We are in a series of
messages that we've called Dawn is Coming. If you just jump
in it now, we're taking some time
this fall to look through the book of 1 Peter. Yeah. It's a New Testament letter,
and it has been so, so, so powerful. Have you enjoyed it so
much, going through it? It's been so good. I love growing
together and I love opening God's Word together,
and just the power of that. Even just as we're studying
God's Word together on our own, as well, as we're even just
taking a moment every day to study a few verses and
to dig a little deeper. Has anyone been
enjoying that, also? I'm growing and
learning and loving it. It's so great. So if you are just
jumping in now or watching on TV, as we
study it on the weekends, also just individually
going through it, reading a little bit at a time,
which is challenging for me because I like quantity. I'm like do the Bible in a
year, read my three chapters. So this is like two verses. I'm like, huh. It's like a Tic Tac. Yes. At the beginning of
the year, Levi and I started reading
through the Bible together, because a few times
we've gone through the Bible together. Lots of times. A lot of times. But this year, he lost me. We had to read three,
four chapters a day, and that's just a lot. When I wake up in the morning-- Today we're in Luke. So I'm like, how are you
liking that reading plan? Isn't it so good, 'cause I know
I lost her in like Deuteronomy. [LAUGHS] I know, it's true. It's hard to read a lot
and feel like you're getting so much
information, and then pick one thing to just
carry through the day. I feel like I need
one verse, sometimes it's one word, that just
carries me through the day before the kids wake up. Someone said a long time ago-- I don't remember who
I heard said this-- they said you should read the
Bible until God speaks to you, then stop. Because to go any
further is unnecessary. You need to live that out today. So it has been cool
to go through it and to slow my
roll a little bit. I'm still reading
my big plan, though, so don't worry about it. I'm doing both. It's OK, we're all right. But either way, we are
glad that you're with us. And well, we've made it
to 1 Peter chapter 3, so brand new chapter. This week's got that
new chapter smell to it. Mm, that's so good. It's great. Often imitated, never
duplicated, right? They got the new car smell
on the air freshener. Does not smell like
a new car, FYI. Oh gosh. Yeah, you can't duplicate it. Nope. So 1 Peter chapter 3. 1 Peter chapter 3, verse 1. The title of our message
is Where Beauty Comes From. Write that down. Where Beauty Comes From. You ever see someone
wearing something like, hey, where'd you get that? And they're like thrift store. You're like, oh. Because they know
they can't get it. But you're kind of
happy, though, I think, because you don't really want to
Zara because you kind of don't want everybody in your life to
have the same thing you have. So I think sometimes you're
kind of happy when you can say, this is one of a kind, right? Yeah. Because sometimes things
come from unlikely places. Like oh, where'd
you get those abs? They're made in the kitchen. Burn, right? It's not like equipment at
the gym that gives you abs. It's how you eat. It's how you eat mostly. It's true. Unfortunate. If it only could be that you
get that thing as seen on TV, now you have abs. It's like, I can't have a
raw cookie dough for dinner and have abs? That's weird. I have a friend who
bought that machine that attaches to your belly. Shakes you? And it says that
your abs appear. This is great, working out. You have a friend that did that? I won't say your name. You have a former
friend that did that? [INAUDIBLE] Wow. [LAUGHS] All right. Well, we're talking
about where beauty comes from because
it's not necessarily where you think it would be. Right, right. 1 Peter chapter 3. Verse 1, "Wives,
in the same way, be submissive to your husbands
so that if any of them do not believe the Word, they
may be won over without words by the behavior of their
wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come
from outward adornments, such as braided hair and
the wearing of gods jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be
that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a
gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great
worth in God's sight, for this is the way the
holy women of the past who put their hope in God used
to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive
to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham
and called him her master. You are her daughters
if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." And then after speaking to
the ladies for a minute, he turns his attention
to Peter, pivots speaking to men in verse 7,
where he says, "Husbands, in the same way"-- and you want to underline
that phrase in the same way. Why? Because it's now been repeated. And in the Scriptures,
repetition is one of the ways that God reveals importance. So when you see something happen
again and again and again, it's not for no reason. So we started this chapter
with, "wives, in the same way," and then he began to
speak to the wives. And so when he says to the
husbands, "in the same way," we'll figure out later,
but that's a key phrase to this whole passage. All right, so "husbands,
in the same way, be considerate as you
live with your wives and treat them with respect
as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of
the gracious gift of life so that nothing will
hinder your prayers." I love that the
women have six verses and the men have one verse. Yeah, it's funny. It's like we, as
women, just needed a little bit more detail, a
little more of the why, how, who. Just tell me a little bit more. Yeah, questions. Is there an Old
Testament example of what this looks like? I know, over the head. And I liked the men is
not only short and sweet, but it has to have
a threat at the end. It's like, what happens
if I don't do this? God won't listen
to your prayers. All right. Just one thing, say it slowly,
and give me some blunt force trauma on the end of it. We're good. It's so true, though. Hilarious. What a woman needs,
just details. Yeah, right? Give us the details. I love this so much,
where beauty comes from. Where beauty comes from. Where beauty comes from. I love that Peter
starts with the women. Wives, first of all,
wives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands. And he, first of all, starts
with so that if any of them do not believe the Word, if
any of them do not know God, they'll be won over by your
behavior, by your actions. And one translation says
in your chaste conduct, or your pure behavior. How you live your life
can win over your husband. And some historical context
would probably helpful. Of course, Peter's
writing to Christians who, in the year 62 AD or so,
just 30 years after Christ rose from the dead, are going through
difficulties and suffering. And he's talking about lots of
different ways you can suffer and lots of different
ways life can be hard. And one of the ways
he's addressing, as he begins this section,
is there were, evidently, a lot of women in the
Roman Empire in this day, throughout Asia Minor,
who were married to men who didn't have faith yet. Now, most commentaries
will suggest that this is indicating
that they were saved after they were married. Here's these people
living, and why is it that so many wives
were coming to faith? Well, let me just say something. There's a spiritual receptivity
in the heart of a woman. Right. And why is it that
so many times, you'll have Christian women who
have husbands who don't know the Lord or don't believe
in God, or maybe know God but don't really walk
actively with God? There's something in the
heart of a woman that causes there to be just
a spiritual receptivity, a sensitivity to
the heart of God. Now, what's cool
about it is Peter is giving them a
strategy for evangelism that they may be a part. Having come to know
Jesus, how can they be a part of winning their
husbands to the Lord as well? Because as it stands, they're
in a difficult situation. And if you're here
and you're married to someone who
doesn't know God, let us just say to you, hey, we
honor you for the difficulty that you face every day. That can be super challenging. [APPLAUSE] And we don't want to shame you. We don't want to
shame your spouse. And as we enter
into a subject where we're talking about marriage,
let me just let you know this. Here's the elephant
right there in the room. That can be a
difficult conversation, to talk about marriage like,
oh, I've been divorced. Crap. I'm the worst. Or I've been through this. I'm currently
separated, or this. Let me just tell you something. We're not here to shame
you for your past. We want to fight for
you for your future. Yeah, that's right. We are for you. God is for you. [APPLAUSE] God has plans for your life. This isn't a church where only
perfect people are allowed, because none of us would be
allowed to be up in here, OK? Right. So regardless of what
you're going through, just relax and just know this,
that you're among friends and we care for you and
God loves you, regardless of what you've been
through in this life. Right, right where you're at. Right where you're at. Right where you're at. But I love how he's
saying it's actually what you're living out. The beautiful life
that you're living, for these wives
for their husbands, isn't from the outward. It's not just from the outward. It comes from within. Another version says
cultivate inner beauty, the beauty that is inside. Look at that,
cultivate inner beauty. Gentle, gracious,
God delights in it. That's where true beauty comes. Yeah. Because man looks at
the outward appearance. Woman looks at the
outward appearance. We get so easily duped
by the superficial. And even in the dating process. You're here, you're thinking,
who am I going to date? I need to find a mate,
whatever, whatever, whatever. And the temptation is
always going to be just to look at the external beauty. But of course, that fades. Remember a few months
ago when all of us were downloading that
app that made us look like we're 98 years old, right? It's coming, it's real. Find something deeper, y'all. Find something on the inside. Oh. Right? That's the reality. Because the truth is we
superficially approach it. Why are you dating this person? Bro, have you seen
how hot she is? She's smoking hot. What about that girl? Oh my gosh, have you seen
how good-looking he is, and the car and the money. Look, all of that
can fade in a minute. Right. And where true beauty comes
from is from the heart. It doesn't make physical
attraction unimportant, it just certainly shouldn't
be the most important thing. What will life be like
if it's for worse enough and not for better? What happens if one of
you is in a wheelchair? What happens if, all of
a sudden, God forbid, someone's health takes
a turn for the worse? What kind of a spouse will
they be in difficult times? Because the whole she's
hot conversation, bro, let me just say, so is hell. [LAUGHS] OK, so you gotta look
deeper than that. [LAUGHS] That's right. That's right. Well, in verse 3, it says
your beauty should not come from outward adornment. It's not that it's
bad to have makeup and to have your hair done
and to they have great style. That's not bad. That's actually great. I think it's so great for us
to lean into what we love. If we love to wear
sweats and a hat, do it. If you love to do
your hair, awesome. But something that I've been
considering and thinking for myself is when I wake up in
the morning, how much time am I preparing my body for the day? OK, a shower. All right, I'm going
to get dressed. OK, makeup. OK, mascara. OK, hair. How long does it
take me to get ready? And if I'm from start to
finish, it's probably an hour, because when I was growing up,
I'm the oldest of eight kids. I had to take, literally,
like a minute shower, and so I had to
get in and get out. So now it's like,
oh, I'm just going to be luxurious with my time. And so I have longer showers. Even when I say I'm going
to take a quick shower, it's not quick. But how long am I
spending preparing my-- There's like two levels,
though, because if you're like, I'm going to not wash my
hair, it's a faster shower. Yes. And at this point,
I'm like, we should have stock in dry
shampoo because I feel like I'd be a wealthy man. Beanies. We're in beanie weather. There's levels. Shower, but not wash your hair. Shower, but wash your hair. Then there's the where's Jennie? She's been gone for three hours. It's the shower of I'm
treating yo-self, right? Parks and Recreation
type shower. It's so true. But that is one thing,
I went to school that needed uniforms when I
was starting in fourth grade. Actually, a couple weeks ago,
I bought this camel flannel. And if you see me
recently, you've probably seen me in this. I was actually going to wear
this today, but I was like, maybe I should wash it. But I literally wore it
like every day for a week. Keep something to
yourself, Jennie. [LAUGHS] But I mean, a uniform
would just be so helpful. Yeah, it does make sense. Steve Jobs had it right. Let's all wear
turtlenecks, right? Yes. No. All I'm trying to say is-- Someone just objected
violently to that. [LAUGHS] You know, Mitch Hedberg
said the problem with wearing a
turtleneck is you feel like someone with a weak grip is
trying to strangle you all day. That's the problem. [LAUGHS] Oh my gosh. How much time you
prepare in the morning to get your outer self ready
versus how much time are you spending each day preparing
your soul for the day? That's a great, great point. And I'm not saying
this to be like, you got to spend this
much time getting ready, and if you spend that
much time, then you have to spend these same
amount of time with God. But just being aware
of that, OK, I'm putting so much effort
into my outward appearance, but why am I not putting
that same care and effort into my time spent with God,
into the practice of being in his Word and spending time
with Him, where that's actually where true beauty really comes
from and focusing on that. And I'm not against a manicure
or a pedicure or anything outward. I think it's important-- I don't really like them. I think it's important. I like feeling-- No, I like it on you. When you dragged me to
get a pedicure that time, I did not enjoy it. We all went with the family. But it was making me
giggle so much when they were touching my feet. Giggle? Just giggly. I never would describe myself as
giggly until I'm like, oh gosh. It's like the scene
from Dumb and Dumber. I was like, I'm crying. [LAUGHS] Oh my gosh. It was not a good experience. Right. OK. But it's true. Because what you're saying, I
would never go out in public without brushing my teeth. I want to get the sleep out
of my eyes and wash my face and put a little
sunscreen on, right? But when it comes to our
souls, how many times have I forced the world to confront
a version of my soul that's not at its best? Hasn't been ready? And pampered it a little
bit and taken some time, and for me, knowing what it
takes for me to be at my best. And I'm learning that over time. I need time of quiet. I need that, that
peaceful time with Jesus with a cup of coffee. I need that journaling. And if I'm not
getting those things, you're not getting a
better version of me. The kids aren't getting
a better version of me. The team here at Fresh Life,
anybody I'm interacting with. I want to give the world
a version of my soul that's beautiful. And that can't
happen on its own. You don't wake up
with your soul perky. You don't wake up
with your soul strong. You have to give it time. You have to treat it right for
your soul to be at its best. And so what he's saying is you
want to have a beautiful soul. Here's the things. It's not wrong to
care about fashion. It's not wrong to care about
externals, but to make sure you're not neglecting
the most important part. Yeah, that's the thing. That's your heart. Right. Well, and there's such
attention to it, too, because the Bible
does talk about it. It says athletic training,
like exercise is good. It profits a little bit. It's good for a
short amount of time. Way too short. It says for "short
season, but righteousness brings lasting
benefit in everything, for righteousness
contains the promise of life for time and eternity." So yeah, work out. I love working out. It's good for your body. It's good for your heart. It's good for your health. I think it's good
for your mind, too. [INTERPOSING VOICES] When I slip in
working out, I feel like it's easy for everything
to cascade out of control. Totally. Then I'm like, just give
me the honey biscuits. Just get them on over it. Honey biscuits, added honey. But if everything is in that
body strengthening basket, then you're not cultivating
the inner beauty, the inner strength, the
inner grit that you need. And I was just thinking, what
does it look like to grow? It takes practice, in
anything, as you're learning, as you're growing,
as you're in school. It takes practice. And what that means
is you're going through the resistance
and the struggle and the difficulty of life
and practicing kindness in it, practicing patience. That's one thing I
feel like I'm repeating all the time in our house to
our kids is use this opportunity to practice patience,
practice patience. Because over time,
you're going to see what that looks like consistently. I think that's what's
so fun about getting your hair done or your
eyelashes done, or whatever, is that it's an
instant gratification. It's an instant like, oh
my gosh, I look so amazing and it was just in a moment. But where the inner beauty
comes from, it takes time and it takes
practice and it takes cultivating and unearthing
what God's put inside. But practicing
the things that it takes to be that gentle,
gracious, quiet spirit. And all those principles
apply to marriage, too. Because just what you're saying
is self-care for your heart, that's not fast. It's got to be dedication,
chip away at it. You don't go to the gym one time
and then be like, man, I'm fit. For the rest of my life. Never have to go back. Things like that, steady. And so the same is true with
your relationship with Jesus. The days where you don't
feel like you're getting anything out of it, that's OK. You just keep showing up
and keep the repetition. Keep worshipping, keep
fasting, keep praying, keep asking for the Spirit
to give you those gifts, keep giving, even
when it's hard. And then one day you're
going to look at yourself and go, dang, I
look good, right? [LAUGHS] You're like, my soul looks good. When did it happen? In the faithfulness. Eugene Peterson used to
call it a long obedience in the same direction. It's just that perseverance. It's just I never quit. It's just I never gave up. When we were getting
hosted by that church pastor the other day,
I said, how'd you end up on the executive team? He's like, I'm on the
executive team and [? voila. ?] I was like, well,
how'd that happened? And he goes, I just never quit. And one day the
pastor turned to me and I was the only one
there so he promoted me. But I think, to
some extent, it's just that keeps showing up. Don't give up. And it's just working, even
when you don't feel like it is. Right. Well, it's that verse that says,
although our outward person, our outward man is
perishing, our inward man is being renewed day by day. So we are getting the wrinkles. It's more difficult as
we work out to stay fit. But the beautiful thing
is that our inward person is actually being
renewed every day, getting better, more beautiful,
more stunning, more gorgeous on the inside. And so as it particularly
relates to marriage, we have three quick
points kind of heading to divide up our time,
and we want to start here. This text tells us clearly
that God cares about marriage. Right. Before we ever read what
he says about marriage and how to do it, because
where immediately, like, whoa. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. What do you mean? We're like, but just stop. Do you realize how cool it is
that God, who made the world, wrote to you about marriage? Doesn't that tell you,
hey, he cares about it? He hasn't left you scrambling
without instructions. I had to fix a flat tire
on my bike the other day and I needed to go on
the company website. How do I get this tire off? And how does this work? And how do I get this back on? Then when I got it back
on, it was wobbling, and I didn't want to
take it to a bike store. Ain't nobody got time for that. So I googled, how do
you fix wobble in tire? There's a video for that. I'm so grateful. Aren't you so grateful? Sometimes our
marriages can wobble, and aren't you thankful
that God gave us this book, that He cares enough
about marriage to go, hey, just so you know, when it's
wobbling and when it's flat and when it's metal
on metal and it's your rim scraping on the
ground-- thanks, Eric, for picking me up when I broke
down on the side of the road, by the way. When that happens, aren't you
grateful that God cares enough about marriage to be like,
hey, just so you know, here's the letter
that tells you what you could do that could cause
your marriage to be beautiful. And I just want
to just thank God that He cares about marriage. He invented marriage. He gave marriage
to us as a gift. It's a blessing. It's from Him. So let's just begin the
conversation about it by acknowledging God
made it, therefore, He should be the one to
tell us how to use it. That's right. That's so true. And maybe for those
of us who aren't married and maybe feeling like,
oh, I'm in the single boat. I'm half a person because,
yeah, God designed marriage to make it so that
someone wouldn't be alone, but I'm alone. And what I want to
encourage you with is that you're
not half a person. Whoa, good. You're single. You're not half a person
waiting for that person, whoever is out there, to complete you. Jesus is the one
who completes you and He's the one
who makes you whole. Very good. But until you meet that person,
it's not like you're half and then you're going
to be whole one day. But you're whole, you're
complete, you're full in Christ right now. Yeah. The teaching of
Scripture about marriage is that you're supposed
to complement each other, not complete each other. That's so good. That's really good. Culture paints this
picture of you complete me. And when I meet the
right one, they're so going to complete me that
everything will just be easy. Now, what happens
is two sinful people that are meant to
complement each other, but not equipped to
complete each other. Yeah. I don't have the equipment,
wherewithal, or hardware to complete Jennie. She has to find that in God. Then I can complement
her because I'm going to be strong
in some areas where she's weak, and vice versa. But when we make the
mistake of putting the weight of each other,
you got to complete me, then, all of a sudden,
one day it's hard. Because hey, honey,
marriage is hard. Life is hard. It's challenging. Two sinners living together in
close proximity all the time, they never go away. [LAUGHS] Right? I mean, technically, what you
just defined is a cage match. I mean, really. And it can be bloody, I mean, if
it's not with the right spirit and if you're looking
for them to do something only God can do. If you come into marriage
with expectations that this person is your
savior and there, then, to complete you and fix you. That's a lot of pressure. A lot of pressure. And for the single
people out there, it makes you feel like
you said, inadequate and as half a person. But instead, when you see
it as this beautiful gift for community,
because we were made in the image of God and God
is in perpetual community within the Godhead. This is the mind-blowing part. Father, Son, Holy
Spirit, He exists in his own personal small
group at all times, OK? So the need for
community and the need for what we find in
marriage, friendship, and what, hopefully,
should be happening in small groups and our teams,
that's godly relationships that God put into
the heart of us. So when He said, it's good
that I see giraffes together. It's good that I
see zebras together. But then, all of a sudden,
He saw Adam and Adam was like one tear. Where's my boo? God was like it's not
good because he's alone. He was made in my image
to crave relationship. He doesn't have
it, therefore, I'll launch this rescue operation
of bringing the first person to Adam at the
world's first wedding so that there could
be a complementing and a relationship together.
so God cares about marriage. Yeah. Well, and even on
that-- and I'm going to just talk about that a little
bit more-- but even on that, God was the one that
brought the person to Adam. Good. He was the one that
brought them together. So there isn't that
pressure of, man, I need to find the right one. I need to find the one who's
going to be my soulmate, who's going to be with me for the rest
of my life and watch me age. The pressure is off
because that's God's job. So as you're just loving Him
and serving Him and finding just your satisfaction in
Jesus and being in the house, God's timing is so perfect. He's good at being God. He's going to bring that person
to you at the right time. So the pressure is off
of you and God knows. So just keep serving
and loving and doing what God's called you to do
and He's going to do the thing. All right, second point. God cares about your marriage. Yeah. I don't know if you
hear it this way, when I hear someone say,
hey, God loves the world, I'm like, that's
cool for the world. But then remember,
no, no, He loves you. Yeah. So God doesn't just care
about marriage in general, He's concerned about the
institution of marriage, OK yeah, great. God also cares specifically
about your marriage. He cares enough about
your relationship. He cares about right now, what's
hard about your relationship, what's challenging about it,
what's beautiful about it. Like Jennie said,
if you're single, He cares about your
future marriage. God cares about your marriage. What's his goal? For you to thrive in it, prosper
in it, and be blessed by it. Right? Don't settle for less than
God intends for you to have, for you to walk in. Look, marriage is
hard, that's for sure. We shouldn't have a
rosy optimism about it. It's going to be difficult.
It's going to be challenging. That's why we prepare for it. That's why premarital
training is so valuable. All the preparation
on the wedding, what about the marriage? A wedding lasts three hours. A marriage, hopefully,
lasts a lifetime. So don't just plan for
a beautiful wedding. Plan and prepare for
a beautiful marriage. And to do, that
you need training. To do that, you need help. To do that, you need resourcing. And so God cares
about your marriage, and He wants it to be
a source of blessing, a source of thriving. And we read the book of
Proverbs and the book of Song of Solomon. Marriage is described
as a fine wine. It's described as a banquet. It's described as a fortress. I mean, when I have
Jennie on my arm, we're snuggling
and watching a show and falling asleep and
laughing and dreaming, there is nothing like
that in the whole world. I want to tell you,
marriage is awesome. It is a gift from God. God wants you to look
at your marriage and go, this is amazing. Can you believe this? Can you believe we get
to do life together? Can you believe we get to
share secrets together? Can you believe we get to dream
about the future together? Can you believe we get to raise
little world changers together? Can you believe we get to tell
people about Jesus together? I'm telling you,
marriage is awesome. I'm so thankful
for our marriage. [APPLAUSE] Honestly. So good. But He not only cares about
your marriage, our marriage, He also has a plan
for your marriage. Yeah, point number 3. Point number 3, God has
a plan for your marriage. Like we said, He
gave us marriage, but He also gives
us the tools that we need so that we can grow
together and so that we can not just be married, but
have an amazing marriage. And that's His heart
for us, to have a fresh and flourishing
marriage, to be a fresh wife, to be a fresh husband. That's God's heart for us
and He has a plan for us. This quote from
Warren Wiersbe, it says, "if both
partners will imitate Jesus Christ and His
submission and obedience and His desire to
serve, there will be joy and triumph in the home." There's this goal for us to
be a picture of Christ's love for the Church and to be a
picture of the gospel for all who see it. That's the goal. That's the plan. And that's why we had you
notice the phrase repeated "in the same way." Wives, in the same way. Husbands, in the same way. Which way is it? The same way. What's the same way? The answer is the context
of the end of chapter 2. If you were with us last
week, we preached a message that we called For Pete's Sake. We talked about how
Peter, at his worst, lived for Pete's sake,
for his own sake. But where he learned to do
was to do what Jesus did, and that is to live
for heaven's sake. Don't live for Pete's sake. Don't live for Levi's sake. Live for heaven's sake. And that's what Jesus modeled. And that's what 1 Peter
chapter 2 says at the very end. If you look at it
again, many people believe it's actually
lyrics from an ancient hymn, like the Bruno Mars
of the New Testament, that it was lyrics that had
been written to exalt Jesus, and about how his Spirit
was to submit and to not do what Jesus wanted to
do even, but to do what his Father wanted him to do. So that's what we ended with
as chapter 2 comes to a close. Now he pivots to
relationship, but wants us to keep the image of Jesus
being submissive in mind. And he says, wives,
just like Jesus, in the same way as
Jesus, do what Jesus did. Whatever He did,
imitate that guy, right? Imitate Jesus as you
approach marriage. Then he gets to husbands
and he goes, hey, in the same way as Jesus
submitted to the Father, so I want you to ask. So what Jennie said, and
quoting Warren Wiersbe is exactly right,
the goal of marriage is two people who are
both trying as hard as they can to be like Jesus to
each other, to act like Jesus, to not do things for Levi's
sake and for Jennie's sake, but for us both to do
things for heaven's sake. If we will approach Jesus and
both of us-- think about it. The image of a triangle
has been used before. If we're both trying
to get to Jesus, we're going to
naturally come together because we're both trying to get
to the exact same destination. So me just trying to
get close to Jennie is not going to be as
effective as me trying to get close to Jesus, Jennie
trying to get close to Jesus, and guess what? We're going to meet
in the middle, y'all. It's a beautiful thing. So good. It is a beautiful thing. [APPLAUSE] Well, and three things that
are for us in marriage, three S's, if you'd
like to write them down. Submit, serve, and study. To submit to Jesus, to
submit to your spouse. To serve Jesus, to
serve your spouse. To study Jesus, to
study your spouse. These are things
that we can do that's going to beautify our
marriage, the inner things that are going to
cultivate that beauty, that life, that beautiful
life, fresh life living that's going to just come
out of our marriage. And those three
things not only are perfectly exemplified
by Jesus, but I think that they are key
for both of us to approach. Now, when we see the
instruction to wives, we see, wives, submit. And when he gets down to
husbands, you're like, wait. He doesn't actually
use the word "submit." No, but listen to
me very carefully. Both parties in
the marriage should make it their goal to submit to
each other, serve each other, and study each other. Yeah. You're like, I need
a verse for that. All right, Ephesians
5:22, "Submit to one another in the fear of God." That's a marriage
chapter, Ephesians 5. What's marriage? Marriage is two people
submitting to one another. Remember from last
week, the word "submit" is the word hupotasso,
which means to rank under. If you rank under someone,
you follow their orders. So marriage is me
saying to Jennie, I want to do what's
in your heart. I want to submit to you. I want to see what's
in your heart released, and Jennie doing the
same thing to me. If we're both submitting to
each other in the fear of God, we're both praying about the
decisions that we're making. That's what's going to cause
our marriage to thrive. It's not one leader, it's
two leaders serving together, seeking to outdo
each other in honor and honoring Jesus as the head. Now, what if there is a tie? This is a tough thing,
because if we both get a vote, there's only two votes. What happens if
it's a cat's game? Remember the Tic-Tac-Toe,
you're like, what do we do now? We both had a vote. We both voted and
it didn't work out. Well, in that
situation, the Bible says that the man should be
willing to check his heart and make sure his motives are
pure, and then prayerfully, before God, exercise
the tie-breaking vote. And guess what? 16 almost years
of marriage, we've never had one time, a
situation where I've had to go, you know what, Jennie? We both have different opinions,
but I've heard from God and we're going to
go ahead this way. [LAUGHS] Not a single time. Now, there's been 300 times
I've wanted to do that, but it's never
been a thing where I hear God so clearly that's
different to what Jennie's saying. When we actually pray about it
and we actually seek Scripture and we actually get
counsel, guess what? We're both like, yeah,
that's what we want to do. Neither of us actually
want to do that. Let's go ahead. The things that we fight
about are the little things. It's the selfish things. It's the sinful things. And I think the picture
we have in our mind of the submissive wife and
the husband who's a leader actually will turn your marriage
into basically you being Jabba the Hutt instead of
Jesus the Christ, which is what God intends
for it to be, where you're both
serving each other. So good. And another part of
study I feel like is important for us is
to study what Peter says. He says look to the
holy women in the past. He said, this is
the way, actually, that the holy women of the
past, who put their hope in God, used to make
themselves beautiful. They made themselves
beautiful by submissive submitting to
their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham
and called him her master. You are her daughters if
you do the same thing. So if you're studying
women in the Bible, Sarah actually
has a crazy story. And honestly, looking at her
story, you're like, wait. He's making Sarah an
example, because she made some wild decisions on her own. But actually, Peter's
pointing to her as an example to
follow, for us as women, of honoring her husband. And so one thing, for us
as women, for all of us, actually, is to study
examples in the Bible. Study examples around us. As we're planted
in the house, we're surrounded by
relationships, and we're surrounded by
marriages, and ones that we can follow and look to
and ask, how do you do this? How do you deal with this? And that's so important to study
the relationships in our lives, but also to study ourselves. I think this is
such a huge thing because, as we've talked before,
when you come into a marriage, you're bringing in
a lot of baggage that maybe you had before you
even met the person that you're married to. And so it's so important,
as we've said before, to get the counseling that we
need, to get the help that we need so that we're not just
continuing to just carry this baggage around with
us everywhere we go, but we're actually
bringing it to the surface and allowing God to heal
it and to bring strength for our future so that we can
be the stronger, best version of ourselves for our spouse. But one thing that's helpful
that I've been learning, for me, is when I do have
a counseling session, not taking that right
into date night. And I'm not saying this
has never happened before, I'm speaking for a friend, but
coming into a date night where we're supposed to be having
fun and laughing and enjoying, but I literally-- the
person literally-- [LAUGHS] --just came from counseling
and is just like, oh my gosh. This so hard. And it's like, OK, if I were to
just think through, yeah, maybe that isn't the wisest thing. And I spent some time journaling
and just praying and getting what I came up to God, and
then coming into a date night, just those kind
of things that is going to set yourself up to
win and set your marriage up to win. So you're not just studying
each other, which is the goal, but you're also
studying yourself, knowing what it takes
for you to be your best. But I mean, you used
the example of Sarah. It's like, yes, Sarah and
Abraham both made mistakes, and yet God honors
them as a picture because they continually
were following God, even when it was crazy. And she called him master, which
if you read in other versions, is basically just a designation
of honor and respect. I mean, give Sarah some credit. Abraham comes in
one day and is like, I think God wants us to move. And she's like,
where are we going? He's like, God says He'll
tell us when we get there. And she's like, let's go. I mean, that's unbelievable. And that spirit, I want to be
more like Sarah in that way, and Abraham in that way. When you're like, hey, I
feel like God's calling us to do this, often, I'm
like, that's the last thing I want to do. OK, I'm trusting
you're hearing God. We're praying about
this together. It's an amazing thing
to stir each other up, to study yourselves,
to know when you're going to be at your best. And also, just to realize
your partner has weaknesses. And He says that in verse 7. Husbands, figure out
where your wife's weak. She's the weaker partner in
some ways, but so are you. Think about it. A Ford is stronger than a
Lamborghini in some ways, and a Lamborghini
is a lot stronger than a Ford pickup
in other ways. What are you doing with it? Are you hauling bricks? You want the F-150. You want to race
across the country? I take the Lambo, y'all. You see what I'm saying? Honestly, it's a pretty
good illustration. A wife is like a Lamborghini. Come on. A lot of moving pieces. [LAUGHS] I could have a
counseling appointment when they're telling you about
the worst, darkest thing you've ever seen or done. I'm like, here it is. Isn't that awful? Yeah, that's awful. Hey, you want to have sex? Like it would be a
complete disconnect. It's date night. How was your day? Oh, it was awful. It was terrible. Worst day I've
ever had, actually. What's for dinner? How can you talk at
a time like this. Look how good that looks. To me, just loads some bricks
in the back of the truck and let's go. What's the problem? Where it's like a Lamborghini,
there's lots of things. You're going to take
that thing off-roading. So your wife's
the weaker vessel. She's sophisticated. It's expensive. There's the heated
steering wheel. You're a Model T, bro. Really good for lumber, not so
good with the Italian steering. You're figuring out
where they're weak and where you're strong and how
you compensate and calibrate for each other. And if you get on the same
team, you become a threat. I mean, it becomes
dangerous to the enemy. When you've got a truck
for when you need a truck, you've got the Lambo
when you need a Lambo, y'all, we're together. I mean, it's a powerful thing. Yeah. And that leads us to the first
of seven quick takeaway truths as we begin to wind this down. And these all come from
verses 8 through 12. Everything we're about to say
comes from verses 8 through 12. And it's by the
way, a direct quote, part of it, from
Psalm 34, which David wrote on one of the
most challenging seasons of his life. OK, so if your marriage
is hard right now, this is especially good for you. And if your life's
hard right now, these feel like the least
likely things to help, but so often times, that's
exactly how it goes. Yeah. Right? Because we were talking about
our kids getting flu shots. Like how is a needle going
to help me not get sick? I don't want to get a needle. I'd rather get sick. I'm like, no, no. That's like going
to the hospital and getting 20 needles. OK, I'll get flu shot. You know what I'm saying? So here's seven things,
and the first is act like you're on the same team. That can be real
hard to do, huh? Yeah. I think sometimes we
feel against each other, but the point is that we are
actually on the same team so we've got to act like it. And I think sometimes
we've got to love even when we don't like each other. We got to commit. We got to act like we're on the
same team, even when it's hard. And part of that, I
think, is coaching. And when you're on the
same team, when you're against each other,
I think there's moments where it's
like, OK, I just need to be the
coach for a second and tell Levi that, actually,
I just need you to hold me and I just need you to tell
me it's going to be OK. I don't need you to
fix it right now. And then I'm the coach, and then
all of a sudden, I'm back in and we're in it. And I'm giving him the tools
that he needs to fight fair as we're on the same team. You would never give
your opponent in a game the game winning strategy. But if you're on the same team,
you give each other clues. And Jennie will do this,
and she's really good. We'll be going at it. Like I don't understand why you
did this and tell me about it, and didn't you see
that that would happen. Didn't it happen before? And she's like, actually, just
tell me you love me and hug me. I don't need you
to say anything. I already know the answer. Just tell me you're love me. And then she's like back to bat. I'm like, come
here, give me a hug. That's amazing. That's so good. If you tell what you need,
I'll actually be loving. I would love to give it. I just have no clue. Right. Sometimes I don't
even know what I need, but I just have to
think it through. That's the most frustrating. Like I don't understand. She's like, I don't
understand, either. Oh, OK. Got it. But at least we're
on the same team. We're on the same team. All right, number
2, jot it down. Don't retaliate, compensate. Don't retaliate, compensate. The reality is some
days, I'm not the husband I should be to Jennie. And some days, Jennie is not the
wife that she wishes she were. On those days, it can
be tempting to match what they're doing and to
reflect back the hostility, reflect back. But our goal should actually
be, OK, she's not giving grace. I'm going to give
twice as much grace. This is a day where she's weak,
so I'm going to be strong. This is a day where we
don't need the Lamborghini. This is the day
we need the F-150, so I'm going to be tough on
that on behalf of her weakness. You're actually good
at that, by the way. Thank you so much. And I think the goal is
to realize that authority, to do what you feel, is like
the ring in Lord of the Rings. It will turn you to Gollum. It will destroy you. But when you feel vindicated
for being rude because of what they're doing, I
would be justified, that's the most
important time to throw that ring in the volcano and
die to yourself a little bit, and realize in dying,
you're going to find life. In losing your life,
you're going to find it. On being last, you're
actually going to be first. Don't retaliate. Compensate. Compensate. So good. Number 3, try on
each other's shoes. And this is the idea of
just sympathy and realizing that they went through
a day, and figuring out, how can I best just come
alongside and figure out, man, where is he coming from? How can I best serve him? Trying on his shoes. Yeah. It can be so easy in
your own life to go, don't you know what
I'm going through? But then when you
stop and you go, hey, they're going
through it, too. And I think one thing
that helps for me is to remember like, hey,
it's not easy to be my wife. Were talking about
whiplash the other day. And she was saying sometimes
you give me whiplash, not because I drive badly,
but because it's just like so much intensity. And it really helped me to
see that through her eyes, when she was like, hey,
you realize that we've been on like 10 planes
in the past three weeks and we've had like seven
messages, and this and this and this dinner and
meeting these people. She goes sometimes it's
hard for me to keep up. And it just really helped me to
see our life through her eyes and to relate to that and
to slow down for a second. So I think anything we can
do to find common ground and to empathize
with each other is going to help the marriage out. And then the next
one, bite your tongue. Number 4, bite your tongue. I could have said it a little
nicer when I said that. It was pretty nice. OK. [LAUGHS] And number 5,
because sometimes you just need to hold back
and not say everything, which I'm learning, too. Oh, man. How many nights ended up icier
than they should have because I didn't just bite my tongue. Totally. Just don't say it. Just don't go there. Look, you have the power in a
marriage to hurt each other. You know each other's secrets
and you could say, you-- look, Jennie and I both
could take each other out with a sentence, with
a word, because we both know the Sasquatch. We know the insecurities. We know where the
skeletons are buried, guys. Right? We know in a marriage,
you've hopefully giving each other
power to harm you, but you're trusting
that because of what's written on their soul, they're
never going to use that power. Yeah. And that's where
the real life comes. Right. And so biting your
tongue, so oftentimes-- and the Holy Spirit, if you're
listening, will be like, don't say that. [LAUGHS] Don't say it. Come back. Come back. No. Then at last He has to go tell,
Timmy's in the well again. [LAUGHS] Timmy. Number 5, stay tender,
tenderhearted, merciful, easily moved to
sympathy or compassion. Just having that
tenderness, that sweetness that was
at the beginning. I think sometimes when
you're in it, when you've been in it for a long time,
or maybe for not a long time, but you just can go
through the motions and not have the passion and
excitement of the first time, the first moments that you met. Just got to keep it
tender and keep it fresh. Yeah. The reality is, you said
it and you flew by it, but it was profound, and
I hope you wrote it down, that you can choose to love them
even when you don't like them. That's powerful. And that's a
different revelation that you got to ask
the Lord to give you. Because love's a verb. So if love's a noun,
then it's just a feeling, that I don't have to love
'cause I don't feel like love or because you're
not lovable today. But if love becomes a
verb, I can love you even when I don't like you. Right. That's a game-changer. That is a marriage-changer. That is a life-changer, OK? So now I'm fighting
for tenderness so that I can stir
up the feelings, because I'm going to do it
whether I feel like it or not. And you're really good about it. She was just talking the other
day, like remember our wedding, remember the limo. And immediately I remember-- I remember the weirdest things. I remember standing outside
the limo having to sign the waiver, the limo driver. It was like a sketchy
Albuquerque, New Mexico Breaking Bad limo company. And he was like, hey, no bodily
fluids in the back of the limo. I was like oh, bro. I don't even want
to go in this limo. They didn't have Uber back then. We had no options. Bodily fluids? Now I'm like, I don't
want to touch it. Who else has been in here. Oh my gosh. It was like I wanted
GermX to rub everywhere. But just even talking
about it did stir up in me a hatred of limousines
and rental tuxedos. And your love for me. Like I don't want to think that
lots of other people have lost their virginity in this tuxedo. Oh. It just really broke
my heart, you know. But to fight to stay tender. But nowadays, guys, you could
buy tux or suit for $100. It's a different day. You get on like H&M and
you can buy a tuxedo. Pro tip, always
have a suit handy. For the cost of a rental,
you could own your own, and you're the only
person who's ever worn it. [LAUGHS] Just helping you out, guys. Just throwing that out there. All right, so that's number 5. Number 6, look for beauty. Found it. Aw. But seriously, look for beauty. And you're going to see
more of what you stare at. You could easily
spend your day finding the faults of your
spouse or you can choose to look for the
good, find the good. Well, because it's easy. It's easy to find the negative. It's easy because those
things yell at you. Because it's like, oh my
gosh, he's doing that again. Oh, ugh. But it's like you have to look. You have to specifically
focus and look for the good and look for things that you
can encourage, and that's huge. And last but not least,
consider yourself. There are days when you need to
say hard things to your spouse. This hurts me when you--
if you don't do that, you're going to
be like a volcano. I mean, it will be Mentos
and Diet Coke style, y'all. I mean it's going
to be an explosion. So it's not like, oh
yeah, you're so good. I love Jesus. Oh. It's like, no. Hey, look. Honey, I need--
and Jennie's really good at saying, hey, this
will be a hard conversation, and picking the time right and
getting the situation right. Someone's got the
kids, or whatever, when we're going to have a hard
conversation so there's time there. But before you do that, you
would presume to be like, hey, I need you to stop
this or this, da, da, or when you spend this
without talking to me, it frustrates me, or
whatever it is, right? I'm asking for a friend. [LAUGHS] It's good. When you first
consider yourself. Jesus said before you
would get a speck out of someone else's
eye, just check and see if there's
any 2 by 4 planks sticking out of your eye. And I don't think he means that
your sin's worse than theirs. If you're doing it
right, your sins, to you, should look like a plank
because they're so close to you. Yeah. If I had a speck in
my eye right now, it would appear to me like a
plank if I was looking at it. But if I chose to
look past it to her, I would think I could
get her plank out. But the reality is I
should consider myself-- what am I not doing right,
how am I letting her down-- before I would ever
have the audacity to have that
conversation with her. That is life-changing
marriage advice right there. Right. So good. Will you pray with us? Has this helped
anybody, before we pray? All right. OK. [APPLAUSE] In this moment, I know
that we have unearthed a lot for a lot of us here. And in this moment, I just
want to pray for any of us here who this message has
just hit in a certain way, no matter where you
are at relationally, in marriage, not married. But you today just
feel like God has spoken something precious
and special to you and you just want to
grow in this area. You want to be the fresh wife
that God's called you to be. You want to be the strong,
considerate husband that God's called you to be. You want to be,
if you're single, the full person who's
fully relying on Jesus and finding everything
in Him first. I just want to
ask, if that's you, if you've just felt touched
by this message in any way, that you feel like
God's speaking to you, I just want you to raise your
hands so I can pray for you. Father, I pray for these
all across our church. And I'm so thankful,
God, that as we open Your Word, that
You're so faithful to speak directly to us. And You're so faithful. You see the things
that we struggle with. You see the issues that
we carry and the burdens that we are carrying and think
that we can handle on our own. But I just pray for
each and every one of these who are raising
their hand, Lord, that You would remind them
right now that You love them and that You've
called them to this. As hard as this might be right
now, You've called them to it. And You're giving them
the necessary equipment and resources and strength and
power to face these things. I pray that You would equip all
of us as we view our spouse, as we serve and submit, in fear
of You, to our spouse as we study each other. Thanks so much for joining us
for this message on the Fresh Life YouTube channel. If you're not subscribed,
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and we'll see you soon.
