What Is It Like Growing Up In Britain's Foster Care System? | Part 2 | Full Episode | Origin

[Music] so uh introduce yourself [Music] i'm telling you my name is lauren [Music] and i'm seven years old lauren is one of 15 000 children who were waiting to be adopted in britain last year [Music] so is lauren's brother [Music] [Music] thomas the tank engine see babies are famous sam i like spongebob squarepants harry potter and boomerang nickelodeon disney channel on it when you're looking for the right family for them the biggest decision some extent has already been made you know the evidence has gone before a judge and the judge has decided that a child's plan needs to be adoption but you're making probably the key decision that is going to map out the rest of their lives [Applause] for the last two and a half years lauren and liam have lived in foster care with chris his wife debbie and their daughter rosie right see you later the reason why we like this place because we tend to just sit down and let them do their own thing and i can spend some time with rose and we do a bit of surfing and stuff and then we have something to eat you want sausage well if we if i got one sausage on tour she could have half each when she first came she would only eat ham butties and beans on toast and i don't think she had much else apart from that so even like chocolates and things like that she wouldn't try at the beginning and she could only eat with a spoon she'd never had a knife and fought before that was strange liam on the other hand was i think they called him a frozen baby he didn't move he didn't say anything he didn't smile and he would projectile vomit two or three times a day for the first three or four months that we have him he leads absolutely anything though all right on your marks get set fastest one go the search for a new family for lauren and liam is already behind schedule i think the difficulty we've got with lauren and liam is at lauren's age i think she's holding liam back from being adopted but they're not going to be separated at all the thing with lauren is she's the same age as my little girl and when i go over she sits on my knee and she hugs me the same way my little girl does and when i went around last week she said can you not just adopt me and i said no because then i won't be able to find families for all the other children who need to adopt him it's just a shame because she knows that she's not the same as anybody else her future isn't set like most people's and that's what her concern is at the moment is where she's going who with why and how long for so i i don't really know how she's dealing with that must be so difficult [Applause] new government targets are putting extra pressure on adoption teams to find permanent homes for children as quickly as possible let's see this event is about the difficult to place children so i mean i've got a little baby that i wouldn't bring to this event because i know that i can place that one and if you could only just scan and see how many there are here now there is just so many children that are classified as difficult to place it's quite overwhelming really it could do it coming that way please don't think of it as advertising and selling children it's not it's about promoting children in a way that we can find the right family for them right lauren the new time scales mean that for lauren and liam the exchange day could be the last opportunity for a net to find them adopters we had a review a couple of weeks ago and it was decided if there's no family's been identified by december the 15th then their plan is going to be long-term foster care which is really really sad because lauren has said all she wants is a mum who doesn't drink doesn't smoke and doesn't take drugs and in this day and age i don't think it's a lot to ask is it poor kid so yeah the pressure's on with these and i feel very responsible what's the difference between a doctor and a foster carer well a foster and what do you want not great for lauren and liam unfortunately um when the doctors have approached and we've told them lauren's age it's put them off even though in my opinion it's a ready-made family you can see we've got lots of profiles left for them nobody's taken one and if there are any expressions of interest we put it into the folder and their folders empty and i've tried selling them as much as i can to all the adopters who've come over but they want younger children unfortunately it's um yeah really disappointed really disappointed what was the adoption exchange day like for people it kind of hit a mess wasn't it yeah there was like waves of being really busy i'm really desperate for liam and lauren before they changed the plan the fundamental problem is that we haven't got enough adopters to some extent adopters have a range of children to choose from and some can look for either younger children or more straightforward children or less complicated children effectively i'm going off to meet a new little boy that's just been allocated to me his name's tommy although i've read about him i don't know that much about him yet i'm going to meet the foster carers for the first time tommy is one of 75 000 children a year who go to live with foster carers he's been living with gene and brian and their adopted daughter becky since he was three days old one at a time no no no he's now almost two jackie needs to update his file before she can present it to potential adopters if this little boy had to place um from what i've heard there's been issues around whether or not this little one is got fetal alcohol syndrome there was considerable amount of alcohol drink during pregnancy two or three years time when he's in school he might be slower at learning so when adopters read about a child and fetal alcohol syndrome is mentioned it kind of makes a lot of people go maybe not gene yes and this is tommy isn't it have you got some recent photographs of him because the one on here is baby he just asked us to take this baby he said he may have problems with fetal alcohol or something but he was a little weakened when he was a baby but now he's is lovely i was a little boy so why why have they thought about fetal alcohol what was it because just so when it was literally he wasn't growing yeah um and then of course mum yeah with the alcohol it keeps anywhere well it can come out in later time well they might do but you know i mean anything can come out in later time if you go away to see if something's gone to happen well you'd never do anything would you mom more because yes please oh good boy he does he says yes please oh thank you who's that so how would you describe him put like his personality is he is he a happy child he's a happy self yeah okay yeah you're cheeky you are cool he is so adoptable you say bye see you soon you've got the idea of what this child needs what their problems might be so you need to start searching them for the family well they need to be younger a lot younger than me first then [Music] he knows do you had a little girl ask me could i not just go and knock on some doors please and your heart just melts jump you know when you've ten you know i've not found somebody yet and it's well does nobody want me [Music] but there's lots and lots of children that need adopters and there isn't an awful lot of people who will adopt this is a bag of profiles and bits and bats from the adoption exchange day so i'm going to have one more look through it and just check that i've not missed anything in terms of any adopters being approved for children up to the age of eight so i'm only looking for lauren and liam at the moment these weren't one child up to the age of two these weren't siblings but only up to the age of five two children under three and a half one child or a sibling group not to six and she doesn't feel able to consider learning difficulties challenging behaviour sexual abuse down syndrome cerebral palsy aids or hiv no no there's times when you can't do anything and you have to just accept it but knowing that i've tried as hard as i can helps me sleep at night we've still time yet keep our fingers crossed jackie has recently taken over the search for a family for tommy delays in the court process and concerns that he may suffer from fetal alcohol syndrome mean it's been difficult to find the doctors and he's been living in foster care for nearly two years but now there's been a breakthrough so the news for this little one is that we've um identified a potential family been out to meet with them are you excited about that outcome oh it's brilliant because it's what it's all about it's finding the children families and when you've had concerns as to whether you would find a family because of the history with the child or more usually because of the history of the birth parents to find them out tommy's foster carers jean and brian have had a brief meeting with the potential adopters they gave us a book where is it it's tommy give us a book mommy mama and me it's just different looking stories we can tell him the same sex couple i just want to throw that in brian wanted him have a dad well of course yeah because he loves he loves brian so when they said they picked two women uh well we just wanted him have a dad but no the difference is i've expected this butch image no no they're not they're very nice people thank you get down i still have reservation ralph pleasantly surprised didn't have two heads or anything like that one two three [Music] the decision about the match isn't just down to me are you going to [Music] we have panels in the agency decision maker but they can't make that decision until i've made my decision it's a huge huge responsibility don't it no am i choosing the right family for the right child and the right reasons now what's all this about naughty stop it no no don't do that keeps you awake at night literally you've got one of them and we've got that i didn't think you had that the couple jack is proposing to adopt tommy is caroline and michelle the matching panel will be in this room the match cannot go ahead without the recommendation of an independent panel today they're preparing the case they'll present can you just summarize for me jackie why you feel this match is a good match both michelle and caroline have different qualities that they will bring for tommy sporty activity go out and do home-based so he's got both sets of identity in that it was always something that we wanted to do well once we got married it was mainly i think because obviously being in the a same-sex relationship you can't just go out and have a baby you know i think probably for me the biggest thing was to find people who would be prepared to take on a child where there was uncertainty about his future development there was nothing reading tommy's profile that pulls off if you're having a child yourself you don't know what certainty there's going to be i don't think there's a certainty with any child so i think phase is when we read about tommy we're both really connected is there anything else that we need to consider in terms of the match so i'm assuming that we're all happy to take this forward to panel and present it as a match absolutely yes marvelous so how ready are you for this very very yeah excited nervous all-in-one really for our younger children who have the chance to form a new attachment not to have a life of social work involvement and people coming around have a look at your bedroom please have you been to the dentist have you been to the doctors let's have a look at what you're doing at school let's do all these things that's things that parents should be doing not social workers coming into so adoption gives children the chance to have a normal life oh all i want to do is be in bed exchange day didn't turn up anyone interested in adopting lauren and liam give me my hey i needed yours one man said oh can i just ask one question they're not ginger are they and i said they're not no but would it make a difference but if you're making a lifelong commitment to a child who you didn't give birth to i suppose you can be a bit choosy would i be well probably yeah if i'm honest have you finished your yogurt [Applause] the longer you look the older they get the older children get the less adoptable they are you don't want them to feel for two three years but nobody wants them with their short-term foster placement set to end part of annette's job is to prepare the children for wherever they might go next he's adorable he really is so awesome some children live with two parents um some children oh oh dear that's the council's books for you i don't think that should have happened i thought that was part of it no i thought something would weird let's have a look yeah okay what's this one some children are in foster care no some children are fostered fasted so who's fostered in this house me and lego yeah you could go some children live in curtin and what kind of family might you live in in the future yeah you could have two dads or two moms or a mom and a dad oh god or a mum on her own and what are the two things that we said it's either going to be foster care or adoption adoption good girl if you go by the statistics um after three or four it's very rare that um children get uh adopted what else did we talk about we talked about what adoption is and what long-term foster care is didn't we and we said they're both fab didn't we because they're both forever i suppose from a baby you can mold them and they won't have much they won't remember much of the previous life etc so i suppose that's a bonus do you think you understand it though yeah oh i love purple with the likes of lauren she's always going to remember her birth mother and the situation that she was in for those first four or five years and that could have a burning honour as she grows up so what do you think i'm doing at what clarin looking on website to see who wants me oh kind of i look on websites to see what adopters there are and what foster care is there are oh dear yeah so lauren what am i looking for for you i'm gonna do that one all right what am i looking for adoption family who wants me and liam thank you i think you listened to everything i said last time yeah yeah you are and you know what annette's good at yeah finding families that children can live with forever yeah and what am i gonna do for you my only family what i can live with for a super family for a super girl and a super boy annoying boy sometimes today the independent panel will decide whether to recommend that caroline and michelle become tommy's new parents they've had to make a book of photos of themselves that can be given to tommy if they are [Music] know approved we can actually imagine him now playing with our needs and in the family we went to a family party weekend yeah just imagine him with nephew and running about and yeah imagine his little voices you can imagine him there now can't wait i expect that they will ask me why i chose this particular couple opposed to others these are the strengths of the adopters these are the vulnerabilities because everyone has vulnerabilities this couple have never parented before initially we did yeah well we had two to five year old didn't we but then we kind of changed a little bit more to a two just to get used to us before into school and nursing i think social workers get to know you that much that you know they can find the perfect child for you really yeah you want to come through yes on the book yeah yes but nobody's allowed to sit down explained everything you hear people you know saying you're playing god but i suppose what i do kind of have is always my baseline is would i have entrusted these people to look after my children and if the answer to that's no then it's not good enough for the child that i'm looking for very good did really well yes brilliantly we didn't think it was for us i mean you would have i think that's what came out loud and clear this is the moment where they have to work out who i give the book to isn't it yep so the book goes back to you it's a problem [Music] uh that was a unanimous recommendation and i was so delighted to uh [Music] and to thank you for your commitment and your hard work yeah i wish you all did because the books come to me that means i can now take the book to tommy so i'll go through this now with him to show him new mummies in his bedroom and his garden and the park and all the things that are in the book hopefully then when he gets to meet them on tuesday they're familiar faces to him and then when he goes to the house the following week he'll recognize the bedroom and things it should now gradually slowly build and build and build for him tommy you want to look at your boot with jackie welcome to your home and it says tommy it's for tommy should we open it up and have a look inside are you ready oh who's that it's the two mummies oh who's this face who's going to sleep in that bed is it tommy's bed yeah yes we'll give it to gene thank you there you go gene mommy mom the name needs to change i'm sorry folks but with these people you do it yourself jackie we've gone through here we've done all this before and it's never been a problem gene and brian have been foster carers ever since their own children grew up some of them only come through dear or what have you but it must be nearing hundred merc i think now i'm being honest there's some i knew you gladly wave off i spoon and thoughts got one special one we fostered rebecca she had some problems and we actually knew look after her and we ended up adopting her best thing we ever did they're playing school and they all end up special that's trouble and then when they're leaving and you think why have i put myself through this and then you do it again because there's somebody else needs you and they'll off [Music] i wonder sometimes though the others are yeah first one that was ever adopted comes the year for me occasionally yeah yeah it'd be nice but no they're all going on [Music] they're too sensitive to do this job we had it the other day i couldn't do it two or three because they're not approved up to seven year old so there's no point in looking at them for these yeah with a deadline rapidly approaching for annette to find lauren liam an adopted family the fostering team have had to begin the search for a long-term foster family lauren and liam they're seven and three they were looking for adoption but they've decided not to follow that well they can't find anyone for both of them there has been a discussion about whether to split them but they've got a good close relationship so they're staying together and again we're going to need two bedrooms with those so it's part of the group we've got up there this is probably about our average in fact i've got two boards and there's a similar number on that board as well so the moments we must have about 20 children that we're actually looking at moving placements to a more permanent one to a permanent one really hi diane it's kim from the fostering team we've currently got three sets of siblings who require replacement we've got a four and a six year old a two and a five year old and a three and a seven year old at present i'm wondering if you'd like to have a bit of a conversation about all three sets of siblings no no that's milot and that's from the new search in a week we'll know one way or another whether we're going to be leaning on the adoption plan more or leaning on the long-term foster placement plan more at the moment i don't know which way it's going to go but i know what i'm hoping for i'm not going to take this home tonight because every time i open my bag it'll just weigh on my mind some nights you need to not think about it and i've done really well and only had one cigarette today and now i want another one i promised my son i wouldn't smoke today he's gonna know i'm lying now [Music] there will come a time where we say are we at the end of the search really you know have we had any interest i'd like more work to be done with adopters to help them understand that babies aren't the be-all and end-all there's young children like these two they're desperate they're actually asking for parents and they've not really got any behavioral problems but it's hard because as i hear myself saying this i think well if i feel that way why don't i adopt them social workers who've been family founded for children will eventually you know conclude that adoption isn't appropriate any more it will do more damage to that child to keep pursuing that as the plan i need to start reinforcing that message now that long-term foster care is a more likely option and it's just as good as an adoptive placement i think she sees that anyway but it worries me what she said the other week when i said what do you think long-term foster care is and she said when adopters don't want me that really upset me actually okay in a go it's not looking that promising for adopters i'm still not giving up hope completely you just never know what's meant to be and if somebody sees that profile land on the desk they might just think they're perfect you know hello so i was just giving an update to dev and chris that i've been what do you think i've been doing when i've been at work so what have i been doing yeah foster carer yeah she's really really desperate to settle down somewhere and call it her own home do you know what i mean i know she'd love to stay here with with us like um and if things would have been different maybe that would have been an option what's our understanding of why she can't stay here well we've told her it's been it's a number of reasons um not because we don't love her or anything like that it's just one short term and it's time to move on yeah and you can stay with your next foster carers until you're 18. with liam yeah but also we haven't got the space because you're growing up and you need two separate bedrooms that's just probably more understandable yeah just playing devil's advocate here when you just said it's not because we don't love you blah blah blah she'll have already heard that from mum that's just going to reinforce the kind of rejection in her mind which is why i'm worried how she's going to interpret if i can't find adopters is that going to be another rejection so is that double whammy triple whammy i needed to understand that long term her is a really good option lauren yearns for you know a mum someone to be able to call mom and somebody to you know to know who's going to be there somebody continuous for the rest of their life what else can you think of what you'd like mom and dad to be like for you i can't think of anything worse than not having a family and to have them taken away from you what does it leave you don't leave you anything really does it yeah so mums and dads i want you to read them all out now because you're a super feel reader when i'm sad yeah look after me when i'm poo good girl help me school equal dollars so these are all things that we'd like for a mummy and daddy for you aren't there but also if you went to a long-term foster carer you're listening so all these different things lauren yeah that you've just read out foster carers do them as well did they yeah i would not like to be in lauren's situation but she's such a resilient child and i think most of these children are because they're brought up very harshly they've got to be resilient and it you know it just plucks at your heart strings it does we'll try to keep this as quick as we can because you know we've got one thing in mind and he's about this big hello today caroline and michelle are going to be introduced to tommy for the first time if all goes well by the end of the week he'll be moving to their house for good so it's been jackie's responsibility to make sure that tommy's got the information he needs what information did you ask him for a beautiful book the problem is he's still only two years old so he hasn't really got a concept of what's happening at all no as i say he knows he's going but he thinks we're all going with him yeah during the visit carol and michelle will be given the opportunity to start the bonding process with tommy and caroline and michelle following that meeting they'd go and meet the children with the foster carers and that would probably be just for a couple of hours not to overwhelm the children this is the nicest day when they come and see them for the first time and it's not about us or anybody else is it it's just about tommy getting a family and settling down but it's usually quite an exciting day quite exhausting as well for for the adopters and the foster carers two mummies are coming in a bit yeah because there's a lot of build up to that first day no two mummies are coming see this way see they're coming in occur in a minute they've been to this very official meeting to start the day off go on we're going wait for them it's filmed go away and that's almost their permission you can go and meet your children now okay now let's stand on that chair and watch the jackie coming oh tommy you're being silly see mummys are coming soon let them see you a good boy come on mummy's coming mummies are coming yeah you mummy two mommies yeah they're doing the jackie's car in east car durka mummy bishop sharp get in here quickly quickly [Music] mummies have come to say hello to you you're not sure whom you are yeah sure that's all right i'll show them you are yeah have you gone short come on go assume you're right you ready are you ready you're staying on that photographer it's hard it's hard for us and it's uh it must be hard for them sit down and sit down and mummy i'll show you that boot one come on sit they must feel like doing a goldfish ball that fireman sam let's find me something let's find my sam in there go have a look oh his bedroom is that [Music] but it must be it must be awful come on then let's go and find some tommy some toys and show mommy some toys thank you give it to me that's always should we find for tommy to show mommy what are you doing the show means what whoa you're gonna show us what to do it's too much just expecting just to suddenly run into people's arms and things and so over the couple of days it'll just build up next time i see them it will just be like he's always been with them you can't imagine meeting him for the first time and being in somebody else's home that is a bit daunting it's nerve-wracking but it's also the best day you like yeah he's emotional very emotional he's just that feeling of yeah and it's that feeling of that is he gonna yeah is he going to lie because you're ready you ready you two look at me mums the deadline given to annette to find any adopters willing to take on laura and liam has now passed yesterday i should have had a case management discussion about changing the plan for lauren and liam but unfortunately paul was out came in today and one of the other social workers said you need to go and see ann she's been in looking for an older sibling group told her all about the children she's taking the profile out tonight and i said to her this is literally the last chance because i've stopped searching now and i'm due to go out tomorrow and see a long-term foster carer i'm building my hopes up my answer we'll see we'll see you've got to be hopeful in this job what else have you got you deal with the disappointment and then you just get on with it but when there's some hope you've got to jump at it so yes very excited who's buffing you tonight please me yeah hey mummy yeah after five days of getting to know his new mummies tommy is on his way to their house for the first time he's been on the park he's been took farm been everywhere haven't you yeah he's been great with the money i can't tell you the number of times that people have said oh they're too short those introductions you call them zombies baby he'll take much longer to be able to do that when they don't [Applause] because they've grown up trusting their foster carers and then they see that their foster carers trust the adopters and that's what makes it work go show becky your new bedroom before we go which way you see oh fabulous hey hey you've got a fabulous room really nervous oh that's lovely when you do this you've got you can go yeah right i'm going so i'll see you tonight come on point i think you'll be fine kids are very adaptable and thompson is hurting i think we'll be we'll be worse than you so you know you can't help yourself can you i think i think we've done okay with the process myself if you if you can't love them then you've not done your job happy have you you know last night lauren and liam's details were taken out to a potential adopter so birthday meal last night family meal on the way there i had a missed call from anne um and i thought i'll ring her back when i pull into the car park at the restaurant i rang her back and it was anne's message saying it's good news and they want the little boy and girl and i just i just held the phone looked at my husband and burst out crying couldn't believe it um and he just started laughing and uh he said i'll get the kids in into the restaurant he said you have a minute and then i walked back into the restaurant and i was just i couldn't stop the tears really happy tears and the kids said are you okay i said i'm absolutely fine and they said happy birthday mum so yeah super birthday believe it or not oh my god i don't think i've ever been so happy to see my eyes puffy let's go and seek him might as well get all the tears out in this first 20 minutes of my day i know and based on what she said as well does fostering me nobody wants i know i know and somebody wants them now so it's robin's head it is i don't eat some nuts they've said yeah you want to adopt them [Laughter] she'll sit down i know honestly don't go there we've been exactly the same it was like the best thing that could ever happen i just taken place i know so i honestly don't be i couldn't wait to tell you but it's just so vitally important that the kids don't learn anything so um at least until pamela anyway [Laughter] i thought these are tears of joy she's very very happy one very happy foster carer you go through so much with them you want the best forum but i think next time i wouldn't like to keep a child as long as two and a half years i think you'll become too attached i think you grow to love them like your own um i think it's going to be difficult to be lauren and liam's potential adopters will now begin to be prepared for the panel for tommy it's time to move on so today is the transfer um he moves from being in foster care to moving to his adoptive placement today for the child's it's just another day for foster carers it's really hard they've raised this little boy for the last two years so we need to do it quickly because children pick up on it it can appear quite an abrupt thing but it really is just a case of they arrive and they leave right just go folks yeah all right you know i mean i gave it to me at i'm going to pass him over i'm not going to get upset it doesn't work and it doesn't go any easier however many times you do it but um he loved he loved graham he did he loved him and he was as bad as me really when he went can i just on behalf of tommy say thank you to you all for everything you've done for him yeah it's been a pleasure yeah thank you really oh it's uh it's been lovely [Music] no no no that's an elephant [Music] the first few days it was like a big big shot to the system yeah you think you're prepared for it but you're not tiring very tiring well then you can't imagine it without can you no what's that no no no no that's a frog i can't imagine life without no coming out no no it's like he's always been here brush your teeth goodnight tom i love you [Music] that's your daddy and that's your mummy it's a lot harder with older children because they become very frightened what is the adult like me lauren they'll like you i promise they're probably worried but you're not going to like them as well as lauren and liam prepare to finally meet their new parents another baby is taken into care [Music] you

Channel: Origin

Views: 239,084

Keywords: adopting, adoption, adoption process, fostering, family, social work, children, carers, adopt, full documentary, child adoption center, adoption story, adoption surprise, social services taking baby, social services documentary, social worker documentary, social work documentary, social work uk, social worker day in the life, child protective services, child neglect, origin, foster care, foster care homes, social workers

Id: Fyry4FTbPDg

Length: 45min 8sec (2708 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 11 2022