Why feeling stuck is a sign of a breakthrough | Claudia Warias | TEDxIEMadrid

do something with me close your eyes for just one moment and take a breath and exhale when you hear the word stuck what comes up for you what picture what feeling where do you feel that in your body take one more breath in and exhale open your eyes I ask the very same questions to my community and the in the answers were very interesting words like hopeless frustrated uncertain like a lost kid on a fanfare can you relate to any of those I certainly can it is fascinating that no matter what path I take or no matter what decision I make in my life I end up feeling Frozen like a deer caught in headlights unable to move forward overwhelm by fear and uncertainty now after having worked with hundreds and hundreds of people with different backgrounds and and with different cultures at different stages in their lives I came to realize that this feeling of stagnation is something that everyone experiences it's a reoccurring pattern in all of our lives and so let's just relax for a moment you I we are not alone in this journey but why is it that we're associating these moments and these feelings with something negative as a crisis after having or analyzing rather hundreds of coaching sessions I realized that there are three patterns that continue to pop up like a persistent Melody pattern number one living your life based on outside expectations versus internal desires pattern number two the inability or struggling to regulate yourself and your emotions and pattern number three pulling away from meaningful connections with others these patterns Deliver Us with an internal conflict self-doctorizes and we're unable to move forward or make a decision creating that feeling of stagnation some people even refer to it as an identity crisis now you want to know a secret these moments or phases as an identity crisis they are not unavoidable you can you cannot not have them they're part of our life essentially there are meant for us to experience so the key is not to avoid them the key is learning how to navigate through them in my early adulthood I had no clue how to do that heck no one teaches us these things that left me feeling hopeless over and over again leading to one phase of Bernard and depression after the other but now armed with my own wisdom and the wisdom from the people that I've been working with I'm here today to share with you a simple three-step process that you can take with you after today and that will help you to say through these challenging moments with more calmness ease cultivating self-trust and empowerment along the way I call it the connected method very simple yet very powerful in the connected method you're connecting to Three core live dots let's get into them life that number one connect to your heartbeat you see after my bachelor's at age 22 I had a brilliant idea let's move to Dubai I bought a one-way ticket and I landed on Dubai's vibrant airport ready to conquer the world little did I know that this experience would shape me in ways and never expected at that time I took on an internship that paid 400 euros and that was on the quest to get a full-time job that matches more my experience my background I send out 242 CVS which gave me at the end three interviews kinda promising right well imagine me in a glass World meeting room facing a panel of interviews interviewers interview Horror Story I stuck I froze like a popsicle in the freezer leg and after an agonizing 90 minutes the the hiring manager dropped his pen on the table he looked at me and he said Claudia that was very disappointing please do not expect to hear back from us ouch I left the shiny office building tears streaming down my face feeling defeated what do I do now a decision had to be made so I bought another one-way ticket this time back home to move in with my parents with minus in my bank account no clue what I'm gonna do next feeling like a failure but hey couple of years fast forward at age 28 I thought I had it all figured out I was a data analytics manager at the global tech company and I was leading a global team rubbing shoulders with the executives and at that time I have been living in six different countries across four continents earning promotion after promotion kinda successful right family France would say that my life was picture perfect but why do I feel like a failure still inside of me why is it that I still feel like a traveler lost in unknown territories without a map there's the here here is the pattern that keeps coming up feeling stagnant in in the phases where it feels stagnant self-doubt creeps up in these moments it's what happens is we question our identity Who Am I who am I if I'm not this person it leaves us feeling trapped in the roller coaster of self-doubt and soul-searching not knowing what to do next is this internal battle between who we should be versus who we want to be but here's the truth I wish I would have known earlier you are not meant to be only one version of yourself you are meant to evolve to grow to redefine yourself over and over again for real Embrace this freedom to explore yourself without any judgment let this moment not be a moment of an identity crisis but rather let this moment be a moment of an identity breakthrough so here's what to do in Step number one connect your heart put your and you feel free to do with me to learn it take your both hands put it on your chest connect your Heartbeats taking a breath visualize it connect with it and an asylum moment say to yourself I am breaking through very good what happens here is you get away from the racing mine and the grounds in the in the moment right here and it gives you permission to change it gives you permission to be different life DOT number two connect to your younger you you see the younger you is a part of you that that brings up fears from past situations brings us fears of failure making mistakes of standing out even when I Was preparing for this very talk my 10 year old self popped up carrying the weight of a very seemingly insignificant moment from a school classroom I was tasked to stand in front of my classmates and read a passage from a book I read about a girl traveling across the sea to an island and in a moment I mispronounced and instead of islands I said Island classmates erupted in laughter pointing at me laughing at me mocking me ever since then you see that moment is so small in the grand scheme of life but it left the mark and so as as I Was preparing for this talk here she came up because in that moment I Associated making mistakes with embarrassment which leads to shame kind of like I did just earlier in the talk when I when I froze a little bit now the point here really is that we all have these younger versions of ourselves that keep coming up especially when we do something that is very uncomfortable so the key here is not to push the younger version away the key is to knowing how to re-parent yourself providing reassurance guidance and safety for that part so what to do in Step number two to connect to a younger you after and feel free to do with me again after you connect with your heart and your heartbeat give yourself a little squeeze connect with the younger version visualize it and in a silent moment say to yourself it's okay to make mistakes this simple act here with that affirmation is giving the younger version what it needs security life DOT number three connect to others last year I had a very interesting encounter on a two-hour flight I was sitting next to an elderly man and as the stewardess was passing by offering refreshments the demand he tapped on my shoulder and he looked at me and said what do you want it's on me honestly my first reaction what a weirdo this is yeah maybe you thought this too right now but this is where I realized the real problem that I had is that a stranger offering a congestion starting conversation became something awkward rather than normal so what happened to the times 10 years ago where this would be the the natural part of our lives now we started in that moment chatting he introduced me to his wife and I learned I learned from his life wisdom and some lessons that really shaped me but it was not only the conversation to shaped me but it was the realization that in the moments where we feel most stagnant these are also the moments where we're most disconnected from others and it's also in these moments where we forget about the power of human connection now I want you to take a look around the room for a moment for real don't be shy take a look around the room very good nice great job so according to a 2021 research done by workplace intelligence partnered up with Oracle they discovered that 76 of people are struggling with the feeling of stuckness at any given time in their life in any area what does this mean that means that the majority here in this room are right now experiencing some sort of frustration stagnation uncertainty maybe even an identity crisis with this in mind I challenge you connect with each other connect make eye contact with the Barista that you go to every day and say say their name say hello in the elevator when you enter in there or simply start a conversation the next Journey and then what to do step three in the connected method after you connect with your heartbeat and your younger version connect with others and in a tiny silent moment say to yourself I can make a difference in summary the connected method consists of three steps let's practice them together so first step everyone follow me connect to your heartbeat and say I am breaking through step two squeeze yourself connect to your younger version and say it's okay to make mistakes and step number three connect to others and say I can make a difference amazing do this every day takes you less than 30 seconds what happens when you do that is that you don't push away these Sensations or emotions of feeling stagnant but instead you actually allow yourself for 30 seconds during the day to be a human being rather than a human doing and so take them with you experiment and see how they were alive how they will allow you to navigate through these moments with more ease and calmness now imagine imagine a world where we celebrate ourselves for the ups and the downs and where we actually reconnect the Dot from feeling stuck as a sign of a crisis to a new DOT where feeling stuck is a sign of a breakthrough so another challenge for you the next time you meet your friends colleagues or family members instead of saying hey how are you ask them what are you stuck with right now thank you foreign

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 23,313

Keywords: Acceptance, Consciousness, English, Fear, Life, Self-help, TEDxTalks, [TEDxEID:53179]

Id: 9X8lyn1dkJU

Length: 14min 36sec (876 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 08 2023