When A Marriage Dies – How Should We Respond? | Pastor Shane Idleman

[Music] it is a difficult message this morning I'll be honest with you we are still in the book of first corinthians first corinthians 10 if you have your bibles turn to their first Corinthians 10 I'm sorry first corinthians chapter 7 verse 10 and here's the topic when a marriage dies how should we respond when a marriage dies how should we respond and now I know what all the singles are doing right now they're getting ready to check out mentally how does this apply to me as a single well let me tell you what you better listen up big time because the most important decision you'll ever make apart from salvation I believe is when you say I do or you say I don't and I must move on because we're unequally yoked and I can't continue dating you or if you've been through the the fires of divorce you know exactly what I'm talking about the pain there so the wisdom of God's Word let that direct you as a single not worldliness not what the culture promotes so this message is very applicable to those who are married and also those who are single and this topic is a big one isn't not especially in the church when a marriage dies how should we respond because what is the question many people are asking you might not know this but a lot of Christians are looking for loopholes a lot of people are looking for loopholes how can I get out of this verses how can I make this work and just just I went on YouTube recently and I've given some messages in the in the past one is can I divorce my spouse because of adultery you can look that up on YouTube 70,000 views so far another one can I divorce my spouse because of abandonment or abuse another 70,000 view something and this must be a hot topic out there now here's why I want to be careful it's an important topic and as pastors we have to be careful to not go beyond what God's Word says but at the same time we have to offer biblical counsel wisdom I will just tell you personally I don't know if the last time I've wrecked amended divorce I think the heart of God is restoration I think we can contend for our marriages I think we're call to persevere and and stand with our mate and allow God to work in that however I'm not naive experience teaches you a great deal doesn't it I love to hear people teach on parenting and have no kids or divorce they lecture 26 year old because they're going through a divorce and they say oh now you're single for the rest of your life doesn't matter your husband cheated on you left you doesn't matter you need to be single just and they have but they have never experienced the pain of divorce they've never experienced the pain of abandonment or haven't your wife having or spouse having an affair they've never experienced now experience doesn't change God's truth but it softens your heart it humbles you it makes you say well maybe I don't have it all together and maybe I don't quite understand and the reason this is topic or hard topic is because the Bible in my opinion is fairly clear however there are Christian leaders that are divided on this topic they would say that you can if you experienced your divorce one group would say you can never ever remarry again unless your spouse dies we regardless of the situation there's another group that says no in the case of adultery and then Paul talks about abandonment what do we do with all that so just pray maybe quietly to yourself and just that God would give me the wisdom of a grace the gentleness the kindness all week I've been really struggling because I don't want to go beyond what God's Word say it says and give people permission to divorce but at the same time I see in Scripture that there are grounds for divorce and remarriage if adultery occurs if a person has has committed adultery in a consistent basis and they don't want to have anything to do with the marriage is that person free to marry again and the church is divided I probably will get emails for the of my life telling me I should repent to the congregation and never preach again and pastor again there are denominations who would not I think of the Assemblies of God if we're throwing out names might as well throw a name that I could I could never I could never preach or pastor because of my past in the 1990s I mean you can be a former homosexual you can be a former drug addict and be a pastor but god forbid you carry the big D on your shirt in your early years and you can never pastor again it doesn't make a lot of sense now depending on the marriage did someone recently get a divorce and they have no biblical grounds and yeah I don't think they can be put in a position of leadership anytime soon so there's so many variables and so many people like to just put a big umbrella over everything and just and just take that paintbrush and just say well you can never pastor again and if you want to hear my story hopefully I can explain it some some at some point or many of you have heard it before it is somewhat you know embarrassing to bring up your past is it not anybody have a bad past no not too many in the nine a.m. this is this is okay come on everyone in this room most of you should get your hands up but the irony is I would not be preaching today I would not have a tremendous amount of humility because of what God has done in my life I'm not a humble person I'm a prideful person working on humility on a daily basis but God used my past to break me and to crush me without that I wouldn't be here Lord knows where I would be but a long story short 1990s I was running in the wrong direction many of you some of you know my past chasing everything but God and boy that feels good for a season doesn't it it reminds me of a person way up on this river and they're relaxing on their on their float tube or whatever or they're tubing this river and they're drinking beer and oh this is so relaxing see this is fun what and there's maybe have a joint who knows and they're just they're just head and they're just having all this is so much fun like what is that noise what is that and Timmy says oh but that's called Niagara Falls you better get off that River quickly see so sin as it feels good for a season until that season is over and long story short I was a prodigal son I was married in my 20s committed she commits adultery but once that happened and we just all okay well this is this is over then I'm going crazy bars the party scene in my 20s and it ended up in her filing and leaving and everyone having thing to do with the marriage so that after a year broke me the first year you know you thought okay I'm gonna have fun and then you realized how depressing life is and that broke me at a state where I finally cried out to God I remember remember the house in court Co I remember the floor I remember everything that morning and I just repented and crying out to God and was filled with the Spirit of God that morning the Bible became alive back then I was picking up beer and watching CMT is it still on Country Music Television you remember Tim McGraw George Strait Conway Twitty George Jones before he died although some great drinking songs great country songs hitting the bars and Bakersfield and Las Vegas and and it was depressing and God God gave me a love for his word I'd begin to love his word and put on worship so everything started to change oh I love God I love the Lord look at what happened and I wanted to go and content for my marriage obviously and contended for months and years for a few years so don't tell me I don't need to be lectured by people online thinking they have they know the whole story they know that you will you then you should remain single well that means I wouldn't be married I wouldn't have kids and they don't understand the context of what happened according to again doesn't change God's word my experience doesn't change God's word but God's Word lines up with it so after a season of seeking Him and feeling released I began to - and that's when I met Morgan and God began to just confirm so many different things so I have experienced that pain I have experienced a lot of what people are going through I can relate to them I think people get divorced way too easily they don't contend they don't they don't seek God they move on to plan B and Plan A isn't even over yet so there needs to be a heart of restoration and renewal but scripture is clear in certain areas I believe when Jesus said that you should not divorce your spouse except for the case of for porneia P o RN e ia I believe in the Greek it's any sexual activity outside of marriage sex binds a marriage together and when a spouse decides to break that and it ruined and cut the commitment off and begins to give their heart to another and begins to be bound to this other person like harlotry adultery that breaks that covenant that the couple made now there's still hope they're still Redemption God can still work but there are clear-cut teachings now it does get difficult mental abuse angry homes physical abuse and I get really upset sometimes when I hear people tell like for example a wife well just look at the right word trust God and just stick with it honey yeah while you're being beat every other week and belittle then put down and manipulate it and lie - I don't think that's the heart of God now divorce I don't recommend it but I think Paul gives as a season where you separate because when separation occurs the the partner realizes what they're doing that they're destroying this marriage and so people who have an experience a difficult marriage it's like telling somebody have a have you ever any of you went through serious depression and you love when someone tells you let's just read the Bible just think positive thoughts come on pull yourself up get over this like you're just supposed to snap it but wait till they go through it wait till they go through it then then their heart changes so that's why this is a hard topic because just to be honest with you the majority the church is getting divorce and I'd say 90% of them do not have grounds my friends I've shared before recently the divorce just went through I know Christians moving on going on with their lives but think I know marriages that are being restored as well so that's why we have to be careful in this area and my encouragement is I tell the people please take it to God if there's Plan B remove Plan B what do you mean by Plan B you know what I mean by Plan B you're dating somebody in your mind hoping this doesn't work out that never works out you have to say I'm focusing on guy on what is your will for my life God please show me let me start by reading an excerpt from the book sacred sacred thirst the bride and the groom are standing in front of everyone looking better than they have ever looked before getting so much attention and affirmation everyone even stands when they walk in so it's easy to think this marriage is about them it's not just look at the worn-out parents sitting in the first pew they understand this the only reason these parents are still married is because long ago they learn how to handle the hurt they caused each other they know that the last thing you ever want to do with hurt is to let it define you that's really what happens with broken marriages we allow hurt to define us and the walls we build to protect us end up in prison so what is the answer well it's this might not this might take me to Sunday's I'm hoping to get through today so how can we undo the emotional pain that we've experienced from failed relationships first understand that our mind is where the battles are either won or lost those who do not forgive or release bitterness anger and hurt never experienced freedom happiness or true restoration it all starts here so the only thing you can do you can't change the heart of the person it takes to to marry but I think it takes one to divorce you can't change the decisions you can't change the heart of another person so as a believer though see there's so many different variables I could take this and so many directions what about if a believer has forgiven they're not holding on to bitterness but they're still in a terrible marriage there's still an abusive marriage what do you do Ephesians as you know let all bitterness wrath anger clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice and be kind of one - not one another tender-hearted forgiving one another even as God in Christ forgave you so there's a couple lessons here if a person is already doing this then they need to just continue doing it and allow God to continue to rebuild and redirect them in certain areas if a person hasn't done this before then I would encourage you to really look at your heart because most marriages are not fixed or renewed because the person or both parties are holding on to that bitterness to that that animosity and bringing up the past and different things and that make have a marriage work the offender must realize their fault and apologize and repent work on it the person who was hurt has to also release and work on forgiveness and see how the two come back together and renew that but if you have one over here not willing to participate it's hard for reconciliation to happen if at all so what's the answer the answer the shorts the short answer is take it to God in prayer and fasting God knows your situation don't go to Pastor and say do I have grounds for divorce go to God and see what God what are you doing what are you ministering in my heart is a separation okay do I can I separate from my spouse during this season and just seek you god I need to know you I need to show you and what the wonderful thing that God does is through that pain through that adversity he picks you up and he holds you that Shepherd holds you it reminds me of the story of the shepherd who would breaked the lamb break the leg of the lamb that was wandering from the flock and then he would hold that lamb and through that broke and dependent relationship that lamb would learn to rely on the shepherd and see that's what happens often use it let allow that brokenness to create and just a thrive and a love and a desire for God see I believe also the greater the brokenness sometimes the greater the anointing the greater the brokenness the more God can use you the greater the broken it's a greater level of humility the greater the brokenness the greater the dependence upon God all those who have been forgiven much love much you go talk to the prostitute in Jesus's time she weapons she love God the Pharisees who knew the law of God they knew the Word of God had no love and no humility but you go to the person broken by life and and and just a deep desire for God and saying God you restore me you restore me that person has a deep and abiding relationship with God yes there's pain but when you rather live in God's arms of forgiveness and restoration and have that relationship and have him get you through the pain then live outside of that so yes there is pain but most people I've talked to who have had a challenging marriage say either two things and there's some here this morning there's gonna be some at the second service they say but Shane makes Cupid God is good and they begin to cry my relationship with God is oh god I look forward to worship mornings I look forward to and they just love that see they have tremendous pain but they have this love for God in this relationship with God that you couldn't you couldn't buy if you wanted to they've got more peace than the CEO with a contempt marriage and kids and the white picket fence and all that or you have the person who is bitter and angry bitter and angry at God bitter and angry at life and they stay bitter and angry can you imagine the 26 27 year-old going through divorce room bitter at 38 at 48 at 58 and they died that bitter person that's one reason I want to preach this messages encourage you to turn it over to God and let God rebuild that brokenness I don't quote this person too much but I might a little bit more Johnny Cash I'm reading his book right now the Greg Laurie recommends and it is good talk about a story of redemption and falling forward and getting back on track and and he said the most and I highlighted it last night I want to share this with you the most miserable men and women in the world are the ones who know the will of God but don't do it and that was his demons he knew the will of God but still would turn back to that that lifestyle and I believe so many Christians are miserable because they know the will of God they know they know have you ever been there god I know what you want me to do this is what you want me to do but I'm over here I'm miserable I'm depressed and you're over here but the good thing is God says just jump back over just just repent and come back thank God for God and his heart just come back aren't you glad he's not like us well I'm gonna watch for a year and when I see some real change and when you go to church every Sunday and you begin to tithe we check your tax records you begin to do all these things you read the by then I'll consider it he doesn't do that he just says return come home Michael Reagan the son of Ronald Reagan he wrote of his parents divorce divorce is where two adults take everything that matters to a child the child's home family security in a sense of being loved and protected and they smash it to pieces and leave it in ruins on the floor then walk out and leave the child to clean up the mess so here's why this is challenging for a preacher on one hand people are listening they're gonna feel convicted they're gonna feel bad because of their past they can't read that they can't redo what they've already done let me encourage you to turn over turn it over to God if this is your situation give it over to God he can rebuild he can renew he can give you hope again he can rebuild that relationship if you're on the brink of divorce and you think kids are resilient they'll bounce back trust me that's not the case it's a lie from the pit of hell it affects him at a very deep level God created man and woman to marry to raise children in that nurturing home where the man's influence and the woman's influence complement each other not better than they complement each other that's why this big huge LGBT movement gay marriage and saying with two men - what that is not a good idea for children that is not a good idea and I could even get in trouble for saying this I believe that's a form of child abuse when you subject little kids to something that is not of God is not godly and it is perverted yes that will get me in trouble I don't care anymore somebody's got to speak the truth somebody's got to say what the truth is see I can love people that struggle with that but disagree with their lifestyle I can love I love the kids I love the families that struggle with but it's not how God designed it and whether are we as a culture gonna stop fighting God stop shaking our little fists at God and saying nope this is how we want to do it there's beauty in the home where a husband is surrendered to Jesus not perfect loving his wife like Christ loved the church not perfectly and the wife is there nurturing the children the father's there that that's the kids grow and flourish like it like a well watered flower in a garden and you see all the whatever he's like mass shootings isn't what's going on tell you what's going on the family deteriorated decades ago and we are reaping the whirlwind of what has started in the family you go back to the 50s if you look at the family unit how it's been dissolving and that's this is the price we are paying it's their hope I believe so if we turn to God now to the message introduction how did I do 30 kept-kept the introduction under 30 minutes don't worry this might take two Sundays first Corinthians 7:10 here we go but really on something like this you have to set the stage you can't just you know jump right into this without giving some backdrop of what's going on in marriages and in our culture 1st Corinthians 7:10 now Paul is writing to the church in Corinth just like he would write to us because they had some questions now to the married I command yet not i but the Lord in other words Paul you'd see sometimes transitioning from hey I think this is a good recommendation I mean we do that we do that sometimes as a pastor I'll say hey I think this is the direction you should go I think this is good advice here's what I would do but God's Word isn't clear you know it's a gray area on this but or you tell someone hey this is what this is a command from God's Word this is what God says and this is very important so he's saying this is a command from God if a why a wife is not to depart from her husband see that's that's the that's the idea that the to become one flesh see I think if Scripture was elevated more and people are talking more about marriage they might not say I do so quickly they might not pick the person they met at the bar after a six-pack oh but Shane he's my soul mate we just love each other know you've known each other for three days it's called lust let's just we're sure these tears straight are we come on you don't date people you aren't attracted to you you should date people you're attracted to say attraction is initially what happens and then the lusts of the flesh starts to take in and take over and you start to compromise mm-hmm they're not I think they're Christian they said they were there goes to compromise they said they'll go to church if I go is that a curtain well if they're not already going red flag ding ding ding ding ding ding ding I he's got an anger problem but I can fix that that usually multiplies it doesn't I've had people like well he checks his cell phone against the wall and breaks my stuff but I love him I know he has an issue of pornography and but he told me I can help him with that when we get married see see how deceptive the lust of the flesh is the attraction use wisdom that's what we should learn from Scripture you use wisdoms so when we say I do we're saying I don't to a lot of other things but I know in a group this size many people listening now live you have a pass like I had and you can't rewind it but let me just give you that encouragement you plus God is a majority God looks you your heart like God told David you've shed too much blood you can't you can't build the temple you can't rebuild the temple or David you can't build actually there was a first one but he said but I see your heart I see your heart and I'll count it to you as if you did and that that scripture really helped me many years ago it's like you know I can't I can't fix my past but God God says I see your heart and that you would do that even though you can't I see your heart I'm gonna count it to you as if you could I'm gonna honor that I'm gonna bless you and see how it's always getting back on track with God so he said a wife is not to depart for her husband but even if she does depart let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband and a husband is not to divorce his wife now pretty clear however there's a lot of gray area so let's talk about that so we have two options from first Corinthians right remain single or reconcile not remain not separate go meet someone else and then think about what your options are that do you know that's what most people do I'm not gonna throw out numbers as direct numbers here but 80% of the people I've talked to who are separated they already have a girlfriend a boyfriend I wanna shake my divorce isn't final yeah but you know I meant such-and-such and this might work out good if this isn't like well no God's not gonna Gaza doesn't negotiate you have to get everything in your favor break off that distraction is what I call it break off that hindrance to prayer and let God do what God does you can't have backup plans it can't be a but God if you don't do this I've got this over here that's not faith that's not trust that's disobedience you have to say God I'm giving up everything and you show me what to do you bring the right person at the right time and the right setting with the right environment I'm trusting you that's how that's how you trust God so you either remain single or you reconcile now if I could interview all of you I would probably have a hundred different scenarios remain single what does that mean well let's say somebody is an abusive relationship and there's some things I could share that would break your heart break your heart to how people talk to their children and talk to their spouse I remember hearing of one person who his brother died oh it was actually Johnny Cash's book told you in my Courtney Moore but when his brother Jack died on a farm accident his dad said I wish it was you that died and not Jack can you imagine living with that see the words we say so if you're living with someone like that Buse if it's hard I I don't have a problem personally with a person I have to step out of this I have to separate from this toxic dangerous environment with the kids or and I have to I have to separate have to go to my mom I have to go somewhere so you're not running to plan B you're not gonna go date you're not hitting the bar scene you are separating for the health of your marriage and your mental and emotional health I don't have a problem with that and the people who get mad at me actually for suggesting this are usually the husband's who don't like my advice for that I think yeah I think he needs to move out because you're being a jerk you're being mean-spirited you're nasty you're mean you're arrogant you're angry I think she should but not for C you don't separate with divorce as the goal we separate for healing and restoration as the goal so when you separate the spouse wakes up and say look what I'm about ready to lose hopefully hopefully but this time of being apart is when I encourage people to seek God even more pray and more seek God more see what God does so I don't have a problem with people according to Scripture here separating with the hope of reconciliation well how long do I have to remain single well you're asking the wrong person I only know one person who knows the answer and that's who you need to be seeking because there's so many variables what about the spouse isn't changing what about the spouse now has a girlfriend is that would be considered a tall tree or boyfriend what about they're filing furtive hour a main single how long I would contend until there's peace seek God let him show you that answer I would never give anyone the answer because I don't know I thought there was recently I thought there's no way this is gonna work out just recently I thought there's no way this is gonna work out this is going to divorce I guess what's working out what happens when both men and women are filled with the Spirit of God and they're broke and their humble restoration see the Holy Spirit's never divided so to get restoration a marriage the Holy Spirit and the believer in the Holy Spirit and the other believer has to be submitted to the work of the Spirit and God brings that relationship back together so without that it's a tough journey it's it's it's hard because you're forcing the flesh to do something and then there's ulterior motives how many times have I heard divorce is gonna cost me a boatload of money guess I better stay and work it out well that's not gonna work see humble hearts broken before God so two options you remain single or you reconcile but people I believe can depart what about there's abuse mental anguish unhealthy environment addictions there's there's places where a mom might have two young kids and the guys coming home or vice versa this has happened before it were the one coming home always maybe taking speed or crystal meth or heroin or fentanyl now the big thing and they're coming home and they're not a good parent they're not gonna they're destroying or and what am I supposed to do well the Bible says just stay there contend with it deal with it know that you might need to separate put your kids in a good environment we'll be with their grandkids and you get healing and wholeness while this joker gets broken before God and repents so you've got to get bold sometimes on these kind of messages I'm tired of families disintegrating and being destroyed because we have this Playboy mentality and we think that we can just do whatever we want God says he told Malik I believe as a prophet Malachi I hate divorce God said I hate it I create a male and female to come together a union and Brett and bring forth godly offspring and the example of Christ in the church I hate divorce and we need to look at it that way the same way God looks at it so I told you this would be relevant for singles as well look for red flags now the best advice I can give to singles is follow completely after Jesus and see if that person you're considering dating is keeping up are they pushing you towards Christ or are they pulling you away you start dating you start dating and you say listen I'm committed to sexual purity until I get married watch what they do alright well if you insist red flag red flag or are they on the same page you watch him how did they act how does a man act around his mom how does a woman act around her husband or father watch him in good setting some bad settings financial difficulties you watch because you're using wisdom you're using wisdom God is this who you is this is this is this should I date should i court you know there's big debates out there just whatever you do is it God honoring is it God honoring I don't think people should date in the sense of let me try this one out let me try this one out let me try this one let me try this one out you meet somebody church or a good environment you say you know there's a possibility here and you pray you pray it guarding maybe God will open that door and you use wisdom and and you allow God to - to bring that together so if you want to call that dating or courting or whatever you know there's a time you need to spend with them and their family to see now let me just tell you up front you're gonna not gonna find perfection anything you're gonna you if you if you want to you will find red flags it depends how bigger the red flags you know what what what do we not agree on what do we agree on are these are these hills to die on or these big deals or these not big deals so singles just be very careful look for look for red flags pray to God and don't let the lust of the eye and the lust of the flesh dictate your your decisions they should be the caboose of the train right not the engine not driving it verse 12 but to the rest I not the Lord say okay so now Paul saying well here's a good recommendation if any brother has a wife who does not believe and she is willing to live with him is that interesting let him not divorce her so if any brother has a wife who does not believe and she is willing to live with him let him not divorce her and a woman who has a husband who does not believe if he is willing to live with her let her not divorce him so in other words here we go unequally yoked is interesting God's Word says do not be unequally yoked but when you are here's how to handle it so what when God gives us his word Commandments he's trying to avoid a lot of trying to have us avoid a lot of pain and do things the right way so if you have an unbelieving spouse the Bible encourages you to stick with them if they are willing to stay willing to be in the marriage so in other words if unequally yoked don't unyoke don't say well we're not any queer unequally yoked I'm I'm just going to break this off if they're willing to stay there God encourages us to allow that relationship to continue why well let me get to that in a minute basically what this means is if the person is willing to accept your lifestyle and beliefs I don't think this is give us a picture of a person saying I hate your god I hate Church you never go into Church it's a picture of like well okay I don't know I'm not a believer I don't really agree necessarily you can go to church I'll try to go sometimes but I want to live with you I want to stay married I don't you stay in that environment why well he says in verse 14 for the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband now this doesn't mean saved because they were just called an unbeliever so what is he talking about here otherwise your children would not because they would be unclean but now they are holy so let's just unpacked out for a minute sanctified the word if you look at that means set apart means set apart so if you have a believing spouse in the home there is there is hope for that home there is more of God than in a godless home so in a home where there's no believer that's a godless home but if you have a home where there's a believer a believing spouse and they're contending for their marriage you're contending for their children they're praying for their children are going to church there's a covering there of God's blessing and honor that's not gonna be found in the house of all unbelievers there that one person remember you plus God is a majority but if the unbeliever departs let him depart a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases uh-oh you ready to get controversial don't get tired just yet don't get hungry we're almost there but the unbeliever departs let him depart is how he's saying bye don't let the door hit you on your way out get out let him depart a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases see this is the big controversial one but God has called us to peace for how do you know a wife whether you'll save your husband or how do you know a husband whether you'll save your wife so starting at the sanctified part they are set apart for God even and even if there's an unbeliever the godly influence will may lead to salvation so if you have godly influence in the home it could lead to salvation and your children and your spouse the Spirit is working in that house is it not you get a wife or a husband that gets up in the morning they pray for their family they read a Word of God they do the best they can they serve God God's going to honor the prayers of that people so that home is sanctified there's a special covering there that you're not gonna find an unbelieving home now it's not the same I believe it's to two believers in the same house but the Spirit of God is working there and that that spouse is supposed to stay there for the sake of their husband and their children now the kids are holy theirs I looked at five different commentaries and they're all divided the bottom line to me is the kids are blessed when one parent contends for their faith and for their household the kids are blessed or there's a holiness there the kids are know what whether the age of the kids two years old versus twelve I mean age accountability there's a lot I mean we could spend a half hour there if you'd like but I'm assuming we most most of us agree that the children are better off in a home where even one parent is contending versus no one contending at all so the encouragement is don't give up look up because there's many people here or even listening that will hear this I'm the only one in my home standing for faith my kids don't respect me they listen to garbage my husband won't support me God says you plus me is a majority you keep seeking me even though you don't see the fruit you don't know what's being grown underneath you don't even know the water that I've been watering I'm about ready to explode on your house and open doors that no man can shut and let the Spirit of the Living God go and convict your children and your husband don't give up look up stay on your knees before me stay in the prayer closet stay worshiping me man looks at the outer but God sees what's going on in the heart oh I feel that strongly that's gotta be for someone if not I just wasted two minutes don't give up I've seen God work and work often he'll get you to plain a brokenness and tears that God I see nothing but I'm trusting in you that is real faith is it not it's easier I have great faith and God sure your kids are in church your husband's reading the word I would too but what kind of faith do you have when it seems like life is falling apart that's where faith that's where rubber meets the road the real faith is God I trust you even though I don't see it that's faith same thing in our families in our marriages so the big question here we go I'm only halfway through I guess we're gonna have to do part two the big question when to hold on and when to move on whoo when do I hold on to content and when do I move on I had to fight that one and there's a lot I want to share with you how many can make it back next week oh I'm gonna try how many can make it back and see every hand go up there we go it's a lot better in person than watching online but this is so important that I don't want to rush through it if an unbeliever departs let him depart a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases what does that mean so can I divorce my spouse can I divorce I mean if they just leave me I'm not under bondage what does that me and again I want to take time I don't want to rush through that but let me answer the question first and before I get to the rest of this next week which is the good the good part about this is I already have next week's sermon done so now I can work on Psalm the Psalms study which I'm so excited to be I'm reading in addition to preparing for some reading Spurgeon's commentaries on new songs man talk about heavy hard-hitting good godly information these guys in the 1800's could write 1700s and were distracted by the phone and the media and they could just sit and seek god it sit by a creek and read their Bible for four hours don't you get jealous but anyway I'm going to talk about that Spurgeon's I believe it's called treasures of David and I'm reading commentary so Psalm next Wednesday is going to be good for those who maybe have heard through divorce make sure to be here but the big question when to hold on when to move on maybe this will be for someone what I had to do I was coming back to God on fire for God God was calling me to preach can you imagine that even late twenty-nine God's calling me to preach I'm like what is this this is not good I hate public speaking I hate I can't I stutter I can't read well I can't I can't I can't public speak but when the Living God begins to pour out and your heart and that boldness becomes becomes real in your life so I'm contending that my spouse is like I'm out here and it's okay Mia Morgan talked about this before it's a good it's actually a good story so three years go by what am i doing Plan B's no no Plan B's now through that time too I live perfectly no of course not David I would repent and Lord it's hard when you go out of a certain lifestyle immediately you know just change everything sometimes that lifestyle call us your name Johnny Cash book American and it just calls you back and you have to fight that that that what is that what is that Delilah calling me back and you fight this but what but I was contending for my marriage that's why I believe God calls us to do it's contending I was praying I was fasting I was doing everything right but I just felt often the sense of release and moving for him like how can I do what God's call me dude I feel he's calling me to preach I feel but this but we're unequally yoked at this point they're going in this direction I'm going this direction so wait and wait and wait and I remember I'll never forget the day I went in for prayer and I left so depressed I left so depressed I'll never forget their words this is year a couple years into it I'm on fire for God I'm ready to start my life now in 29 30 may 20 and they said you have to wait and contend until the day you die even if it's never restored you can never get remarried but she's living with her boyfriend getting married soon doesn't matter and I remember I was so confused now if that's what God's Word says that's what God's Word says and we live with it but I don't think it does I'm gonna explain that next week I believe there are certain situations where God releases a person and we need to stop beating people up and acting like divorce is the unpardonable sin rejecting Christ is we need to have a lot more love and grace in the church isn't it funny how the person hooked on pornography and as a glutton is mean to a spousal put-down somebody divorced 20 years ago just cracks me up it's just like you just want to slap them and I know it's not I know it's not right that so anyway anyway you do you never want to slap somebody no like to wake up not here but slat wake up wake up so anyway three years now uh this is the funny I don't know if I should tell this story cases persons listening they might be listening I don't know anyway this this couple invited me like a blind date to go to church it was a Saturday Sunday night in Lancaster so here's this guy I'm a church get on fire for God again they all you got to meet my sister you set it up you know I get them like oh no no but but then I'm convicted like God I'm going to church for the wrong reason I'm on fire for you so now I'm at this an evening service for young adults I'm just worshiping God you know and I'm just just we'll just work and then I see Morgan like holy smokes oh don't do no no no not no no but see that's the dilemma because you should be attracted to who you're married to I think all right God for God forbid you're not so you know I see here I'm watching is she really worshiping is she bringing guys to church and just watched you know and the pastor's wife at that time have you met that shame guy and no yeah well actually we went on a date a year and a half prior and just didn't work out she was still kind of not fully surrendered I wasn't fully surrendered I got now didn't work out so year and a half later God brought us back and went to dinner I think was L trio with the Palmdale Mall and we set there for three hours and I mean just like wow this is incredible but again what does God's Word say not experience so I go back I'm struggling with like my ex is in a different state moving on I'm like what do I do I'm talking in a year and I said more I told Morgan I said I need to least email her and say I've met someone I'm moving on I need to know I need to know is God been working your heart is is there any you know where are you at with all this and I'll never get the email was like in paraphrasing leave me alone I'm done move on with your life for the love of God okay okay hi Chad I can play that game now granted that week prior my mom said exactly what I have been feeling she goes why don't you email this person and just see where their outs been almost a year and that was exactly what I had registering in my spirit to do so I look at Scripture as released not under bondage in such cases not only release and you're not bound I think there's Paul saying you're not bound up but Jesus didn't say it Paul did well we'll get to that next week but if they leave they depart they say I'm out here you're no longer what does bound mean slavery right you're no longer tied to that relationship so if I'm sitting there waiting year in and year out I'm still bound to that relationship I'm still tied to it I'm not he goes on to say that he wants his children to live in peace so there's no peace I'm gonna be bound to this for the rest of my life see you the person myself in this case and I was a terrible husband so I'm not trying to you know I it was not good so I never want to blame another person I take responsibility actually as the man I have to take responsibility for that failure hands now but there was forgot where I was out where was I just going what point you offer different answers out here anyway so there was there was there was it was a good point to lure bring it back bring that point back oh yeah so under bondage so if I'm under bondage okay so wait the person let's say let's use a different sample the person who spouse walked away divorced them commit adultery but now they can't go remarry they're a double victim not only are they the victim of a failed marriage and somebody who's left them now they're bound and they can never move forward for the rest of their life that doesn't make any sense to me and again we're gonna unpack scripture because you do have two sides to this but some people say well again on next week's I'm going there will be another ten minutes so at that point there so that means now meeting Morgan God calling us to plant the church and having five wonderful kids people say that's not of God you're in sin still how that doesn't make any sense to me God called me the pastor God we're changing lives there's tons of fruit you did you follow me the three years before that when I was single on my face before God weeping crying contending asking God show me taking dries hours-long going to different churches saying god you need to answer i need to hear what your word is I'm not going out getting drunk and carousing I'm on my face before God at 4:00 in the morning till 8:00 in the evening sometimes God I'm seeking you and he sought and he delivered me and he directed me see they don't tell you all that they just look at your life they'll divorce in your past disqualified now if somebody leaves your spouse without biblical grounds they are disqualified from leadership there is that but there's you can't just put everyone in the same camp without understanding the story fully unpacking things how much time is went by hello you are you what about if you were all judged on what you did in your 20s come on let's see more smiles than that but that's what people like to do they like to go back to your past but I know at the core it's demonic when people want her ass you or the ministry or what God's going to do and they want to go anytime you people want to go back to your past way back to your past I think we should learn from it there are cons but anytime they want to go back that's called condemnation and you don't know how many times the enemy has condemned me who do you think you are how can you talk to people about this subject you weren't a good how can you do how can you do this but I often answer I say I can't but God can devil haven't you read the Bible I have this earth we are we are these earthen vessels which means broken fragile pottery that the excellency and the power is of God and not of us so God takes the broken and he rebuilds them he takes the pieces that have been shattered and rebuilds it that song that they sing out of the ashes I will arise that's when God when you are the most broken that's when God does his best work and you wonder how many people are missing the blessings of God missing that powerful relationship because they're not broken enough they're not humble enough so this morning we're gonna pray specifically next door it's been a I don't know if you guys are you know if it's well we've been gone but the last couple weeks before he left the prayer room as I'm incredible people are lined up out in the hallway we're seeing marriages restored we're seeing people come to know the Lord just saying hey let me pray with you let me pray with you I was at Grace Fest last night I just did a five-minute announcement about just real quick and I said I would love to pray with you if you want to meet us over at the booth I had no idea if you'll be stopping by for the next hour praying one gentleman came up said I don't think I know God I need to know Jesus would you pray with me you don't know what God does through the power of prayer so we're gonna be praying does anyone know a marriage it needs to be prayed for every hand needs to go up in this room if we want to pray for your marriage for a friend's marriage meet us next door if you're a single who needs direction you don't know what God's will is let us pray with you even if your kids if your kids and you want to pray for your marriage your parents meet us next door we want to contend for our families we want to contend for what the enemy is trying to ruin do you see how it starts at the family that's where that's where it's going you preach messages like this and people get upset but you can have transgenders read that libraries and that's okay god help us is right we need what's gonna move this protesting I know 2020 that'll fix this you don't see the writing on the wall whoever is in 2020 is gonna be the next civil war in America if we're not careful tension is very high our only hope and I'm all in for voting I'm gonna be preaching voting so get used to it and I'm all for contending for it for things like that and but the bottom line is prayer is our most powerful weapon you can protest you can sign petitions you can register to vote all good stuff but prayer has got to be because then it's targeted then the Spirit of the Living God goes forth and does change in our nation so we're going to pray we're gonna be a praying church every Sunday morning 6 a.m. we are here praying and worshiping we'd love to have you join us love I know it's I know it's hard to get out of bed I had the first time and a couple years I'd to set my alarm this morning goes up late and that thing beep to my god Kali and then after preach but once you get here it's so rewarding if you're tired lay on the floor I did this morning land the floor and just cry out to God God changed me see guys we have to get serious now church is normal isn't gonna cut it just coming to church now and then and quick devotionals in these dire times we have to do warfare that means that means a few hours of praying sometimes that means not being in a hurry that means saying I'm not getting lunch I'm staying for the second service let's go into extended worship and let's pull down heaven you need to leave that's fine but some of us want to pull down heaven and contend for our families so we are going to be next door if you want prayer but I also want to remind you that we're gonna have communion as well it's up front up in the balcony communion what is communion we're remembering what Jesus did what did Jesus do well if you're believer communions for believers God Jesus reconciled us we're talking about reconciliation of marriage is that interesting God reconciled us through Christ Jesus as to a relationship with him and that's what we take communion I'm not going to come back up we're gonna take it at your leisure during the next few songs we also have baptisms after the second service so if you want to get baptized let us know we'd love to have you just get baptized after the second service but I'll leave you with this question for some of you are you reconciled with God see I mean people sometimes they have a decent marriage but they're not saved many many AAA meetings across our nation are meeting this morning sober but not saved they're content like Ray Comfort when he spoke here he said he was content things were going good but they're not saved so think about that question think about that question do you truly know Christ do you truly know Christ I got permission to mention this briefly but I'm kind of going back and forth I prayed with a man right before we left for vacation I prayed from right there in that prayer room he took his life this week and it broke me why didn't I ask him if you'd knew Jesus sure I prayed we prayed love the church God brevity of Life Church we've got to be a praying church [Music] [Music] [Music]

Channel: Westside Christian Fellowship

Views: 6,418

Rating: 4.9613528 out of 5

Keywords: Shane Idleman, Westside Christian Fellowship, Westside Christian, Westside Christian Fellowship Leona Valley, Westside Christian Leona Valley, WCF, WCFAV, God, Jesus, Jesus Christ, Christian, Christianity, Sermon, Message, Service, Gospel

Id: jmfANm_NhJM

Length: 58min 44sec (3524 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 09 2019