If You Hear THIS From Your Long-Distance Partner... RUN!

there's a certain thing that if someone says it to you is a pretty sure sign that your long-distance relationship will not work out and I want to give you that today and also what you can do if you find yourself in this situation before we get into today's video I want to tell you about something really exciting I'm doing at the moment I'm going to explain more at the end but basically I have a brand new newsletter called the three relationships you can sign up at the three relationship ships.com I'll leave a link here this is a personal email written by me sent to you every Friday and the feedback on this so far has been amazing I've been doing it in private for my existing mailing list and people have absolutely loved it I just haven't talked about it to the world yet I've been doing it all year and it's now become one of my favorite things that I do so if you're not signed up go to the3 relationships.com and I'll tell you a little bit more about the theme of this and what it's all about at the end of the video somebody recently came to me with a question about her long-distance relationship she had been seeing someone for 7 months in that time she had been talking to him regularly pretty much every day by text or by phone she described the amazing connection they have the incredible chemistry that she felt the way that she felt the conversation was great the way she thought he was great but the reason she had brought the situation to me was because she asked him for exclusivity and he gave her an incredibly convoluted and confusing answer about where she stood with him what he was available for the fact that he wasn't quite there for a relationship but he did see them as maybe being exclusive in their Arrangement as he put it the bottom line was even I by the end of everything she said that he said felt completely and utterly bewildered by all of the language he was using and how confusing that must have been for her here's what I want us to think about if you are in a longdistance relationship then you know this to be true longdistance relationships kind of suck they are rough you go long stretches of time without seeing somebody you feel like you're not really a part of their day you have to be extra trusting because it feels like you're not really a part of each other's lives you're not experiencing regular physical intimacy which is a wonderful part of being with somebody you're hanging on constantly for the next time you're going to see them we try to enjoy life as much as possible in between but it also can feel like we are deferring our joy deferring our happiness until the next time we see them when we're going to feel complete for having this person back in our arms who would choose such a relationship if we had the choice surely we would choose someone down the street in our own town that was actually present that we could have a a relationship with so it does beg the question why would anyone choose a longdistance relationship now the answer to this question is going to shed some light on that thing that I said if you hear it the relationship won't work out and it's also going to shed some light on This Woman's situation and the wildly confusing answer that this man gave her when she asked for more so why would anybody decide to have a long-distance relationship well there are three big reasons one because that person is worth it they are both an amazing person and someone that you have something amazing with the second is because we have a scarcity mindset maybe we've been single for a while we haven't found anyone we like in a long time we've had no success in our own town or neighborhood and so when we meet someone that we feel a connection with and they happen Happ to be hours away or even a country away we think to ourselves I don't know if anyone better is going to come along I don't know if anyone is going to come along at all so I better take this as far as I can possibly take it the third reason someone would want a long-distance relationship is because it's convenient for them now why would a relationship that is inherently so inconvenient so difficult be convenient for a person well there are two possibilities on the extreme end is because they've got some kind of a double life that they don't want you to know about that it's good for you not to know about maybe there's something they don't want you to know about their lifestyle or the way they live maybe they have a relationship already maybe they're married with kids already there's something they don't want you to know and it helps them for you to be far enough away that you never find out about it the second and perhaps more common reason is because they are avoidant they don't actually want anything serious with anybody they are not looking for a relationship and it's a lot more easy to maintain these superficial connections with people who are far away because people who are far away ask less questions and feel less of a right to ask you for more because the distance creates a natural geographical excuse Oh you mean so much to me I have such an amazing time with you we have something so special it's such a shame you're so far away and it's so hard to have a relationship the distance becomes the convenient cover for their avoidance now let's look at her in this scenario and see which of the three categories she's in is she in the category of thinking someone is just really worthwhile and that's why she's having a long-distance relationship is she in a scarcity mindset or is she someone who's in this relationship because it's convenient which one do you think think we know it's not cuz it's convenient because it brings her pain and she doesn't want to be in a long-distance relationship she wants to be in a real relationship with this person where she sees him often so we know it's not number three now when I asked her this question she said it's number one I'm with this person because he's worthwhile but when I asked her why he was worthwhile she described to me all of his amazing qualities and how great their conversations were and how interesting he is and just how wonderful she thought he was as a person but not once did she describe how he made her feel so I asked her and she said well I I guess I feel great when I speak to him I said no no no not when you're speaking to him in general how does he and this relationship make you feel I know it's not positive because otherwise you wouldn't be talking to me she said well it makes me feel confused I said okay but beneath that confusion what do you feel she said frustrated said frustrated is what I feel when I can't find my shoes in the morning this is not frustration what do you feel at a deeper level cuz the truth is what she felt was hurt what she felt was in pain disappointed that someone that she really liked wasn't in the same place as her but when we feel hurt like that confusion is where we go when we don't want to confront how hurtful a situation is confusion Keeps Us in the game because as long as we're confused we're still in the game and by the way avoiders thrive on creating confusion because as long as they can keep you in that state of confusion they can keep getting what they want they're getting their needs met even though you're getting none of your needs met so what is it that if you hear it means that your long-distance relationship is unlikely to work out well it's if someone gives you a confusing answer to a simple question the question being what are we where do you see this going do you see us as a couple are we exclusive these are all simple questions when someone gives you confusing answers that's a form of misdirection that's designed to take you away from the very simple truth of this situation so when you ask those questions what is this thing here that we have if that person says don't look at that look at this rabbit that I'm pulling out of a hat oh he's wearing a little tiny hat himself look at the flowers coming out of my cane aren't these pretty I know I know there's a good there's a good rabbit but what is this thing over here what are we again so when I talked to her about all of this she said well what do I do how do I confront him about it and I said you don't have to confront him about it it's not about confrontation it's about taking your power back and to take your power back you need to start by owning your needs and what you want you want a healthy relationship with someone who wants the same things you do who can give you a simple answer about the fact that the two of you are with each other and only with each other and that you're both committed to making the relationship work it's as simple as that so this isn't a confrontation it's a statement it's just saying to the person here are my needs they're not being met in this situation and I can't keep investing in this situation while they're not being met so unless you've changed your mind about any of this I'm going to go in a different direction now that person at some that point what do you think they're going to do they're in category number three they're going to try to confuse you again they'll try and bring you back in give you a bunch of logic as to why you're being crazy or too much or why you're overthinking things and all of that will be designed to keep you in the game your job is not to be distracted by the misdirection but to see the truth of what's really going on over here thank you so much for watching before you go make sure you sign up to the three relationships newsletter what is this newsletter well I believe there are three relationships that determine the quality of our life our relationship ship with other people our relationship with ourself and our relationship with life itself and I really enjoy writing so many of you have said to me you really love my writing you're very kind to me in that respect I'm trying to improve all the time but you really enjoy learning from me in writing form so I wanted to do something every single week that was like a kind of private letter from me to you that we could have a kind of dialogue I get replies to this every week I read read the replies they're beautiful a lot of people tell me that there's so much value in these that it's amazing to them that it's free that it's just in a newsletter but my goal with this was to make something every week that you actually looked forward to as an email so that it gave you a hit of joy every time you saw my name on a Friday and it was the three relationships newsletter so if you're already signed up and you're enjoying it leave a comment and let other people know if you haven't signed up yet go to the three relationships.com and you can sign up right now I'll see you in your inbox this Friday thank you so much for watching this video and I'll see you next week

Channel: Matthew Hussey

Views: 124,532

Keywords: Matthew Hussey, Matt Hussey, Get The Guy, How to Get the Guy, Dating Advice for Women, attract men, keep your man, dating coach, relationship coach, relationship tips, what men want, make him like you, make him love you, how to talk to men, how to attract men, meet men, get the guy, tips for women, flirting tips, texting, calling, love advice, relationships, matt hussey, matthew hussy, mathew hussey, how to flirt

Id: DA48H6tsm4Q

Length: 11min 20sec (680 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 31 2024