Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Link. And I'm Rhett. This week at the round
table of dim lighting, we are exploring the
question why am I, Rhett, growing out my hair and beard? Why are you growing out
your hair and beard? Hair and beard. You're growing out your hair and beard. Hair and beard, not my heron beard. That'd be a different thing, that'd be a beard shaped
like a heron which is a bird. Well you know what, it is starting to assume--
It could happen. The shape of something.
Mm-hmm. It's curling forward in the front and it's almost like there's a beak, it could be from a, okay, I'm listening. I'm on board for this. Hold on so--
I'm on board for you talking about your--
Hold on, you just cut your own--
Facial hair. You cut yourself short.
And your hair, head hair. And just said okay I'm on board. Why we talking like this today? We're talking very stuccato. Stuccato. Now tease, I'm on board
but they may not be. Tease it, you mean like this-- Don't tease your hair.
Teasing my hair. There's something to this.
Okay well-- There's rumblings of reasons. So apparently there's
enough to talk about for-- This may be an announcement
to you but yes, the plan is to grow my
hair and my beard out and I have a reason, reasons. I knew you were gonna
do it, this is not news but I've only heard the
rumblings of the specifics so-- And it may not seem like the kinda thing that warrants a conversation
on Ear Biscuits, but I think we've demonstrated that, it doesn't take much to warrant a conversation on Ear Biscuits. But is there something to this? Is this gonna go somewhere,
this conversation? I mean I certainly hope so for the sake of the entertainment of people-- You're not really selling it well. I'm looking for a teaser like yes and, what I'm really gonna talk about-- I have a deeply personal
reason that I'm doing it. And there it is.
How's that for a tease? You have a deep, so it's
not a shallow thing, there's a deep element.
There could be shallow elements to it as well,
we'll explore all that. Okay, all right. But it started in a deeply personal place. All right. I hereby commit to being actively engaged in ripping you to shreds but also supporting you emotionally. Okay that's interesting.
In this conversation. Okay, before we get into your heron beard, I can't figure out if this
is something to celebrate, 'cause it might come across as bragging. Be a braggy daddy.
I'm trying to figure out how I wanna--
Just be a braggy daddy, man. How I approach this but I got a new car. Hey Link, look at you, man. Look at me, man! And this is not a normal thing for you. This is a long time coming. Yeah, I been driving this Scion XB that we bought together,
how many years ago? Like you been through a number of cars and I've just been driving this Scion XB. When we first, just to
step back a little bit-- I don't know when it was. When we first moved to LA,
we towed my family minivan behind a U-Haul truck and then you, you took over the lease from
somebody in Santa Monica-- Yeah, fun fact. Life tip. I didn't know this was a
thing but if you need a car for a short period of
time and I needed a car for six months-- Because we were saying
we were gonna be here for six months in furnished apartments. Right.
We didn't move all of our stuff.
You can actually-- You left a car back in
North Carolina, I guess. Yeah I did, two of 'em. You can take over someone else's lease and there are different
websites where you can do it so it's much cheaper than renting a car. You don't want to rent
a car for six months and if you're in a situation like I was and couldn't borrow a
car 'cause I was going to a new place where
I didn't know anybody, you can take over somebody's lease. I did, it was a Saturn. That's the only time I've drove a Saturn and then Saturn just quit making cars. I went with you to pick it up. Culver City. So that I drove you there 'cause Uber wasn't really popping yet. No it wasn't Culver
City, it was all the way, it was at the beach almost. It was like Cerritos or something. And we, if I remember correctly, we went into this guy's apartment. If you go on Craigslist to
buy a bike or something. You meet a guy at his
apartment, you buy it, but for you it was taking
over the lease of a car. Felt a little clandestine. I was like I don't know if
I actually took it over, I just got the keys and drove away. But there was paperwork and cash involved. Yeah but all the paperwork
was with the bank. And then our second car when
we settled into living here, we leased a Ford Fusion. Ford Fusion.
As a company car which I drove and then I
would come to your house 'cause we worked in your backyard. Well between the two families-- You didn't have a car. Between the two families,
we had three cars total. So y'all had a minivan, we had an SUV and that was what Jessie and Christy drove 'cause they needed to
take children around. And then we shared a car.
And then we shared a car because I didn't have a commute. Right and then we started commuting-- Did that for a good while. And then we bought, speaking of cash, we bought the Scion because that's the car that you had back in North Carolina and you liked it 'cause
it had storage capacity and it works for a tall guy.
It's actually good for a tall person.
So you could sit up. Still is, Scion's one of the
best cars for a tall person. And we had this idea to buy it in cash. We had this vision of taking out the cash. Well I think that when
people said you buy a car in cash, we literally thought that meant that you took a stack of
cash into the dealership. Well and then--
It just really means you just don't finance it. Yeah it just means you
get a cashier's check. We literally took a stack, I'm
sure we've told this story. We took a cash, cash stack. How much money did Scion cost? It was $18,000. Okay.
And we put $18,000 in an envelope and walked around-- I thought it was gonna be a freakin'-- Walked around with it--
I thought we were gonna have to get a duffel bag. I just didn't really think about it. It's not really that much. I could have put it in my pocket and you would have just
thought I was excited. It's not that much money. Yeah 'cause it's, if you
get a thousand dollar bill. It's only 18 of those. We didn't get, those do exist,
but I've never seen one. We got--
We got it in hundreds. Yeah so--
We got 18, no we got 180.
180. Hundred dollar.
Hundred dollar bills. Yeah you don't need a duffel bag for that. And then we gave it to
the guy and he looked at us kinda weird 'cause it's
still like, it's one stack. It's what rappers talk about doing. They got bands. Yeah, I wanna do it more often. He had to take the money and put it in a counter.
Yeah, took twice. Had to count it twice
'cause it's a lot of cash. So I've been driving that
thing around for years. I backed into somebody
in a Ralphs parking lot and the bumper's all crapped out. Tail light's busted.
Wha tail. The tail light's been
busted for over a year. I just been driving it, you know. It's got Bluetooth
connectivity to my phone. I can listen to music.
That's all you need. Bluetooth. Although I read recently
should turn your Bluetooth off because it is highly susceptible to-- Hacking.
Security breaches. You should turn your AirDrop, first, just turn your Bluetooth off unless you are currently
connecting to something that requires Bluetooth. Don't have it on all the time because people people
be opening up that mouth and taking advantage of your Bluetooth. Oh really?
Your blue teeth, yeah. Yeah, it's what I heard. But you got a new car. So I finally did it.
Mm-hmm. I got a new car and I've had on my mind I wanna get an electric vehicle. Of course. And I'm like you know what, this is my opportunity to splurge. I've done some things to splurge but this is the first time I've, this is the quintessential
splurge on myself. Oh come--
That's what I've done. You can use a different word. I got an electric car. I test drove a Tesla and then
I looked at the price tag on that thing and I just could
not bring myself to do it. Yeah. Especially the one you
were looking at, the X, which is just--
'Cause Christy said-- If you get one brand new, it's just-- I think we need to get the car. Ridiculous.
She said I needed to get the SUV, get the X so that
if the whole family needed to go somewhere, we could
still all technically get in. So I'm like okay really,
that's a requirement. I do think that that's kind of important. Yeah, she talked me into
that 'cause I test drove a BMW, the I--
I-- Three or something.
Three, yeah. It's like that, it kinda
looks like a bigger, slightly visher burger. Bigger version of a smart car. It's the one that Katie
Couric and Bryant Gumbel were in the commercial making fun of themselves from talking about the
internet in that campaign. Not a lot of bells and
whistles on that BMW. I'm like if I'm gonna get a BMW, it needs to have bells
and frickin' whistles. It did not have any and the
reason was to keep it lighter so it could have a greater range. And they're still trying to sell you on, and you put a little gas
engine in the back as a backup. And I'm like for some reason, as anxious as I get about things, I wanted to fully commit
to an electric car. I mean we also have a gas-powered
car if we go on a trip or camping or something so it's like, I don't have what they call range anxiety. Well you--
I have all other types of anxiety.
Yeah but you've had the car for a week, I mean you
don't know what kind of anxiety you're gonna--
Most people have it and it keeps them from considering
a fully electric vehicle. I thought range anxiety
is when you're in the car and you start looking at that meter. Yes but it starts with deciding if this is gonna be your car.
Okay, all right. I think I have that. I looked at the Audi e-tron. I had to sign up on a waiting list for months and months and
months to get this thing. So they kinda tricked me into full splurge because you go on and
you configure your car and you place an order
and they're like well, you can change this before it
goes to the plant to be made. And so I'm like, you know what, I'm going all the way and
I said yes to everything. Yeah.
I never went back onto the screen, which you
might call that the website. I call it the screen. And really say you know
what, I'm not gonna get this because it costs a little more and I'm not gonna get this addition. It's the first time I've
ever said yes to everything, all the accessories for anything. Yeah. I'm usually the one that's
like yeah, I'll get it but I'm not gonna get
this and this and this. The next email I got, they
were shipping the thing. Yeah. And I was like too late now. I talked my, I backed into the splurge. And again, I just feel
like I'm almost apologizing but it's like, because I have
a hard time spending money, so I got this thing. Are you apologizing for
the massaging seats? It's got seats that massage. And you know what, your
seat gave me a massage. I don't know if you could
tell by the look on my face but I requested one by
pressing the buttons and I got one the other
day when I was in your car. It not only has a massage, it's got six different types of massage. Yeah she went up to the shoulders. I don't know why-- Three different--
I just said she, the seat. Intensities.
The seat went up to the shoulders, lower back, mid-back, and then I put on the ventilation in your nice leather perforated seats. Yes. Yeah you do the bragging for me, man. This is good. So I take Lando to school yesterday. Of course I usually am the
one to take him to school. Christy takes Lily and
Lincoln to high school, they're both in high school
now, a little bit earlier. And he went around and
he got in the front seat. He said, "I'm getting in the front seat." I looked at him weird because he insists on me chauffeuring him to school, like he would always get in
the backseat of the Scion. He would never get in
the front seat with me. Really, most kids, as soon
as they have the opportunity to get to--
I know. The front seat are up there. And I was like, and I
don't exactly know why. My theory was when he
got out of the front seat I'm more visible and if
any of the other students can see it's me, he's like self-conscious about his dad being recognized as that guy from the internet. He hasn't outright told me that. But I think that was part of it. Okay.
He wants to slip out of the back. Put him in the trunk, back into school. But he got--
Who was that, I don't know. He's like, "I'm getting
in the front seat." Of course he's in fourth
grade now so maybe he's over the whole dad's famous. He's realized it's not, who cares. But what he really did was,
he wanted that massager. I'm like yeah, okay,
here's another benefit. My son is now riding beside
me on the way to school. I can actually look at him a little bit when we're driving in. And he's so relaxed when he gets there. Yeah he's just like--
To wake him up. Son, we're at school.
Like a puddle of mud. But I'll tell ya, this
thing's got so much stuff, so many cameras, so many blings and blasts and whistles and alerts and screens that I don't know where to look. Yeah you were backing up the other day and I actually saw one view was just a colonoscopy of myself. I was like how did the camera get there? It's actually a--
I need to see a doctor. It's a colon cleanse, it's a colonic. It's a colonic.
It's a colonic machine. So it's not, it's not doctor certified, it's more just like woo science. Right.
Kind of a thing. Yeah.
But it drains directly onto the street so I don't have-- Oh.
It's not like I have to clean it up or anything. Oh gosh. I mean I don't know if you noticed, but we're going to this, I'm
driving, well first of all, I'm offering to drive now. Yeah. 'Cause I feel like, I feel
like I'm just driving, it's free, it's just, I feel like I'm, I never go to a gas station. Sure I plug it into that
thing when I get home but I just feel like it's free fuel. Now the sticker on the car
said you save like $2500 over five years in fuel cost. I'm like man, that's depressingly low. Well because you know,
the ironic thing is that the fuel that you're using at home, the electricity that you're using at home is most likely
generated by fossil fuels but that is not a reason-- That's changing.
To not transition to an electric car. One of my main motives.
Because we're in it for the long haul, folks. It's for the environment, baby. Yeah so I mean there's zero emissions. It's better, yeah, it's
the right thing to do but it is an expensive
thing to do at this point and you can't really do it to save money. But it's also a better driving experience. Let me tell you, man. I told Christy first
time we got this thing, I'm like we are driving in the future. It just feels that way, it's like . I've never owned a car
that had acceleration. I'm like accelerating for
the first time in a car. And it's exhilarating to accelerate. But let me tell ya,
with so much to look at and listen to and be distracted by, I'm putting myself, passengers
and everyone around me-- There have been some close calls. You ran two red lights
just yesterday alone. I never run red lights. I ran two red lights yesterday because-- It also takes you--
I'm looking at other things. It already takes you a
long time to get in and go, begin going 'cause there's
lots of things that happen and then takes you a long
time to get out of the car. It's been taking you, I'd
say an extra 45 seconds on top of your already 120 second routine. I don't even know how to start it yet. Yeah.
Running red lights if I get it started. I almost hit a pedestrian,
and here's the, it's so quiet. You know they add a little sound. Like legally there's a
little sound that they add. It's a futuristic sound. When you pulled up at my house
with it for the first time, it was like . That's the sound. That is not necessary for
the operation of the vehicle. Safety. That is added for safety only. No and coolness. And in reverse it makes a different sound.
It sounds good. I've never heard it from the outside. Well let me drive it,
I'll drive it around you. I'll drive a circle around you. You can stand outside and listen to it. Okay, that's about as far
as I'll let you drive. I haven't, I did let Lily drive it. I was pretty nervous about that. Christy has not driven it. So yeah--
But you're gonna let her. I feel guilty about doing it
but I'm also having the time of my life behind the wheel. Yeah man, splurge yourself. And I would thank Audi but
it's not like I got a discount so not a sponsor. I mean you did buy, you
did order it directly after we attended that Audi dinner.
That's true. That was one of the coolest
experiences we've had in terms of the whole name-dropping kind of situation which--
Have we dropped those names 'cause let's do it. Don Cheadle.
Yeah we had dinner and very small group of people and freaking Don Cheadle was
there, that's all I gotta say. I assumed he'd be nice but he was a unexpectedly jovial guy.
So nice, so nice. Did you know that the first
adjective that you would use to describe Don Cheadle would be jovial? Well--
Dude is jovial. Yeah, yeah. Almost festive, it feels like
Christmas around the guy. And very engaged with whatever it is that everyone's talking about. Kumail Nanjiani, we sat next to him and we were talking about
the e-tron and he was like, "I mean it's basically
just a station wagon." And I'm like--
That's what I want, bro. I mean it's not, I would
have to agree with that. It's kind of a practical
thing which makes it, it's not flashy. It's got all the bells and whistles. And you also, you went with, I like the color.
Yeah. It's a cool color but it's
cool because it's not cool. You know what I'm saying? I never saw it on a car when
I ordered it, I was like-- You got a tan--
Beige. Station wagon. Yeah I did. You got a beige station wagon. It's not really, it's a sexy experience. But it looks very futuristic and-- Not as much as a Tesla though. It's got a grill even though
it doesn't need a grill. So many people are
driving a Tesla, you know. Around here, it's just like-- It basically just looks like another Audi. It looks like it's not a
fully electronic vehicle because of the grill and stuff like that. Yeah until you hear that . You know what it is.
It's incognito. Well I'm happy--
No mufflers. I'm happy for ya.
No mufflers. That's my favorite part. And yeah, I mean-- I got a new car, you gettin' a new hair. The side effect of you
driving more though is that you're not great at
carrying on a conversation while driving so it makes, that's a little bit of a bummer. Yeah it's not fully, it'll almost-- So engaged.
It'll almost drive itself. Yeah.
And then I can start talking when I get in that mode, once
I figure out how to use that. Okay, we'll talk. If we have any more harrowing
or non-harrowing experiences in your car or I get more massages, we'll keep you updated on that. We need a massage, these
need to be massage chairs. No we can't, keep it to the car. But first, we wanna let you
know that you should head over to that new Mythical.com website and you should, first of all, it might just happen that
you get a little pop-up that invites you to subscribe to receive the Mythical Monthly Newsletter
where you get news from us, early access to discounts and a lot more. Some recommendations, et cetera, or if you don't see that
pop-up you can scroll down to the bottom, there will
be a place you can enter in your email address. We will make it worth your time. This is not a spammy situation. We try to make each one of those Mythical Monthly Newsletters useful. Something special.
Yeah. Also go to Mythical.com to buy stuff. Mythical.tom? Mythical.com. Like this shirt. Long-sleeve oath tee. Got some tricep printed action. Oh man, my shoulder's hurting from-- Be careful.
Oh gosh. When you get back in your car. Okay.
Got a app. I can start cooling it
off before I get into it. Yeah I noticed you did that. It's got a valet alert feature. Valet alert?
So if I, yeah, so if the valet take it
farther, if the valet-- The valet steals the car.
Steals the car, I will know immediately if I turn that on. Hmm. Mythical.store. Check it. Okay so--
Dot com. Mythical.com Oh I got the habit of
saying Mythical.store. I mean it'll redirect.
It'll still work. 'Cause we--
Mythical.com's got it all. Right. So I think I've only told, the largest group of people I've told, I think I told the
Mythical Society members during one of the monthly vlogs, we have a monthly vlog over
there at Mythical Society and I said I was, I basically
said I was thinking about, didn't wanna fully commit to saying that I was growing my
hair and my beard out. But I haven't talked about it here. I did say I would talk about why. Okay so, I, at some point, well first of all, like most people, my hair and
my beard have a certain cycle and most people have sort of recognized, I let my hair or my facial
hair grow to this point and then I get it cut. Probably a lot of dudes
are on a monthly schedule. Six weeks maybe. And I just got to the
end of one of my cycles and I was like, I don't
think I'm gonna cut it. And--
And you're talking about the hair at this point. 'Cause the beard you would
trim more often than that. The beard I would trim more often. But so the other thing that, the thing that coincided with this and was the motivation for it, the primary motivation for it is, and I've given a little background on this but in therapy, sort of the main thing that I am kinda focusing on-- Is style.
Is yeah, it's just looking better. No, is--
Damn we're already talking about therapy. Moving--
Good. Moving from the head
to the heart, now okay, scientifically speaking, is
there really a difference? What I'm talking about is
the principle of embodiment and yeah, we're in LA now
and we hang around folks who talk about things like embodiment and do things like embodiment workshops. Yeah you can, you can shake
your head or whatever you do to those kinds of things
if you're not into it but I would say that as I
hopefully have demonstrated and have talked about, just
the idea of getting more in touch with my feelings
because I tend to be a super heady person and actually, if you ask me what I'm
feeling about something, I will tell you what
I'm thinking about it. And this is a pretty, I would
say that this is a huge issue. I'll know how to tell ya how I feel, I just tell ya how I think. You complete--
Jimmy Stewart? You can, John Wayne. You can lead a horse--
Okay. You can lead a horse to water
but you can't make him feel. I think Jimmy Stewart and
John Wayne had a love child and that's what you just impersonated. Well that makes me feel criticized. So and you know the interesting thing is and this is a thing that I
have discovered in therapy is I will cry very easily. Feldman, I was at Feldman's
wedding this past weekend. I cried at your wedding. Congratulations, Feldman. You made Rhett cry. Now what kind of cry was it 'cause-- It was a just a John Paul Jones, for those of you who watch
"Bachelor in Paradise," it was just a heaving, no it wasn't. It wasn't anything like that. It was just my eyes welled up with tears. I don't believe that a tear dropped but-- You were sad.
I got misty-eyed. You were sad for Stacy. When you , when I thought about
what Stacy was gonna have to endure for the next few decades. Joy, we're talking tears of joy. Yeah and I will cry easily at a movie. I will cry, I will cry at
an emotional commercial. Like every once in awhile
there's one of those Super Bowl commercials and
it's usually about something like a Dodge truck but the
whole thing is very emotional and it doesn't take much to get
the waterworks going for me. But that actually is not
evidence of sensitivity. It's actually evidence of my tendency to, 'cause all humans have to
have some kind of release of your emotions, right. Now typically for me, it's
gonna come out with crying at things that I have
no personal stakes in. Sorry to say it, Feldman. I don't have any personal
stakes in your marriage. I see your marriage like a commercial that I'm just viewing passively. And so, I'm very, it doesn't take much to make me start crying
at that because you need to let it out somehow. I wonder what my release is. I think it might be just clenching my-- My butt hole?
My butt hole. Yeah you should--
Which is ironic. You should see a therapist about that. Not a lot of release associated
with clenching but like. Well, that's the clench, so
what is the release for me? I don't know.
A fart. No. I don't know. Well and the other
release for me is anger. Which I would think is
the same for you as well. You're in that situation where your family really
hasn't done anything at all that warrants you being pissed
but your fuse is pretty short and it's because you gotta, you're dealing with
frustrations at work or anxiety about your life or your
career or whatever. For me a lot of times it's
just this general level of frustration with the things
that we're trying to create and make better and creative
aspirations being restricted in some way or thinking about the future and are we still gonna
be relevant, whatever. All those things that kinda get rolled up. Or maybe just you're
just doing a whole lot of things at once. The stress comes in and then
it's gotta find a way out and so a lot of times with me it'll just be an angry
outburst, not physical thing but just a short uncharitable tone or word with my kids or my wife. And so I'm dealing with
that because the thing that my therapist is trying to get me to do is just be like okay, when you are experiencing something, don't just immediately move
to what do you think about it? 'Cause I'm also a huge problem solver and so if you, even if
somebody tells me an issue that they have emotionally, I'm gonna, the way I respond to that is to tell you what you should do. Or even if you know it's
not polite to say it, 'cause it's like, in
your mind or in my mind, it's immediately like well if
it were me, I would do this. My next step would be this. My action would be this. And this is problematic in
relationships of course. Right.
So if your wife comes to you and says that this
is how I feel about this or I had a bad day and this
is specifically what happened, my typical response is to be like well, what are we gonna do about it? Here's my advice and she's
not interested in my advice. She's interested in me having some empathy and feeling along with her.
Yeah. Now, related to that, one of
the things that I'm trying to do is sort of live more
in this part of my body, and so again, these are
basically just tools. I don't think there's some
center of mass of my soul that is literally moving down to my heart, but there is this physical question of where do I feel this thing
and how do I embody this on a more consistent basis? So I can be in a situation
where I'm just interacting with somebody and I can
be like, don't just think about what they're saying and
think about this conversation. Feel what they're saying
and feel this conversation and be in your heart and you
will be a more connected, present person. Yeah, we got an advance
copy of our friend Mike, Science Mike McHargue's new book which I'm sure we'll talk about more later but probably shouldn't talk about his book which he gave us a
sneak peek but screw it. He said, he's talking about how you have a nervous system built
around your digestive system, for example.
Yeah. Nerves aren't just to
feel at your fingertips but it's to give feedback. And if I'm not mistaken,
independent of rational parts of your brain, well I mean, a lot of your nervous
system is just, it works and sends signals and your
body responds automatically. Yeah. But there's actually, there's feeling and sensation associated
with these things, whether it's digestion or-- Yeah there is a--
Breathing. Scientific reality to it. Obviously I don't understand
it or can't explain it as well as Mike can. But knowing that is another access point to I think what you're talking about which is beginning to awaken to the fact that everything doesn't
happen in our rational, our experience is not just limited to what we can filter rationally. That's what you're saying, right? Yeah and well, and
also, if you're like me, you can have a tendency to
just come to the conclusion that this is my personality. My personality is not very emotional. Like I'm not one of
those emotional people. There's not a lot of drama. In reality, I'm just really
good in certain circumstances at behaving well, but because I'm a human, that stuff that goes in is
going to come out in some form like we've discussed. And for me it's these unhealthy ways. So all that to say that sort of my mantra and it's very difficult
to remember to do this. My mantra has just to
be like be in the heart. Be in the heart. And where does my hair and
my beard come into this? Well but even, that is the question. But before you answer that, I actually, so if that's your mantra, the thing that you repeat to yourself,
A, how do you do that? What does the mantra part
mean and then what is, what is the specific action point? What do you do to be in the heart? Well I'm, first of all,
I'm figuring that out. Now one thing I do is-- You said mantra so first of all, are you repeating over and
over again that phrase? Not out loud necessarily. It's more, when I find
myself in a situation, I'm like how can I be
more embodied right now in this conversation, in this interaction, in this moment, whatever. But practically, I think it
happens in a couple ways. One is asking myself what
do I feel about something as opposed to just what
do I think about it? I got enough thinking going
on for like a dozen people. There's no, I'm not about to think not enough about something. So it's more like okay but what I can do and this closes me off in
relationship is to just think about things and so it's like okay, well what do you feel about that? To actually feel it, take a moment to, where do you feel it,
and what is the feeling? A lot of times my therapist asks me, "No no, but what do you,
how do you feel about that?" I'm like, I don't know
what I feel about it but I can tell you what I think about it. So it's asking that question. Now the second part of it. I think for me, a big part
of kinda being present in a conversation is not, and especially in a group where, a group maybe, not
necessarily a large group, where I tend to go into
my performance mode and this gets into a little bit of the, which we still haven't
done a podcast on this, the Enneagram stuff, it's
essentially just a way to think about your personality. It's not particular scientific
but it's not like astrology. It's just based on observation
and I tend to be a performer and so I kind of adapt
to certain environments so it's like okay, I'm in
this type of environment with these type of people. I'm pretty good at
figuring out very quickly how do you succeed at being
liked in this situation? What kind of humor, what kind
of conversational topics need to be deployed in this group
to be seen as relevant, a leader, just to perform well. That is my default. I'm really good at it. But for me, it's saying okay,
you gotta break that cycle of trying to perform and move into a place that is more like not, for me, that's not filtering what I say. Now this is, this is not your issue. You don't have a filter, but I think that that's a
healthy thing in a lot of ways. It can get you into
trouble, maybe make you have to apologize more than the average person but for me, it's saying
like I'm actually going to say the first thing that
I feel about this thing that we're talking about and I'm not going to run it through the how does this fit into my overall performance
in this setting? Now it happens very quickly, right? And it's very difficult
to decipher between when is this an authentic, I'm
just speaking from the heart and just saying what I think and when is this my
sort of curated thought? 'Cause I'm so good at getting to the curated thought very quickly. Am I speaking from honesty
versus speaking for effect. Yeah so I would say practically
those are the two things. I'm not saying that I'm good at it. So for the first one I'm
curious, is there something, maybe small, like an example
of something where it's like, what was the mantra again? How do I feel about this? Be in the heart.
Be in the heart. Can you think of a recent
example where it's like, where you redirected in that way? Well I think it happens more often in, I think I'm trying to apply
it mostly in my conversations with my family, or you know, and talking to my mom I think is a good
example of like, in her recovery and then she's had a
couple of little setbacks with some things unrelated to the ankle that have put her in the hospital and she's gonna be fine, but even in a conversation with her, not just being like okay,
my role here is just the inquisitive, concerned son. Mm-hmm. You know, but again, I'm not good at it. And going from the stages, if
you go back before therapy, I was basically unaware
that this was a problem and now I've kinda moved into an awareness that it's a problem but
not necessarily an ability to always act and change and I'm trying to move to a conscious awareness where I'm actually actively
doing these things so that's, I don't know how long it's
gonna take to get there. That's what I'm working on. But when you're on the phone, you're no longer just asking for the, give me the update. What is, are you in, oh you
had to go back to hospital. What is the doctor saying? What's the next step? What's the plan? Okay let me know when you
get the results or whatever, right, you're trying to move
beyond just the practical-- Yeah and it's not, again, it's not easy. I'm not good at being
like how are you feeling about all this? It could be as simple as that, as entering into a real conversation. So I don't have a whole
lot of examples of like this is how I do it because
it's more just like, I know it's a problem and I'm
trying to solve the problem. It's interesting because it's compounded, I would imagine in those
moments because it's, it's a level of, for
someone who's like maybe this has always come easy to
them and that's not me either, by the way, so someone
that's not either one of us that it would come easy
to, again just like empathy or like feeling someone's
pain is just something that just comes out of 'em. This is my wife. But so for you it's interesting that in making that effort, I would
imagine there was a roadblock and I guess I've experienced
this too that like there's an added roadblock
of a self-awareness that's like there's a
vulnerability to even trying that makes it even more difficult, right. It's like now all of a sudden I'm gonna, instead of hanging up and
saying, "Love you, Mom," I'm gonna say, "How do you feel?" or I'm
gonna make the decision to share how what she
shared with me made me feel. I'm gonna share that with her. And then it's like, I'm gonna do this now and it's gonna feel weird to me. It might feel weird to my mom. It might, like what's my
tone of voice when I start to exercise empathy? I would imagine 'cause we
think similarly in this way that like we're so self-aware
that when we start, you start to engage
those things that like, all of these signals keep
saying it's not worth it. Right, like even something
as simple as like, what does my voice sound like
when I'm more empathetic? You know? Yeah I mean it's, yeah. I do think it's a separate issue but yeah, it's a compounding issue but I think that it's just something that is, I think that our self-awareness
is what makes us good at what we do.
Yeah. And it's why we can move
into different environments. It's why we can host a
podcast the way that we do. It's why we can host
Good Mythical Morning. Yeah.
And it's, I'm not--
You're aware of how the better we are, the more we're aware of how every single
thing strikes a viewer. We're pretty good at stepping out and observing exactly the way something that we're doing would be
interpreted or understood or experienced by an audience. That's entertainment. While simultaneously being in the moment as much as possible which
does require a level of feigning it, as a performer. And I think that being a good
performer definitely works against all of this.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. You know what I'm saying,
I think that the people who are probably the best
and the most embodied, they might be a great dancer,
you know what I'm saying? If you take something
that's like, dancing, oh you know what? Another, I'm gonna go back
to your wedding again. I did a little dancing at
your wedding but not a lot. But again, I dance for show. You know what I'm saying,
traditionally I move my body in kind of a weird way
and I'm doing it kind of to entertain people who are watching. But--
But I'm not dancing like nobody's watching. And there's, what is the dance, Feldman? When everybody was circling your moms-- The Mezinka. The Mezinka. So everybody starts doing
these concentric circles of-- Oh that's the hora. The hora. Okay the hora.
Before it's the Mezinka, that's the crowning service and then, or the crowning ceremony when the parents, the last children of the
parents are married off, they get crowned. Oh when the last children of
the parents are married off, they get crowned and everyone
dances in concentric-- Around them, kisses
them and then it goes-- Circles.
And then our DJ mixed it into the hora. And then he mixed it in
the hora but okay so, it was a communal dance, which by definition is not about an individual's performance. And it's funny because I
felt, having never done it... Yeah, I felt the same thing
that I think you're describing which is like all of a sudden we're like linking hands with people. Christy and then somebody
I didn't even know and then we're doing these concentric, I can see you on the
other side of the circle out of the corner of my eye. I know that you're probably
having a similar experience to me which is like, I'm doing this but I'm not really
giving myself over to it. Right?
Yeah. It's like, I'm conjuring up the, I'm setting my pride aside
that this is about being a part of something.
But I will say that even in that moment, I am
doing it more than I ever have. I am giving myself over to the
joy of dancing in a circle. Really.
And that's the exercise. Yeah.
Because yeah, 'cause the natural inclination is well, if the whole mob of people on the dance floor form a circle and then they want someone to go in there and show what's up, then it's like oh, there's an opportunity to perform. It's like yes, I'm going to do that. Well and I'm a little, I'm a little shy in those situations but then if the right opportunity strikes,
I will go into the circle and make a memory for people. But the giving yourself over to dance in a communal environment like that-- And that's why in these, I haven't been to an embodiment workshop but an embodiment workshop
does involve, you have-- I have. I've done it.
Does involve freely moving your body in a way that
is without self-regard. Without self-consciousness. Yeah, this is all related to
what I'm kind of dealing with in therapy and I do think
that our reputation, I don't know, again, I think that this is, this is definitely an
issue for both of us. This is an issue for everyone. Everyone has this I am this kinda person and I don't wanna feel uncomfortable and I don't want anybody to
make me feel uncomfortable. Everybody has their own
version of what that is. But I think in my family
growing up, it's like, we knew, we kinda prided
ourselves on being good at things and seeming like we know what
the hell we're talking about and if we don't know what
the hell we're talking about, we're probably not gonna talk about it. But we think that we know
a lot about a lot of things so we end up talking
about a lot of things. And it's like, again, yeah,
and then there's the opposite of that which is just like if
you just picture this hippie, just moving their body to the
music at Woodstock, it's like, now first of all, because you're humans and we all have egos, I understand how, and this is what we're
gonna get into when we talk about my hair in a second,
when we finally get to my hair and beard, the act of seeming like you don't give a, can actually become very much that you do care a lot about
how you're being perceived because it's very difficult
for humans to parse that. Okay.
And it might be difficult to decipher between this
person really is embodied and doesn't care about what
people think about them, they look exactly like this person but this person actually is
doing this because they care about what people think.
Okay I think, okay I'm starting to
understand where you're going so just hit us with the hair therapy. Oh, the the-hairapy. Therapy. That's what, the-hairapy. Hit us with that. Okay, in trying to find other practical things
that I can do to reinforce this sort of direction that
I am moving as a person, in the same way that someone might wear, oh I've got this little rubber band that every time I see it,
I think be in the heart, you know, there's some kind
of physical clue or a-- Maybe a tattoo of a heart. Something that helps you.
On your heart. No there's a word for that but I don't know exactly what it is. I think that if I look at
a picture of the future me and it's the more embodied me, he has long hair and a
beard, and a long beard. Why? Well, you know, you think about someone who has thrown caution to the wind and is sort of just
trying to be in concert with the forces of the
universe and is a member, is an interdependent member
of the global community, there's a reason that you
see somebody with long hair and a beard and you're like,
they're either homeless or Jesus. You know what I'm saying.
Or-- Or-- You're saying enlightened? No, no, no no no no no. I'm not saying enlightened by any means, I'm just saying that they kinda
look like they're not trying a whole lot to get
everything exactly trimmed up and combed in exactly the right way to then get into the
mold that people expect. But I also think that--
So you're saying grooming-- There's a reason--
There's a correlation between grooming and--
I think this is pretty simple.
And yeah, I'm just, just to state it simply.
If you go to Woodstock, you didn't see a lot of
people with buzz cuts and military-style hair cuts. It was like long hair,
beard, hippie, no bras. It's a relaxing of
standards and a relaxing of trying to hold some sort of mold and fit into a certain thing. Now, again, we'll talk about
how, well they actually became, the counter-culture became
the culture in a lot of ways and sub-cultures become
oppressive cultures that expect people to
do something to fit in. We're not talking about that.
But to state it simply, a lack of, a loosening of
outward perceived grooming is a reflection of more
of an inward grooming. Like spending your energy on not how other people
perceive you externally but how you perceive yourself internally. Yeah. Okay.
Yeah, it's the, again, it's the--
Which is different than saying, I wanna become more woke. I wanna be like a guru so I wanna look like a guru. You're not saying that.
Yeah I'm not saying that at all. Now, that is the underlying reason, now-- But don't say but yet. Just one more, so, and you
got excited about that thought because first of all, you wanted something physical that you could do for yourself. I think that--
And that's what you came up with.
I think that I feel like I'm in a pretty lengthy but very purposeful personal transition. Been in it for awhile
and I hope to always be in transition, right, but I
kinda have a little bit more, last few years have been, the last decade has
been pretty interesting in terms of figuring out
who is it that I want to be? What do I want my life to be defined by? And I do think that some
of that has come in, come more into focus in the past few years and so I think that this is
just, this feels like sort of an alignment as you try
to grab things in your life and align them towards something. An outward sign of an inward commitment. Yes like baptism that we
learned about growing up. And now, I will also say that there
are, because I am a person who's on camera and I do
care about my appearance, I cannot help but think, oh, but it's also kinda cool to try something. I haven't done this, I haven't grown my hair and my beard out. I wanna see what happens. Let's see what I can turn into physically, like a completely superficial perspective that I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that oh this is all about
embodiment and being in the heart and that's why I wanna
look like I'm at Woodstock. No, it's also, I mean,
there's a reason that, it's kinda cool. You look at those pictures and
those people were kinda cool, right, and so, I understand that that's, that is a potential pitfall
in this whole process is that because it is
about an external thing and then that could
become some driving force and then I'm actually trying to be cool or thinking that I'm cool and then I'm kinda working
against the whole thing. Right, can you have your
cake and smoke it too? Because if this was not,
this is not about humility, 'cause I think we're all
very clear on the fact that if this was about
humility, I would shave my head and shave my beard and I
would look like the end of a pencil, like an eraser. And I don't have a chin
that's worth talking about, and I just, I would not look, for some reason I did
that on my wedding day, yes, but I didn't look good,
and it would not be attractive to the average person. And so if I wanted to
be humble I would do, that's more like a
Buddhist tradition, right, is to shave it all off, you're kinda, you're dying to yourself. You're becoming more like
this other community. There's less things that distinguish you from another person so
the ego continues to die. I mean this is something that's
in many different religions but I think the Buddhists
have it figured out the most. And this ego death thing, right, and so I am interested in ego death. And continuing to tear apart
my ego that is a source of a lot of my problems. But growing out your beard and hair is not going
to contribute to that. I'm not, right. It might do the opposite.
It might do the opposite. Because I agree, I think
you're gonna look cooler. It's someone who doesn't care but cares so much about,
could be caring so much about not seeming like he cares. That's cool. And in this town especially where there's all types of people doing different things physically and they all look like
they're trying really hard, even the people who look
like they're not trying. Literally the only people who look like they're not trying are the
homeless people to be frank. And sometimes you see
somebody in Silverlake and you're like, homeless or hipster? It's a game you can play. And because there's a fine line. And because you know, the
unkempt beard and hair and ratty clothes could
be like a cool thing in certain cultures. So I'm a little nervous about that. I will also say that I cannot guarantee that there will not be some other project or something that we commit ourselves to that means that I can't
let it keep growing, that I have to cut it for some reason. I don't know what that is. I have determined that the
typical stuff that we do, Good Mythical Morning, whatever, is not going to be significantly impacted by me growing my hair and my beard out. Now I'm gonna continue to
get more food on my beard when I eat and eating is
a big part of our show. You gotta get better at that. But I am trimming, so I tried to just send the mustache
sideways but the nature of my hair is that it's so wiry and even with the strongest
mustache wax I could find, it quickly goes back down so I
will be trimming the mustache is the only thing I plan to
trim, at least for awhile. I'm not gonna try to be shaping
the beard into something that's like, oh that guy goes
and gets his beard trimmed. Maybe I'll do that at some point but this is really just
about what's gonna happen. But you're doing it,
just to re-center here and just to couch the
challenge that faces you. You're doing this in order to care less about how you're perceived. I would say that is a secondary reason. I think that this is a
physical manifestation of something I'm trying
to manifest internally. Which is being more
present, more out of my head and into my heart. So as more hair grows out of your head, that's a reminder, I'm getting
a little too technical huh? Yeah it's not like some super, I didn't go up to the top of the mountain and wait for a sign. It wasn't like some, I
had a dream and it is to never cut my hair again. That's not what's going on. It's just like hey, there's
a few things lining up here. I guess when you really
try to summarize it, I'm trying to be more, get
more in touch with my feelings or say it different way, be more, live more from my heart than my head. Therefore I'm letting my hair grow out. If you just told somebody
that, it wouldn't-- I think I disagree with you, because I think that if
you think about somebody, if you just talk about
that idea of embodiment and you use the example of like what was, and I realize that the cultural revolution that happened in the '60s and the '70s was kinda rebelling against conformity and societal expectations and that's one of the reasons people are
growing their hair out because it was like well
men are not supposed to grow their hair out
so we're gonna do that 'cause it's counter-culture. But I think that that whole awakening and sort of being present
and being in the moment that kinda came with embracing
some eastern philosophies, I think there's a reason that you, there is a reason that you
picture somebody when you, you see somebody with a
military-style hair cut that's like all kinda
like perfectly shaped and clean-shaven and stuff like that. That doesn't say to you that
person's living in their heart. I'm not saying--
Okay yeah. It's superficial because
obviously you could have no hair and be in your heart.
Yeah, inward focus versus outward focus. Yeah.
Your own disposition. Yeah.
And then so, and then one example like you're saying, a secondary thing of an outward focus would be people's perception of you. So then the thing given
our line of work is that you're gonna get more feedback, having changed my hairstyle
drastically a couple of times, I weathered the storm of
a cavalcade of feedback. It draws more attention so it's like, you're gonna have to weather that. And a lot of that, some
of that will be negative. The reason why I'm staying
out of this is 'cause first of all it's not my
place to give an opinion. This is something that's... For obvious reasons that we've
discussed for 40 minutes. But also, I'm not opposed to it because I don't think it's
gonna make you less cool, but I could be wrong and at that point, there may need to be an intervention. But for now, I'm... I'm quietly supportive from the sidelines. I don't know how--
But how are you gonna weather the storm of increased scrutiny? You're gonna be replying to comments? You're gonna be posting
selfies of beard progress? I mean potentially yeah,
that second on that. I'm not gonna be replying to comments. What are you talking about? People's critical comments? I'm just saying if this
is an inward focus, there's gonna be a temptation because there's gonna be so
much outward perception-- Yeah you might say why didn't
you just let this happen instead of talking about it? Well it's like you're
already talking about it. Not you but--
But now what's the plan moving forward?
Ear Biscuiteer. Are we gonna keep talking about, are you gonna post selfies
of your beard growth because that seems, that seems
a little counter to your-- I don't have to post
selfies of my beard growth because my beard growth
is gonna be cataloged through all the work that we do. I was giving a working
example of just trying to highlight the challenge that faces you. The more you wanna focus inward, the more people are gonna focus on what you've done different outwardly. I personally don't, I'm not a huge fan when people talk about things in the way that I've talked about it today. I'm just like just keep
that to yourself, brah. But the reason that I'm
talking about it is because, if I grow my hair and my beard out, there will be just lots of speculation. Like oh, they have a project. In fact I've already seen it. They have a project and
that's why Rhett's doing this. He's gonna be some character in something that they're doing. A lot of people thought
that my fake beard was back because my real beard long, especially with my
mustache kinda brushed out to the side looked a
lot like my fake beard. So people are like, he
shaved his beard off. And it's like, if you're gonna speculate, at least you can know and
maybe be even supportive of what my actual reason is. You didn't see any speculative comments that went something like, I bet this is an outward
expression of an inward reality as a result of investing
himself in therapy. Yeah I didn't expect that, that's why I'm talking about it. Yeah you're not seeing any of that yet. And I'm also, I'm a huge advocate for it. I'm a huge advocate for therapy for people who think they don't need it. 'Cause that was me, you
know what I'm saying? For people who are like, I don't have an acute mental problem or emotional problem
or even an acute trauma that I'm trying to work through. I'm just a person, just a human. And I realize that therapy is a privilege. The fact that I can pay
for it, I can afford it. Not everybody can do that. I'm just saying that for
me, and it also seems like the most Los Angeles thing that you can possibly
talk about is therapy. I get all that, I grew up in Buies Creek, you know what I'm saying? I still understand what that's about. But I want, because
it's been so significant to tackle these things personally, I just wanna continue to
be an advocate for it. So I wanna be open about it, I
wanna be vulnerable about it, I wanna talk about the
changes that are taking place. So somebody else can
learn before they turn 40 that hey, this stuff is very
much worth dealing with. Now. I appreciate that. So when you see my long
hair, long bearded self, you can just remember , I should go to therapy. Yeah I really appreciate you sharing that. It makes it really difficult
for me to make fun of you but I'm still gonna try. Also can you find me a therapist? I just, you know it's like, it's not easy. Yeah.
Of course I haven't really tried. I mean I've-- You don't have to--
I'm very much in favor of it but it's such a daunting
task to get off the dime. I'm afraid that something,
I'm gonna have to, I don't know, something
horrible's gonna have to happen for me to say I have to get a therapist and that's not, I don't
want that to be the case. You can, there's many different resources that you can go and look at, in fact, this wasn't gonna be my rec-- Oh let's go to a rec. And I don't--
And make this it. I guess it's psychology.com? Which we've actually, I think
we've used several articles from psychology.com. Psychology.com? You can go on psychology.com, go type in where you're
at and what you need and what specific specialty
you're interested in and then therapists in your area, their profiles will come
up and there's a little bit of information about them and then links to their personal website if they have one and their contact information, including the insurance that they accept. So yeah, and I'm sure
there's other resources. Again, this is not a
sponsor, this is just a rec and I actually recommended
it to somebody else recently and so I don't know where there's a specific section for that. The website looks like
it's from 19 frickin' 91. Yeah, you know, you don't
have to be new school. But yeah I think that there is a-- Therapist directory, yeah that'd be good. Yeah therapist directory. And a lot of therapists
in your area will come up as you put in your
information and then you can, the ones that support,
take your insurance, I guess you can just call 'em or email 'em and tell them what you're after. You can see pictures of
people if you're the kind of person that needs to
see a picture of someone to know what it's gonna be
like to sit across from them. I had another rec and
I'll just save that one. Save it man, this is a good one. Let's see, what should my
therapist specialty be? ADD, addiction, adolescent,
adults, aging, agoraphobia. I'm not even through the As.
You're just in the As. Yeah there's a lot. You don't even necessarily
have to specify a specialty. Yeah there's lots of, I mean-- You are an adult, you
could just put adult. Adults.
Or you could go to a children's therapist,
see how that goes. I just put adults. I thought you went to
a children's therapist. He also, yeah, he does
family and kids as well. Yeah you made a joke about something you're actually doing. All right, #EarBiscuits, let us know what, we gotta title this one therapy and, what does therapy have
to do with Rhett's hair? You know, I appreciate the fact that we had a great discussion. Oh I think why am I growing my hair out is probably more clickable though. It wasn't--
That's what we're, that's what we're trying to do here. I'm so glad this was meaningful and not just about your hair actually. Oh.
What a relief. Well thank you. I'm proud of us, I'm proud of you. Me too, Link. All right I'm really trying to feel. I'm trying to be in my heart.
What do you feel right now? I feel--
I feel like this is over. Yeah. To watch more Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous
episode of Ear Biscuits, click on the playlist to the left. And don't forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it's available on all your
favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your Mythical best.
If you watch GMM this video may be more thought-provoking because Rhett is a very personable, clever, fun person on the show. This is, I'd guess, a more honest portrayal of who he is and I have never heard more apt descriptions of how it feels. Entering "performance mode" for other people, or seeing other people's big life moments as merely a "commercial" to you.
lmaoo
Yea Rhetts explanation of how he navigates certain topics definitely resonates with myself. He seems to be a clear Ti user. A commercial with some army parent surprising their kid will get the water works going but crying for myself is uncommon.
True