Why Pirate games keep failing... feat. @BlueJayYT

pirate games used to be awesome but they're not anymore oh my God shut up there's a loading screen for Cannon can't even run properly you stupid kill them all there's nobody here oh they added monkeys it seems so simple I just get a boat put in water drink lots and lots and lots of alcohol soj plus ju thank me later and boom you've got a pirate game so where are they why did the few that actually released fail miserably and why do these old ones still hold up so well sidm Pirates may not have the prettiest Graphics I happen to think they're fine and at a glance it seems like every town is the exact ignore the mayor get ripped off by the merchant repair your boats with the ship right try talking to woman at the tavern get scared and avoid talking to woman at the tavern drink your insecurities away at the tavern but wait the ship right at this pirate Haven can upgrade my boat to fire grape shot but only this Dutch guy can improve my sales do you smell that boys and girls I haven't showered in days but beyond that it's the smell of Adventure baby every Tavern Whispers its own unique secrets and to get the most upgrades gold and sore you got to gather info and take note of all the different rumors across the entire ocean I wanted to be a pirate so bad when I was a kid and I achieved my dream I ain't never paying for win ra your suckers woo but Pirates this game gave me that Adventure I was missing visually the towns might not be very distinct but every single town is unique in the only way that actually matters the way that affects your gameplay my ability to effectively fight other ships was a direct result of how well I explored and kept track of the different towns the factions their relationships to one another and most importantly how to exploit them each town is not just some box to check off on your list of places to go now within the first 2 hours I started keeping track of of trade routes taking note of which ships carried the most loot I started to manipulate my relationships with the different countries to increase my earnings I wanted to take some of these Dutch ships down because the king looks funny but if I do that they'll put a bounty on my head and I won't be able to take advantage of the high spice price in Kura what the Spanish and the French are at War H yeah sure bro I'll escort the new Spanish governor no problem no problem and collect promotion collect money marry the French governor's daughter I have an genius tell me that is not exactly how a pirate would look at towns has nothing but tools to be used for getting what they want the game play tricked me it tricked me into thinking and playing like a pirate it's so awesome you guys have to Play It Again the graphics may not show that you're visiting unique locations but the sense of exploration and Discovery was very real Ubisoft you you might know them as the guys who make nothing good ever looked at that exploration and spat on it pissed on it even uh Ubisoft oh you must be talking about me Skull and Bones the best pirate game of all time the world's first quadruple a game a game so good it's worth $70 maybe even 80 for the complete edition it's the most complete and realized facilitation anyways FL flag has been the definitive go-to single player Pirate game for a decade now I'm half Mass just thinking about those Fort raids and for the first couple hours after replaying it after I got my boat the experience was Untouchable I would fight ships dig up treasure climb cool ass towers and then fight fight more ships and dig up treasure and climb climb cool ass towers and get this I would hop back on my boat to fight more ships and dig up more treasure hey wait a minute listen all right every single Island and black flag is visually distinct and appealing but functions 100% identically in terms of gameplay none of these locations are unique and it's filled with the same four side quest copy pasted more times than my goddamn bird PNG in these videos they're even all marked on the map how am I supposed to get excited to sell around the Caribbean as a Brave Pirate Adventurer if before I even get on my boat I already know exactly what I'll find and where I'll find it down to the millimeter I've had trips to King Supers with more exploration than that or Publix whatever food store and another thing oh oh oh that sound oh yeah on a scale of like 1 to 10 how down are you to like quit our jobs and go to the Caribbean and sing like sea shanties on a boat for the rest of our lives um he's totally in we are totally going to the Caribbean but what about all the unskippable cutcenes yeah what about him roll Boys Roll Boys Roll trailing missions as Creed's droning chimpanzee brain logic bastardizing ass story you know what I have to say to all of that leave her joh her joh leave her I can't even be bothered to complain about them because the Vibes that is the one thing you cannot take away from Black Flag sailing the Jack doll on a foggy night listening to the waves crashed against the bow of your boat the grimy thrown together buildings like when Edward kills a guy in this game he sends him to Satan's BDSM dungeon like oh my God you know the animations might be a little bit dated but they are nonetheless brutal and ruthless and sickening bones Crunch and blood squelches as Edward minces those European people into bite-sized chicken nuggets this is how I expect the pirate to fight sorry one [Music] secs this one time I was fighting a guy in the second I started losing the sword battle I said man screw this guy and I shot him in the head that's the PS the gaban thing oh my God Black Flag is not a perfect game by any stretch of the imagination but it nailed that pirate brutality and ruthlessness better than any game out there and that is why it's still remembered so fondly today see if thieves came in a few years later and although they removed the violence and boobies they preserve that essential Rough Around the Edges rag tag crew kind of vibe perfectly plus there's liquor my sweet nectar oh my now if only I wasn't such a terrible cook I could actually make something to go with it ladies and gentlemen introducing Factor 75 the sponsor of this video and the solution to cooking Inc competence oh sh Factor 75 is the convenient way to eat these days boys there's no planning minimal prepping and no mess I am the only dumbass American where I live so I get many many weird stares from my roommates when I make food but with this I can save myself the guesswork and just get to eating with over 34 meal options and 36 side options like smoothies and desserts every week you're never going to get board to run out of meals to try uh help help oh my God meals arrive pre-prepared and ready to eat in 2 minutes or less and if you do the math I'm pretty sure that's faster than ordering out Vector is perfect for getting consistent nutritious meals at the drop of a hat so you can get back to more important matters like gaming grab a quick Chef prepared meal in Just 2 minutes or less with zero mess and zero cleanup I am never cooking again get 50% off your first Factor box and free wellness shots for Life using my link that means you get to choose two free wellness shots from the three available flavors for pre-order while you are an active subscriber click the link in the description or scan the QR code with your phone now back to CF thieves guys look at this treasure map I found finding treasure is actually fun in this game because of your dumbass teammates with you no I'm so F there's this genuine Gess walking around these islands getting closer and closer to the treasure and the compass starts going crazy what's it going to be what's it going to be oh hey I can't breathe down here idiot but most importantly there's PVP Black Flag had some sick combat okay they perfectly balanced that calm chill Max commute with instigating global warming and bleaching the ocean red for generations to come the rhythm of every fight is intoxicating as you Ricochet back and forth between guns creating a damn Symphony Of Carnage I also find provolone to be intoxicating there's always another gun to shoot or turn to be made while waiting for the other ones to reload and that's not even the part you look forward to the most now that's the wait you can get up here my issue is that there is very very little strategy required to beat this game every single fight comes down to shooting your weapons the second they come off cool down and having upgrades and that's not a bad thing it's actually really fun hell that's what gives it the Rhythm I was talking about it just sometimes gets a little repetitive pirates on the other hand was limited by the technology of 1987 Jesus Christ and the combat was more about strategizing than mechanical skill got to balance the different types of ammo while minimizing damage to the cargo maybe I want to steal the boat and the crew so I don't want to hurt it at all you had to predict the other ship's movement to avoid their broadside Dodge cannibals stay within range Retreat sometimes to try to sneak in for that sweet sweet boarding attack not a coincidence that this is the best part of every Pirate game I'm just saying starting an attack from the wrong angle or with the wrong ship equipped can and will result in your defeat however it looks really lame versus again the combat in Black Flag which is really really fun and satisfying at the expense of literally any semblance of difficulty uh if it's difficulty you want then look no further folks back in the cage skulling bones get back in there okay I'll go see if thieves came along and made things simple simple simple simple I been playing sea of Thieves on and off since the day it released and I've got the drip to prove it they've made a lot of improvements but exploration still does not hit right there is no reason to go anywhere until the game puts a giant Beacon or arrow on the map for you no one in the world has ever booted up sea of Thieves and said oh yeah let's let's go explore old Sala toll for for fun I'm just saying you know what if they each had their own unique NPC they like shared a riddle which led to some treasure on the island huh you know maybe if I explored I'd find some sails or a hat unique to that Island instead they're empty and boring they're boring and empty how many sunken ships are there in this game and you unlock the Ashen dragon ship set by selling books are you insane but that's not what I want to talk about with CF thieves oh we're being invaded we're being invaded here's where we all naively thought the skill selling for the PVP was when the game first came out and here's where it actually is oh my God it's like they combined the mechanical skill needed in Black Flag with the strategy required in Pirates hitting shots is just trying to eyeball it will almost never work and often leads to feelings of intense rage self-loathing and hatred for minorities or so I'm told you could fill out a college thesis on Geometry and inertia just by firing jig balls all day except there's no time because you're also managing six types of ammo dodging shots sniping enemies drinking dangerous amounts of alcohol and if you mess it up your ship will sink because Canon ear is the most important role hell monkeys can suck it am I right boys yeah no angle no angle turn us bro oh yeah cannoning means nothing if the helmet is jerking his YouTube plushy in the corner instead of focusing on getting an angle and avoiding broadsides and if they mess that up the ship sinks because Helm is the most important role and don't let those Cannon tell you otherwise yeah all that's well and good Mr Jay but uh does it have boarding yes perfect perfect I have peaked as a gamer what's up bro border is the most important role and I need you guys to spread this information like a wildfire so I can continue to justify leaving my ship every 3 seconds to fulfill the one thing that makes me happy in this universe no matter what you're doing at any one given time it feels like you're the most important player how many other multiplayer games can say that like well like three the combat looks deceptively simple and when you first start out it can feel like the other players are hacking with how effortlessly they sink your ship I mean I mean look at this what what how do you curve cannonballs death spiral and anti-death spiral talking oh my God this is a good game but with every Cannonball hit every successful boarding attempt and every screaming 10-year-old you steal a treasure chest from another layer is peeled back and slowly very slowly it all starts to come [Music] together [Music] this monkey Black Flag and Pirates had you doing several different things in a specific order see of Thieves is complex because it asks you to do all those things at the same time and with the recent addition of matchmaking warping the missions and server hopping the probability that every other ship in my Lobby both has Loot and wants to fight is like significantly higher than I remember you don't have to sacrifice 3 days of your time in a goat procession anymore like they Stripped Away all the pointless waiting and running around like a zombie and it's just it's just fun now just do me a favor read this right right here before playing all come on guys that was a fun battle right shut up Dad I wasn't talking to you God damn it shut the up stop talking to me you guys know that getting mad makes it funnier for the thieves right what are you doing later lat the fun part of SE of Thieves is searching discovering and protecting your loot not pressing f a bunch of times and watching a number go up when your fake imaginary pirate gold that doesn't buy anything useful gets stolen in a game called sea of Thieves don't get mad you are embarrassing yourself but if you're one of those people who syns new players at Outpost you are the devil screw you seef these is awesome and there is legitimately nothing else this satisfying on the market hey you know I'm actually pretty satisfying my shut up skull and bones ah ah jeez man I'm I'm sorry it's just that it's just that you know you're you're a disappointment and an embarrassment and everyone's going to forget about you in a month when CF the releases on PS5 uh so so so yeah just um you know just actually just just keep crying over there see if I care so what's the deal all you need is diverse and meaningful exploration the right aesthetic in Vibes and engaging in complex combat and boom great pirate game if these three games did it why won't anyone else what changed I pondered long and hard on this question spent countless nights theorizing racking my brain and crafting reasons as to why this may be the case all the while absolutely guzzling my strawberry Soju God it's so delicious until I realized what if it's not these three games did it good but no one else will maybe it's these three games did it good so no one else will think about it if a video game developer wants to come along and have a commercially and critically successful Pirate game they need to have better sea shanties boarding and Vibes than Black Flag better sailing mechanics and multiplayer than sea of Thieves better exploration and progression than Pirates and better combat than all of them that is not impossible and developers know this like you're not beating them at their own game and it'd be a waste of money to even try we already have the best story pirate games the best strategy Pirate game the best single player Pirate game and the best PVP Pirate game anything less than a AAA game has basically no chance of dethroning any of them what about a quadruple a game huh God shut up skull and bones the only way you're a quadruple a game is if every a stands for One Singular brain cell in your head play nice play fair and play safe a good pirate never takes another person's property do you even know what a pirate is like did you do you ever even look it up do you remember what the first thing you do in Black Flag is huh you murder a Man In Cold Blood steal his clothes money and identity before ruthlessly slaughtering some Spanish Sailors and not 1 hour later I am leading a prison break across the fleet of oh what is going on come on you bastards ah sorry guys sorry that's not safe enough for Skull and Bones you know we better turn those waves like all the way down disable the water spouts the rain shooting people stabbing them nah n n we can't have that no not in our Pirate game let's just remove non- ship combat all together like no exploration know the islands either you know someone might stub their toe the entire pirate life fantasy is completely non-existent people are drawn to anti-heroes like Jack Sparrow and basically every other character in parts of the Caribbean because it's liberating to watch them break the mold be slimy and and and and weird and still be heroic they represent true unobstructed freedom and the Pirate game genre is in a unique and perfect position to let people play as the anti-hero Skull and Bones threw it all out the window sure we can be Pirates but you know you first we got to get our way out of the Shipwreck okay then what make a contract with the officer okay whatever fetch quest for his loot okay GRE the pirate lord okay Harvest AAA wood make peace with the sea people okay this is the only type of Mission Combat has lost all of its flow in Pizzazz the Cannons feel like peashooters switching weapons is nauseating turning the ship is an unresponsive sleep paralysis nightmare nightmare nightmare nightmare why does my ship have stamina Ubisoft do you have any real humans working there or are you all just monkeys embrace yourself for this one okay they removed boarding if you made an exact list of everything I loved and everything I hated in Black Flag you would have an exact word for word list of everything they removed and everything they kept in skullet bones it looks just like a pirate game but make no mistake my friends it gives you all the freedom of a minimum wage pizza delivery driver drowning in student loans working nights to barely afford his rent Please Mr Scurlock can I please have a raise they spent the past decade making a game that feels like it came out 5 years before the original and and all of this all of this from the start the re you were made Skull and Bones was for the purpose of adding multiplayer and PVP into black flag and you want to know how that went folks you cannot attack other ships in this game PVP is limited to select missions and world events they spent 10 years making a PVP game with no PVP you want to know my favorite quote from Pirates of the Caribbean that's what a ship is you know it's not just a Keel and a hole and a deck and a sale that's what a ship needs but what a ship is what the Black Pearl really is is freedom you can have boats and cutlasses and cannons and sea shanties but if you can't nail this one crucial aspect you are not a pirate game the ability to trick people kill them steal make alliances when I see fit and betray them when it benefits Me Freedom this is present in every single good pirate game and is starkly absent from all of the posers none of that actually matters to because you can't get drunk so it's F tier anyways thank you guys so much for watching don't forget to like And subscribe and join the Discord I have one of those what are you guys doing thank you to Blue J for voicing some lines for me thank you $20 patreon zussy and rxo I'm redoing the patreon soon your support means the world to me thank you and thank you factor 75 for sponsoring the video see you

Channel: TheStellarJay

Views: 327,175

Keywords: TheStellarJay, The Stellar Jay, Stellar Jay, Gaming, Funny, Rage, Stellar, Jay, the stellar jay, stellar jay, sea of thieves, sea shanty, sea of thieves ps5, sea, of, thieves, ps5, skull and bones, review, skull and bones review, skull, and, bones, Pirates, pirate game, pirates of the caribbean, caribbean, stellar jay pirate, blue jay, blue jay stellar jay, history, bird youtuber

Id: HilEflm6p9k

Length: 17min 16sec (1036 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 13 2024