Today we're talking about five
shocking INFJ traits that leave others astonished. Because the thing
is this, yes, INFJs are intense. INFJs have qualities that are very
rare, but at the end of the day, shouldn't that be something that most
people just don't care about because everybody's so focused on their
own life? Well, that's the theory, but in reality, once somebody
actually meets an INFJ, they have an interaction with an INFJ.
There's always this moment of shock of, oh, that person is different.
That person has an effect on me, and it really makes other people have
a strong reaction towards the INFJ. Today we're talking about the five most
shocking traits INFJ possess that leave others astonished. And we're going to talk about if this
is something that we should embrace, if this is something we
should even question, and how are we going to move forward
from that? Before we get started, I'm happy to announce that the next
INFJ Epic Life Bootcamp is launching November 4th. So make sure to join the wait list now
so you get access to the early book price and get notified once we go live. If you want to find out
more about the bootcamp, check out the link in the description
and download the free poster on the five pillars to an INFJ Epic Life,
which is the basis of the bootcamp. Everything you need to know, you can
find in the links in the description. Shocking trait number one, withstanding
social pressure. So on the one hand, INFJ can very much absorb
other people's emotions. They can get attached to other people.
And when this happens, of course, how they feel about us, how they react, all of that has a strong impact on us.
But what I'm talking about here is that we might be influenced by how
other people feel about us, but what we can withstand very well
is the social pressure of you should be this. You should act like
this. And on top of that, we're so consciously aware of that,
that we can actually verbalize it, we can talk about it. We can see,
oh, everybody is playing this game. Everybody is following
those popular people. Everybody is pretending to be a
certain way in order to fit in. They're playing by the unspoken rules. They're doing everything in order to
fit into this box that doesn't exist. And I can actually look outside into
it and know, okay, that's a game. Why are they all pretending this is
not real? This is a social construct. Well, most people are not aware of this. Most people are not able to step out of
that because the social inclusion need when it comes to such a big
group is more developed. And you can see this with yourself
as well. So our inclusion needs, they peak when we're teenagers
in our early twenties. That's how it is for everybody. And
so you know that there's a difference. You know how you feel now and you know
how you felt when you were younger, and that's the kind of difference you
can imagine between yourself and other people. Of course, maybe
not to such an extent, but you get the picture.
And so if you think back, there were certain things
you weren't even aware. Of, certain things you didn't
question, it just felt bad. And we don't have that in so many
ways. We can really stand on our own. We can be our own person, we can go our own way and others
cannot because the pain that they feel psychologically is too big for
that. Okay, but that being said, why is that a shocking trait? Why is that something that
people even think about? Well, it makes people uncomfortable because
they see that there's another way and they cannot take it. If you have an
interaction with somebody subconsciously, you always think they're going to
react. Similarly how you would react, because you see everything
through your lens. So automatically there's this filter
and you're not even questioning it. It's like you're in water. You're not thinking about the fact that
there's also a way to be above water in air and so on. And that's how it
is with people who live by those rules, who live by
those social constructs. They expect you to follow certain rules, and that's the way they behave towards
you. They look at you and they think, oh, well, that's a person who obviously
doesn't have as many friends as I do. That's a person who's obviously
not as popular as I am. Let's neglect the fact that INFJ never
wanted to be popular to begin with. But those are the things that go
on through the other person's mind. So they automatically assume you
would want to be friends with them. You look up to them, you want them
to be your leader or whatever it is. And the INFJ just doesn't
care. The INFJ is really, really good at standing on their
own, going down their own path, and they want others to do the same
because guess what? That's our filter. That's how we see the world. And so if
we're not consciously thinking about it, we automatically think that person also
wants to stand on their own ground, wants to go their own path, and they will accept me and
respect me for me going mine. Well, that's not the case. And so there's always some kind of
shock moment when the other person recognizes, oh, I thought the
INFJ will react a certain way. I thought I would have
power over them and I don't. And that is something that
leaves a lot of people shocked. That leaves a lot of people
astonished and baffled, and many of them have a really
strong negative reaction. And there is some kind of
underlying fear that's going on. And you will feel this as an
INFJ, hopefully the older you get, you recognize this early on and
you actually don't even engage with people so much that are acting this way.
The way to do that is of course, to invest more in yourself,
be even more of who you are. Not even making it a question
of, am I like them or am I not? You are obviously not like them. That's
exactly what you love about yourself. That's what you live,
that's what you preach. That's how your entire life is set up.
And the more you choose that path going, your INFJ Epic life journey, you
recognize it's better for you. You have less and less contact
with people who think differently. And so you'll have those
reactions of way less often. Trait number two, the
INFJ dares to go deep. The INFJ has a very strong sense of self
when it comes to how much an INFJ can actually give of themselves, how much they can hollow themselves out
for others. There's always this core that is really hard to
shake. So I always say, just because INFJ is
are great at surviving, that doesn't mean that that's
the road we should take. We are really good at giving everything
for everybody else and still being able to keep our head above
water. But when you're doing this, all your energy is really fleeting. The only thing you keep to
yourself is the bare minimum. And this is something that makes
a lot of people very uncomfortable because they actually see, oh, the
INFJ can give so much of themselves. They can be very vulnerable with me. They can put all of
their energy towards me, and they don't need that much
for themselves. In a lot of ways, this is a superpower for INFJs
because once this happens, other people firstly get into the
situation where they recognize, oh, the INFJ might need me less than
I need them. That makes people uncomfortable, that keeps them
astonished and a little shook. And on top of that, they really get anxious because they
don't know what the INFJ is about. Most people get an understanding of who
they're dealing with by other people's boundaries, by their reactions, by when they have crossed certain
areas that the other person isn't comfortable with. It's that reaction
that gives you the feedback of, oh, that's what the other person
is about. And you as an INFJ, you actually know this feeling because
we are observers and one of the ways we actually get to know somebody is to take
a step back and allow people to shine, allow them to live out their selves
more and more in your presence and feel comfortable because that way we
actually understand who they are, what they're about, what their strengths
are, what their weaknesses are, and so on. And so once the
INFJ really starts going deep, on the one hand it might seem
like, oh, we're being vulnerable. But on the other hand, it
makes people very nervous. It makes them nervous because they
see you actually don't need to protect yourself so much. You're
still okay with who you are. It's also something that doesn't
allow people to really get to know you because just because you're vulnerable, you're not really showing
them what your weaknesses are. You don't show them when you are going
to get aggressive or uncomfortable or when you are going to hit back. See, we as INFJs very often think when we
go deep with people really fast because it's also one of our passions. We're
being vulnerable, but we're not really, because we're actually not saying
like, oh, I don't like that. I don't like how you acted
here and really show them when. Get mad at something or when we get
really sad or whatever it may be. There's always this protection layer. And so this is a trade that
makes people very shocked. And this is one of the reasons why INFJs
get ghosted so often or why they have in the past, because people might have an instant
connection with you because you are allowing them to be more of
themselves, but in the end, there is no security there. You
are not showing them who you are, so they don't know what they're
about. And this is super scary, and so therefore, people
actually take a step back. It is something that is very shocking
to other people and very hard to digest. So we have to on the one
hand, understand that yes, this is something that might
make people uncomfortable, but it's something that is also deep
to our heart. And because of that, we actually have to be careful who we
share that with because so many people have seen that part of us that is
something that we actually love about ourselves and have hurt us
because they cannot handle it. So it's on us to understand, oh,
I have to protect myself. Yes, people will actually see
what I get mad about. People will actually see that
I don't like certain things, and I'm just going to go deep with people
who have actually earned that, right? Not because we couldn't handle it, but because we don't want to
live in survival mode anymore. We want to live in thriving mode. We
want to live in INFJ, epic life mode, and that means that we're not leaving
ourselves open and connecting with people who don't deserve that connection because
then we create a connection that is not based on who we truly are, but that is based on who we have to
pretend to be in order for others to be okay with that connection so they
sort of feel safe when in the end it's been a facade all along. Think about how
often you've actually made connections with people and you've dimmed your light.
So it's on us to say, I'm choosing me. I'm not going to go into survival mode.
I'm going to go into thriving mode, I N F G, epic Life Bootcamp and say, I'm going to choose me
and I'm going to thrive, and I'm going to live out
my biggest and best self, and I'm going to shine bright. And if people accept that part
of me and can handle that part of me, then they're deserving of me creating
a connection with them based on who I really am, because only that can make
you feel a true connection. Anyway, shocking trait number three,
having a single future focus. So this is something that a lot
of people have a hard time with, and it shocks them once they see that
this is really going on. The INFJ is an NI personality, meaning we have an image of that's
how the future is going to be. And that doesn't necessarily mean
that it's something positive. It can be that we wholeheartedly believe
that person and us we're going to be a great match, and in the end, we're not. It can be that we are really set out
to be the bigger person in a situation, whatever it is. It's really
hard for us to let go of that, and that's not something
that is negative or positive, but it's on us to understand that
this is first off, shocking to people. They cannot understand how you can be
so sure of something when it hasn't happened yet, right? We are so set on,
oh, I'm going to get that scholarship. I'm going to get that job. I'm going to
continue this path because in our mind, we already have created that future.
This in itself can be a great tool. This can be something that is going to
help you achieve everything you ever wanted, this sole future minus of I'm
not looking left and right. I'm not thinking, oh, this could not work out or this could not
work out if I have decided some things are going to work out,
I'm holding onto it. That makes people very uncomfortable. It's shocking to people how you can be
so sure of something that hasn't happened yet, but because of that, you
can create amazing things. What we have to keep in mind though
is that this trade is twofold. So yes, on the one hand, it's amazing,
but on the other hand, you will hold on to things
that are not healthy for you, things that are not realistic.
I've done this so many times, and that's why I always say to INFJ, you have to double check a little bit.
You have to tap into extroverted thinking. You have to really stop yourself
and look at externally observable facts. So I've had years where
I held onto a vision, oh, me and that person, we're
going to make it happen. Like there's a future between us.
This is going to work out perfectly. This is happening. And if I was looking
at the externally observable facts, I would've known, well, this person
doesn't really want to hang out with you. Yes, you might've had a connection, but for some reason they
don't want to be in your life. And if I would've done that double check, I wouldn't have spent so many years down
that rabbit hole that wasn't leading me anywhere. And it's actually the single
future focused mindset that shocks people. But again, it's something that has the ability
for you to create something amazing, something out of the ordinary, something that other people would
never have the persistency to achieve. All we have to do
is just to make sure that we have externally observable
facts that back our story. That's all it is. You don't have
to spend too much time there. Just make little checks here. And there are things really working out
in the direction that I'm planning them. Are we making progress? Is this something that I could
tell another person and they could externally observe? Trade number four, the INFJ is incredibly mysterious.
So we already talked about it. INFJs can hollow themselves
out. INFJs can be the observer. They like to do that in order
to get to know another person. But this is something that makes
people very uncomfortable at first. It's intriguing. It's something
that draws in people's attention. They want to know what's
going on, but with time, they recognize that they don't know
anything about you. And this is something that makes people very uncomfortable.
It's something that shocks people. It's something that evokes strong
reactions. If you are asking yourself, why are people reacting
so strongly towards me? It's not just because we're different. It's not just because we do things
that other people don't. Yes, it's part of it. But a huge aspect of that is the fact
that they don't know anything about us. And when they don't
know anything about us, they can build up this image
in their mind of who we are. And it's actually one of our skills to
do that because that's how we create connection. But it's not honest connection in a way
of it doesn't give you that much people like you for the person you pretend to
be and not for the person that you truly are. And so you always feel a
disconnect. And at some point, your true colors always come out.
At some point, people see that you're
very strong. At some point, people see that you are
very smart. At some point, they see that you're not
just like a supporting role, that you have very strong
ideas and a very strong mind. And that's when people
really understand, oh, I thought you were somebody different. And that's when you have
those strong reactions. So it's on us to just understand that
people in general don't know what you're about. If you are
not sharing of yourself, that doesn't mean that you have to go
outside into the world and tell everybody, oh, I'm really interested
in personal development. I'm all about this political party. I'm all about this approach
to this big topic in society. You don't have to do that. You just have to understand that if you
have people in your life and you know that they have a different understanding
of certain things than you, and you keep it hidden, at some point, it will come out.
You don't have to bring it up. But to know that if you don't
want to keep walking on eggshells, it makes it easier. If you share a
little bit more of what you believe in, what you like, and you really
leave it to the others to decide, is this somebody that I want to have in
my life? Because think of it like this, maybe there's a person who has a
different political view than you, and you still like them. You
still want them in your life, although they have a different political
view. So what do most INFJs do? They don't talk about this topic because
they don't want to voice what their political view is. And then the other person might
have a really strong reaction, might dislike them and so on.
But think about the situation. You like this person, although they have
a different political view than you, then wouldn't you want people in your
life who if they have a different political view, they accept and respect you for yours?
So it really comes down to us saying, yeah, it
shocks people, but that's okay. I rather want to be a little bit
more transparent here so people can actually choose to like me for who I am. Because the alternative is that
they never really get to know you. And when people don't really
get to know you trust, you'll never feel like
they're your true friends. They will always be sort of like
somebody that you're helping, but you never feel like that is
somebody who's on eye level with you. And you both consciously decide to
take on that friendship, for example. And the fifth and last trait we're going
to talk about today is the fact that the INFJ is incredibly strong-minded. So we are not ESTPs, we are not the people who
can be working, working, working all the time from a physical
standpoint. But what we are really good at is to be really strong-minded,
meaning we get into bad situations. We can keep our head on straight. We can master a situation
when it's in crisis, and this is when we shine.
And because of that, we very often actually attract
situations that need our help. We're attracting people who are always
in crisis mode so we can help them fix things and so on. And very often
when we attract people like this, we don't want to make them feel weak.
It's always this situation of, oh, we're friends, but I'm
actually helping you, but we're not really talking about it.
And when you do this, at some point, they're going to get shocked. At some
moment you have to stick up for yourself. At some point, you really feel like you've done so
much for them and they're not being appreciative. They actually didn't know
that you were doing something for them. And in the end, at some point,
your strong mind will come out. People will understand who they're
dealing with, and it's a huge shock. They didn't expect this. They would've rather thought you were
pushover somebody who's always going to go their way. And once this
happens, they recognize, oh, you're actually doing me a
favor. But the question is, do we really need to take it
this far? Like we've done this, we've done this for decades. It's
about time that we say, okay, I don't need to experience this situation
again just with another person in my life, and I will make people aware
of this from the get-go. That doesn't mean necessarily that
you have to tell that person, oh, but it's about the way you live your life. So you don't choose the path of survival
where you give all your powers to others. No, you really say, I want to
help others. I want to inspire others. I want to live a happy and fulfilled
life, but it all starts with me. I'm going to use my strong mind to
create something out of the ordinary, something that makes me proud of the
choices that I'm making for myself. And so when people come into my life,
they have to accept me for who I am, which includes the fact that I'm
a person who's very strong-minded. You deserve to be loved, liked, appreciated for all of the
traits we talked about today. So it's on us to appreciate those traits
and really use them in the best way possible. Remember, if you
want some assistance in
creating your INFJ epic life, then definitely sign up for the waiting
list for the INFJ Epic Life Bootcamp. The next route launches November 4th. You can get the free poster and
everything you need to know, you can find in the
links in the description. And if you want to watch another video
now that is in line with today's topic, then watch the video on the five ways
the INFJ breaks egos without even trying.
