live life to the fullest why can't i [ __ ] do anything and it's because you want to live life to the fullest that you can't do anything because the only thing you're willing to do is when you know you can live life to the fullest so paradoxically it's not it it's not like these two things are at odds they're one and the same because how can you go to a party if it doesn't go perfectly how can you go go to a party how you've missed out on so many parties so this party that i have to go to i need to be confident i need to have a good time i need to have an answer i need to say something i can be proud of because if i can't say something i'm going to be proud of i'm not going to have a good time i'm going to miss out and then it's just like it's all over again i've been traumatized by this once i don't want to do it again never again never again never again needs i need to be ready this party needs to be hype i need to have the best time of my life because i'm 23 years old and i've missed two or three years of my life i need to make up for it so i want to be ready so how do you deal with this this is where we lean on spirituality so the first thing to understand is that when we think about writing this we want things to be good we want things to be perfect we don't want things to be painful so this is the other thing about readiness readiness is the avoidance of pain at its essence because when i'm ready i can handle it and bad things don't have to happen and i can avoid the pain when i can hold my head up high and they ask me what have you been up to i can answer freely and speak with pride i don't have to lie even if i lie i feel guilty on the inside oh my god and if i speak the truth it's so shaming so do you see i have a choice once i'm ready i don't have to experience that shame i don't have to experience that guilt readiness is an antidote to those things it's the avoidance of those things because when i'm ready like that i have nothing to worry about i won't feel any anxiety i won't feel any shame i won't feel any guilt once i'm ready when am i ready to go to the gym when i'm ripped then i don't have to feel like i'm out of shape i don't have to feel like other people are judging me i don't have to be ashamed of myself i don't have to be pathetic when the person at the gym swipes me in and then 15 minutes later i leave and they're thinking this guy's not cut out for it they're not thinking about you but it doesn't matter right that's what you think like if i was working in a gym i saw someone come for a little while and then leave it's like hey at least they made it i've been there there are too many days where i have chosen not to go for 15 minutes and just stayed at home instead and the next day i wish i had gone for 15 minutes but the 15 minutes is a c we can't have c's because we're so far behind so readiness is the avoidance of pain so what do you do with this the first is on a fundamental spiritual level if you want to wipe this away root and stem and leaf and flower all of it understand that life is a totality that part of the experience of life is pain right that's the nature of things like if you want to become healthy you're going to be huffing and puffing for a while like that's just how it is right if i want to get good at a video game i'm going to go in and like get owned like i tried pvping for the first time like a week ago in lost ark and like got absolutely demolished and that's just the price of life that's what happens like life is going to be a totality life is not perfect right life is not all positive now the problem is that society has developed in such a way where it deludes us into thinking it's all positive it deludes us into thinking that like pure happiness is possible how did this happen because of things like social media oh my god look at all these people out there being so happy so if i log into facebook or instagram and i see all these posts of people having a great time i think this is what life is right even when we talk about depression you know what what what posts get upvoted the most on reddit when people talk about depression they're the ones that are like i kicked my depression's ass 40 000 upvotes i finally stopped letting depression take advantage of me and i cleaned my room here's before and here's after even the people struggling with depression are absolute chads there's the way that the good people handle depression absolute chad and then there's me i can't even clean like i wish i was like man i wish i had that kind of depression because like their depression is like turning them into a good person it's like look at how like much they're growing is a human i can't even clean my [ __ ] sink think about that the triumph of the human spirit is how we represent adversity it's not the failure of the human spirit the truth is most of the time it's failure of the human spirit there's a reason why that one post gets upvoted and we have a thousand posts about depression is kicking my ass in one post about i conquered my depression right that's why they're stories that's why they propagate because they're the exception so readiness is the avoidance of pain readiness is your mind's way of telling you hey if you get ready it doesn't have to hurt you don't have to lie anymore well you don't have to lie now it's just the only thing is you're gonna have to deal with a little bit of shame so understand that life is both and the big big big irony this is why readiness is so [ __ ] paralyzing the big big irony is it's the person who looks for readiness to be the avoidance of pain that never winds up doing anything and is never ready the person who is actually ready is doing the opposite they're the one who's saying you know what is the best i'm gonna do i'm never gonna be ready i might as well go and that's readiness it's the acceptance of pain that life is a totality it's not just like one way and you can't escape from that other piece right that's the other big thing that we just like all need to understand is like you just can't escape there's no way to escape from the suffering that is life that's what buddha said when he talked about duk he's like there's no pass you can use drugs for a while if you want to not going to fix the problem it'll delude you into thinking it you can pretend it doesn't exist by spending time on the internet you can look at other people who triumph and say oh i want to get to that point but what they don't understand like you don't see the thousand other days before my clean kitchen where i struggled we don't advertise the nasty parts we don't advertise the boring part so we give ourselves a false perception so accept life in its totality except that it's gonna suck except that this is the price you pay you fell behind you were cursed with depression bad rng this is the consequence that has nothing to do with you right you can maybe take some actions here there you spawned with fear of death depression anxiety and agoraphobia right you're now 23 and like you're behind so be it once you accept that life is a totality then like readiness is no longer necessary and you can act because you don't have to get an a you can get a b a b is still going to improve your average right and then you can maybe get an a next time so you want to live life to the fullest but it's your desire to live life to the fullest that keeps you living life why don't you just start [ __ ] living life and then you'll get to fullest eventually but you're never going to find it ahead of time that's the essence of it right it's like i want to live life to the fullest like why don't you just start living start living halfway bro or girl start living halfway but that's not enough so be it it's never going to be enough what is fullest how do you live life to the fullest what does that mean like think about what is this thing that you're chasing i want to live life to the fullest like tell me what is that it's not a thing does it mean going to a party with 15 people does it mean going to 15 parties a week does it mean going to a single party it's an unsolvable problem stop trying to live life to the fullest and just start living life whatever it has to offer when you start living life whatever it has to offer that's when you get the fullness of life because the fullness of life is not just positive the fullness of life is pain and pleasure this is why our literature is the way that it is it's not you know we don't have movies about i was born rich and every day of my life has been easy and good and in the end i win that's not the movie the movie is pain and pleasure together triumph over adversity accept both that's how you live life to the fullest shooting for just the pleasure that's not life to the fullest that's half of life you're afraid of living half of life and that causes you to live half of life you're afraid you want to live life to the fullest and you're living half a life instead live life live half the life and you'll live a life of fullness whatever it has to offer take it that's like literally that's life so i'm gonna leave y'all with kind of a spiritual scripture this is i guess you could call it it's called a prayer it's not really a prayer so the concept of prayer is like a western thing sort well it's not just a western thing but it's not really a prayer so this is a segment it's it's a set of sutras from one of the upanishads of the hindu tradition and people turned it into a prayer but really it's like an explanation of things it's like science more than spirituality you're not asking for anything you're not beseeching anyone so it's not like that but people use it as a prayer but it's really like it's a nugget of wisdom that people will chant and will meditate on um eva there's a hole like not h-o-l-e like they're the hole w-h-o-l-e you can take a piece out of the hole and the hole still remains whole interestingly enough the hole is still represented within the piece the hole is not diminished by removing a piece from it right so you guys don't need to chant that thing but i want you all to really think about the next time you meditate so as you do a formal meditation practice think a little bit about the totality of life what is life just look around and observe use the full of your focus to observe and ask yourself what the is this you're so afraid of death like forget about death like start figuring out life why are you so concerned about death like forget about death what you need to figure out is what you're doing here so what is the totality of life think about it what does life have to offer and hopefully you'll understand that in life there's just it and any kind of positive you try to create out of it will create a negative on the flip side any tried and a kind of negative that you experience will also have a positive that's just how it works if i split a neutron i don't just get a proton or i don't just get an electron i get a proton and an electron right if i break a cookie in half i'm gonna get two equal pieces like there's just no way that you can get one plus one equals three it's just not possible and life is the same way all pain has pleasure associated with it all pleasure has pain associated with it and if you disagree with that you could disagree with that logically if you want to whatever but experience it right and people will say but all i experience is pain i don't experience pleasure well that's because you're not there yet that's been my experience anyway so i've come to understand the wisdom of of the sutra and it's like it's staggering and will be transformative if you ever get it question okay this is a great question what does it mean to not be there yet what it means to be not there yet is a false understanding of how things work because there is no yet and there is no there those are both conceptions of the mind all that exists is what is and all that exists is here so you will never i will i'm not there yet is not something to even think about in its true sense i realize i just said that but that's the honest answer so if you understand that if you understand that what you'll realize is there's no there and there's no yet there's only what you do today right there's only where you are now are you at the gym no okay so go there right be here do the thing that's life do that over and over and over and over and over again then you will be living life to the fullest it's that simple it's hard but it's simple does this lesson sort of relate to just yolo through life sort of right what is yolo yola is carpe diem so like i don't think so i think the problem here is that sometimes remember how we were saying that the mind will infuse itself into whatever it perceives right so if i'm anorexic and i think i'm overweight i'm gonna assume that other people think i look fat the challenge with the yolo carpe diem crowd is that oftentimes there is some kind of like subtle emotional or physical need that they will then use this philosophy to be an [ __ ] right so like i don't want to feel guilty i don't want to care about other people so i'm just going to yolo it i don't want to prepare so i'm going to yolo yolo has become synonymous for forget about consequences but most people who yolo are not like don't behave the same way as enlightened folks it's in fact oftentimes they're very opposite i don't know if that kind of makes sense to y'all but it's like it's a very important distinction so there's a difference between yoloing and like acting yolo and in acting yolo suppressing all of the negativity that you have that's a false yolo right so generally like sometimes they can look similar you got to be really careful about what's on the inside right does that make sense don't do the yolo be the yellow yeah right so sometimes because like let's think about you only live once so what's that for right that that's an excuse to get away with crap do you all see that it's like such a subtle excuse for the slippery ass mind you only live once guess i might as well not do that project you only live once i don't need to text this person back you only live once guess i'm gonna eat pizza seven days a week right like that's not and by the way you know for the record the meditative tradition does not believe that you only live once right so i mean like in general i think that sees the day is a good idea right that's some of the sentiment behind yolo that's good like take enjoy every day to its fullest that i agree with but don't try to maximize the fullness like the enjoyment of every day that's what a lot of yolo people do and in doing so they actually like live a life of hedonism is this similar to the performance mode gifted kids usually rely on sort of yeah i mean i think there's a lot of overlap so i think falling behind needing to be ready you know being unable to not get an a all of those things are relevant to gifted kids for sure you

Channel: HealthyGamerGG

Views: 129,198

Keywords: mental health, drk, dr kanojia, healthygamergg, healthy gamer gg, twitch, psychiatrist

Id: M1DIwzXlTX4

Length: 34min 2sec (2042 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 21 2022