Why I took a break 💔

[Music] safe to say that it has been quite some time since I've posted if you're new here that means nothing to you but if you have been here for a while and you've been patiently waiting for me to post a video just know that I have thought about you every single day I've thought about YouTube I've thought about it every single day um but there's just been no comfortable fun exciting way to share that I just haven't been doing well um mentally I like nothing nothing has gone wrong majorly in my life but it just seems like lots of little things have worn me down and it it was it just became really hard to feel comfortable and confident sharing but I you know what I've always wanted to get to this point on YouTube and have people wanting to see my videos but then I got here and I'm like what are you doing like my brain's like you're not supposed to be here like who do you think you are imposter syndrome perfectionism all the things that are not good were going on in my brain and and a couple other things that will get get into so really I want to catch you up on like what's been going on over the past 5 months I think it's been because I've done a lot of kind of fun things like tons of things that could have been a video but I was just bombarding myself with this like self-doubt like you shouldn't be doing this no one's going to want to watch this blah blah blah blah blah and so I never ended up putting anything into videos which I I could have and that's just very annoying so let's catch you up shall we um if you've been around for a while then you know that my van was in an accident and it wasn't my accident it was an accident that was someone was borrowing my van and that really I think was the start of the rut that I fell into because I had got the van and I was looking forward to going to Florida late last year 2023 and building it out over the winter and then coming back in the spring to Canada and having a van and like you know getting ready to go on an adventure but once the accident happened it was just completely on hold and I felt like I spiraled it really it was just very unsettling and and I felt like what am I doing I I don't even know what else to do because that's what I was wanting to do the most so anyway I was I was spiraling but then um my sister called me one day and she's like I got to a camp or do you think that you can come help me out so this is what happened she's basically doing just a face lift on this trailer she's not going as crazy as I went she's just making it look cute and so I'm going to help her she's already gone slightly crazy but this is what you got to do today I think the main goal is to sand whatever needs to be sanded and then Prime literally [Music] everything oh what the [Music] okay it's day two of painting I am back I'm wearing the same clothes and I've already started painting but I didn't film because I have been battling an internal crisis I feel like I've lost all hope all of a sudden in my life and it's so silly it's so silly does everything with the van just everything and everything and you know sometimes you just get into a funk and I feel like I am I'm just a little sad y'all I'm just trying I'm just trying so anyway let's paint at this point I don't know what's going to happen with my van and that's just really frustrating me it's already been 2 weeks and just this is just not a fun situation and I don't know if I've talked about it much but I have had a van before and the engine blew up and now my van was crashed by somebody else and so I'm just like am I not supposed to have a van I don't know I feel so confused about it all now I'm like why why why and anyway so here I am help help my sister renovate her trailer it's bringing back all the memories all the feelings of renovating my trailer and I'm just I am just I am just one paint stroke away from having a mental breakdown I think and this is not the vibe for YouTube I tell you that I'm so sorry I can't pretend that I am doing well when I am not I'm good so she's done quite a lot of things the one thing that I'm going to focus on today is this bedroom finish the painting put up some um wallpaper and make it look a little bit more complete [Music] that's long like but I like it it looks so cute so cute that was a fun little side quest I mean it didn't fix all my problems but it was really helpful to like have my hands busy and just do something then from there um not long after I ended up going on a two week or so trip in a van with the the guy I was seeing at the time [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh oh [Music] [Music] [Applause] look there a no l sign no leas how dare they we park the other way come over here [Music] so anyways we broke up like uh like a hundred times and uh it was truly um draining I really was channeling far too much energy into trying to figure out why this relationship wasn't working and um trying to make it work and and just completely taking all my focus off of myself and my YouTube channel and the things that I like and putting it all into this other person and it's my fault I guess really but I'm still trying to get like back into what does Juliana like where like focus on myself but it's a good lesson I'm laughing I don't know if it's like a coping me mechanism or yeah but if I don't laugh then I'll probably cry so please don't judge me or do I don't know comment and say whatever you would like but you know what I'll tell you this I have not been that great at relationships and it's really starting to piss me off I am not getting any younger I do not want my brother and my dad to be um my go to men although you know I love them and I'll always want them to be my go-to men but I would like uh one go-to man but actually at the same time it's probably better for me to just focus on myself and uh keep making videos and just let that happen naturally and not Claw at the walls of a relationship do you know what I'm saying so okay moving on after that I was again like not sure what to do with my time so I did spend a bunch of time up at my brother's cabin cooking random food and mostly laying in bed reading I spent a lot of time reading and it felt amazing I did not get anything done but I truly enjoyed reading and I have no regrets so after that what happened after that oh guess what I'm inside of um a new old a new um it's my new trailer my old 2004 I don't know trailer front door y yo it's all dry now but oh it's just right it's actually not even that rotten it's just under the door and maybe under the bench we might have to pull this door out to fix this first glances it seems to be pretty good the floor obviously is coming up needs to be replaced I hope this stove works I'm not sure if the fridge works it doesn't seem to be doing anything and yeah oh yeah that works it's nice [Music] getting that camper felt like a exciting moment like the possibilities I was like okay this is great it's a perfect size I was just excited but I still didn't have my van and I didn't know when it was going to be finished like they kept telling me that it was going to be finished in a week but then a week would come and then they didn't know anymore and it was getting to be really frustrating because it was months had gone by and it was February and I was supposed to be in Florida in November and it it was like the year was going spring is already coming it's like I I don't know so the one day we called them and we asked them like what are you missing how can we speed this process along and all they were missing was the Chrome insert for the grill nobody knew when it was going to come in so my brother and I were like you know what we're going to go to a scrapyard so we went to a scrapyard found a grill brought it there that same afternoon and then the next day my van was finished today is the day it's been months but uh yeah we're picking up with the van it's in one piece again does look good though oh man it feels weird oh oh it looks dope those wheels are sweet I got new Wheels with rims during this whole time and I brought them here and asked them to put them on and they did so that's cool what do you think it looks good it looks good yeah what a long time coming how long did I take 3 months 3 months supposed to be 18 days remember yeah I laughed when I said 18 days I knew it was going to be 3 months or four months remember I said that yeah I probably guessed it right on the one day he called me and he was like yep should this should have this to you before Christmas I was like what and I'm like I I feel like I said no way car is all good all codes are cleared okay uh like I said we took her for a good road test yesterday she the first thing that thing's doing is driving 2400 km South tomorrow really he so good we shouldn't have any issues okay thank you there's a key back definitely feels weird in here oh my God look it's such a mess yeah it's very mess oh wow needs a detail boy yeah I was kind of expecting them to detail it yeah me too $20,000 work you'd think they'd clean the inside a little bit eh no that's exactly how I left it yeah the guy said the wheels are not the greatest so yeah I was saying that they look unevenly worn I don't know how we're going to drive all the way to Florida like that if it's bad I don't know no wear down that noise what it's a heat shield or something exhaust it's rattling yeah I don't like that noise feels crazy to me yeah it's literally like exactly how I left it just tools and from the crash like there's a fork and just everywhere scattered oh my God yeah this is it not much else to see not the new in here still has the same dust that's this thing is it yeah still making that noise I know I don't like that I just found a part on the hood like just sitting there this is why I hate smash Vehicles it's never the same there's little noises and now so annoying I'm really glad to have it back but yeah it's like I'm just how many unknowns are there how many freaking issues are we going to have to worry about I'm I'm worried every single noise now oh what's that oh what's it yeah is a motor about to fall out you grab a belt dressing if it goes away when he sprays the belt and it's a main time I can tell it's not new but this little one is I need a new SHP belt I can see is worn out and they brought out brake lubricant mhm and they put brake lubricant on their serpentine belt so the squeak is going to go away now it's going to sound like it's gone but the belt's just going to be slipping more just the friction will be quieted down because it's lubricating so now we need to go buy belt dressing and spray that belt off or probably just buy a belt take that one off and clean all the lubricant off the pulley and then put a belt back on wait well why wouldn't they do that they just cuz I don't know I have no idea but they just made it worse I putting lubricant on it just drive home it's fine it's just a squeak everything else is fine he figured out where that plastic goes yeah it's [Music] good it's good it looks fine under there yeah it's fine okay thanks I think I'm going to cry this should be like a really good moment I guess but I don't feel good about any of this that was a very strange moment for me I really thought I was going to be excited I think delusionally I thought like my van's going to be brand new now even though even though it was it was always a used van and um there was already things that needed to be looked after when I bought it and it didn't help that it was crashed but my brother was like it's okay and thankfully for him I can always call him if I need something and he's so knowledgeable so if I have questions or if there's something that needs to be taken care of then I can ask him and so I relaxed I was like okay it is what it is I am happy to have my van and we'll figure out whatever happens but it was very unsettling anyways after we picked it up literally the next day packed up everything the camper my van and hit the road for Florida it's 9:00 at night it's been the longest day ever but I'm nearly all packed up we'll be leaving at like 5:00 a.m. tomorrow so no completely snapped I don't know what to do I don't know what to do either we have no way to tighten those it's a big problem we can't even go anywhere with this thing we're going to need to dump the camper or something I I I'm like at my limit you know distress is too much just a never ending show I will have to send this into a part two because um the horrors persisted just kidding I mean everything's fine but it was not it was the worst drive to Florida I've ever had and I'll fill you in on the next video and so um I'm going to leave you here I so appreciate you if you've made it to this point in the video it means so much to me and as always I just I love you so much and thank you for being here thank you for sticking around thank you for meeting me for the first time thank you thank you thank you and I will see you next time okay

Channel: Juliana

Views: 33,538

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Id: Z0o6EfcPIdM

Length: 21min 6sec (1266 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 28 2024