Why² -- navigating the quarterlife crisis: Dr. Barbara Jacoby at TEDxUMD

[Music] what does it mean to be successful what career path is right for me what am i passionate about what will make me happy the world is so messed up what can I do about it does this sound at all like you if so and if you are between 17 and your mid 30s you are in very good company you are the quarter life generation the quarter life is one of life's crossroads it's the transition into early adulthood it's often characterized as a time of anxiety uncertainty inner turmoil and yes it is more challenging to navigate the quarter life today than it was in my day you have a lot more stress a lot more pressure a lot more choices and that has led to the coining of the term the quarter life crisis I teach a course here at the University of Maryland called now what composing a life of meaning and purpose I started teaching this class I created this class because I've had so many students who I've known at the point of graduating who have said to me I don't have a clue what it is I'm going to do with my life the quarter lifers in my class are full of doubts and questions they want answers I tell them questions are more important and they say we have quite enough questions already thank you very much to which I respond perhaps they're not the right questions so we start with thinking about what it is that they think they know about themselves and what they think matters to them and that's when we get to the y-squared question why does it matter to know why this is the process metacognition metacognition is a very complex process that can actually be rather simply defined as thinking about our thinking the particulars for meeeeee of metacognition that we do in my class that I hope you will do along with us is critical reflection critical reflection is about analyzing reconsidering questioning your values choices beliefs and assumptions the question we start with in my class is what are your core values that's a cognitive question cognition is about the what or the content of our thinking and then once they've come to at least answer as best as they can that particular question the next one is the y-squared question why does it matter to know why these values are important to you and that's when they begin to get at where their values have come from how well they've been serving them and to what extent they want to continue to hold on to those values as they compose their lives of meaning and purpose so for the next 15 minutes or so come along with me and consider this way of looking at the crossroads of quarter life composing a life is much more than defining your goals and living happily ever after it is really about reinventing yourself again and again in light of changing circumstances in your life as well as in our rapidly changing world what matters most is your awareness of your values and the degree to which they are congruent with your present and future actions so let's start with a familiar phrase one you know well it is what it is well this phrase does not work for me and I hope you will not let it work for you it doesn't work for me because it implies that there is an answer that it is the right answer and that once you have it everything is settled but you say we've had to make choices we've had to choose a major a career direct a direction some of us even before we started college well yes of course you've had to make choices but my point here is don't let yourself be limited by your choices question them reconsider them trouble them as one of my students likes to say what is it about those choices that can get you closer to being the person you want to be I've had several students in my classes who are pre-med majors on the path to becoming doctors but they take the class because they really want to think deeply about that choice about whether it can have meaning and purpose for them one of my students had planned to be a pediatrician but as she asked herself that metacognitive why does it matter to know why question it became more and more clear to her that what mattered more than medicine and treatment was prevention was disease prevention so she switched her major into public health so that she could focus on nutrition as a means of disease profession on prevention for another one of my students she affirmed her choice to become a physician as she really realized what mattered most to her was reforming the health care delivery system and she believed that as a physician she would have more standing to do so and this brings me to another phrase you caught her lifers tell me that you hear a lot find your passion follow your life's purpose well you know what it's okay if you haven't quite figured out yet what that is believe me there are many of us in my agent stage who are still on that journey along with you so if if you're not exactly sure who you are try looking at it this way take try this question on for size what am I not and of course why does it matter to know why you may be very surprised at where contemplating this question may take you and while I'm on the element of surprise let me stay for a moment be open to it be open to serendipity serendipity is when something kind of random happens to you that turns out to be awesome serendipity played a big role in my quarter life actually very early in my quarter life on my first day of college right here at the University of Maryland in my day you went to freshman orientation you got a little bit of advising you declared a major and you filled out this form with your wish list of courses that you wanted to take in the fall semester and then you waited you waited you waited you waited all summer for your schedule to arrive on a postcard in the mail well my wish list turned out to be a nightmare I was a self-declared English major I was preparing to write the Great American Novel and when I caught my schedule it did not have a single English class on it so I immediately called the English department and asked them what I should do and they said I should show up at their office on the first day of classes and see what I could do about the matter I said I would do that so 8:15 there I was at exactly 8:30 they rolled up that metal shutter thing that separated me from the person behind the counter I walked up I smiled I explained my situation she never even looked up at me she growled freshman English is full next I turned I walked out of the building and I proceeded to fall down most of the concrete steps in front of Francis Scott Key Hall I decided no one had ever had a worse start to their college experience I made my way back to my dorm my mascara was running I was crying I cleaned myself up my knees were bloodied I cleaned them up too and I sort of wandered back towards the mall not exactly sure at all where I was going but the very first building I happened on was what was then known as the foreign language building now jiménez hall i walked in i signed up for a french class and so began my long happy and rather serendipitous journey to three degrees in french literature including my ph during which time I met and married the man who is now my husband for 43 years so serendipity however can only take us so far so please accept another piece of advice from my college experience find a mentor if you haven't left college yet don't leave until you do if you have it's not too late is there a professor employer internship supervisor you really admire even if you two haven't yet sat down and had a real conversation that's okay it's still not too late send an email stop by call us up tweet us ask us what we're passionate about how we found our passion how we've reinvented ourselves ask us for our stories and don't think that we don't find you as interesting as you find us mentors stick with us as we reinvent ourselves time and time again mine did my mentor was madam and Ahmet she was elegant sophisticated born to Hungarian royalty I never understood what she saw in me as an awkward teenager but she was my freshman advisor and stuck with me all the way to my PhD and all that time inside and outside of class she was always madam well as I began to teach my own French class as Jim up ldw labelled it gradually dawned on me that this kind of teaching was not for me and while I realized what I was not it actually took me quite a while to realize what I what I really did want to do and began my career in student affairs and that's where I got to work with students more outside the classroom than inside and I really found out that I really enjoyed helping students navigate life rather than conjugate verbs but it really was not on to a midlife when I found my passion and had the opportunity to create and teach the class on which this talk is based so find a mentor take that first step it's not too late some of us are able to engage with our mentors over a long period of time yet others of us interact only in what I like to call mentoring moments rather briefly both matter find a mentor take that first step even with a supportive mentor navigating the quarter life asking yourself that y-squared question is hard work which meat brings me to it's okay to be a little bit selfish what do I mean by that well in my class one of the most challenging and rewarding questions that my students grapple with is this one is the life I'm living a real expression of Who I am and who I want to be my students tell me that working through this question and of course why does it matter to know why helps them come to terms with feeling a little bit selfish when they see their friends go off and to Teach for America or going to Africa to start a nutrition program in an orphanage there while they are here grappling with how they can do well financially and do good for the world at the same time what matters is not their choices but yours what matters are your values and the degree to which they are congruent with your choices this question turned out to be especially powerful for one of my students who like many of you was raised to be devout in his faith and not to question his religion but has as he navigated this question and asked himself the y-squared question along with it it came clearer and clearer to him that he needed to find his own path to what is moral and what is right he needed to engage in his own moral reasoning and not just follow the teachings of his religious dogma he told me just the other day in a conversation that navigating this question along with y-squared helped him feel a little bit less selfish when he told his mom he had become agnostic and it made her cry it's okay to be a little bit selfish in quite another way press pause take a break take some time to live in the precious present as one of my current students calls it the future we'll be waiting for you and while you're at it being a little bit selfish have fun the quarter life is hard work take time to house a lot of fun in whatever way you define it here's an example from another one of my current students who's graduating this month and decided that she was going to apply for one job and one job only the only job that sounded like fun to her driving the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile she got the job she came to class the next day and said okay I'm graduating I don't have a clue what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life so I'm gonna drive a hot dog around the country for a year that sounds like a whole lot of fun to me so to sum it all up question your choices reinvent yourself be open to serendipity find a mentor let yourself be a little bit selfish because navigating the quarter life crisis is hard work and once you've gotten through once you've managed to navigate your way successfully through the quarter life you have many more life transitions ahead of you I have faith in you I am your fan because even as you struggle to find your life's passion you make me fell yes well fellas a Yiddish word it means to be proud but for me it's much more than that it's that it's that visceral joy and satisfaction that gushes up inside me when you take even a small step towards finding your meaning and purpose so go ahead make me Phil I don't know what the future holds but I do know who holds the future you do and you and we are in very good hands thank you [Applause] [Music]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 59,414

Rating: 4.814714 out of 5

Keywords: tedx talk, TEDxUMD, ted, TEDx, ted talk, ted x, tedx talks, tedx, ted talks

Id: zc1cR5NBhAA

Length: 16min 12sec (972 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 25 2014