UNMASKING FEAR: A Culture of Honor is Not Culture of Harmony

hi everyone i'm danny silk and this is my wife sherry silk hi and we are just wanting to engage a conversation with our loving on purpose audience uh we have a lot of crazy stuff going on these days and so we just wanted to talk yeah love uh being here and uh there is a lot of crazy stuff going on and fear is ruling the airwaves right now it's the loudest thing out there and so we just wanted to chat through some alternatives to that really so some of the the loudness the fear out there is talking about social justice stuff and there's a lot of um school choice issues and there's violence going on i mean this morning we were reading something even about a shooting in kansas city and just it's just everywhere and you can't get away from it it's very really uh taking up our our thoughts and so we want to kind of rise above that and give some hope and um maybe some humor you like to be funny don't you it's not everyone gets your humor let's just pause it not everybody's looking to laugh right now they're not you know a bunch of people are just furrowed proud yes yeah everything's a problem it is interesting though because we're all on this experience and and so we're in the mode i'm in right now if i read something or hear something it might catch me different than i might hear it or hear about it tomorrow because i'm in a different place and so i think a lot of just giving each other grace empathy understanding benefit of the doubt those kinds of things are needed like never before and there is a lot of uh feeling of being silenced too that i think there's a frustration with you know if i say something i'm in trouble if i don't say something i'm in trouble um and so there's just this frustrations which kind of causes this you know pressure i think uh and so we want to talk about how to have a conversation right and i think that the silencing comes when somebody's not listening and it's really a great idea to not talk when somebody's not listening it's just better to just skip this because when two people are talking and nobody's listening that's how you have a really destructive exchange so that's part of what we're doing is we're talking to people that we think are listening to our voice i if you're uh you know somebody that just wants to argue with everybody right now then you're not going to like this very much but for the people that are listening to what we talk about quite frequently then uh we have some things to say and that's what we want to do yeah we you were kind of famous for this book called culture of honor that you wrote a few years ago and uh everywhere we go there's sort of this people get it they catch it or they sort of twist it a little bit and don't understand it so whenever you preach i always want to get up there and go that was really awesome honey but what he's not saying is you know because you only have an hour to preach often and you can't say everything but but today let's let's unpack that what honor means really and what it doesn't mean and one of the things it doesn't mean is a culture of harmony and agreement classically when i would teach culture of honor anywhere people would think oh this means that we're all getting along all the time and that we never say anything that ruffles anybody's feathers or we never disagree or that we just kumbaya we link arms and we kind of skip down the yellow brick road and nothing could be further from the truth because the culture of honor invites everyone to the table to be powerful meaning that they're valuable meaning that they're seen meaning that they're heard meaning that they can influence an outcome so i think that when we talk about a culture of honor it's it's literally a level of respect that i bring to the conversation i i command myself to bring respect regardless of of what you think or how you see the world or what it is that you need that's so different than me we stay in a posture of exchanging value and when that leaves the conversation when i have no value or i give myself permission to diminish your value because you don't remind me of me you don't agree with me i i then get to punish you i've given myself permission to punish you with dishonor to punish you with disrespect to invalidate you because we disagree there can only be one right outcome yeah it's mine i brought it with me and i'm here to convince you so let me keep talking until i convince you yeah and then you you brought the only right way to see things and so you want to keep talking until you convince me and guess what happens neither one of us are convinced because the more you don't listen to me the more determined i become to be heard so it is it is two drowning people in the ocean of disagreement using each other for a buoy to try to get some relational air while we suffocate yeah and the bible says honor all people and and so who do who's included in that all people and then we have this whole social media um world that everyone's really living in because they can't get out and there's restrictions on where you can go and what you have to do when you're out there and and all that so way more people online and that's kind of their platform to talk and and give their ideas and opinions and so social media does this weird thing that creates a distance between me and you i'm not looking you in the face i'm not looking you in the eyes i'm not able to say you know this this is a human and there's a lot of people out there that we don't know that we're talking to and personally so i don't have that relational equity i didn't come with that because i don't really know that person so i kind of have this let me just tell you what i think thing and so what would you say to people that are trying to honor in a social media world well honor something that you you require of yourself right you know so if i come to any relationship i bring my honor with me if i don't require myself to honor all people then i only really honor people who agree with me yeah and the people who disagree with me i have permission to punish and so when we come online and we have no connection with people and somebody immediately shows me a disagreement well i immediately get to unleash the punisher on you i have permission from myself to extract all error from the planet yeah and so i have fingers and so i will be just relentless in unleashing this torrent of rejection judgment criticism and humiliation if at all possible because i don't honor all people but if i do honor everyone then no matter what you say i will have a respectful response even if it's i think we disagree right and i i appreciate your your input but we disagree yeah i can't even tell you how many times i have started to write something and then kind of check myself you know check my heart check my you know what's going on inside me how i'm feeling about the thing that i'm writing whether it's an email or or a response or a post or something it's like how how is this going to come across and so i think there's a lot of space for that right now it's just like okay i'm emotionally drunk and i need to not respond while i have some emotions and and all this negative stuff going on so if we can shut that down listen to the holy spirit change our words and respond i think that's going to go a long way we're going to continue a series of talks around honor and respect and connection and feedback so it'll be fun to continue and see where we get so we'll see you next time you

Channel: Loving on Purpose

Views: 9,127

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Id: Bk85B7KvWWQ

Length: 9min 40sec (580 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 10 2020