Then, when I was 27, I
was diagnosed with PCOS, Polycystic ovary syndrome. I saw a list of my complications and saw infertility as one of them. Suddenly the question of do I want kids? flip to, can I even have kids? I pushed this question far
into the back of my mind. And I said, I'd really think
about it when I turned 30. Then life did its thing and
here I was 30 years old. The pace of my life has slowed down. The lessons I learned in 2020
were becoming more ingrained in my mind. But even though I was 30, I was in no rush to start a family. Ben and I talked about having kids one day but it wasn't now, maybe in a few years. But the only change I made
was to get off birth control. Then this happened. According to this period calculator, I am 16 days late. I'm scared. I haven't told Ben. I haven't told a single soul but I got a test. I was scared to take this because, if I'm pregnant like
everything's gonna change. I don't know if I'm
gonna be a good mother. (crying) I feel like I should
be happy for something but I'm just really scared, what if I try my best and my kid still doesn't love me? (crying) Why does my mind do this? Why does it? Why can't I just be excited? (crying) I haven't even taken the test and I'm like sobbing. Okay. I don't know if I
should take it though. Oh my god. But I kinda wanna know but then it says on the directions to like use my morning pee and it's like the afternoon,
it's like late afternoon. But I need to know. I feel like this is Pandora's box. Like once I open this,
there's like, no going back. If I see two lines, then everything's gonna change. (sighs) I don't know if I am ready. I just fucking did it. I fucking did it. I peed on the stick. My heart is racing so fast. (grumbles) I'm shitting myself. Oh shit! There are few definitive moments in your life that leave you
in a position like this. It was life before this moment and after this moment. And right here, all I felt was pure fear. Two lines, clear and
distinct, no room for error. I am pregnant. My tears stopped and my body went numb. I was in complete shock. I had to tell Ben Oh my goodness! - [Jenn] This is a moment of bliss. - Oh my god! - [Jenn] His reaction made
me feel so safe and loved. We sat down and discussed
this life changing news and agreed that this was
in a way perfect timing. (laughs) - [Jenn] But once that
happy moment passed, reality set in. it's always taken me a bit longer to process huge changes in my life. And I kept flipping back and forth from, I think I can do this to I am not ready. I knew nothing about babies. I also felt like I was mourning
this chapter of my life because it was about to end. I also felt immense guilt
that I even felt this way, knowing that so many women were
struggling to get pregnant. I was emotionally off the rails and I had to tell my mom. I needed to talk to
someone who is a mother. (speaking foreign language) - [Jenn] I instantly felt reassured. (speaking foreign language) - [Jenn] During times of crisis, I just need someone I love to remind me that
everything is gonna be okay. I am seven weeks pregnant now and I actually feel a lot better. It's crazy, I can't believe
I just found out last week. So my mind, my state of
mind has calmed down. I feel hopeful. Now that I was beginning
to feel more settled about this new life change, I was on a mission to learn
everything about Parenthood. I ordered books, join Reddit forums, downloaded pregnancy apps and I watched hours and
hours of birthing vlogs. It was the only thing I was focusing on as pregnant women were bombarded with so many things we
can't do and should do. And the more I learned, the more I felt like I
didn't know anything at all. Each new topic just became a new wormhole of infinite information. I started to slip into my
habit of catastrophizing. There is so much doubt in my head. I knew it was time for therapy. The best advice I got, was to take only the responsibilities needed for that week I was in. So if I was only eight weeks pregnant, my job was to do only what
eight weeks pregnant people do. Which is to take a prenatal, drink water and avoid stress. I finally started to feel better and I was beginning to fully
surrender to this new change. Yes, my body will change. Yes, my lifestyle will change. Yes, my priorities will change. Then, I finally saw you at the ultrasound and seeing you made everything real. You were just tiny
gummy bear at that point but there you were in this pixelated screen. - How we can hear the heartbeat as well. - I know. Wow! Each time I saw you, I fell in love with you a little bit more. This urgency to protect you flooded in me. I just wanna take care of you and there are so many things, I'm dying to know about you. What's your favorite meal gonna be? What's gonna make you laugh? Who will your friends be? What will you look like? Will you have your dad's eyes? My nose? Who will you be? I don't even know you yet, but how do I love you so much already? - [Ben] Jenn's pregnant! (cheering) (clapping) (cheering) - [Ben] Jenn's pregnant. (cheering) That's your grandson. or your granddaughter. - You are? - [Jenn] Yeah. - Oh my god! [Jenn] Yeah. - Holy shit! - [Jenn] I know. We're excited to share everything with you and we're excited to teach
you everything that we know. But already, you're
teaching me so much too. And the first lesson you taught me, is to surrender to this
beautiful gift of the unknown and trust that everything
is gonna be okay. And we are so excited to be your parents. (soft music)
I don’t follow her anymore but wishing them the very best!! I was really glad that she shared how she felt about it at the beginning because it is a big change and it’s often scary for some. It made me feel a little better about how I feel about pregnancy and all lol
Oh my god, her crying about worrying about being a good mom, that never goes away. Being responsible for another human being and their happiness is so damn stressful. I appreciate how honest this was. I've followed her for a long time and am excited to see where this takes her.
Adding to the enormous wave of Youtubers that are expecting in the last year, Jenn Im announced that she’s pregnant! I didn’t know she had PCOS and appreciate that she addressed her fears and anxieties over becoming a mother (along with the usual excitement and joy that comes with the change). I thought it was pretty refreshing to see, especially compared to her usual content which is pretty polished.
I haven't followed Jenn in many, many years, so it's nice to see her content again :-)
This video was really beautiful. I hope she knows how amazing it is for her to share such a raw, emotional experience with her viewers.
I cried watching this because I felt for her and the emotions that she was going through. I'm not a mom and while I love kids, I don't think I ever want to have them. Watching her scared to take the test, I felt that dread in myself that I think just solidified my stance on kids lol.
I appreciate that she was honest instead of the usual 'oh i'm so happy' thing most people do. That just because she seemingly has her life together doesn't mean she's eager to have a child. It's very honest when she said she felt like she was mourning the end of the chapter of her life. I love everyone's reactions too. So cute. Good for them.
I've watcher her from the early clothesencounter days. Her growth has been very inspirational and amazing to watch especially in the past two years. Her honesty is so nice to see. I'm so happy for her. I normally dont really get emotional over youtubers lives but damn. Daaamn.
I really loved this video and how she was so open about her concerns. I’m so happy for her!
This video was so sweet and emotional. I really appreciated her showing how much she was struggling with the pregnancy early on. Cried a few times during this vid :’)
This video was so raw and uncut. She showed her true feelings about pregnancy even at her age when she seemingly has her life together. It is scary, and for me not wanting to have kids until much later in my life it solidified that the weary feeling doesn’t go away. I cried watching her announcement because I’ve watched her since she was at UC Davis and I was 12/13 now I’m 25. It’s beautiful to see the growth of people you have followed for so long.