What is the Inner Child? Why is Inner Child Healing Important for Developing Emotional Intelligence?

CEUs are available at AllCEUs.com/ICGrief-CEU hey there everybody and welcome to this  video designed to answer the question   what is the inner child i'm  your host dr donnelly snipes   in this video we're going to learn what the inner  child is how it's developed we'll identify three   ways the inner child often presents and then  we'll discuss symptoms of a wounded inner child   and the benefits to healing and integrating your  inner child so let's start out at the beginning   the inner child is made up of memories and schema  from your younger self that are stored in your   subconscious every time you encounter something  you learn from it your brain registers that as a   learning experience and it forms a little mental  shortcut so in the future when you encounter   similar situations it anticipates how it probably  should react and that's what we call a schema   when you were a child you encountered  things and based on those experiences   you formed mental shortcuts of what to  expect and how best to react to stay safe   when you were a child if you were helped to feel  safe and empowered even in the face of trauma   you developed emotional intelligence that is you  develop the ability to identify your emotions   to tolerate the distress to  problem solve after or cope   after you got down into your wise mind  in order to best handle the situation   this promoted healthy psychological development  it promoted the child's ability to feel   in control so they didn't feel concerned that they  were going to be overwhelmed by their emotions   as well as empowered to improve the next  moment empowered to address the problem   if the child had to develop its own  survival skills because it didn't have   a caregiver that was there to help it learn  how to do all of these things it impacted   the child's ability to feel safe or trust  others or even develop emotional intelligence   i mean think about what it's like for a three four  five eight year old that encounters trauma that   encounters distress and it doesn't even  know really what this feeling is or how   to deal with it it's just all of a sudden  it's being flooded with stress chemicals   and it feels out of control that's terrifying so  the child develops some skills in order to survive now based on prior learning experiences  when the adult is exposed to stressors its   ability to identify and regulate its emotions is  strongly associated with whether or not they felt   safe as a child those who felt safe developed that  emotional intelligence and are much more effective   at using those skills to engage their wise mind  get out of the emotion-based fear-based response   engage their wise mind and figure out what is the  best strategy to handle the situation to help me   continue moving toward my rich and meaningful  life so they're operating from a fact and logic   based perspective those who did not feel safe  didn't develop emotional intelligence because   whenever they were stressed whenever they  started having that flood of stress chemicals   their reaction was to make it stop however they  needed to make it stop make it stop because they   were afraid they were going to be overwhelmed  some people acted out some people shut down   it just kind of depended on what worked  for that child at that point in time   unfortunately that means they didn't have  the benefit of learning how to develop their   emotions learning how to identify them and  deal with them as they came up so as adults   they continue to often feel unsafe and function  in a fear-driven autopilot or a default mode so often we see three  presentations of the inner child   we have the unidentified and wounded inner child  this is the adult who regularly acts immaturely or   impulsively especially in response to stress  but they don't understand why this is the   adult who lashes out or who shuts down  and just gives up or goes into a deep   depression or has overwhelming anxiety and  they just don't know where it's coming from then we have people who have identified  their inner child and they're kind of   aware it's there but they ignore it and these  are the people who are all work and no play   these are the people who feel like they must be  uber mature and uber responsible all the time   and they never to to coin a phrase let  their hair down they never have moments of   fun and spontaneity and then you have the  identified healthy and well integrated inner child   and this is the person who when they're sober a  lot of people when they're under the influence can   tap into that inner child but that's not what  we're talking about that's the um ignored inner   child that's just desperately trying to come out  the identified healthy integrated inner child   comes out when a person still regularly taps  into that innocent mindset when it's appropriate   i like to think that my inner child is  relatively healthy and well integrated   but at 50 some odd years old i still love blowing  bubbles i still love flying kites i still will   push off on a shopping cart in in the parking  lot and try to ride it down to my car you know   i still love swinging on swings like i did when  i was five now do i do those things all the time   no but is it completely unheard of to see me  skipping down the hall at work well no it's not   un heard of to see that either now i don't do it  when it's inappropriate i don't do it on the way   to a staff meeting but you know after hours or  something if we've had a particularly good day   i may get a little goofy and that's what we're  talking about about with an identified healthy   and well integrated inner child i tap  into that side of me when it's appropriate   and you know sometimes when it wants to come  out the inner child likes to celebrate with you so let's talk about meeting the inner child which  inner child do you have are you able to tap into   that inner five-year-old when it's appropriate  and just have fun if so great but do you do it   you know the identified but ignored inner child  you know it's there you know there are parts of   you that love to go to the park or you know go  snowboarding or whatever it is you love to do   but you never let that inner child out so that  gives you a clue that you might want to consider   tapping into it nurturing that aspect of yourself  or do you regularly act in way in ways that are   impulsive or immature especially under stress  remember when the individual when the adult is   under stress if they don't have tools to identify  and cope with those emotions as they're coming up   then the inner child may come out and go okay  this worked for me in the past we need to you   know just make this go away we need to get  out of here because we don't know how to cope   are you able to identify your feelings and  effectively manage them you may not behave   impulsively or immaturely but sometimes it may  feel like your emotions come out of nowhere or you   constantly feel icky or blah but you don't know  why and icky and blah are not actually emotions   and that is an indication that maybe the  person is not completely in touch with their   their self they may have not fully developed  their emotional intelligence if that didn't   happen there's a good chance that that inner  child is not feeling completely safe either   because as an adult if you don't know how to make  yourself feel better then that inner child is back   there going hey you're just going to let us  sit here and suffer what's going on are you   able to accurately identify feelings in others  and respond in a healthy and appropriate way   sometimes that wounded inner child grew  up in such a dysfunctional environment   that they became hyper vigilant or likewise they  completely shut off their ability for empathy   either way they have difficulty interacting  with others they may be fine when they're alone   but when they interact with others  they have a whole lot more difficulty   identifying others feelings others  reactions and responding appropriately   so this could also indicate that because  of prior traumas because of a lack of   the ability to the the nurturance to develop  emotional intelligence that inner child   may have had to develop their own skills and  that's what the person still has to deal with   because when they start feeling distress their  executive control their higher order thinking kind   of goes offline and that inner child takes over  and they go into default emotion based responding what are the benefits of the integrated healthy  inner child well physically stress reduction   if you can tap into that inner child you can  hear that inner child when it's saying hey   this is bringing up bad memories for me or hey i'm  feeling bored and you can respond appropriately   then your whole self is going to be more  integrated if you can hear that inner child when   prior traumas are being triggered or when prior  stressors come up then you can better respond to   it instead of just feeling distressed or feeling  worn down but not knowing where it's coming from   affectively emotionally your ability to tap into  that child like awe wonder curiosity and just   giddiness can really enhance your life it adds  depth to the types of emotions you're able to feel   and it also enables you to find happiness  in the small things go to a park or hang   out with a little kid for a while they  can find happiness in just about anything   they can find happiness in little ants that  are crawling around or butterflies or worms   that was my children and me quite honestly or even  making images out of the big white fluffy clouds   kids can find happiness in a lot of small things  that as adults were too serious and were too busy   to pay attention to but when we tap into that  inner child it liberates us for that period of   time now as i said it's not always appropriate  to have that inner child come out and play   sometimes we have to tell them you know you can  come out and play later but it is important to   be aware of those childlike impulses we have and  nurture those so we don't become too too serious   cognitively tapping into that inner child  can allow us to see things with new eyes not   constrained by rules or logic as adults and even  older adolescents were taught what can and cannot   happen what must happen what the rules are a  little kid doesn't know know that necessarily and   they may say well why not you know if you say well  humans can't fly a little kid's gonna say why not   and now that may not be the best example but  you get the idea children are not constrained   by what they've told can't happen  they can envision possibilities that   sometimes as adults we're just blocked from  and relationally when you tap into that inner   child you have the ability to recognize it and  bring it out in others you have the ability   to recognize when they have a wounded inner  child and if they lash out or act impulsively   you may be able to recognize that as their inner  child coming out and react accordingly likewise   you may notice if they have an inner child that's  just desperately wanting to come out and play   and it can't and you may be able to sort of bring  it out in others by suggesting hey let's go to the   park or let's do whatever so there can be a lot  of benefits to tapping into that part of yourself   it's part of your subconscious it's not going to  go away nor do you probably want it to go away   because that is the eyes wide open  enthusiastic innocent person that you were   at some point in your life now if the inner  child was wounded then it's important to help   it process and help that inner child heal but  once that inner child is healed it can become   that wide-eyed inner child again some people  because their trauma was so ongoing and so   extensive they really never had that  childhood that they wanted or that they   feel they deserved and quite honestly i think  they deserved and that sucks it really does   however once that inner child has healed from  their trauma and process that trauma then as   the adult you can start letting that inner child  come out some you can go get ice cream sometimes   if you want to nurture that inner child and try  to help it feel validated even in your adult body everybody has an inner child getting to know  your inner child can help you better understand   some of your behaviors or just improve your  ability to nurture all aspects of yourself   if your inner child is wounded and scared is  going to be important to help it feel securely   attached and re-parent it to help it feel safe  that means you're going to need to consistently   kind of check in with it let it know that you're  there you're going to need to respond when that   inner child starts feeling afraid you're going to  need to respond and help it identify its emotions   learn how to tolerate distress and figure out how  to problem solve you're going to have to validate   when that inner child is feeling scared even if  it is adult even if as an adult you don't feel   threatened or you can see that objectively  you shouldn't feel threatened in this moment   if that inner child feels threatened you've got  to remember that that inner child is seeing it   through the eyes of a five-year-old not of a 35  year old validate that you know there's a part   of you that feels scared there's a bringing up  stuff from your past and then figure out how to   effectively respond to that and help your inner  child feel safe by doing this by acknowledging it   by identifying when you start feeling those  feelings come up or those impulses come up   by acknowledging it then that inner child can  develop the skills that it didn't develop the   first time through and you can feel more  whole more integrated and more at peace

Channel: Doc Snipes

Views: 34,098

Keywords: Dawn Elise Snipes, Cheap CEUs, NCMHCE, unlimited ceus, hpcsa, crcc, lcsw ceus, lcdc ceus, lmft ceus, lmhc ceus, ce broker, addiction ceus, LADC CEU, MAC CEU, counseling techniques, counseling skills, online counseling, yt:cc=on, donnelly snipes, doc snipes, counselor education, mental illness, allceus, all ceus, cognitive behavioral, online course, inner child, inner child healing, emotional intelligence, attachment, insecure attachment, abandonment, emotion regulation

Id: bv2GgpnBJQI

Length: 17min 14sec (1034 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 25 2022