Can I Divorce My Spouse Because of Adultery by Shane Idleman

[Applause] if you have your Bibles you can turn to Matthew chapter 19 Matthew chapter 19 and I will tell you upfront that this is going to be a controversial sermon in the next week or two if I don't get through all of it tonight which I know I want what we're talking about is divorce and remarriage divorce and remarriage and there's not a month that goes by that I don't get a rebuke from somebody online saying that you can only divorce or you can't divorce unless somebody dies it's the only way you can get remarried if your spouse dies now what I want to do though the title the message was can I divorce my spouse can I divorce my spouse and it turned into two messages I think next week I'm going to tackle abandonment or if you're abandoned by your spouse we got to talk about abuse as well so I added can I divorce my spouse because of adultery can I divorce my spouse because of adultery we're in Matthew 19 we're starting that that's what Jesus is going to talk about so I think we're on good ground talking about what he's talking about but I will let you know up front that I move in this area cautiously and carefully because only God can answer this question I truly believe I've got away from recommending divorce I'm not going to yell that's what you have definitely have grounds go for it because I believe in restoration I believe in seeking God with all of our heart with all of our strength and I don't think a pastor anybody should be able to tell you in this area yes you can now I can say here's my thoughts here's here's what I believe here's what I believe the Bible says and that there the church is divided on this area we'll talk about that as we get into this but I believe that only God can answer this question because I don't have all the information because everybody will tell you what you want to hear and they'll paint this picture in such a light and on this canvas of of you'll you have to come to the conclusion oh sure you've got grounds for divorce why didn't you dump that loser months ago because I'm hearing that aspect of it but not what God is doing in your heart or his heart or vice versa so I I to not tell somebody yes go get divorced and you have grounds for it you better do it quickly because I want them to seek God and I can offer insight and input but that's why I want to move carefully and cautiously because this is a big deal this this is a big deal God hates divorce and anybody who's been there knows why it destroys it ruins it's it's it's very destructive let me read what Michael Reagan the son of Ronald Reagan wrote on his parents divorce divorces were two adults take everything that matters to a child the child's home family security and the sense of being loved and protected and they smash it to pieces leave it in ruins on the floor then walk out and leave the child to clean up the mess and that's why this is a big big issue and you know I'm going to be careful here but I'm also going to shoot you straight and I've observed over the last year or so I've obviously have you as have you have you've known people who have divorced right or separated and and it's an epidemic in the church and not just this church everywhere and I would say as God is my witness the last 10 or 12 dozen or so divorces that I've seen or where people are separated right now have no biblical grounds or they could have worked through it but chose not to and again this is my from my vantage point 80 to 90 percent of the divorces we're seeing have no biblical grounds and if they do they're on very shaky ground and that's why this is a big issue it's an epidemic but what we need to do and again I want to make that clear I am a big fan of restoration I believe in the God who restores even if adultery occurs it's not the important above sin rejecting Christ is so even though I've seen marriages where that has occurred come back even stronger yes it's painful yes it is destructive yes there are consequences but God restore so I'm a big fan of restoration that's usually where my heart's going in that direction and people then are hurry to get a divorce that's often not a good thing because the heart's not right so but first I want to lay the foundation before I read Matthew 19 we read this probably a year ago but Jesus said Matthew 7 starting verse 24 therefore whoever hears these sayings of mine and does them this is crucial this is this is marriage counseling 101 right here whoever hears these sayings of mine and does them even when they're separated even when they're difficult marriage even even when life is challenging even through all of that he who hears my sayings and does them I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock and the rain descended the floods came in the winds blew and beat on that house and it did not fall for it was founded on the rock so Jesus is saying those who hear what I'm saying and they do it they're like the person who built their house on the rock and any time we talk about the subject of marriage separation divorce we have to look at this this this scripture is this being obeyed is Jesus's words not just being heard but are they being obeyed and right there's the problem - there's the the answer to 90% of the marriage problems right here hearing but not doing hearing but not doing and then those who hear my words but don't do them or building their house on the sand building their marriage on the sand of the sinking sand of man's philosophy so that's the foundation we look at what God's Word says and then we apply it even we don't feel like it yeah especially when you don't feel like it that's actually when it that's when we're supposed to apply it I have to forgive that person I don't feel like it exactly I have to train my children in the fear and admonition of the Lord I don't feel like I just want to watch Netflix for three hours right you never can go by that these feelings that are cont a contrary often to God's Word and I've said this a lot I don't want to you know bleh bur this point but I think it needs to be repeated that we actually live in deception when we hear God's Word but we don't apply it so you have many marriages and turmoil or heading to divorce court they know what to say they hear it they know it but because they don't apply it James 1:22 be hearers of the word or actually be doers of the word not hearers only deceiving your own self so we have to remember this we live in deception when we're not obeying the Word of God period Shane can you candy-coat that and sugarcoat a little bit no I can't because it's it's crystal clear in Scripture so for if we're not if we're not building on the foundation that's why it's coming apart often and here's the battle we must do what is right regardless of feelings this is why obedience to God's Word and a genuine relationship is so important because my relationship with Christ and obeying His Word that's what steers the vessel the feel come on feelings you're coming you're following me I'm not going that direction and that's why it's so important as a person seeking God and obeying his words the feelings come later but we want to be led by feelings I just don't feel a certain way and feelings actually are wonderful it's one reason why we are not robots can you imagine life void of feelings are you happy or you shatter your joy form just nothing I just I don't feel anything there's a birth of a child well that's wonderful what's for dinner you know I'm getting married later today I guess it's something to be excited about I don't know who's playing who's playing the Broncos you know there's just no feelings so I believe that God gave us feelings to experience him experience life thank God for that I don't like the Downers but thank God for the the the the joy and all these things the unspeakable joy sometimes of following Christ but they should not and I've said this before but feelings are the caboose of the Train they're not the engine so when it comes to marriage remarriage divorce you can't trust feelings and now you know I'm not talking about spiritual discernment here right because spiritual discernment is like this just doesn't feel right to mice this doesn't feel right you know especially if you're dating somebody you're like you know this is not going anywhere this isn't Phil right that's spiritual discernment that's good but spiritual discernment lines up with truth feelings often take you away from truth and people get in relationships they shouldn't be in just because it feels right they're going outside of God's parameter just it just feels right Janet Phil you know they know you're unless not love it just looks right it doesn't feel right and we get caught up in in trusting those feelings and feelings weren't given to guide us they were given to follow a right decision think about young adults teenagers how many problems do they get in because it just feels right you think Nikes onto something just do it just do it and that's that's actually why we're in the situation we're in with our nation we're going by how feelings make us feel versus what is the true say and this is interesting I actually just wrote this down today I was reading a good book it's about a hundred years old I can't remember whether it's a biography of somebody and he made his statement in there I did you know and you read something just put the book down and just ponder it for a minute this guy was pondering he was fighting with God I don't know if you've ever done that before it's not fun about yet he was going to surrender his life he knew what that meant and he saved but he's surrendering his self his ambition his pursuit of money he knows what's is going to cost him he says okay Lord you have it all but he couldn't do it after five or six days a week he couldn't surrender that will that would he couldn't do it and he made a point here he said the will our will will never want to submit to God's will we have to ask God to come in and help us and and give us that ability to submit to his will and he said two opposing wills will never come into alignment so when you're when you when your wills going against God's will that will never come into alignment the idea is to redirect your will to go in alignment with God's will because his will won't change his will you might as sure as that Sun is coming up tomorrow morning his will will not change and you have to opposing wills and God will not force he will not manipulate he's not going to cause you to do something and so you have to get your your will in alignment with his will and that's the same thing on this message for couples marriage can you imagine aligning our will with God's will that's when things to begin to fall in place so we go outside of that we're actually fighting against God and we're going against his will against what we know to be right so that's the backdrop and then we get into Matthew 19 beginning verse 3 the Pharisees also came to him testing him and saying to him which is Jesus is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason and jesus answered and said to them have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female and said for this reason because God created the male and female for this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife now I don't know if you caught it at much but when people say Jesus didn't say anything about gay marriage well that speaks volumes in my opinion God made them male and female he created them to fit together to come together and to be one flesh anything outside of that it's called perversion that's where the word pervert comes from perversion you're perverting God's perfect plan and design so something I take offense at the word perversion well that's what is happening you're perverting his truth so Jesus right here are saying that that's that's marriage that's God's ideal his plan is for a man and woman to come together and to be joined and the two shall become one and I'm not going to get into the physical makeup and different things you guys are no you know what he's talking about here the two shall become one that fits it works how God created it the two of the same sex doesn't work just you know let's leave it at that but that's how God's creation how God created us for this reason man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh and I think that's why divorce hurts so much is your ripping that flesh of heart you're ripping what God has put together apart let not man put asunder and it hurts there's pain there there's no way around it so then they are no longer two but one therefore what God has joined together from creation how he created them he designed it marriage is his idea therefore God has joined together let not man separate they said to him why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and to put her away so it's interesting Moses actually commanded the people to give the woman basically a certificate of divorce in order to put her away Jesus said Moses because of the hardness of your hearts permitted you to divorce your wives but from the beginning it was not so now let's stop there for a minute I think there's some confusion here actually with Moses Moses here allowing the men to give the women a certificate of divorce was actually to benefit the women here's why if you D Martin lloyd-jones wrote a good good piece on this and if you follow other church history and different things they were divorcing their wives without any cause you you burnt dinner get out of the tent you're done you're out do anything anything you're divorcing and now she has the stigma of this divorcee who can't remarry so he says because of the hardness of your heart you arrogant men you've got to give her a certificate of divorce saying you divorce her you're releasing her so she's now free and she's not going to carry that stigma so it's actually a way to help women according to D Martyn lloyd-jones and other theologians which I would tend to agree with if you read this in context he's not saying because of the hardness of your heart now you can divorce your wife they were are divorcing it was an epidemic they one two three burned the food getting older we don't like each other anymore just doing for whatever reason but now the man has to give her a certificate of divorce and there's a whole study on that if what that means I won't go along with that so Jesus said because of the hardness of these men's hearts you're not just going to get away with abusing and taking advantage of you're going to actually have to provide and write them a certificate of divorce allowing them now that you are releasing them so that's the thought behind that and I save you whoever divorces his wife see here's where it gets interesting and I say to you whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery there's no way to candy-coat that and I think if this scripture was taken more seriously it would cause a lot of people to sit up straight and take marriage seriously and understand before I say I do I better understand what guards God's heart is here but failure to look at the Scriptures has led to the other extreme no-fault divorce you know what that is there's irreconcilable differences every to every time so he tells me launches irreconcilable differences can you tell me one couple that doesn't have well they have reconciled differences because they choose to reconcile them but we all come to the marriage with irreconcilable differences to centers coming together to very selfish people and it's not pretty so Jesus said that whoever divorces his wife think about this whoever divorces his wife commits adultery and whoever marries a woman divorced here he goes on to say commits adultery and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery now the whole this whole debate is over except for sexual immorality and I'm going to get to that in a minute but I want to just a few things that come to mind the two shall become one flesh and I remember I found it in my book I wrote it down a while back and I want to use it again a survivor of the Holocaust wrote this now this is a survivor of the Holocaust you know what that is the emotional pain and brokenness that I experienced from divorce was greater the pain of the concentration camps why is that well I mean only she can answer but I think the pain of the car that's that's hard that's pain physically but when you add now emotional pain and abandonment and desertion and all these things that go with it it's it's unbearable in many cases that's why let me let me be on a front with you if God doesn't rebuild your life the second or third or fourth marriage isn't going to be any better the grass is not greener on the other side it is not greener on the other side so always remember that the two shall become one flesh and the enemy does what he can to bring why is there such a great debate now over marriage and the enemies going after marriage because that's the foundation of society the families of foundation of society now that gay marriage is the law of the land now you're going to see polygamy being trying to tried to be passed in the courts you'll hat you'll see incest what we would consider incest can brother marry sister can mom marry son can I marry my cat I mean just you just opened up Pandora's box when you depart from God's Word and apart from his truth mark my words sin never slows down it just keeps getting more and more and more and more perverted I could tell you things that make you sick to your stomach about what pedophiles are trying to pass and lower the age of sexual consent I mean if that doesn't well up some righteous indignation and force us to the prayer closet I don't know what we'll all because God's designed God's design and marriage was being mocked and ridiculed and five justices on a court decided to tell us what's right and what's wrong they know not that the Spirit of the Lord has departed from them there's no truth there they're departing from him so be very careful the two shall become one flesh it it hurts divorce hurts and I want to offer a quick perspective on this I would prefer the environment of of a difficult marriage over the living condition in most of the world so what I try to when a meaning here is I'm not trying to excuse abuse or different things because we're going to get into that in the future but if you look at some marriages are difficult right but a lot of the ones I know they're not that difficult people just are not wanting to work things out they're not that difficult and you look at how the majority of the world is living takes theory for example you want to be fleeing your land and running into a different country and just look at Iraq I read look at that look how thankful we should be and from that thankful heart that should propel us into a healthy marriage and be thankful yes this is difficult life is difficult life is challenging but I've got so much to be thankful for so it's important to put things in perspective and this is what I just said the next point unless god rebuilds a foundation those divorce may find themselves in the same situation with the second third or fourth spouse now I'm going to get into this this area of adultery but I want to throw this out there first and let you know that experience plays a role in theology experience plays a role in theology now we should never interpret our we should never interpret scripture in light of our experiences but our experiences can be interpreted in light of Scripture what I mean by this is this it's like John Piper for example believed a wonderful teacher man I look up to have got its books listeners podcast he would say that remarriage is never allowed and unless the person dies and I read his many many pages I don't think all a dissertation almost but this long article on why and breaking down the words and different pornea and different things but you have his perspective for it and for 40 years of marriage who knows how very healthy marriage so it's very easy to say yeah just just work it out you know not even in case of adultery now in the case of abuse you just stick it through I did it works and it did thank God for their marriage but you take a 22 year old woman who we've been counseling now and and had to get out of the house because of dangerous situations with the little baby and adultery's probably involved drugs is probably involved and now her life is over no can never marry again no you're toast you're 22 just enjoy it sit back be single and you know and now I'm not trying to poke fun because of Scripture teaches that scripture teaches it you deal with it but I'm showing you how experience can play a role in how we view the Scriptures another on this topic the gifts of the Spirit your experience will be how you how you read first Corinthians 12 13 14 will be directly related to your experience with the power of the Holy Spirit if you believe the gifts of the Holy Spirit and you've experienced those mighty moves of God in your own heart you read what Paul wrote you say yes I experienced that it lines up with scripture but then you have other people say no that's not for today I've never experienced it so that's why we do have to be careful you take another example be a 22 year old woman and got married found out her husband's into is a pedophile and lied about everything like well sorry you're stuck you know just grin and bear it for the next 50 years but what's the heart of God behind this what's the heart of God where's he is is this person is he going to restore the year so the cankerworm is devoured and that their biblical or way here to - to move forward because according to some people here's what would happen say this person's in their 20s the wife cheats on them a consistent pattern of adultery has actually abandoned the person they're gone they're living with somebody else in this person's left okay no kids now and I'll never be able to have kids I'll never be experiencing being able to experience a wonderful marriage no sorry you're you know and so that's that's why we have to look at the that scripture that the totality of what scripture says versus just our perspective and our experience what we went through and I do want to be careful in this area because I don't want to endorse anything I don't want to just mock what God's Word says it says in this area of adultery that we that that we have to be careful and how many people are actually getting divorced it really have no biblical grounds so that's what the debate is the debate is really over this whole area of divorce and remarriage only unless a spouse dies can you get remarried that's what this camp but this this camp would say and this is the camp where I get me an emails once a month tell me I need to repent to my congregation and I'm in sin and all this stuff it's this site and I'd like to remind them well there's the fruit of the Spirit in your email just love and joy and seizing your words with grace and not coming down judgmental or they get real mad they use capital letters and exclamation point so you got this side over here and usually these people have been hurt and wounded is what happens so it's a good ministry opportunity and a lot of them have had a different experience I remember one guy he just mean the emails like this line I can get through the first one my goal just just let x1 go but come to find out it's because his wife used certain scriptures and left him where he was hurt by that and wanted the scriptures to force her to come back see if you read between the lines you can see where people hurt but that the scripture not even hear about other places Jesus says and he who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery it's real it's clear on that area God hates divorce but then this side even people you know John John MacArthur probably and a lot of the guys you listen to on the radio they would believe that you don't the only biblical grounds for divorce is adultery and abandonment as Paul talks about in first Corinthians we're going to talk about those things but that abuse comes in there what about the woman who's being physically abused almost to the point of rape and a very verbal and abusive husband who's who's causing damage what do you do with that just grin and bear it don't come on you know just so you have to have compassion those areas so we're going to hopefully talk about those but I want to spend a few minutes here on this on this point of adultery but I wanted hopefully this will help because a lot of people right now and as the world gets more and more dangerous and and as the end times are coming and and people are not enduring sound doctrine you're going to see the families break up even more I think we're going to be seeing divorce even becoming more prevalent so for things I want you to know that will prevent you from hearing God in this area and this is mainly for the person who's trapped in between doesn't know what to do number one in a hurry you will not hear from God if you are in a hurry not waiting and contending for restoration God blesses and blesses and strengthens a waiting heart but heart that rushes is often confused so when it comes to can I divorce you know that he's commit adultery he's got this pattern and it the persons in a hurry God wants us to slow down don't don't don't don't sit on the racehorse and get going just relax it's weight on me those who wait on me shall renew their strength wait let me direct you let me guide you maybe I'm working things in the other person's heart you're not aware of so just wait don't move quickly unless there's exceptions of course but waiting on God and I had joked about this last week but it's true and I can talk those people who are in a hurry let's get those divorce papers signed I went hit Las Vegas and meet my next husband really can you say divorce number three coming up number four I mean that's just not you cannot you should not be in a hurry to get out of your covenant relationship and supposedly find the greener grass there's something wrong there the heart is not in a good spot number B let her be not seeking God through his word prayer and fasting this point and you guys hear me talk about this a lot but this point absolutely amazes me that the majority of people I know who are having marital issues don't even don't won't do this there's no prayer and fasting and seeking God listen this is a battle you got to pull out the big guns you got to pull out the big guns for this battle this kind is not go out except by prayer and fasting the big guns I'm talking time in the word I'm saying my calendar if I was going through I put time on my calendar for God time for study I'm five asking I'm starving the flesh I need to hear from God I'm pulling out the big guns but people don't do that they rarely do that that are going through Tonto playing divorce they're contemplating hurting children like I haven't took time for prayer or anything I'm just you know my the Bible says it no you have to take time and seek God and let him direct you let me say this if you're not spending extended time and worship prayer and fasting but instead are busy better and belligerent you will not get clear direction actually you'll get direction but it's not God and I see so many spouses and maybe rightly so but they're so bitter they're so bitter and angry and belligerent and you can just it's like you could cook an egg on their head it's just oh this I'm like God doesn't drag through that type of you got to get the attitude right now is there pain that's inexcusable of course I'm not trying to minimize the pain of abandonment I'm not trying to minimize anything but I am saying that God will not guide a person who's not seeking him who's being bitter and belligerent and just upset their want this divorce letter see this is a biggie as well looking for loopholes rather than scriptural truths the Saint know more on that one right this is why this is why this prevents a person from hearing God and repairing their marriage they are looking for loopholes not scriptural truth how do you know because L asked 25 people why they think what do you think what do you think what do you think is your loophole the pointing one loop a loop a loop oh well that's true that's true loophole loophole verses what does the Bible say what's a scriptural truth because if he honest with you the majority of again of the divorces that I know about her separations are not biblical they're not biblical but they're trying to find something there there's a loophole he's not getting back to me she's doing this they're being mean now I can't live like this and they're not responding they're not changing okay got it not biblical that's not a reason so you have to be careful in this area letter D giving up because we see no evidence of change they throw in the towel they're not changing guess what God doesn't tell them to say they need to change he says you need to change God never says go worry about the other person he tells me love my wife as Christ loved the church you work on you you work on you let God change the other person but we hear this all the time they're not changing Shane I've had enough I'm filing next week okay but you're not changing either yeah why don't I talk about that no no no we're talking about that because that you have to change you stop I don't care what they did I don't care what they're doing you where are you changing but what happens is something called blame-shifting if I can shift the blame over to them I'm off the hook right we'll just shift it you don't do that just make something just shift the blame right on over I'm off the hook so big you will not hear from God in these areas giving up because you see no evidence of changing the other person looking for loopholes you're not seeking God through his word prayer and fasting and you're in a hurry and you won't slow down and wait on God let me tell you how right we're here how deceived many people are a lot of people just heard these four points and they will still not apply them sometimes they go and say Lord why name why don't even call me to preach feels low huh it sounds good I'm not going to do it though but listen the the praise reports that we hear often are when these principles are applied so it goes back to the question how bad do you want it because your will in God's will if they're not going the same direction it's not going to work it's ugly actually when your wills going against God's will that's where depression comes in and fear anxiety hurt animosity bitterness fighting fighting against God you go to bed angry you wake up angry god because the Wills not aligning with God's will now don't worry there'll be some encouragement here I'm very hence after you my heart is for those going through separation divorce you know I can relate I know how painful this so my heart is there but my heart is also saying how many of these could be repaired how many of these could be repaired I like what the Westminster Confession of faith said chapter 24 nothing but adultery or willful desertion is cause sufficient of dissolving the bond of marriage so you see this big divide in the church and you say but why why are people think that it's you can never divorce ever except if the actually can ever remarry unless a person dies well again scripture is very clear that God hates divorce the scripture is very clear that adultery is a serious sin but there's there's differences in interpretations so here's what we're going to talk about except for sexual immorality right just the fact that this is added into the command is important I would think right I mean in my opinion Jesus would have just said I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason commits adultery so because he puts in there it's may Eppie porneia may Eppie porneia except for sexual immorality that's in the original that's in there in the Greek blanket he's it's not somebody added later he's saying except for sexual immorality now what does he mean by well morality what's morality God's standard immorality is perverting God's standard so Jesus saying when you pervert God's standard of sexual appetites they're in the marriage relationship you're giving the person cause to step away now let me there's so much I could say here for the next hour actually I'm not the type of advocate who says okay some commits adultery you know ended there worse the heart of there's a there's there's there's understanding there's grazers forgiveness what this is I believe is the same thing when Paul said do you not know that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God the key word in that is those who practice such things if it's a lifestyle this person cheated last month he's cheating in six months is G and it's it's a lifestyle condom with pornography on go this it's just a lifestyle of porneia of sexual morality he there's grounds there for divorce according to how you would read the scripture now here's what here's why people like John Piper and others say it doesn't mean what I just said it means why does Matthew here's what they'd say Matthew use the word porneia instead of the word mow hiya mow hiya means adultery so why wouldn't he just use the word mow hiya but he used the word porneia what's going on here well he's saying if it was if it was because of adultery they would use a more specific word but not really in my opinion pornea is any sexual egg sexual activity outside the context of marriage so if the if person homosexuality or bestiality or pedophilia or necrophilia or all these any type of sexual immorality outside the bonds of marriage II saying there's no grounds for divorce except if that person is sexually immoral in those areas so in my opinion just because he didn't use the word mejia which means adultery he used a more extensive word porneia which means any and actually you can see this word again where Jesus says I believe it it's it's in Matthew earlier it's not what goes into a man's mouth that that defiles him it's what comes out of him what comes out of him is pornea sexually immoral elicit type of sexual activity so that's one argument the other group says and this other group over here on this side they get mean emails from say that Jesus is talking about in best in this area if you get married and you find out whoops we're related then yours grounds for sexual but it doesn't say that I mean that's just reading into that what's not in that he said except for porn iam what any type of sexual activity and then then here's what I think what John Piper says some say it's when the husband finds out she was not a virgin so if a person they get married and you find out they're not a virgin how do you find that out we'll ask your mom and dad afterwards how you find out it's like oh this you you misled me this is you know you were sexual immoral before our wedding night now you have grounds for divorcing them as what they would say John Piper in the paper wrote years ago I taught her congregation to evening services concerning my understanding of this verse and argued that except for immorality did not refer to adultery but to premarital sexual fornication which a man or woman discovers in the betrothed partner then they have grounds for divorce the only problem I have with that is although he's correct that would be deception that's that's that's a sexual immorality and he's basing it off why would it be based off that alone but not a consistent pattern of adultery when you look at consistency throughout scripture on what this what this word means in the lifestyle here so in other words if a couple got married and found out listen you were sexually active before we got married married I have grounds to divorce you why would a consistent pattern of adultery not carry just as much weight as that so to me these these arguments I couldn't quite get on the bandwagon of never never remarry unless your spouse dies then you could I just can't see that in both cases these are sexual sins right that they're finding out here action this is just my opinion if he found out that she was unfaithful premarital sex before they got married to me in my opinion that would not be as devastating as adultery later on because hey there's forgiveness yes has happened either forgive they're God's grace and they can move forward in their marriage where adultery does a lot more damage because what it is here's a big deal God says you can't eat with them husband wife come together the two shall become one flesh what adultery is its unit you're uniting with someone other than your spouse and you break that bond marriage and God's eyes was not when the state of California says here's your marriage license it was when Adam knew his wife consummation when he and Joseph think it was Abraham sent out his his servant to go find his son a wife and then he said the Bible says he knew his wife intimately that's that's what it is the two become one flesh so when you break that off through adultery and you go after another you are breaking off that marital commitment and then that's I believe what Jesus saying here except for except for sexual immorality you cannot divorce the spouse he said to them Moses because of the hardness of your hearts permitted you to divorce your wife but from the beginning it was not so marriage is not the issue here I'm sorry remarriage in my opinion is not the issue here manipulation and abandonment are that's really what he's talking about the hardness of your heart you're manipulating and you're abandoning your spouse your heart hearts we're going to deal with that so it's not can they go remarry this is about manipulation and abandonment the certificate of divorce was to protect the woman and I appreciate the words of commentator Jay Nolan here on this point he said the normal understanding of Matthew 5:32 runs the danger of leaving the woman involved a double victim she has been divorced by a husband who may well have just rejected to her at his own whim and is now she's barred from any new relationship because she bears the stigma of the divorcee so he's saying Jesus Moses said because the hardness of your heart you're going to have to give them a certificate of divorce so you're releasing them if you're divorcing them it's not their fault but this has a two-fold warning and this is where we miss it many times do not divorce without cause do not divorce without cause and I usually encourage people where an affair takes place I'm still proponent of restoration I can't believe ya God restored Who am I to I mean God is a God of restoration but how does restoration take place when repentance takes place and what's a fruit of repentance change you stop and you turn you go another direction so if this person OOP slept up six months ago a tur Oh slipped up again six but that's not a slip up you're a dog you're in lowdown you know let me stop there that's not a slip-up that's an unrepentant heart who has a lifestyle I mean a friend of mine I actually didn't know very well but he must have and this is conservative numbers he must have cheated on his wife that I'm aware of six times in ten years finally she said I'm done because your there's a consistent pattern of there now I'm not saying six or five or four I'm just saying from my perspective if that happens it's workable if repentance takes place and there's bitterness there's anger there's trust issues forgiveness as a decision but Trust is a process and it's a long process and you should be open transparent here's my phone here's my computer here's everything and there's repentance but if if there's not repentance occurring and the person keeps oops oops oops then there's grounds Avenue a person to another person who would keep getting prostitutes and he had the audacity to sit and throw scripture in the face of his wife really I mean but that's the world we live in arrogance so that's the difference here sexual immorality pornea May Eppie porneia consistent active pattern of sexual sin the wife or the husband it happens both ways right let's just be honest they have flirtatious eyes just like other guys and girls here it applies to both of us so that's a two-fold warning do not divorce without cause number two do not pursue a relationship with someone who has abandoned their spouse who has who or who has divorced without cause this one I think should be number one on the christian radar B P P P P this happens way too much way too much do not pursue a relationship with someone who has abandoned their spouse we meet somebody I'm separated oh you're separate okay I don't know and kind of stay active and going together and then you know we have Plan B in the background then we get together and we get married and know if that if there's not a biblical if that spouse isn't released biblically you better not be dating them I would seriously that then you're in a very dangerous position because that person isn't released according to God's Word this group they would say they're never released but I'm talking to the group who meets in the middle a little bit here and says that because of sexual morality now if you're coming into this message late which was happens on the radio a lot too I want to get the point across clearly understand that I'm not advocating divorce nor am i saying that if you are currently separated that divorce is an option because better opportunities await you God hates divorce and anyone who's been there knows why I believe first and foremost in reconciliation and restoration and that most people give up too soon listen if it took years to tear the marriage down it's going to take a little time to build it back up when you put a little Apple true apple seed in the ground you water it in a couple weeks go by where it's the apples a couple weeks go by right there's the apples I don't you see it bud yet that's the same thing with repairing a relationship and when they know you're when you say hey I'm in it for the long haul you've been hurt you've been damaged how can I help but see we're not in it for the long haul out actually here's the problem many times is they've got Plan B right back here oh let's just shoot straight tonight I mean I came here to shoot straight I brought my 30.6 with the sniper's rifle or the scope that that's what happens if plan 1a doesn't work out I've got Plan B right here and I know her name and her number so we try to push plan a hurry-up plan LLC it's not helping seats I have pastor can I have proof can I have validate Val can you validate now my decision to go to plan B no I can't that's why people want to move quick and they're in a hurry they're not in for a long haul because there's Plan B I get away from this person I can leave my little quiet life they've got many people have Plan B in the back of their mind God says don't come to me with Plan B plan a is I'm in this for the long haul when you tell us about hey I'm in this for the long haul I've broken your trust what can I do to rebuild it you might have a glass thrown at you or some dishes let them let them go through that pain that's been caused because if you're in it for the long haul you'll sit in your weight and that blesses God I believe - he loves it - honor that and that's why I put a personal relationship with Jesus along with genuine brokenness and repentance are vitally important through that relationship and only through that relationship can we make the right decision see you getting the picture why I always talk about the relationship with Christ through brokenness and humility here's why because when that happens your will goes in alignment with his that's the only way to get Direction in this area the only way so when people say Shane should I move on or should I hold on for restoration what should I do seek Him seek the gift-giver seek the seek him who put you together seek him don't I'm not going I'm not button in here seek him and so once the humility takes place and brokenness and we begin to seek God now see what happens we align our will up with this and we're going in the same direction and for some people that might result in divorce I don't know I would never say that gods that's always going to result in restoration why because you can't change the heart of the other person here's a problem with divorce the choices of one affect the other and affect the family we can't change that that's why Paul there's good information Corinthians we can get into too when Paul talks about if an unbelieving spouse wants to stay with you stay with them but if they decide to depart that a believer is not under bondage in such a case they're not a slave now this group who likes email me is going to interpret that differently - so that'll be next week but suffice it to say that there is hope that's what I want to close on I'm not going to give anyone permission but there is hope for the hurting I like what D Martin lloyd-jones said god forbid that there should be anyone who feels that he or she has sinned himself or herself outside the love of God or outside his kingdom because of adultery no if you truly repent and realize the enormity of your sin and cast yourself on his boundless love mercy and grace you will be forgiven so see you can hear every sitio they hear this mess like oh oh I'm probably to marry this person I'm hey it's very healthy say Lord I made a mistake I sinned forgive me see this stuff isn't the unpardonable sin rejecting Christ is but some groups want to make this the impart noble sin but it's not so the hope is okay you might have married somebody outside of God's will repent acknowledge it say Lord redirect me don't leave home I've just said redirect me redirect my heart you might be in a relationship now in a marriage now that you don't know what to do say Lord there's hope for the hurting redirect me I give this relationship to you direct me see there's hope for the hurting in all of this and many often thank the Lord for using divorce to bring them back to him I don't believe that God causes divorce but he does use it to bring the product son or daughter home that's a wonderful thing if there can any redeeming factor about any of this is these can be wake-up calls I believe that separation or divorce can be a wake up call sometimes is what it's a final blow that has to take place in order for an arrogant man or an arrogant woman to truly repent that happened to me some of you know my story that's why I get the mean emails 1998 it's four years of marriage she said I'm done she is that there was adultery evolved on her end abandonment evolved on her end and I was I caused it I caused it I mean just we're two sinners night weren't even believers I don't know where she I don't want to get into all that I'd have to take a whole hour to give my testimony but 1998 God used that to break me so the reason I'm up here today is because of what took place in my heart 16 years ago 8 to whenever that was so that's why I mean from a position of experience but I didn't rush it I contended for restoration for three years after the divorce I pray I contended I waited on God didn't date just Lord what do you want to do and I felt a sense of peace hey it's time to me she's living with somebody she's done you're released but still this group says no you're living in sin you and your wife are going to hell you need to repent so I need to leave my current life and go back to her yes that's ridiculous these people are so warped sometimes in their thinking but then then I have to say so I won't have these the four beautiful kids that I have in a marriage that God has wanted me to have because I should have been bound to that in my 20s I mean so you see how you got to sink these things through and see the heart of God so that's why I can relate that's how I can relays because I had these things that happen adultery abandonment and I feel the pain there's nothing man if that's why people are suicidal sometimes because there's such a low point of depression but it had it not been for that had it not been for that I think I would have be dead by now and now I've turned to God but he uses that so that's the hope for the hurting is that you take this hurt and you go to God with it and then you know him as the great healer the great physician the great Redeemer the most most people don't take their hurt to him they'll take it to the porch but not go in the house let me just drop off this package like UPS but God says no you need to come in you need to sit down you spend time with me let me rebuild your life let me strengthen you see that's that's the answer it may result you may have biblical grounds you it may result in divorce but don't you want to go forward knowing that you sought God had peace in the midst of the storm you did all that you can do see I believe that when you do all the I believe that when you do all that you can do biblically God sees your heart remember David he wanted to build the temple he got Nathan because we're gonna build the temple and God said David you can't build the temple you're a man of war and you're not going to build my temple but in as much as it was in your heart to build my temple I give you credit for that so although David didn't do now contextually that's not dealing with with this topic you know that right but the principle still applies that when God sees a heart set on doing the right thing biblically regardless of the spouse regardless of their circumstance he blesses and honors that that's the hope in the midst of all this if somebody says Lord listen go Shane I I married somebody who who I mean how many marriages are are the result of adultery I know I know six couples right now who they left their spouse and they're married now to the person they had the affair with talk about being outside the will of God but you can still offer hope if both those people got on their face before God and repented and said Lord this is this was not of you in the beginning we're where we got children that Lord we give everything to we repent of that sin we acknowledge you there's hope for the hurting so use all goes back to the cross it wasn't just some sins were paid on the cross all sins were paid on the cross but we have to acknowledge it and say Lord I might be wrong in this area I might be in this relationship the wrong way we've been we've been caught in premarital sex we've been caught in pornography the the Christian cup I talked to now who view pornography together it's like where what what's going on here well it helps things one shouldn't that doesn't help things because he's not thinking of you and neither she and it breaks down the marriage it but it's not healthy whatsoever so your repent of these things you get rid of these things and you look to God and God alone and let him cleanse aren't so see that's why there's great hope there's great hope from the adulterer the adulteress the the marriage it was that the people are married in this it's all kids brought together and we were in sin we shouldn't have even you bring it to the cross you bring it to Christ let them rebuild all of that see you can go you can fall back into God's arms of safety and forgiveness and shelter in the matter of a second by repenting and getting back on track you can't change where you been but your change where you're going and the heart can change and that's hope in this message no matter the situation look to him and look to him alone you

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Keywords: Revival, Character Of God, Free Sermons, Video Sermons, Jesus Christ, What Is The Gospel, SermonIndex, What Is The Truth, Shane Idleman, divorce, christian divorce, divorce and remarriage, adultery, adultery and divorce, jesus teaching on divorce, jesus teaching on remarriage

Id: B_d_qqF-EdA

Length: 56min 57sec (3417 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 11 2015