Want To Be Happy? Focus On THIS!

I was in a conversation a little while ago on another interview show and there was a debate between me and this other person about whether money makes you fulfilled or whether you can be fulfilled without money and my position was that absolutely you can become fulfilled without having money and that money is not the key to fulfillment this other person's contention was if you don't have money you can't be happy and I want you to know that I just don't believe that that's true I know plenty of people who have money who are not happy and are not fulfilled having said that I've been happy when I was poor and I've been happy happy rich is far better I can promise you that but it is not the gateway to happiness I'll give you an example show me a father or a mother with a $100 million in the bank but no purpose no calling no contribution in their life they've got a child at home that's God forbid dying of leukemia do you think that that's a happy and fulfilled person just because they have money you have another parent they have no money they make $60 $70,000 a year but but they're a school teacher let's say or a nurse and they're fulfilling their purpose they're making a difference in the world they're making a contribution and they have healthy children who do you think is more happy and fulfilled and so clearly there are elements of our life that are far more important to creating happiness and fulfillment than just money and so now having said that people say all the time material things won't make you happy I can't disagree with that more in fact we have all the evidence in the world of knowing that I'm living here ocean FR now living by this ocean makes me happy right ladies if you've ever bought an outfit or a pair of shoes or a car or any material thing you've wanted in your life you're happy when you buy them guys you ever got that suit you want or that shirt or whatever it might be material wise or that watch you wanted of course it made you happy the question is not whether it makes you happy the question is whether it fulfills you see you need to begin to make a distinction in your life between happiness and fulfillment happiness is fleeting it's short term I'm not happy every day I live here Ocean Front I've had many unhappy Days In This Magnificent Place happiness is conditional happiness is fleeting it comes and goes and by the way you want it to if you are happy every single second of your life the Bliss of it wouldn't affect you like it does we want the es and flows of Life the Downs in our life make the highs so much sweeter I can promise you that you didn't you don't want to be happy every single second what you do want to seek though is fulfillment material things living ocean front having Jets having Ferraris or rolls-royces they can make you happy short term but they will not fulfill you and so what we're going to talk about today is both getting happiness and fulfillment let me be very clear with you if your desire is to become wealthy is to become rich is to have all the material things in life cuz it was one of mine I can tell you I wanted to live here ocean front I wanted to have a Lakefront home I wanted to take care of my parents I wanted to fly private then I wanted my own jet I've had a Rolls-Royce and I've had a Toyota and I can tell you up front I'd rather drive the Rolls-Royce so that doesn't make you shallow that means that you have gold and you like the Finer Things in life and for many of you listening to this that's something you're going to chase and I want you to have those things for some of you those things don't matter to you at all you just want to make a difference you want to make a contribution and I can tell you the material things in your life don't matter and that's perfectly fine but for those of you that want to chase the material things I want you to have them but by no means am I going to let you think because I've been there that somehow that's going to fulfill you because guess what you have to bring you with with you everywhere you go the rest of your life you have to bring you on your jet you have to bring you to your ocean front house and if you don't love you if you don't like you if you don't believe in you if you're not experiencing the right emotions about you you bring all those emotions with you to these places you go so I think learning the strategies of being happy and fulfilled prior to having all these material things will serve you because I have so many friends and I know so many people that have accomplished all the material things in their life and the those things made them happy short term but they're living in an unfulfilled destination here on Earth so let's talk about that for a minute the caliber of your life is literally linked to the caliber of emotions you experience on a regular basis so take an inventory of that for a second over the last day week month and year what are the majority of the emotions you experience are you enjoying the emotions do you experience the emotions of Joy fulfillment peace contribution ecstasy passion certainty faith strength or are you experiencing more regularly the emotions of fear anxiety depression stress pain take an inventory of those emotions and I can promise you if you have more of passion more of strength more of Joy more of contribution more of Peace compared to having anxiety and pain and stress the caliber of your life is higher with the people that have those emotions and so it's being conscious that our emotions dictate the caliber of our life it's then being conscious of what emotions are we experiencing most regularly and then next what emotions do we want to experience what are the emotions you wish you were experiencing on a regular basis and take an inventory of what those are make a list of what those emotions are and begin to seek them begin to pursue them begin to be intentional about finding them and you'll begin to see them more and experience them more just by taking control of the intention of having them that's the first step is taking in an inventory being aware that my emotions dictate the caliber of my life the emotions I want are these three these five these seven on a regular basis and be intentional about pursuing them you know Emerson has this great quote where he says we are what we think about all day long I would amend that to we are what we experience emotionally all day long now often times what we think about dictate what our emotions are and so I can tell you that I believe the pathway to fulfillment not just happiness because the ultimate destination in life is fulfillment we're we're all chasing that we're all pursuing fulfillment that's the ultimate emotion is fulfillment in my opinion at least the one I want is fulfillment because it embodies all of the powerful emotions and so how do we become more fulfilled I can tell you that I believe the pathway to fulfillment is by contributing to other people being in service to other people chasing your passion and your purpose in the service of other people leads to fulfillment let me tell you the pathway I think to contributing to other people and truly fulfilling your purpose because if you can match being happy with all the shortterm things you want to achieve in your life achievement can be a destination achievement can be a level achievement can be a promotion it could be a certain amount of money it could be an accomplishment it could be a home it could be whatever it is achievements make us happy contribution matched with achievement is fulfillment and so I want you to take an inventory the most fulfilled people I know use the gifts they were given in their life towards the service and contributing to other people I want you to hear me people say I just don't know what my passion is I don't know what my purpose is you're your purpose is often found through identifying what your giftedness is and then how you can use those gifts to serve other people and so it's hard for most people to give themselves any credit but let me tell you something you were born with natural gifts that were given to you that are special to you you see the gifts of other people see certain gifts put you on TV good looks unbelievable athletic ability right a great singing voice these are the gifts that can put you on television so most of us think those are the most important gifts in life are only the ones we see on television see and then we think because we might not possess those specific gifts we are not gifted let me say to you very explicitly you were born and I know this with unique special gifts that are just yours you were born for a reason you were born to make a difference when you were a little boy or a little girl there was a time in your life where there was somebody who believed in you they looked at you like you were special they knew you were unique maybe it was a parent or a grandparent or a school teacher or a coach or an auntie or an uncle but they looked at you a certain way and you just knew they knew you were special they saw what I call the Christ in you they saw the gifts in you and maybe as you got a little bit older you forgotten what that feels like but I can tell you it was the greatest feeling in the world is in fact if you pictured that person's face right now that made you feel that way you begin to almost get emotional because they made you see the gift in you they may not have known what the gift was but they made you feel special your uniqueness your specialness is these gifts you were given and by the way be very aware of what they are your gifts could be your nurturing ability your kindness your intensity your passion your voice your looks your art skills your ability to problem solve your listening skills your speaking skills your peace your faith your concern your intensity your physical strength right your ability to write your ability to think your ability to care your ability to be there for people your work ethic there are literally thousands of gifts and I promise you if you begin to ask yourself some deep questions you begin to understand your desire to help people your intentions your sense of humor your patience level you have all kinds of gifts that you were given but there are two or three or four that are yours and if you'll identify what those two or three or four gifts are and you begin to use those gifts in the service of other people you will be ultimately fulfilled in my case you know I I feel like I my gift is that I I was born with the ability articulate I was born with the ability to learn I was born with the ability to just deeply care and believe in people God was good enough to give me the ability to kind of communicate those words in a way that's easy to understand and so I've taken some of the gifts my couple my two or three I don't have 50 I'm not better than you but I've sort of identified some of the gifts I have is I love people I care about people I'm pretty good at speaking right I I I want to make a difference I intend to serve and so I've taken the those skills and I've used them to serve other people in my life and it fulfills me it's not work to me it makes me fulfilled my house may make me happy shortterm my jet might but I can tell you what fulfills me is making a difference in the lives of other people and it's what will fulfill you as well it's dropping this notion as I've said in other audios you are not your possessions you are not your accomplishments you are not what other people say you are good bad or indifferent you are not those things and you are not what you look like you are are your gifts you are these two or three or four things this is the basis of who you are are these gifts this is the true you and when you begin to do this when you begin to utilize those gifts and service of other people you become inspirational yes you you inspire people see the root of the word inspire is to be in spirit when you are in spirit and serving people with the gifts you were given Mike who's filming this right now one of his great gifts is his patience is his Artful Eye is his ability to see the right setting like we did today when we're shooting here it's his concern to make me look good it's the pride he takes in his work these are some of his natural gifts and now he's found them and we've partnered together his gift and my gift and the gift of my team to serve you this will begin to fulfill you in your life all of you have those gifts and so when you begin to identify what they are in the service of other people you will begin to change your life that is who you truly are that is when you begin to experience those emotions that serve you that begin to transform your life if you want to be happier and if you want to be more fulfilled Go Achieve go accomplish go chase those things but do things every day that feed these emotions that you want not the ones you don't want root out the emotions you don't want pursue and Chase the ones you do and begin to use those gifts to serve other people and fulfill your purpose in being here in the world I'm going to give you 10 things that I want you to be more of I want you to embody more of in your life I I want you to take an inventory of a man or woman if you could be more of these 10 things they will deliver to you more of these emotions number one I want you to be unique I want you to be special see I believe the opposite of Bravery is to conform Conformity is the opposite of Bravery you don't need to be like anybody else stop trying to be a part of the group be unique be special be you celebrate the uniqueness that is you yeah you may take some criticism you've probably taken it in the past every time you've tried to be yourself you've taken a little criticism but I can promise you one of the gateways to more of these positive emotions is to be unique be special be you number two Be Love Yes be love I know that may sound corny especially to some of you guys that are listening to this but just be more loving I think you'll find the more love you put out into the world and I don't mean this in some fluffy way I'm serious the more you love people the more you smile the more you truly love in life the more you get it back in your life number three three be truth just honor your truth more often and even in the difficult times be honest and truthful with people number four be kind one of the rarest things in the world today is just a kind person just taking the time to be more kind to people we need more kindness in the world the more kind you are to other people the more those emotions come flooding your way number five be beautiful and I mean it be beautiful begin to celebrate your beauty I know for some of us that's difficult because we're aware of all the things about us that aren't beautiful the more you just be beautiful I can tell you the more you begin to accept you the way you are that you're perfect as you are it doesn't mean we don't want to look better doesn't mean I want to improve our condition be healthier be stronger look better but the bottom line is if we can't begin to love how we look now we're not going to love how we look at any point we're never going to love it just be more beautiful now number six be moving you must always be moving your body see the great emotions come from us when we're moving our body see emotions are physical as well they're physical thing when you know how you feel when you're working out or you're in that special moment with that special someone and privacy you're moving your body at that time aren't you right laughter is a movement right see emotions are movements it's a state of being the more you're breathing deeper the more you're moving your body moving your body creates positive emotions stagnation laying down hunched over all these emotions sitting at your desk too long every single day laying in bed laying on the couch not moving driving in the car is when all the negative emotions hit you'll find that when you're moving running moving your body exercising just getting in a peak State being conscious of your posture and your physiology and moving yourself you'll find it's almost impossible to experience the negative emotions when you're moving and the positive ones come flooding in number seven be growing as we've talked about previously either growing or dying in your life a growing person is experiencing the positive emotions of Life a person who's not growing they start to experience depression and fatigue and fear and anxiety be growing all the time it's a gateway to all the positive emotions in life number eight be silly be playful see you were the happiest probably when you were a little little child when you were playful and you didn't care what everybody thought about you start to have more childlike enthusiasm in your life be silly be willing to look bad and look goofy the happiest people have more childlike emotions more childlike enthusiasm we all get older and we get buttoned up and we want to look a certain way and present our certain selves and think there's a a way we're supposed to act all the time and we lose the inner child and from there we lose the emotions the child gets to experience number nine be forgiving forgive people it will set you free and open you up to all the positive emotions of their life if there are people you need to forgive do it it's your lack of forgiveness that's holding you back from getting these positive emotions it's holding on to this thing you're holding over somebody even though you think they may deserve it if you don't forgive them you've blocked yourself you've cheated yourself from all the joy all the peace all the passion in your life is you're holding on and not forgiving somebody that lack of forgiveness is giving you the anxiety and the stress and it's blunting your access to the best emotions be forgiving and then number 10 be courageous be bold the most courageous people in life experience the greatest emotions they take risks they overcome adversity they put themselves in uncomfortable situations they show courage they step in when needed they're people's heroes in their life they do things they're afraid of on a very regular basis courage is not the absence of fear courage is taking action in the presence of fear I promise you the more courageous you are the more you are opening yourself to the best emotions in life these 10 things these 10 steps these 10 ways of being are gateways to the positive emotions in our life and when you combine that with identifying your gifts and using them in the service of other people and being conscious of wanting these emotions your entire life is going to transform hey it's Ed my lad I just wanted to thank you for being here and I would ask you to please subscribe to the show if you just click the Subscribe button here I would really appreciate it it helps the show grow so we can get even more successful guests on the program to help you at the same time if you're subscribed you're going to get access to the programs before anybody else in the world gets access to them so if you would click subscribe right here thanks so much I told you when we were getting ready to do this I said I want to ask you this is seems uncorrelated but it's not it's totally correlated because it comes from a pain point from you and it comes from a place of of a sanctuary that can preserve and increase energy which is personal relationships and so particularly your marriage to Lisa so you've been honest on my show before and by the way this is completely correlated to everything we've said because you said on the show before in the past hey man first time around probably didn't have that thing wired the right way yeah at some point I knew I wasn't probably with the right person for me wonderful person but not right person for me I wasn't a world class husband y you you You' said this before and you are a world class husband to Lisa in a true story it is when I think of you and by the way you're easily one of the most brilliant business Minds I've ever met you are probably the best marketing mind I know and you're a very diverse man between your understanding of real estate human dynamics interpersonal relationships energy influence I mean all the different business markets that you're in you're a very unique man and I you know I hold you in the highest regard you're one of the few people on the Earth that I call for counsel in certain areas so obviously same to you brother to you and of all that I don't admire you anywhere nearly as much for those things as I do for the kind of husband and father that you are and I think one of the I think you show me the quality of your relationships I think Tony was the first to say that I'll show you the quality of your life you have such a massive high quality of life and I believe that's because of your relationship with Lisa and your children why is it so good in other words what's been the key from you going to be in not very pry good husband the first time around to like if I think of the list of the best husbands I know that have the best real intimate loving real not perfect relationships with people I don't know that you don't occur first on my list you know maybe there's two or three people that all come up at the same time but you come up on that list what's been the key for that and how important is it to your your outward success in business because there's a correlation from when you met her to millions and millions more dollars in your bank account too it it is and and I have to say thank you for that you're you're so kind D it's why your your podcast does so great you truly serve from your heart um and thank you for the kind words my wife's going to listen to this podcast and smile from she loves you brother she she's binging on your podcast right now um I'll tell you first first thing I'll share just like a business is if you have the nerve to recognize that the reason your business might not have worked or your marriage might not have worked or your relationship might not worked if you're if you have the self-awareness and the nerve to look in the mirror and say it was probably you even if it wasn't all you but if you have the nerve to say that I remember going through a divorce and freaking out because and I won't go deep on this because I think I shared it on previous one but I was freaking out for my kids because I was a child of divorce and I didn't want them to feel you know you know you get it right totally so I was freaking out about that and then I remember thinking to myself I wrote down a list of what was unacceptable in a new relationship what what could not be and what could be and my on my could list Ed was I need someone that that loves a crazy entrepreneur that's into Health that's into personal growth someone who will love my children as if they're their own that's that's a task for a step person step parent right and I I wrote down this long list of all the things that were a must and something hit me in that list and I'm like damn I have nerve to ask for that right and in a moment I recognized that for me to attract that that I had to become a better man it had nothing to do with finding the perfect woman I had to be the better man to attract that type of woman and I worked on me I got a love coach I I unlocked the the you know holding back the full extent of love and all all the things we could share but here's what I would say when it comes to relationships um just this you know advice only from a guy that knows he messed up in the past but I am in the greatest relationship in my life is Imagine keeping the couple of things that came out of what I realized imagine Never Keeping score in a relationship imagine having the nerve and the confidence to just go I'm going to be the best version of me and I hope I get it back and not say you know I've been I've been doing I watch relationships unravel when someone says the husband says I work my tail off I provide for her she doesn't have to worry about anything she doesn't have to pay the bills she has someone to clean her house she does all this and I come home and and she's you know no dinner keeping score right you're keeping score and when you start keeping score soon as you start keeping score and it's not even how do you go to bed that night and be intimate how do you how do you have passionate connection if you're keeping score and thinking I'm doing more than her or or I'm taking care of the house he has no idea what it's like to to juggle two kids and take care of all this stuff and he's out flying around having fun doing you know he's working but at least he gets to be out I'm stuck in the house man there's the intimacy's gone right and then once the intimacy is gone then start thinking man someone else would love the way I work someone else the way I take care of things right so one is not keeping score here's the the toughest one that's big here's the toughest one imagine I know this going to sound crazy and some of you gonna be like yeah whatever dreamer imagine feeling love when you give it rather than when you receive it I fell in love with making my wife feel loved I love for that woman to look at me and she like there's five people in the room and she looks over and I'm staring at her like she's like I just saw her for the first time and she catches me and I watch her FL we've been together five and a half years I can stare at my wife when she doesn't realize it and if she catches me her cheeks will get red like she gets nervous even that and she's like like what are you looking at what are you looking at and she'll come over she's like you right I found I it took me years I found a way to feel love when I make her feel loved so I don't need her to love me back but the but here's the thing right right because I don't keep score my wife tries to outdo me because I give I feel love when I give her love she tries to give me more love right and I know maybe that takes the right partner and you might be thinking to yourself yeah Dean you found the right partner I I would say I have an amazing woman but I also know that I did all the opposite crap in the in the previous one and and this is I'm going to steal this from Tony one of the best advice I ever heard was imagine if you treated the end of relationship like the beginning would there actually be an end you remember in the beginning of a relationship you're like everything's Bliss and you're all and you're listening eye contact and you wouldn't dare look at your phone at dinner and now you're 3 years in and at dinner she wants to tell you about what happened with the kids today and you're like yo let me just what was that hold on let babe let me just look at my phone one second would you have ever done that in the first week of your relationship or on a first date and that just that hit me and people a lot of times will ask me it's like I don't know where my relationship is I'm like what if for the next 90 days you just went all in and pretended like you guys just met and you were dating again the end of 90 days you might have a completely different situation that's good yeah it's so good you're so good I don't know does that bed your business life having that part of it not even a question like the funny part is so many people say to me what happened to you like four years ago man you just got more Dynamic you're more confident on stage it was definitely that because the the last thing I'll say is on this is I had more I've had more success than I could have ever dreamed possible good zillion times more than what my dreams were I have two I'm now three and a fourth on the way but I had two amazing amazing children that were just humble and sweet and and kind and my business is thriving and good friends but I didn't have love in my life and I didn't have connection and I wasn't a good husband right because I wasn't happy and I probably when you're in congruent when not all things in your life are lined up I never could have understood the power of that while I was in it I just said no I should be happy no my relationship isn't great but we co-parent good and we got great kids and the business is good and we got the great house I just wasn't in alignment Ed I was kind of living a lie yeah and when I finally shed that and now I get to be the man like and I know you know me but man imagine the wish that if anybody put a hidden camera on you for a week and then your wife your friends and the world could watch it and go wow same guy on camera same guy on the podcast same guy when no one was watching that congruency has taken the restrictions off my business has doubled my life is doubled my happiness is doubled I've attracted dear people in my life like you and other people because I I think that I I just get to be me at all times beautiful brother I also find and you talk about this in the book I think successful or happy people have a different relationship with discomfort than unhappy people sure meaning I I kind of enjoy doing uncomfortable things I have found after pursuing them over and over again in my life that I I'm more familiar with it I guess now and I kind of see it as a space I like to be in whereas I think most humans because we're wired this way our natural proclivity is to avoid discomfort it's another one of the principles that you have in the book yeah Lance Armstrong told me one time he was like I trained because I love riding the bike he's like I raced for money right and so do you love the work or do you love the thing right and and I here's the thing people go but if you love the thing and you you can't not do it you will also most likely be very good at that thing do you know what I mean like yes 100% tell my kids that if you wrote the book Because You Loved it and you put everything that you didn't cut any Corners you did your best you're 100% locked in chances are more often than not that is going to work if you're writing the book because you think this is a lucrative Niche and you want to cash in at this moment and you think it'll help your career be a good business card maybe but most of the time it won't so it's really about averages like what's what attit and so like a comedian who loves the the act of standup will do so much standup that eventually they will become world class and they'll get the specials and all the other things but if you're if you're in it because you think it'll be fun because you think it'll get you girls because you think it'll impress your parents you think it'll piss your parents off you're going to find that when it gets really hard you don't have what it takes to stay with it yeah staying power is only through the Love of the Game to some extent in the book part one's the exterior the body part two is the interdomain temperament this guy stuff is so good right um the soul is another part of the book morning routine may be the single most overt talked about thing in the history of personal development I mean in the last 10 years right yet and yet how many people have good morning routines that's the deal and that's why I want to talk about it with you I think it became a fad yeah actually I think it's talked about way more than implemented yes I really do yes and I actually know some of the dudes who talk about it who even themselves don't implement the morning routine so you talk a little bit about attacking the dawn another thing I've grown to know in my life is the happiest and successful people I know do a lot of stuff earlier in the day than the people that I know that aren't as happy or successful I want you talk about both those things so to me well I I tell the story of Tony Morrison in the book she had this great line she's like I got to get up and get to work before I hear the word mom and I think that's actually the same thing that rich successful like billionaires get up and work out at the gym at 4:00 a.m. because that's their time they they cannot leave the office at 2:00 p.m. to go work out there's too much happening the day gets away from you like when I hear about people who are like yeah you know and then I write you know maybe in the afternoon no you got to know when you do it and that's always got to be when you do it or you're going to find reasons to not do it and and I think uh Pete Holmes another comedian once told me he's like getting up early is like robbing a bank when no one's there oh good you know and you're like the morning there's less interruptions less people my thing is I don't touch my phone for the first 30 minutes to an hour I'm awake and I just that's my time I don't actually write right when I wake up I take my kids for a long walk we do this long my kids are still young so we do a long walk outside in the morning before I've been sucked into stuff so I carry that like I know even if the day gets away from me I had quality time with my family I had quality time outside I got active I thought I was intentional thinking about what I have to do today what I want to do well and then when I sit down to write I got that's what I'm bringing to it not I checked Twitter before my feet even hit the ground out of bed and I'm already pissed off and already distracted like that you're you're not setting yourself up for success I love you the number one non-negotiable part of my routine is not touching my phone the first 30 minutes it's also the hardest thing to for me to have developed was that yeah I find it the most valuable thing I've gone back and forth cold shower no cold showers I've done you know I'm going to get up and train really hard in the beginning I'm going to do my writing early in the morning I'm going to do my I've moved those things around what I've not moved around in a very long time is touching my phone the first 30 minutes I think it's the I think because it's so difficult to do it ought to prove to everybody how valuable it actually is to do it and I I have to sleep with it in the other room so if I get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night I'm not like what's happened like I you got to create some shelter so that way you know if you're getting a good amount of sleep that's like you know 78 hours of no phone consecutively which has already set you up for a good a good day where you're not the majority of that time on the phone well I think it tells you who you are I think if you're grabbing your phone the first thing you get up you've decided I I'm a responder and a reactor in my life I don't dictate any of the terms I'm in no control of anything and I think if you can at least wait 30 minutes you've just that is that choice in it of itself gives you a form of control even if what's in that phone by the way needs response when you get there you set a syntax or a context of your life that the whole world is not going to dictate to me what happens in any given day that I'm in charge of this at least to some extent I think if you can get some control over the first 30 minutes of your day some control over the last 30 minutes there's a higher probability yeah you'll have at least the illusion of control yeah over the middle of your deck well it's like do you use the phone or does the phone use you yeah right and it's like if you if you can't control when you use it or not like you're the tool A friend of mine telling me his morning yeah his his his morning is like get up of course I check my phone real fast to see if there's any fires I have to put out then I go do this stuff and it's like do you ever not find fires what do you think's in there of course that's what that's what the phone is but that's also what you are looking for and by definition you're going to find it I want to start the day in control with a big like the Long View I want to to set the pace right you don't want you don't want the fact that one of your colleagues emailed you at 3:00 a.m. with some thing that's not really important but they actually Michael bosk and and and Lauren told me this they were like your inbox is your is a to-do list put together by other people so good it's so good right and then you're like oh okay so I'll get to those things when I get to them not when you get to that very good see there's so there's let me just tell you something Ryan's work is so loaded that what we'll cover in this hour is going to change your life but it is honestly maybe 2% of even just this book no I'm not saying to make you feel good but CU I I have all these circles I made and I can already tell I'm not going to get to a lot of them but so you said look I get up I don't check my phone I go take this walk with my kids now I'm kind of creating in the book you say perfectionism is actually a vice yeah right that's a strong term to make right and I think the reason most people that struggle struggle is they have a higher threshold of how good or prepared they think they have to be to take an action in order to not take in other words most people I know that are pretty successful or happy have a lower threshold of how good they think they have to be at something before they'll begin it they'll step into a space and say I'll figure it out when I get there and when I get there I'll figure out the next space and I'll fig that doesn't mean they don't practice pre preparation doesn't mean I'm more I'm more confident in today's interview because I prepared my ass off for this right but I also know something could happen that I'm not prepared for and it doesn't cause me to not pursue this craft that's totally right I think the more you've done the more experience you have the more confidence you have in yourself s and so you under you can remember how things were when you started which is not anywhere close to where they were when you finish there's a a Hemmingway quote I have it on a poster my wall he says the first draft of everything is sh or anything I forget but I did I did a version of it where I marked it up like even that sentence he didn't that didn't come out perfectly formed he shaped that and so uh writing as a metaphor you get comfortable with first drafts you go if I don't do it because I want it to be perfect it will never be good and then I can't polish it to Perfection right and then Perfection itself does not exist it's a m it's the Horizon it's always a little bit further away and so if you get com like for me it's like I'm just trying to make something that exists then I can edit it and shape it and change it and improve it but if I'm so first off high am my own Supply so convince I'm a genius whatever I'm I'm never going to actually do it and then it it will be perfect in my head but it won't ever be shippable oh man that's really true speaking of Firsts I love this you say uh do hard things first yeah why well writing is the hard thing in in my profession so it's like I don't allow myself to make up a bunch of other stuff that I do first to get then distracted like I I hate I think breakfast meetings should be illegal right breakfast coffees morning staff meeting no go do the work then once we've made some Headway then we have the luxury of going hey what's the next thing we need to be thinking about like if you're again if you if you're putting it off you're GNA come up with reasons that you never have to get to it brother I'm a disciplined person I'd like to think and here's how right he is you actually write about someone that I work with in your book I won't say who it is but she used to run a country and um and I work out first in the morning it's one of the first things I do and the reason it's one of the first things I do is because it's hard for me yeah and after 30 some odd years of being in gyms it's not my favorite place to go anymore it just isn't so I have to do it early in the day well some of my coaching has started to happen overseas which means they're up I have to get up really early to do these coaching calls with some of these people one of them is a woman in your book and on the days where I coach her I don't work out early in the day right right and I have it kind of scheduled like around 11:00 I'm just being real with you all of a sudden around 11:30 I'm on Instagram again 12:15 I'm doing emails 1:00 you know what I'll do it at 5:00 after dinner no this is me and I've trained for 35 years there have been several days I just didn't work out those days and it's pathetic but it's because you should do hard things first in your day you've proven it and I'm I'm evidence of it with this I got to change you know I got this other thing then I got to take a shower after do get it out of the way and and that that's how I think about like writing is the win every day for me CU that's what I do if if my thing was training people I would do the training whatever the win is you got to do that cross it off and then if you get to the other stuff that's extra right it can't be you do the extra and then maybe you get to the the main thing I I spoke to the Rams a couple years ago and they said the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing like what is that for you and then is your day built around it yes or no because if it's not what does that say it's very true it's like I just get a coaching call yesterday with some entrepreneurs I'm like are you actually moving the needle with what you're doing yeah and you can look at your life in your day that way early your day are you moving the needle on your day or are you kicking the needle down the road so to speak right and it's just and also you get momentum when what's the thing the other the way I think about it too is like what are the things that only I can do right everything else you Outsource but it it's like if I what is the main driver here for me it's like am I writing coming up with the ideas the other stuff is important but it's Downstream from that really good point and you got to know what that is like the most powerful law in economics is the law of comparative advantage right if I pick apples uh better than you and you pick oranges better than me we can't both be picking each other's stuff we got to find our lane stick to it and then that makes the whole economy grows as a result of that so good so good so good the uh we should have done the three hours that I told you I want to keep going I told him we're not going three hours you did Rogan but I kind of want to go three hours we won't go that far but so the part of the work that affects me the most and maybe it's the Crux of the work and maybe it's only the Crux of the work for me right I bet different part of what you're writing about but you talk a lot about having the I'll use my terminology and you can correct me the discipline to to deny or pass on Temptation in life right so it's this this idea that there's Temptation sure and someone who is I guess uh practicing more stoicism than someone who is not has developed the ability to not give into those Temptations whatever they might be in life the thing I have seen hurt most humans in my life has been their inability to deal with temptation a they become successful and now they get the Temptation if they're a guy of women or the temptation of I've saved a bunch of money the temptation to spend it um Dr drugs whatever it might be also the temptation to watch Netflix the temptation to be gluttonous the Temptation and this is for anybody in life but there's these temptations that we sort of have this intuitive knowing pull us from who we best are that we give into every single day different ways in most parts of our life and the most happy and evolved people I know do it less they don't do it never but they do it less yeah sen he says show me a man who isn't a slave right one to his mistress one to power one to recognition he says uh even the slave master is a slave to the slaves right the idea that like your big enormous estate it it like do you own the company or does the company own you right and so I think deciding like we were talking about with the phone like who's in control me or it and the ability to go like I don't do that I'm not going to I that's not for me I don't care if everyone does it I don't care if you think I'm weird for doing it um it doesn't work for me it's not part of my life and the ability to have those lines like I always respect people and like we make fun of people who have like weird dietary things and I was like no they decided they don't eat this and that's a rule they follow I respect that when I see it right and and what I tend to find is that that's a transer able skill right so the ability to say like I don't do X also allows you to say I don't do y right and so sometimes cultivating that is really important the ability to say like there's a famous story about Richard feineman that I tell in the book that is the physicist he he's he's s walking to work one day and he just feels his pull like in the middle of a morning to go have a drink and he's not an alcoholic he has no moral argument against drinking but he doesn't like that feeling that feeling of like go do this cuz that wasn't him that was some part in him and that he never drinks a day again in his life and I I think you want to cultivate that like what are the things that you're sort of compulsively doing the things that just sort of you're powerless to do once the idea comes in your head that's what you want to develop the muscle the ability to be like nah not anymore oh whoa whoa whoa whoa that's really good so the thing that pops in your mind that's that compulsive temptation is probably the thing that's the signal yes okay right and then developing ability to be like I can stop doing con compulsive things is really important right that's that's strength right lots of strong people can lift heavy things but then they are powerless that's what sen is saying they're powerless over this thing think about someone they super powerful world leader but they're obsessed with checking their you know their mentions or something right or they're they're obsessed with uh dominating people where they can't stop this impulse and then that ultimately or inevidence tends to lead to their destruction in some way so is it a little bit about and I don't know that it is so I want to ask you is it a little bit about chipping away at one's excessive I think so yeah not getting perfect but chipping away it's not just doing the right things but chipping away at the things that make us less than we're capable of being I think that's right I mean Temperance the word is about what's the right amount so so some things the right amount is zero right but a lot of things it's it's a it's a appropriate amount and beyond that point it starts to get a like again like it's almost easier to be like I don't drink than to be like this is when I sto drinking yeah right like I've had enough and this is also true for Success like think about how many boxers can't leave when it's enough you're right right and then they go too far and that's that's their downfall and so again cultivating the ability to be like I decide when this stops you're right and when you're listening to this you might go well mine's not drinking or drugs or porn or sex or spending money is it worry is it worry is it anxiety is it fear is it anger control control good one control well you just hit one on mine yeah like the the micromanaging thing like you're like why don't people like working for me like you you you you're not fun to work for yeah yeah it's it's about I think overall it's the knowledge of getting quiet and more self-aware and understanding oneself is that the basis of the work would you say to some extent and I think that's what Marcus is doing in meditations he's talking to himself and working it out on the page like your thoughts can deceive you but when you put them down and you you have to have that discussion you go oh yeah right yeah I mean putting yourself up for review the stoic putting yourself up for review that's a difficult thing to do it's uncomfortable yeah it's uncomfortable and I I'm doing it lately it's interesting for my audience to be in real time you know I think they're surprised often more because you know look the other part of me is like okay here's how you do all these things but I'm also a work in progress in other words even for the audience or even my I don't want to be the same guy next year I am this year then I I'm not that same I want to my values diminish to the world if I'm the same person I ought to have new distinctions and new wisdom and new breakthrough and so should you that are listening to this okay beware this madness what is that that's the part this part of the book I'm like what is that I'm talking about when you lose we're talking we're talking about losing control when you lose control over your emotions that sort of temporary of insanity anger frustration resentment fear lust right when when you're losing control of yourself you're defenseless in the face of that thing I tell the story of Sam casselle the basketball player he he hits this great shot as he's running back to celebrate he can't stop himself from taunting uh the opponents and he he does this they call it the Big Balls dance he acts like he's cradling his huge balls but he he fractures his hip in doing this right is out basically the rest of the series they they don't they don't go all the way to uh they don't win the the finals the idea of like anytime you're doing it's not that the stoics were against emotion I think they were out they were against doing things when consumed by emotion right or or letting emotions overwhelm you right so it's like you get some you know rude email it's not to say you should let someone talk to you that way it's not to say you shouldn't respond but like responding with anger is not going to improve things so the ability to be like I'm going to step back I'm going to do this calmly almost everything is done better calmly 100% by the way I call it equinity in my book calmness under duress right staying in that moment and staying in that silence is strength is something you say I really want to spend a little bit of time on this I think that silence is it's free yeah and it's yet almost never taken advantage of by our culture anymore and even for me I just interviewed uh Colin o' Brady yeah he's got a new book called The 12-h Hour walk and the concept of it is at least put your phone down for 12 hours and take a walk and take your light I think more and more with all the noise in our lives in this day and age people are becoming less and less familiar with silence they want a lot of people have to have someone else around them or their phone on or the TV on or the radio on or something and silence is this free space that is so beautiful and liberating that now as humans we don't even take advantage of anymore I was a director of marketing an American Apparel for a long time and and I sort of watched the company go and all the way down and the CEO would call me sometimes uh like 2 3 in the morning I would be asleep he'd wake me up and he would just talk to me till he fell asleep and at first I was very young and I thought you know am I this important what is it when what is this is it that he really cares about and then I realized this man can't be alone in those two minutes that he's falling asleep and what epiphanies what changes what Reflections what awareness might have come if you could have that space like it's it's possible now to fill every second with noise that's what your phone is and you have to cultivate that silence because it's in the reflection that you have ideas you have breakthroughs I was I was at a pool one time just getting to go swimming and someone recognized me and said oh I loved your books and I said I wrote those books in this pool like I swim in this pool because I can't hear anything I just the you know my ears are underwater it's like aent like I'm alone with my thoughts and the ideas come to me then and you have to cultivate that silence it's you're right it's free but it's also like the most valuable thing in the world it is it's why so many people tell me my favorite moment of the day is when I'm in bed and I hit the bed and I'm like well if that's your favorite moment of the day it's telling you that you're yearning for a little silence a little quiet I find myself even like when I travel when I shut the hotel room door and I'm in there alone I'm like yeah this is so good dudes who have kids they they got noisy lives they spend an enor amount of time uh in the bathroom doing what they need to do in there and they just sit in this little room doing because it's just a quiet time that ought to tell us all we have this yearning for silence in our lives that the noise is not allowing us to appreciate how much we need or want it in our lives yeah look that's why I like getting up early in the morning it's quieter then you know what I mean get up before the emails have really started and then you don't have to have as much strength or willpower to ignore them what's a practice like what's your life look like look all these philosophies by the way to me it's just like really great stuff it's soic ISM but it's just really great stuff of how to live a better life but what's like a practice that you do daily is it is it your meditation time that allows you to sort of participate more in this quality of work or what what is it that you do my my uh big morning practice my meditation practice is journaling sitting down and writing things down creating some space between me and the thoughts and and like we said putting my putting yourself up for review um I I want to I want to I don't want to wake up 20 years from now and go like man how did I get here I want to be doing that reflection on a regular daily basis and catch the things before like one of the things I'll notice in my journal is like if I'm saying the same thing over and over again well I need to make some changes right if I'm like so tired today so tired today if I'm wrting that three days in a row like something's wrong with the decisions I'm making in my life really good and I can make those I let's make those changes now before I end up somewhere unrecognizable I think most people bro I love your work like I really do it's for me yeah it's for me um I know I've said that three times but I just want to express to you my gratitude for it the um of a really good friend of mine who's made lots of lots of money and he's actually helped a lot of people too he contributes he gives a lot of money away he spends a lot of time and he's unhappy and by the way on the surface you'd go wow married to the same person makes lots of money gives lots of money away this guy's living the life kind he doesn't give into a lot of Temptation frankly he's a good dude and he's unhappy and he said I just can't figure out why I'm unhappy and I said I think I know and I said byy and large brother you've lived a completely unexamined life in other words there's never been time for self-examination and so many of us even listening to this might be a breakthrough moment for so many of you you may be doing good things you may be growing you may have all these things but you're supposed to be examining your life to some extent I love what you're saying put yourself up for review I use the terminology of an unexamined life yeah and you know we should check in with ourselves regularly because we may be so far down a path and winning down a path that is no longer longer the path that we want to be on or need to be on but we haven't even examined it for years and years and years if ever so that's sort of what you mean to the extent of putting yourself up for review is self-examination right yeah if you don't know who you are what you want what kind of life you want you just end up defaulting to what everyone else is doing or what you used to want what you've always done yeah right and and so it takes it takes an active practice of question in and reviewing and talking not just with yourself but also with other people maybe have a therapist a spouse like you you want to be doing this now when you can steer the boat not when you've ended up somewhere and you're stuck right it it if you've been doing the same thing unquestioned for 20 years yeah changing course is now going to be really expensive really difficult uh but if you've been making these micro adjustments as you go you know th those things cumulatively shape the direction or the trajectory you're going yeah and if you don't do that you just end up living a pattern yeah it's just a pattern it's a pattern of thoughts a patterns of emotions a pattern of behaviors a pattern of people and it just becomes and and if we're not careful in our lives I write about this in my work our minds move towards what it's most familiar with yeah so if you don't ever have unfamiliar thoughts unfamiliar examinations this journaling or this thinking you just have a life that's a pattern well it's like what's your North Star right like what is the thing not just your main thing but like what's the value the the purpose like what is the main thing you're trying to do that that matters right and then how are you tacking or tracking against that right is this promotion you were just offered or this attractive stranger that sent you a drink in a bar how does that get you closer or further away from that thing yes I I um yes I I sometimes when I look at like major decisions in my life like hey do you w to move here and do this like hey do you want to take on this project I go when I look back and ask myself why I got divorced is this that reason right but my North Star is I want to be a good spouse and uh father those that's really important my work is also very important to me and these things are in a a tension or a balance with each other but I don't I don't want the fact that a cool opportunity is there over and over and over you just default to saying yes to that you're you're simultaneously saying no no no to these other people and these other things and then you you you're telling yourself you're doing it for them but you're not you're just doing it because it's easier to say yes than it is to say no yeah yeah whoa whoa whoa very good so yeah I relate to that he's end up just sort of chasing the next shiny thing and and not having an examination of what this means to the other things that matter to you because you don't have a true north star I have a true north star in my life but one of the things you say in the book about this other people thing is listen to this guys tolerant with others strict with yourself that's you if you can get to that Nuance you're one heck of an evolved human being that's the highest level right uh it's easy to just everyone should follow my rules right uh but it's called self-discipline for a reason right you only control this like you only control the standards you set for yourself and nothing will make you more unhappy than making up rules and then being upset that people who never even heard these rules are not following them right they didn't sign up for this right uh you got to be comfortable being like these are this is important to me because it's important to me and if you want to live your life your own way I got to be okay with that uh KO uh KO the younger he's this famous do he's the strictest guy on of himself he's Fearless he's Incorruptible you know even though he's Rich he he dresses in plain cloes all this stuff but his brother was the opposite and he loved his brother it's like Bruce Springsteen says sometimes if you're a brother you got to look the other way yeah you know like you got to go you're you you're living your life if it works for you it works for you I can tell you why I don't think it's working for you if you want my advice but I'm not going to criticize you resent you and most of all I'm not going to try to punish you for doing your things your way these are all principles just like when you hear them you're like yep I'd live a better life if I did that yep that would be better for me yep that would be better for me and it's a matter of I think reading for me and if you don't read you listen audiobooks whatever is a form of self-examination when I'm reading I might read I'm think I'm listening to what's being written but I'm really reflecting on me as I'm reading the words I think that's the most powerful way to read on the sole part of the book we can't cover it all because I want to get the book by the way again we've covered like 2.3% now but you say the power of giving power away like I it probably you've hit on the area that would be most difficult for me in terms of my Evolution would be the power of giving power away what does that mean and what's like an application of it George Washington's greatest moment is when he resigns his Commission in the Continental Army and says I don't want to be king they said he could he could have become king of America and uh the king of England when he hears this he he says what's what's Mr Washington going to do after he defeats the greatest Empire in the world and uh this painter says I believe he's going to return to his farm and he says if he does that he is the greatest man in the world to know when to step down to know when to share to know when someone is better than you at something this is extremely hard and requires so much self-discipline as as Majestic as that is for for Washington when he repeats it again when he voluntarily leaves after two terms but Marcus cilus has chosen to be Emperor his father is a number he's chosen but there's this pesky thing that he has a stepbrother yes right and what does he do I mean historically Maki would be like you got to get rid of this guy kill and the first thing Marcus does with absolute power is he anoints his brother Co Emperor and his brother also opposite of him in so many ways but he writes in meditations he says what I loved about his brother was how his character challenged me to improve my own so he didn't try to make his brother a replica of himself of himself he used his brother where his brother could help him and where his brother had skills and he didn't and he was willing to share and let him be him and and and Marcus be Marcus and he he wasn't so insecure that he needed everything for himself and I think so often we see great athletes great entrepreneurs great leaders great politicians not know when their moment is over and when it's not to say they can't continue to contribute but they're no longer the the top spot and if you can't if you're so egotistical you can't plan for a legacy you're going to end up creating a legacy it just won't be a positive one yeah and by the way that that you're so right it affects us in every day even running our businesses too thinking that we're the best at everything in our company where we would give some of the control away to someone who's actually better at these things and have the discernment to give some of that power away and let them go your company would grow your life would grow maybe even in your family maybe your wife is just way better at some of these things than you and you just ought to let her have them or reverse your husband is and I think often times in life that that notion of giving the power it's not easy for me I'm a controlled person and it's something that that's part of my my Evolution as a man yeah has to be connected to that and once you give them the power letting them do it their way right so it's like hey you're in charge of this here's how I would do it but I just want you to do it however it works that's on you again this is tolerant with with others strict with yourself like I'm going to allow you to be you I don't want I'm not so rigid or insecure that I think everyone needs to be exactly like me the way I do it works for me you all have different processes different backgrounds different needs skills strengths and and we got to respect that you use the word uh insecure but I can tell you and it's correlated for me I know when I'm afraid to give away control and power uh it's when I'm afraid yeah which is pretty close to insecure yeah it's when I'm afraid like I'm afraid if I let you do this my son's going to go if you handle the discipline my wife my son's going to turn out to be like my dad I me addict or if I let you run this part of my company I'm going to go broke I mean these are ridiculous correlations we make but you have to ask yourself when you're not giving control away in your life to people around you is that from coming from a place of fear or insecurity because I think most of the time that's what you're operating out of when you're trying to hold on to control all the time I think that's totally right speaking about that we don't have too much more time and I'm frustrated as heck about it but I want to go to the book a little bit more by the way everybody should get the book like listen when you read the book a couple things is you're going to manage your own life better lead your own life better there'll also be this part of you that you go man if you live in a particular country I live in the US man I wish our leaders had more of these characteristics man I wish they had that one thing you can even think of so many think if they just had that one difference how much greater they would have been their demise was that thing you you'll see these little pieces in the book and that could be your demise also when you're reading the book ironically you talk about Queen Elizabeth in the book yeah I I just fascinated by you she I've never spent any time thinking about this woman until obviously lately right I've never spend any time thinking about her and I was sort of fascinated when when passing I'm like people really made a big deal about this I just maybe I was naive but you really write about her in the book what is it that you loved about her so much or admired in her or characteristics you saw in her I mean first off just to think she has the same job for 70 years and she shows up every day there is no on or off the clock she is the queen and unlike say Marcus or a president who has a lot of power she has absolutely no power her job is her Poise and her dignity what she represents and she has the same job for 70 years she never gives an on the record interview to a reporter think about everything she's seen everything she knows think about how wrong the Press has been about her think about all the things she wants to say and talk about silence she says nothing because her job is to be impartial and everything is being done in her name literally but she cannot say anything but she she manages to she every she meets with the Prime Minister I think she's on she was on her like 14th prime minister so she she is I mean she's personally trained by Winston Churchill she knows so much she is the most qualified and she can't be like that's a bad idea don't do that but she can well what about this have you thought about this I once heard this right so she has to develop how to be uh assertive without being aggressive she has to keep uh she has to be above the phas she can't be distracted by the noise and then also I think what's particularly impressive about her the the monarchy 70 years ago totally different than it is today and yet exactly the same right and so that's what tradition is people think tradition is like keeping everything exactly the same no it's finding the North Star the the real things and then everything else is negotiable and they have this favorite they had this famous motto inside the Royal household which is if things are going to stay the same things are going to have to change and so she's malleable and adjustable about the things that don't matter yep and then very firm and rigid about the things that do matter and that's if you want to last if you want to endure you look at someone who's been in the music business or someone who's been in professional sports or someone who's been business after business Everything's changed and yet the core things Jeff basos says you focus on the things that don't change you got to know what those are lock into them everything else you're what's new what's best you that that tension to me requires so much self-discipline then you want to talk about physical discipline I mean just imagine like she's millions of miles shaking millions of hands she in 70 years fell asleep in public one time and she was like 85 and it was a lecture about magnets you know is that right like just the sheer toughness of this little old lady it puts all of us to shame yeah I love that you honored I also love your fascination with history it's becoming a lost art form and the more I'm even reading your book I'm a history buff too but even reading your book there's things I learned in the book and I'm like yeah that applies now and I want to finish on it cuz I'm a baseball so I opened up with this but I want to finish with it so Babe Ruth is probably the most well-known baseball player of all time maybe the most well-known athlete of all time certainly pretty darn close and you kind of in the book do this comparison between Babe Ruth gluttonous big ass and Lou gar and for everybody listening to this this may sound obvious but Lou garig eventually passed from Lou garg's disease or ALS right so but Lou garig is known as the Iron Horse and that's sort of what I knew about him is he just played in all these consecutive games 2100 consecutive games it's insane yeah I don't think I knew what a great player he was and I want you to talk about I'm gonna give one thing away because it just blew my mind this dude's done correct me if I'm wrong they like x-ray his hands or look at former x-rays this dude had like 17 fractures in his hands he broke every one of his fingers and never missed a game that's insane yeah the T the sheer toughness that that requires just like someone like Queen Elizabeth to show up every day not have an excuse or even when you have an excuse is immense I mean he gets hit in the head in one game before the era of helmets goes to the hospital gets an x-ray you know he's knocked unconscious they go oh he's going to miss months even this the the pitcher that hit him goes H streaks over next game it's right in there and and he was like look I could have taken a day off it was that if I took that day off that pitch would change how I play because now I'd be yeah I you know what I mean he hits three triples that next game because he knows he has to get back in there he can't let the excuse win oh my gosh bro like and it's his relationship with discomfort and pain that made him different also his La he's sort of embodies this right his his his unwillingness to give into temptation which which Ruth is doing all the time drinking and eating he walks into the Yankees Dugout and it's they put these fancy cushions on it he rips them out he's like cushions the enemy right he wants it he wants to be tough and and look bab Ruth amazing but when you read about how Babe Ruth treated his body yeah you can't and his money you can't think what could a more disciplined Babe Ruth have done so you know I I talk about this I wrote this book ego is the enemy it's same with ego same with this this stuff it's not that people who aren't disciplined are never successful it's not that people with big egos are never successful of course they are often because they're extremely talented often because they're lucky often cuz it's not like a death sentence but it is a seiling on your potential yes and you know Babe Ruth's career has cut short because he doesn't take care of himself Lou Garrick's career is cut short because of a tragedy yeah you know but which one did more in that time that they had right and and unarguably it's it's actually gar yes Babe Ruth I didn't know this you you taught me It Babe Ruth calls the shot hits a home run turns out Lou gar hit one that night too right yeah he's he's the Workhorse of an athlete which ultimately I think over the long term does more than the sort of you know you guys his work is so damn good and I hope today was this unbelievable ride for you about your own life and different breakthroughs for you one of the things that's a principle in the book by the way to me anyway you correct me if I'm wrong it's a collection of essays guys where you're going to laugh but it makes most of them are like profound life points and a few of them are just like points right but it's kind of like cynicism versus hope almost to me yeah is like an overriding thing like hey no one's polyana saying everything's great in your life or in the world but you got two ways you can choose to live your life right like one's with some hope and some you know belief that something can be better in your life or the world or you can be better and the other one is that you can't no yeah I don't I definitely I definitely choose hope I mean it really it's easy to be cynical and kind of quit but I don't like to quit you know what I me and I also don't like my days to be ruined I would rather I'd like it to be a fun time well you're laughing and that's one of the points also from the book for me I always am especially when you got to the politic thing set that aside for a second it's like everyone should ask themselves it's like how much laughing are you doing yeah you know and I I even had to look at this for me about I don't know a couple years ago we went to a friend's house uhhuh they were belly laughing the family like they and I could tell this is happens a lot here and I actually evaluated cuz there's love in my home and growth and you know all that but I was like do we laugh enough yeah you know and then I kind of like what you do is so theoretically important you got to ask yourself if you're listen like how much laughing are you doing are you taking all this [ __ ] way too seriously change my language but like everything just a bit too seriously like if you really are renting your time here right right and it really is about making the world better you really are blessed to get a chance to be here during this time yeah maybe dial the seriousness down a notch right yeah unless it's your work there are very serious people working on very serious problems and you know what I don't need those guys laughing all the time I don't need my neuro laughing as we go into surgery I don't need right exactly those people I people trying to figure out Healthcare whatever they're trying to do guys working on on physics yeah all right more power to you I don't need to see you at Applebee's doing shots at 4:30 cuz you left the office office early right the rest of us you know this is a short time that you're here especially as an adult with some money in your pocket it's a short ride like yeah it's really not one of my big philosophies in life is don't do the math don't add up how much time we have just enjoy the hell out of it because I don't like I don't like the daunting limitation of time uh but to go against my philosophy of don't do the math you know once you get out of school and then find your way after another 10 years and you kind of lock it in and you start rolling so maybe you're like 30 and then 30 40s 50s 60s now your knees are shot your eyes are going and it's the same thing it so you're dealing with a couple decades there three decades in the middle that are really that good now do you want to spend that time right not having as much fun as you possibly can so true you know what I mean get a pontoon boat get some bowling shoes right make jokes with your kids when when when my kids come in when there's a fight in the house about what about what right someone left their shoes right on the steps who cares it's okay it's it's going to be all right I know it's aggravating I know she doesn't listen it'll be okay yeah and really just like I I want to have as much fun as possible part of that does come with age though don't you think like part of that perspective that's why it's cool to listen to podcasts of two middle-aged guys talking if you're not so m age cuz you can learn from our mistakes cuz I took I took I took too many things too seriously I took offense too much in my life and I was too much in my life I'd like you know I you're at an airport and some dude cut you off to get his bag in front of you or whatever I'm like man like why did I let that upset me like I took joy out of my I woke up today CU I listened to your podcast yesterday I swear to you I woke up today and I went this is today and I do this for a living I'm like how do I want want to feel today I literally did this this morning I'm I my family was gone so I woke up alone this morning yeah like how do I actually want to feel today I can start today and just start throwing my worries at myself what I got to get done the stuff I do and don't want to do or like could I actually like choose today I'm gonna think I just I think I like this sounds really weird to come from me from my eyes I was like I'm actually GNA be happy today I actually intentionally got up yeah and I was kind of happy and guess what happens I go into my little home gym my dog wrapped all over the floor in the middle of the night and like damn today I was like this is freaking hilarious I finally decide I literally got the sleep walking out of my eyes and Bam there's crap all over my gym peed everywhere I got to take 40 minutes and clean this up and I still though you know what I mean like I know there's nothing better than that perspective of of chuckling at yourself like I I find myself doing it when I get up in the middle of the night and have to pee and go walking and I'm walking like Sanford and Sun my ankles are they're sore and I'm banging into walls and just the little quiet like here we go again here we go how I walk now uh is just so funny but I didn't I cultivated that early I I wasn't it's kind of a mixed bag but I remember in high school being like I have the option to how am I going to go into today like that that thing of like and I'm I'm clapping my hands cuz I literally would kind of do that I'd wake up and like and I was like all right let's go what do we got to do like let's let's yeah let's let's go and when you get older and I started like my career and even now you have to fight it you got to fight gravity it's like that that worry or just the drudgery or yes you wake up and you're like oh it's not good you got to fight it all the time but I kind of cultivated it early because I was looking at life through funny yeah I was like I'm not taking any of this I I lost some people really early so I was like oh this is not to be taken that seriously like this is really precious time so let's kind of enjoy it I think it's a huge thing Tom I actually think it's a huge thing it's it's interesting that of all the people I've had on the show that it's someone in your profession who points this out and it affected me uh but like really man like I think that's important like this I take me and stuff too seriously too often there are things I do that really matter yeah but a lot of it doesn't yeah and a lot of things don't the other thing i' I've done a pretty good job of my life of not complaining probably one of the funniest parts of the book for me was your I want you to tell him this story was two two parts one when you cannon baled into the pool and and you remember that where you yeah and the other one is when you got you were one of like a billion grandkids right just tell them that where you got a card from your grandmother yeah just the point of the chapter is like stop complaining yeah it's quit your complaining I think it's the name of the essay this is awesome and I was taught by my grandmothers really who were just these like inspirational they were like the the positive thinkers before it was in Vogue uh and my one and my one lesson was don't quit your complaining like don't complain we're all a mess like nobody wants we've all got worries I want to shift and go forward because I think there's a massive lesson here with you which is that once you got through well you're never totally through John still suffers from who get some sores and different things right now in his life am I right about that he still there's still you still reminded all the time of the difference with you compared to what it may or may not have been true it is true and and ironically and it's through the actions of one of my sisters that we probably won't speak about today but my face is not burned so when you look at me a glance across a coffee bar you see a very ordinary looking guy but right below that face starts the neck and from the neck to my toes that's 30 degree burns so um although I look at first glance well you know darkhair dude you know normal looking fella yeah right below that though it it it uh falls apart so I've burs and scars and sores like you mentioned from my neck to my toes it's a constant daily reminder of what I've been through what about though this is what I want to ask you this is where I think people this is a massive oh my gosh moment for my audience and it was for me you sort of hid the story most of your life in other words which is ironic because we're talking about it now but you spent most of your life trying to say no no no I'm normal I'm normal I'm normal I'm normal and I think you have somehow discovered in the process that the real Beauty in life is being vulnerable authentic enough courageous enough to reveal the scars in our life metaphorically and literally so we all have scars like I have found when I've been willing to finally talk about my childhood with my dad that the impact I've made is much greater I think most people think oh my divorce disqualifies me from being successful or happy or this my sin has or you know my financial failures or some part of me that's inadequate my scars my weaknesses disqualify me and you spent a pretty decent part of your life sort of trying to hide your scars so talk speak to that for everybody because I think everyone needs this is maybe one of the great life lessons you'll ever hear everybody and it may be maybe going into 2023 which is coming soon for those of you listening at this time maybe it'll be a different year for you after you hear John speak to this so go ahead John it's a lot of pressure on me so uh hopefully we live into it together Ed let's change years man for individuals the cool thing is our conversation reminds them that they can do this in their lives so like it's not my job but it is our job collectively to do this work and it is possible got eat your own potatoes yeah that's right brother when when uh you're burned as badly as I was the dream in life is not ultimately to end up on your show Ed or to become a speaker myself right my dream was to be ordinary like all I wanted out of life was to disappear and I did that for a long time for 20 years like I I started my own business but I started my own business to not interview with people because I was so um shy man I I don't like being judge so rather than being judge just do my own thing so I did that I never told anybody how I was burned I went to college and all this stuff but never told fraternity brothers or roommates what had happened to their roommate or fraternity brother it was my story my scars my past were not going there and then two things happened over the course of three days that that changed my life and this is the way the universe or God works I think if you're paying attention I'm 28 years old and in a church service on a Sunday a pastor is talking about talents yes and as a as a Midwestern I'd always known what I had one Talent intellectually you and I share that you talk about being the least intelligent in your family me too and I'm not exaggerating I'm not that intelligent I'm not that good-looking I'm not that athletic I'm not that driven all these things I'm not so I'm not I'm not talented so he says if you got five double three multiply one now he's looking at me and he talks about how you're called to do something with that talent and he gave us a pathway forward to multiply that talent to do to do something Mighty with the gifts we have even if it's only one gift do something man do something and if for those of you in the a if you've ever been in a big room but it seems like someone's looking at you when they're talking yeah like this pastor is looking at me two days later I'm working I'm doing construction at that time I ran my own development business which is hilarious to me by the way you're burned you've had amputations you don't have your fingers you decide to be in carpentry or like uh construction which I think is just another part of the story that's great but go ahead well it's ridiculous it it was the way without knowing it because I'm not that self-aware of proving to the world I'm worthy yeah but I can't prove it yet to myself when I don't recognize I'm already worthy I'm always trying to prove it to everybody else man so just look at what I'm doing now I'm building I'm on a ladder I'm earning all these things I'm proving you how normal I am but I I wasn't and I'm not I'm not confident that's for sure and on that Tuesday morning my phone rings and it's a little girl and she says Mr O would you speak at my school and Ed I've never spoken anywhere but I said yes on the heels of that conversation from Sunday where if you have one Talent multi apply it okay so I said yes to this little girl I practiced a talk for 40 hours walked in front of this room had my notes in front of me never looked up with the little monsters and that's my first gig man three Girl Scouts in St Louis County wasn't even paid with the box of Samoas so there's no income man coming out of this thing my gosh and on the walk out these little girls are hugging me which was sweet and then one of the dad says dude that was that was killer would you speak at my kuas meeting never heard of Kanas but go one of those guys was a rotarian one of those guys was a Chamber of Commerce and we just kept saying yes no goal in mind and I know your big goals got me too but the goal back then was to be open to open to yes open to and it led over time and if you want to rewind and ask more about it we can but it led to 2 200 events couple million people live tens of millions virtually by being willing to vulnerably say yes to that first group of three Girl Scouts well and also say yes to hey here's my scars here's my pain I think that you know it's been said on my show multiple times that we're most qualified to help the person we used to be and and that's awesome there's a great saying also about listen if you really want to impress people try to show them how perfect you are or normal you are to your language but if you really want to impact people reveal to them your imperfections and I don't think enough times in life we I I I want my audience to understand this your imperfections right are your pathway to you creating change in your own life and other people's lives if you'll just accept that and by the way it doesn't mean we don't work on our weaknesses what I'm saying to you is that that's what that's your special that's right when we were talking earlier about you know well my family's average and ordinary you know what I meant and I know what you meant and I'm saying that the average ordinary people like myself like you that have had something special happen in their life the irony is the pathway is their mistake is their scar is their setback and so look at that area of your life and decide what can you do with it and I'm going to tell you not all the people that win in life are 6'4 and hit you know run a 4440 and could dunk a basketball or are supermodels that's a really small group of the happy and successful people in life 99.9% of the happy and successful people in life are average an ordinary people who have done extraordinary things in very simple ways I'm curious though um didn't your parents write a book about this which is sort of what sort of again your parents kind of had to nudge you out there one way or the other this story was going to get out there or do I have the sequence incorrect no you're right and that's how the little girl heard about it so uh okay my mom and dad always wondered how their child's story would end for the parents in the room you understand what I'm talking about they're like how does this this thing go down and they weren't sure even as I'm progressing through grade school middle school high school into college and on the day you and I are recording this it's November 22nd as we record it's the anniversary of the day my wife Elizabeth Grace and I married so this is our 19th anniversary but anniversary wow D I'm honored so um they're in church the night that their son is on the altar wearing this goofy looking tuxedo that doesn't fit right and then they look behind them and they see this girl in white with brown hair and brown eyes and she's stunning she's gorgeous walking toward the Altar and then they see us take hands and my hands are broken and hers are perfect but we say I do and we kiss and we turned around and we walked down this aisle and that's the first time they recognized how the story ends it's actually just how it begins but the painful story of their of their nine-year-old son being burned in it beautifully with the beautiful lady and an incredible life in front of them so they start riding about this my dad got Parkinson's he lost his business he lost his job he lost income he Retreats home writes a little story of his life called overwhelming odds and they they write about the miracle they got when they turned this thing this hopeless story over to God and they got their son back in more ways than one so they PR a 100 copies head only 100 copies man it's the unauthorized biography of John O's life they they wrote it 100 people buy it then another hundred then another hundred they go on to sell I think 85,000 copies come on that's amazing no marketing plan no goal no Savvy out of their garage from my father's wheelchair people coming it just a beautiful gracef Story one of the copies was sold to a Girl Scout and she's the one that says after reading it would you share your story so if you take this thing all the way back like how does the universe or how does God work my dad wrote that book because he lost his gig because he had Parkinson's disease and you're you're big into using your challenges for something bigger than the day yes it's leading you somewhere man that addiction is leading you somewhere that divorce is leading you somewhere that first bankruptcy is leading you somewhere that burn at age9 is leading you somewhere quit looking at yourself as a victim to it ask yourself what you can do to redeem it so Dad gets this diagnosis writes a book has no idea that it's GNA be lead ultimately to you and me being on this podcast today my gosh but he says yes and that's the that's the key in life say yes my gosh you guys his father gets Parkinson's writes the book forces him to go speak to this little girl's group and here we are and by the way all of it go all the way back is 7:30 in the morning where he messes with his gas can and Jim saves his life it's unreal yet guys your story becomes special if you win if you win if he didn't win if he didn't marry this beautiful woman if he didn't turn his life into something then it's a totally different story story so you all get to determine you are the author you and God are the author of your own life you determine the next chapters you determine what it means and ultimately what you do with it do you eat your potatoes right determines do you want to live because I'm gonna say the other thing what made me emotional this question I want to go back man and you'll use this when you speak when your mother says do you want to die I think a lot of you need to ask yourself that question right now are you living I'm not talking much your heartbeating you know exactly what I mean there's that great saying that says most people die at 22 or 23 years old we just don't get around to burying them until they're 65 or 70 so those of you listening to this are you living do you want to die you know what I mean by that I mean do you want to live because what John's response was no Mom I want to live I don't want to die maybe it's time you ask yourself this question what does living mean to you what is your calling what is your purpose what are the scars you need to reveal what is the Redemptive story have and here's a pathway for it and I've never heard someone say this before I'm reading and I'm like man I actually said to our mutual friend who introduced us John I said man what an optimistic guy and then I'm reading your work you're like uh I don't just believe in optimism you talk about pragmatic positivity what the heck is that so the guy you mentioned is John Ruland who is just such a good man so I love wonderful wonderful human and I'm grateful he made the introduction I get in trouble a bunch by being the optimistic guy by squeezing enough lemons adding a tiny bit of sugar mixing that up with a little bit of water and having myself a delicious lemonade and people remind me how hard life is and I always say yeah and I don't run from that I don't hide from the difficulties of life but rather than just talking about how bad it is I like when people are moving toward the struggles and making it better yes so yeah am I optimistic yeah pragmatically so because what I do is rather than just looking at how bad the world is which any fool can do and they do and if you don't believe me watch your evening news tonight they will tell you how bad everything is what they miss is the Arc of History the reality is this in our individual lives and certainly in our Collective ones things are better today by a lot than they were 10 years ago shockingly better than they were 20 50 100 a thousand 10,000 give me any measurement and we are far better off today as a society than we've ever been in the history of the world so yeah we can talk about how bad the environment is and how bad things are racially and environmental like yes these things need to be redeemed we need to discuss and work to make it better and then take a deep breath and say and it is getting better and we are working to make it better not only for ourselves but for those around us so pragmatic optimism is moving forward with a heavy dose of Hope but also boed by the fact that we are doing far better today than we were yesterday and it's our job to make it better for those who come behind us see I love that see one thing when you start saying hey uh don't be a victim someone will say back to you well no you don't understand my situation um you know my dad was a drug addict or alcoholic I was burned I come from a marginalized racial Community where I am behind the eightball I don't have the opportunities you ever I I grew up poor I didn't get to go to good schools that you went to or um you know I don't look like everybody looks like and whatever that situation is what I'm saying to you is I may not understand those things and I'm going to assume you're right about about them yeah I'm assuming you're right about them in fact many of you I know you're right about them the question is is that going to define the rest of your life that's the question is that the definition of you and so accepting truth is my father was an alcoholic and a drug addict I did have a rough little time there right you were burned on 100% of your body below the neck right like okay that's true you are you were born into a group of people that have been um taken advantage of of abused whatever it might be those these things are true these are not someone's not when someone says you're not a victim they're not saying your circumstances aren't true they are true you are right the question is now what are we going to do about it is it going to be a Redemptive story and what if more and more people that were childrens of Alcoholics shared it and prevailed what if more and more people from a marginalized racial or economic or religious community shared it and won anyway isn't that sort of how it would change yes isn't that sort of how it changes otherwise it's a permanent definition of your life so am I am I would you would you second that the way that I said it it's right on the way we change the world we think it's going to be in DC or Jefferson City or Sacramento and that is part of it no doubt but the real way we make the change is you make your bed you look in the mirror you fix the hair if you have any hair left over and then you attack the day so you start in your own backyard you start at home and then you work outward from there so that's where the beach head begins and then we move onward and we do so together yeah you say in your book The in a book um ReDiscover your childlike Wonder unleash inspiration meaning and joy this has always been hard for me because my childhood was not by the way my mom listens to this Mom I had a great childhood it always bugs my mom she's like you know was it that bad no there were just elements that weren't good I come from a very loving family and my mom like your mom is a worldclass human being thank God for my mom what fascinated me about you I was doing research because you're this super positive dude people think I am too and privately people that know me very well no that doesn't come natural to me I'm sort of a natural it's a natural but like I I could very easily gravitate to be a very pessimistic person I have to work on being positive it's sort of a muscle I built and I've heard you said the same about you is that really true a guy writes all this stuff about being positive it is true it's ironic that I I do this work because I am not naturally positive I grew up in Island New York and a Jewish ataran family a lot of food a lot of guilt a lot of a lot of wine a lot of whining and so my mom was Jewish dad was an Italian New York City police officer undercover narcotics and so he was a badass and a loving guy but just probably one of the most negative people on the planet You' get up in the morning hey good morning daddy'd say what's so good about it and so I think son turns out to be you yeah so so growing up in that in that family right you grow up with more of a you know a negative mindset and not not a lot of positivity so I think naturally I just naturally have always gone towards the negative and I've had to work really hard at being positive but it's actually led me to do this work because you know I want to be more positive my wife threatened to leave me you know years ago I was 31 years old life was falling apart and she said if you don't change like we're over I am sick of this I'm not going to deal with your negativity anymore you're ruining our marriage you're ruining our life like that's it and so she gave me that ultimatum she brought the hammer down and that really began the Journey of saying okay I got to work at at changing this that's bizarre that's it's amazing to me because it's really what you're known for kind of I am too I think it gives people hope because you know I'd go to events you know even personal development events everyone's jumping up and down you know and I'm like this is just not me you know and over time I built I think a lot of people that listen to personal moment are like I don't know if I'm like all these people maybe they're just different than me we're not different than you we've built some skills up we've had some breakthroughs in our thinking for both you and I our faith is Central in that is there something specific you started to do like could you like I I've read about the there's these 5DS you teach it's sort of interconnected to this give us some some tactical some granular stuff maybe on this topic well what happened to me years ago was I actually started to take a walk of gratitude so every day I would take a thank you walk I read that yeah I read that you can't be stressed and thankful at the same time so right after my wife almost left me I started taking these walks every day it was like a 10-minute walk then a 20 minute walk and ultimately an hour walk and so I would just say what I'm thankful for and when you're doing that you're flooding your brain with these emotions and this positive energy that uplifts you rather than the stress hormones that Solly drain you so it's your brain and your body that you're doing this with and over time right you create a fertile mind that's ready for great things to happen do it one day it's not going to do a whole lot but do it for a week right think about your mind like a garden and so you do it for a week you weed the negative you feed the positive a month the garden starts to look pretty good do it for a year wow it starts to look amazing and now for me it's been over 15 years that I've been doing this and so gratitude has been the number one thing now those walks turned into walks of prayer they turn to walks of of Faith where I start to just pray surrender trust it's on those walks the ideas for these books came to me and through me I started to write these books right so it really changed my life just taking that time every day for those walks now I also believe you got to feed the positive on a daily basis and the best advice I've ever heard is from Dr James gills the only person on the planet to complete six double Iron Man triathlons that's a double Iron Man which means you do an Iron Man a day later do another one and the last time he did he was 59 years old so he was asked how he did it he said this I've learned to talk to myself instead of listen to myself he said if I listen you know I hear all the fear all the negativity all the doubt all the reasons why I can't finish this race but if I talk to myself I could feed myself with the words and the encouragement that I need to keep on moving forward now he would memorize and recite scripture that's what fueled him but I tell people all the time like you're not a Believer you could still share encouraging words for yourself and to yourself that allows you to move forward instead of listening to all the negative thoughts and you know and I know those negative thoughts are lies right they would they're they're not something we would choose for ourselves negative thoughts do not come from you when I work with professional athletes I ask them all the time hey do negative thoughts come from you and they say yeah yeah I said really who would ever choose to have a negative thought yeah would you ever choose a negative thought and they go no I wouldn't and so if you wouldn't choose it where's it coming from and so then you could teach them it's coming from Consciousness it comes from a spiritual place it's a spiritual battle and those thoughts just like When We're Dreaming or having a nightmare we're not choosing those thoughts when you're driving your car in a thought Pops in your head you didn't choose that thought but when those negative thoughts come in you do not have to listen to them don't believe the lies what you want to do is speak truth to the lies and that's what I've done over the years that like literally that truth changed my life speaking truth not listening to the negative thoughts not allowing those thoughts to condemn me to hold me back not allowing those thoughts to keep me from being who God has called me to be and in doing that you walk in that truth you walk in that power and that changes everything boy that's so I want to unpack that that was that's one of those things sometimes on the show lat I've had this tendency of me okay go rewind like go listen to that again that's that's a that's a double listener one a couple things you said there I just want to kind of confirm and and and tell you that one I've always said you know you don't have to believe everything you think everything you're saying thinking is true the second thing is when you're on these walks and you're you're beginning to take control of what you're looking for it's part of your brain is I know you know this but I'm just sharing this with the audience it's called the reticular activating system which is it's the filter of your life it's what you see things through so if you were growing up in a pessimistic environment where the negatives are you've been programmed to see hear feel think things that are negative when you begin to take control of these thoughts these words you say you're literally reprogramming the filter for your life it's a very real thing it's changing the Matrix of your life and God gave you that reticular activating system so it's connected to your spirituality the third thing I just want to tell you brother that's so awesome is talk um one thing I've never shared on the show but I talk to myself I mean like out loud like a crazy person when you were a little boy or a little girl most of you you talk to yourself a lot like if I walked in your bedroom and you were alone you know this you're all nodding you were talking to yourself there's power in that children understand that there's a spiritual connection to the spoken word it's a prayer to this day I still do it I got to tell you this really quick and I'll go to my next question but it just happened and I do this a lot I mean like like a little boy I talk to myself still like a crazy person I'll even interview myself I know that sounds nuts but it's I take control of my words I'm I'm at a gas station about three weeks ago I'm pumping gas and I went into my little thing where I'm talking to me there's this guy that pulls up in a car and he's staring at me I'm not paying any attention I'm still talking to myself and the guy of walks by me looks at me goes Ed I'm in the middle of talking to myself like literally like a delusional person he's thinking and it's it was a good friend of mine from college we hadn't seen each other in 25 years he's like I'm so proud of what you're doing how you doing brother I'm like this dude just literally caught me with the proverbial pants down of talking to myself but I don't give a crap it works and so I want to acknowledge what John said there what um you've written so many books on so many things but I guess I want to ask you in that the thinking realm but as it connects to leadership you mentioned a minute ago John speaks to all kinds you know davo Sweeney Clemson football who I think you know he and Sabin arguably are the two greatest you know Urban Meer my good friend if he's listening to this you're there too Urban but you're not active so dbo Sweeney is arguably the greatest college football football coach in the world one of the two you worked with the ners you've worked with all kinds of different professional sports teams what is something about a guy like davo Sweeney or these Elite coaches what do they do in their environment that's different that you see as a leader it's the way they build their culture and it's the way that they lead I mean you cannot separate the leader from the culture it's the leader that drives the culture so who stirs the pot determines what is in the pot and it's the love that he put puts into it it's the energy it's the passion the drive it's the Quest for excellence that leads that program that creates success like Dabo is incredible one of the greatest leaders I've ever been around not just a football coach but a leader and he leads with such optimism and belief and Faith when he got that job he literally brought in two signs to his meeting one was believe and the other one was I can't with the TAC crossed out he knew that Clemson always had talent but they didn't have belief and so he was able to instill that belief in his program and after every every practice he gives a speech to his team it's like a brainwashing session where every day he's like we're the best we're going to do this and he's always instilling belief in his team so leadership is a transfer of belief and so every day he's transferring his belief to his team and then you can see how they start to believe over time it's incredible now he also leads with love and accountability like That's essential the greatest leaders lead with both love and accountability the combination of the two too much accountability not enough love you're always driving you're always pushing and a lot of leaders do that and eventually you will burn your team out and they will tune you out and so you have to make sure that you are leading with love first they have to know you care about them you're encouraging them you you believe in them you're supporting them but then you hold them accountable to the standards to the culture to the quality of what you expect this program to be in this culture to be about and so it's the combination of the two again too much love you're a wonderful family everyone gets along but you're not allowing them or causing them to be great you're actually holding them back if you have too much love not enough accountability because if you really love someone you won't let them settle for anything but their best so so great coaches are always relentlessly focusing on the culture with their principles their standards and they're constantly loving their players investing in them and also holding them accountable to what they expect and the standards of the program do you think in his case that um and in other leaders cases he's bold about his faith with I assume his team too because he does this publicly and I wonder if you just speak to that for a minute I'm a real believer that people want to know what you stand for and they don't even have to necessarily agree with what you stand for but they want you to be a definable person because I think it creates trust that they at least know who you are am I right outside looking it looks to me like he's bold about his faith with his team and they know what he stands for he's very bold and they do know what he stands for and he does lead with his faith and a lot of guys on the team aren't Believers and that's okay with him like he he's not here to to convince anyone he just lives his faith and they feel his faith and so a lot of guys actually come to Faith by being part of that program but he's not driving that in in any inappropriate way but he does lead with faith and it is contagious and they know what he stands for I mean he is very clear what he stands for and everyone thinks okay he's this positive guy and he has fun all the time you know no there is a drive towards Excellence with him and if you are not giving your best he will call you out I've been in meetings I've been at practices where man you wouldn't think D was very positive based on that practice but he is driving that person and that player and that team to be great so he's got the combination oh and also he's really big on relationships like he says hey we have a process like Sabin Nick Sabin he has a process Alabama is all about the process dab is like we have relationships that drive the process we are relationships first and then that drives our process to be successful so good so so good I love the insight about special leaders and and I know you know everyone he's being humble but he's worked with that program for quite a long time John has so obviously coach Sweeney has a a level of trust in belief in you that he's transferred as well you got to tell him this because it's one of the best things I've ever heard in my life I know it's not yours but in terms of being a leader developing leaders the carrot egg coffee bean you got to tell this guys get ready man I just love this story Damon West and I met through dabos Sweeney Damon had just spoken to the team and I show up and dabos Sweeny said to me hey we just had this guy Damon West speak and he talked about the carrot the egg and the Coffee Bean and Dabble literally starts to reenact Damon's talk for me like in his office it's hilarious and he starts going through it and as he starts teaching me the carrot the egg and the Coffee Bean I'm like man that is an incredible story and so we decided to write a book based on that I called up Damon I said hey this needs to be a book I had a vision for it immediately as dbo was tell telling me about it and it's really simple when you put a carrot into boiling hot water what happens to the carrot it gets softened it gets weakened by its environment you put an egg into boiling hot water what happens to the egg it gets hardened right and so we can be like the carrot when we are dealing with hot water difficult situations tough circumstances like we're dealing with right now we can crumble from the inside out we can allow the fear the anxiety the stress to get the best of us or we can become hardened bitter angry frustrated where we just don't care anymore and a lot of people right now are just saying I don't care or they're just angry so we can be like both we don't want to be like either though we want to be like is the Coffee Bean you put that coffee bean into boiling H water what happens it transforms the water into coffee it transforms the environment it's not impacted by its environment instead it transforms its environment and that is our opportunity that is our power that is our charge every day as positive leaders as positive teammates we can impact the environments we're in we don't have to be the victim of our circumstance I know you teach a lot about this and I love the way you teach it we can actually transform our situation transform our environment and in doing so that's that's how we're going to impact the world pessimists don't change the world naysayers say you can't do it complainers about complain about problems but they don't solve them we know that throughout history it's the positive leaders the Believers the dreamers the doers who have the greatest impact and it's all about being a coffee bean be like the coffee bean I wish I knew that story when my kids were younger because I'd have told them it over and over and over again and said like the Coffee Bean I'd have said that a thousand times to my kids it's so good when I heard it man it wasn't for me got to give Damon all the credit he heard it from a guy named Mr Jackson in prison that's a whole other story of Mr Jackson who told him this story that's how he survived prison gets out in seven years was a 65 years sentence he had gotten addicted to meth and was burglarizing homes then he gets out in seven years that I just want to be useful God calls him to go to speak to these teams davo gives him a shot he's the only coach who gave him a shot when he asked like hundreds of coaches d game masan and now he's impacting Alabama Georgia all these teams it's been pretty good and then I've been able to share this story and this message with a lot of teams I was just I was with Jay Glazer last night we were talking about his impact with the veterans coming back from the from the war and the depression they deal with and think about that when you're dealing with all this adversity all these challenges this simple analogy can help you overcome and like you said with kids Man kids need this message now more than ever yeah the other thing you teach is a word for the year tell them about this like what I love about John guys is you know a lot of people that talk on leadership or being positive it's just statements you have actionable things people can do so tell them about that for a second yeah because it's all about the action right words without action lead to nothing right so we make so I don't think that was very profound but I think it's true right and so if you don't have action you can't get things done so so yeah what this one word again good friends of mine Dan and Jimmy they've been doing it for over 20 years now now they told me about how every year they pick a word for the year so we wrote a book called one word that will change your life and we've been working with all these things every year Dabo picks his word Sean McVey picks his word I worked with the Dodgers they picked their word it's really cool when a team does it and that word is meant to fuel you for the year it gives you meaning and Mission passion and purpose so in January great time to do it you pick your word for the year that you're going to focus on and that word becomes like a rally and cry it becomes something that you could focus on and zoom focus on to to win each day so words for me have been like serve and and rise and surrender I'll never forget the word surrender it was a tough year but that word came up for me and God always gives me a word I always say pray on your word say I'm open and that word will come I've had atheist friends say they were just open and said okay I'm open and the word just came and the more you're open the word will come for you that is meant for you and then that word will shape you and mold you to be who you're meant to be that year my word was heart this year here and I got to tell you with everything happening I went back to that word in terms of I want to lead with heart I want to love with all my heart I want to speak from the heart right and I feel like I've been more powerful than ever than in just focusing on that and really coming from the heart instead of just you know going through the motions instead of being tired and and allowing the the circumstances to drain you right just come with that heart and it's been an incredible year in terms of all the adversity we're facing but but the heart has has taken me through it how have you done with that I'm just curious I mean everybody just so you know I mean John has businesses but he's a speaker right and so right oh yeah I mean this has been a difficult time I mean this is not like you know mamsy pamy fluffy stuff we're talking about here John's had to apply these things I'm just curious if you had if you had a bunch of down days what do you do when you have them and what's it been like for you man Ed that's such a great question because when it first hit I I have to admit I had a down couple of days I was like what is going on my world was shook because you know I don't have uh a financial company like you have in terms of that that background I really have put everything into my writing and speaking I sold my businesses to focus 100% on this so we were doing a lot of Consulting and training and speaking and everything just sort of dried up and so I was talking to a Navy SEAL named Chad right former Navy SEAL I don't know if you know Chad but we were talking and and and he said you know a lot of guys don't make it through hell week and they don't make it through hell week to to be a Navy SEAL because they're longing for it to be over they're dreaming for it to end he said the ones who make it just want to make it to breakfast and when he told me that I knew I had the recipe for winning during this time it was to win today to not worry about tomorrow but just win today so I woke up every day just saying okay I'm gonna stay positive I'm gonna try to encourage other people and I'm gonna get better every day and I'm gonna reach out to clients and whoever reaches out to me I'm gonna help them and I had so many people reach out I reached out to various clients I spoke to the Timberwolves and various teams and coaches and Fortune 500 companies and had these incredible conversations with the leaders it's amazing how many things came my way as a result of that attitude I had an incredible year financially I have to admit I don't want to I don't want to um because I know a lot of people haven't so I don't want to yeah brag about I want to brag on God because I really believe that my faith grew so much during that time because I was humbled because I had nowhere to go but to pray and I really said God I trust in you whatever your plan is I trust I'm going to serve and I went back to my rookie mindset when I first started doing this years ago when I went on a book tour to 28 cities where five people showed up and 10 people showed up and 20 people showed up the most people we had were 100 people in De Mo Iowa they thought Jeff Gordon was coming that's why they showed up and that's not a joke that is a true story they think they're getting a NASCAR driver and you show up I love it yeah and uh I I came home and it wasn't a great tour it was my beginning right Energy Bus had just come out took five years for The Energy Bus to be a bestseller now really yeah now it sold over two million copies but five years back then and I remember that time so I went back to that time and I just said show up be a cof be make a difference and it was amazing all the events that happened all the virtual Keynotes all the all the clients that I helped all the free stuff I did I did a ton of free stuff to serve and then to see that come back tfold see people always think right you have to go out there with the idea of okay how much money can I make and yes we're here to make money because you have to make profit to be able to to have an existing business to have a growing business to help others right but I have found that if you love serving care if you truly love serve and Care your business will exponentially grow and I was returned to that rookie mindset where that was my focus a lot of trust a lot of prayer and my faith grew so deep during that time where I truly relied on God for what was going on and it's amazing what happened so I'm going to write about more about it because there's so much more to share I don't want to share it because what people are going through but there's so many more things that happened where I just saw it wasn't me I just saw that it was an incredible Miracle of all the things that happened yeah we both have that thank you for sharing that we both have that in common where we're both very aware of uh how average ordinary we are and how great God has been to both of us we're gonna we're going to get to your faith in a minute but before that nurse David nurse has been on my show mutual friend we I want to go back to that beginning because you touched on the topic he's like you got to ask him about being an international speaker in the very beginning like this is awesome for people that are startup entrepreneurs or that want to change their Identity or change their life this is just awesome right here remember context guys spoken in front of millions of people sought after by professional sports teams in all different sports 23 some odd books millions of books sold you know made tons of money doing this impacted all these people he was an international speaker I was cracking up when I heard this yeah so we went from all these cities 28 cities and so Daniel Decker who I'm sure you know Daniel Daniel basically was calling all these different cities and radio stations hey John Gordon's coming yeah he's internationally known he's he's internationally known I had one friend in London and The Energy Bus had become a huge hit in South Korea you know not North Korea but South Korea was like this big hit not in the US but for some reason in in South Korea became a hit we were saying internationally known my publisher was calling me the David Hasselhoff of Korea because no one was reading my book in the US but I was huge in South Korea oh hadn't you only been out of the country like on a one week vacation or something like that at that time no yeah I didn't even went to I never even went to South Korea I can't explain what why it took off but so we were saying internationally known and everywhere went they're like they would interview me hey John Gordon's here he's internationally known and so uh so that was the beginning tour that we went on and uh you know you look back on that you're right it's like hey you gotta believe it I'm not a big believer in fake it to you make it I'm a big believer and believe it because you belong believe it because what you believe determines what you create and so I was believing it yeah I think I just I'm not kidding you I may have torn AB right there at least I pulled it for sure laughing um you know I don't believe in fake it to you make it either but what I do believe in is creating a frame for yourself that's new a new frame that you live in a new character that you're going to be and as long as you're authentic and have those standards and there's congruency guess what he's become an international speaker he's become an internationally well-known author so it's very very true well we've been kind of building up to this and it's one of the things I've been fascinated to ask you personally too so as I understand the story you you've said openly hey I wasn't a great of a husband for many many years and or at least for a few years I guess and um you were your wife gives you this ultimatum but we wouldn't be doing a John Gordon interview if we wen't weren't talking about faith and how that's impacted your life and changed your life so how did you come to your faith and in general to begin with what does it mean to you yeah it's everything to me and while I work with all these companies and sports teams that I'm not always actively right talking about my faith at events and things like that it is what drives me and it's the Cornerstone of of my life it's my Foundation because for years I didn't have faith and for years I struggled with fear and anxiety and stress and I tried all these things and I practiced Buddhism and I did meditation and I was a big I was I was really big into Buddhism and and New Age philosophy and Deepak chobra and did all of that years ago my wife and I were really into that and it helped me along the way it was part of my spiritual journey so I never poo poo it I believe everyone is on a journey and it was a big part of of who I was and helped me become who I was meant to be but there came a point where I couldn't deal with the pain and the burden and the wounds that I had felt of the past and the anxiety and all the things that were holding me back from being who I was meant to be and then Daniel Decker gave me a a sermon from Irwin mcmanis that really spoke to me I know you had Irwin on on your podcast and Irwin didn't even know him but his message the way he spoke about Jesus really spoke to me and for the first time I heard the voice of Jesus for the first time it spoke to my heart now I had always grown up you know again Jewish mom is Jewish and Jesus was Jewish but he was a a prophet he was a great teacher he wasn't a savior but when I heard Irwin's message I remember saying to God God if there is something to this Jesus I'm open I'm open just show me the signs and then everywhere I went I started seeing signs I would meditate and see a glowing cross and it was unbelievable I can't explain it I would see a glowing cross and I'm driving down to Orlando and as I'm driving looking to the left I heard this audible it said look and I turned to the right and there's a huge sign that said Jesus Is The Answer crazy so I come back I go to see this Buddhist energy healer I was having problems with my stomach and this guy was great Don Van vet and I go to see Don and I tell Don about these signs he's like oh yeah he goes well I'm a Buddhist I'm trying to attain Enlightenment on my own I want to see if I can do it by myself he said but with with Jesus all you do is believe and receive you see he takes your heavy vibrational energy he takes your soul pain he goes Christians call it sin he goes you can't connect to a perfect harmonious energetic God if you have heavy vibrational energy I wrote The Energy Bus I always saw the world in terms of energy that's what spoke to me I said can I take someone else's Soul pain he said can you handle your own I walked out of there believing in a Gody that would want to take my burden my pain and he said Christianity is like spiritual cheating which is funny spiritual cheating he said all you do is believe and receive so I walked out of there saying okay I'm going to believe and it's so crazy I started to believe and then I started to receive and I didn't have all the answers but I just said God strengthen my faith and God brought one teacher one person one book after another in my life and I gotta tell you it changed my heart it changed my soul changed me as a husband changed me as a man I started writing books after that the energy bus came after that and I've written all these books literally in less than four weeks about three and a half weeks each book takes to write and I got to give all credit to God I'm not I'm not the author just the pen and these ideas come to me like literally downloads and then I just start writing them and the fact that they've sold four and a half million copies you know I got to give all glory to to him in in doing that and I I know that I am nothing without my faith without my relationship and it's in that surrender in that trust in that prayer of use me for your purpose guide me towards my purpose that's when God started to use me to do this work so to try to St do it on my own I I just just can't go in that direction because I know it's not me and when I wrote the garden God revealed the 5Ds to me of what everyone's going through right now with fear and anxiety I wrote this during December 25th to January 8th I finished it January 8th not knowing a pandemic was coming and yet this book talks about it's a spiritual fable about overcoming fear Stress and Anxiety of what everyone's going through doubt discouragement Distortion lies right fear is a liar negative thoughts distractions and division more division than ever right about these 5DS and that's what's playing out right now and then he gave me the blueprint on how to overcome so it just got it just shows you that's like one example of of just the ideas and how they come I write these books and then they come out and I know that's what I'm here to do was there an experience early in your life that put you on this path that you're on like how do you become you is there's something that happened no no nothing special happened usually people come on spiritual path that some drastic either tragedy or an incident has happened none of those with me from my childhood I knew I came for doing some work you knew as a little boy did you have some special uh insights or feelings into people I think we all have these gifts right you said Mind's to communicate or motivate but certain people in certain areas I believe are born with an abundance of one or more of those things so I probably was born with maybe a proclivity to communicate or speak oh yeah yeah right and so yours was did did you see every child has that you know right we all have the joy we have all B every baby comes to this world as as a bundle of joy bundle of pleas and people on the course of days years they lose it I didn't lose it I'm holding on to it you've held on to yours look at how joyful you are you laugh a lot you you I just feel like there's a lot of people that would listen to this and go I don't know what mine is though so I I think I think you would agree with me I think a lot of people it's good you know it's good to say I don't know about myself rather than putting a label on yourself about all your limitations or you know do you think well that's good to know because I think you just gave a lot of people a little break right there that they're like okay maybe it's good that I don't know but it wouldn't be good to end your life at the end and never figure out what it was right so it might be okay right now not to know because that creates curiosity but nobody wants to get to 110 years old and go I never figured out my purpose right nobody wants to get to there yeah so is there is there a a way that someone begins no first the first step is to say acknowledge that I don't know about myself or my abilities I may have many abilities that takes you out of your limited identity with which you are crushing yourself or limiting your uh growth or limiting your um expression of abilities that you are endured with MH and second step is to say I can do whatever I I decide to do whatever I wish to do I I think more people I got to say something to you about that I want to talk to you about this like I'm just neverone gets to listen into you and I talking for a minute this isn't for everybody else I've realized in me lately I don't know if it's growth or just change but the parts of me I think you need to check in on yourself from time to time and up and audit what matters now compared to before so when I was a young man I wanted to be successful and influential and achieve and and um whatever all that comes with that probably Rich right probably have money even though I never really thought a lot about that and then I got to a stage in my life that I think I'm in now where my real Mission and goal is just to contribute as much as I can to other people but there's this other part of me that now feels that he needs a time of rest and rediscovery and recuperation and it's an interesting thing for me because all of my friends are still like one of the other two versions of me and so I'm GNA do this I'm GNA write this book where's your new book at you haven't written your next book and and there's this part of my spirit that's just saying No this is and I don't know that I've done it yet but like right now I feel like I'm supposed to be resting and recovering and recuperating a little bit and it's very foreign to me because I've never allowed myself to think that before or feel those things before and I really want to turn inward right now and I feel like I'd be more valuable to other people going forward if I turned introspective and inward for a while yet I have nobody in my circle who's at that stage it's not like I've grown out of something I've just morphed changed no this is very interesting and it's essential thing to to check the burnout M you see activity and rest they go hand in hand it's not that you first achieve success and then one day you will come and rest rest will help you to achieve things in much more effortless and efficient manner yeah what you would put you know yourself so much and still your success is less that that means that you have not rested enough you have not taken that inner look right see so they are complimentary they appear to be opposite but they're compliment now there are two types of Joy one joy is you achieve something you success when you get something you have you're happy okay right and you get a present on the Christmas Eve or your birthday and then you are all curious to open it and you know there is a joy in getting that's an infant Joy we have all grown with that Joy mhm but there is another joy that comes to you when you give yeah the joy of a grandmother I often say the joy of a grandfather grandmother is in when they give to the kids and the in the joy of them they find their own Joy yes so we have to grow from the joy of grabbing and getting to Joy of giving contributing that would bring immense satisfaction and it will it is restful too you're right that was really good right there that was really really good right there you also say don't sit around an analyze yourself too much which I think is interesting coming from a guru right like you don't sit around too much because does that mean if you you just become so self-involved if you analyze too much your own life that can almost become it almost becomes an ego thing what do you mean when you say that cuz I think I think there's a community of people I think you would agree with me there's a bunch of people in the world that are just go go go go go and they don't take any time whatsoever to give themselves the gift of self-reflection analysis then there's another group of people that all they're doing is analyzing themselves constantly and they're not getting around to doing a whole lot right it's like chewing the it's like chewing gum you're chewing it and not getting anything out of it it's so old patterns and thoughts and they come and they go you know it's just in a field places impact you people impact your thought process and all that and why do you have to analyze so much and identify yourself with those thought yeah you know you don't need to do that I said just move on just keep moving keep moving so you talk about this guy last year who won the Nobel Prize in physics and basically his overall belief system was none of this is real right so we I want you to talk about this because it's kind of the guy with a Nobel Prize in physics and it's basically his conclusion as three scientists three of them said that tell us about that tell us about that well this has been said in ancient philosophy long time back you know the world is like a dream it's unreal what is real is within you so realize that something in you which doesn't change and you will realize everything else is uh temporary the fact stays on your face and nothing is permanent see thoughts are not there all the time our thoughts are not you know and emotions are changing our body is changing you get wrinkles you get whatever bak and all that you do still it is changing right you're right you um you've lived an amazing life and I'm curious what do you believe is on the other side of this that's a surprise let us keep some surprise why do you want to know everything right away right right so you're okay with not knowing every element of it I don't need to analyze that I know because that MH you know when you go deep within yourself you know that there is something that is that goes from life to life but don't you think that that's the here's why I ask it I think it's the I think it's the primary question that human beings live with since the day they were born is what does this mean is this real that's good that that's a good question to have this question uh helps us like a vehicle to move where we want to go the spiritual journey we should not be in a hurry to find an answer for it who am I what do I want where do I go what's the purpose of my life these questionss removes all the cobwebs on our path it makes our it brings Clarity and direction to where we want to go I usually say go with negation if you are confused about the purpose of your life now list out what is not the the purpose of your life the purpose of your life is not to be miserable and make others miserable not to be greedy and just get swayed Away by someone else mistakes yes and you know other thing I say is anger is a punishment you give it to yourself or someone else mistake man is that the truth you know I got to tell you something I never thought I would say that durv and Matthew mccon share a similar belief system but you know the actor Matthew mccon he was just on my Show recently and we were talking about trying to figure out who you are and what your identity is and he goes well I think you ought to start with who you're not what am I not okay and it's almost identical to what you just said and so he said it with a totally different accent than you and a completely different background but it's this it's a very similar conclusion I actually really work on celebrating and the reason is is that I want to convince my neurochemistry frankly that this is worth doing again how do you do it I love life hacks cuz I I even with the book on the way here I was like you know what I'm going to do I haven't experienced the joy of having a book in an airport and I used to fantasize about this moment and yet I haven't done it so I went in the book and I waited for somebody to walk by the section it was a woman and she slowed enough I said hey do you read these kinds of books and she said I never would bother reading these books I'm like okay let's do has she well I read a Tom M Happ so I'm like hey you might want to buy I go to her said can I buy you my book and she said absolutely and I and then she asked me where I'm from she's from the same neighborhood oh she's my neighbor and I'm like this must be the universe trying to reinforce the attempt but how do You' experienced Joy well my experience of joy is very similar to what you just said for some reason for me it's the reflection in other human beings eyes Hearts messages Etc I allow myself to accept those compliments now whereas before I'm like yes thank you but you don't know I could have done better and so I would Rob myself from I could have done better thing and now I accept that what I did was the best I could do in that moment and I allow myself to feel uh the Embrace from other people I gain I've learned in my life I gain significance I feel significant when I contribute to the lives of other people so I found my recipe so I don't Rob myself from that the other thing I do is I allow myself to celebrate now they're not long Windows of Celebration I'm not any good at that yet but when something great happens I'm good at having a cigar or a bottle of wine or a dinner with people or saying wow and reflecting for a moment and I've I've built that muscle of bliss I talk about something called blissful dissatis action people can flate Bliss and ha happiness and satisfaction they think oh if I allow myself to have a bunch of happiness or Bliss I'm G to I'm going to lose my drive I'm going to lose the recipe so because I've kept myself in Misery all my life if I just stay in misery I'll keep achieving I found not to be true I've actually found that as I finally started to celebrate so I do that with reflection I do that with uh receiving the Gratitude from other people um also for me we talked before we came on about my faith for me every time it happens just my personal thing is to go just thank you Lord like I man you're working in my life again so it's an acknowledgement that it's not just me and that I'm somehow glorifying a power greater than myself for me that's Jesus for whatever anybody listening to that that's fine I'm not here to convert you today but what I am saying to you is that it's a it's a validation of my faith that there's something greater in life than just me or just this time here and that's really the that is that part that last part is the part that I've realized brings me a bliss I'm always wondering why do I like to be surrounded by a pain or you know I can't handle small talk and yet when somebody brings up you know pain or suffering you know I get animated and I realized I I like to be reminded about my smallness and irrelevancy of all things it's very peaceful it and and I had the most incredible experiences of the last year and a half meeting with Pope Francis at the Vatican yeah my these these um um private visits with the Pope to talk about refugees and human rights and then I went to a ref PG Center in Italy and it was meeting with what I would believe are my versions of LeBron James like a dad who would go through you know figuring out how to flee in a trunk of a car to give his family a better life and I always look at refugees and migrants and think we ask you know why are they coming here instead of what are they running from and but I realized what is it about me that takes such peace and joy of being around that because it reminds me that oh this just doesn't matter the the stuff the accolades you know the attention what really matters is alleviating suffering like you saw in that little apartment yeah in Queens and so like I went when I before I went to see the Pope I was like I'm such a bad Catholic I I really feel like I need to unburden myself I said can you send an emissary for me so that I can do confession like great and I was like but it needs to be really close like three steps from God you know like I have need someone high up I need someone really high up and I meet with the I beet with it's in the book but I meet with the scalabrin are the order that takes care of refugees and Mig greant and I was like that will do and they send the head the head of the father leer to meet me Little Italy and we meet for 3 hours it was like the books opened up I mean because when somebody is that high up in the church they actually have phds and it's all this collected wisdom and I was unburdening myself tears are flowing and I was like you know I don't agree with this and it's like it's okay my child you were given free will you know it's like everything had the right Jedi answer but then I was talking about the shame I was carrying uh this isn't the book was just getting started and I and I was saying I don't know how to deal with that and I don't know I don't know why I keep trying to he's like number one you're trying to go back and save your mother but the way to save your mother is to save those save others you know what I mean and but then also tells me the story of a of a diamond ring it's like let me tell you a story of a diamond there was a diamond and it slipped off of one's finger and it went into the sewer and for years there is where it remained covered in SL sludge and mud until one day a little boy was playing in the street and his ball went down to that sewer and he saw it and him and his dad came out and they put a little you know hang her down they were able to bring it back up and it was dirty and whatever and they washed it off and there was a beautiful diamond he's like no matter how much sludge and mud we cover ourselves up we were always a diamond and it was so I had there's the point to that story is only having gone to the Vatican and spending time around when I'm not particularly religious I real oh I I I need to be reminded of the irrelevancy of all these other things I want to stay in that place of a 16-year-old boy to witness suffering and powerlessness because that is more important than anything in my life any possession and anything I'll ever do so but the achievement having said all of that y the achievement and the success gives you the platform to reach those people and that's why it's important and that's why sometimes people say well that means I don't have to achieve anything wrong no The Authority I say I'm collecting Authority the book is just my resume is an incoherent collection of authority to reach people at despar places oh you admire people on TV well I'm on shark tag you admire wealth I have a lot of things you admire Sports I ran a few of those y but I I I I truly mean it it is a degree calculated because not no one of these things particularly resonate but collectively they give me the authority to rewind the clock you're 100% And by the way what you've discovered and I've discovered is what every human being who finds some measure of bliss discovers is that you were put here to help contribute to the lives of other people that's really why you were put here in your own very unique and beautiful way and sometimes for achiever we're the last to figure that out sometimes often it's people that work in a church or someone who's dedicated their life like my sister to being a school teacher she figured this out a lot sooner than I did and although I've got a lot more money than her she's had a lot more Blissful moments and ious moments in her life and so sometimes us Achievers it takes us longer to figure it out however when we do we have a platform and a stage and a reach that can make an impact that's even more Monument I went I was with Warren Buffett once uh at he he came to a Dolphins game and uh got to spend a whole day with him walking around and I got to ask him about you know compounding interest and all a lot of his views but one of them I had asked him about um how did he handle waiting until later in his life to make those big contributions to philanthropy yeah and he told me I took a lot of criticism for that and I and I would struggle with it but in my mind I thought going back to compounding that the ability for me to compound that money in my possession would mean that there would be a lot more of it to distribute by the time I got to the end I sort of thought that was fast because I'm sure you feel this about accomplishment right I'm a human being I have aspirations and Ambitions I want to keep playing with my capacity and my potential so I want to keep creating and then I want to also ameliorate suffering and sometimes they can feel a tension so it's like what I've tried to say is I'm allowed to be in about my boundaries I I don't have to be a saint but and I'm still accumulating power and resources while redistributing concurrently and then it's okay right I still because you know how sometimes I always say I'm not here to go on a rescue mission I'm here to make a trajectory change in your life very good you know a deposit very good but don't ask me to take custody over you you know well that the word custody is really powerful and I'm going to use it after today because I think a lot of times people are waiting for somebody to take custody over their life they're waiting for the government to do it they're waiting for one seminar they're going to go to or one book they read and is good as my book is and as good as your book is they still have to take custody of their lives and and waiting for someone to come along and save you you will be waiting until the day you die it's true and hopefully you've done well enough in your life that you are saved having said [Music] all n

Channel: Ed Mylett

Views: 23,448

Keywords: ed mylett, mylett, power of one more, maxout, mindset, happiness

Id: wXknjzVatkE

Length: 139min 21sec (8361 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 09 2023