WTF?! CRAZIEST Auditions on AGT 2023

[Applause] accident hello again we met a little bit earlier on tell us your name and why you're here today please use the mic [Applause] what yeah we'll start again yeah so tell us your name why are you here please my name is Williams and I am eight years old eight years old and where are you from I'm from I'm from Georgia oh okay now do you think you can win yeah just say yes definitely okay I'm guessing you're going to play the drum yes shall we start the ACT yes yes thank you [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you [Applause] got me like oh my God [Applause] oh my God [Applause] thank you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] it was fun it was energetic you guys are adorable I think everybody in this room love you I haven't seen anything like this before on this stage you guys might have a very big chance to win this competition because I think everyone is gonna go crazy I didn't like it what no absolutely loved it I mean seriously that's not to lie it was so much fun and they're so talented this is one of my favorite favorite auditions this year I really mean that being at we have to vote no no no no no no no no no no there is no need to vote no need oh tioma you told me backstage that you dreamed about being on AGT and getting a golden buzzer machioma and the Atlanta drama Academy I have honored to make that dream come true [Applause] how do you feel your dream has just come true sir it is amazing [Applause] you are going straight to the live show I'm Alfie Andrew I'm 12 years old and I'm from Manchester England welcome welcome thank you are you a comedian no I'm a singer how does it feel like all by yourself on that stage 12 years old I would be terrified to be honest with you um I mean I am definitely nervous can I say something the way you've dressed you are so cool honestly it just works super super cool thank you yeah you are so tell us a little bit do you come from a family of music music and then my mom was like nails and stuff and your parents came here with you I know I'm with my aunt hi Auntie are they waiting for the phone call yeah yeah I bet okay good luck to you good luck thank you adorable adorable why call adults be like kids because kids are nicer than adults Lady Gaga is gonna be good foreign [Music] [Music] I won't let go till the end tonight [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] I won't live till I understand [Music] [Laughter] [Music] I heard a story out cause she once told me that I would be happy again [Applause] why I promise [Music] thank you wow I mean you can really sing thank you you just nailed it you hit every note I think the only thing standing between you and an amazing singing career is puberty yeah you're a very distinct voice as well it's the first time in America yeah okay but I think you made the right decision to come here the people are going to remember you and they're gonna root for you and you're so cool all right should we vote for Alfie yes please yes thank you yes yes thank you [Applause] that feels good [Applause] bye what is your name my name is Brent Cummings and I'm a ventriloquist [Applause] how old are you um I'm 12. where are you from uh we're from Paw Paw Michigan how did you get into doing this how did you know you could do this um well it was actually I remember seeing Darcy Lynn on AGT and that's um inspired me I literally looked at my parents as soon as I saw it and I went that's what I'm gonna do so and look at you now right here in front of us that's amazing what are you gonna do if you win one million dollars I mean it's a big thing but probably I'd like to follow in Darcy's footsteps and start touring unless we got like a tour bus and I also really want a bearded dragon oh wow okay we're ready go ahead foreign music I don't want to sing anymore what this is what we practice for weeks I'm thinking about it and it's been done they want to see something else something new but we haven't practiced anything else what's your plan I've got I've done capitalism wait what mind read quit playing around let's just sing the song trust me taking down to the judges is that allowed yeah sure yeah I have a bad feeling about this oh stop worrying seriously I don't know what I'm supposed to do it's okay we'll use a deck of cards check your pocket wait what 10 Heidi I'd like you to cut the deck one time Ellie I'd like you to take the top card all right look away and close your eyes show me the card I will send my thoughts to dren using my brilliant mental powers what do I do now just concentrate what comes to mind a migraine okay I'm focused I see I think it's black that's it keep thinking it's a club is it the seven of clubs open your eyes [Applause] that's amazing that's crazy in the moments or going to go back on stage that as we do Sophia hi please take out any item from your thirst they keep it hidden through now okay Simon please turn out into the audience and grab an object any object around anyone yep in the army and judges don't let us see what you picked do not let us see what you think [Applause] I'll give it back let's make this a little more interesting Siri can you bring out the blindfold blindfolds Terry and stuck with lion dog hold it up to the lights can you see through it no I can't perfect please turn it on the ring okay make it make it nice and tight nice and tight perfect perfect thank you Terry you can go you can leave now thank you so much you're gonna figure out what objects the judges are holding Sofia hold your object up into the air then clear your lines it's a food um it might be it has some sugar in it um it might be like a good treat maybe you leave it when Santa comes is it a cookie Sofia what was your address real cookies oh my gosh since you're doing so well you're gonna try this one solo Penelope come on I need your help time here's a clue Simon's object can fit inside of this room and wait I'm getting something it's it's an accessory um you might wear it on your ink no you wear on your wrist uh is it an Apple Watch uh yes [Applause] it was so much fun it's so great to see you ride up close how good you're doing it I loved it this is the season of mashups the fact that you did Magic or mentalism and ventriloquism at the same time you're amazing thank you so much you really figured out like a perfect little act for yourself you're part comedian too I thought it was a lot of fun well done thank you so much you are so talented so Charming people are gonna root for you you did something we've never seen before and for me you never want to see the same thing again but not quite as good you want to see it better or different and that's what you did yes second yes hello hi what is your name and where are you from Sir um I'm Roland abanti I am from Philippines what will you be doing for us today [Applause] so he's gonna sing tonight he's gonna sing for us okay okay and um so are you are you a singer in the Philippines so in the Philippines he's just saying in the neighborhood where they have karaoke ah okay so you do it as a karaoke for fun for fun can I ask you a question you have a day job and then [Music] so in the Philippines my work is in the morning I'm a fisherman and in the afternoon I I do drive a motorbike and I deliver passengers and goods wow amazing so why America's Got Talent uh you make him cry every night I see in my cell phone only because I this is my big dream we meet there to be here Roland do you want to have a hug before you start or you're good okay okay okay okay [Applause] wow that's the biggest Catch of the Day yes [Applause] okay are we ready now ready yes okay good luck to you mama he's so nervous I'm nervous now for him too [Music] [Applause] [Music] despite [Music] you want to know [Music] so warmer [Applause] I give you everything I can [Applause] trying to hold on to your precious love this baby baby please talks with me back [Applause] is she convinced him he's the last one to love cause baby baby [Applause] Heidi that hug really works [Applause] I don't think you could have done it better mic drop [Applause] you were amazing you should be very proud of yourself you're gonna have to stop fishing because this is where you need it to be yeah I genuinely thought for one moment you weren't going to be able to do this and then that happened and it actually made me love this audition even more and I really like you yeah I agree with what Simon said you know the you have a beautiful no it's okay I think he gets excited with Simon his favorite judge oh this is [Music] [Applause] [Music] I'm gonna kick this boat off with your first yes number two second yes yes thank you four yeses okay hello [Applause] you hear me yes I can hear you can you hear me yep no problem what is your name how old are you and where are you from please ah my name's Sean wines I'm 59 years old and I'm from the south coast of the UK all right what do you do for a living I'm a music teacher ah um I used to be an electrician yes but 20 years ago a chance meeting with someone said you should go into teaching and I did and now I'm here and I can't believe it it's incredible and how old are your students ages of five six um right the way up to 18. where would you see yourself in five years time um still teaching I hope because I absolutely love what I do and the kids keep me young so what has taken you so long to come here to audition I I never thought about it but I've always said to all the kids you know we do a lot of concerts and they get really nervous and they say sir I'm really nervous and I said well look if you weren't nervous I'd be nervous yeah but it's not like that for you and I thought okay maybe I need to do something are you nervous right now nervous oh just a little bit yeah all right go ahead good luck okay thank you very much all right let's see what he does [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] foreign [Applause] did you ever imagine that you could be a rock star I have a mix of emotions I it's the most nerve-wracking thing I've ever done but also the most exhilarating my legs are going you look so normal and nice and sweet and then you turn into somebody else when you perform I love that you did everything kind of like eyes closed and you couldn't believe your eyes when we were all standing up on you no you're the cutest no I was waiting for the red X's [Applause] look Sophia you're jealous of the shoes wow I'm erwan I'm 33 years old and I'm from France and what will you be doing for us today let's see oh it's a surprise it's dangerous oh so if you were you were a million dollars what would you do the first thing I do is buy one Heist for my mother for her thank you I don't know I'm nervous oh wait what is that baby can't you see I'm calling a guy like you should wear one dangerous I'm falling I don't want to see this There's No Escape I came away [Music] [Applause] [Applause] you're toxic things [Applause] questions [Applause] [Applause] Jesus [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] did you know [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] foreign you are incredible thank you so much I have to say I love the combination I've never seen this combination and you look so good doing it your middle name needs to be danger because that was like heart stopping go to Vegas with this like we've seen sword swallowing before now you're hanging in the air and still doing it you're very unique I loved it everything about this this audition was what we want I mean it's different you have real Showmanship this is one of the best auditions this year thank you very much thank you thank you yes thank you why you got three weeks [Applause] hello what's your name and your age my name is Aaron belisle and I'm 28 years old [Applause] well I can't dance so I'm gonna do stand-up comedy oh wonderful how long have you been doing I did my first open mic about a year ago what got you into comedy last winter I ended up in Portugal I ended up going to a comedy show there and making all the comics laugh and they convinced me to try it wow so comedy generally is about timing how what is your process [Applause] please hold while the operator types his response to do my comedy I use a Text-to-Speech app interestingly enough the silence while I type just builds tension during a set and I think people enjoy watching me laugh at my own joke that I'm writing you should also know that if you Heckle me my service dog is trained to go for the vocal cords um can I ask do you have a day job [Applause] I'm an engineer so young man the stage is yours best of luck most of you look super confused right now so let's talk about the elephant in the room I know what you're all thinking who ordered Stephen Hawking off of wish.com he might be smarter than me but I would beat him in a race unless the race is downhill then I'm screwed [Applause] we also have different conditions he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis and I am Canadian foreign specifically I'm half French on my left side I also have a brain muscle disability called cerebral palsy but being French is way worse than a brain disability wow [Applause] I used to have the word handicapped in my social media bio and then some random white lady messaged me telling me I need to change it to disabled oh you can't say that word anymore it is offensive to disabled people hmm I don't think it's offensive last time I checked I was pretty disabled well you get to decide what is offensive or not to disable people [Laughter] who the hell does then some two-legged white woman on Facebook who is probably commenting on her phone from a handicapped bathroom stall foreign thank you for listening [Applause] funny Fearless your dog is beautiful it was just a great great great audition [Applause] you are the one comedian that finally wins AGT I love how you found your way I think you're very clever you're cheeky and you really were really funny I mean we were all laughing it was fantastic I cannot believe you've only been doing this for one year because you seem to have a grasp of timing and humor you open up the conversation and normalize humanity and originality and your funny I think sir you're not going to be doing engineering much longer I think you're going to be full-time performing so I'm going to start off the voting with a yes that yes for me that makes it four yeses welcome to America's Got Talent thank you thank you and what is your names my name is Alexander my name is Lena it's my wife oh wow congratulations thank you how long have you been married more than 10 years okay where are you from we are from Ukraine oh America's got love for the Ukraine we're with you and I should also say that one of my favorite acts of all time is light balance and light balance kids which are also Ukrainian oh great friends it's our great friends oh yeah so uh what do you do I work as choreographer and director and we created a den show with the gallographic cube wow and you what did you do Miss with my muse I'm the creative producer oh wow well I gotta tell you you know the Ukraine on this stage has preceded you in showing us how original and creative the Ukrainian people are and so I can't I can't wait to see this but the bar is pretty high good luck thank you [Music] [Music] in the morning [Applause] foreign [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] and how you told me [Music] [Applause] [Music] tonight [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] we want to invite a stop hi oh who is he he's our partner and is responsible for this beauty which is around Alexander what do you think Sophia that was the best thing that they've seen this season for me sometimes because there was a lot of like technology in this act and I think that can be a bit soulless and you combine it with everything else you are such a star you dance so beautifully this was like amazing we were like oh like thank you there were just so many amazing wow moments it was incredible well done you come from the country you're from from such strife and you have the ability to just flourish creatively and you know just beautifully I'm going to start off the voting with a yes thanks I'm gonna give you a second yes I think you guys are gonna have an amazing chance of winning ADT this year yes you've got four yeses my name is Grace good and Grace how old are you I turned 30 tomorrow [Applause] thank you and where are you from I currently live in Las Vegas I knew you're gonna say that what are you doing in Vegas um just kind of are you in a show I'm not in a show would you like to have your own show I would love to have my own Sunday so that's what I'm here to do hopefully I can impress some people and show you you specifically Simon something hopefully you've never seen before I keep saying this we're not the ones you've got to impress it's the audience yeah simple as that so good luck thank you guys oh [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] all right [Applause] come on [Music] [Applause] oh my goodness [Music] wow [Music] to the Bone [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] oh God [Music] I really didn't expect that because we've seen a lot of people do hula hooping and stuff but never like this thank you have you never remember uh I've burnt my hair a lot you're an aerialist but that's not enough let's light it on fire and at the end you swallowed Flames that was amazing it was fun it was unique thank you great in Vegas for sure that was so amazing thank you we're gonna vote start with Howie yes yes what do we think foreign thank you what is your name and your age my name is David record breaker rush and I am 38 years old are you actually a record breaker I have broken over 250 Guinness World Records titles what three years ago I actually came on stage and broke a record for t-shirt ripping with Terry Crews yes here three years ago and that is that what you do for a living a technology company but this year I just quit my job in Tech because I want to be on stage to entertain and inspire so today I'm going to break another Guinness World Record title so the feedback I got last time Heidi and Simon said yes but Howie you're the one that stood up and said I want something more exciting and so I came back today to get your yes and I thought what better way than to have Howie break the Guinness World Records title with me and I'm like what is how we good at and I thought Howie [Applause] don't want to be touched and I would I'm going to help you and you're gonna come up here on stage and do it with me [Applause] listen all right come on and this time I am prepared and I brought an official Guinness World Records judicator with me so we can make it certified live and official tonight Michael lambrick everyone he's back all right let me ask a question if we break the record do I get into the Guinness Book of World Record you absolutely do this is a two-person record both on the certificate okay what okay so I've been practicing for months I've been doing it for years for your whole life so what we're gonna do is get your fist bumps here it's almost alternating fist bumps in 30 seconds put your hands out just like this okay kind of press against my arm right like so both hands flat against there okay and we go back and forth for fast we can for 30 seconds hang on hang on what is the world record yes yeah so the existing record is 273. David holds that record now and is attempting to beat that today okay here we go you'll start on my go three two one go [Music] [Applause] stop [Applause] [Applause] come on all right Michael did they break the record that was a little fast I think I need to review the tape backstage and we'll have the results shortly oh we can't wait I don't think they made it in time okay we'll be back shortly with the results come on Michael so the mark to beat was 273 right today Howie David you had [Music] 380 it's a new tennis [Applause] there is no feedback I can give on this at all thank you I broke a record no you didn't the other gentleman did however it just wasn't an interesting world record it was the most boring act I've ever seen I it shouldn't be anywhere yeah it just looked very odd I think I'm gonna break one right now are you nuts yes yes are you nuts no Sophia absolutely no I'm afraid there is a no so you got one yes thank you Howie thank you hello good evening good evening who are you what is your name I'm Ricardo I'm From Italy oh we're in Italy yeah Palermo Sicily Sicily Siciliano Siciliano yes how old are you I'm 21. oh your baby are you super nervous that you're here yeah it's a dream for me to be here what is uh your talent today I'm gonna performing a song so you're saying I'm guessing it's like some beautiful Opera thank you I love your outfit you look very elegant thank you so much okay we're ready thank you it doesn't look like he's 21. you're right he looks fine too laughs [Music] [Applause] hahaha [Applause] [Music] [Applause] the pride of Italy [Applause] and they love him you flew all the way from Italy to do that yeah you know what it's not so much how it sounds but where it comes from because a lot of people listen to Muse the music that is manufactured technically and yours is all handmade I mean just try this I don't want it it looks so easy but it's like I can't I'm giving you your first yes thank you I'm gonna do what the audience wants and I'm gonna say yes what is your ultimate dream I want really to be a pioneer of this instrument to bring it everywhere to the pop music The Rock music everywhere so that movie is I can't wait to hear you best of luck [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] as a show in Las Vegas so I am gonna say no I'm sorry I wish you nothing but the best but it's a no for me thank you so much and together okay so you've flown a long way to come on the show why our biggest dream is to perform in Las Vegas AGT show wow yeah do you think it's good enough to win I think we have a good chance thank you best of luck we always say on this show two minutes can change your life thank you so much thank you what is set up they have a setup over there they have a setup over here where the heck is this now oh tell us about that oh my God can I get a helmet oh they're actually bolting the ladder down it was changing through the very small they're like bracelets I know I'll take your seat you sit here [Applause] all right it's time will they go what are they gonna do what are they gonna do [Music] whoa [Applause] [Applause] oh my goodness foreign [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] that's the most amazing balancing I've ever seen unbelievable foreign [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] all right [Applause] foreign [Applause] [Applause] that is the scariest most dangerous act I have ever seen on America's Got Talent thank you I mean you are you are devils I'm sweating for my armpits so badly I was screaming along I love the two of you you're amazing thank you even the moment that you looked like you were not gonna make it made it even better it was from start to finish about as close to Perfection I've seen over the years you are absolutely brilliant Heidi I've done the numbers it's four thousands how is it when you're like in the wing about to come out are you nervous then or but Terry's back there what is he doing over there no just you know giving motivational talks and everything I think he has a TED Talk coming up or something okay so tell us who is who and where are you from my name is Orlando labor I am 45 from Miami Florida and I'm a stand-up comic how did you get into that uh it's my wife it was my birthday and she gave me a gift to a school that teaches you improv acting and then the Improv teacher says Ah you're not good at improv uh you should try stand up and now you're here on the biggest stage in the world what a journey man take it away thank you thank you thank you I like this vibe thank you thank you I'm happy to be here my name is Orlando I'm married uh 15 years you could hear it in my voice uh there's a little essence of defeat every time I open my mouth uh you hear it like every good husband that listen woman you want to get your lotto after this is that possible she's a good woman she got me into that show Yellowstone I love that show uh yeah yeah it's a great show but I feel like less of a man every time that I watch should I buy a truck I feel like I should buy a truck for those that don't know Yellowstone is a TV show about a cattle ranch ran by The Bodyguard himself Kevin Costner yeah yeah a man a man right the writing is great the acting is excellent but the visuals of Yellowstone are amazing Yellowstone the park looks amazing so imagine my excitement with my buddy Eric invited me to his wedding where in Yellowstone are you coming oh I'm there I've been watching the show and I landed guys I got it this place was so beautiful so Majestic I understood Kevin Costner shoot I became Kevin Costner by the third day I was telling people to get off my land get off my land I won't get you go on get from that cucumber water sir you've had enough of our minerals thank you I drove out into the park I'm a city guy man and I was out there in nature unsupervised I saw Elks the real ones with the with the coat racks I saw else I saw Bears doing bear stuff they waved at meter one got a little bit too close I said you go on get Yogi I told him here's a big one I saw Bisons those are real [Applause] were made up like unicorns but there he was a bison in the middle of the road looking like a bougie cow Moon I see your Kyle I see you I kept driving because they told me to go see Old Faithful Old Faithful for those who know don't know it's a thermal guy so that shoots water and steam out into the sky from the middle of the Earth allegedly I hadn't seen it yet when I got there they call it Old Faithful because Old Faithful always goes off right on time plus or minus 10 minutes I read the sign and Old Faithful did not let us down it went off right on time plus 10 minutes it reminded me of me in my 20s I was like I remember when I could do that yeah yeah I can't I can't do that anymore I can't I'm more like all dependable or or maybe later plus or minus 10 days it all depends on my tummy my name is Orlando labor Simon you are just naturally funny thank you man it felt like you were telling us something that really happened you know it really did I believe that you do this full time or you have another job because I do this full-time man okay and what were you doing before this oh I was a satellite engineer for another Network that is not this network but you know Sophia I am so glad that your wife helped you like start your career you deserve to be on a stage thank you Lord from the second you walk out on this stage you you're winning how long have you been doing this uh 13 years huh well you know what it is really paid off I mean you are like fine wine and you're at the top of your game thank you I'm a huge fan I loved you too I love your top bun I love your face it's super cute adorable adorable adorable you thank you thank you guys you made us laugh and that's what a comedian is supposed to do so well done I'm gonna start the voting with your first yes thank you second yes you've now got four yeses congratulations surprise [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] the sound of UFO flying [Applause] my Jamaican mother wants me to lose weight but she doesn't know how to tell me she's in New York she comes to La you know how you see your parents you become a child again mommy she's like Jacqueline Laura Mercier fight Jesus you are a flower what are you eating people I don't like weight loss TV shows if you love that show The Biggest Loser you and I can't be friends seven days a week and oh yeah we're gonna make you wear a small spandex bra and baby panties and where you want to scale them for cattle on national TV wouldn't you lose one you want to impress me get a bunch of fatties and lock them at a donut shop I'll go into a diabetic home up wins that's a show how did I get into this how do I make noises I don't know I grew up making noises I can't stop it man when I was growing up I lived next to an active Runway my father was in the Air Force so that meant every few seconds that was me my mom wasn't prepared for that why is the six-month-old baby making noises when in life I learned that these sounds can get you in trouble give an example on an aircraft this is what I did not allowed to do this don't do that on a plane man if you go they're gonna think it's real I did that oh [Music] freaking cart now don't do that this is Barbara Walters and today on my show I award-winning actress Natalie Portman Natalie I hear you're having a baby I am Barbara we're thinking of naming the baby oscar but it's that that's silly because that's my cat's name so hey y'all it's Molly Cyrus what's up what Dad no I'm not gonna clean my room right now want me to clean out your bank account you do jokes I do learn questions I got it I could do jokes I'm sure you could could you do an impression yes yes I could do an impression go ahead do it what do it all right I will do an impression yeah and then you tell me who I'm doing okay all right let me think Kim Kardashian you are tweeting without thinking Donald Trump [Applause] animals it's a crap shoot crap shoot come on all right now listen I have an impression okay I am not a professional that's fine all right tell me who this is ready yeah who's this I did not have sexual relations with that woman in John [Applause] world do you live in Rebecca where some 17 year old dude Ashanti's house party like Pinot oh great yeah got that grease yeah [Applause] has never happened right you don't know a 17 year old that owns a corkscrew there's a little time in your entire life can you tell me a time where you've seen a 17 year old dude be like this Merlot pairs so well with the Doritos Locos Taco it's just something about zinfandels in a Hot Pocket that is to die for I worked at this grocery store for a lot of hateful years why is it when you hate your job they won't fire you and now look I worked in the worst department at the grocery store not the meat not produce not the freeze I worked in the steel Department you familiar with the steel Department right self-checkout Lane I got paid to watch people steal all day people think you stupid like you know when they're gonna rob you when they're bringing up their stuff they always got to look back up at you they right this one dude tried to humiliate me like I knew he was gonna Rob us because I'm looking at him he's looking at me I'm like just steal it he tries to play me in front of the entire store while he's ringing this stuff up he makes the beat noise with his mouth go all in Ray and raise like [Music] I like the produce is not even supposed to make a sound advice to come in America's Got Talent Champions it was like all my dreams came true at once I thought he was going to be a singer so I decided to do some research on the judges or the backstage there are five hairdressers free makeup artists a wardrobe Department and a whole team of nutritionists and that's just to maintain Simon's new look [Applause] my mom told me that you're a Victoria's Secret supermodel only one of your videos but then Dad came home from work and we watched all your videos again [Applause] I got a motorcycle I don't like telling people I have a motorcycle because every time I tell someone they always got to tell me a story about how the friends crashed on a motorcycle you know like why do people have to be so negative I don't go over the pregnant women telling them my dad left you know what I'm saying so annoying so annoying I walked at my apartment one time right I walked in my apartment and my neighbor walked up to me she was like oh my God you got a motorcycle are you stars are you sorry you better be careful I got in a car wreck the other day my car flipped eight times I'm looking to be alive blessed right yeah she black by the way you know that was Carl flip eight times you're alive you are blessed you know and I'm I'm over here thinking who the heck counted right like the cars flip one like who's doing it my name is Bridget thank you so much I appreciate it was kind of Clueless you know but it seems to me kids today are a little bit entitled am I right right okay so my daughter turned 16 and she says mom I want to go to Coachella and I want you to get me a hotel room oh I know I'm like you're 16. listen to yourself a hotel room I mean if you can't find a guy who can afford a van by now hahaha when I grew up my mom and her friends they partied 24 7. you know they always always brought Flats on field trips okay right so I go on my daughter's first field trip I take my flask right Howie right I'm not gonna get on a bus full of first graders sober not not ever okay it's taking my flask you know I have a little sip and all the other field trip moms they just go ballistic they're like she's got a flash she's got a flash you know like I'm some kind of terrorist right I'm like calm down I'm not driving this bus I can teach you how to do Ryan Reynolds But first you have to do Jim Carrey's voice in order to do Jim Carrey just imagine yourself as a giant Canadian bird okay hi there judges uh I have some voices for you [Laughter] take that Canadian bird down to a sexy whisper and you have Ryan Reynolds hi there I have some voices for you judges I hope you enjoyed it that did sound like Ryan Reynolds okay here's how to do Seth Rogen's voice yeah take Santa Claus's laugh now imagine Santa Claus eats a different kind of cookie [Laughter] [Applause] this is a crazy job I just slide down chimneys and I deliver packages to kids and eat their cookies now you can do that I have a twin sister and I actually don't talk a lot about being a twin because people ask really stupid twin questions like whenever I say I'm an identical twin without fail someone will go do you guys look alike we are very different personality wise men silly and playful my sister's very dark and sarcastic and she has low self-esteem which is weird because she has my face it's like when someone that looks exactly like you calls you up and goes I feel so ugly [Applause] I'm not from California but I look like I am just another wobbly guy in the sidewalker I made eight bucks walking over here thank you hey can you guys see this bracelet yeah good that's making sure yeah everybody always thinks that this is one of those copper magnetic healing bracelets like hey does that thing work I'm like oh yeah man I was in a wheelchair last week yeah I'm gonna put it on this arm next week I better take it off soon though you know I don't want to get too better I have to figure out how to how I'm singing but twist or whatever let's just say we're not getting a puppet on that thing [Applause] it's got the citizenship yeah until I got my citizenship I never had a road rage if somebody cut me off I'd be like oh so sorry I was driving too slow but today I got the citizenship somebody cut me off I'm like what the heck you can't cut me off this is my land that's when I realized I become true American hilarious because I felt entitled [Applause] before the citizenship somebody hold the door for me I ran really fast I'm like thank you so much after the citizenship I'm like you hold the door you peasant I got sassy very hard on me growing up he used to call me a huge waste [Laughter] you see both of my parents wanted me to become a lawyer never even came close to becoming a lawyer but I was once involved in a suit but I've since traveled the world went to Spain fell madly in love with a Spanish sundress and we broke up and I was pantalones married now oh my wife and I are Polly it's polyester our daughter Capri brought home a pair of sweatpants but father but I want to see her date someone iron with a crease this guy looked like he'd been donated she asked if he could spend the night I said in my house she'll sleep in separate drawers and when you go to a nursing home and you look like me yeah they wouldn't let me out the only reason I'm here tonight is I had to get a night pass from the front desk the first thing I found out when I got old is that young people hate old people is that right did you ever drive behind an old person does this look familiar yes the worst thing I'm experiencing now at 80 is that my hearing has gotten awful I'm talking to this woman the other day and she tells me she has a peanut allergy right I misheard the word [Applause] I said what happens she said I start choking and gagging applied to work at the cocoa Foundation when I was in college and they rejected me because I have hearing loss [Applause] they told me they told me I was a liability issue because if the gorilla were to sneak up on me I would not be able to hear it which I can't say with any degree of certainty but probably that seems true um so you guys seem like a nice crowd full of hearing people so I'm just gonna toss question out of the room what are y'all going to do different if a gorilla sneaks up on you [Applause] and there's a lot of fit DM me after the show I'm just desperate to know what home field advantage y'all have with your two second Head Start ridiculous nothing nothing the only thing you're going to do different than me is die scared that's it um true story when I was 10 years old my parents sent me to Tourette's camp yeah that's where the joke should end it's a real place and I didn't realize it till this moment but I found out that when other people twitch it makes me Twitch more the first day they put us in a circle with a hundred kids the kid next to me did a shoulder roll and my Tourette's saw that and took that as a challenge I threw him a head flop foreign the girl next to him did a full body twitch and everybody saw that and all hell broke loose some of my charts I can't explain why they're true I just know from experience this is what's gonna happen here's the locker room at my gym I am the blue dot I walk in I start to get changed the minute I get all my clothes off 12 guys walk in and this is so true it defies statistics sometimes a statistics sounds scary but it's not when you look at it from a different angle when I first got married 44 of marriages end in divorce that's a scary number think about that 45 my wife and I are like do we stand a chance think of the other side if 44 of marriages end in divorce you know what that means 56 of marriages end in death let's go death to us part those are the two ways that marriage is in folks if you're married enjoy it now it does not end well give it up for my dad Gerald Kelly is a convenient I love that dude but he's a loser why oh my God I'm seven years old and we have the same job the other day he was like a hunter are you going to work tonight you going I'm going we have the same job my roommate's actually white and he's like uh this is racist not all white people are serial killers I'm like wow like all serial killers are white here buddy we're on season 14. come on come on it's a clean sweep let's go and I feel bad because white people are actually the only people in the world that can be serial killers there's no other ethnicity in the world that can get away with eight unsolved murders in a row you know what I'm saying like you don't think black people want to be serial killers of course they do they cannot could you imagine a black sealer killer he would get pulled over on the way to getting supplies hahaha yeah he's never done anything yet come on Indians Asians Hispanics we can't be serial killers our families way too nosy my mom's an old Indian lady she's a snitch my mother just show up man it's a rope but happened to the duct tape that is the bleach I'm calling the cops I'm like come on Mom you raised me don't do this I'm your son come on I'm 34. I don't look 34. I don't look any age I just look like I've been through stuff [Laughter] 34 is a difficult age because it's not old but it's old enough that the world's changed like I'm old enough to remember time was you saw a fella with a neck tattoo well then you thought oh I'm about to see a dead body now you see a fellow with a neck tattoo all you think is oh this latte is going to be amazing and you got to do things to stay young I do things to stay young I I recently borrowed money from my parents for those who've never borrowed money from your parents the crew will know this the celebrities will not you have to gather your parents together and go hello Mother Father you know how you're supposed to teach me responsibility well you failed and that comes with a hefty fine I just got broken up with it was an open relationship means you can be with anybody you want I didn't know this apparently the girl can also do that read the fine prints and my girl got the first person I made the mistake of asking her this guy's name she told me you ever hear somebody's name and then know immediately that this person is a better lover than you I was like what's his name she's like Alejandro I'm like no no no you you couldn't be with uh Eugene you know or or assignment you couldn't do assignment you couldn't do assignments [Applause] listen listen if you're not laughing right now if you're not laughing right now your name is Eugene all right every Eugene here is like actually I've heard they're pretty vigorous okay yeah so I met this guy and it was relief because his name was Alejandro but his voice was Eugene he's like hey man how's it going I'm like much better now does my son touch my finger I knew I would die for him I don't even know this dude but I would die for my son the first time I see him the first time I touch him I would die for my son isn't that crazy we do that fellas that's right because we wouldn't do that for our wives what oh I'm feeling the heat from the river hey hang on hang on let me explain ladies hey God hey God look ladies the first time we see her tattoo is usually on the first date no dude in this world is dying for you on the first date now let me make you feel better about the situation if you're on a first date and a dude looks at you and goes I would die for you you better run cause that dude was about to kill you but I would die for my wife now 100 it took a couple years but we got there that's right if a car jumped the curb and was headed her way I would push out away and take the hip myself that's how much I love her because we've all dated people we wouldn't die for right that same car jumps the curb you're like I guess it was daytime I guess it was daytime the Lord Works a mysterious ways I'm the type of guy ladies that will offer you my jacket if it's cold outside I will offer you my jacket but I'm not the type of guy that uh Once you turn that down then you get cold later foreign you obviously make bad decisions and uh we shouldn't both suffer for that I just found out that I might need glasses uh for reading so I had to make the hard decision you know to stop reading this shapes down I'm pretty good I got Silhouettes made out I started rooting against the the kids in scary movies Friday the 13th Halloween teenagers do something stupid or rebellious but you still want them to make it you want them to live you like running a bar and he's coming running now I'm like your mom and dad told you not to leave the house

Channel: Talent Recap

Views: 2,905,383

Keywords: agt, america's got talent, simon cowell, golden buzzer, group golden buzzer, america's got talent 2023, agt 2023, sacred riana, kodi lee, agt auditions, american idol 2023, american idol, got talent, darci lynne, angelica hale, india, philippines, katy perry, tv talent, auditions, bgt, britain's got talent, bgt 2023, sofia vergara, agt 2023 auditions, Simon golden buzzer, Alfie Andrews, Roland Abante, Brynn Cummings, putri ariani, agt golden buzzer, viggo venn, best acts

Id: zQmzdcC_vDg

Length: 92min 50sec (5570 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 17 2023