What's Your Secret? | Strings Attached | Pastor Tim Ross | Hope City

every year we do a series and it's on i love sex and marriage and we talk about dating and we we started last week in a series called strings attached turn to your day and say strings attached because we're used to saying hey man no strings attached which simply means no commitment whatsoever no just don't worry about it in fact some people call it friends with benefits can i tell you right now there are strings attached in fact something's going to happen that you didn't expect to happen there are strings attached you ever had something not turn out quite the way you wanted it to turn out have you ever have you ever had something like you felt like in a moment like something's missing um last week i had uh the kovids and uh thankfully thank all of you guys for praying for me uh my symptoms weren't super bad i was just super super tired and um i'm grateful that i didn't have a big bad cough and everything we're praying for a lot of people who've dealt with a lot of horrible symptoms but mine weren't that bad but the challenge was it happened i happened to still be in quarantine on my 21st wedding anniversary and uh so we celebrated 21 years and we waved at each other we waved she said hey i said hey [Music] she had a mask on i had a mask i was like and so i got her a gift i got her some like this huge bouquet of flowers and so we had to see each other like 20 feet away and she got me a gift and and so she set it on a table and then she backed away from it and then i walked over and i got it and i unwrapped it and i opened it and it was cologne and and she goes do you like it and i have you ever had a moment where like you want to like something but you also don't want to lie you know what i mean like let me just like have you ever had a friend who had a baby and they're like oh look at our baby and you want to say oh cute baby but that baby ain't cute you know what i mean and you're like ah look at that baby you know it's a baby you know i wanted to like this cologne but it was in that moment that i realized i had lost my sense of smell and she was like do you like it and i was like it's real bland and i was like i don't i didn't i didn't know that i had lost my sense of smell and she was like well we can smell it all the way over here the kids on the other side of the house can smell it but i couldn't smell it now here's what i want you to understand the problem was not with her and the problem was not with her gift she had given me the best gift she had given me a gift that everybody else could see that it was a good gift the problem was with me the challenge comes in in relationships is when we look at somebody else and we assign the problem to them when it's really us and some of us in relationships have got to stop looking at everybody else and start looking in the mirror and saying maybe just maybe i need to fix some stuff part of the challenge is recognizing that you have a deficiency or you have an issue turn to your neighbor and say i have an issue and i have realized and i'm grateful that i realized it i realized that i have an issue this weekend and my issue is i came out of quarantine friday morning got cleared by my doctor friday morning but i still have super thank you weird three people like yeah you're out of courting i'm right challenges i still don't have any energy so uh like it's gone like i just gave y'all my best six minutes that's it you're dismissed i love y'all and so this weekend i called in a friend and i said i can preach for about six and a half minutes and i'm gonna give him my best six and a half minutes and then i'm gonna tag you in and i met this guy a few years ago he preached at a conference at transformation church and his name is pastor tim ross if you've never heard him you just need to buckle your seatbelt because he's going to be your new favorite preacher and i heard him and i just sat there blown away and went and started devouring his content and he's preached all over the world and he is not just funny he's theologically deep he's brilliant and he's become one of my closest friends i love him deeply he drove last night they finally canceled his flight at 11 15. so he got in at about 3 45 and a.m and he's still bringing heat today would you please get on your feet and welcome my friend pastor tim ross hey y'all y'all doing all right so grateful to be here with you all you may take your seats i'm so grateful to be here with you all and excited to be jumping into this sermon series with you as pastor jeremy said uh last week pastors uh daniel and jackie groves did an incredible job i got to watch online and uh i'm grateful to jump in this with you we've been talking about love marriage and sex these are three of my favorite subjects and so uh i'm glad grateful to be a part of it want you to know as pastor jeremy said we're friends so please don't mess with him you have some of the greatest pastors on earth in pastor jeremy and pastor jen and when i have friends that i love uh i protect them so uh i'm i'm from inglewood the hood part and so if if everything's cool with everybody i'll fly down but if y'all ever do something dumb i'm gonna drive down and if i drive down i'ma pop that trunk and if i pop that trunk i'm gonna let it dump so please don't mess with them that's all i'm saying just don't mess with your people okay um if you have your bibles i want you to open them to the book of ephesians chapter number five uh i want to read uh two verses in your hearing and then i'll give you the title of the message we'll pray and we'll see where we go is that all right so ephesians chapter number five starting at the 31st verse here's what it says as the scriptures say a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united in two one this is a great mystery but it is an illustration of the way christ and the church are one this is a great mystery but it is an illustration of how christ and the church are one if you're taking notes on this message how many note takers do i have in the building all right keep your hand up real high you're a nerd you're a nerd you should be proud of it real high keep you keep your hand up keep your hand up if you are a nerd and you are proud of it keep that hand up very very high now look around take inventory of all the people that are not raising their hands the non-nerds in the building here's what we need to tell you people nerves rule the world [Applause] and so here's how you know you're not a nerd you work for one so take notes become a nerd and maybe you'll have your own business i don't know so um uh uh i have three uh words for this uh message and it's simply this what's your secret that's what i want to talk about today what what's your secret i hope to answer that for you today bow your heads let's pray over the word and then we'll get started shall we holy spirit share the secret amen i'll pray quick i'm the one y'all won over at thanksgiving dinner okay there's this interesting thing that happens when we see successful relationships you find an old couple that's been married 55 60 years they're slowly walking down the street holding hands and everybody's reaction is the same that's what i want i want that and and and some people will walk up to him and they'll say hey how long have you all been married and and and maybe the wife will will burst forth with the answer of like 62 years and you're like oh my god that's exactly what i want somebody that loved me through thick and thin for 62 consecutive years you asked the husband sir how have you done it and he's like what she's like honey he's she's asking about our relationship he's asking about our relationship you might hear something like well we hold hands and take a walk like we're doing now or we never go to bed mad at each other we sit at the coffee table and with highlighters in a pan and a fresh cup of coffee we we have devotion every morning we we we never let it go by and and all of these little secrets people are trying to hold on to because they're like yes i want my relationship to last i want my relationship to work so i'll take any secret that you can give me so that we can stay married and today i don't want to give you a secret i want to share the secret i want to share the secret to what marriage is all about the first thing that i need you to know is that the bible starts with the marriage and it ends with the marriage we kick off the whole bible narrative in genesis chapter number two with a wedding a marriage and we end the entire bible with a marriage and so the whole bible is book ended with the marriage here's what it says in genesis chapter number 2 verse 22 then the lord god made a woman from the rib and he brought her to the man this is the first wedding in human history god literally takes eve out of adam and presents eve back to adam and this is the first union that god puts together here's what it says in revelation 21 verse number two and i saw the holy city the new jerusalem coming down from god out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband verse number nine says then one of the seven angels who held the seven bows containing the last seven plex came and said to me come with me i will show you the bride the wife of the lamb and finally in revelations chapter number 22 verse number 17 if it doesn't get any clearer than this i don't know what else to show you the spirit and the bride say come the bible starts with the marriage and it ends with the marriage so what is the secret marriage is god's metaphor to express his love first for israel his chosen people and then to the church when you read the entire old testament there is so much marriage language and how god accepts his commitment of his chosen people israel all throughout the new testament you will see marriage language of how god loves his church the very first miracle that jesus does is not opening up blind eyes it's not popping open deaf ears it is not raising the dead it's not healing lepers his very first miracle is to go to a wedding and turn water into wine why would his first miracle be at a wedding because the last thing we'll see before time folds is a wedding of jesus and his bride coming together for eternity so there's three ways that marriage explains jesus and i want to go through these things and i hope that by me going through these things you can see a revelation of how your marriage is supposed to look to the entire world and then i hope you get an understanding of why marriages are so attacked in the world statistically 50 or more of marriages are going to wind up in divorce and it's not just true of the secular world it happens in the church as well now why would marriage be under attack that much because it's a picture of jesus and his bride it's a literal illustration of how much jesus loves his church i don't know if you know this or not but satan hates any clear communication of the gospel message that can make somebody's heart turn from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of light so are y'all down with me as i break this stuff down are you sure because i'm coming for you today if you're ready to grow say let's grow if you're ready to grow say less growth if you're ready to grow say less growth point number one please write this down on my nerds marriage shows unity first thing you need to know about the secret the secret to marriage is that marriage shows unity here's what it says in ephesians chapter number 5 verse number 31 as the scriptures say a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united into one marriage shows unity and when you see a couple who is unified not just through their vows but through the pain-staking process of becoming one in their minds bodies and souls you literally see a picture of jesus and his love for the church because if you gave your life to christ you are one with christ and when you give yourself to another person by exchanging vows you become one with them when you consummate that marriage aka sex because it's bomb and every married couple should be saying amen but isn't it amazing that we don't want to talk about sex in church when it was made for believers in jesus christ i'm tired of the world stealing the narrative of something that belongs to us and making us feel dirty about the thing god created so i'ma say it again sex is bomb and if you're married you should have a lot of it if you're not married you should be having none of it [Applause] because your body doesn't belong to yourself if you need any scripture reference for that first corinthians chapter number six will convict your whole life read it all the way to the end okay we become one with christ when we accept them and when we get married we become one with our spouse this is what happened in the beginning it's an absolute revelation because because what happens is uh god takes adam and he forms him he he makes him from the dirt and he blows him to him the breath of life but then he puts him to sleep and he rips out a piece of adam and he forms eve now i need to tell you the difference between making something and forming something he takes the dirt from the ground blows into it adam wakes up he's aware of his surroundings and connection to his god god is the one who says it's not good that he be that he be alone adam never mentioned that adam never said he needed a relationship god did god puts him to sleep he pulls eve out of adam and then he forms eve he made adam but he formed he picked up some dirt and did that to adam he got over here to eve and he was like bam boom blatant zippity down hadoop bra skippity bop bam i mean he just [Applause] he formed her the first time i looked at juliet i said sir that's how you get in formation [Applause] that's beyonce didn't come up with that you sir came up with formation and he brings eve back to adam and they become one not just because they exchange vows not just because god put them together but they had sex and when they had sex they looked like god because in genesis chapter number one he said male and female he created he them and then he gives them bodies in genesis chapter number two and when those bodies come together it's actually a picture of god no greater picture that you will see of the image of god than when a man and a woman in holy matrimony have sex because they're literally back to being one eve was taken outside of adam brought back to adam for adam to be inside of eve oh yeah you're gonna get this work today y'all like you know what i think i do need to take a note i did not know sir i i don't even know him but whatever i'm using this so husbands wives the next time you want to set an intimate romantic evening just remind your spouse that you would like to get back to being one with them some of you are already like duly noted sir i got you fam i'm doing that tonight it's a revelation of jesus and his church he wants to be one with his church he wants his church to be one with him and when you see unity in a marriage you see the picture of jesus and his bride which brings me to point number two please write this down marriage shows sacrifice marriage shows sacrifice now i'm about to read a passage of scripture that for a long time has been really abused and manipulated by a lot of narcissistic men so ladies i'm just telling you buckle up right now your butt cheeks might get tight you might just have like a ptsd flinch like oh jesus no don't do that but let me read the whole thing in context and i think you'll be all right okay here's what it says in ephesians chapter number five starting at the 21st verse and further submit to one another out of reverence for christ they don't read that verse though submit to one another so i want to read that part first for wives this means submit to your husbands as to the lord for a husband is the head of his wife as christ is the head of the church he is the savior of his body the church as the church said mr christ so you wives should submit to your husbands and everything now i know that some of y'all are like no i didn't hear that la la la la la la devil is a lie no some people that have misinterpreted the scriptures are liars that's the truth but let me tell you what makes it the truth verse 25 for husbands this means love your wives not just anyway just as christ loved the church he gave up his life for her i've been married for 22 years to juliet she's the finest woman breathing on the planet five foot four half jamaican half bohemian super fine and all mine [Music] the mother of my only two kids nathan to noah she's a dope girl i love her to death she has no su she has no problem submitting to me in accordance with this scripture if i'm doing my part to love her like christ loves the church i've seen too many men try to get their wives to submit and they haven't bled out yet you want your wife to submit to a man that hasn't died like christ did for his church when she sees blood she'll respect you but if you're sitting up here with not a tear in your skin talking about i'm doing everything for this family i go to work hard every single day i want some respect sir if you wasn't married you would have to go to work [Applause] i go to work every day food this is america you better have a job if you don't what you [Applause] you act like you're doing something big you're supposed to go to work and you're supposed to die and let me tell you who people respect people that died ain't no way this many people came to a high school gym to worship somebody that didn't die ain't nobody skipping around talking about you are my champion for somebody that just blows kisses love you i mean i told you i loved you i told you last week i loved you before the foundation of the world i blew a kiss and said i loved you no no marriage show sacrifice what what does that love look like it's supposed to be sacrificial and here's what i realized if you've been to a wedding you've seen the entire gospel preached and probably didn't even know it anybody here been to a wedding before anybody here been to an elaborate wedding i mean people went all out for this wedding here's what you'll find at the wedding you'll find an officiant that's standing at the front of the altar this officiant actually represents god the father who's the one orchestrating the wedding event to his left you will see the groom who is waiting for the bride who represents jesus christ in the back when the doors swing open you will find the bride walking in in all her glory wearing white spot-free and stainless walking her down the aisle is usually her father who represents the holy spirit who brings people to jesus you've seen the gospel preached at every wedding you've ever been to which is why when those doors swing open everybody stands because the whole earth is going to have to acknowledge what jesus did for his bride and what the bride has done for the son and so all of time will stand still at attention while the bride walks down the aisle the holy spirit bringing the bride to jesus at the altar and here's what you've seen at your weddings the vows exchanged oh we're gonna take communion because we really love god some of y'all has exchanged sand you've done unity candles and then the kiss and then you pay for everybody to eat which is just weird pay 52 000 for some people to fly in and watch you kiss and then you fed i would release everybody to chick-fil-a y'all saw it y'all go eat but but we see everything displayed at the altar except the one thing that's the reality of an altar when you come to altar you don't come to an altar to live you come to an altar to die and because we haven't made that evident in our counseling and in our teaching on marriage people are shocked when they get married and they have to die they think something is wrong with the marriage when stuff starts going wrong and the only thing that's happening is you about to die they come into counseling they're like i'm sick of this it's been seven and a half months it's supposed to be fun i thought god brought me my bow ass that the lord was bringing me my and i just feel like i'm dying in this relationship amen i think you have learned a secret you were supposed to die you were not supposed to live through this your will your way your pride your ego your pettiness your brokenness all of that is supposed to die at this altar well tim no that cannot be true except jesus did that for you and he didn't do it by accident scripture says before the foundation of the world christ was crucified but he also did it intentionally when he went to the garden of gethsemane he got down on his knees and prayed to his father three times if there's any other way let this cup pass heard crickets then he goes well i guess i better just do this then that's what needs to happen in your marriage you need to sacrifice for your spouse well i'm tired of them winning die well you don't understand how they treat me sometimes we're not talking about them right now we talking about you i don't know about you have you ever got into with your spouse and then try to go have some devotion time i don't know anybody beside myself and you and i and i curate certain playlists and not getting the prince of the lord i'm like thank you lord thank you jesus i love our relationship [Applause] don't put me to sleep no more i like what we got right here cause this one and i finished worshiping and i'm like okay i'm gonna read the word and i'm gonna get into the word and i'm reading something that ain't got nothing to do with relationships i mean like proverbs 4. and i'm reading wisdom is the principle thing it sounds better in king james wisdom is the principle thing therefore get with them and with all thy getting get an understanding and the holy spirit said hey when you're done here i need you to go apologize to juliet about your the tone you used with her last night really did you hear her tom cause sir i just don't start popping off for no reason did you see the way her neck was bopping and then she started doing that point thing that i cannot stick she knows how to get into my skin i can't stand and then she used something from four years ago no one i can't remember and she brought it up she knew the date and what i had on and i don't remember last week sir i didn't know i was marrying a court stenographer what is happening here and in god's presence the only thing he wants to address is you in satan's presence the only thing he'll address is them so when the holy spirit says apologize apologize why because it's a sacrifice i have to die i'm not meant to live through this relationship i'm actually meant to die i've been married to juliet for 22 years i cannot count how many times i have died i know the resurrection is real i've seen it in my own life i have died so many times i can't even count no more yet i rise i promise you for every death that it takes in your relationship it's getting you to the version of you that he always wanted you to be i gotta i gotta lay on this just a little bit more see what you don't understand about your spouse is that your spouse is you outside of you looking back at you talking to you about you when you get married it's not you versus them it's you versus you because when you said i do your spouse became a full-length mirror walking around like this it's very very different this is why it's such a shock to people when they get married because here's the thing when before you got married you never had to answer the question when you were single what's wrong with me every single person has asked himself that question but here's the thing you don't have to answer it you run from it you ask you what is wrong with you you know you're crazy and then you're like but we can also watch netflix you ask yourself what is wrong with me in this area why do i always i don't always do this when i get scared why do i always do this when when i get defensive and you're like but i can also play madden for six hours then you get married and now you outside of you is looking back at you talking to you about you and you can't run what's wrong nothing no something's wrong see that's your problem you're always in my business and you ain't in your business and you're not talking to them you're talking to you about you and you're scared to confront the side of you that you've been afraid of god gave you marriage so you could address the part of you that you've been running from for decades when you gave your life to jesus have you noticed how much stuff you realize was wrong with you the holy spirit comes in and starts convicting you about stuff that you never felt guilty of in the past i mean before you got saved you you should do all kind of stuff you never thought a second thought about it then you met jesus and then you got ready to do it and he was like uh uh you like really is that bad i can't smoke four blunts i don't see what the big idea is i can't turn up and just get drunk until i pass out and not remember you really want me to be conscious and sober sir you want all of that i just thought you was gonna save me i didn't know you was gonna lower me oh that was a whole bar i felt that thing well i felt that thing i felt it so when you get married your spouse becomes an agent of the lord to literally when we gonna talk about it when we gonna talk about it ain't ready when we gonna talk about it when we gonna talk about it we need to go to counseling no we don't when we gonna go to council when we're gonna go to camp but why because the you outside of you is trying to get you to see you for the first time in a way you've never seen yourself before they are not your enemy [Applause] they are you the side of you that can see the side of you you can't see without them point number three marriage shows love marriage shows love it shows unity it shows sacrifice but it also shows actionable love here's what it says in ephesians 5 33 so again i say each man must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband let me tell you something actionable love is attractive actionable love is sexy when juliet sees me doing things without her asking oh i start getting some r-e-s-p-e-c-t [Music] sounds a lot like sex to me [Applause] r-e-x-b-e-c-t sexy all we see ow actionable love is attractive people respond to actionable love verbal love only goes so far when you start putting it into action they'd be like for real though okay and when you start getting actionable love into your marriage you start looking like jesus christ and his bride again the reason why we all showed up today is because we love the actionable love of jesus not just for what he did on the cross that would have been enough but for his new grace and his new mercies that are available to us on a daily basis for the strength and the power and the comfort and the love that he brings us every single day that's supposed to be in our marriages and when that shows up in our marriages and people ask you what is your secret it won't be we hold hands it won't be we do devotionals it will not be it's because we never go to bed with or angry at each other it will be because we have unity it would be because we sacrificed for each other in ways you cannot possibly imagine it will be because you show actionable love in ways that you never did before you both chose to die like i said i've been married to juliet for 22 years and uh we've had a lot of crazy stuff happen in our marriage it's par for the course in the same way you give your life to jesus and there's a honeymoon phase and you feel like every time you pray he answers like that and then all of a sudden he ghosts you and you go through that dry season we're like where are you lord i thought you loved me why have you forsaken me it's just a relationship and there's four seasons to every relationship spring summer fall and winter in the spring of the marriage that's when it's all new and lulu everything they do is like it's the cutest thing the way she does her hair it's so cute the way he licks his lips it's so cute the way she the way she bites her food it's so cute that's spring then it gradually goes into summer and summer is when it gets muy cali caliente right in summer everything gets spicy gets hot can't keep your hands off each other like oh passion right it's just like we can't get enough of each other can't i can't stop uh her brain cells her skin cells everything she's just beautiful right can't keep your hands off each other that's summer it's hot sexy and spicy then fall comes and it's appropriately named because y'all just fall off how come you didn't text me back usually takes me back instantaneously how come it took you 20 minutes to text me back 20 minutes boo i'm at a job i'm trying to work i have my phone on silent cause i was in the meeting well can you just look down at the phone fall after fall there's winter and in winter it gets cold and this is where most divorces happen in winter because they don't think spring's coming again when you get used to the seasons you just prepare for all of them in spring you wear some light summer you wear nothing at all in the fall you put on the light jacket and if you really start to understand winter you'll buy some skis you'll make some snowmen because you know spring's coming again in the 22 years i've been married to juliet we've gone through all four seasons multiple times and every single cycle we've grown the 22 years that i've been married to juliet are probably been married to six different women they're all named juliet they just keep changing i just the shape-shifting i'm like are you you don't um you don't like ice cream oh lactose intolerant when did that happen i didn't know so you don't want a pint of ice cream no mo like you can't handle it okay i didn't i didn't know one season pints of ice cream next season are you trying to kill me do you know what happened to me if i eat that and i'm like you did not give me an update on when your stomach changed i just wanted can i just get a text message an email the seasons change the marriage changes but it doesn't mean it's getting better it could potentially mean it's getting better and if you know what unity looks like sacrifice looks like and love looks like you will see a picture of christ and his bride that literally everyone will be attracted to so what's the secret what's the secret of marriage the whole bible is book ended by it what is your marriage really supposed to show people every time you have the opportunity jesus's unity his sacrifice and his love for his church will it be difficult absolutely if you've read the bible it's pretty difficult but with god's grace and man's patience the whole world got literally turned upside down because of unity sacrifice and love so this is the secret apply it to your marriage then let the cat out of the bag for everybody else to see would you bite your hands and close your eyes what's the holy spirit saying to you through this message my hope in my prayer is that you have a revelation that literally changes the way you see your spouse that the communication changes your perspective changes your conversation changes they're not your enemy she's you he's not your adversary he's you and it takes some time to understand that part of you outside of you looking back at you talking to you about you before you get it right be patient whether it's been 24 months or 20 years the secret's out so holy spirit i pray for all of my friends my brothers and sisters your sons and daughters may this secret of unity sacrifice and love change them forever until we see you in every marriage we view in jesus name amen

Channel: Hope City

Views: 19,323

Rating: 4.945652 out of 5

Keywords: Jeremy Foster, Hope City, pastor jeremy, jermy foster, jeramy foster, hope city church, tim ross, houston church, hope city houston, pastor tim ross, tim ross marriage, tim ross relationshiop, relationship series, biblical relationship, christian marriage

Id: 7IrM44eJ3lY

Length: 45min 7sec (2707 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 15 2021