(dynamic music) ("Foxy Roxy" by Calvin Harris) ♪ I've got a girl, her name is Roxy ♪ ♪ You all see her, she's so sexy ♪ ♪ She is so fine and she is so foxy ♪ ♪ Deep down inside ♪
- One second. ♪ I feel so funny ♪ ♪ Without a doubt ♪ ♪ They know she loves me ♪
- Hey now, okay. ♪ But everybody want my Foxy ♪ ♪ The way she wears her
hair and the way she walks ♪ ♪ The way she holds my hand
and the way she talks ♪ ♪ The way she kisses
me and thrills me so ♪ ♪ I know that I will never,
never, ever let her go ♪ - Ow, goddammit. Oh, are you okay? - Yeah.
- Oh, okay. I thought I figured
this out when I was 15. Ooh, whoa, okay, um... ♪ Because everybody loves my Foxy ♪ - Oh, oh, shit, oh! (Allan breathes heavily) ♪ The way she holds my hand
and the way she talks ♪ - Ow, oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, cramp,
cramp, cramp, cramp, cramp. ♪ I know that I will never,
never, ever let her go ♪ - [Allan] All right.
♪ And if the fellows ♪ ♪ Get too chummy she tell them
strictly that she's my honey ♪ ♪ And in their hearts they feel envy ♪ ♪ Because everybody loves my Foxy ♪ ♪ The way she wears her
hair and the way she walks ♪ ♪ The way she holds my hand ♪ (mellow instrumental music) - Thanks, baby. You gotta help me if I
can't remember their names. - Come on. If you can remember some of
that crap dialogue I gave you, you can remember their names. - I'm nervous. - Well, I'll tell you what, I
think they're gonna love you, but if they don't, well, I'll never talk to them again. - You're sweet. (lips smack) Baby? - Kevin? (Kevin farts) - Oh, man. (mellow instrumental music) Give me a hug, buddy. - Do I have to? - Fucking A, you do,
it's been 10 years, man! That's a decade in human years. Unless you count status
updates on Facebook. - Oh, god, okay, ooh, too close. Okay. I've known this joker since
he was eight years old. It seems like his brain
hasn't aged at all. Kevin, my fiance, Jennifer. - Hi.
(Kevin clears throat) Oh, uh...
- Kevin Simpkins. Awesome to meet you. - Nice to meet you. - Well, well, well, I
thought I heard voices. - Dr. Mitch. - In the flabby flesh. Hi, honey. - Mitch here, he's one of the top dentists in all of Bowie, Maryland. We were roommates three out
of the four years of college. The only one who could stand to put up with me for that long. - He's not that bad.
(Jennifer laughs) - Well, it was nice to meet you. - You, too, I've heard a lot of, actually I have not heard
much about you at all. We should remedy that. - You'll meet everyone at dinner. - Yeah.
(lips smack) Nice to meet you. - You too.
- Bye. - Oh. Oh my God, dude! (mellow instrumental music) - Okay, that Speedo leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. - You're just jealous. - I am now. - Allan, this is my friend Steven. - Wow, you're Steven too. How will I tell you guys apart? Okay, well. Come here you. So glad both you guys could come. (chuckling) (car honking) If you'll excuse me. (bird chirps) (Allan sighs) - Oh, that's not good enough? Jesus Christ. What are you, a dictator? I don't know. Oh, the car's insane. It's like larger than most
apartments I've lived in. Yes, stop nattering. Jesus. (water splashing) - I so owe you for this. - For what? - You know, for coming this weekend, for putting up with everything,
my mishuggina friends. - I came because you asked me. Because these were your best friends in the whole world and
it was important to you. - I know, but you really
took one for the team. - You embarrassed? - What, no. No, Steven. - It's been a while, hasn't it? - Funny, you know I was
thinking about how we first met, freshman year when I was living with Ryan in that broom
closet of a dorm room. Like Stonehenge in Spinal Tap. - Ah, the bunk bed fiasco. I remember. Ryan had me charming you
into getting bunk beds. - And I had you convinced
you had me charmed. - I did have you charmed. I just didn't have you convinced
into getting bunk beds. - Where's Jose? - Unpacking. He's very impressed with
the house by the way. - He's just part of my life
from a really long time ago. I mean, I even made out
with Gab once sophomore year when we were both totally wasted. It's just weird having my new life and my old life collide. (sighs) I don't know what I'm saying. - You know what you need? You need to relax. All I care about is these
people care deeply about you. I'm glad because I care about you. - I know. Dude, they're all nuts. - We're all a little crazy. - Can I get you something to drink? - No, but I'd love to meet the object of your current fleeting affections. By the way, which magazine is she the centerfold of this month? - You Googled her, I'm flattered. And, for your information,
she doesn't model anymore. She's an actress now
and a damn good one too. - I bet, like Pia Zadora. - You haven't even met her
yet, maybe you'll like her. - I've never liked
anyone you've ever dated. Why start now? - Laura? Hey.
(chuckles) (speaking French) - You speak French? - And Russian. I'm quite an admirer
of your husband's work. I hope we can convince him to sell us one of his paintings
before the weekend is over. - [Jose] For you, I'll
be happy to give you one. - Oh, that's okay, Jose. We can afford it. - Perhaps you could even let me paint you. - I think we should get
ready for dinner, darling. - Yes. - See you at dinner. (speaking French) - What a lovely man. (insects chirping) (guests chattering) - Really? (Allan clears throat) (spoon clanging) - Everyone, everyone. If you don't mind I'd
like to make a toast. I am delighted beyond words. I just wanna welcome you
all to my wedding weekend to the most beautiful, charming, and loving wife one could ask for. - [Stephen] Aw. - Jen and I talked about
what kinda wedding we wanted to have and the one thing
I knew I didn't want was to be surrounded by a bunch
of phony Hollywood sycophants. No, I wanted my real friends. And you, Jose.
(guests chuckling) To share this special day. There's no one else I could, would, or care to spend this weekend with. So thank you all for coming
from both near and far to share this special day with us. Chin, chin, everyone, thank you. - (together) Cheers. - Thanks, guys.
(glass clinking) - I don't know any of you very well, but it's really nice to have you here and I hope I get to know
you better this weekend. I love you all. - I love you all? Even I don't love them all. (Gabrielle laughs) - Apparently some things never change. (guests cheer) - Ah, you made it! - We practically gave up on you! Come here, bring it in.
- Hi! - So where the hell were you that you missed Allan's rehearsal dinner? - Maybe we don't talk to me
like we're still married, Kevin. - I'll talk to you however I wanna talk to you, Gabrielle.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, take a chill pill. - I'm--
- Gab, okay. Gab, you must be exhausted. Can I get you a drink? - I would love a tequila. Amazing, thank you, hold the rocks. - That's my girl. - Oh my goodness, is this Mrs.? Oh, I'm starving. Allan, she's lovely, oh! So nice to meet you. Hi, boys. - [Mitch] Hi, hi, hi. Oh, Mommy. - [Gabrielle] Long time. Who's the stud? - You are talking about me, right? - No. Hi. - This is my boyfriend, Steven. - Oh.
- Very nice to meet you, Gabrielle. - You can call me Gabby. Stephen, am I the only one
who didn't know you were gay? - Apparently, but I didn't come out till about three years after college so. - Really, I didn't know that. (amorous instrumental music) - Sorry, I just needed to freshen up. Hello there, ganglia.
(chuckles) Hey. (lips smack) (laughs) - Mother fucker! You're just doing this
to screw with me now, aren't you Gabrielle?
- Oh, that's right. Everything's always about you, Kevin. - Hey, come on, come on, come on, come on. Look, I didn't everyone
here to fight, okay? I mean, it's a party, right? I mean. Gosh, I mean how long has it been since we were all in the same room together? - Well, I'm sorry we were late. We're totally gonna make it up to you. What time's your shower tomorrow? - Shower? - [Gabrielle] You are having
a bridal shower, right? - No. - Oh, you are now, girl. - I love showering with chicks. - Okay, it's girls only, sorry. Well, the Stevens can come. - I'm not sure how to take that. - Well, fine, because let me tell you. We got a raging bachelor party planned, and we don't want you all
hanging around here anyway. - We'll do the shower. - Tonight we're gonna rage! (mellow instrumental music) - I didn't mean to interrupt. - Oh, it's just you. I told Allan I gave up smoking. He hates it. Mostly the smell and the cancer,
probably not in that order. (chuckling) - Interesting group of people. Very different than the
way I imagined them. You know, from the way
my wife described them. - They've all known each
other for a really long time. - I don't talk to anyone
I went to university with. Plus they're all spoiled. You? - I didn't go to college. - I see. You didn't miss anything. (laughing) They all act like it was something sacred, but, you know, in reality
it's just four more years of getting to act like children. Before you have to go out
to the real and cruel world. I don't think I would
be any less successful if I hadn't gone to university. - Excuse me? - Cigarette.
- Oh, of course. - Thanks. (lighter striking) - Which teen pop idol was not
in the new Micky Mouse Club? Britney Spears, JC
Chasez, Jessica Simpson, or Justin Timberlake? - Easy. - If it's so easy, what's the answer? - OJ Simpson. (Stephen chuckles) - [Steven] Wrong. - Wrong? - You said OJ Simpson. - Oh, come on, really? Jessica Simpson. - No, you don't get that point. You said OJ. - It was a slip of the tongue! God, you've turned into an
asshole in your old age. - Fine, I'll give it to you, but insulting me will get
you nowhere next time. - Is it my turn?
- Mm-hmm. (dice rolling) (piece tapping) - Who sang the national
anthem at Super Bowl XXV? - [Jennifer] Um. Um. (Laura clears throat) - Anything? No? Don't worry too much. You were probably still
an unfertilized egg in your mother's womb at the time. - (whispers) Whitney Houston. - Whitney. - It doesn't count. You know you're not on her team! - Oh my God, when did
you get so competitive? God, give her a break. Stephen, who did play in that game? - Football? You do know that I'm gay? - Buffalo Bills versus New York Giants. Giants rule. - Who are you? - When you think about
it, nothing really good happened in the 90s, except for Nirvana. And we know how that turned out. - How can you say that? The Mall of America opened in 1992. - I was born in the 90s. (polite groan) (men cheer softly)
(glasses clink) - Happy wedding, whoa, whoa! - Okay, that's enough. - Hey. - Oh, hi! You see, it's all about connection. Like in those old phone commercials. You ever see those old
phone commercials like AT&T? No, you probably never seen them because you just had an eyeful. (laughs) Reach out and touch someone. What is your name, dearie? - Liberty. - God bless America. - The thing that we all crave, the thing that unites
us as a human species is contact, right? - Oh, no. - No?
- Uh oh. - The idea that there's someone out there that we care about and
that they care about us. It doesn't have to be sexual. It can be emotional. It can be intellectual. Lao Chu... - Lao Tzu. - Lao Chu. - Lao Tzu. - We can agree to disagree. Lao Chu says being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Look at this fucker! I've known these boys for over 20 years. - Oh my God, Ian, are you
ever going to shut your mouth? (upbeat disco music) - [Stephen] Oh my God. - [Laura] Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Oh my God. - You know the rules. - Isn't there a statute of
limitations on our agreement? - No, no exceptions. Stephen, help.
- Don't look at me. (Gabrielle groans) - Here that? - [Gabrielle] No excuses, get up. (laughing) ♪ We can dance, dancing ♪ ♪ Dance, dancing ♪ ♪ We can go where we want to ♪ ♪ Night is young and so am I ♪ ♪ And we can bitch real neat
from our hands to our feet ♪ ♪ And surprising we will make you cry ♪ ♪ I say, you can like if you want to ♪ ♪ If you don't know now you will ♪ ♪ And you can act real
rude and talk to me rude ♪ ♪ I can act like I know myself ♪ ♪ I say, we can dance, we can dance ♪ ♪ Everything's outta control ♪ ♪ We can dance, we can dance ♪ ♪ We can do it if we want to go ♪ ♪ Hey, we can dance, we can dance ♪ ♪ Everybody here the commands ♪ ♪ We can dance, we can dance ♪ ♪ Everybody's taking their chance ♪ ♪ A safety dance, a safety dance ♪ ♪ It's a safety dance ♪ ♪ We can dance if you want to ♪ ♪ You can add your life to mine ♪ ♪ As long as we have music
never gonna lose it ♪ ♪ Everything will work out right ♪ ♪ I say, we can dance if we want to ♪ ♪ We can leave your friends behind ♪ ♪ Let your friends go and dance
even if they don't dance ♪ ♪ Whether your friends or mine ♪ ♪ I say, we can dance, we can dance ♪ ♪ Everything's outta control ♪ ♪ We can dance, we can dance ♪ ♪ Girl, you're about to crawl ♪ ♪ Hey, we can dance, we can dance ♪ ♪ Everybody move your hands ♪ ♪ We can dance, we can dance ♪ ♪ Everybody's taking a chance ♪ - Even Nietzsche said
it's not for lack of love, but lack of friendships that
makes for bad marriages. - Nietzsche? Goddammit, if I knew you were gonna talk to the stripper all
night, I would've stayed at home to play fucking League of Legends. - You play League of Legends? - Yeah, before it was even cool. - It's cool? - Yeah. - You know, he even wrote a sequel to Lord of the Rings in middle school. It was hot, yeah? - Shut up, Allan. - You shut up. It was called The Ring Still Lives. Tolkien would be so proud. You fucking dork. He looks so wet. (video game music) - Still playing? - Just getting started, brother. - Are you aware that
there is a reality going on all around you like people sleeping. - Don't be a spoil sport. Did you know more people
watch the League of Legends championships than the NBA playoffs? - Why would you pay to watch
other people play video games? That seems insane to me. - Not really. Do you watch basketball? - Yeah. - Do you enjoy watching a great
player like Lebron or Kobe? - Yeah. - Exactly, we love watching people who are the best at what they do. - Well, I wouldn't wanna
watch a heart transplant. - That's not my point. These are the greatest
competitors in the world and what they do is amazing. - Why don't you watch us play a while. Maybe you'll understand better. - No. I think I'm going to be taking a walk. I'll leave you two alone. Nice meeting you, Liberty. - My real name is not Liberty. - No kidding, what a shocker. - It's Julie. - There we go, Julie. Until we meet again.
- Shit. - My watch has ended. (mellow instrumental music) (cereal crashes in bowl) Breakfast of champions. (Gabrielle laughs) - How was the raging bachelor party? - Oh, let's just say
it's a pleasant surprise to finally awake. Twas a hard day's night, ladies. Kevin with his video games, ugh! So friggin' pathetic. What are you two doing up this early? - Allan came in and started
crooning Jenny I Got Your Number to Jennifer very loudly
until he passed out. After that, there was
no going back to sleep. Walls are very thin. - It's actually 867-5309, Tommy Tutone. Where you going for your shower anyway? - Oh, Steven II recommended
Two Bunch Palms. - [Ian] Oh. - Yeah, but they were completely booked. - Oh, that's too bad, it's cool. It's positively sybaritic, man. - Yeah. Anyway, so we are going to some new place. Venus de Fido. You can apparently bring your dog. - Oh, cool.
- Yeah. - I'm a bit of a spa
junkie myself, mm-hmm. Yeah. I don't suppose I could join you. - Oh yeah. No, I meant dogs of the canine variety. - Ah. I just thought it's been so
long since we saw each other, might be nice to reconnect,
catch up, you know? I miss you.
- Oh, Ian. I love you, I do. You do know that there's no
chance of a threesome, right? - So that bit in your book where you say you don't believe in sexual monogamy just intellectual monogamy,
that doesn't apply right here? - No, no it doesn't. But I appreciate you buying my book. - I actually didn't. I downloaded a sample chapter on Kindle. - Mm. - Limo is waiting. You ready?
- You ready? - Yeah.
- You ready to be pampered? - Yeah.
- Have your beauty day? - Yeah. - Okay, babe. I think we have appointments
until about three. You'll be okay until then? - Oh, for sure. If I'm ever under house arrest, this is where I wanna spend it. (lips smack) (playful instrumental music) - Come on, cutie.
- All righty. - [Gabrielle] Let's go, limo's waiting. (cheery instrumental music) (glasses clink) Spa day! Thank you. Ooh, fabulous.
- Woo! - Here you go, my dear.
- Thank you. - [Jennifer] This is so generous considering the fact that
you guys don't even know me. - [Gabrielle] Oh, cheers! - [Laura] Cheers. - [Jennifer] Cheers.
(glasses clink) - We haven't really talked about it. We probably should have, I guess. So how come you and Allan never hooked up? - Us?
- Mm-hmm. - Oh no, no, we've always
just been best friends. Same DNA, not each
other's type, I imagine. So how'd you two meet? - I was a waitress
taking acting classes and I'll never forget the day
Allan walked into my life. He ordered a petite filet
and a baked potato, butter and chives, no bacon because
he's Jewish, I guess. - I actually think it's 'cause he always felt bad for Wilbur, but. - Wilbur, who's Wilbur? - The pig in Charlotte's Web. - Oh, I don't think that's what it was. - Yeah, it kinda was. So you were his waitress and? - Uh uh, and he told me I had
a great look for television. - Uh huh.
- He asked me to audition for the show. I ended up booking the
part and it was a big hit and things just kinda took off from there. - Voila! (laughing) - He never told you any of this? - No, but we don't talk as much anymore. You know, geography. - Well, I thought he was cool. He made me a TV star and
things just sort of happened. You know, we're at the lake or drag up some good hooch in the camera truck and... He's really cool though. - And that's when you
decided to get married. (laughing) - Well, it sorta started out with me. I went to renew my H1 visa.
- Ah. - And it was a dare
and then we set a date, which my astrologist said
was a really good number and here we are. Are you hot? - Apparently not as hot as you. - I can't sit here anymore,
it's getting too much for me. But it's really good for your pores. (sighs) (water splashing) So what about you? I mean, you've been married forever. Did you make the right choice? You're still together after all. Any pointers? - You're asking the
wrong person for advice. If I think of anything, I'll let you know. - You're going the wrong way, right there. - I know, I know.
- Right there, right there. - Any chance you'll be
done slaying the orcs soon because love to get some shut-eye. It's been a very, very odd 24 hours. - Sorry, dude. I hope you don't mind we're
still using your laptop. I didn't bring mine. - [Liberty] Oh my God, we need a gun. Where is our jump or I swear to God, I'm gonna start feeding. I swear to God. Here we go, here we go. (water bubbles softly) (gentle instrumental music) Hey, you. - Hey, you. - So, how was the spa? - Wonderful. - So remind me, why are
you marrying her again? - Okay, did you not get along? - We get along just fine,
it was a lovely afternoon. You don't really wanna spend the rest of your life with her, do you? - I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but you weren't interested. - Wow, honesty. So not used to that. - Actually, I need to tell someone this so I'm glad you splashed
down into my orbit. - Is that like dialogue from
your show 'cause it's terrible. - Seriously. Gab's girlfriend, Amber, she, uh. She climbed into bed and
propositioned me earlier. - You did have a lot to
drink last night, Allan. It plays with your mind. - Uh, it wasn't my mind
she wanted to play with. No joke, it happened. Do I tell Gab or not? - Well, did the two of you do-- - No. No. I mean, even if I wasn't getting married I wouldn't mess around with Gab's GFF. (sighs) I don't know, I think I need to tell her. If she's fine with it, great, but if not then she needs to know, right? - Yeah. - He always did have a kind
of Edie Sedgwick fixation so-- - Don't. - What is it? - Gab and I were roommates for two years. I was closer to her than my own sister and now I barely recognize
that person in there. I just think that maybe if I hadn't left I could have helped her. - You more than anyone. I mean, you practically
lived in the hospital after she ODed on Quaaludes
and cough syrup senior year. - Don't forget the time I drove to Texas to get her away from that cult. I almost got shot, twice. - Point is, we all choose our own paths. Gab chose hers. There's only so much we can do. - You're so damn smart. I know her parents were totally nuts, but why throw everything away? She worked so hard for that scholarship. And what'd she do, threw it all away on bad boyfriends, bad choices. - I wish I could do something to help. - You always do. You always wanna fix things. But some things, Allan, are
unfixable, even with money. - Like you? - You're gonna mansplain to me now? - You see, mansplaining
isn't misogyny, Laura. It's just impatience with waiting for a woman to answer a question. We just want you to cut to the chase. - That's retarded. - Okay, see, we don't
use that word anymore, or didn't you get the memo? 'Cause we're adults now. Or that and Indian giver. - I'd never say Indian giver, it's racist. More importantly, have
you seen my husband? - Changing the subject. - No, asking a simple question. - To be honest, I don't even
care where your worse half is. - What about your fiance? Don't you care where Miss May is? - Didn't she come back
from the spa with you? - I don't know. Last time I saw her we were
getting out of the soap room. I haven't seen her since. - So where the hell are they? (romantic instrumental music) - When I paint a person, I don't only put on the canvas what I see with my eyes. I paint the person. Their deepest soul. Everything they are. - Hey, Frank. Where'd you drop off Jennifer? Saguaro, Room 341, boss. Want me to give you a ride? - So... Who are you? Jennifer Love? - I grew up in South
Africa as a little girl. And when I was eight we moved to-- - That's not, it's not
what I want to know. Who are you really? Not some biography an
overpaid publicist wrote you. Hasn't anybody asked you
this question before? I mean, even your name is fake. (suspenseful music) - Really, Allan? Does your Aston Martin
have an ejector seat? - No. But it would be a lot cooler if it did. - Fine. (door slams) Let's go find Pussy Galore. - Yes, Miss Moneypenny. (engine revving) - What do you want to be? (French accordion music) - An actress, a star. It's what I always wanted ever since I played little orphan
Annie in middle school. - No, what do you want to be? Tell me. - [Laura] I don't know why I care so much. I mean, he's an artist, he's impulsive. - Bullshit. - You just don't like him. - I never liked him. He wasn't good enough for you. - No one was good enough for
me in your eyes, except you. - Well, that's true. But he took you away. I mean, you moved to France. We never saw each other anymore. I can tell you things
I couldn't tell anyone. I can always be myself
with you, I miss that. I missed you. - So why are you marrying her? - Tell me. (stammers) I wanna be loved. I wanna be loved. - Good. Now we are getting somewhere. - Yeah. - She's fun. - And she's beautiful. - Well, that doesn't hurt either. - Remember when you were totally exhausted and studying for a test in school at 2AM? You'd run out to Store 24
and get a box of cookies and it'd make you feel better
and get you through the night? - Of course. - That's Jennifer. - Well. I did love those cookies. - Better. - Are you gonna paint me now? - Almost there. Now stand up. And take off your clothes. - I don't think I should, my agency told-- - No, I didn't tell you to think, did I? You do exactly what I
say or you go home now. Understand? (romantic music) - [Allan] Yeah, still don't get it. - [Laura] What don't you get? - [Allan] Him. - I guess it's his passion. Mostly he feels so
strongly about everything. About the world, about politics, about his art. - What about you? (door slams) - What do you think we're gonna find? - I don't know. (banging)
Ow, goddammit! Okay, I broke my toe, I
definitely broke my toe. (Laura sighs softly) Geez. Thanks. (door creaking) Nice work. - Laura, I'm so-- - No. - Allan! Stop, please don't go! This was a mistake. I love you. - Why? - That's what I thought. (suspenseful instrumental music) Fuck! (panting) - You can go back. Talk. It's not too late to work things out. - It's broken, beyond repair. And no amount of superglue
is ever gonna fix it. I know that now. - I'm sorry, didn't know
anyone else was in here. - Come in to my office. - God, how many rooms does
this house have anyway? - I haven't really seen you
this whole trip, Steve-o. How you been, kiddo? - I'm good. I know that's hard to believe. Sometimes I don't believe it myself. - Well, that's just peachy. I'm really happy to hear it. - Are you drunk? - Getting their mercifully. (Steve laughs) So what do you think of
the blushing bride to be? - She seems nice, very well put together. - So diplomatic. - How about I look you in your eyes and tell you how much I love you? How much I've always loved you? And that I want you to leave your husband and I want us to spend the
rest of our lives together. I've had a long time to think about this. - 20 minutes?
- 20 years actually. - Take it back. - I'm not being impulsive I really mean it.
- Stop it. I don't want you to put me
in this position, Allan, so. - No, listen. I can do this.
- You don't mean it. - No, I do mean it. Okay, you know, if this
was a movie I were writing this would be the part where you would fall into my arms and
tell me you love me too. And fade out. - Of course I love you, Allan. I love you. I'm just not in love with you. - Ouch. You know I do, I do love you. - Stop, Allan, please. Stop it, Allan!
- Listen to me. - Allan, for once in your life just shut your goddamn mouth! Stop!
(whimpers) - Really, I don't know
what he's doing with her. - Those in glass houses. - Oh yeah, my little one. Yeah, but she's sweet. - Sweet, huh? - Oh yeah, fun, and sometimes that's all that matters, right? - I wouldn't know much about that. I really haven't been much for fun. - Honey. So you're gay now. - As a three dollar bill. - You know, there was a time when I thought you and I were
gonna end up together. Who would have thought we'd both be answering an evite to Dorothy's party? - Sweetie, you ain't
carrying a silk purse. Not to tell you what
you are and you aren't, but I've known you for a very long time and whatever this is that
you're doing, it's not the same. (laughs) - Yeah, I'm so fucked up. - Not any more than the rest of us. - Like I said, so diplomatic. No, I was actually seeing
someone seriously for a while. Someone I liked, a lot. Yeah, just a kinda guy that makes you forget how inherently
fucked up the world is. The kinda person you might
actually have a future with. - So what happened? - You don't wanna know. - I wouldn't have asked
if I didn't wanna know. - Okay. We were dating for a few months and we actually first met in rehab, which should tell you something but wherever he went he just
had this energy about him that just lit up the
room, like a pure joy. So we were supposed to go to the movies one night and he didn't show and so I called and he didn't answer. This went on for a few days,
he stopped coming to meetings. He just disappeared like
Harry Lime in Vienna. My friends told me that he was an asshole, you know, just using me for sex, which I can understand. Well, actually, you wouldn't know. - For God's sakes, Gab, I was gay. - I'm just saying. My point is, he never
called and I was gutted. And I hadn't liked anyone like
that in a really long time. So, well, you know what
happened with my parents. So I just threw out everything
of his in the apartment. From his toothbrush to his socks. And I started leaving really
crappy messages on his machine, like stalker-y soliloquies. And, needless to say, I was upset. And then I checked Facebook and there was a message from John's Mom. John had died, John was dead. - Oh my God, overdose? - No. That I could understand. No, 38-years-old and he just collapsed sitting on a park bench
and I don't know if it was a heart attack or a brain aneurysm. The worst part is that we never got to say goodbye to each other. And I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with him. I started actually believing
all those stupid things I used to make fun of, and then bam. Dead, done, over, under, gone. - Oh, honey. (crying) - And we never really knew for sure. - Didn't your mother tell
you it's impolite to stare? So what do we do now? - 17 messages. At least before I lost cell coverage. (Laura sighs) (somber instrumental music) - So what now? (Allan sighs) - I switch to Verizon. You know what now. We go home. (Laura sighs) (laughing) Clearly this was not meant to be. (upbeat guitar music) ♪ Everything I ever wanted ♪ ♪ I had had like houses haunted ♪ ♪ With a hungry ghost ♪ ♪ There's a peace that I've forgotten ♪ ♪ Tasted sweet but now it's
rotten like a broken hope ♪ ♪ I feel the sting of the departed ♪ - Uh! Yes, look. (Allan chuckles) You good? Um. Oh, I sure hope they're not cooking meth. Okay. Just, uh. I'll knock. (knocking) (door creaking) - Namaste! - My father was so cold and distant. All he cared about was his work. On his deathbed, as he was
slipping away at the hospital. You know what he told me
with his last, dying breath? - I love you? - No. It's funny, but, God, no. Good luck. Good luck, what the fuck? He's my fucking dad, and he
could never tell me how he felt. Never cared how I felt. He could lecture all over the world about love and passion all day long. Art, literature, poetry,
but he could never feel it. Or express it himself. It's no wonder he drove my
mother to an early grave. It's kinda nice being around people who don't hold anything in for a change. - You, uh. You never told me that before. - I never told anyone that before. - Well, I'm sorry. And. - Yeah? - I love you. - Oh, darling, I wasn't
fishing for that, not at all. - I know, I know, I know. I mean it. I love you, Steven. - Speaking of crazy, Allan and Laura. (Stephen laughs) He's so got the hots for that chick. - Oh, trust me, I know. For 20 years it's been a
series of long, cold showers. - I haven't seen Allan in a while. Should we be worried? - So, my name is Allan. This is Laura. - This is Genesis and I am Zeus. - Well we all have to model
ourselves after someone I guess. - So. What are you guy doing out her anyway? - It's a long story, we didn't mean to be. But then the car didn't
start and things happened. - A lotta things. What about you guys? - We are on our way to Burning Man. - Of course. (Allan clears throat) - We have some extra tickets. You guys wanna go? - I don't really think
we're the Burning Man types. - You'd be surprised. - You guys have been amazing. Would it possible to
get a ride back to town? - You know, we just got out here. We were just gonna spend the night here doing some psychedelics,
looking at the stars, but happy to give you a ride anywhere you need to go in the morning. - I can pay you. - Oh, no, you don't
need to, happy to do it. - No, no, I mean, I could
pay you to take us now. - I just told you we're
leaving in the morning. - Yeah, I got that. I guess what I'm saying is
I could pay you some cash, a lot of cash to take us right now. - No can do, my friend. - Gaia has a plan for us. Maybe she has one for you guys too and you just don't know it yet. - Maybe she does. Then that happened. (Allan clears throat) (insects chirping) I'm sure everyone back at the
house is worried about us. - Do you even care? - No. But I'm worried about us. These two are nuts. - [Laura] I kinda like them. - You okay? - I'm hearing in colors. Feeling the energy of the Earth. Moving to the rhythm of
her breath. (exhales) Expressing her because
she longs to be expressed! Deep inside, devotion. It's a discipline of worship. - Uh huh. - Yeah. We're gonna go do some tantra where the sharper points intersect. You guys wanna come with us? - Not really, thank you. - I'm good. - We have some mushrooms. You guys should do some
mushrooms, you know? You know, it's kind of a long night. Look at the stars. - Sure. - Excuse me? - Yes. - It's been a long time, why not? - Okay, well, now I know you've lost it. - Great, wonderful, fabulous, fantastic. (video game beeps) - What? - I know right. Allan's got this 2600 hooked up to the flat screen and it's rad. Hey, speaking of Allan, have you seen our enigmatic host
Mr. Rourke recently? - No. You think it's gonna be like Clue now and there's gonna be a murder? I wouldn't put it passed him. You ever wonder about the choices you make in your life, Mitch? - Didn't we cover this already? You said you wanted to fly
jets and bake or something. - I make a good living and everything but I had so many plans, you know? Things I wanted to do,
places I wanted to go. Travel, write, go to
Europe, write a novel. Now I'm just creeping closer to 50 and I really haven't done any of it. All I'm doing is planting money into my 401K and squeezing
in weekends with my boy and arguing with my second exes
over pretty much everything. - Do you wanna save the world because that only happens in video games, dude. - You've got a great son
and you've got enough money. You don't have to worry about where your next meal is gonna come from. Stupid face plastered
all over bus benches all around New Jersey. What else do you need? You should be happy, I know I am. - I want more. Every year that passes it just feels like I'm never gonna get it. What makes you happy? - It's not rocket science. I love my family. I've got a great job. Even when I'm not working
I try and help people. I volunteer in the inner city
doing people's teeth for free. That's enough, for me at least. - You know who wanted me to be a lawyer? My mother. And now she's gonna and I'm stuck doing something I never wanted
to do in the first place. - It's never too late
to take risks, dumb ass. You know who doesn't take risks? Dead people. And you ain't dead, yet. - Oh, the hooker with
the heart of gold speaks. - Shut the fuck up, I'm not a hooker. I'm a dancer/entertainer, big difference. I'm working my way through college. I know, cliche. All I'm saying is that
you're acting like you can't change things. Why can't you? We all have dreams. You know when we start to
die, when we give up on them. Didn't you write the sequel
to Lord of the Rings? - Wise words, huh? - She's a regular yaddle. - What's this crap your playing? It looks like Sanskrit. - It's Adventure. Now we're gonna fight the dragons and find the golden chalice. - Is this some kinda Rorschach test 'cause I really don't see it. - This is only the greatest
game ever next to Spy Hunter. - Yeah, I was always
kinda partial to Zaxxon. - [Mitch] This is the
original Game of Thrones for the Atari 2600. - Do you wanna just go for a swim, Kevin? - I didn't bring a suit with me. - Neither did I. You got mustard on your shirt. - What's his name again? - Who? - The real reason you're going back. It's not for Jose. I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid. - Jacob. - How old is he now? - [Laura] Six. - [Allan] I'd love to meet him. - That'd be nice. I think he'd like you. Although there's no accounting for taste. (laughing) I love you. - I love you too. (Laura laughs) Thanks, Zeus. - Are you okay? - Not now, Jose. - Hi. Where's Jennifer, is she inside the house? - No. She got another room at The Ace. She left me her number. - You keep it. You know, just in case. Have a safe flight. - Will you be coming back to
Paris anytime soon, Laura? - I'm coming with you now. - Yes? - Yes. Goodbye, Allan. (lips smack) (lips smack) - Au revoir. - I think you should go inside the house. Your friends need to speak to you. - I'll tell you what, I don't
need any advice from you so I would recommend
that you get in my car, you go to the airport, you get as far away from me as possible before I knock your fucking teeth in, okay, asshole? - Can't even imagine what that was about. - No, you most definitely cannot. - Are you okay? - I think so. - Good. 'Cause we got a bit of a situation. (crying) - Oh no. - Who died? - My God, Allan, Allan, I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say. - Well, someone say something
because I am way confused. - Amber stole some cash
and some other shit from the house and took off.
- And my weed. Don't forget my weed. - I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I can't believe this happened. I don't know how this happened. It's all my fault, I'm
so sorry, I'm so sorry. - Was it anything that can't be replaced? - I don't know, you're gonna have to look around the house and see. - Well, that's what
insurance is for, right? Do you want us to report
her to the police? - If it's all the same to
you, I wish you wouldn't. - Whatever you want. (lips smack) Okay, who wants cake, huh? I heard it's delish and, well,
we might as well eat it now. - What do you mean? - The wedding's off. - (together) What? - Whoa. - Why, what'd you do, Allan? That poor girl.
(Allan chuckles) - Yeah, that poor girl. - Well, excuse me, if I can
have everyone's attention. - Everyone's attention? Kevin, there's like six people here. - This is serious,
please, I have the floor. - Sure, Kev, go ahead. The floor is yours. Or the counter. - Okay. - Okay, tell me this isn't happening. - Shh, Allan, come on. - This is the best I
could do on short notice. Julie, I don't know your last name. - Julie Wilson. Daughter of Regina Lambert
and Alexander Cruikshank. I changed my name obviously. - Julie Wilson, daughter of Regina Lambert and Alexander, whatever, will you do me the honor
of becoming my wife? - Yeah. - Okay, well, this is officially the most kuckoo for Coco Puffs day ever. - I'd say maybe it's more of
a Boo Berry day if you ask me. - Not to put a damper on
your impending nuptials, but don't you think that this is all just a tad bit premature? - The heart wants what
the heart wants, brother. - Congratulations. To you and the future ex-Mrs. Simpkins. (laughing) - I, cake, right? - [Allan] Who wants cake, huh? So anything you wanna tell me? You're not getting married
too this weekend, are you? It's legal now, you can do it if you want. I'll even officiate. - So arch, so witty. A regular Robert Benchley, not. (Allan chuckles) (Allan sighs) - You got some weird friends. - Tell me about it. - But at least they're always there when you need them the most, right? - I suppose they are. You're wrong, by the way. - About what? - Not friends, dude, family. - What the fuck, Kevin? - Hey, what gives? - Is this another crazy,
cockamamie attempt to make me jealous? - Uh, no. - Because if it is, you're fucking nuts. That poor girl should not have to suffer just so you can get back at me. - I love her! Really, I do. I knew the second I met her. - Oh my God! - Okay, maybe not the second,
but shortly thereafter. - Right.
- Look, the fact is you and I, we didn't belong together. It wasn't a good fit. We just drove each other fucking crazy! - Yeah, I fucking know
that, but I still wanted to be your friend and you
made that fucking impossible! - I'm sorry. Okay? I guess I just couldn't deal with the fact that you didn't want me anymore. - Kev. But I'll always care about you. (thrilling instrumental music) (lips smack) - Oh my God, I am. - This is awkward. - Just a little bit.
- I'm sorry. - No. I know, but, hey, thank you. My son is flying in tonight. I was hoping maybe you might
wanna stay another night and help give the bride away. - I'd be honored, sir. Now put on a fucking towel before someone gets the wrong idea about us. - What, that you're back
on the 100% cock diet? You're right. - Yeah, that, Kevin. - Shouldn't we be saving this
cake for Kevin's wedding? - Too late. Want some? - Sure, why not? Hm. Oh, man, that is really good cake. - You're a good guy, Allan, even though I know you hate to admit it. You'll meet your chocolate
cake one of these days. - And you? - I already did I think. - You do like your chocolate. - Shut it. (laughing) - [Mitch] Oh, looky what I found. - No, no, no, I burned that yearbook. Give it to me.
- Oh, nope, nope. - Come on, let me see. - Wait, what happened
to all the signatures? - Yeah, that was the day that
Laura left for Argentina. I spent the whole day chasing after for hers and missed all of yours. - Shocking, all about Laura. - She had the biggest boobs in the entire university.
- Oh my God. - No, no, oh my God.
- Perfect timing! - Move over, stop.
- Oh my God. - Wow, that was your 15
minutes in cheerleading squad. - Um, it was two weeks, thank you very much.
- Oh, excuse me, I'm sorry. Oh my God, look, Kevin,
shirtless as always. Did the guy ever--
- So cute. - Did the guy ever own
a shirt in his life? - He did, they would just
evaporate the minute they went on his body. - You married him. - I did marry him, don't
judge me for that please. - Oh, come on. Four years the guy tried to
get me to join his fraternity. I'm like not this guy, forget it. (sighs) These were good times, you guys. Thanks for coming this weekend. - Yeah, you bet.
- We love you. - Okay. Who wants more cake? (Allan laughs) - I'm good. (upbeat soul music) ♪ And you're love needs my love ♪ ♪ And my love needs your love ♪ ♪ And everybody needs love ♪ ♪ And your love needs my love ♪ ♪ And my love needs your love ♪ ♪ And everybody needs love ♪ ♪ And love needs love ♪ ♪ There is kindness in love ♪ ♪ Goodness is love ♪ ♪ As I confess to the Lord above ♪ ♪ That my love needs your love, hey ♪ ♪ And you are so, so wonderful ♪ ♪ As a bird in heaven ♪ ♪ And your sunshine smile
keep me on the cloud ♪ ♪ And I love you baby until I die, hey ♪ ♪ Oh no, take a second,
take us up above, baby ♪ ♪ My love will catch up no
matter where you're from ♪ ♪ And your love needs my love ♪ ♪ And my love needs your love ♪ ♪ And everybody needs love ♪ ♪ And your love needs my love ♪ ♪ And my love needs your love ♪ ♪ And everybody needs love ♪ ♪ Sexy love when you wanna ♪ ♪ A funky love if you wanna ♪ ♪ Ooh, ee, no, no, no ♪ ♪ Let's go, let's go ♪ ♪ Come on let's go, no, no, no, no ♪ ♪ And your love needs my love ♪ ♪ My love needs your love ♪ ♪ And everybody needs love, hey ♪ ♪ And your love need my love ♪ ♪ My love needs your love ♪ ♪ And everybody needs love ♪ ♪ Listen, we need sunshine
with love, in the morning ♪ ♪ In the day time and every day ♪ ♪ I can't see tomorrow
because the foggy haze ♪ ♪ You look through the window,
you can't see no where ♪ ♪ Ooh, no, no, it's a coco pot ♪ ♪ And my love needs your love ♪ ♪ Your love needs my love ♪ ♪ Everybody needs love ♪ ♪ Listen, because your love, my love ♪ ♪ My love ♪
