Vivien: Born into Scientology

I got in Scientology cuz my parents were in Scientology before I was born and my mom was on staff when I was born did you go to Scientology schools when when you were a child no no so you you were with a lot of CH other children who weren't scientologists yeah the only thing which I can say is uh when it came up that I was a Scientologist um it was like that the teachers were aggressive to me and they were like telling the other childrens the other yeah the other students in the class that I was a criminal person and um that I should get penalties and um that I shouldn't be in that school and I should leave the school and um my parents came and they gave them the book what is Scientology and um it didn't take a week and that book came to the director of the school and he was reading book he was like really studying like Scientology says if you don't understand a word clear it up in the dictionary you know if you have a not lack of mass do demonstrations you know if you have um a too high gr gr gradient yeah gradient you go back to that point where you have understood everything and you have no problems anymore so that's what he did so then I was like he he was hiding me um when any person was trying to um to hit me or something like that so he backed you up there yeah yeah so you grew up studying Alon hubbert's works and and you thought elron Hubbert was a great he was a God he was like for me he was my God if you had a problem would you turn to I was turning to um the books what he read and did they help you well for example the ethics book I was trying to do the conditions and I was trying to do the conditions but it's nothing was really changing on that point I was I was always thinking well nothing changed with me I'm not a free PE I'm not a free person but I was doing the conditions what did you think was wrong with you that you were trying to improve well in the ethics book it's um there stated if somebody um if somebody doesn't want help or if somebody gets help and um you still have the feeling that he um that he's not getting helped and there's not no change and he has no WIS and everything he's a surp passive person so at that point I was really thinking I was a suppressive person were you worried about that yeah and now you are a suppressive person are you worried about that no not anymore all right they ask me um do you want to help to clear the word and I said yes I want to help to clear the word I want to have I want that every single person who is Criminal to get something penal some penality so um they don't do the same things again so um they told me well you're on the right place you you have to go to theork and you do some stuff you do mess work before and then you do courses six courses and I said okay well what kind of mess work do I do and they said well you going to clean the toilets and um 2 days later I was on the EPF and um the first just one and a half weeks I was crying every single day I was like really crying cuz I was missing my parents and um I spoke to my parents about three times a day at that point I didn't go to school I did about 8 and a half eight or nine months I was doing mess work and doing the EPF and U I had pain like everywhere in my body I couldn't I couldn't work anymore so I didn't do the mass work I didn't continue the mess work I started working in the um in the qual office and um and then the captain of as UK she was saying um delene delene I just know the delene that's what her name is and um she went to the qual qual saac and told them listen she has to go on Master work to do the real EPF or otherwise she has to go back to Germany so he was asking me if I want to continue the master work I said no I'm not going to continue the master work I want to go home to my parents were you surprised that you had to clean toilets things of that um I was really surprised to clean I wasn't surprised to clean the toilets I was e even I was more surprised what kind of mess work I had to do cuz one kind of mess work I did was um um you know St Hill right a little bit I I I know of it I've never been there okay well um you know there s here is St Mana where everyone Hab has lived and there is the castle and here is um here's the hill and here's the lake and um everything which comes from the toilets goes through the lake through a pipe and that pipe was broken so me as an aper I had to take the from the toilets out from the lake with a jumpsuit right and with my hands and I couldn't believe that I should do that or like building castles how many people were doing that with you was we were four people four people M and you did this for how long for one and a half weeks and and did anyone protest did anyone I protest I said I'm not going to do that and he said well if you're not going to do that then um you're not following the you're not following the um yeah mhm how do you say that in English but you're you know you're not following what I say right you're not following orders orders exactly you're not following my order so um you're at ethics you have to go to ethics I said okay well I'm going to follow your order and I'm going to do that but no one was concerned that that about possible illness no um if you're ill you're pts and you have out ethics so if you're ill it's your fault it's not it's not bacteria in the craft you're you're carrying around exactly because you did out ethics you had you have ows so the only reason why you can go pts on somebody or something you have ows so you did this for a week and a half yeah and what else did they have you doing well I build the Stables uh build them you you were out there with hammers and Nails exactly or I was um I was raking you know in s Hill everything everywhere is grass yes so we were raking all grass in St Hill oh we were sweeping the whole way which is going through the Sint Hill which is when did you start in the morning when did you stop I start in the morning at 8:00 and I stopped working at about about 17 yeah about 5:00 in the afternoon and then I went at 6:00 on study okay you studied for how long till 10:00 and uh was this schedule difficult for you it was difficult cuz uh I had the feeling that I'm not getting enough sleep I was always tired and uh the food over there was beans and rice that's all you ate um not all the time sometimes we had salad sometimes we had potatoes but the potatoes was there was too much salt on the potatoes or the salad they there was like there was not enough salt or not enough Pepper or or oil or or yeah did you have meat um we had sometimes meat sometimes sometimes but not very often and and how many meals a day did you have once in the morning in the afternoon and in the evening and uh and for for breakfast what would you normally have um sometimes we had toast cheese toast or we had um eggs okay or sometimes we didn't have enough time to eat breakfast and then you're really so you go without breakfast and you'd be out there working all day long but your other two meals in the day were ordinarily what you said before you know rice and beans and cage well rice and beans came when the uh when huk didn't have didn't make enough money basically they are doing the money so and if they're not doing enough money the whole crew whole Saint Hill crew gets food except CMO and clo and the rest get shit's food so because the org was down stat you suffered exactly did it make you want to work harder yeah did did you feel it was right that you would be penalized like that no I had the feeling um you know if the crew auk is not making enough money it's not my fault cuz they have they that that's their job to make the money it's not my job to make the money my job wasn't to do the Masterwork to go and study did you did you express that that to people no if I would have no um some other person did that and um that person went to ethics so you saw somebody punish and that silenced you exactly but this uh this mess work was first couple of weeks you said or eight months eight eight months yeah I did that eight months before you were worthy of joining the seor um the first time I didn't really join the seor cuz you have to finish the EPF and you finish if and if you don't finish the EPF you're not starting to be a SE member you're not a SE member before you haven't finished the EPF so the second time when I went on the EPF I um I finished the EPF during I think about I think it took three or 4 weeks and um yeah then I was a s member and what were the courses you took at that point well I did the um I did a course regarding studying how do you study and then I did a course um called Welcome to the seor what was what was that like what what did you learn in that well how is the ship built what kind of um um why is the sorg um but you weren't on a ship no I wasn't on a ship but you had to learn how the ship was built exactly because the seor is like a ship like if you were on the ship I see what do you learn in the ethics course everything about ethics yeah I had to read the whole ethics book and uh about 30 other policies o or H policies about ethics I was never in Scientology it seems like scientology's idea of Ethics is far different from the real world's view of ethics were there any contrasts that you saw in Scientology ethics is there anything that that we would find interesting anything that struck you on when you were taking the course well the only thing which I couldn't really understand was was um the thing about the suppressive person cuz um there is like about 20 points about a a suppressive person and I was like thinking well okay my dad is a suppressive person my grandma is a suppressive person you know that that was the kind of thought I had when I was reading it so that's the reason why I couldn't understand it you you thought they fell into these traits yeah that made up a suppressive person exactly and during that time I I was also thinking that I myself was a suppressive person and scientologists weren't they yeah yeah and then there was coming some there was coming one uh one point where it says um a suppressive person never thinks that he is a suppressive person so somebody who thinks he is a suppressive person isn't a supressive person that sounds like El Ron hub yeah yeah so you're back with your family for for how long again before you go back I came back when I was I think about 1 or two months before I was getting 14 and um then I was till I was 15 there and after and in the summer holidays of Munich in Munich I think that was a July or something July I think ' 92 or 91 or something I went back to uh St Hill but the only reason why I went back to the to Saint Hill was because I was actually supposed to go on stage and sing but you you uh but at the first time I I came there they grabbed me and they would bring me to the recruitment office and they told me well everything what happened again what happened in the past is all cancelled it happened and nobody's going to look at it and uh you have a new chance to to come to the seor to do the EPF to finish the EPF everything has changed the rule has been harder and the EPF I see has harder rules and um he has to take he really has to take care of his um eper and the CMO is pushing everything and things like that and they gave the promise that I'm going to go to school and I told them well um if I can do career as a singer in this York I'm going to come otherwise I'm not going to sign the contract and they promised and they promised that I go to school it never happen so when you came back did you have to go through the EPF again yeah and was it as brutal well um I didn't do the same thing like with the lake story there right the pipe was probably fixed by then yeah exactly so what type of things did they have you doing then I was build I was helping to build Walsh Manor this is like a real big building like yeah about this building okay and I was hopping to build that building this what this this is the building for all staffs in the UK and all SE members in UK where they live and same type of schedule 8 till 5: then study at night how long were you working on this then 4 weeks 4 weeks and then you graduated this time and you became part of the SE exactly and what was was that like I was feeling like man I did it I really did it yeah so you had a win yeah I had him I had a real big win and uh did you was the SE org what you expected yeah at that point yes so what type of what type of jobs were you doing I was um I was for about 2 years I was a receptionist like um if you're a receptionist you're responsible for everybody who's in the building in as UK you have to know where's the co you have to know where all the um executives are um if some if a public comes you have to have a rooting form you're responsible that all rooting forms are there there's about 20 or 30 rooting different rooting funds you have to have you're responsible that um the public are going to the wetch office to give the money you know um you I was responsible for um all the letters which come in in and go out I was responsible for um what I was I was writing about 100 letters a day to Publix what were those letters like for example you have a you have a file right and you take you take a look at the file whatever what did the person in Scientology how long hasn't has the person hav't been there um for example you write in this letter um dearer I don't know de Bean or whatever um how are you how are you um my name is blah blah blah I was taking a look at your file I was I saw that you did this in Scientology and um um you haven't been a long time say what's happened laugh blah blah laugh Vivan or something so you're just trying to bring people back into the OR and trying to find out what happened to the person why didn't the person come back the first year I've seen my parents um Christmas for three days and then um when I came back no before exactly before I wanted to go I had a csw the csw was approved csw csw is like um completed CS completed situation work exactly so they you have to explain for examp you have to explain situation I want to go to Germany to my parents you have to write what you know why for example I was writing I haven't seen my parents for one year and um I have got two sisters and I want to see my sisters I want to have a little bit of time with my family and then you have to write uh like um what was the other points I can't I can't remember and then you have to find please approve the csw and then you have approve and disapprove so um she let me go to my parents when I came back after 3 days I went to ethics cuz she says I was blown I had to ride lws over and withs and had to do the conditions from uh trees and onwards did you find that helpful no I was pissed had you blown pdon me had you blown at that point no the CW was approved mhm did this make you want to blow yes how long how long after this incident did you actually blow I never bow you never did so how did you leave Scientology well um there was a situation which I have to say when I was still the receptionist um I was a Tanya is a was a friend of mine and um I had 2D you know 2D 2D no second Dynamic that means boyfriend oh okay I had a boyfriend and um he was the FBO the financial uh Finance banking officer and he was working in Birmingham [Music] and um they we had some problem we had some troubles cuz his boss we had the feeling that she was doing uh third party you know third party yes explain it to me though that means like U that some person is trying to destroy our relationship she's trying to tell him listen she's out ethics she's not a good person for you you can't Mar marry her um she's not doing a good job and um if you it's not a good idea cuz you and Bur coming in she's in the a you can't see each other every single day you see maybe you see in you know every two weeks or every 4 weeks or something and um you have no chance to really have a relationship that kind of stuff happens and um T wrote a report about it and she this lady which was the boss she was in CMO CMO is CMO is the commanding management off commanding management office I think so like that commanding management office yeah commanding management office exactly and this is the highest organization in St Hill and what was the result of the result was I was taking off my post and I went to ethics you went to ethics because she was writing a report I had to go to the to the boss of the um of the bus from the FBO yeah and she was asking me why did I say that and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and this went like on and on and on on and on and she says well you're going to go to ethics and you're going to ride yours cuz you have something fult with you your personal personality is fault so I went to ethics and um yeah I finished the relationship between me and him and um some other time there was another there was another boy and um he came from Venezuela he was working in the free fre office you know what freance office is free uh well you know the freance right yeah that's the ship right exactly that's a ship where you can do your ot8 mhm so um he was working for the office for the Freeman's office the frean office has the responsibility to get um people on the ship to get revitalized on Scientology to get them you know move up the bridge or do a ot8 or something like that so um first of all we started to have a relationship like brother and sister right and um and this went like more more and more so real relationship and um I mean we were really in love to each other and um was it was it easy having a relationship in scien col no cuz when you're inor you're not allowed to have sex or you're not allowed to um have do heavy petting I wanted to find out you know I wanted to find out how it how is sex you know I didn't know anything you you have any education in no nothing there was no one you could turn to no so um we did more than we were allowed to and uh we swore to each other we say we are not going to say anything like this two weeks later two weeks later it came up he got an interview with with the um not with um I can't remember the I can't remember the post it's like here is the C and one one post behind um below it okay so that guy he was um he was asking him questions like um well what kind of relationship do you have with Vivan you know and he broke he broke this war and he told him everything he went to ethics and he did the EPF again and me I went to ethics I got asked again I was um I was shot in the room for about 3 days to write ows to write everything about everything down about it and um there was another situation come up with another guy me yeah with another guy and um you know if you do liability you know liability right okay that's one of the conditions you do so I wrote down a knowledge report about somebody else who was doing um who went out to with me who was married and um who um SLA me and who was pushing me to do that which I would which I didn't want to do and um this report went to the CMO and I got got um I had to speak with her about it I spoke her I spoke with with her about it I swore her this is the truth I wrote down she didn't believe me she was asking him about it he was saying this is not true we never slept with each other I never told her to do that Etc so then I got on like the quack from the CMO right she's like um I don't really know what she actually did the only thing I know is that I went to on the Emer and she was asking me questions like is that the truth and you know I had to tell her the whole situation again and the needle was floating so if the needle is floating I was telling the truth so he left the post he had went to go he went to ethics and um I was still in ethics and um the RTC office was there and I was still riding ows and and um I had to go to the emor so they can check if I was finished with the ows I did this about five times and they told me you're not finished with the ows you can go back to write yours I wrote about four four weeks I wrote ows and then I started writing ows which I've never done you know to write another so that I wrote this W which is not true I never did this ow you know because I didn't know anys anymore so then I went to the then I went on the Emer and the needle was still not floating you know and then I said okay well listen guys off I'm not going to continue my writing I wrote my W's and if you not believe that I wrot that I wanted that I'm finished I'm not going to do it anymore I'm going to sit somewhere and I'm going to wait till I can go so then they told me you know there's an fo the fo is called um r2d no 2D rules and um in this in this EO is stated what happens to some somebody who goes out Tod and usually if you if you would have been on a ship and you went out Tod you know they're going to um take you and throw you overboard so they would they wanted me to go on the RPF and I knew that I I had um somebody who somebody's friend of my parents was on the rpia for 6 years so I said I'm not going to go on the RPF cuz if I go on the RPF I'm going to take maybe 8 years so then I said well I'm going to leave the seaorg so then they were trying to tell me Well if you leave the seaorg you still have ows and blah blah blah and you know um out in you know that out in no out in is like um you know the Scientologist they say you have a thetan you are a thetan and you have a body and if you have problems that your fatum comes into your body and leaves the body if you have problems with it you get like um you get headache pain you your whole body is painful um um you're feeling sick and like things like that and the Cs was saying you are out you're out um out in so usually what happens if somebody is out in is the person gets a rundown an out in Rundown and until this rundown is not finished the person is not allowed to study it's not allowed to get any kind of words work clearing the person's not allowed to get anything else on the bridge or sack jacks or things like that what happens I got a sackjack and I was still out in so I got the sa Jack and the Seck in the sa check came up that um uh my needle was floating all the time when I wrot my W's and I went there and you know I took the cans and um although it came out like you know in this four months I was 20 you know I was like for four months I got uh 24 hours watched for 4 months 4 months yeah somebody was watching you 24 hours a day yeah security how do they do that well wherever I wanted to go somebody has to come with me if we wanted to go to the toilet somebody has to come with me and stand in front of the toilet and check if I was still in the toilet so if I wanted to go eat I was eating with the RPF people if um if I wanted to talk to my parents somebody who speaks German has to has to listen to the phone call so then it came up that I was telling my parents that I'm getting a fitness board and I'm going to root out of the seaorg so I was told well there's a policy called leaving and leaves and in this policy you're not allowed to tell anybody when you're leaving somewhere so and um and in the section it came up and they were trying to tell me that this is my penal and that I should get penal for it that I'm a suppressive person because in this policy says if somebody tells that the person's going to go um the person gets suppressive it's like the person gets to a suppressive person so well this came up and this came up when I came out of the session and I had to go to the examiner you know you have to take the cans again and it's going to check if the session is okay um I was red tacked and red Haack means that the session was not um successful there's something happened in session which was not right and the person has like uh the reactive mind is going completely crazy or um it could be like that the person uh like after a few hours person gets sick or the person whatever happens to the person that's happened so I went in session again within 24 hours cuz if um if you don't get in session within 24 hours all stats of the HC is zero so I got to went I went back in session and um they were asking me they gave me some list whatever it was I can't remember and they were ask they were asking me some questions if there is something happened in session which I was not um agreed with I said yes the point of that I was um I was not viol I was violating the policy leading Elise I said listen I'm not violating this policy I just told my parents that I'm going to come back to Germany and this is not violating this policy cuz I didn't tell anybody of Saint Hill Manor that I'm leaving the seor I didn't tell it why would that be such a big crime if you had told somebody well this would would mean that I have ows and this would mean that I would have criminal acts and um this would means that I would maybe black PR the seor and black PR black PR Scientology so would would it they get in danger in essence would you're telling somebody in the c or that you were leaving would that maybe make them doubt yeah exactly and that's the reason why I was not allowed to tell well in this 4 months I was studying I was getting work clearing which I wasn't allowed to I was writing ows I was doing mess work isn't this frustrating when you want to leave and for 4 months they're they're keeping you there I have the feeling that um they just want to they just want to destroy myself that I'm like um that when I leave I have no chance to survive my I mean when I went back to Germany I my weight was 42 kg normally if I would go to the doctor the doctor would be he would just um send me to the clinic you know Clinic hospital kind of Hospital right yeah I'm not and with kilogram so that means you were painfully thin and no one no one there at the or suggested you go to a doctor or that you should be concerned no I'm going to start crying were you concerned about your health at that point yeah could you express that to anyone well I mean to somebody who was who was there yeah no it's because it's your fault I mean I was like feeling for the past 4 months that I was that I was going step for step to that point that I'm going to die you were wasting away emotionally and physically and it was like in this four months I was not allowed to to talk to my parents you know people from the outside who don't know Scientology they ask why didn't you just leave why didn't you I was I was trying to leave my aunt was coming over there she's English and she's uh she's living in she's living in the UK and uh she she was visiting me and she was waiting for she was waiting for an hour to see me till they found me and she wanted me to come with her to go to drink a coffee and at this point when I wanted wanted to go to the in this car if I want you know in this point when I wanted to jump in the car the security guys came and they just took me away they they physically grabbed you did not let you go no where did they take you on my arms so they took you back on shoulders right they then they took you back and locked you in a room they took me to security and then I went to um and then I went to H and I started to tell me that I have ows and I said I have no ows I can go on the meter I have no problems with it I went to the meter and had a fleeing no a fleeing floating needle was was your aunt still concerned that you you she was concerned did you find out later that people were were trying to contact you and the only thing I was I heard from my grandma cuz I'm in contact with my grandma since about I think 3 weeks or something like that um USI she was the person who was helping me to get in come with her cuz all her um her sons and daughters they're all in Scientology except one person so she went in com with my grandma and um we did an appointment and we saw each other and she told me that my aunt was really concerned and she wanted to find out what happened how long how long after this before you finally were able to get out how long after this this incident where they they took you physically what happened well the security guards were everywhere wherever I went the security guards were when I was sleeping the security guards were standing outside of the building and checking and checking the windows and um um in front of the door one lady she blew 5 minutes later they grabbed her and and brought her back so then I saw okay you have no chance to blow you have no chance so I said then okay well you just have to wait till they leave you what were you thinking I mean did this make any sense at all that somebody wanted to leave and they couldn't well I didn't understand it cuz um when I signed the contract they told me if you want to leave you can leave there's no problem but that wasn't the case no so how did you get out um how did I get out the RTC office was telling the CMO that um to do everything that I leave the seaorg cuz I'm danger for the seaorg that I'm danger for Scientology if you if I still stay and sent until so by that time they wanted you out yeah they were talking to my parents and they were telling my parents that um I'm going to come back to Germany they didn't I was not allowed to talk to my parents all this four months and um they just told my parents okay listen get a ticket for this lady tomorrow she has to leave we don't want her anymore so my parents did the they just organized the ticket I came back just before I leave just before I decided to um leave Scientology was cuz my husband was homosexual and I found that out after 4 months and you got married at what age 18 how old was he pardon me how old is he old is he 31 and he was on staff in Hamburg org or he is on staff in Hamburg org he still is he still is so when I found that out he told me to he kicked me out of the um out of the apartment and I started to drink to go on party every single weekend to go I was starting to um to take drugs to take grass I was I was you know smoking grass and um and you were still in Scientology no no you had left yeah but not officially okay and um then I gave myself up as an American when I was in when I was in the Disco I I I met somebody who's who is American and uh some German guy who's now my boyfriend and we are together since then and he told he just you know in you know like after some time like you know ages and ages my dad came um to my boyfriend and he told he said that I'm German and he told the whole story and he he wanted to take me and um to punish me for everything so well at the next day I came to uh to a friend of mine who's a Scientologist maybe she's not a Scientologist anymore I don't know and um they said okay well listen if you go to the org and if you go on ethics and you do the Ethics program they give you you can live there and we're going to support you and on on everything well I did that and then I got then I got apartment then I got um then I was living in Beetle which is about 30 kilometers from Hamburg and I just left everything I left my parents I left this lady I left everything and um and after sometime no my boyfriend I told everything my boyfriend about the seor about scientology about everything so he told me listen you have got um there is situation two situations me or Scientology I said listen you I don't want Scientology anymore so he he told me he I was I was um calling ingred she was the ethics officer from Ham org and I told her listen I'm going to leave I'm going to leave Scientology and um I don't want to do anything about anything in Scientology anymore nothing I don't want any calls I don't want any any mail I don't want anything so she told me okay give me this give me this in writing so I wrote everything down I told her listen um I didn't go to school I have no opportunity to do um to do anything so I can work properly I had no real children I don't know how you call that in in English childhood yeah yeah so these are the reasons and you know I talk and I put the other point I mean whatever happened in the UK this point point so I sent her that four days later 3 or 4 days later my parents were standing in front of my apartment and um my mom came in my dad left again he just had an appointment or something and my mom told me okay well whatever H she started to talk to me and talk to me and then she came to the point why do you want to leave signology I said listen um I want beology whatever happened in the UK and I'm pissed about the situation I didn't go to school you didn't take the responsibility that I go to school and I have the damage now and I have to put my life in a real position so I can really live and survive and you didn't do your job as a mom so she told me okay well listen what's going to happen in 50 years I said listen I'm not going to change my decision which I made I don't want to be a Scientologist anymore whatever happened in Scientology I don't want to have it anymore I don't want to have I don't want to go through the same situations which I have done so she told me okay well I give you one week and you can decide in this one week if you uh if you want to come back or if you really want to be no s a non- Scientologist anymore I said okay so she told me well if you leave Scientology you are never going to come in contact anymore with your family with your sisters with me with your aunts with your grandma with your grandpa with nobody you're not going to be in contact with anybody and we don't want you I said okay and then I mean I was I started crying about this cuz I was just thinking I mean which mom is doing this so um I mean I was I was like when she napped I was um I was just about to kill myself and um have you had any contact for themselves well I called my dad once cuz I needed to have the certificates that I was at school so I could finish like the lowest class of school right and then they came up he sent he sent that letter it goes through the post office and I have to take it from the post office so I went to the post office and got this letter and in this letter it was he wrote a letter and in this letter was written that um that I would be a criminal and I would do criminal acts and um and he never wants to talk to me again he never wants to see me again and nothing at all do you how long has it been now since 1 and a/2 years your boyfriend is supportive yeah he he is supporting and you you you have F uh uh friends that you've made since I start to make friends yeah I start to learn to be in this in this civilization is it easy to to come out of Scientology having grown up in this no you have the feeling that if you if you do something wrong you're you're just a criminal whatever you do you think it's like it's your fault you know that's not true yeah but it's still it still comes up it's ingrained in I mean since that time I can't eat normally I mean USI says USI says that um that I should go to a cl to a hospital for about 3 weeks or something like that and maybe it's going to [Music] change but it's like um you know as soon as stress comes forget it there's nothing is going to nothing is going to stay in my body what would you like people to know about scientology that they are just Criminal they do what they want with you they're starting to um they're starting to kill you in some little bits and when they finished with you it takes you a long time to start being yourself again you start to want to live it's like you come after when you come out of that you have like the feeling of if there's coming some situations where you can't you don't what to do or you can't you can't confront this situation you want to kill yourself so that's the reason why why I would say anybody who wants to go to Scientology just don't go sooner or later you're going to kill yourself if something is not going to happen well you're going to help people yeah I'm going to help people [Music] people are going to help you yeah thank you

Channel: Mark Bunker

Views: 33,549

Keywords: Scientology, Dianetics, Sea Org, Cadet Org, Leipzig, Vivien

Id: ePOcIbCV8oQ

Length: 47min 14sec (2834 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 08 2009