When You First Date Them, Look For These Signs

before you start dating it is so important to have a Clear Vision for the kind of person that you want to be with and how you want that relationship to be now this is the step that so many people skip especially people who are emotionally neglected as children it's it's like it's almost impossible for us before healing to imagine it or to imagine having what we want so we set our bar very low the clearer that you can be about the characteristics of a good partner and the more carefully you can honor what is most important to you in a mate the easier it will be to avoid heartbreak and entanglement that make the road to true love take so long and be so depleting and destructive so these are 12 signs I list them here they may sound like Nob brainers but if you're honest with yourself when you first met somebody you probably noticed this missing and you didn't do anything about it that's happened to most of us and then you paid the price now as I list these don't worry that you have to take notes I have them all written down in a PDF that you can download for free I'll give you a link at the end of the video but here they are these are the 12 things to look for when you first meet somebody all right number one is you feel romantically attracted to them and they show you in a big or a small way that they're attracted to you so this could be the small ways um and you won't always know if you're reading signs correctly but either they seek out a conversation with you or when you do talk to them they seem happy to talk they make eye contact they smile they act interested in what you say and they put a little effort into keeping the conversation going number two is they're not already in a relationship now clarifying this with someone that you've just met is a gentle way it's totally accepted culturally to just let them know you're interested it's not overstepping and you get to save face in case they are in a relationship so if you say h how interesting what you just said so are are you in a relationship and in case they say Yes actually I have a girlfriend and she's right over there you can quietly change your intentions without feeling embarrassed and now you have your answer yes they're in a relationship number three is they will clarify whether a get together is a date so let's say they show signs of Interest they're not in a relationship and one of you suggests getting together sometime if you are in doubt about whether they mean for it to be a date your mission is to get that clear ideally before the first date now if you still don't have Clarity don't agree to a second get together until the date or not question has been clarified and I know what you're thinking can't we just be friends if that's what they want and you can but I only recommend that you stay just friends with them if you're not attracted to them hanging out with someone you like romantically who is not into you drains your emotional energy and dims your emotional availability for someone who is into you this is number four they demonstrate an interest in getting to know you they don't just talk about themselves or they don't just try to impress you or talk about outside things like the news or the weather they ask you about you and anyone who's healthy and looking to be in a relationship will have that as their number one goal for a date they want to get to know you number five is they listen to what you say they understand you they get you not everybody gets you but this is what you is important in somebody if you're going to date them they have a conversation with you about what you said and it's not just taking turns asking and answering questions right they're listening number six is they make it clear that they are interested in you they don't leave you guessing for long there are circumstances where it's okay even though it's awkward to get to know someone through one or two or at most three get togethers and if you find yourself falling for them but afraid to ask if it's mutual and you've been hanging out with them for a while the answer is probably that they're not interested and you're avoiding the question because either you know the answer or you fear the answer is no but be courageous on this one healthy people like to get this clear and I encourage you to do it too so that you don't waste your lovely romantic possibilities waiting around in nervous place of limbo number seven is they're open about themselves and what they're looking for and it could be a red flag if they jump right in to tell you tragic stories or rants about their ex that screwed them over and this would mean they're in healing mode and not quite ready so your job is to get a sense of what is their vision for their life do they want marriage are they interested in having a serious relationship do they have children do they want to have children in the future Future these are major compatibility factors that you should know no later than the third date number eight is they are logistically available and that means they live in the same general area as you they have time for a relationship they don't have anything in their life that would get in the way of forming a commitment and I'm talking about things like an ex who's living in their basement or a job that keeps them out of town most of the time or they're about to move to another country number nine is they treat you and everyone else really well and this includes food servers other drivers people who bump into them on the street animals whose leash gets underfoot they are gentle and they're kind and respectful so you're watching for this if they can't be in those circumstances they would not make a good partner number 10 they're honest and if they notice the restaurant forgot to charge for the dessert they tell the restaurant if you ask them a question about themselves they answer they don't try to keep you from looking under the hood to find out what's really going on with them number 11 they are considerate about making plans with you they make it clear when a plan is firm they show up when they say they will show up and they call when they say they'll call they never leave you guessing about whether something they invited you to do was an invitation or just a random idea if plans have to change they tell you right away number 12 you feel good when you're around them you feel good not just because love is exciting and not just because there's hope that loneliness will be gone from your life this weekend these are legitimate reasons to feel good but it's not enough just to feel attracted or crazy about them or glad to have a date by itself this is not a sign the sign is that as a result of meeting them and spending time with them you feel lifted up you find yourself feeling good good about yourself like you want to be more and do more in your life in a way that's healthy and positive and fulfilling that's a sign that someone is a good match for you and ideally they'd have this lifted up feeling from being around you too so having a good relationship is something that can come to you as your trauma heals and it helps to have clarity about what you want and a community of people who understand and support you in making positive changes in your day life and good tools that help you face and heal the trauma wounds that have gotten in your way in the past that PDF download I mentioned it's right here and all you have to do is click on it and I'll see you very [Music] [Music] soon

Channel: Crappy Childhood Fairy

Views: 306,214

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Id: NTmOKJVxkSM

Length: 7min 55sec (475 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 29 2024