“Put up with being laughed at on occasion;
look around you, and give yourself a good shaking to find out who you really are.” Common sense tells us that a modicum of concern
for the opinions of others is useful in the cultivating of good relationships and the
maintenance of social cohesion. But most people care too much about what other
people think and in this video we will explore how this is damaging to our psychological
health. We will then look at how becoming more comfortable
with ridicule, rejection and the disdain of others can greatly increase our chance of
living a fulfilling life. “It never ceases to amaze me: we all love
ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” In the modern West a great emphasis is placed
on the attainment of social validation and on looking good in the eyes of others, and
this is creating a population of men and women who are stunted in their development. For social validation is derived primarily
from one thing – success in the external world, or at least the appearance of it. Our job title, our material possessions, the
size of our bank account, our physical looks and fashion choices, the status of the people
we associate with, such are the things that bring the validation that so many crave. But this excessive orientation to the world
of people, places and things is not a healthy way to live for as Carl Jung writes: “The man whose interests are all outside
is never satisfied with what is necessary, but is perpetually hankering after something
more and better which, true to his bias, he always seeks outside himself. He forgets completely that, for all his outward
successes, he himself remains the same inwardly. . .Obviously the outward lives of men could
do with a lot more bettering and beautifying, but those things lose their meaning when the
inner man does not keep pace with them.” Jung was no ascetic who denied the value of
worldly success rather his point was that without a bettering and beautifying of the
inner man, or what amounts to the state of our psyche, external success will leave us
none the richer. We can surround ourselves with an opulence
of material goods, we can attain the contemporary social-ideal of beauty and style, our peers
can admire us, but if the inner man is neglected, misery and suffering will haunt our days,
or as Jung explains: “To be satiated with the “necessities”
[of external success] is no doubt an inestimable source of happiness, yet the inner man continues
to raise his claim, and this can be satisfied by no outward possessions. And the less this voice is heard in the chase
after the brilliant things of this world, the more the inner man becomes a source of
inexplicable misfortune and uncomprehended unhappiness in the midst of living conditions
whose outcome was expected to be entirely different. The externalization of life turns to incurable
suffering, because no one can understand why he should suffer from himself. . . That is the sickness of Western man. . .” But if an excessive orientation to the external
world and an accompanied neglect of our inner development is the sickness of the West, what
is the cure? We should step off the path of conformity
– as to conform means to seek social validation through the ideal of external success – and
we should re-orient our life so as to bring more order, harmony, and strength to our psyche. We must in other words, live a more authentic
life, a life that heeds the call of our inner man, or as the 16th century philosopher Michel
de Montaigne explains: “Whatever it be, whether art or nature,
that has inscribed in us this condition of living by reference to others, it does us
much more harm than good. We defraud ourselves out of what is actually
useful to us in order to make appearances conform to common opinion. We care less about the real truth of our inner
selves than about how we are known to the public.” But to be one of the few who stops living
by reference to others necessitates a diminished fear of ridicule, rejection and the disapproval
of others. For one who fears such things will remain
a conformist and thereby forever susceptible to the sickness of which Jung spoke. And so, in recognition that a fear is best
diminished by exposure to the feared object we can turn to the ancient philosophical practice
of intentionally behaving in ways that elicit social disapproval. The Roman Senator Cato, a follower of Stoic
philosophy, who lived in the first century BC was an advocate of this practice and as
William Irvine writes in his book A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic
Joy: “[One] way to overcome our obsession with
winning the admiration of other people is to go out of our way to do things likely to
trigger their disdain. . . .Cato made a point of ignoring the dictates
of fashion. . .According to Plutarch, Cato did this not
because he “sought vainglory”; to the contrary , he dressed differently in order
to accustom himself “to be ashamed only of what was really shameful, and to ignore
men’s low opinion of other things.” In other words, Cato consciously did things
to trigger the disdain of other people simply so he could practice ignoring their disdain.” Another famous figure who engaged in this
practice was Diogenes the Cynic who lived in the 4th century BC. On an almost daily basis Diogenes took actions
that evoked ridicule, rejection and disdain. As but one example, he would walk backward
into theatres, against the flow of everyone who was exiting for the purpose of acclimating
himself to acts of non-conformity. When he did this people would mock him and
question his purpose to which he replied: “Aren’t you ashamed that while you’re
walking in the wrong direction in life, you scoff at me for walking backwards?” Diogenes was so successful at detaching himself
from any concern of what other people thought of him that he reached a level of freedom
most can only dream of – the chains of other people’s opinions no longer constricted
him, the burden of social validation did not weigh on him and instead of shaping his life
to look good in the eyes of others, his sole purpose was to cultivate a greatness of self
through mastery of body and mind. “When someone said to Diogenes, ‘Most
people laugh at you’, he replied, ‘And doubtless donkeys laugh at them; but just
as they pay no heed to the donkeys, I pay none to them.’” This approach to life did not result in Diogenes
being looked down upon by all of his peers, rather many famous figures admired him – Alexander
the Great was so impressed with his character that he stated: “If I were not Alexander, I would like to
be Diogenes!” While the great Stoic philosopher Epictetus
considered Diogenes to be the rare example of a real-life sage: “But I can show you a free man, to save
you from having to search any longer for an example. Diogenes was free.” To move toward the ideal of a Diogenes we
may find it useful to adopt the following mindset when engaging in our practice: we
are not performing acts of non-conformity merely to look like a fool, nor to attract
attention or annoy people. Our purpose is to learn more about human nature
and more about our own potential. We are practicing what Nietzsche called “psychological
observation” and so when our actions elicit ridicule or disapproval we can follow the
advice of the philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer who counselled the following: “If you come across any special trait of
meanness or stupidity. .you must be careful not to let it annoy or
distress you, but to look upon it merely as an addition to your knowledge – a new fact
to be considered in studying the character of humanity. Your attitude towards it will be that of the
mineralogist who stumbles upon a very characteristic specimen of a mineral.” Another way to ease the sting of ridicule
is to remember that very often the people who are quickest to judge and the most excessive
with their insults, are those whose opinions matter least. They are not men and women of sound mind,
but individuals consumed by the sickness of the West who use criticism as a means to project
their misery and self-hate onto others, and as Epictetus wrote: “Who are these people whose admiration you
seek? Aren’t they the ones you are used to describing
as mad? Well, then, is that what you want – to be
admired by lunatics?” This ancient philosophical practice of voluntarily
exposing ourselves to ridicule and rejection will teach us an important lesson: the world
does not end when someone shames us, and no harm really comes to us when others disapprove
of our ways so long as we are comfortable with the actions we take. With time insults and negative judgements
by other people will become mere empty words that may pass through our ears but do not
disturb our mind. We will no longer feel compelled to live by
reference to others and if we are then willing to listen to the call of our inner man or
woman a greater life will open before us. Free of the fear ridicule, we will be free
of the sickness of Western man. “The greatest height of heroism to which
an individual can attain is to know how to face ridicule; better still, to know how to
make oneself ridiculous and not to shrink from the ridicule.”
