WKRP in Cincinnati S04E12 Pills

[Music] and it does feel all right babies because we're going out with ray charles and a big one from 1958. now the doctor is going to have to pull the plug on your life support system until tomorrow morning but coming up next sitting in for the uh ever absent rex earhart here's some guy on tape from los angeles thanks johnny it's another terrific wednesday here in cincinnati here's number one on the wkrp heavy hits countdown where did they get this guy anyway it's only for a week well i guess i can take it for that long [Music] maybe not where's rex off to now tennis tournament is it time for the debbie boone invitational already [Music] hey big bailey you're being her hey big john how's the guy let's talk about this hermetically sealed dj oh yeah two hours of show all on tape didn't cost us a dime well you'd never know it fine don't worry about it you're certainly never gonna be replaced by a syndicated show you are el numero one now haven't i always said that every time you want something yeah what do you want her just the use of that oh so persuasive voice of yours for just three little 60-second spots ah forget it pal i'm out of here the guy asked for you john i'm sorry herb you just tell them the doctor is not for sale almost forgot there's a talent fee 35 a spot sold you weren't going to tell me about the fee part of it were you sure i was you think i'd cheat you anyway he's waiting for you hey come on in here verb dave wickerman i want you to meet the incredible dr johnny fever hey this is really a pleasure i am a fan great i'm not kidding i have been listening to you for four years really you are one of the greats wow so far really sensational i don't know that i don't know guys really i really hate like i hate like heck to dive in here but don't we have some spots to do huh oh you're probably right we can talk more about this later he's a wild girl oh yes uh why don't we uh just do it in here in here we'll do two mics dave so you take that one you take this one and hold it on this one john will be on this one yeah and i'll operate the tape quarter he'll operate the tape recorder oh it's really pretty good yeah okay all right let me wait let me fix this for you that's all right just stoop down there okay uh all right ready okay go okay wickerman spot one take one fat what a bummer the only things worse are dieting and boring exercises well now there's another way and here's dave wickerman to tell us about it thanks johnny now you can cut your exercise program in half just supplement it with wickerman's weight loss energy capsules you know dave the real downer about dieting is the way it makes me all cranky and out of sorts bad trip not anymore john when your mood is black these little beauties will keep you going and on those late nights before finals when you're really feeling down and out and you need something to uh listen it's really uh exceptional copy here i mean the uh message comes through loud and clear great great is it that's a pro talking dave and the pro isn't gonna do these spots i'm sorry what you know her your friend here is rather reptilian what yeah but if you put him on the air you are definitely a snake john john let's talk [Laughter] baby if you've ever wondered i've wondered whatever became of me i'm living on the air in cincinnati in cincinnati wkrp got kind of padded [Music] once in a while i'm at wkrp and cincinnati what i'm trying to say is i didn't know that bouncing had any exercise value at all latinos sitting there eating a doughnut i'm sorry where do they go anyway travis watch out sir the donuts right those suckers they go straight from my belt line when you eat them apparently they turn into hair uh oh busy executives at work don't mind me jennifer yes haven't you forgotten something why of course silly me mr carlson have you lost some weight you bet three pounds goodness i would have said at least 20. oh no no make that 30. you know you should really stop dieting and you look positively emaciated thank you jennifer that'll be all on the other hand you could lose a couple of pounds you too thanks big gun big big big big guy fever went nuts and attacked one of my clients what what are you talking about dave workerman of wickerman's weight loss studio i'm the nicest guy to ever walk this earth and he called him a snake right to his face doesn't sound like johnny then he called me one too oh that does sound like john i swear if dave wasn't such a nice guy he'd have canceled right there on the spot but fortunately i just kind of jumped in there and turned on the old charm and saved the account no thanks to fever well i'll talk to johnny did you gain some weight big guy take a look at the copy what are you selling uh diet aids well they're not regular diet aids i mean uh when your mood is black these little beauties will keep you going so so you think maybe the guy is trying to sell speed oh come on john look not only that i point out he's trying to sell it to kids down here on those late nights before finals now what does taking a final exam have to do with losing weight look this is nuts the guy cannot be selling speed over the counter well i am saying that he is actually you're both right oh great a drug expert black beauties yellow jackets mini white crosses rainbows reds whites ups downs wester what you have here are probably look-alikes or uh turkeys as we say on the street right they're counterfeits of the actual amphetamines they contain abnormally high concentrations of caffeine or other substances that are not federally controlled but if you take enough of them you go speeding as frank zappo once said how do you know so much if either of you paid any attention at all to my noon reports you'd know i did an in-depth study on them weeks ago well these look-alikes have surfaced in a number of major cities but there's nothing anyone can do about them because they aren't the real drugs well if that's the case then what is the harm so naive you telling john well uh kids think they're harmless because they're not real so they start gobbling them by the handful right okay i'll go have a confusing conversation with carlson about this i'll take care of it over here les uh i know about mary jane too so watch your step marry jane whoo gone to lunch have you seen herb freeze andy i've been looking all over for you come on let's do the lunch thing what do you feel like having a word with you now what have i done herb i'm not sure but let's find out together shall we okay fine yeah you me and mr carlson are gonna pay a little visit to your good friend mr wickham you want to lose some weight maybe maybe 160 pounds of polyester [Music] great [Music] anybody here well look as advertised on wkrp hey hey dave hey see you brought some of your buddies by huh yeah this is oh hey looks like you got here just in the nick of time hey we'll get you back in shape in no time listen listen i'm glad you came by because i got some new copy you'll save me a trip just get any of the other jocks at the station to record these guys well the truth of the matter is sir that we're not going to be running those spots after all i'm sorry i don't think we've met hi uh i'm in the travis program director donald jrp this is uh uh arthur carlson he's the uh station manager thank you so much wow all the brats huh so tell me what's this about not running the spots well a funny thing would you believe where i sold out wkrp i think what mr carlson means is we've had a little change in the scheduling situation so we just like to give you this check back and call it even oh listen i don't want to cause any trouble but i i tell you i need to run those spots you do yeah listen you have no idea how tough it's been just trying to get a station to sell me some time well the fact is that herb made a mistake in selling you that time so herb you give him the check uh would somebody please tell me what's going on here surely big guy look we we just don't want you on our station i mean you're selling this stuff to kids now hold on a second first of all there is nothing wrong with my energy capsules well that's not what we heard second of all i don't sell anything to minors or children without the express consent of their parents what's that a uh note from mommy is it you check all the signatures out do you i operate within the law and i expect you to do the same what does he mean by that um what do you mean by that what i mean is that i have a contract in my office on my desk with your signature on it and yours that says i get 18 spots a week for two weeks and i want those spots i'm sorry mr wickerman but we just can't do it oh come on guys come on don't make me call my lawyer i don't want to have to be the bad guy huh hey listen why don't you just relax and take these and have a good time huh you go ahead and call your lawyer beth lee bailey if you like we have an attorney too there's not a court in this land that'd make us run your lousy commercials behind the eight ball up the creek between a rock and a hard place hanging by a thread with a snowball's chance in hell how do you mean it you let this thing get to court you could be left twisting in the wind but you look you've got to be joking lawyers never joke about the law okay look i'm sorry mr bartman but that's not right we're not talking about right we're talking about the law now look you've made a contractual agreement with this man he's done nothing to violate that contract how can a judge tell me who i have for a client look you do spots for aspirin right do we i am so you have no policy against advertising over-the-counter drugs well so what so what do you think the man is selling wall-to-wall carpeting look the aspirin's healthy wickerman calls his junk stimulus but it's all legal and you're discriminating against them you're darn right we are frank i mean that guy doesn't even take his own pills heck he weighs more than i do for crying out loud i'm not your conscience arthur i'm your lawyer my advice is run the spots for a couple of weeks when his contract's up it's all over no i say we cancel him now and we take our chances in court me too but you don't pay my retainer you know your mother does so i'm gonna be reporting to her you will uh-huh now your mother doesn't go to court you know it's far too expensive and it's messy so if it's your intention to ignore my advice i'm gonna tell on you so he sues man so what why are you so excited about this because a guy's selling speed man i thought speed was gone we got to fight this guy look we can't afford to go to court she'll forget about it andy real speed is gone because it killed everybody junkies don't even want it back once the republicans got in everybody just switched to downers now look you guys we're just gonna have to ride this thing out what great when is herb going after a concealable handgun account here are the disclaimers now i want these read before every wickerman's spot this station does not endorse or recommend the use of the following product wow really hard-hitting stuff lawyer wrote it yeah well he left out all the uh whereases and their fours just do the best you can with it all right this is the worst man i can't believe they could force us to what is it what you got that look in your eye i can see it behind those shades what look is that that vigilante justice look [Applause] whereas it is strictly the opinion of this announcer and therefore by no means a provable fact the sponsor you're about to hear from is to wit a real scum bucket trying to lose weight all that boring exercise that you speed nowhere is gone forever they have been doing that for the last two hours so far the man has been called a scum bucket nerd freak gutter snipe and uh oh what was that oh yeah oh what's a wahoo i think it's an insurance company scum bucket oh yes sir has wickerman called in here yet not yet all right ladies let me tell you what i think we ought to do jennifer would you please call my lawyer yes sir bailey would you mind bringing me the heads of johnny fever and venus flytrap on the pilot yes sir where's travis downstairs donut chop oh call down tell them ever to come in here again and have uh less beaten up but for no particular reason no i'll handle that what about her herb is mine thank you ladies gee it's a pleasure doing business with women now i know i didn't go to one of those big ivy league law schools and uh i didn't graduate at the top of my class but i do know that scum buckets is slanderous and definitely actionable which means well i think the legal term for it would be your keister's in a sling oh boy i got admitted first i was a little ticked off but uh those spots they're working like a charm they're the talk of the town and they love gosh doggit what johnny and venus's nut bar spots are working of course they are how many times have i told you the more tasteless commercials are the better they work i got to talk to carlson about this this might not be so easy to ride out thanks andy andy should see this so should mr carlson no then so should i i want to show it to someone in authority right where did you get this it was a news tip now give it back no and you're not going to show it to mr carlson or andy either and i mean it les this is herbert oh hi andy how's the guy what are you doing oh nothing much what are you doing welcome to carlson why are you in here in here yeah uh just making a quick tape that's all not nothing much tape for what put on the air no no heard let me let me explain to you how this works you see you sell the spots in the djs they go on the air no but i have got to do this andy i have got to do the right thing i mean you're always doing the right thing and mr carlson's always doing the right thing and i'm tired of being the only person around here without a shred of human decency i mean it bugs me what in the hell are you talking about herb yes [Applause] oh good lord is this true do it really yeah right now uh you want to help me record it no we don't record it here you go right in there and we do it live oh no no no no i couldn't do that you see because i'm the guy who always always screws up remember you're the guy that wants to do right remember now come on all right out of the way guys herbert's going on the air you know it's funny you work here long enough you start hallucinating get out curb's going on the air yeah does this mean we're gonna have to go out and sell something [Music] and now a surprise editorial by herbert artolick sales manager this is herbert r tarly i already said that [Music] a couple of days ago i sold some commercials to uh wickerman's weight loss studio they were advertising these energy capsules and that were supposed to be legal and harmless well today a 15 year old kid keeled over in his gym class and his coach found these pills in his locker i guess what i'm trying to say is that i well i shouldn't have sold these spots to mr wickerman and i'm going to tear up his contract i mean he says he's going to sue us i hope he doesn't but i just wanted to say i'm sorry that we advertised this stuff and well we're not going to do it anymore i i want it known that i that i still believe in the free enterprise system and i believe in the right of anybody to advertise their product so long as it doesn't make kids faint so well if you have a product that you'd like to advertise [Applause] my name is herb charlie can the phone number is five thank you herbert now we continue with our regular programming you know done good here i wasn't through yet yo sure you were sure you you did the right thing herb yes i guess i did didn't i even if you picked my show to do it again sorry about that just uh [Music] congratulations congratulations [Music] herb come here thanks in cincinnati will be back after this [Applause] hey man guess what drove by wickerman's on the way in a lot of picket shines twice as many as yesterday now here's the best part there's a sign in the window that says going out of business really yeah i heard about that i had herb check it out the guy's landlord is throwing him out outstanding so we won no he's moving to the other side of town all perfectly legal why mr carlson have you lost some more weight as a matter of fact i've gained four pounds and i feel great how about you i have one of those headaches i get whenever we get too much mail oh listen if anybody wants me i'll be down the donut shop [Music] [Applause] uh [Music] is

Channel: Radio181

Views: 16,962

Rating: 4.9377432 out of 5

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Id: bwjEINNehMg

Length: 24min 5sec (1445 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 26 2021