US Presidents rank Jurassic Park Movies | Tier List (Jurassic World Evolution 2)

look at that beauty she's a nice one look at her move you were right this game is pretty fun no doubt I love all the colors and patterns you can have what's up guys it's dinosaurs huh what are we playing dinosaurs Jurassic world Evolution 2 it's a Jurassic Park Builder game oh yeah I used to play something like this back in the 2000s you must be talking about the precursor Jurassic Park operation Genesis That's a classic that's the one definitely a cool little genre of games just like Zoo Tycoon Zoo Tycoon was a Vibe back then if anything it's a vibe to just watch the dinosaurs walk around and live but this particular game can be very challenging with the normal settings let me guess you gave Joe infinite money and all the dinosaurs are peaceful this isn't how the regular game is we'll get there Joe let me know when because I'd love to watch him run the park into the ground just like he did with the country I'll run your [ __ ] into the ground what I actually wanted to do today was a Jurassic Park films tier list figured we could watch the dinos and rank the movies boy am I down for that these are my favorite movies of all time the first couple were goaded this this is one of the highest grossing trilogies of all time especially for back then can you believe it's been nearly 30 years since Jurassic Park came out I remember seeing it in theaters like it was yesterday pretty impressive considering you can't remember [ __ ] this movie defies dementia easily this is the movie that started it all it's a genre-defying masterpiece that made science and paleontology fun and exciting it is hard to place this movie in a category of any kind it simultaneously a terrifying horror movie in a movie I would show to my kids all the sights and sounds are very believable believable is a great word for this although it is science fiction Jurassic Park is surprisingly realistic and rooted in a plausible scenario if we did have the means to bring back dinosaurs then we would most likely put them on display in an environment where they could live comfortably so an animal theme park on a tropical island like my home state makes sense absolutely Hawaii made for a fantastic setting on the fictional island of Islam new blar dinosaurs are so [ __ ] cool man before this movie I thought dinosaurs were for nerds but after seeing it I realized How Majestic and terrifying they can be after this movie was released it started a huge Trend in paleontology and dinosaur media all the extra funding and resources actually helped our understanding of dinosaurs as a result the uh the dinos are my favorite part of the movie of course but I would not have been so invested without the excellent performances from the characters true Sam Neal and Laura Dern are great protagonists and John Hammond is a goddamn Legend don't forget about Jeff Goldblum this is the movie that launched him into stardom smash big deal you should have seen me with my shirt off back then now you're just jealous that whatever wife you had at the time got horny when she saw Jeff goldblum's man me Ian Malcolm was such a rock star in this I'll admit he was really good I liked how he met John Hammond's optimism with his Chaos Theory his dialogue was Top Notch I mean life finds a way what's better than that the yin and Yang between Hammond and Malcolm's characters let the audience wrestle with deeper themes like the morality of genetic science paired with capitalist greed do not blame capitalism for this capitalism has done nothing wrong you can't pretend that John Hammond's Vision was purely based on the desire to show people dinosaurs I would argue that you need to sell some lunch boxes to keep the ship afloat John was simply a pragmatic businessman with a dream either way if Jurassic Park was real I'd go there all the time do you think you'd go more or less than you went to Epstein's Island easily more you sniff One South American sex slave you sniffed them all I definitely wish Jurassic Park was a real thing but I also fully accept that the dinosaurs would eventually get out and kill people that's half the fun animals get out of their cages and rip people to shreds and zoos all the time I'm pretty sure an event like this wouldn't even stop the park from opening there was definitely better ways to keep the animals away from the people Nothing the good wall can't fix no doubt the brachiosaurs weren't even in cages Dr Grant just walked up to him the Brachiosaurus makes me smile every time all the species we get to see in this movie are pretty [ __ ] awesome especially the Predators I for one enjoyed the Triceratops the trike was one of the best looking animatronics of all time that thing looks legitimately real Stan Winston outdid himself with this one starting off with the beautiful peaceful herbivores really won me over to John Hammond's Vision I am more inclined to think like Ian Malcolm looking at nature large herbivores are usually the animals with the worst attitudes you wouldn't walk up to an elephant like Grant walked up to the brachiosaur without becoming a human pancake Gennaro wasn't very aware of the potential lawsuits that could arise from driving up to animals that can crush a Jeep like a soda can that dude wasn't the greatest lawyer he acted more like the investors he was representing I've never seen a lawyer so optimistic about anything let alone a Park full of potential lawsuits that he would eventually have to deal with if he hadn't become a snack for a T-Rex I still liked him he was funny how could you like him he left the kids to die [ __ ] them kids it's every man for himself from the T-Rex busts out you coward come on Joe you wouldn't want to go out like a badass leading a monster away from the kids he's the type of guy that's actually the monster chasing the kids what a scene to watch though true the T-Rex breakout is so incredibly iconic between the life like animatronic and the astounding CGI they convinced recently brought a T-Rex to the big screen Not only was it scary but it was actually very accurately portrayed for the most part a couple of things were wrong here and there like the fact that it was nearly blind and was way too fast it wasn't blind its Vision was based on movement regardless Tyrannosaurs come from the group called theropods that evolved into birds not only did T-Rex have great vision it may have been the best vision of any animal ever even better than a hawk because of the sheer size maybe all that frog DNA gave her frog eyeballs that would be a good way out of the plot hole but it still doesn't make sense because Dr Grant knew about the visual weakness before he even came to the park so they were actually trying to say it was fact I'm sure it was just a creative choice for dramatic effect I just think that maybe they were getting some bad information the paleontologist advising the movie was Jack Horner and he did a pretty bad job facts I don't know how much of it was from Horner or the writers but there are some bad examples like the T-Rex running at 30 miles per hour or the dilophosaur spitting Venom I like that dude better for some boots wrong Jack Horner this dude is always pushing silly theories like T-Rex was only a scavenger and not a good Hunter I'm glad they went against his terrible ideas for the most part the thing is I don't really give a [ __ ] if they decide to make a T-Rex super fast or make the Dillo spit venom and have a cobra hood or whatever as long as it's entertaining and this film sure was we could have had an even better portrayal if the T-Rex wasn't nerfed in some scenes and broken in others at least we got the T-Rex chasing and the Dillo killing nedry from the false facts definitely didn't break my immersion it's not like it was that far off T-Rex was still pretty fast I think it was around 20 miles an hour that's still just as fast as Usain Bolt no doubt the T-Rex could haul ass but when you say it's as fast as a car it makes me think they pumped it full of growth hormones or some [ __ ] the scary part is I'm saying a T-Rex would be even deadlier if portrayed accurately it definitely couldn't run 30 miles an hour but the fused bones in its ankles suggest a long distance Runner that paired with the best vision and sense of smell from any animal in the fossil record would make avoiding the T-Rex nearly impossible what we got was still so legendary that it's hard to complain without sounding like an ultra nerd that's true I'll give a ton of credit for for the visuals and sounds of the Beast given the couple of nitpicks this is the most accurate depiction of a T-Rex by far especially at that time the roar was so iconic that to this very day you won't find a playground full of kids without one of them doing their best dinosaur impression even the effect of the wrecks stomping in the far distance causing Tremors built up so much suspense nedry's betrayal is a perfect example of everything wrong with big corporations the second one unhappy employee with security access doesn't get exactly what they want Espionage and disaster is the very next step kind of weird that John Hammond spared no expense with every aspect of the park except for the guy running the entire thing if I was running the show he would have been fired way before [ __ ] went South oh yeah you have a great track record of hiring only the best people nedry didn't really think things through did he he led all the dinosaurs out before making his getaway in a tropical storm there's also no way his fat ass would have got off the island in 15 minutes or whatever he told the guys at the Docks well dude couldn't walk to the bathroom to take a piss in 15 minutes right even if he made it to the docks there would have been no one to pick him up so he essentially just killed everyone and made a ton of work for Sam Jackson's character causing him to smoke six whole packs of cigarettes during the events hold on to your butts nedry was kind of an afterthought the second dinos were loose this became a survival horror movie Grant leading the kids through this tropical hell was overwhelmingly wholesome since he hated kids to start off between running with the Gallimimus and being woken up by the brachiosaur in the trees Grant and the kids had some of the most fun scenes Dr Grant was a great example of a man using his knowledge to survive rather than strength or skill with weapons reminds me of a bygone era where humans didn't have guns and drone strikes but only their our minds to fight Nature's biggest threats a fantastic change of pace for a protagonist considering the types of action movies coming out in the 80s the real Action Hero in this movie was the Hunter Robert Muldoon severely underrated character Muldoon had such a believable aura about him as the experienced Big Game Hunter the way he talked about the Raptors let everyone know how much of a threat they would really be If released the cold open really demonstrated the danger of the Rapture Spielberg wisely only showed glimpses of them for the vast majority of the movie while the other dinos had their time in the Sun the T-Rex was larger than life and a massive threat but the Raptors were twice as dangerous with their ferocity and intelligence that design is truly terrifying whether it was the animatronic or the CGI sure they looked apart but when they started opening doors it was next level scary they were even able to outsmart Muldoon clever girl that was my favorite scene in the entire movie his whole character was built upon distrusting the purse received control the humans had over the Raptors and he spends his screen time warning anyone who will listen about the power these animals possess in his final scene it pays off in the most creepy way possible the Raptor peering through the bushes nearly made me drop a dookie in my pants and I had much more control of my butthole back then the jump scare with the Raptor and Ellie and the power bunker was terrifying also not to mention we find out Samuel Jackson died off screen what a disappointment I'd love to hear one last [ __ ] from him before the Raptor took him down funny enough it was actually bad weather that prevented his death scene from being filmed I can't believe they wouldn't give Sam Jackson the proper send-off My Brother Sam wasn't as big back then so it makes sense that they wouldn't go out of their way to finish his death scene it still hurts though because from what I hear it could have been the scariest scene at least Ellie's scene with the Raptor was so well done the directing and shot composition really stands out Spielberg is a genius I would go as far as to say that this is his best movie it's tough such a distinguished career it's hard to put anything over Jaws or Saving Private Ryan I gotta go with always in Private Ryan an American treasure treasure we can do a war movie tier list another time this is the point in the movie where we get Raptors in the kitchen absolute peak of the movie the suspense had me gripping my chair like I was at the dentist oh yeah I read that you had that crazy root canal last month oh don't remind me maybe if you didn't eat ice cream every [ __ ] day you wouldn't have to deal with that life uh finds a way Lex and Tim found a way to dodge the scariest movie Monsters outside the xenomorph and they would have totally trapped the Raptors if they couldn't open doors if only Jurassic Park had round door handles and not the lever handles that seemed very Raptor accessible Hammond spared no expense except for the door handles the Raptors would have never got out if you built a giant wall around them they would eventually find their way out somehow this final sequence with Ellie and Allen getting the kids away from the Raptors was extremely climactic the fight to lock the doors was another one of those scenes that sticks with you I for one didn't like that scene too much you got both the adults doing their best Hodor impression and Lex is trying to unhack the door lock but a little Tim just stands there while a shotgun is on the floor Donnie wants children to play with guns no you [ __ ] at least Slide the gun over to someone that can operate it too bad Dr Grant was a lousy shot he seriously missed like six times with a shotgun how the hell can you be that inaccurate I honestly respect it way more than if he had perfect headshot accuracy he's a paleontologist not a cowboy but he's got the Hat it's a goddamn shotgun you don't aim at Targets you aim at directions it was a little silly that he missed that many times and then just dropped the shotgun when it jammed you could at least use it to whack a raptor in the face before it eats you alive the grand finale was everything I could have hoped for the T-rex killing the Raptors at the last second was so [ __ ] epic this is where Rexy really earned her name not the most creative name ever but definitely she also earned her right to be the Undisputed Queen of the island I'd smash out of respect how do you say is it in yet in T-Rex what I didn't understand is how she snuck up on everyone when the ground shakes with each step she takes bars in my head Cannon I believe that she can be stealthy if she wants to but she will do her classic Stomps to strike fear in the other Predators without needing to see them that does make sense I nearly cried when John had to look back on his destroyed dreams before they all escaped you couldn't help but feel bad for the guy as he listened to the calls of the Brachiosaurus for one last time a somber moment with all of John's faults you can't say he had bad intentions I'm so glad they changed up his character from the novel is he that different he's a greedy businessman rather than a Visionary he feels No Remorse for the events and gets eaten by dinosaurs at the end [ __ ] me that's horrible and that's why books are for nerds there's no amazing effects and perfect music in the book either still a great novel but I'll agree with you on that point the music does not miss I think this is one of the best movies ever made there's absolutely no debate it belongs at the very top of s tier that's so true easiest here we've ever had not only were the effects decades Beyond its time but the acting and directing makes modern movies look like dog [ __ ] by comparison all the characters were so iconic from top to bottom Jeff goldblum's sexy chest hair will be immortalized in this forever classic did somebody say sexy chest hair holy [ __ ] the man the myth the legend Jeff Goldblum is that really you yes yes my reputation uh precedes me I can see we were just going on and on about how great you are well that means a great deal of course even coming from a man like you whoa whoa whoa do you not like me or something one could say I I never really uh vibed with your politics or your shows or your overall being uh well one could say I always thought you were kind of a tool well it does take one to no one I suppose forget him tell us how fun it was to play Ian Malcolm and Jurassic Park uh yeah the the good old days some would say uh uh as I reminisce I can't help but think that this was some of the most fun I've ever had in my humble life the sites the people the food um every day exciting everything fulfilling my mind are the emotions right beneath the surface ready to break free you have quite a way with words are you kidding him like a year to say anything when one has so many thoughts and feelings why not express them in the moment in however way you see it most daring most uh engaging because you were twice as articulate as Joe but I can't even understand what you're saying smash Joe don't be weird I will have you know Mr President that I did uh smash the bubble with your name beside it as I cast my vote for the leader of our great nation why can't you just say I voted for you I appreciate it Mr Goldblum it's truly a dream come true to have your support oh please Mr Goldblum is just too much please call me Jeff okay do you two need a room or something enough to Donnie don't be rude to our guest Jeff we've been playing Jurassic world Evolution and ranking the Jurassic Park movies would you join us I would be so honored regardless of party or my political uh disposition let's say I would love to join the presidents in ranking movies that I hold as she's so dear to my heart but I find myself missing a piece my opponent my opposite my very reason for being you can't mean it oh but I do sweet prince I do hello boys no [ __ ] way how has the world been carrying on then is that [ __ ] Undead John Hammond or did Hillary's guys finally get to me I assure you Donald my boy it's really me but how uh yes well as my esteemed colleague once so eloquently put it life finds a way indeed how are you Jeff my boy oh positively Splendid Richard good good to hear where have you been all this time you died in 2014. I own an island off the coast of Costa Rica don't [ __ ] tell me you're making dinosaurs out there are you well it's quite a bit harder than in the movie or in this game I can tell you that if you need any outside opinions I'd love to spend a weekend out there me too I will let you know Lads couldn't be me well like I just told Jeff we are ranking the Jurassic Park movies would you like to join oh yes of course where are we we just praised Jurassic Park as the Masterpiece that it is yes well it's good to see that our film hasn't gone extinct in relevance we are on to the Lost World ah site B the playground I used to call it I have to say I would rate this island lower than the first one not even a thatched bathroom to run into well of course it was never meant to be visited I spared some expenses like with the door handles the damn door handles were never meant to keep Raptors out well they sure didn't stop whining you didn't even have to deal with the Raptors oh you're right just the T-Rex that's all if only you just stayed still that [ __ ] shouldn't even work I think we're a little off topic right yes site B my nephew taking over disastrous not the brightest that Peter Ludlow he portrayed A pompous [ __ ] very well with him in charge I knew something had to be done before before they strip the island for parts the setup and plot weren't too bad I love how John kind of gets the better of Malcolm in this film just another lovely weekend from John Hammond how lucky am I it was interesting how they plugged you in as the main protagonist for this one how could you not I had no problem with Jeff in the main role what I did have a problem with was all the other characters none of the new characters with the exception of Roland where that great Roland was mostly like Muldoon but I really liked his take on the experienced Safari Hunter he is a very imposing figure in the film and I imagine we could have had more of an understanding had we not been estranged by our conflicting goals you really didn't like Sarah or Kelly at all Donald he generally doesn't like women so that's no surprise you're actually going to be surprised about my take on this well now I'm at the edge of my [ __ ] seat I think the entire plot could have been avoided if Ian and all the other morons at Indian just left Sarah to do her job she was clearly experienced in dealing with large dangerous animals the presence of the others only made her life way more complicated you think she had everything under control when she was being assaulted by the stegosaurus oh I really loved that scene this movie does a fantastic job of making the Majestic herbivores actually aggressive and territorial aren't they lovely aren't they glorious as for your uh daughter I would have suggested Ian get a spot on Maury that kid ain't yours you see it's not the same race as you that's a black child I can see that my vision isn't based on movement so like what's up with that I am also now asking myself this question what can I say I got the script so I had a daughter then she was there on day one what people were thinking in between is far beyond my pay grade I'm pretty sure she was honestly intended to be biracial Barack is biracial that girl is black can you shut up yeah I guess I've said my piece I thought she was wonderful Jeff thanks Rich I gotta say I like Tim and Lex better as the man three kid presence in these movies now I know why these are your favorites she really just keeps seeing Malcolm from being his good old self because he has to babysit the whole time it must have been hard to portray Ian's character when your main motivation is to just be a good dad and boyfriend by trying to stop them both from being eaten it was a tall order I also had to make it seem like he was a cast out for being outspoken against the events of the first film events that Ludlow and ingen tried to cover up there was a lot going on with Ian's character Sarah is pretty good and Roland was great as I mentioned but the rest of the characters were mid you didn't even like Vince Vaughn would you compare him to an Allen Grant or an Ian Malcolm well no that's my point Nick and Eddie were pretty bland as far as Side characters go Eddie goes out like a badass you can't even say he didn't is it really badass to get the iron side of your insta-kill weapon stuck in a net and then become dinner for two he sacrificed himself for us you [ __ ] he also failed to bring the cheeseburgers well at least the dino wrangling operation was to watch I would give up so much Chinese money to capture dinosaurs and teched out Jeeps it's like Pokemon but with rope bro I want to trike so [ __ ] bad I would be right there with you I would get a Packy glue a blonde wig on the skull and name him Donnie sounds fun definitely animal abuse the one thing I've learned is if you want to have some fun you might have to do a little animal abuse these are all great examples of why I hired Vince Vaughn to let the dinosaurs out so they kill everyone that's pretty dark did you suddenly become novel Hammond I was just better at hiding it I think bro it is seriously uncool to let an angry trike flatten the whole Camp did Ian Malcolm not think that was at all irresponsible I was kind of just going full Chaos Theory at that point Roland was doing some pretty irresponsible things too like leading the rexes to their Camp by breaking their baby's leg for example even a T-Rex at that size could deliver a bite harder than a crocodile I would not be unmuzzling that thing for a second the little guy was kind of cute though one T-Rex was plenty scary but two working together seems Unstoppable the fandom refers to these to as buck and dough so refreshing to see both genders and new generations of dinosaurs on the island I figured you'd be mad since all six trillion genders weren't represented let's not do this right now what's going on with genders you don't even want to know trust me what I do want to know is why these two rexes weren't with Rexy at the park well we originally bred seven Tyrannosaurs Rexy was the largest and most aggressive so we took her to the park for this place and she had been bullying the others there were seriously six of them on the island yes in fact you don't see a lot of The Islander in the duration of the film it's a rather large piece of land either way buck and doe casually took on a small army for Revenge it was incredible more like incredibly annoying the T-Rexes couldn't give us another hour of shut-eye rifles had little effect on them everyone just got pushed like a herd of dumb Apes into death traps hiding in the waterfall worked until Professor dumbass decided he would rather die than pull a snake out of his shirt what kind of brain dead [ __ ] would was that well it could have been a poisonous snake Donnie is right that was a milk snake totally harmless and this is supposed to be the smart animal guy pretty sure this dude was based on Jack Horner seems pretty smart until he's very much not Alan Grant was actually the character based on Jack Horner and that is one big pile of [ __ ] severe cope out though carriages like him and the dude that shocks the kind of like fodder to get eaten by the dinosaurs that's what this movie does really well we get to see a lot of dumb humans dying to dinos in a lot of cool ways I'm glad that nearly the entire in-gen group got slaughtered I was rooting for the dinosaurs as well considering I wasn't financially liable this time scenes like the compy Swarm killing that dude and especially the Raptors in the long grass made this final chapter on the island chaotic and exciting this was a huge pack of raptors RJ warned everyone not to go into the long grass and then died in that very same long grass what a bummer yes the Tigers were one of the proper types of velociraptor on the island you get to see the others in the next film please no we're still on the good one I'm glad most of the Raptors were full from all the hunters I don't know what I would have done if even one more Raptor showed up you dodged that Raptor pretty well I really enjoyed that sequence it was as if you had to use your own intelligence to fight the Raptor rather than Brute Force you got to do what you got to do in my opinion these Raptors are dumb as [ __ ] he thinks the backpack is alive allowing Sarah to escape when he had her dead to rights lucky pack pack finds a way more like plot convenience pack Sarah and Kelly should have died like five times during this movie and don't even get me started on the Raptor gymnastics that was pretty cringe why did the Raptor look shocked I thought it was very empowering I was proud as a father not your kid bro you got finessed or whatever the case may be Ian Malcolm probably had it coming being the womanizer he was let's not pretend he didn't get that from you honestly dude how much [ __ ] has Ian Malcolm got you let's just say Dr Malcolm opened a lot of uh doors for me that's what I thought it was sad to be leaving the island after what a blast it's been but they were surprisingly not done with the movie there were still more terrible decisions to be made that's how I feel about your presidency even I knew bringing T-Rexes onto the mainland was a terrible idea I respected the balls on Roland for taking down buck and then walking away because his bestie was killed probably what I should have done I don't understand how Ludlow can compound the disaster from the island by bringing the T-Rex to San Diego what I don't get is what exactly killed the killed the entire crew on the boat it didn't look like Buck did that is also left up to mystery I'm no Dino forensics expert but whatever killed them looks like it needed to be small enough to fit inside the Wheelhouse considering the severed hand on the helm it struck me as odd that my brilliant nephew told that guy to open the cargo hold where he knew the T-Rex would have been kept I almost stopped it but the dumbass damage had been done Buck was tripping balls and terrorizing the whole city like a [ __ ] mini Godzilla the way he folded that bus was insane although it looked amazing this whole sequence is nonsense if a wrex was loose anywhere news Choppers would be up his ass as if he had five stars in GTA he wouldn't be stealthing through the suburbs eating dogs I think this Final Act is entertaining well done and a proper send-off for the film Ian Malcolm took care of business and got both buck and his kid back to Isla sorna safely with only a few people brutally killed the baby killing Ludlow for his proud dad was adorable in the end I won Indian took a T-Rex sized L and all of the animals on the island became strictly protected I even get the last word in with a a bedside monologue to finish the film are you [ __ ] kidding me not only did you take all the credit from my work in this movie but you actually stole my line in the news interview I didn't know it was your line did you get life finds away patented and there you go again always thinking about patents and lunch boxes and [ __ ] give me a break John overall I really enjoyed this movie this movie is busting and you can't tell me otherwise s tier I don't think so Ian Malcolm and dinosaurs weren't enough to carry this movie into s all the other characters are pretty lackluster and the logic in this film takes a step back I give it an a tier though still pretty fun and a great sequel I'm biased so I'll let you all decide but Donald is a [ __ ] yeah Jeff get him take your shirt off I think I have to go with Donnie this time Jeff a great film that seems pretty underrated but not quite the legend that Jurassic Park is yes there was not nearly enough John Hammond to contend with the original facts I guess I'll take it now we can move on to the last Jurassic Park movie Jurassic Park three here we [ __ ] go this one blew chunks stop being such a [ __ ] negative nedry this movie was fantastic mid I'm just glad I wasn't on the menu this time of course we start off the movie with another boat Slaughter mystery so [ __ ] annoying why don't they just show us some death rather than making us play Dino who done it the only two options I can see doing that are the pteranodons or the spinosaurus it could have been the smoke monster from Lost for all we know it would absolutely blow to be stuck on site B like Eric nothing the great Dr Grant can't fix it's good to see Dr Grant again did he finally start a family with Dr Sattler yeah about that she left him for a younger man that's rather disappointing yeah I didn't really appreciate it Alan really must have [ __ ] things up off screen that's just unsatisfactory writing you could have easily put them together making this awkward meeting where he sees her family and her new husband is just super depressing and boring maybe he took a page out of my book and became a Savage man [ __ ] it looks more like he started digging alone at least he started training the next guy to hate kids and look Broody all the time Billy was a cool guy I'll tell you who wasn't cool [ __ ] Frank Gallagher he really thought he was John Hammond coming in and offering a bunch of money for a death vacation it really comes down to funding every time what's the point of digging for fossils if you have to go on a deadly Quest every three years to keep the ship afloat Dr Grant didn't even Google this guy he went on this lovely trip for free the man probably makes 30 000 a year and seriously wrote them a check for like three million Kirby was in [ __ ] Dreamland this whole starting Arc took way too [ __ ] long just hand him the fake money and make him say you son of a [ __ ] I'm in I always vibe to the plane or helicopter rides going into the island in all the movies this one even had a Trippy dinosaur dream that was the dumbest [ __ ] I've ever seen other than hippie Horner running directly into a T-Rex's mouth I guess this new director wanted to throw the hole don't show the Raptor until the final Arc thing right into the garbage I forgot this wasn't Spielberg the dream wasn't it for me either this was a raptor variant we've never seen before and our first view of it is in some sort of futuristic dream there's no way Allen would be dreaming of the never-before-seen Raptors they really [ __ ] up it was pretty silly I have had Raptor dreams before I won't lie they said some naughty things bro same the worst part about the dream is the new Raptor looked amazing all the dinosaurs in this movie had rad new paint jobs what color is your Brachiosaurus oh yes we were experimenting with all sorts of colors and patterns on site what better way to showcase the the new models and colors than a flyover of a huge herd the flyover was extremely beautiful oh yeah oh uh that's how it always starts but then there's running and uh screaming the screaming started on the plane when Dr Grant figure figured out this wasn't a plane tour I will have a forever grudge against Cooper for Vibe checking Alan Grant he deserved what the spinosaurus gave him I mean what can I say about this [ __ ] Allen had never seen such [ __ ] before you have Mrs Kirby using a [ __ ] megaphone to let every single predator in a mile radius know exactly where they are the spinal gave those mercenary Pricks hell you would think these guys were capable they certainly [ __ ] up the plane I sure as hell would not feel safe on this island no matter what you're packing Eddie had an insta kill weapon and it didn't save him that's pretty much what they had I don't care what dinosaur it is if you shoot it with a bear at 50 cal It's gonna [ __ ] die that's true and Cooper shot probably five or six times so unless he had Stormtrooper aim the spinosaur must have been hurting then it proceeds to get hit by a [ __ ] plane that does no damage who cares the spinosaurus is the most badass dinosaur of all [ __ ] time all right and here we go Spinosaurus was [ __ ] it looked awesome and the effects were great but that's about where the positives end why is this dinosaur any better or worse than the others Donald because this thing wasn't even in a Spinosaurus this is a mutant hybrid monster whose sole purpose was to Dethrone the T-Rex and Chase the humans to the very ends of the island for no reason what do you mean it's not a Spinosaurus it's got a spine and everything I know what he means our understanding of Spinosaurus has changed drastically with new information coming out at the time we only knew Spinosaurus from fragmentary remains discovered in the Sahara in 1912 and even those got blown up by an Allied bombing raid in World War II I'm not even [ __ ] joking that's brutal turns out it looks nothing like this and isn't as big either it was still a huge animal competing with the Rex in size but it wasn't as tall or heavy so Tyrannosaurus was still a lot bigger we were pretty much letting Dr Wu freestyle when he took this one up we never thought it would get this big or be a psychopath that's what I used to think about Donnie and you were so stunned at dinner when we told you this was all irresponsible I swear dude Jack Horner was at it again this new director Joe Johnson probably came to that moron's ideas although that probably had something to do with it I think Dino Crisis 2 is to blame wait what oh yeah that old dinosaur Resident Evil game that's the one I played this the [ __ ] out of that game no damage damage the whole thing on hard mode holy [ __ ] I knew you were a legend but God damn how did this video game affect Jurassic Park just for context in that game a T-Rex gets killed by a much bigger Giganotosaurus my theory is since that game was very well received it might have spread the idea that people want to see the Rex to throne by something new and bigger okay but why was it fine in the Resident Evil game and not here with the spinosaurus because it was a is a good idea in that context the problem with the spino is we had no idea what it even looked like at this point and now that we do know more about it we know that it would have no chance against the power of a Tyrannosaur before they even knew what they had huh sounds familiar oh let it go this leads us to the real controversy of the movie the T-Rex versus Spinosaurus this fight was so [ __ ] baller you can't even say otherwise shut your dumb ass up this fight was a complete discretion I agree Don Malarkey YouTube Barack the big problem that most people have with this fight is the fact that the T-Rex started the fight by biting the Spinosaurus and the men so what Tyrannosaurus Rex has the strongest bite force of any land animal by far scientists estimate between eight thousand and twelve thousand pounds per square inch it has the force of two Jurassic Park Jeeps coming down on the points of its teeth this kind of force is not only enough to crush bone but bone actually [ __ ] explodes under the sheer amount of pressure explodes holy [ __ ] that doesn't even make sense I know okay but the spino was huge and probably had scaly armor Joe a T-Rex could fight straight through a brick wall scaly armor isn't going to stop that so you're saying I shouldn't be building all these brick walls the spino should have been dead within the first five seconds but of course he escapes the deadly bite and kills the wrecks sure but how hard did Spinosaurus bite we aren't super sure because we still don't have a full skull but estimates are between two and four thousand pounds per square inch there's also evidence to suggest that its skull might not be able to take a lot of force everything about its biology suggests that it targeted large fish and some smaller dinosaurs but didn't have the power to kill large herbivores like T-Rex could bro that's [ __ ] it would use its arms and Claws to kill you morons you guys are just a couple of butt hurt T-Rex Fanboys that can't cope with the fact that Spinosaurus had that dog in him I find this argument pointless neither the engine Rec or the spinosaurus were real animals who cares which one wins shut up Jeff Goldblum you don't even have a dog agree with you Jeff but but besides it's a dream Nerf in power and the spinosaurus is on radioactive steroids passed off as the real animal it gives the audience the wrong idea the point of Jurassic Park was to recreate dinosaurs not to create hybrid mutants tell that to the folks who made indominus Rex that's next video let's not get ahead of ourselves it also must be said that everyone loves the T-Rex I for one wasn't very happy that the most popular attraction was only on screen for a couple minutes and was replaced with the Hannibal Lecter of dinosaurs seriously there's absolutely no reason animal that big would chase people all around the island just to eat imagine running themes for a six piece McNugget looks like the thing just hated people par for the course don't you think we had the top scientists spared no expense we did however forget to hire a dinosaur psychologist eating a T-Rex apparently kept it distracted for a portion of the movie then Allen finally gets to crack Flanders in his line [ __ ] face and that dude owes everyone there a new bathroom I'd have him over re-trimming my kitchen every weekend for life I'd have him wrap the proof every Kitchen in Jurassic Park Round door handles will give us control yeah the door handles that's where it all went wrong speaking of raptors that's exactly what they run into at the compound they wouldn't have had to deal with Raptors if Amanda wasn't screaming the entire time next time you think about going on the island full of monsters maybe leave the wife at home there he goes hating women again she was soulless and dumb just think back to the reaction when they found her boyfriend's dead body she made it clear that she had zero remorse for him and was only upset that Eric had been alone all this time Allen did have to tell her to be quiet like six times she was like the equivalent of the tourists at Yellowstone trying to pet the buffalo those people get exactly what they deserve wasn't long until a scout was onto them these Raptors were pretty [ __ ] sweet these are the best Raptors of the entire franchise they looked amazing were actually scary they showed off some real intelligence not to mention the sounds were on point they had all the qualities that make a good Raptor this time around you're correct I love the new looks and the separation between male and female you were much more likely to run into the male Scouts but the females were bigger and more dominant man I wish I was born a raptor I thought they did a really good job with the jump scares they got me a couple times especially the one in the lab and when Alan did a double take over a log and it was right there when they surrounded him I don't know why they didn't just kill him he had the eggs did you even pay attention okay you got me I was probably bored and didn't see it stop the cap Donnie yeah they would have killed him immediately if he hadn't picked up Billy's bag during the chase through the hadrosource they would have killed him anyway if Eric hadn't come through and popped some smoke bombs quite a resourceful little lad huh are you kidding me Eric lasted eight weeks with the Velociraptors as neighbors Bear Grylls ain't got [ __ ] on this kid I spent like four days on both islands and almost died 12 times this kid is a prodigy this character is too good to be true I'm sorry but no kid is going to survive this island with candy bars beans and jerky made from copies not for eight [ __ ] weeks so you still don't understand okay well let me say it again life will uh find a way you said that in defense of humans being unable to survive with Dinosaurs yes but chaos has no Allegiance therefore man finding a way to survive is akin to dinosaurs finding a way to escape you see chaos is an unbiased Force always pushing the very limits of what is possible no matter how improbable I'm with you Jeff however unlikely it's definitely possible for an athletic kid with some speed dinosaur knowledge and survival skills to pull off surviving eight weeks especially with some food tucked away in a decent shelter I wish Little Tim had the survival instincts of this chap I did very much enjoy how he was an Alan Grant fan and said he didn't like Ian Malcolm's book everybody's a Critic I guess it was pretty cool to see the family reunion especially since the spinosaurus was knocking down the Walls to get to them oh wait now I finally figured out why Donnie hates this thing it's one of many reasons the next part is my favorite slowly realizing through the fog that it's a bird cage with dozens of the Pteranodon was a great horror scenario the Pteranodon creeping out of the fog was incredibly scary I always thought that pterodactyls were underutilized in these films Pteranodon Donald pterodactyls are smaller oopsie poopsie an incredible sequence I cheered When Alan gave Big Bird a nice front kick to the face Billy's sacrifice was so sad especially since this was right after Allen discovered the eggs and roasted Billy's whole life no better than the people who built this place was kind of harsh oh I see how it is nevertheless he allowed everyone to escape too bad Amanda left the [ __ ] door to the entire Aviary open talk about Pandora's Box I spent good money to keep those Flappy squawkers secure and she doesn't even check the damn door wow the one part of the island you spared no expense on didn't even work go figure oh yes human error has always been my downfall that's why my new park will be managed by AI you just never learned do you the park will go just great right up until the AI becomes malevolent and opens every gate for the [ __ ] of it so you're saying we should get rid of the gates got to be a way to do this and I'm almost positive it involves a wall it's like they're not even hearing me I know right all right well what's even left well we get to see some herbivores a ceratosaurus thinks they smell like [ __ ] that's one big pile of plot convenience I'm not the greatest part of Jurassic Park to call back to and then we get the final battle with the spinosaurus paired with the last confrontation of the Raptors the final battle Ellie so goddamn important that you have to take it with a Spinosaurus actively trying to kill you even Barney had more priority than that call uh I find it very poetic since that kid should have been his anyway Big L I thought Mr Kirby and Alan did a pretty good job with the uh lighting the water on fire it looked rather impressive I'll commend it as a reasonably enjoyable final battle I would have preferred they kept the spinosaurus in or near the water for the whole film a proper send-off for the Beast I don't care what you guys say the spinosaurus is my favorite dinosaur because of this movie typical don't forget about the last Raptor interaction I found it a bit convenient that the Raptors backed off from the humans when they gave up the eggs but when I released the baby T-Rex I get pushed off the cliff crap is a more understanding I guess the way they looked into people's eyes was scary realistic I get that the main characters can't be all slaughtered at the end of the movie but this one little window of communication and peace with the Raptors opened the door for dumb [ __ ] like Raptors in the military I don't think we can blame Jurassic world [ __ ] on Jurassic Park 3 I particularly enjoyed this last interaction it showed us a lot about how this pack of raptors worked that Alpha Michelle Obama of raptors you're goddamn right and at the end of it all Billy made it out too oh my God I totally forgot that is a crock of [ __ ] well it's possible bro just stop life can't find a way every single time he rescued the Hat shut the [ __ ] up and smile what did you write this that explains a lot like how the last thing they see in this movie is some Pteranodon set Loose by Amanda's dumbass and it's played off as a wholesome moment the Navy probably should have shot them out of the sky to be honest well that's really it where would we rank this one another a tier just barely over the lost world not a [ __ ] chance this wasn't Spielberg Jurassic Park anymore more the movie had fun action scenes and did a couple of dinosaurs Justice like the Raptors and pteranodons but the writing was off C tier mid at best this dude is such a clown I agree but only with the clown part I didn't find this one particularly thought provoking every single character in this movie was actively trying to kill the entire group they could have avoided most of the danger if Mrs Kirby wasn't screaming all the [ __ ] time nobody is using their brains even Alan is bamboozled to get trapped on the island to begin with you both pose great points I'm still pretty torn I think I'll go beat here with it the music and visuals are still very good but I prefer my movie to a large extent no surprise there don't kid yourself Donald nobody's seen The Apprentice more than you I could see it in low B tier or high C tier what do you think Richard could you put it in the seat here for me my friend I can [ __ ] yeah John Hammond is a [ __ ] Legend why Richard why well look what they've done to my boy plus I was waiting for my spot at the end but I never got my call I could put it in detier after hearing that we're sticking with C I thought it was a couple steps back from Lost World and audiences seem to agree since it made significantly less money than the Lost World of Jurassic Park I think the main problem was really that we didn't interact with Dinosaurs the same way for the brief moments the Magnificent herbivores are on the screen the characters don't react or interact with them at all I always meant for Jurassic Park to be something that people can both see and touch bro this is [ __ ] crazy you absolutely have to be a hater to ignore the Raptors and Spinosaurus scenes and call this movie mid maybe it's you guys with the brain cognitivity issues I need everyone in the comments section to tell Donnie he's an idiot and Jurassic Park 3 is the [ __ ] you all know what to tell the spinal comments over which dinosaur would win if King and his name is John Cena I mean Spinosaurus in your Raptor dreams [ __ ] well that about wraps it up ladies and gentlemen if you made it this far I want to thank you show this video some support and we'll release the Jurassic world tier list or a dinosaur video game tier list oh by the way we have a Discord Linked In the bio and I have my patreon up and running as well I made sure it doesn't go to drugs for Hunter thank you all again for watching and remember life finds a way you've got to be [ __ ] kidding me John bye guys thank you foreign

Channel: AI President Chats

Views: 66,515

Keywords: jurassic world, jurassic world evolution 2, jwe 2, ai presidents, ai game, ai cover, donald trump, joe biden, barack obama, politics, political news today, ai presidents play, presidents playing video games, presidents play golf with friends, presidents play, tier list, spinosaurus vs t-rex, spinosaurus, t rex

Id: ADjMU2kAtgs

Length: 46min 30sec (2790 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 02 2023