So I've seen a lot of videos
here on YouTube where people focus on Victorian era etiquette
that they think is ridiculous. And while some of the rules
that the Victorians lived by may no longer be relevant to us. I think there's actually a lot we
can learn from people who spent so much time thinking about how they
can be helpful and kind to others. So I'm going to be sharing with
you today, some points of etiquette that I think that we should
still be following today in 2021. And these come from the "Lady's Book
of Etiquette and Manual Politeness" and "The Gentleman's Book of
Etiquette and Manual of Politeness." Both published in the mid 18 hundreds. My name is Ellie Dashwood. And this is my channel where I talk about
classic literature, history and writing. If you like any of those
things, please subscribe. So first, really what is etiquette? I think in modern society, we think of
etiquette as knowing perfect table manners or knowing what to get for a hostess gift. But really during Victorian
times, etiquette fulfilled such a more vital function. They saw etiquette as a outward
appearance of an inward world view, which of course in Victorian England was
heavily based on Christian principles. So for example, "Politeness is
based on real kindness of heart... it is founded upon love of the neighbor
and desire to be loved and to show love." It required consideration
of the feelings of others. And it endeavored to put everyone
at ease and to show gentleness and courtesy to everyone, no matter their
station in life, or whether you even considered them a friend or not. And while both of these guides
acknowledge, that the way true kindness of heart is shown varies
depending on culture and time. Really, a lot of the things they suggest
in these manuals are just as relevant to today as when they were written. So let's look at some of the main
underlying principles I think that a lot of these etiquette rules were based on. And look at some examples of
those rules from these books. The first one is this basic idea of,
you should care about other people. Which don't you think in 2021, we
should still care about other people? So for example, on page 149 of the
Lady's Etiquette Book, it tells us, "The way to make yourself pleasing to
others is to show that you care for them. Thus, the first rule for a graceful manner
is unselfish consideration of others." And I feel like that's really true. If you meet someone who really cares about
you, don't just kind of like them better? See the Victorians knew what
they were doing in life. And so a lot of the etiquette rules
based off of these principles, focus on one of two things. One is showing people you care about them. And then two avoiding doing
anything that hurts them. So for example, here, it says,
"Many persons will, for the sake of appearing witty or smart, wound
the feelings of another deeply. Avoid this. It is not only ill-bred, but cruel." And so essentially don't
make fun of your friends. I feel like that's something
we see a lot in modern sitcoms. They're just so cruel and demeaning
to really everybody, including people they're supposed to care about. So I also thought this one
was applicable to all life. "Avoid at all times mentioning
subjects or incidents that can in anyway digust your hearers. Many persons will enter into the details
of sickness, which should be mentioned only when absolutely necessary or describe
the most revolting scenes before a room full of people, or even at the table. Others speak of vermin, noxious
plants, or instances of uncleanliness. All such conversations or
illusion is excessively ill bred." So don't be talking about gross
stuff at the dinner table is what the Victorians were trying to say. My cat has come to visit us. You want to say hi to the people again? Come here, come, come, come here. Yes, this is my cat. He just wanted to say hi. Well, since my cat is deciding to
interrupt this video, let me take a moment to talk about Abebooks. Yes, this is an ad for Abebooks. I got both these book editions of
the etiquette guides off of Abebooks, which is a used book website. And I absolutely love shopping on
there because we can save so much on books and you get to choose the
condition of the used book you want. And both of these were very
good use copies, and I think they both came from the UK too. So. It's a great website for getting
books from outside of the U.S. as well at very, very
reasonable prices might I add. So I will be linking to these books
and several others that I have got off their website down below. So definitely check that out. Meanwhile, we also see rules dedicated
to making people, feel cared for. Such as this rule for hostesses. It says, "The best rule is to make
your guest feel she is heartily welcomed and perfectly at home." In the Gentleman's Guide, we learn
that being a good listener is just as important as being a good talker. Meanwhile, brothers are encouraged
to treat their sisters well. It says, "Nothing in a family, strikes the
eye of a visitor with more delight than to see brothers treat their sisters with
kindness, civility, attention, and love." So all your brothers out there have a lot
to live up to from the Gentleman's Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness. But really be nice to your siblings
and don't be rude to people or talk about gross stuff at the dinner
table, I think are all pretty good things we should still be doing today. The other concept is that by
bettering yourself, you're really helping other people because you're
becoming a better companion for them. For example, in the Lady's Guide,
they are encouraged to take up reading serious literature so that they
can have interesting conversations with others on a variety of topics. Meanwhile, the Gentleman's Guide
says this on the topic of swimming. It says, "it is a desirable accomplishment
to be able to swim in a suit of clothes. This may be practiced by good
swimmers cautiously at first in comparatively shallow water. And afterwards in deeper places. Occasions may frequently occur
where it may be necessary to plunge into the water to save a drowning
person or the lack of time or the presence of ladies would preclude
all possibility of removing clothes." So basically men needed to practice
swimming fully closed in case they needed to save a drowning person. So, I mean, that's very helpful to others. If you're drowning. For some reason, it just reminds me of
the part in Titanic when she's going to jump off of the back of the ship
and he starts taking off his shoes. And then later the guy's like,
"Interesting, the young lady slipped so suddenly, and you still had time
to remove your jacket and your shoes." See he needed to practice
swimming fully clothed, and that would not have been a problem. The third interesting principle that
underlied a lot of this etiquette is that you should make life choices
wisely and think things through. For example, I found the chapters
in the ladies guide about marriage very, very interesting. And it goes into what you want to look
for in a husband is good qualities. And it cautions against hasty
engagements because you can't really get to know someone in a short
period of time who they deeply are, which I think is still good advice. And I was kind of surprised that
it came from a Victorian etiquette book, but again, I feel like
people often portray people in the past in this very negative light. Like they didn't know
what they were doing. Often they were a lot more on top of
things than we can give them credit for. Meanwhile, too, on the topic of fashion,
it was encouraged that a lady wear something that is becoming to her,
not just because it's fashionable. AKA, if neon green is in fashion,
but you look awful in neon green, don't wear neon green. That is what the Victorian Lady's
Etiquette Guide is telling ya. Gentleman's Guide hits on the fourth one,
which is it's important to be humble. Here it says, "The true secret
of pleasing all the world is to have a humble opinion of yourself. True goodness is invariably accompanied
by gentleness, courtesy, and humility. Those people who are always sticking
on their dignity are continually losing friends, making enemies and fostering
a spirit of unhappiness in themselves." So ultimately humility goes a long
way and helps you have happier relationships with others, which is
just a true psychological fact that they knew even back in the 18 hundreds. Finally, the gentleman's guide
also shows that etiquette isn't just for those you want to impress. Rather, it even says that a man should
help a lady who is in trouble in the street, no matter her position. He shouldn't even stop to think,
O"h, is she a woman of nobility? Is she important? Is she pretty? "He should just help her. Cause it's the right thing to do. And I think that's something that really
impressed me throughout both etiquette books, which is that ultimately the aim
of the Victorians wasn't to be fancy. It was to be good people. So that's it for the etiquette I think we
should still definitely follow this year. And really every year. Does being kind to others
ever go out of fashion? No, no, it does not. We all know this to be true. Anyway, if you like history, classic
literature or writing, please subscribe to my channel and let me
know in the comments below which of these Victorian era etiquette facts
you think we should follow the most. So I just want to pause briefly and
talk about these books themselves. There's cat hair. Okay.
