- Oh good, I'm so glad that you're here. I'm just taking some fresh
baked cookies out of the oven. I actually invented the recipe myself. They are to die for. So let those cool. Oh, don't leave without me giving you the new scarf that I just knitted for you. I think it's gonna look really great. I got the colors so they
would match your skin tone. And I have been reading
the most fascinating book. Do you wanna borrow this? I'll lend it to you. Yeah, I think you'll really enjoy it, and you would not believe what happened when I was out on my run today. Okay, why don't we go visit
while the cookies cool, and I'll tell you all about it? (upbeat music) Okay, so today, let's talk
about fantasy self stuff. And I don't wanna imply that
this is a super easy topic, or cut and dry at all, but I do think there's some questions
that we can ask ourselves that will help to make these decisions just a little bit easier. I did put them all together in a printable that you can get down below as well, if that's helpful for you
to kind of work through. But why don't we go through them? So I saw a video that was super helpful by an actual psychologist, (laughs) so someone that knows what
they're talking about. So I'm gonna link to that down below. It might be helpful for you too, but today, I mostly wanna share
just from my own experiences and from those of you who have shared. And like I said, I think
there's some questions that we can ask ourselves that
will make it a lot easier. So first and foremost, what
is our fantasy self like? What are we even talking about here? And again, in that
video that I referenced, I love what she said that "it's who we wish we could be
or we think that we should be in relation to who we already are." But she also goes on to
say that "it can represent all the programming we had as children, as to what our parents or caregivers or peers
thought we should be, or a person that we feel
might be more impressive to others or who is more accomplished. It might involve aspects
of who we were in the past or who we secretly dream
we could be in the future." So I'll give you a few
examples from my own life, and then we'll move on to
some of these questions. And hopefully, this will
help you think through some of your own fantasy
self roles as well. So when I was growing up,
I played the French horn. I played the French horn because my mom always wanted
to play the French horn but had to play the saxophone
when she was in school. And so I actually, I played
all through high school and into college as well. And it was a great experience, but I never actually fully saw
myself as a French hornist. I enjoyed it. It wasn't bad by any means. I had some great experiences
traveling with band, and it was just a good like
discipline to learn too. But after college, even
though I had bought my own French horn, I never played again. And I ended up selling it when Tom and I needed
money one year, right? And so that was a fantasy
self that was inspired by someone else in my life. And I love my mom and I
enjoyed the French horn, but it didn't become part of who I was, and it wasn't something that I necessarily wanted to continue into adulthood. And then when I was in my
20s, I was working at a gym, someone walked in and said, "Hey, we should get a group together to run a marathon for
the Leukemia Society." And I was like, "Hey, that sounds fun. Let's do it." And overnight, I became a runner. And so then I went and I bought the shoes and the shorts and the water bottles and the different things
that you need to be a runner. And I did the marathon, but a couple other like half marathons and 5Ks after that. And that carried with me because often, I would think to myself, especially after I started having kids and stuff, I should get back into running. But again, if I look back
to where it came from, it was just this like fluke thing. Like someone walked in and
said, "Hey, we should do it." And I probably mostly participated because of the group culture around it. And so maybe that's
something you've got into. It could be like a card group, scrapbooking or rubber stamping. There's a lot of group
stuff that goes around that. So have you been peer
pressured into something? And then there's another side of myself, and that would be the
side that loves to do like DIY home projects
and that kind of stuff. And that was also nurtured
while I was growing up. But I loved doing anything creative, whether it was sewing or
4H projects for the fair. So now, that is something that has stuck with me into adulthood. It is part of who I see myself as, and something that I
really want to continue to do more and more of. And so while that was
also somewhat inspired by my childhood, it was
something that I found for myself that I wanted
to take on that identity or have that be a part
of who I am and what I do because it just fit who I am and it's something that I really enjoy and I look forward to. And so what I would ask you
as our question number one is what are some of
your fantasy self roles? And as you're listing 'em out, can you also think back to
where did this come from? What inspired it? How did I get into this? It can be helpful as we move
forward in these questions decide if we should
keep this stuff or not. It is somewhat helpful to understand where the influence came from and was it something that was truly part of who I want to be and
who I see myself becoming? Or were there other influences? And I love, in the
video, that gal says that if we can recognize
that this fantasy self, this role isn't my own,
that it actually belongs to somebody else, it makes
it easier to part with and then to part with the
stuff that goes along with it. But we'll talk about that too as we get a little further into it. So question number one, what
are your fantasy self roles and what inspired them or
where did they come from? All right, so question number two then is does this fantasy self, does this bring life or
does this bring guilt? And I know so many of you will share that you've gotten into
quilting or scrapbooking, camping, essential oils, baking, lots of recipe books and cookbooks. And in the beginning,
it was very enjoyable and it was very fun, right? And we liked it. We could see ourselves
doing this for a long time. But now, when we look at
this stuff, we feel guilty. And so does this bring life? Does this bring guilt? Or does it bring a combination of both? Because it might very
well bring both feelings. But again, if we can distinguish between whether this is life giving or whether it makes me feel guilty, again, that's gonna help us know if
we should declutter it or not. And if it does bring both, we're gonna talk about that more too. So does it bring life, or does it make you feel kind of guilty and crappy about yourself? But a good night's sleep should not be something that we fantasize about. Today's video is sponsored by Helix, and you should expect to get a good night's sleep every single night. There are so many important
benefits to sleep. We all know that it helps
our energy and our mood. But did you know that it also increases our productivity and creativity and also our immunity and
our ability to fight disease? It even helps us to manage our weight. The benefits of a good night's
sleep are so important, and you might even achieve some more of those fantasy self projects
that you've been wanting to if you're waking up feeling well-rested. We've had our Helix mattress for over two and a half years now, and we know that every single night, we are gonna get a good night's sleep, and we really want that for you too. And they really couldn't make it easier. You go online and you
take their sleep quiz. And so it's really quick and easy, but you just put in the
information for yourself and anyone else that you might sleep with. And so you put in like height, weight, that kind of information. But then also, what position
do you normally sleep in? And do you ever wake up with back pain? That's a big one. Also, what firmness do
you generally prefer? And then they combined
all that information and they make a recommendation to you for the best mattress to fit to your body and your sleep style. And so for us, it's the Helix Dusk Luxe, and we're so pleased with how
well it's been holding up. You can't tell any like
indents or either a sleep. It's still perfectly
flat and still has just the right firmness as
when we first got it. But to put your mind at ease, because you would be
buying a mattress online and you don't get to go
into a store to test it out, they give you a 100 night sleep trial. So you get to sleep on
it for over three months and really get to test
it out night after night to see if it's just the right fit for you. And if not, no worries. They will help you out with that. But beyond that, once you get through your initial 100 nights, they also have a 10-year warranty. So they are standing behind the mattress to make sure that you
get a good night's sleep, now and into the future as well. And if you use our link down below, you can save up to $200 and get a couple of free pillows as well. But the most important part
is that you get to enjoy all of these great benefits
of a good night's sleep. Like more productivity, more
energy, more creativity, right? So you can actually finish and complete some of those fantasy self projects that you've been wanting to. So as we're looking at the ones that maybe bring more guilt now, I think it can also be helpful to ask, has this changed over time? So is it possible that
for that short season, I enjoyed running, I enjoyed
the community around it, it was a good way to keep
in shape or whatever, but as I moved into other seasons, it was an unrealistic
expectation to put on myself? And so it can be really
helpful to ask ourselves, has this changed or evolved over time? And if so, that's okay. All right, so question number four, is it possible that if we decluttered some of our fantasy selves, that it would leave more
room time, energy, finances to invest into one or two
that fits the season of life that we're in right now
and who we want to be from here on moving forward? And so is it possible that
we can really simplify things and then it's actually
gonna be more enjoyable? So I've shared that
like over the past year, I kinda realized like I
could really only have like one-ish hobby, right? And so I decided that I
wanted that to be gardening. I wanted to learn how to
plan a garden, grow a garden, and cook and can and take
care of the produce then that comes out of it. And so that became kind
of a singular focus to me. I probably had another like partial hobby in making bunt cakes, and that has been super
fun for me as well. It was fun to do it and
to make the recipe book, but I don't think it'll
be a long-term thing. But I try not to get
things that I have to get like more baking materials or equipment or that kind of stuff for. So that's why I kind
of like really narrowed in on bunt cakes. And I only needed the bunt cake pan and then that was enough. So anyways, I have like one
and a half hobbies now, right? But I love it. I enjoy it and I can still
keep my house simplified, so that I have time to do those things. And I know I've shared this story before, but my mom loves rubber stamping, and she'll just tell
me over and over again that as she has simplified
her materials for it, that it is so much more enjoyable. So again, as we're
weeding out those hobbies or those fantasy self things
that don't bring life to us, if we look at the ones that
we would potentially keep, could we even simplify them further, and would we enjoy them even more? Isn't it amazing? It just never ceases to amaze
me how in every area of life, if we will lower and reduce the inventory, it makes it easier and more enjoyable. I don't know that I have found an area of my life that that's not true. And so we simplify it
and then many of us find that it's less to manage
and that we are more likely to do the activity then that we have acquired this step for. And then again, along the lines of, if we're deciding what to
keep and how much to keep, I think it's really
helpful to ask ourselves, when will I do this hobby, and how much time do I have for it? When you would look at my
mom's rubber stamp step, you would think that she was
doing it eight hours a day, seven days a week by how much
stuff she had acquired, right? And we know how it happens. She would go to parties, which are very fun and
interactive and a group thing. She would get together with other friends. They would exchange stuff. You would just acquire
more for different holiday. I mean, we know, right? We know how it all comes
about, but realistically, she spends a few hours on it a week. And so it can be very
helpful to realistically estimate out how much
time do I have for this, and then how much stuff
do I need to do that? Now, again, I don't wanna imply that it is just super easy then to declutter all of this stuff. And so if you find yourself
with overflowing craft room or that you've bought
tons and tons of stuff, it's really helpful to do it in layers. So we don't go in trying
to fully declutter the whole space in one weekend. We get rid of stuff that
we know we're not using. We donate stuff that we think
others could make use of. And then over time, we
continue to whittle it down, either by donating or selling this stuff until it's a more manageable amount. But I know so many people say like, "Oh, how do I tackle my craft room?" And I would set the timer for 15 minutes and go in and group like with like. That's a a very effective strategy for any area that's ever
overwhelming to you. So we group like stuff with like stuff, and it helps us to see how much we have, and it shows us where we have duplicates, and then we can start to
let some of that stuff go. But again, if we've spent a
lot of money on this stuff, that's not always easy. I'm actually seeing a basket
of books now under my bed. And so I would say I probably have another fantasy self of
reading lots and lots of books and being very knowledgeable. And again, going back to
that like initial slide where she says, do I hope
that this is gonna make me a better version of myself or a version that more people would like? And I find myself because I'm like, "Oh, I wanna be super smart," right? I want people like, "Oh wow, that was so good what you
said." And so if I read books and I get these like pieces of knowledge and I can share them,
doesn't Dawn look so smart? (laughs) Right? But again, that's not wrong. It's not wrong that I
wanna find helpful things and share it with others. But isn't it amazing how I look
at that basket and I'm like, "Oh, I feel kinda guilty
because I've acquired way more books than I have time for." I think it's just finding
this balance with it and not being too hard on ourselves because no one taught us this. When you go to a craft party or a stamping party or
something like that, the demonstrator doesn't
say, "Oh, do you know what?" I think you already have
enough supplies at home. When you're scrolling
on Facebook or Instagram and there's ads popping up, when you go to click
to buy, they don't say, "Oh, wait, don't buy that. You have enough books at home." No one's telling us that. If anything, it's the opposite. We're always being
encouraged to buy, buy, buy. So it is not wrong. There's nothing wrong with
you if you have acquired lots of stuff for a fantasy
self or another version of yourself that you really thought was gonna come to fruition, that you thought was gonna be practical, and that you were gonna do. There's nothing wrong with that, right? The only wrong thing to do,
which I keep moving forward, having this stuff causing
you to feel guilty or shameful in your house. That's kind of wrong,
in my opinion, (laughs) if I were to say so. So let's be willing to move
that step out, because again, everything in our house
is sending us messages, and we only wanna have stuff in our house that is is sending us good
and positive messages. All right, so one more
topic that I do wanna tackle because I think it's
important is when it comes to health stuff, exercise stuff,
stuff for making smoothies and cooking healthy and all of that stuff, let's talk about that
because I know sometimes, we feel like, well, I
can't declutter that stuff because I actually do need to become a healthier version of myself. So earlier this fall, I got
to visit with Dr. John Delony, and I actually asked him this question because I know it's something
that hangs all of us up. And here's what he had to say. Now, still here I am and, John, like I actually really
do need to lose weight. Now, do I just accept like, okay, well, this is where I am now? - I like to use those moments as data. So I bought a treadmill and
I'm gonna run 24 miles a day. I'm gonna lose all this
weight on this treadmill. And then nine months later,
it's piled over with clothes, and it's just sitting there, right? And my husband or wife's
just banging up against it and they're annoyed by it. I still need to take care of my body. I'm gonna be a good steward of my body. I've got to come up with some
ways I'm gonna be healthy. And I can also say it's not
gonna be on a treadmill. - Yeah, yeah.
- Right? It's not mutually exclusive. - Right.
- So this particular path didn't work for me. I've got pairs of running shoes 'cause I'm just gonna turn into a runner. And I always forget. They'll come in the mail,
my wife will be like, "Oh, so you're trying this again?" And I'm like, "Ah, geez." And so it's not quitting just because I ran up against a thing. I bought this cool blender to like make smoothies on infomercial. I'm not a smoothie guy, right? So I'm gonna say, "That was stupid. I should have thought through that. Maybe I can practice
before I go buy something." So I'm gonna get rid of it. I'm gonna move on with my day. - So again, I just wanna encourage you that if there's any exercise equipment, health equipment that you're not using, that you don't like it, let's not force ourselves
to use stuff we don't like or that doesn't work for us. Instead, let's just look for the simplest form
of this that we can do. So maybe it's just
developing a walking habit. And maybe you know yourself
and you're more likely to go if you find a walking
partner in your neighborhood or a friend that you can meet up for it. So again, it didn't necessarily
need more equipment. Maybe we just needed a little
built-in accountability or someone else to do it for. Even when it comes to healthy eating, I found that you don't really need vitamixes, nutribullets. I don't know, what are
the other things you see on infomercials late at night, right? Protein powders, all that kind of stuff. For most of us, we can
use the stuff that we have in our kitchen to start
the healthy eating habit. And then, and then once we
have developed the habit, we might reward ourselves by investing in a nutribullet or something like that. Similarly, once we develop
the habit of walking, then we're gonna invest in
a new pair of walking shoes or a cool water bottle or
something else like that. And one last thing that
Nena said in that video that I thought was so
good is to remember that we are enough how we are right now. And so it's cool to
get things that help us to be better versions of ourselves, that are things that we enjoy doing. But again, if we're looking for this stuff to make us cooler, more
popular, more likable, something like that, we're probably gonna come
up empty handed, right? And so you are enough
how you are right now. I know it doesn't always feel like it. I understand that, right? But you are, and this stuff
is meant to enhance our lives and to make it a little bit better, not to make our lives harder,
not to make us feel guilty that we haven't achieved
it, we haven't become it, or we've wasted our money and can't keep all this
stuff organized, right? None of us need that. None of us need that
in our house right now. So let's all be willing to agree we're gonna let the stuff
go that cause us guilt, keep the stuff that we like and enjoy, and understand that there's
still gonna be adjustments that we're gonna have
to make in the future, that life will always change. We don't know what the future
holds, but most likely, it will be better if
we try to manage less. All right, well, I'm looking
forward to hearing down below, like what are the different
fantasy selves that you've had, the different versions. Again, if you have spent
money on this stuff, it can be hard to let it
go, but you're worth it. Your mental energy and
everything is so worth it. So you have permission today
to let that kind of stuff go. And if you're still struggling with knowing where to
start with decluttering, in our last video, we talked about 21 things to declutter on garbage day. And we had some checklists
that go along with it. So I'm gonna link to that as well. Again, if you're just like, somebody, just tell me what to do. That's exactly what we
did in that video as well. So I'll link to that, if you're looking for a
little extra motivation. But I love you. I hope you have a really good day, and I'll see you again soon.
