Why The #1 Fact Of Military History Is A Lie - Hilarious Helmet History #2

the number-one fact in all of military history a canary [Music] welcome to hilarious helmet history the show where today's cultural historical misconceptions are even sillier than my helmet and yes I know I'm not wearing a helmet it's a hat I know I know this episode is about history's most famous military tips never invade Russia in winter made famous by those two land grabbers and only one of those guys is associated with headgear that doesn't make a guy look like a big penis so c'est la vie Napoleon and Hitler invaded Russia because we wanted to catch em all and by um I mean country Oh God they both conquered or scared most of you're up by 1812 and 1941 respectively in both those years Britain had too many boats to be invaded so Adolf and the napster both settled for attacking Earth's meat locker and they failed Hart Napoleon's failure was so epic humanity invented infographics just to capture it and you were told this Meredith the greatest general of modern times and a Nazi cosplaying Adam both ruined themselves by forgetting that Russia gets cold but here's the truth historically you're not stupid if you invade Russia in the winter you're only stupid if you invade Russia without good planning without a way through mud and without checking the political climate it's even booked to say Napoleon and Hitler invaded Russia in winter man they started their attacks in late June and the attacks failed because of bad planning in Napoleon's case he got rope-a-dope he planned to beat Russia by winning battle after battle and he also plan to feed his troops by letting them take food from the locals as they moved from place to place but Russia used a Fabian strategy against Napoleon it's named after this ancient roman it's a strategy where you retreat forever and destroy your own resources to wear out a stronger enemy you avoid actually fighting them as long as possible and Napoleon fell for that over and over again even though it's the oldest trick in the whatever-whatever year I've had before books as Scrolls erotic statues I don't read by the time the Polian got a chance to battle the Russians you chase them 500 miles into their tear with his troops starving the whole way and then Napoleon botched the battle he lost way too many troops way too far from home and he let the Russians keep retreating and retreating when Napoleon planned to go even further from home and seize Moscow the Russians burned it to the ground before he got there and then they swore to keep fighting which lasts Napoleon homeless in the heart of Russia without the right horseshoes to get his horse-based army back to frame and the story of Napoleon's defeat usually focuses on his wintry how March home lotta white paint but the Russians put Napoleon's troops through hell marches from day one as Napoleon's own officers told him he lost half his troops to death servation and disease before the end of July after one month of summer campaigning because congratulations Napoleon you played yourself although I'd tag yourself playing it about a 1 on the mean scale it's fine Hitler's stupidity maxes of scale out because Hitler made peace with Russia two years earlier so he didn't really have to invade them Hitler also planned to beat Russia superfast somehow so he decided the German army could march into Russia without coats warm boots or snow tires they weren't ready to visit Minnesota much less beat Stalin in an away game Hitler also kept changing his invasion plan impulsively getting troops killed who didn't need to be killed and prolonging the campaign by month and despite the advantages of another 120 years of technology Hitler had just as much trouble with Russia's mud season as Napoleon did yeah Russia has a mud season fun place you don't know about it because you've never tried to conquer Europe or watch the Russian Weather Channel but up with Itza happens in Russia twice a year in spring and off it turns Russia's roads into muck and Russia's land into impassable gunk that's why both Napoleon and Hitler invaded Russia in June June is between about potica but both megalomaniacs were dumb enough to still be rushing around in the autumn mud they all die and Napoleon was just kind of stuck you know that is highest tech with wagons and horses he still shouldn't have made that mistake but once you make that mistake Alex whereas Hitler lived in the era of light quick treaded vehicles those do well in mud those don't wear out and once you run out of gas those make in vain during wrathful deeds kind of sort of possible and Hitler didn't send those to Russia he sent jeeps and super-heavy tanks and stuff his advance on Moscow got stuck and Germany didn't roll out a vehicle built for Russian mud till after their invasion failed you could not have played yourself harder Hitler you lost because he constantly shot yourself in the jackbooted foot not because of winter and hey Hitler here's some more to suck on you and Napoleon are just about the only total failures when it comes to invading Russia tons of leaders conquered Russia the conquering season is year route and they succeeded by invading when Russia wasn't politically united like I said Napoleon attacked a Russia willing to literally light itself on fire Hitler attacked a psychotically motherland loving Soviet Union the commies may last stand after last stand most famously at Stalingrad with zero fear of casualties but world war ones Germans knocked out Russia easily by attacking right after the Russian Revolution 1918 Russia was such a mess it disbanded its army in the middle of getting invaded the king of Poland invaded Russia in 1610 and his small army conquered Moscow and a bunch of other cities because Russians were fighting over whether their king was actually a team of Catholic imposters called the false dimitris looking up it's amazing history rules the Mongols conquered Russia in the 1230 they had an easy time of it because Russia's princes were civil war and the Mongols conquered Russia in winter despite being 700 years behind Hitler in Koch tech because Russia's as in Veda Balazs any other large place you just have to be smart enough smart okay smart enough to okay I got a I need to stop I need to I need to this hat is very heavy can I can I get the helmet after all like the the German like the penis helmet can I just get the penis helmet sure good ending here see what do I show you is the thesis keep give me the Peanuts helmet what was that give me the penis helmet one more time gives me the Peanuts helmet what were that give me oh I see what's going on hey thank you for watching do the YouTube things in the comments let us know why is this hat like what why what could be this is the least weird French hat I could find from a gene either there's the least weak it's not even like this almost fell off when I got coffee how did you ride a horse with

Channel: Cracked

Views: 1,541,314

Rating: 4.7541246 out of 5

Keywords: Adolf Hitler, Napoleon, Napoleon Bonaparte, russia, winter, europe, cracked, cracked.com, history, world history, funny, military generals, sketch, comedy, spoof, humor, satire, world war 2, fabian strategy

Id: XZIDMNWt0Pg

Length: 6min 57sec (417 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 29 2017