Borderline Personality Disorder | My Diagnosis

[Music] this video is just one part of a full series released right here week after week subscribe below and hit that Bell to make sure you don't miss an episode enjoy once Sammy finally got the right diagnosis she was faced with finding the right treatment here's how she did it and here's how her life began to change when you hit those doctors tell you what do you feel I was happy like super stat except ecstatic and upset at the same time you know cuz I was like what the heck you know I've been dealing with this for years and finally now I'm just I had to research it I had to figure it out and the doctors like you scream bpv to me and I was like why didn't anyone else see this or you know say this or even say this could this could be you know so yeah I was really really happy but at the same time I was confused and just like uh-huh like why you know what did they say when you or did you tell them why didn't they catch this yeah yeah and then what did they say they just said that a lot of times people with BPD get misdiagnosed with bipolar and that was pretty much just their answer unfortunately it was nothing you know they were like we don't know exactly where you were at that time you know there could have been more characteristics towards bipolar because apparently you can have bipolar and BPD so they thought maybe you know maybe they didn't know that you also had fight your BPD you know so I don't know if they were just they didn't know let's go into as many details as you can remember about going in there with this information you found that you think maybe I have borderline personality disorder mm-hmm you explained your history to the doctors what was their diagnostic process like well they actually it was really great because my first appointment that I had I saw a a nurse first we went over my history she asked me all these questions I took a test I did all of these things like just to test about my mood and how like my day-to-day life is I guess and I filled out this huge questionnaire pretty much she interviewed me for like two hours yeah it was really nice before I even saw the doctor so I saw her for two hours we took an hour break I left went Nate came back and then I saw the doctor for another two hours and as the doctor as the psychiatrist yes which I thought was really interesting because I've only ever ever have seen psychiatrists for an hour and then they would try and diagnose me or you just say no you have bipolar or whatever so you know I told them all my history I was like they say I have bipolar I don't think it that's what it is I think it's born on Kristen ality disorder and after reviewing everything with me she was like you scream borderline personality disorder at me and I was just like I knew it like I knew it and then you really did scream at her okay so that's very interesting because a lot of the doctors that I interview really talked about going really in depth in the process for diagnosing somebody they also mention ruling out other physical explanations of of behavior yeah did you get any blood work done or anything like that um I don't think I did okay which it's probably a good idea that I do that actually so this was all initially just talking to you getting information from you yes exactly my big two takeaways just listening to you on that is one you are always your best advocate no one will advocate for you more than yourself yes so advocate for yourself and two because they relied on the information that you're saying you have to be honest 100% people go into therapy and then they try to impress the therapist with how great they are you're so right that's so true I get people that will message me daily be like I don't know like how to talk to the therapist I don't know what to say and I'm like you have to be a hundred percent honest with them because they're not going to know how to help you if you're hiding things that's right and this is a non-biased you know atmosphere it's supposed to be yeah so you need to be I don't know I was trusting as you can as you get to know them you know you don't have to be your initial visit but eventually you need to get to the point where you're comfortable enough to share everything with them otherwise they're not going to get the proper treatment and I've been in therapy since I was nine sessions and sometimes if when I because I've moved a lot if I go see a new therapist I'll say you know I'm not really comfortable going there yeah yeah instead align right right instead of going know that I'm not really comfortable yet yeah but if you're okay can we talk about that it yeah yeah no that's that's awesome and that's what I tell people is like if you don't want to talk about something you don't have to but you can be honest and say you know I have issues with this and I eventually want to get there but I'm just not ready yet yes so you finally get diagnosed with borderline personality disorder what is your next step so next step what we did is they set me up with a therapist and that was their first idea was to set me up with a therapist and see how I do I guess and have some sessions with her before I get on to medication which again that was completely different from what I had initially which was crazy to me and I was like wait you know I don't need medication like are you sure you know because I was so I don't know it's like wrapped up in needing medication so I was like okay like we'll try it and then eventually they were like okay you should probably get on some medication an antipsychotic so I've been on that for a while and it's been helping and yeah a mood stabilizer as well and that's that's pretty much it and along with the therapy and they're working in conjunction with each other so how do you feel this is a hard question to answer how do you feel the therapy and the Kayson help you gee if you had to give them in a percentage of their value to you how would you divide them up I would say mmm this is a hard question let's see I think therapy is so important I think most almost everyone should go to therapy regardless exactly yeah yeah I would say I don't know I don't know maybe 5050 because I think they're both equally important mm-hmm yeah at the first episode you mentioned that you have borderline personality disorder with schizophrenic gets us our neck tendencies when did the schizophrenic tendencies get diagnosed just the beginning of this year actually yeah the beginning this year was 72 hours ago I mean last year the beginning of last year so 2018 okay 2008 okay so we're gonna get to that I want people to know that yeah you start to go to therapy you get on the medication how does your life change it I thought was going to be for the better at first so this was we're getting into 2017 at this play so at first I was like super excited because I was like I finally have a diagnosis yes you know and then it kind of started to hit me that this is a very kind of serious diagnosis and now that I know about it I was like really researching and you know really getting into the internet with this and then I was reading what other people thought about people with BPD which is not be careful with that yeah exactly careful with that so it's so stigmatized and I I don't know it kind of threw me for a loop I guess you could say and I got really really really depressed and to the point where I was in bed for eight months and I couldn't work I and I've had a really bad unstable time with working so every year or so I would leave my job and find a new job and I would have really bad relationships with the doctors I was working with so I was a registered dental assistant for seven years and every year I was in a new office because I was so unstable with it I guess and my relationships with doctors and my co-workers was terrible so I was always trying to find a better place when really I was the problem as well and I didn't realize that so 2017 happened I quit my job and I was just in bed and I didn't I don't know exactly why but I was just so just down I guess and I guess I think a lot of it had to do with me realizing what the diagnosis is and just trying to like cope with that I guess but it was very interesting eight months I was down you say you don't really know the reason why but you think it's because you were coping with your new diagnosis can't that just be the reason yeah I guess that's you yeah I'm not a therapist so but in an 8 month bedridden depression mm-hmm is I was not serious oh yes it was very serious I was seeing the psychiatrist once a week and the therapist once a week I was self harming every single day and I would go from like binge eating just starving myself to binge eating - starving myself and I gained a bunch of weight it was just this roller coaster of just a hot mess it was just insane yeah like I told you before we started filming you don't have to talk about anything you don't wanna know you out you can stop at any time so that obviously still stands yeah with the self-harm is that separate from the binging and starving um no I think it went along with it honestly I think any way I could harm myself and like internally like hurt myself I guess I was trying to do whether that be like forcing myself to eat as much as I could and then I would feel guilty about it later and then the next day I'd be like I'm not eating anything and I would start myself for almost two days and then it was just a cycle of like starving myself and then getting so hungry to the point where I'm like I'm gonna eat everything in my cupboards and you know and then along with the self-harming I think it just all was one big what what are the other self harming things so I would cut myself I had a really hard time with that growing up as well I did that like since I was like 12 off and on and I that was a huge thing with me PD is harming yourself and suicidal like tendencies I've never been suicidal to the point where like I'm going to hurt you like commit you know and really go through with it but it's just been self harming to the point where it's just like try not to feel numb I guess it is um so yeah that's mm-hmm who was there for you during this my boyfriend yeah so I don't really have much family you know as we talked about earlier my sister is live in Florida so I don't really have anyone here but my boyfriend was there for me through it all he took care of me pretty much he would make sure I got up in the morning we would go on walks together he would like make sure I went outside he would cook me food make me drink water which is like so important you know gotta eat so he like really was like my rock during that time and really like forced me to get outside and really try like we would go to the park and like I'm a writer so I would just write and I'm in the middle of polishing my poetry book so he would like make sure I was you know working on that and trying to like even though I was in such a dark place he was trying to make me productive you know without pushing too much on me I guess so is there a poem that you wrote during this time about this time mm-hmm yeah yeah I have quite a few yeah if we find it would you read it yeah I mean no actually eventually though I'm going to publish it so it will be out there everything yes I think that's really powerful mm-hmm for people to see how that manifests in a poem mm-hmm yeah I think a lot of people watching this think well this is not how the story is supposed to turn out it's the right diagnosis and then she goes into the worst mental-health period of her life and where the conclusion is is because you're coming to terms with the beat this is actually what it is with the bipolar so there you go that's not me I know deep down I knew it wasn't exactly exactly how this is what it is and then you go on the internet and you see people go well I can't date anybody like that they're untreatable all the patients that we see on the Internet right exactly then you feel that's me now exactly and so really it was the depression that gave you the worst mental health year of your life yep not the BPD I had given you plenty of Reger's previously yep did you treat the depression yeah so I was going to therapy every week and really working on you know finding my triggers and what was triggering me to feel like this I got into DBT therapy dialectical behavioral therapy so got into that I like that is a girl yeah so I started doing that and that really has helped me so much just learning how to communicate with people learning how to react to certain things it's just so powerful it's crazy and I've tried so many different types of therapy this is the one that I really feel like has helped me so much did you try just cognitive behavioral therapy yes yeah so they were thinking about there's another one I forget what it's called it's a MDR rapid eye movement yes we were going to do that one we tried a couple times but I just I dissociated so much during it that we kind of you know do it it was just impossible for me so let's get every like we just had a private conversation you heard acronym dialectical behavioral therapy is something that med circle will be covering in in future episodes in series cognitive behavioral therapy and cognitive distortions is covered in dr. su Varma's series so make sure you check that out and I rapid movement type therapy I'm totally watching the actual name of it but that is covered with dr. eret in our series of PTSD these are all methods used to cope with past traumas or at least the the eye rapid movement when is did you find that during this therapy you were having to really go back to your childhood and yet with all of that and I think yes that's a great point I was trying to come to terms with a lot of stuff that happened and there's a lot of stuff that I didn't even remember happened and it was getting brought up in therapy so it was like very traumatic all over again I guess so I think I totally didn't even think about that but yeah that has a lot to do with I think why I was so down that year too it's just trying to get through that and trying to you know even just accept it because I had suppressed it for so long that there's I mean there's still stuff to this day that I don't even remember but you know it's just getting rehashed out I guess and your your really dig digging down to the depth yeah as you are and pulling up that thing that you have tried so hard to forget exactly to deal with it mm-hmm that is so difficult even if you can recognize logically that on the other side of that is peace mhm going through that nightmare it's yeah it seems like it's better to just not do it and that's where I would say I was like I don't want to do this but my therapist was like you got if we gotta get you to where you need to be we gotta do it you know our you know happy that your therapist Bush do you like that yes yeah at the time I was not happy people who get the most out of treatment at at least one point are not happy with the house yeah oh yeah I know we were we had a problem it's kind of like over trainers like coming back here it's not one extra portion that gets you the results that you want yep exactly yeah yep what would you tell people who are having their 2017 as long as you work for what you want get your treatment you can get out of that because I didn't think I would be able to pull myself out of that but after going in accepting the treatment that I was getting offered and using the resources around me I realized that it is possible to get out of that you know and I tell people all the time like they don't know where to start and they have no idea like how to get there and I'm like you have to take the first step and go to see a doctor and really do your research about how you're feeling and you need to be a hundred percent committed because I have people that don't want to accept what the doctors are telling them or you know how they're feeling and you have to accept that I think first before you know you get your treatment because if you don't know I don't know if you're not realizing like what you're dealing with and not acknowledging that then there's no way you're gonna be able to get past that point I guess I think there's a an element of really just surrendering to the process yeah and most people don't know what the process is and that's why we have med circle right we we help people through that process and navigate to make better choices to make good choices but once you know that you're going to start this journey it's kind of you know I'm gonna go in no way to surrender to that yes mm-hmm and I might not even like what I hear I'm just gonna hear it anyway exactly and then I'm gonna move forward I try to be better yeah really really wonderful we're gonna continue this conversation okay we're gonna talk about in our next episode your life as it is today your wellness tips for people and what your future holds thanks for being so brave yeah thank you for make sure you stay with us we'll be back with our next episode thanks for watching if you liked what you just saw then why not subscribe click right here for new episodes and new series every week and to access exclusive mental health videos that we only release at Med circle comm check out the links below [Music]

Channel: MedCircle

Views: 52,654

Keywords: bpd, borderline personality disorder, borderline, personality, disorder, diagnosis, personality disorder, bpd diagnosis, bpd treatment, bpd symptoms, personality disorders, bipolar disorder, mental illness, mental health, treatment, medications, interview, sammy grimm, sammy marie grimm bpd, medcircle, kyle kittleson, dr. ramani, dr ramani, ramani durvasula, psychology, video, bpd episode, bpd relationships, bpd and stress, bpd relationship, signs of bpd, what is bpd

Id: Hd0DQRsLRBc

Length: 19min 32sec (1172 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 24 2019