WHY MY DAD LEFT POLYGAMY: Answering Your Questions

What's up guys it's Leah here today I am  here with my dad Nathan and he is going to   be answering some questions that you guys have  had and some questions that I personally have,   so without further ado, let's get started! The first question I would have for you, and I  know a lot of people have for you is what led   you to discover polygamy? Were you sought out by  somebody? Did you come across it from searching,   because you weren't born into it so a lot of  people are and they find out about it that way,   but what led you to polygamy in the first place?  How did you find out about it? For me the main   principle wasn't polygamy but it was something  that came across on my travels polygamy was just   part of the package that package was Mormonism now  while many modern Mormons don't live polygamy it   was an essential part of their history and their  early leaders preached it as being essential to   be with your family for eternity and that was  the principle that was important to me I wanted   children I wanted to have the relationship I had  with your mother to carry on forever and the early   leaders said that's the only way for that to  happen was through polygamy now there were a   lot of other beliefs doctrines that attracted  me first I liked the idea of consecration the   idea of communities working together and there  not being any poor among them I loved those   sorts of things and some of the things about the  eternities answered some of the questions that I   had but as I said that was all wrapped up in the  idea of polygamy and that idea scared me you know   but it was a far-off prospect when I first came  across it it wasn't something that I thought was   going to happen immediately and and when it did  happen eventually the reality was much different what is the conversion process like for joining  polygamy I know a lot of people have asked if   it is similar to the LDS Church and so what  is that like do you have to go through the   same channels and speak with a bishop and attend  church and stuff like that it's similar in that   way it's similar in that you know a certain  amount of knowledge and morals are expected   and you say you're certainly quizzed on those  things I'm you're certainly given time to see   if the groups that you're part of that group  that's living polygamy and believing in these   doctrines that that's what you really want in  fact they tend to be a little wary of people   who are just looking for men like me you know  they although you know I can understand people   being suspicious you know when they think oh it  sounds great a man having whether a wife or or   there's those type of men but very often it's  it's a couple or a family that comes in and you   know they both up usually come from Mormon is  already meaning they come from the LDS Church   already and this means that they've already  accepted things like the Book of Mormon as   being a book of ancient scripture Joseph Smith is  being a prophet in certain concepts of priesthood   and revelation and so unlike the LDS Church where  you have missionaries you may just teach you for   maybe a couple of weeks the prosumers will  tend to take several months you'd meet with   somebody called the seventy it has a missionary  responsibility to ensure that you're serious you   know the commitment that you're making and that's  the responsibility - I ultimately held in the   group that I was part of as well and you know you  try and vet out people who have the wrong tensions once you gain a second wife what is that sealing  process like can you explain that sure I mean what   proceeds it is a courting process which involves  asking the young woman's father even before that   you have to be in good standing you speak to  the person who is considered the holder of   the keys the Prophet the leader of that group  who's meant to have special revelation in the   group that I was part of there's no arranged  relationships photos there's encouraged ones   but but you would you know you would seek that  council and they would give their approval you   would go to the Father and you know you try and  get to know you and your character if he didn't   already it wasn't very big group so very often  people did yeah in my case the person was from   another state and so I hadn't met them and just  took some time to get to know them and then you   take it I was gonna say slowly but the this  process tends to happen within a few months   yeah because the idea is that if if God is  told you'd marry someone in if that person   agrees then you shouldn't really delay it too  low i it's important to mention as well that's   one of the things that even before you go to  this young woman's father and she goes to her   happens that you know she needs to be in good  standing and but even more importantly that if   you're married already that your first wife is in  agreement that's one thing I remember being the   first thing that I was asked you know how does  your wife feel about this and she had already   met this young woman and had been encouraging it  and so sue me to sign is go ahead on that basis do you think there's any reason why women might  particularly be attracted to that lifestyle well   there are lots of reasons I think one important  thing to note is that people who have been brought   up in Mormonism already have a concept of doing  what God commands of them they already have a   responsibility they already have a idea that  men have a certain responsibility you know to   be a patriarch of a family and that they have  a responsibility to have children and that's   an eternity this might be a large family you know  they imagine that God had wives and so on and so   they're seeking to emulate that do you know if  they're brought up in that religion you know I   guess as the man is um but I think for some  it's also seen as a sacrifice you know that   they can become more godly or more like their  heavenly mother more like the women that they   see in the Bible who followed their husbands  and so on and so some of them realized that   they're making a sacrifice and it's hard because  now I'm outside of that situation I don't see   it it's a clear choice I mean if the choice is  between obeying or disobeying God and you think   obeying God will make you happy and disobeying  God will put you in hell forever it doesn't seem   like much of a choice now of course the man  believes the same thing but for a woman she's   dividing those attentions that he had towards  her you know with someone else and so another   thing anyone can truly anticipate everything  that will involve whether the man or the woman   especially the woman you know especially one  who might have children you know and suddenly   those times will be divided I want to move  forward into your experience in polygamy and   when you started to notice that something was  wrong that this wasn't real that this wasn't   right for your children or for your future and  what led you to ultimately feel that way sure there were a number of things I wholeheartedly  believed in the principles that I was practicing   for majority of the time I was involved with  Mormonism from the church to the group I was   part of and I believed all of it I had misgivings  about the way some things were implemented I had   misgivings about particular people and some of  things that had happened in its history but you   know I just thought that those were things where  people had slipped from the ideal and that where   I saw things that weren't right that was just just  individuals and ultimately though especially as I   began to have more responsibility as I began  to know leaders matters I began to look into   different areas of history that maybe had an  interest in me before maybe because I avoided   because they troubled me um I began to see  conflicts and I sold began to see conflicts   in my personal life too I began to see that the  happiness and the togetherness and the love that   I'd hoped for that was promised and that kind of  relationship flagging me just wasn't there for   me and it intact as I got to know other men and  women in the situation I didn't think it was there   for them also and I saw a few exceptions people  for whom that that dynamic seemed to work but   most people were putting on a brave face and they  were enduring to the end they were trying to make   something very difficult work some sincerely some  I don't know some had it seemed to me were broken   by that process and it troubled me and I began to  see in my children's own life I mean my daughters   were getting older and they had the prospects of  getting married my eldest daughter I had already   a young man coming around to ask about her not  all of them young and I questioned why that   life would bring her and you know because what it  wasn't bringing me it was hard for me to maintain   that hope in my life when I saw that you know  I couldn't offer it to her and hers but I had   a lot of difficulties the more that I studied as  well and when I faced up to those things that had   come across in the past that perhaps I hadn't  looked at so deeply and I realized that people   that had those questions throughout time and had  ultimately come to the same answer so these things   just didn't add up that they could the cost the  polygamy was too high to live that the reasons for   living it weren't so divine that's the things it  promised weren't so sure and that the reality of   religion I was living in whilst it still had some  points of happiness because we're such children   and you're happy to see when they have fun and  when they enjoy life and you you know you still   have people in your life when they're happy you  feel that degree of happiness but there was so   much more that you couldn't experience so much  more that you couldn't do so many walls that you   weren't seeing over of the life that was available  I was there and the knowledge that was available   out there and and so many sad and bad things that  I saw as well that I came across that sometimes   been excused and that caused me a great deal of  heartache and that came close to home and I just   couldn't stand putting myself or those around me  in that position anymore it definitely must have   been a struggle for you and more so than at such  a young age I could possibly have understood or my   siblings could have understood and even my mom and  I know that since leaving your life has changed so   much and you have changed so much as a person  do you feel like there are any things that you   gained living outside of polygamy that you would  not have been able to experience living within it yeah I mean there's a freedom of thought a freedom  of the ability to get things wrong you know - and   that's an essential part you know if you if  you're too scared to be wrong you can't find   out if you're right you can't learn from your  mistakes because the image is what matters or   the the outcome you know as it's seen by others  or you measure yourself against this yardstick   that the people who made those measurements didn't  even live up to as you discover as you study and   so but it can be a scary place you because when  you're in that situation you have a foundation   and you have a set of rules and traditions and  you know how to measure yourself up against them   and if you fail to measure up you think well  you know I'm imperfect but you know I have   to cling all the closer you know to make this  work to be worthy or you know to be righteous   or whatever it is but you know you're tracing  always after these these shadows of things you   know and you're never really meeting your ideals  and so you come out of that and you don't know I   understand you begin with but you you you find  some footing awkwardly at first and then you   start building what your life's meaning means what  your purpose is but I mean my time there certainly   came with a cost I have a lot of bitter regrets  and sorrow over things that I did that I did with usually good intentions but but I was very  much mislead I'm not trying to pinpoint an   individual I misled myself you know I relied for  my confidence in things that didn't deserve that   confidence I put people in positions because I was  making the sacrifices they made those sacrifices   along with me and it hurt them and some people  are still in those situations now some have left   and some have made that journey but it wasn't an  easy journey I know it wasn't for me and I think   and it was you know I sometimes even harder for  them and all because I thought this place would   give them some refuge and this life would give  them some opportunities or some blessings that   they could've had elsewhere and it's I spent  my life climbing this ladder against the wrong   wall and reach the top and looked over and  saw that that all of this time and all of   those experiences that I could have had know  we're there you know for that time and that   I have to start rebuilding again including  my relationships away and it's really meant   a lot to be able to have that relationship  with you and build on that now that we are   both very different points in our lives and much  healthier points and much healthier mindsets is   there anything that you would say to the people  that you left behind with in polygamy such as   friends and co-workers or just people that  you knew very well that you know that looked   up to you or that you looked up to them that  might not understand your reasons for leaving I'd like to tell people that it isn't true that  whatever coincidences have happened in your life   whatever things you've seen is blessings people in  other religions have similar things happen to them   things that they consider our evidences of their  religion and that doesn't mean that everything's   wrong with the religion that they belong to there  can be many good things the best things come from   people helping one another and those things can  exist without religion at all I'd say that there   is life outside of that way of life there is life  outside of learning about pleasing some leader or   being worthy to some standard we can still have  morals and ethics we can still do good things   we can still help people and we can still have  happy family what's there working for the same   sorts of things that matter in life but without  all these other pressures and all the costs that   they come at and if somebody can get away from  that and and rebuild their life then they can   have a better more full life but that can come to  the cost too sometimes loved ones can disown you   if you're not part of their faith sometimes  friends and and others that you've come to   admire or like the company of may not want to  associate with you and that's hard but you need   to be honest with yourself you need to apply the  same standards and the same arguments that you   would against another religion because people  in religions go oh look at that other religion   they're not rights because they do this because  they do that or because this doesn't have her   because that contradicts but if we were to look  at the things we believe ourselves in the same   way at our own religion we would find the same  contradictions also I'd like to say sorry because   I promoted a religion that I ultimately found  out wasn't true and the things that it taught   cost people a lot of time a lot of potential in  their life and in my personal life in my my own   family it costs them a great deal it it costs  rifts and my relationship with them them with   each other put them in situations that were  difficult and if I could go back and change   that I would and I oh I can do is try and make  up for it and if I was your friend before I want   to be your friend again and I want to be there  for you in any way I can and that's what I've   been trying to do with my family and I stumbled  along the way sometimes but that's where my heart   is that was very well spoken from the heart and  I hope you know how much I love you and me too well I think we will end this here but I really  appreciate you sharing I know a lot of that was   probably hard to say in a sense hard to share and  more public spotlight but I know that everything   you've said is sincere it is not biased or  derogatory in any way shape or form and I think   a lot of it is things that people need to hear  so thank you thank you for this chance I hope it   helps you know there are so many people out there  who I liked and loved so much we're part of these   types of communities and living in polygamy and  I hope some of them can see tonight I care for   them and I don't condemn them for what they're  trying to do I'm just not convinced that the   way they're doing it will achieve the ends that  they want and I want to see them happy thank you   all for watching today I really appreciate this  opportunity to be able to help my dad share his   story share his experiences within polygamy and  hopefully give you all a little more insight and   let you know that you're not alone out there so  if you are interested in sharing your story then   please don't be afraid to reach out and if you  are looking for any resources there are so many   out there so I will link them below for you to  check out and we'll see you next time thank you drop those beats

Channel: Leah Garcia

Views: 67,650

Keywords: escaping polygamy, polygamy, sisterwives, seeking sister wife, three wives one husband, plural marriage, consecration, temple sealing, aub, apostolic united brethren, kingston group, kingstons, flds, fundamentalist mormons, mormon history, lds, lds history, mormons, extra telestial, extra-telestial

Id: gTW7NF8Jy30

Length: 21min 32sec (1292 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 05 2019