Today we're talking about why INFJs are
rejecting love without even knowing it. As INFJs, we feel like we
understand others really well. We can give them what they need. We
can make 'em feel understood and loved. But it's a completely different
thing when it is all about us, when it's about us being
understood, us being loved. And so we always try to explain ourselves. We think that if we just are the way
we are, nobody's going to get us. Nobody's going to appreciate us, but we have to understand
that it all starts with us. If we ourselves believe that we
are not worthy of love the way that we are without doing anything
for anybody else, or you know, creating things for others, but just being until we honestly
know that and feel that and concentrate on that, then we cannot accept love for who
we truly are. We might get love for the facade we're putting up
for the image we're creating. We might get love for what
we're doing for other people, but we can't accept love for who we are. So today we're going to answer the
question why INFJs are rejecting love so often and how to change that process.
Before we get started, I wanna remind you, if you wanna take one more step in loving
yourself and being able to accept love from the outside, then join our amazing
INFJ Epic Life Bootcamp community. The next live round launches May 4th. And one of the things we really
hone into is making sure that we are taking care of ourselves,
that we're loving ourselves, and are allowing other people to come
into our life who are feeding our soul. I hope many of you join us on this amazing
journey. Everything you need to know, you can find in the links in description, you can join the waiting list to get
access to the early BUR prize. And we're also going to have a free masterclass
here on YouTube May 4th. All the links, as I mentioned, are in the description.
I see you there. Reason number one, why NF Js reject love without knowing
it is because we have a really hard time setting boundaries. Boundary setting is
the first and most crucial step here. 'cause the thing we do is we merch with
other people because we wanna take in their energy. But what we don't understand at this
moment is that we are giving up on ourselves. It's great to do that in order
to make another person feel seen. It's great in order for us to absorb
new information and new energy and new emotions, but we always have to make sure that
we figure out what it is that makes us feel good independent of who's around us. We have to create that level of
self-love in a vacuum because only then we can really make choices that
are based on is this energy that I'm allowing in going to help me be
more of who I wanna be? Or is it taking me away from that
version of myself that I like? The entire reason why we're doing this, besides the fact that there's so
much information we're getting, is that we believe that
the only way we are lovable and we deserve love is if we
are something for other people. If we do something for other people, and we do this even at the
expense of our own sense of self, and this is the most crucial point
we have to define for ourselves who we want to be
independent of anybody else, and to really stick to
that no matter what, there has to be a part of us
that is never up for debate. And very often as INFJs, we figure
this out through trial and error, through pain that we recognize I
cannot allow that much energy into my space. But of course it has a lot to
do with the fact that I don't believe I deserve love just by me being
me. And that's something we have to change. And once we start that process, once we allow ourselves to
choose ourselves and to say, I'm going to water my own grass, I'm going to make sure that I flourish
and I'm going to show myself love, I have to, even if I don't
believe it at this moment, start creating energy
for me that feeds me, that says, you are good and worthy and
great the way you are already just by you being you. And therefore I'm going to make
sure that you feel your best. Because every single time
we merge with other people, specifically in friendships and
romantic relationship with parents and so on, like relationships that can be very
intimate where there's a lot of energetic exchange. If we don't make sure to protect
ourselves and really define who we are, there's nobody who can give us love.
It's just not possible because nobody will ever get who you are. It's not on them because it's not about
others understanding you and you are being this mystery. And then they themselves go
on this journey of figuring
ourselves out and we'll protect our boundaries. It's not possible because the only way
a person can protect our boundaries is if we define where
our boundaries are at. We have to be before anything else,
separate individuals. Reason number two, why IN fjs reject love without even
knowing it is because we're not expressing ourselves. It's as simple as that. If you are not expressing
who you truly are, nobody can like you, nobody can love you because
nobody has any chance of seeing what you want, what you are about and
how to treat you. And we as IF chase, have an extremely hard time with this
because expressing ourselves means being vulnerable for the world
to see that we're different. Yes, we can express ourselves
in some social situations, but if we would really
express all that we are, as much as we are capable
at from this point of view, then of course people recognize
that we're just different. There's something off that
person is maybe a threat. That person is completely
independent and therefore not able to be manipulated. They're not in need of what most
people are in need of and therefore I don't know how to work around them. I
don't know what to do with this. INFJ. And this is something that
is crucial for us, IN fjs, to understand this switch
of expressing ourselves. And I mean our true self. This
includes we can be called, this means we can be detached. This means we have this foresight
and we have thoughts that people are not going to get right away. This choice of leaning towards that
version of ourselves is like an on off switch.
Once you decide to go there, there's pretty much no going back because
once you start expressing yourself, it's like you've shown
the world who you are. And the first thought most
INFJs have is now it's over. Nobody's ever going to love
me, but it's still worth doing. And I'm going to tell you why.
Because at the end of the day, it comes down to this question, am I going to be rather liked
for somebody that I'm not, for facade I'm putting on? Or do I wanna be disliked
for who I truly am? And the answer is always the
latter because once you say, I'm willing to take the
risk, I'm going to choose me, I'm going to show up the way I am, you give yourself permission to be loved. There is no way for you to be loved
if you are not expressing who you are. People cannot know who you are
if they don't know what you are about, what you think,
how you see the world. Even you as an INFJ who can
read people so perfectly, the only way why you can do this
is because they express themselves one way or another. It's not just body
language, it's the way they speak. It's the choices they
make all of that, right? You see the uniqueness in
that. You see the individual, you have the right to be seen
as an individual as well. And I've gone through this process
myself and I know how hard it is because it really doesn't feel like,
yeah, it's going to be okay. Everybody's going to love me. In many
cases you really believe if I do this, nobody else is going to love me. But
if you really are making this choice, you also understand that
there is no other choice. Because if you are not being yourself, you automatically never being loved. And you understand that sooner or later
you know that it's always conditional on what you're doing and you will always
feel disconnected because others are feeling understood. Others feel like
the world is opening up to them. But you, what is there about you? You are not the things you do
that is the cherry on top you the way you are without doing
anything for others, just being. Uh, already worth of being loved.
So if you make that choice, you'll automatically start feeling better. Not only because you start expressing
yourself and you allow other people to see you. It's not only that, it's the fact that it relieves your soul. We are taking in so much
energy, we have to let it out. There is no other way. You know,
if you continuously take on energy, we get into the NITI
loop, we get depressed, it gets really heavy, and there is no soul left of us. We absorb everything until the
point. There is nothing left of us. So the moment you start
expressing yourself, it's like you've taken
in this information, you've made your own conclusions about it, and now you express it back into
the world. You give rapport, you allow the world to see how you
interpret it, all that information. And the best thing about it is that
it frees your soul. It pushes away energy that doesn't belong there. It makes room for your own
energy to emerge and it will make you feel so much lighter. We don't
even have to fill ourselves up. So actively just release that stuff
that you've taken in and allow new energy to emerge. Reason number three, why IN fjs are rejecting love without
even knowing it is because we're choosing what we want now versus
what we want most. As INFJs, we have to understand that it feels
really good to connect with others. It feels good to merge with them. It
feels good to pick up that energy, but it's not going to get
us to where we want to be. So much of this is going on in our
mind, but is it making us happy? Most of the time it's not. It's what we
think is going to happen. But you know, we've lived a couple of years now.
We know that this doesn't work. We have to make sure that we're choosing
the things that make a difference in our life. Long-term. That's
what the INFJ mind is all about. We have the capacity to think long-term. So let's make this happen. Look at the
things that you're looking for right now. What are they? Maybe it's
love, maybe it's excitement, maybe it's security. And we're
choosing the easy way out. So often because the bigger picture, the thing that's going to give us
real peace is a lot more work and it's going to take a lot more time. But this is exactly what we have to do
because the moment we choose what we want most over what we want, now we're saying I love myself
because I deserve better. No matter what I'm getting here, I'm making the choice that I love myself
and therefore I'm creating a life that makes me love myself.
It's not that we need to take action in order to be worthy of love. It's that we very often are not
making choices that show ourselves, oh, you deserve this. And every single time you do something
that shows you that you deserve love, it becomes ingrained. It's like this feedback
loop that tells you, yes, I deserve to be loved because I'm taking
care of myself and I believe that this is a good thing. I see how much better I feel about
it and therefore the people around me can also do the same. I'm teaching myself how
I deserve to be treated. We do this in bootcamp as well. We know that we have to first focus
on our physical energy management in order to have as much energy as possible
because doing the things that are going to make the biggest impacts on our
life are going to be hard work. They're not going to be easy for us. And I'm not even talking
about like being a workaholic. It's the mental load that is
required to make those shifts. It's new pathways that have to be
created or they have to be engaged even more. So we have to make sure that we
always prioritize what we want most over what we want. Now, we might get this great hit by helping
somebody when in the end we're just enabling them. Or by staying
in a toxic relationship. And you know, there's always this back and forth because
there's a trauma bond happening that feels great in the moment. It
doesn't feel good long term. And we are igs, we can think long term. So let's use this to our advantage.
Decide for yourself what you want. So one of the ways is to
do this through bootcamp. So we really define things in physical
energy management, in our relationships, in our prosperity, in our purpose. And then we use
priority management to focus on the things we want most. And it's
not just about defining them, it's really taking action. And that's
when we get to reason number four, why IN fjs reject love
without even knowing it. We are not taking action
towards our IFJ epic life. We're just not. And there are a couple
of reasons for that. Number one, the moment you start creating your life,
you really showing your underbelly. You're saying to the world, this
is who I am now. It's undeniable. People see it, and we cannot wait for
somebody to do this for us. Very often we project this
because it's our last function. It's really hard for us to take action
on who we are because there's, you know, uncertainty in that. And once we take
action towards creating our vision, there is no way back. 'cause now we've made ourselves visible.
But there are two things that are happening here. On the one hand, the more you create who
you are in the real world. So we're really talking
about setting boundaries, we're talking about creating a life that
creates more abundance and prosperity for you. We're talking about creating a life
that is bringing purpose to your life. All of those things, when we start creating
that life in concrete ways, people see who we are, way more.
We're not explaining ourselves, we're not merging with them, we're
just saying, this is who I am. Now it's more visible for you, but that's not the main
reason why we should do this. The main reason why we should do
this is because we create a life that allows us to live our own energy. We create space for us. We
take up space in the world. And the more space you
take up in the world, you are giving yourself space
to really flourish. And the more you flourish, the more
you feel yourself love, the more excitement you
experience through being yourself and the more people would
be able to give love to you. You'll be surprised how many people
will see you worth and will appreciate you once you start appreciating
yourself and saying, I'm going to water my own
grass. Reason number five, why we I njs are rejecting
love without even knowing. It is because we're not setting
goals outside of a singular person. So many of us want people in our
surrounding to understand who we are. We have goals and we have
ideas how we can change them. We have goals and ideas,
how we could help them, how we can make an impact on the world. But it's always based on
that person listening to you, that person understanding
you. And when you do this, you're not giving yourself the
ability to really make an impact that is based on what you want.
Because every single time there's another person involved and you're focusing
your entire energy on them, then it's on them to make that
choice. And if they are not ready, if they're not able, if they're
not in need or want to change, we get stuck feeling
like we've given our all and it was for nothing. We feel depleted, we have nothing left to give
and it just is heartbreaking. But if you understand that there's always
this part of you that wants to give something to the world, that wants
to help in one way or another, make the world a better place, then find an outlet that is
independent of a singular person. So you can say, I'm helping in this way. Who here wants to have that energy as
well? If you wanna be part of that energy, these are my boundaries, but I'm not changing who I am.
I'm not changing my way of showing up, I'm not changing my archetype
in order to fit your needs. I can make some switches here and there, but the core of who I want
to be will stay the same. This is also one of the pillars we
focus in on in bootcamp because if you wanna create a healthy
outlet for your gift for who you are, you have to make sure that there's
a part of you that is never up for debate. And if you are basing your
help on the singular person, when you see them and you know there's
some trauma bond happening and you feel like the only way I can reach
them is if I deviate from who I am too much, you're never going to get in a
position where you will allow true love because that love is based on you
showing up in a way that is not healthy for you. You're saying
to that person, you deserve love, you deserve to make sure that you're
good. That's what you're saying to them. But what they're seeing is you
don't think that about yourself. You think it's totally fine to give
everything to somebody else and not make sure that you are fine. So people are not looking for
what you're saying to them. They're looking at who you are. And if you yourself are not
making sure that you are healthy, that you're happy, that you
give yourself energy first. And I'm not talking about giving yourself
enough energy to barely keep your head above water and saying, yeah, I
can take it. I can take your pain, I can be a martyr. No, I'm talking
the real thing. I'm talking happiness, abundance, creativity, all of that. Like really shining through
and then helping somebody. Then they can use you as an inspiration.
They can see, oh see that I of J is choosing
themselves and they're doing it in a way that allows me to
choose myself as well. As you see in the end, it always
comes down to us choosing us. We have to make sure that we love
ourselves first because only then we can give people the
opportunity to love us as well. That's the only way we can
allow true love into our lives. Remember, if you wanna join our amazing community
who's making those things happen and is encouraging each other and it's a
really safe space where you feel seen and protected and encouraged at
the same time, then you know, join our amazing NFG Epic Life
Bootcamp community. We launch May 4th. So this Saturday we're going to have
a free masterclass here on YouTube. The link is in the description
and if you join the waiting list, you're going to get
access to the early prize. Everything else you might want to know, you can find in the
links in the description. And if you wanna watch another video now
that is in aligned with today's topic, then watch the video you see on the screen
right now. I see you in the next one. Bye guys.
