We Crash Esther's Vacation | Ep 15 | BloodBath w/ Annie & Esther & Khalyla

hi guys you can see me i'm back on the road having so much fun you can see me at the brea improv with josh potter opening for me on just one night uh the 27th of this very month and then you can see me again um august 27th and 29th at the hartford funny bone on september 30th to october 2nd you can see me at the house of comedy in dallas hi i'm esther i'm kalylah i'm annie and we're in palm springs and i don't know why well well here's what happened esther you said you were going on a family vacation wait a second you're not allowed to have any fun without us yeah are we not family [ __ ] i'm sorry i guess we have to crash this and show her how important we are to her annie and i called each other we said pack your little [ __ ] bags we're going to crash this love family love affair and i found my [ __ ] outfit her sailor taylor's outfit so here we are we're in some some version of a super eight annie chose tacky the colors are bright the nicest term i've ever been in i don't know what you guys are talking about so welcome to our last minute palm springs episode plus my parents are here so far it has been a hit or a bust i think it's a i think it's a hit thus far it's been about i've been here for 15 minutes nothing crazy has happened george did forget the big bananas so that is an issue that will need to be worked out within the next one do you not have any snacks for us um like i said it was hard work bringing the baby for the first time oh that's right i don't care about your baby [ __ ] okay your wife has to handle the baby you're just the guy okay i actually handled the baby for an hour in my arms here oh his baby here did you shake him a little you're so cute i couldn't do anything but just stare oh i love little things oh tommy my young man is here and he went over to tj maxx to get me a swimsuit got me two options your dog or your your husband my husband are you trying to get a joint wedding i was listening to you talk about todd on a previous episode and you're talking about who's dying first it's like well there's listen that's marriage babe is of death it is well all my boyfriends i think that with that one will die that well you think about why i usually date like fat disgusting drug addicted monsters so i literally watched them sleep thinking are they is this it is this the last breath what's it like um so far palm springs with um your baby esther so far it's been great this this is our first time to palm springs and it it's been amazing our expectations i enjoy the heat yeah and we go walking every morning esther's been very cordial and cordial does she walk you like does she hold you like this both of you her arms out i'm surprised that we have her uh newfound matureness oh it's fake mature what was it like before let's say let's say immature esther what would palm springs would have been like with immature esther i want to go home [Laughter] that's how bad she hates her house she likes palm springs no this is the first vacation we've taken together it's been years but i have to say that she has planned and coordinated everything she's like taken over so i'm where are you and we just showed up that's it so and what else was it like in the in the past we do all the work and the planning and the coordinating well you just lay there and now when you're doing things for esther is she going do more or is she like this is enough well she had a breakdown on target and she says you have to move here i'll do anything i don't care what it costs you have to move here she honestly does seem like she is searching for you guys and her friends it's just when my mom is there it's like she follows me around and like picks up after me right which is what you've been trying to like you've pretty much been auditioning friends yeah you know esther i am the exact same way i am a very actualized adult until my mom shows up and i am i've completely regressed into just being an absolute child call my hair ma i just don't want to do anything when she's around just because you know and in fact we drove this was her thing she wasn't supposed to come to palm springs i decided to drive late last night because i needed a car and i asked to borrow her car and she was like yeah only if i get to come as well you treat me to a breakfast she's like you can borrow the car she was just seat belted in it yeah treat me to a breakfast i get to have a margarita by the pool and she thought that that was the vacation but as soon as we walked through this door i was like mom can you do this can you do this and the whole night she just massaged my head she's like that's not what i [ __ ] signed up for you know oh that's nice so she's here she's here yeah she's wearing a margarita at the pool oh she's hitting on my boyfriend oh you know well dave and i had a margarita last night you split one yeah my mom has not had alcohol since i was born really and she dave she like but she had it while she was pregnant with you a lot of it but i why did you have a margarita last night just because dave wanted it well yeah he didn't want to drink alone oh i thought poor dave he's been drinking alone this whole time now do you love dave more than you love me well we all love dave everybody loves dave and we seek his approval everybody does love now how does dave act around your parents it seems very doting to them or or does he do that sort of dave thing that makes you want more he takes care of us yeah he's very nice but i like what you said about when your mother's here you revert back to when you were a child yeah yeah do me mommy do me yeah can it be helped though i just don't think like it can be helped well the mother likes it too you know yeah esther i do my laundry unless my mom's with me then everything is folded for me and i sit there and i beg her to do cook for everything mommy this mommy that dave and i have gotten to fights before because dave doesn't like when my mom does his laundry but every time she comes the first thing she does is start doing our laundry why does he not like it he just says it's weird that she's like touching his stuff his doo-doo pants bobby has no problem well mary is not happy unless she has a load in the washing machine well astr's not happy unless she has a load in her pants i'm not the type of person that just can sit still i have to keep moving all right if i see a mess i'm going to clean it dirty she has that but she doesn't actually do it and so she's just sitting there with it rolling in yeah i'm just sitting there like wanting it to be done but there's no way i can move your head is like spinning that like i gotta clean i gotta clean and you're just like that's why this is a vacation because i mean it was perfect because if we were at her house i probably would have organized it from top to bottom yeah well we'll be there tomorrow this way it gives me a chance i will say that first morning i did wake up and i went into her room and i just started folding and going through stuff and organizing and what did you think of the state of my house it's in bad shape a better shape now and this is not an act this is the way she is she can't stop i think it's uh she needs medication but what was your but what was your life like before mary were you a slob uh yeah yeah if there's a word under us or over us yeah yeah a little bit you were like one step up sloppy well i was a [ __ ] i hadn't been married till i was 44 years old oh what a dog were you dating a lot though not that much but i was 44 and my wife was 28 right and my lawyer said i should have adopted her [Laughter] it might have been cheaper oh my god the dad jokes have begun and that was just for me wait how did you feel after your first sip of alcohol in what is it 30 years over 30 years right yeah she wanted more well no i i i felt a little tipsy but i was like i stopped you know i we didn't finish the drink because afterwards we went for a walk and i had to hold on to him are you serious and i didn't want to wake up with a hangover it's hard to fold when you're drunk too you gotta have those folding hands ready and able what did you guys uh listen to on the way over here like what what's a general theme and vibe can i guess esther complain on road trips we don't i don't like if it's a so this road trip is only two hours and for me that's not enough to warrant like a playlist i that's only enough time for talking so i would need to be like cross-country to have like a playlist or a podcast but i in fact i was thinking because i need a new car you know in the next few years um and i was thinking that the kind of car i want i want it to be a car where the front seat and the back seat are close together so it's easy for everybody to hear each other when you're talking if you you know if everyone's in the car dependent it's called a crushed it yeah it's a weather because my dad in the back seat like or you know he was the front seat and he he can never hear but he's hard of hearing he needs hearing aids i know and are you resisting them my dad's in the same place you don't want to be an old man right you don't want it no no he doesn't want it because it costs money right but doesn't it doesn't insurance cover that no you get [ __ ] whenever you get to one with the horn that's the one thing that a kid doesn't pay for do you want a hearing aid i'll buy you a hearing aid one only once while you're ready give them a tv that has closed captions and bluetooth so we can wear a headset that's what my doctor does you have to listen to it every night he has it cranked up all the way to the highest volume and we fight every night but you guys have the extra bed like i feel like if it was me i would just want to sleep separate i threatened to but he doesn't want me to sleep in the other room i'm like are you ready for separate rooms yeah is this going is this happening i'm hoping he'll say yes who's gonna make my bed she'll come in you know she'll come in i know she'll be drinking her morning coffee or tea and making your bed margarita i know now she's drunk i'm actually this is actually an intervention we all got here together to tell you mary we're very worried about you two empty bedrooms so i can move into you know either one of them now that i stay in the basement i guess you can have my room and to esther the upgrade is the basement how do you guys feel about that she's fine i'm so glad she's in the basement now less trouble in the basement i like the basement have you have you slept in a basement lately um we didn't have basements where i'm from they just had dirt on the ground in the philippines in philippines yeah so attics and basements were really like american novelty for me so the first time i ever saw someone's addict i was like what are you do you only see it in the movies is that one that's why i went to bobby because he's an addict yeah so the first time i went into like a friend's attic in high school i was just so just like oh that's what i saw in them like it really is those are the those are like the nefarious floors it's the attic and one of my favorite movies growing up was the um christmas uh vacation national lampoons with chevy chase i remember that scene where he's up in the attic watching that old movie of his family and then i don't know if it's uh randy quaid oh yeah i don't know if it's him who pulls the thing down yeah but that whole scene was like stuck in my head i was like they have those little mini things in american homes and so it's really cool so no i don't know what it's like sleeping in a business attic i lived in the attic our daisy wasn't finished your room was in the attic yeah they like finished the attic was finished though so it was like you're you had the attic room they put the girl there two well my older brother timmy had one and then it was my dad's office but then i traded but then i was smoking cigarettes so i went i know so bad and then not anymore though look your dad's kind of into it though but mary you got a little competition we have a spark but esther how would you feel about became your mother [Laughter] oh my god yesterday my mom wakes up and they're talking about like their ages and my mom's like so in a couple years your dad will be 80 and i'll be 65 and then she goes single and ready to mingle my parents are nine years apart but you guys really you beat him out big time because it's 15. yeah that's a big that's a nice high five do you know what's crazy is on this show i mentioned a few weeks ago that my parents were married in a courthouse by a blind judge in chicago and i got a dm from a listener who was like hey you should reach out to the comedian matteo lane because his grandfather was a blind judge in chicago matteo lane from new york yeah and i reached out to him and his grandfather married my parents all because the listener of the show messaged me i found out ten dollars yeah i had to go grab the you gave him a five though verified it was ten dollars to get married but you slipped him a five because he was blind i want my money back is that how you guys got married in a courthouse dream come true absolute dream wedding is courthouse wedding why did you do that well i was married before and i didn't need another wedding and he didn't want to spend the money i didn't have anybody to invite because all my family was out of state and out of the country and he felt like if he had a wedding he had to invite all his aunts and uncles and his cousins my father had 13 brothers and sisters oh wow and uh my mother had nine so i always feel like the big weddings seem to be that's got to be so disappointing for people anyway it's like do you want a big wedding it's just so much money for nothing it's like for one at least a hundred thousand dollars like that gets you like a small not that big of like it's just it's so much money it's crazy and do you know there's a new show out it's like they they have couples on and they just each couple has to decide do they want i think they get 50 000 or something like that and they have to decide to either put it towards their wedding their dream wedding or a mortgage or a down payment yes and is there anything crazier than picking the wedding over a house you can have the wedding at the house but everyone picks the [ __ ] wedding what it's it's really weird well we know a couple that uh remember that that kid that i used to work with he he his wife's father asked him if they wanted a nice wedding or a house i mean not just a down payment a house yeah and the wedding was two hundred thousand dollars i don't remember him and uh they chose the wedding they did that's why you don't remember him forgettable how dare you make those decisions i if it was like i think it's a clear-cut choice unless the show was do you want fifty thousand dollars for a wedding fifty thousand dollars for a down payment house or fifty thousand dollars worth of crab legs fifty thousand dollars worth of sushi i feel like i it's a lifetime of wait it's not a lot oh you're [ __ ] yourself i'm sorry i shouldn't chris in front of parents you're bamboozling yourself yeah you're right because in front of them do you curse yes yeah are you kidding me i really get so confused when i see you in person i'm so used to [Laughter] i heard that this episode today is sponsored by bluechew it is bluechew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as viagra and cialis but in chewable form and at the fraction of the cost and they deliver to you so you can deliver it to us you know annie the big thing do you have to say it like that you guys stop blue shoes tablets help men achieve harder stronger erections to combat all forms of erectile dysfunction blue chew is an online prescription service so no visits to the doctor no awkward conversations and no waiting in line at the pharmacy and it ships right to your door in a discreet package the process is simple 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thinking that was appealing to me lately was if i could put on like a really like a romantic gesture musical number for dave a review he'd be so embarrassed by that oh my god there's nothing more embarrassing all your friends flash him as you're doing it no i would do a big musical review in front of him and all his friends family and be all about how much i love him that that appeals to me what and if you did just pictures of him throughout his life but no there's not a view it's just him that would be like his childhood bedroom why don't all three of you get married at the same time i know we're gonna try if we have kids we're gonna try to plan that together well let me just say that i tell you that you're gonna have a kid with us at the same time no i remember yeah that's that's a for sure we already that was a blood pack right i told i told bobby i was like look this is the deal i made a deal with those devils we're trying to get our tabulation all together wait let's talk wedding though because that would be fun if we you are you when we first started this show yeah you mentioned to us i'm half engaged we're unsure of where that stands for we can get a hold of that blind judge oh my god i would marry bobby for the clothes uh good choice the clothes sharing yes now what do you mean you're half engaged because you told us that this was kind of happening it seemed like right so he had asked in a very um nonchalant very unemotional way and i rejected that and um we sat down in therapy and i was like look i'm not normally somebody who like likes weddings or even cares about like ever being engaged i was like but the way he asked me made it just altogether worse for me like i wish he hadn't even asked at all i wish he had just gone we had just gone our whole lives together never even mentioning the thought of a wedding but the way he asked me made me feel like oh is this relationship over how did he ask you he said uh planned the weather wedding that's exactly how we said it hey he was like it wasn't even a question it was like he just commanded you yeah he was he i was packing his clothes for hawaii packing his suitcase and he was like hey babe plan a wedding i'm gonna go play war zone and then he went back to his video game and i was like you know what would have been awesome though if as he said that and you were packing his things like in the bottom of his thing like in socks it was like marry me and there was like a little something something any gesture would have been fine besides that gesture now this brings me to the next question is annie would you like would you marry todd and what would that who would propose to who who gave her this gene this is a very uncomfortable gene it's a very like incredible positive if you're uncomfortable it's from him but it's not easy we live no we live the same life uncomfortable as my dad knows he is my mom listen jokes at you is your dad mean ones about you is a combo i by the way that was really funny when i walked in and i said i'm so fat today and andy was like it's just your mom is in town you're not happy your mom's in town we've all been through it okay i feel the exact same way the honest sharp tongue of a mother esther you and i actually have a lot of things in common what um when i we're both beautiful well yes but my mom is very fit and youthful and in a lot better shape than me so when i'm standing next to her um my self-esteem collapses i'm like god um somehow yeah i just and she she always says things like don't worry you're just like me when you get pregnant you're just gonna snap back like that i'm like i don't think so i haven't had a baby and i haven't snapped back i know i'm waiting to snap once you really embraced the part of palm springs it's like a retired older person that wants to play golf just be comfortable just be comfortable yeah well my mom never says you're just like me because she told me that when i was in college and i gained weight she's like you gain more weight than i did when i was nine months pregnant with you but you were a two pound baby if that does help that's true but would how what would a proposal with todd even look like i mean i'm definitely not ready for that i think i would be like i i we don't talk like we're gonna break up at any point but i i'm definitely not like i make it clear that maybe but here's what i really like about russian to walk down the altar i'm not i'm not like yeah it's we've been together a year it's it's all been in covet i'm excited to get life back to normalcy but i you know i've never had a better boyfriend i love him i love todd yeah he bought you two so you oh my god he's so dead to me because of those actually can you pass those to me am i not gonna marry him here's what happened guys so annie we're at queue a party this is a party motel springs and annie said todd go get me some swimsuits i think that he did a great job look at this yes this i agree and a high waistline oh why would i bottom and then you threw it at his face and said you're single no you know what you don't like is that it's high cut bikini it's disgusting no you don't want not high cut yes i do i just want a string bikini a regular thing that he sees oh you want a string bikini i got a chance oh it's a tan so i'm going to have a line right here i wear my stomach out i actually don't think look it's a yubi okay that one is hideous it's like one grandmother did he get that for that one is weird that he got it well look guys are stupid guys are really stupid i also said do not get me a one piece they have no sense of fashion no dude one time you know our friend john campanelli he during the pandemic he was going to the grocery this is like before like i was going to grocery stores like right when it started and he was going to grocery store so i was like can you please just get me some garlic like i'm about to cook something i just need garlic and he comes over with two onions and i'm just like he's like oh i thought garlic and onions were the same oh no who raised them i thought it was just like guys are dumb like it's just got i feel like some guys just they they're like lacking those that's for sure what's an onion he could have it would have been smart if he had gotten something like a shallot something that's sort of in totally honestly you know what those swimsuits do feel like i asked for a garlic and i got an onion get me like what i always wear i don't know i just like do not get me a one piece but i think he got you one garlic one onion but you know what i will tell you something you i'd have learned in life you cannot tell people what you don't want because they just hear the word and then they get you you don't want so you always have to say the thing you want i should have said i want a string bikini when you ask here's the lesson when you ask a guy for garlic he's going to bring you onions yeah you have to go maybe but i just can't even believe he did that for you see she's auditioning mothers my dad never used to pay for bulbs in general onion garlic or shallots lights no light in the house bulbs nothing he just thought that bulbs were from the earth and that everything garlic and onion should be free they shouldn't be farmed and that we should he would shove garlic and onion in his pocket buy the rest of the groceries and never pay for the garlic oh he would just steal his steel bulbs and that was his thing that was his uh life motto don't pay for bulbs that sounds like someone i know i like his style yeah like if it comes from the dirt it's mine yes i mean farmers have to make it though i mean sure but you know his thing is it's like such a basic basis for all foods that we cook yeah you need it it's almost like you shouldn't pay for salt either kind of thing um so he had his own theories about maybe you shouldn't pay for food either if you farm yourself yeah but if there's labor there you should [ __ ] pay for it food should be free can the government give us now i'm a socialist but can the government give us food you know how bad the food would be that's so true it would be way worse than like lunchroom so many carbs we'd be all eating gluten let's just say that now mom speaking of lunchrooms you used to work in the lunchroom in my elementary school what was it like what was it like when i came into the lunchroom every day but wait were you working there to actually have the job or to keep an eye on your little munchkin uh part-time job just to get out of here yeah yeah and what was it like when i came in the lunchroom she couldn't see you you were under the thing she was always happy to see me come on that's so cute i know that's so cool to have your mom working yes but see you know some kids are really ashamed when they're paint when they see their parents in school that's one middle for me that was middle school middle school junior high yeah junior high i was embarrassed guys started hitting on her when no like when one day she came to pick me up from school on halloween she was wearing a witch's hat and that was like horrifying just be happy that it was on halloween imagine any other day that would be way worse that would be your parents annie yeah i know my own do you know what my parents did to me once oh my god they picked me up i was in hawaii um and i come back that was my dolphin training time i came back they were in the philadelphia airport wearing rasta wigs with the racist dreadlocks in the philadelphia airport i was the only white person on the plane they came out they're like yeah man i had like dolphins like um dolphin uh what do you call them balloons it was just such a spectacle it was so embarrassing i was like oh my god now mom you watch bloodbath every week yes i do i'm a huge fan i love it oh mary you're a slug you're an honorary slug i do i love it what do you think of it i think you girls are great you're entertaining i laugh we got chemistry yeah i can't talk while she's watching it she's just going into it really and it's tuesday right away sometimes it's time yeah tuesdays at nine a.m uh california time all right she's she loves him yeah and you're listening while cleaning no you're focused i'm totally focused yes i sit there the whole hour and eight minutes fourteen minutes so you're all caught up you know all our deepest darkest i'm so jealous of that clothes are laying all over the floor my dad's laying there he's his diaper chains legs up he's very flexible [Laughter] he's hungry i always say to todd i'm always like i cannot believe you left my mess out here this is ridiculous no i'm very happy for you girls thank you thank you we're so glad you're watching do you feel like we've come so far are you proud i mean every episode gets better and better esther and i did this i guess forever ago and she goes um she's like um oh you shave your happy trail do you care if i said that and i was like yeah you can't say what i should already say it's so funny wait happy trails are something to be embarrassed about this was like 2013. i thought it was something to grow out grow out of i always i've always had a hairy hairy stomach and i've never cared little pets to play with this is a net kalila grew up in the philippines yes we're gonna take a trip there what do you think about your daughter in the philippines are you worried esther i actually think the philippines is a match for you people are very sweet and doting and it's a place where someone any old person can feel like royalty in a princess hand and foot served hand and foot what's the food like um very basic do you like rice yes a lot of organic stuff like um grilled you know grilled vegetables rice soups lots of lots of fruits very clean stuff to eat is the fruit really fresh and tasty there the best the best unmatched palm trees i think you're surprised it's gonna surprise the [ __ ] out of you do you think you'll get married there i will get married aren't we all having a joint wedding now yeah we're getting married there oh my god we should sell tickets to it guys the tickets are ten thousand dollars great malls do you like malls yes what do you mean do i like mom the mall of asia is going to blow your mind it's the it's it's bigger than the mall of america it's bigger than that will you please do a show with me at mall of america are you crazy to i had the most fun she was just like i've never had more fun in my life you were killing us me and my mom are obsessed with did you see me get old-timey photos by myself when i was little they did too yeah we all definitely all three have to do it yeah i've never we're just i mean your dad might paint my parents had a house right across the river and from their sun room you could see the mall of america from the the parking garage yeah so anyways yeah it's right over the river i've never been happier i couldn't believe there's no attacks on clothes did you buy it no did you go on any rides i did i went on rides but you know i met people it was actually embarrassing i met these guys came up to me and they were like you should go on the rides with us and i was like oh you're coming to the show tonight and they're like what show [Laughter] some weirdos hitting on me so i run on the rides with them and then they came to the show for free and then we're rude to the wait staff we used to take her there when she was a toddler i mean all the way growing up and my grandchildren did you go on rides you didn't go on rides yeah no ride-person level rides okay is it still called camp snoopy or it's nickelodeon world it's nickelodeon okay so he used to be camp snoopy but the rides at mall america are the best because they're not that scary so you have this roller coaster that's really fun but it's so easy so that's like the only roller coaster that i can be successful on successful how about the log ride that water oh that's the only thing to be successful on a roller coaster is to not fall out and that is i when i'm on our scary roller coaster the one time i ever did it with my sister at six flags in chicagoland i thought to myself i'd rather jump off to my death than stay on this i hated it did you were you on your tiptoes to get on the ride to begin with a little worried dangling you know that's my top question i'm getting on the road now is how tall is esther i'm like it's it's on google yeah but it's is it is it google accurate i actually don't know because he says i'm trans so i don't know what else google says we have we were talking about this before there's a girl that we know whose uh birthday says that she's 10 years older than she is online oh that's right you know from sarah weinstein sarah weinshank's her she's like 32 or something and her wikipedia says she's like 43. and i that was a juicy hakka so i go guys if she's 43 i am go we're doomed there is no way i am going to find out what's on her face well esther your wikipedia says you two are married oh it does yes oh yeah didn't it say she's my partner who's the boy who wrote that wait it was the bottom yeah who's the bottom what we're both women there's no bottom there's always there's still a bag my family is here okay yeah you're right your mom would be watching this anyway who do you guys think like made her good and who made her bad no that's obvious [Laughter] well we used to call her rosemary's baby and she had a little bassinet that she slept with in our room and it looked like you know the one in the movie yeah so we tagged her uh rosemary's baby and now did was it hard getting it into the basement for her now or no i definitely think my wife is the good influence and i was the kind of devilish well isn't it true that that dad would wake me up when i was napping oh yeah he yeah just a whole nother house no i had so much fun with her you know well i'd wake her up and say come on let's play aunts and uncles would just drop in and if she was taking a nap he didn't care i'd say she's sleeping let her be oh no he'd go in just scoop her up bring her down oh my god show her off yeah i must be your dad too oh and then he let her sleep with us he wanted her to sleep in bed with us oh go sleep that was a big mistake because that child never went back into her crowd i honestly do think that that is explains a lot yeah i the nice very needy then she's very clingy yes she's a clinger yeah not anymore though she's a big girl now i know look dave says that i have adult attachment issues yeah you're anxious attached okay so you guys we all know that we should drink more water but by the time you feel thirsty it's too late where's tip if you're already dehydrated and you're just drinking water you're just diluting your electrolytes even more that's crazy which is why you need something like hydrant so hydrant is a refreshing drink mix powder made with four key electrolytes sodium potassium magnesium and zinc and it's made with real fruit juice powder and no artificial 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and depression over your swelling uh we'll check out my armpits guys this is proof i suffer from anxiety i suffer from depression i suffer from um you know family troubles the whole the list same girl who doesn't by the way there's no shame in that suffering because now you can get the help with better help better help will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist and connect you in a safe and private online environment it's so convenient and you can start communicating in under 48 hours from right now you can send a message to your counselor anytime this is actually my favorite feature is the journal feature because you get timely and thoughtful responses plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions dude you know what i love about better help is i have friends who freaking need therapy and all these years they say oh i can't afford it i can't afford it i go hey you're gonna try better help now okay honestly also there's financial aid financial aid is available and anything you share is confidential it's convenient it's professional it's affordable check out the testimonials posted daily on their site it's not a crisis line it's therapy we want you to start living a happier life today as a listener you'll get 10 off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com bloodbath join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health again that's betterhelphelp.com bloodbath and then so then i would sleep on the floor she was in our room and then she slept with leah for a couple years and then my sister kicked me out because she said i had dead skin cells and then we tried her back in her bed where i would you know lie down with her and wait for her to fall asleep and tip your toe out mom where are you going nowhere then we put the sleeping bag on the floor in our room and she must have slept there until junior whatever whatever you do don't mention how he locked her in the room with the gate we know the game one night you think i don't think about her like this all the time i just imagine i don't know this story we tried tough love one night and we've never heard the end of this one tell them what to tell them what happened so we put the gate up and mind you by her bedroom door there's a flight of stairs okay so it was for her safety okay her safety so if she got up in the middle of the night she didn't tumble down the stairs yeah and saw the keeper in her room and so she just cried and cried and cried it was like one two o'clock i mean we were like going out of her mind she thought she's on death row when is this child gonna give it up and she's still crying it's so weird and then finally she got quiet and then we went in to see and she was sleeping on the floor next to the gate i thought i was hanging on to the gate this is junior high how old was i was this pre or post jacob the dog but the gate that they [ __ ] locked me behind they still use it so every time i go home i have to see this gate that tormented me and they use it to they have it up against the stairs the dogs can't go got to side with their parents on this one this is crazy she's like they have my trigger and gate and also it is just a baby gate and a dog gate that's what they're for when we want her to leave we bring out the gauge she runs she runs the therapy you know i recently heard that there's this celebrity that i won't name that they have it like a beautiful guest house and that they keep the guest house so the cold only has cold water so that guests won't stay too long why what oh is this not a public story no it's not a public store that they're like well how are they they can't shower no it's they just say like oh our cold our water hot water is broken in the guest house they've got to be canadian this is a very passive aggressive thing they made a mistake because there are people who didn't grow up with hot water just like myself who would if it's a nice enough guest house that's a small cold water is a small price tag this is a celebrity home it's like why not oh yeah if all the amenities just cold water and then you seem like the cool guest you're like oh i don't care when really they're like knuckles in my nose yeah like no it's really cool i'm fine i would never let anyone know if i was upset about that could you really take cold showers yeah it's good for you they're good for you you're like the whole hot thing it's good for your hair and yeah don't you dare at the very end yeah i said the very uh how do i know that about your life i do the exact same thing mary yeah um so it's ten minutes of hot the last two minutes is as cold as i as it goes well she's finished so they do that in finland we'll take the sound and then back and forth yeah did you ever think he was divorcing you when he said you're finished i was like oh my god they're doing it right now um should we take a banana break yeah with no oh [ __ ] we'll watch you eat i would like all of us to watch you eat an apple i should just pantomime a banana break wait are you guys going to be okay without a snack yes i have a big snack yeah george this is a great banana well that was fun thank you oh it's great seeing you annie i know i love you guys i love your little pleasure meeting you nice to meet you i love your weird little monster you made i know where all the tables it's a banana break and only esther has an apple what are your overall um thoughts and feelings about palm springs so far i know this was a very um one last minute thing for us annie are you guys sharing a room yes okay now what are i'm jealous about and this is the options i gave annie i said do you want to stay in the fancy or a bougie place or or do we want to go tacky she's like do you even know who you're typing obviously tacky and look this is a super eighth basically i love this place um i really like palm springs because i like the mid-century architecture it reminds me my hometown um i like that it gets so so so hot that you can't help but get in the pool this is how we teach her to swim i saw you in a pair of goggles yesterday and let me tell you never been more excited in my life i was like is this truly happening and i wrote dave back because he posted that picture of you and goggles she's actually i believe in her what's happening give me a play-by-play and he said nothing you're still gonna have to teach her how to put no she put the goggles on for when she when you teach her to keegal oh my god no the you know what is so fascinating to me is being able to look at water to being able to open your eyes underwater with goggles on that is like a high i'm gonna teach you what did you do today girl i'm gonna teach you the way i taught my my kids to swim not my children but when i used to do a learn to swim program get their favorite toy drop it at the bottom and tell them to retrieve it and they they really want their toy back so they eventually learn how to hold their breath so to throw sushi at the bottom basically are you guys going to swim while you're here um i have to drive back home tonight this is a very quick turnaround trip for me but annie has two swimsuits i've got two [ __ ] switches to choose from some now kyla what do you think of palm springs i love palm springs i come here often um because i just love the desert there's something that i i don't know i think it's a magical place it's weird it's like you have i don't know people from all different also palm springs is very very gay the essence of palm springs is super um gay and i love gay people yeah it just brings me so much joy when i look out this window here i'm like oh my god this is such like a that's todd dude my god kissing a guy todd's totally hanging out with my mom we drove past liberace's house yesterday it was so cool did you feel i don't really know anything about liberace but his house seemed cool yeah i get him confused with the guy who got bit by the tiger oh uh siegfried wait hang on liberace did matt damon play him yeah no didn't he play his lover oh his lover his lover who was liberace oh it was um what's his name married to catherine zeta uh uh michael douglas michael douglas he blamed his throat cancer on eating out uh catherine zader jones did he really you know what i'll tell you why um i believe that what because a very close family a member member of mine which will remain unnamed who will remain unnamed um had to have his throat to figure it same thing because hpv helped up with uh catherine well another person with hpv and got the thrilled hpv and so um i do believe that narrative well guys we thought you were making it up and look at us now well it only makes sense it's only sort of like hpv only really manifests itself in women right down there so it only makes sense that the men can yeah wait did he really publicly say that yeah no he didn't he did mom look at your mom your mom's nodding okay here here's what i need your thoughts on i want to know what your thoughts on i don't know today this has been a long episode it's not really weirdest yesterday's parents i'm kind of thrown off the benefit reunion what the benefit reunion thrilled j.lo and ben affleck literally bringing me my youth back bringing me back to the best time of my life and there were gili billboards plastered across the country only person that julie was a good part of their life i bought a replica of the pink diamond ring that he gave her i ordered it from a catalog it was my favorite ring i used jlo had did a a clothing line collaboration back in the day i used to have jlo jeans like this is just reminding me of the good days what about you guys i feel the exact same way i'm so excited yeah what they've done for all of us is like amazing we already know that it's probably not like this emotional love affair they're having it's just really good sex you know it's just really good sex you know it was she couldn't forget that bomb has sick he couldn't forget oh my god do we have to do this way [ __ ] it's true that's the feeling i get because it's totally a rebound number one i think it's a nostalgia thing i think it's just as what it is for us as it is for them it's like let's remind ourselves of the good old days you know i always say when i drive past my high school ex-boyfriend's house it's not because of him it's because of the memories of that age so but they're doing it esther how do you know they're not just sitting in a diner reminiscing about their once love affair that was plastered all over mtv they're doing it and i mean helicopter style how do you know that it's just i feel it i look at their pictures together in montana and i can just feel it in my chest i just know it inherently that that's what's happening um i honestly i posted a meme that somebody made about it but how like she's been back with him for like two minutes and he's already hotter again like he was so disgusting yeah i was like batman really and i'm like you should make him batman and [ __ ] rob and make him all of them he should be every single character i wonder because you know how i wonder if this this stuff is true like how there really are pr relationships like it's a publicity stunt is there any world oh we are one now did you think that tom what's his name and taylor swift tom hiddleston mm-hmm do you think that was a pr stunt who's tom hiddleston he plays the guy in thor the other guy what's this oh yeah yeah yeah loki i don't think it was a pr stunt i just wonder if this one is because he just had really bad publicity because somebody released somebody leaked videos of him dm yeah being like hey it really is me which is so embarrassing like he's dm'ing girls on instagram saying like look it's me ben affleck it's like that's lame as lame as that is i didn't feel like it was as bad as everyone else why yes because i think because the girl the girl even said she said i unmatched with him because i didn't think it was him and then he was like it's me and it's like so you got your confirmation and now it's like you made a choice well i guess i don't like ben affleck enough to go on a date with him instead i'll just blast him what's a 90s or 2000s couple that you would love to see reunite really it's hard to beat ben affleck and jennifer i mean brad pitt and janet when those were going around that was exciting can i give you one that's a dream of mine yeah and i know she's married to james brolin but if barbara's try sand and andre agassi got back together do you remember that relationship i was really into tennis so do you guys know who andre agassi is yes but do you know that he was with barbra streisand do you know who needs to get back together ryan gosling and when she was 75 years older than him she was he was pushing her around i was like this is the hottest and now i get it that one was because my it reminded me yesterday my mom and i drove out here at midnight and we listened to the whole yentl soundtrack because that's our favorite thing we listened to it twice over oh my god my mom i wanted to address something very important george you partly to blame for this so on bad friends my lover my partner andrew my future baby's father um has slandered me george and you're aware of this aren't you i just saw it yeah it's bad it's bad it's bad he's telling people that i hit him bobbius yeah she's being called a domestic abuser in the comments we were watching a ufc fight right we were watching a ufc fight where there were two women fighting one was the world champion who happened to be chinese world champion and another one from she's from colorado um and i happen to be rooting for the chinese girl because she's the world champion and i love her anyways the chinese girl gets knocked out and it was a brutal knockout bobby starts gloating and celebrating i feel bad because the girl that i was rooting for not for any other reason but the fact that i love this girl gets brutally ko'd and i'm crying i'm like oh my god poor whaley poor whaley and he's gloating and so i do one of these to him and i was like [ __ ] and do this i was like shut the [ __ ] like that and now he's telling everybody that i like i i backhanded him and across the face and he's slandering me what should i do hit him everyone's racist and a domestic abuser why are you racist because there it's like white people going like oh you only root for the asian she just wasn't a random asian girl she's a world champion you're allowed to root and also you can root for the asian yeah i i can okay yes i is that bad well then she's also just a [ __ ] badass like she's amazing but um i i don't know if i should call him to clarify yeah because he needs help well you know what the fans want my mom just said yeah okay um so i have a question since i've been getting a lot of very hateful emails about being um number one a racist and number one a domestic abuser why on earth would you go on your podcast and tell people that i hit you because i don't know why i'm a liar why would you say something that like that's a big accusation do you realize that i know but you you you touched my face a little bit though i might have after like in a sweet way no you were gonna go full force but then you held back i think no i did one of those i did one of these i didn't you know but it was just to scare you it's just what we do in the streets you were scared for my life and so you retaliated by telling people i was uh that i abused you physically during stop asian hate to say that your girlfriend hit an asian i know you're coming after me i'm asian too okay i know i'm like white passing but i'm still asian i mean i'll apologize to you on the podcast wait hang on one second what why are they calling me a racist i don't know why you're not a racist but why what did you say do you remember i don't know the voice going on george george is raising his hand why are they calling me racist george cause bobby said he wasn't allowed to cheer for the white girl [Music] okay i love you bye bye bobby bye babe why is he there he's a shooting are you okay without him um i'm not we both like cried a lot really yeah we've never been apart this long we're just i don't know what the schedule hangs might you go um the eu is not open for tourists yet oh yeah you go i'm sorry young [ __ ] did you have a query i wanted to ask you guys we were talking about 90s and 2000s relationships gun to your head if you had to get back with one x who would it be big big gun to your head i take the bullet i think yeah i'd just say next life let's go out together yeah i know your exes i wouldn't allow it it would be a murder-suicide baby yeah i can't oh god have you ever backpedaled though like have you ever broken up and then you know hooked up with an ex before and then oh well i've never dumped anyone i've always been dumped really yeah i've never broken up with anyone so i would never have the choice even if you're miserable have you ever been miserable but just never like broke it off anyways you just stick it out i'm if someone is near me i'm not that miserable it's fine it will be fine um esther calls her friends space heaters yeah i've revisited x's i used to have like i had like one guy that would like i would say he would like [ __ ] start me again like i'd go through a breakup and then i'd go back to him or whatever then i got over that and then um and he may be in this room just kidding oh my god make me sick but yeah it's always a not a you never need to go back i i i think once you once you're out of your 20s you can't go back to so you're saying that benefit has no [ __ ] no chance i think that they maybe that they were like there was pressures from society or something or different places in their career i mean if you're both rich it's like you know what the best part about them being back together is that there is a song that jlo wrote called i'm glad i'm glad when i make it love to you it's such a good song i spun to that on peloton yesterday so she hasn't sung it live since they broke up because she wrote about him so it's like you know too juicy or whatever and she just recently did a performance of it which is like a huge deal but it makes sense for them right because he also has like struggled with addiction and stuff and maybe he's in a better place and she just got [ __ ] over so bad that maybe she's like what happened with her i think he cheated on her i think hey with well allegedly with that um reality star right oh i don't know yeah or i don't know who he was philandering with but there was rumor that that might have been the cause of it it definitely is a really good example of that saying where people say one plus one equals three like them together is more than them separate like it's just such a they've just they've one-upped the world i feel like do you think p did it is like god damn it that could have been me [Laughter] he really fell off but he if someone posted something i saw where it was like him um coming into his like giant living room or whatever and he had like all these balloons and he's like every friday i just buy myself a bunch of balloons and i was like i love this p today that's like such a good message yeah it was good right yeah it was a tick tock yeah yeah do you remember when he used to have the all-white parties in san tropez yeah that was in the 2000s and we'd be reading it in our magazines like one day i think they still have them they'll white parties yeah oh i just thought i think i think maybe it's just not as big a deal it's like easier to get into like i think someone went to one yeah it's like going to a ja rule party yeah i could never go because i could never wear all white because you're going to play it all over it because look at annie today she's on the way head to toe this is my one time wearing this again wait why not i'll wait for you esther i just don't have that kind of confidence well what's with all i don't get it white's so flattering what else never getting married she's like i just look bad and white white is the opposite of flattering it makes you look bigger okay what color is your wedding dress gonna be black she's gonna have a wedding dress painted on it that makes her look skinnier yes let's just throw you an indian wedding you don't have to wear a white dress in fact it's like forbidden you have to wear a bright like red or a bright color that will henna you up you actually would look cute and indian stuff okay but you know like the lengas the um the crop top and the skirt is really flattering really oh it yes i like that look the high-waisted high-waisted skirt and then you have the thing over it too kim kardashian kind of brought that back i feel like interesting i had a lot of a trouble oh remember when it skims gonna be called kimono yeah oh was it yeah yeah it was and everyone freaked out thank god because how shitty would come out that's one relationship i wouldn't be opposed to just go back to her roots and start dating ray j again what that's all right well that's been uh me in a hotel room with my friends talking about sex in front of my parents beautiful thank you in beautiful palm springs um thanks for crashing my family vacay i needed the break we're not that sorry i um the only thing i've ever held back was my own heroine and vomiting [Laughter] thanks for letting us crash her party one more thing are we doing drugs tonight you and i what what drugs either this is their one shot at freedom you and i we're finally sharing a hotel room i mean you didn't tell me to bring drugs i don't have any drugs you're right and i don't do drugs either i'm a square drum i really am i've never done any this it was your it was look this could have been your wheel of fortune moment i've never done any drugs but alcohol and weed um and what would i bring you like i would make you do mushrooms yeah mushrooms would have been why don't we save it for the next time we come to palm springs we'll leave my parents at home we'll rent a little house together we'll do mushrooms no i'll watch you do mushrooms and you'll also then the next day you'll teach me how to swim yes yeah let's do that soon okay well thank you guys for listening um i my clothing line is finally gonna have a new drop sleepover by esther.com there should be merch up there now check it out maybe i'll get his uh outfit or two you will at this point i might just get it and just never post it i just wear it in private so that's it yeah thanks guys see you guys next week [Music] you

Channel: Trash Tuesday

Views: 174,052

Rating: 4.9018025 out of 5

Keywords: khalyla kuhn, annie lederman, esther povitsky, podcast, tigerbelly, khalyla podcast, meanspiration, esther club, stand up, comedy, big mood, morning toast, khalyla, stand up comedy, whitney cummings, comedy store, bobby lee, interview, special, blood bath, good for you, trash tuesday, Jlo, Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck, Palm Springs, Vacation, Marriage or Mortgage, Bennifer, Matteo Lane

Id: VQmJqozvi-8

Length: 64min 46sec (3886 seconds)

Published: Tue May 25 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/reversechinlock]

Best one so far. Need more parents on the pod!

[u/startuptimfan]

I love every episode that isn't in their too bright studio with their too close camera angles and no wide shot.