Ultimate Try Not To Say Hol' Up

peep the magician is wishing everyone who likes this video and subscribes good luck good luck breeding those lions why pakistan should be on every solo female traveler's bucket list did human trafficking write this i stalked this astrology hoe twitter for about a week and told her i was a virgo and she let me smash because she thought we was compatible little does she know i'm a ducking scorpio lmfao universe just aligned your cheeks with this nut wanna know how i know for a fact all of this horoscope shut is a bunch of [ __ ] all you all commenting this is exactly what scopio would do about dumbass shark cause i'm mark capricorn guys who cook deserve unlimited bow jab gordon ramsay hash monday motivation i just got kicked out of flat earth facebook group because i asked if the six foot social distancing had pushed anyone over the edge yet i ducked your mom last night idiot not cool man she killed herself duck sorry man i didn't know after seeing your tiny nut rip mom and dad i know you all looking up at me right now up yeah they beat my ace a little too often the family i babysit for bought me a car for my 18th birthday so oh well thankful me a car or i'll tell your wife about us the most offensive thing as a black man is when you walk in down the street and an old white woman clutches her purse butch really think she's stronger than me forget area 51. we need to know the secrets within storm the vatican the pope can't smallest all of us either my friend is really good at photoshop or iron reynolds broke into my apartment tell the cops it was photoshop who updated michael jackson's pronouns on instagram 620 posts six million followers zero following see first cupid 19 vaccine given to ren tigers have full size on the back of their ears to discourage predators from attacking them from behind i'm slightly less terrified of tigers and 100 times more terrified of whatever the dukkha tiger considers a predator after seeing the earth from the moon neil armstrong said it changed his perception of humanity before there were arbitrary divisions and strife but afterwards he only saw one people all losers who hadn't been on the moon ever ellen musk just announced that tesla cars will soon be able to connect to each other via bluetooth allowing drivers to communicate and speak with other tesla drivers nearby road rage about to be like a cd lobby lisa i can't believe how easy it is to get cigarettes in this country when the security guard in the mall measures your temperature with the wrong gun do the people my daddy shoots go to heaven they do if they haven't done anything wrong so a lot of them yes my dad and i are a great reminder that genetics and an exact science geneticist here there are a number of factors that go into determining a person's height genetics of course plays a huge role but other things such as diet environment and having a chatting hole of a mother play into the equation as well my teacher told me i'd be no good at poetry due to my dyslexia but so far i've made three jugs and a vase so duck you mr macpherson [Music] if you think that mexico is only sending dog dealers and rapist but also worry that mexicans are going to take your job what the duck do you do for a living okay what surprise visit to see my girl's apartment for the first time one she already has the toilet seat up for me to turn on the tv already on espn 3. look in the closet a man so i can make a new friend an accommodating queen [Music] if iron man was black who would you cast as tony stark robert downey jr what are the starbucks words for small small coffee what word do i say when i order please hurry someone please oh my ducking god asked for a small coffee and the barista told me to kill myself i just saw three homeless guys giving each other the cupid vaccine under a bridge what a caring community we live in mob why the hell did you tell your father bd m stands for burgers drinks and salsa music he just invited bob and agnes to come over tonight for a b party we are not done talking about this aliens invade earthlings we have killed your leaders destroyed your economy and are here to take over your government humans oh thank ducking god aliens wait what elderly neighbor gave me their son's old pc found these gems on it the nostalgia is real throwback thursday that time my teacher's computer wasn't working so she plugged the projector to one of the students computers let's have shreks i found out on fiveair.com you can buy 1 000 likes for 5 the only thing is that the likes come from the middle east and they have arabic names so when i saw that my friend tweeted excited for my flight to new york city i immediately spent the best five dollars of my life they got rid of the indian and kept the land how american i love chatting if you don't cheat what the hell is wrong with you have you ever been cheated on i forgot some people are in relationships to clarify i love to violate academic integrity on exam this aceh thought that just because he was driving some fancy expensive vehicle he could go as fast as he wanted and weave in between cars so i got in front of him and slowed down to 10 miles per hour below the speed limit lmao duck in ambulances i swear oh honey look at these poor orphans we'll take the rat i'm looking for people who are interested in turning 100 to 4 000 this is not a pyramid scheme we will be selling craig china france china's copying ability is very very strong they have replica of almost every famous things in world is made in china they copy almost everything which is famous they even copied the loho coast by building a concentration camp in the sinjing province and imprisoning culturing and ripping millions of muslims my mate has just seen the chernobyl documentary he actually grew up in ukraine in the 1980s and was able to count at least eight historical inaccuracies on one hand when i was five my dog passed away god takes the good souls early grandma said she's now a healthy 100 year old parnhub has officially banned donald trump from the platform oh no anyway be sure to try our vegan options just so you guys know feta cheese is not vegan might want to look into that yeah we really don't care made me spit my drink your son my son my son your son yoshi's online bro what should i do send me you first send it to her ducking idiot my son just walked into my room and said daddy i'm scared to die not of going to hell i don't think there is such a place but i guess i'm scared there's nothing there was nothing before so what if there's nothing after he's 37 year old and on acid we ain't like other triplets what the duck man i already shot that chick two times forever stuck between wanting to look fit and wanting to fit five whole pizzas in my mouth hey omg if you're ever watching a movie with your parents and a slex scene comes on give it a second then look at your parents and say is this the kind of filth you two are into disgusting you just change the balance of power forever kids can sense evil people [Music] just got called the sheep for wearing my mask in the elevator with a group of guys i replied as i remove my mask finally a group of guys that doesn't mind me taking my mask off while having cupid shut got really quiet wait a minute sisters donate their kidneys to strangers to honor their dad who died from kidney failure so kidney failure runs in the family and they donate a kidney once in the fifth grade this kid called me a home and i had meant homeless and i was so confused i said but jeremy you've been to my house i was today years old when i realized this is a honker there should be a zoo of drunk white people doing stupid shot it's called florida i told my psychiatrist that i have seasidal thoughts so now he's making me pay in advance dust for prince i found prince no no no fingerprints i don't think so animaniacs was wild what's something that feels british but isn't the contents of the british museum [Music] fortnite creator is buying thousands of acres of forests to stop it from being cut down i forgive you next move is kidnap 100 kids and air drop them in damn i really wanna duck this girl oops bro leave it to me bro cram on my face i'll go and bump into her so oh oh oh my butchest neighbor called the police cause i was smoking on the balcony the police get here and ask where the we at i said i smoked it all they said where'd you buy it i said from the neighbor now they're at his house looking searching his shot when your dad dies and you have to act like you didn't just do a choreographed musical number called i just can't wait to be king disney virtual reality will allow fans to relive their favorite star wars moments [Music] i'm dying right now my professor is sharing his screen and this one of his tabs dusty college girl fully explains theory of relativity all day this couple ran up to different bad mans yelled son and then dropped in the floor [Music] you could do anything on 2007-2012 i showed people how to cook crack in damn microwave and nothing happened now i can't even call a fat butch fat nigerian princes were real all this time 43 million dollars in cash found an empty nigerian apartment poor guy probably spent the past decade trying to share but no one ever replied to his email quick question is it for duck's sake or for duck's sake it's for a work email so had to sound professional hold up dude you're never cramming on my back again i washed my hair twice ace hole you definitely have the wrong number lol well nutted in my hair and gave me a fake number woman hates selfies and decides to photograph herself dead all over the world imagine if someone kills her and keeps posting the pictures you have free wi-fi but every hour you use it one african kid starves to death so it's just like regular wi-fi having a dog on christmas is just the best thing ever turkey and ham myself but whatever gets you through why you liking my girlfriend pick on facebook oh sorry mate finger must have accidentally slipped on the like button whilst i was having a whack this rip survivor and the man who ripped her have teamed up to tell their story i suck newton died a beer gene that means i have one up on history's greatest scientific genius because i'm not dead say watch i want about only fans but i just moved into my dream house at 17. [Music] i love my baby but i wish he would stop saying this human form is limiting the girl you like her father her brother her ex her husband you i watched this entire trilogy twice and still have no ducking idea what's going on dark phoenix star wars the force awakens disney aladdin google faces five billion dollar lawsuit over tracking users in incognito mode the entire male gender ginny kim a lot of girls didn't like me this year but their boyfriends did my ex randomly hit me up telling me she was feeling lonely and wanted some company no lie i kinda missed her too so i told her to come through we hang for a bit and then she went to the bathroom to freshen up next thing i know this butch gone and i have no toilet paper got sad news today after seven years of medical training my good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion he slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the job he loves what a waste of time training and money a genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet something's wrong i can feel it my baby treats me good until it's a full moon absolutely insane that armies used to have drummers like hello yes we are here to slaughter each other but before that my boy nathaniel's gonna drop the sick ace beat on you lmao show em how it's done nate when your partner tells you he slashed she cheated on you i know there's a temptation to ask with who resist it instead ask with whom speak good english no matter the circumstances american math team has finally beaten the chinese international competition [Music] puma's latest trainers go viral as they look like at horth hodgler these are for when you really want to finish a race when you're laughing at world war 3 and start to wonder why the sun is coming out at 9 00 pm ultimate blends hand restoring cream maybe this will work nothing happening how it started how it ended you cheated on me adam and give me back my dog he was a good man and a better friend god i'm gonna miss him so much here's to you greg undercover cops posing as dog buyers are arrested by undercover cops posing as dog dealers taxpayers your girlfriend sends needs you accidentally leak them but she can't figure out who leaked them she can't figure out who leaked them so you've never seen the lion king nope oh dear better get the tissues ready i'm hardly going to back off to a bunch of lions dot interviewer how do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume me that's when i went to yale interviewer that's pretty impressive you're hired me thanks i really need this job [Music] what's the most awkward date you all ever been on he took me to his parents favorite spot we saw his mom there feeding strawberries to another man he was about to confront her but his dad came out the bathroom and sat with them and he grabbed the man's hand that was the night he learned his parents like to tag team other men forget fake ids teens are dressing up as mask wearing grandmas to score alcohol i'm going to dress like a horse so i can get keto me [Music] can you pick up a card on your way home my co-workers husband just got deported a dies what the duck is wrong with you did you know a group of ferrets is called a business a group of gorillas is called a band a group of scissors is called gamers epic but we are actually recess [Music] this librarian yale is basically the dream fun fact about this library if a fire starts in the library all the oxygen leaves the building killing all who are inside in order to protect the rare books if men are agreeing with you you said something stupid you are absolutely right there's always one you haven't heard some weird shot until you duck a death girl sounded like i was beating a baby seal that's not true i have ducked a few of them and they don't really make any sounds oh whoops never mind i misread it says death an alligator is swimming in a florida lake with a knight in its head i'm pretty sure whoever pulls the knight from the gator's head gets to be the new king of florida excaligator everyone at scrodina's funeral looking at his coffin i named my dog five miles so i can tell people i walk five miles every day i ran over five miles today what a terrible gift john cena surprises seven-year-old boy with answer on his birthday cupid is no joke one former patient was so brain damaged afterwards he thought he won an election he lost by seven million votes the quarantine has strained many marriages but for some of us it has enhanced our relationships i'm lucky to have the most loving wife last night i woke up while she was holding a pillow tightly over my face to protect me from cupid 19. hold up i just did it for some extra money during quarantine but it took off so i do it here and there it's not fun and it's fun don't judge me i don't judge anyone but we are not going to dinner anymore wait why cause i have a ducking only fancier no i think that's pretty cool and entrepreneurial i'm just not spending 200 in three hours of my night when i can see unique for 6.90 right now omg you nut [Music] guys joining the military is the male equivalent of duck this shot i'm gonna be a striper yeah but one is a noble career which takes a lot of bravery and courage and the other is military in high school i was placed in the english bottom class where a teacher said to my face i'd never make it as a writer today 25 years later after uncountable knockbacks from almost every publisher i'm ecstatic to finally be able to announce that teacher has died 2020 worst year ever 1349 2023 i missed 2020 2142 we saw pokemon go as a teachable moment for how people should treat real animals kidnapping them and forcing them to fight you and me friday night i'll supply the mozzarella sticks and shrek you supply the kondos oh shut wrong number oh hell now this is the right number when your balls deepen her alabama girl and she says you duck better than my uncle do not compare me to my father that'll be 19.94 pulls out 50 bill sorry we've had a problem with counterfeit bills have anything smaller pulls out 25 bill wait a minute baby boy born without pens is extremely rare case exact same thing happened to my sister bro i offered this butch some noodles after slicks and she had the nerve to say so everything's two minutes here i've been seasidle since then mwahaha when the kid who keeps running around in the restaurant finally trips and hits his head on the edge of a table finally in a piece quickly putting my leg back underneath the table apple music what are you guys listening to samsung spotify i love little kids that share too much information today a girl came in with her mom to order food and i told her i liked her dress she said thanks my mom stole it from target the wage gap isn't real men just tend to go for higher paying jobs like doctor engineer and ceo wear a swim and go for lower paying jobs like female doctor female engineer and female ceo instead of kill two birds with one stone say feed two birds with one scone beat a dead horse feed a fed horse take the bull by the horns take the flower by the thorns peter offers replacement saying for the anti-animal language and daily conversation thanks peter for showing us there is more than one way to scan a cat it finally happened the flight attendant asked is there's a doctor on this flight and i left up and said yes did a trachea to me at 30 000 feet with a razor blade and ballpoint pen he didn't make it but the thrill was undeniable thinking of going to doctor school now we got a new puppy ugly as duck but he's laughing at all my jokes so this is piper perry she is young trump supporter that saved a police officer from an attack by a group of protesters but the media won't show it google piper perry takes on five men she is a hero how i made it 150 000 trading one took a small loan of 300 000 from my dad to put it into high risk shot coins three lost half got scared decided it was time to cash out 4. block my dad's number five net profit of 150 000 secured what was ruined because too many people started doing it my girlfriend the perfect police officer doesn't easy cop that doesn't see race just shoots everyone wanted to paint this good boy that's the most adorable soup i've ever seen if you were such a great person on earth how came you ended up here earlier omg it's god points were made prisoner who died and was brought back claims his life sentence has technically ended he not wrong deer population is controlled by releasing wolves into an area all problems should be solved that way too much pollution release wolves in factories dislike congress wolves wanna lose weight that's right wolves be me the american child go to school don't get shot because school shootings are statistical anomalies that seem far more common than they actually are because of sensationalist news coverage get molested by teacher when a baby on board sticker is a little faded and beat up you know the kid is at least a year or two old now and the car is safe to ram my wife left me for another man all that lies ahead now is a miserable pointless life with seaside seemingly the only way out and while he's going through all that i'll be in the pub with my mates every night wait what yes i'm vegan yes i eat meat we exist i'm an atheist yes i believe in god yes we exist i'm a beer jean yes i have slex we exist yes i know no i'm yes we know yes we got my blind cousin a puppy for christmas met my daughter's teacher tonight it was heartbreaking she was working at her second job teachers are the most underpaid underappreciated yet most valuable people in the world so anyway i gave her 50 for a lap dance so i'm doing my part holy shut i think i found my new lawyer just because you did it doesn't mean you're guilty i want to open a restaurant that specializes in barbecue pork bed i'm going to call it bed stuff so when women tell their men let's try that stuff they get all excited and then they get disappointed and then they get happy again because barbecue me signing up on hub premium with my dad's credit card this card already in use my girlfriend happily telling me she is pregnant me feeling sad cause i know how it feels like to grow up without a dad if you're cold they're cold bring them inside all right what's step two 1995 pixar what if toys had feelings 2006 pixar what if cars had feelings 2007 pixar what if rads had feelings 2015 pixar what if feelings had feelings 2020 pixar what if black people had feelings disney pixar soul teacher draw your family tree the alabama kid just donated 20 to an lgbt group i hope one day we can find a cur i don't want to die beer gene done poof nothing happened you are immortal now yesterday i finally achieved what every single college student in america has dreamed of it can only hope will happen to them that's right i got run over by a bus on campus what are you gonna ask santa for my mom says santa's not real well my mom says you're not real i hate the september october november and december on the seventh eighth ninth and ten months whoever ducked this up should be stabbed good news well yes but actually no can anyone photoshop this civic to be black thanks hey gatorade i'm having trouble opening the lid to some of your bottles any ideas what the problem is we are very sorry to hear you're having trouble with our twist off caps maybe hit the gym once or twice you ducking catty remember when you bury a body cover it with endangered plants so it is illegal to dig it up follow me for more gardening tips brilliant went to church for the first time in a long time and they passed me a bowl full of money i must start going every week now [Music] no neighbors no noise just birds singing in the rain this is that house the people always get killed in in movies when you're meeting the avengers today and stanley tomorrow i love how captain america has the whole outfit on and christ pratt just looks like a poor single dad that's been through 4 divorces [Music] robin hood steals from the rich to give to the poor poor person gee thanks i'm rich now robin hood you're ducking what i wish i had the perfect body it is done poof nothing's changed correct wow you're a wholesome genie i'm a hallucination take your meds someone is not gonna make it off this train do you think tarzan was a beer jean before he met jane or was he clapping gorilla cheeks a normal conversation this mold that buford brought over should help us put her back together tell me again why you have a life-sized mold of candace my four-year-old just said daddy why do people make up things that their children have said for social media isn't it just inherently dishonest and indicative of an inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves three days after the vaccine this showed up on my arm it won't scrub off look what i found in my mother's room amen i wouldn't watch that if i were you hello i'm brand new to twitter what are you guys up to global warming is a hoax [Music] five-year-old me falling asleep in the car and waking up in my home's bed 20 year old me falling asleep in the car and walking up in the hospital's bed a quarter a day for a year will get you 9125 a dollar a day is 365 you got some limited edition quarters or something my girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me i was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed after two minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of incidents foreigners saying americans don't use the metric system me with the nine millimeters and five grams in my pocket nbc news poll american fears of war grow tell me this doesn't look like a squirrel cramming suspect arrested after missing teen girl was spotted on punhub the police investigator watching pawn i saw my wife slightly drunk yelling at the tv don't go in there don't go in the church you [ __ ] she's watching our wedding video again deal with it i love little cultural differences like how americans are super offended by the word cucumber but here in australia we are super offended by school children being slaughtered with automatic weapons if you guys see a link on twitter that says lebron james needs don't click on it it is a virus that puts your phone's keyboard on caps lock wait a minute man gives away his government stimulus payment to people who need it more this is what our society needs just caught a disgusting provert on the bus watching photography over my shoulder what my mom thinks dog dealers look like what i actually look like happy birthday mom and dad how they got the same birthday they are twins me losing my virginity to a celebrity everyone else in the wax museum babies sick pregnant moms all the time but oh i do it one time and i'm the one arrested ladies if he nuts in you and you don't wanna get pregnant you gotta let another [ __ ] not in you so the spam fight to the death sometimes i pray for god to take away my ability to read how do we stop pollution regulations fines tell dudes their nuts are getting smaller because of it [Music] humans peanuts are shrinking because of pollution warn scientists i have invented a pregnancy test app you download it and then pass on the screen and if the screen gets covered in pass you're not allowed to have kids for extra cash consider robin's lex offenders their address is easy to find and they can't own guns modern problems require modern solutions mcdonald's has the best coke let's argue mexico has the best coke let's argue take this you sons of you're my bestest wind meanwhile i caught my boyfriend with my friend's phone and he answered hey my love he just knew it was me i love him so much what airpods now with bass plugin [Music] i'm gay lmao i'm not actually gay my boyfriend took my phone and tweeted that i think my neighbor got her fingers caught in the drawer when usain bolt finishes in 9.8 seconds when i finish in 9.8 seconds i saw my dwarf neighbor at a bus stop jumping i'll give you lyft home i said duck off he shouted back what an ungrateful little cucumber i thought as i zipped up my backpack and continued my walk i'm easily attracted to men with power just paid my light bill i can't believe people don't eat the crust like what the duck it's part of the food it's fantastic even if it doesn't taste the same as the rest of the watermelon starting my new business of colombian cheese wish me luck stop buying plastic skeletons for halloween it's terrible for the environment locally sourced all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly i recently smoked a point with an old friend i hadn't seen in years after wards he swallowed the roach i was horrified until he explained that it gets you 10 times higher than i remembered 12 years ago when i told him that fact as a joke he's eaten over a thousand roaches we have been trying to reach you regarding your car's extended warranty me tests negative the scientists conducting the iq test do you have a doctor here yes i'm what's your speciality i'm a doctor in mathematics my friend is dying minus one public toilets are socialist why should my taxes pay for someone else to take a shot that's why i shut myself like a true patriot just a happy family your blood test has come back you failed it says you're no blood you [ __ ] mother ducker just got out of wonder woman 1984 and it's a triumph i laughed i cried a masterpiece only slightly marred by the cinema's utterly flavorless coca-cola and salted popcorn not sure if they've lost their magic touch during these trying times but i couldn't taste a thing biggest nut award goes to my step dad why is everyone hating me all i did was call my stepdad a nut [Applause] you can only drink one strength poison breath talks to plants courage always relax become a dragon instant death flight downs instant death congrats you now have the power to instantly kill your opponents [Music] school shooting i don't know i'm european doctor i have some bad news you have a very rare disease me what how rare doctor you get to name it me okay you're all fixed thank you father court court my body is weak i need to rest don't worry i will fix you people who sleep neat when has it backfired one time my sister was hiding in my closet to wait for a bit until i was almost asleep so she could scare me unfortunately she didn't know i was whacking it and she jumped out to scare me right as i came which ended up going all over her face and into her mouth my mom heard the commotion and came into my room to investigate and after seeing me nick and my sister covered in my jazz got the wrong idea to make a long story short i now i have to duck both of them every night so they won't tell my girlfriend tell me something i don't know i once ducked a jar of goosefat while watching your slex tape the wish i wish my parents were superheroes or pop r mail delivery what double mask efficiency 75 triple mask efficiency 90 don't worry grandpa this should be 100 effective why do millennials hate the rich why do millennials pirate everything why do millennials drift towards socialism why are millennial furries one answer disney's robin hood [Music] my nephew just said to me is wind made from birds flapping their wings he's so adorable isn't he wrong my nephew's 24 addicted to heroin grandpa told me that he got to see the titanic and that from the beginning he told them not to get on board because he knew it was going to sink but no one listened and he repeatedly told them until the minute he got kicked out of the movie theater my dog is pregnant so we took maternity pictures excuse me miss have you ever been arrested yeah how could you tell i was gonna say it's illegal to be that cute but now i'm curious aggravated assault son daddy who sings this me this is michael jackson son i love michael jackson me well the thing about michael jackson is he would have loved you too wife okay that's enough lose right arm and break my left hand friend gives me this shirt if you're happy and you know it clap you oh did you really believe you came because she touched your leg think barry think it was me i backed you off at super speed so it seemed like united are just a woman's touch james 33 about james i like long walks on the beach with my girlfriend until the lsd wears off and i realize i'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around the wendy's parking lot hi i'm people's virtual agent to get started simply ask me a question i'm still learning so if i can't help you i'll direct you to additional resources i got scammed lmao therapist have you ever had a job me i once worked at a zoo therapist great and what did you take from that me definitely not a penguin therapist what me what talking about the american dream in class and the professor asked the one german kid if they had a german dream he responded we did but no one liked it when your man choking you and you low-key like it but then he whisper i've dealt with your shout for too long cop you're going to prison for forgery me slides him a 37 bill what about now [Music] oh my god is this a cat or a sheep a shat don't call it that please a shot why is she wearing a dress if she's just gonna let her road and vage hang out of it took his eight now he's acting like he can't breath smh the world lost eight years in the 1500s due to calendar changes that means this year is actually 2012. vegan drops dead in the house the dog that has not eaten meat for more than three years pizza guy your total is 26.34 me i can't afford that pizza guy well you'll have to pay some other way me takes out wallet wait i forgot i had thirty dollars put director cut hey dad pick three numbers between one to five hundred all right 45 173 210 so if i get 45 likes 173 comments and 210 shares you have to let me get a puppy how about 45 likes and you can go duck yourself chris i'd be amazed if 45 people even like you why don't you go live with your hole of a mother if you want a puppy [Music] my mom took me out for a picnic because i was crying my mom used to give me something to cry about when i would cry [Music] shape-shifting is the best superpower because you can have any haircut any time you want you can turn into a hotter version of yourself you can turn into a dragon you can turn into a robot you can turn into a shambling mound of abstract shapes and sulk outside your estranged father's house at night while chanting ominously about his sins this took a weird turn but i'm still on board he was teaching about microsoft word without computer noob in afghanistan they teach call of duty without any computers my drunk ace boyfriend just asked me who's the handsomest man in the world and i said ah you and he goes force it's ducking ryan reynolds boss know why i called you in here me because i accidentally sent you a nut pick boss stops pouring two glasses of wine accidentally i caught two kids smoking pot outside of my office 15 minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office wanna play hot potato sure zip i win i can't believe i've spent a year with this cool cat can't wait to spend the rest of his life with him his life a great white shark sneaks up on cops patrolling the waters it's lucky it's not a great black shark my town had a really bad storm two days ago and my neighbor lost the roof of his house and the poor guy doesn't have insurance i've decided to start a gofundme to raise dollar so i can go to hawaii for a few weeks because he's about to start doing construction and i hate being around all that noise if you're cold they are cold bring them inside and warm them up i bought minecraft nice bro found a village looted the village burned the village that's awesome went home and played minecraft dart i'm divorcing your mom hi divorcing your mom i'm son no you aren't that's why we are having a divorce hold up lalling at these pics from america's got talent eliminated eliminated eliminated when schools reopen in september ladies and gentlemen we've solved sexism is there any difference between a man and a woman they taste the same [Music] i have a gun and i'm not afraid to use it if you say it instead of doing it you're clearly afraid to use it yeah don't live in fear man believe in yourself believe in yourself you can do it you found a pop star that looks like your crush it's actually her it's actually her i have good and bad news start with the good news your son will be allowed to park wherever he wants how we used to take selfies in the 90s i like you don't join zoom tomorrow hold up which turns me into a frog now suffer me chilling on a leaf which wait me experiencing happiness for the first time in my life which wait no i guess that's why the family is incredible sun motorboats mob while his sister rides her [Music] jen has this schoolgirl fantasy it's a pretty common one i just i feel uncomfortable wearing the dress underage me at the bar my dad with his secret girlfriend my sister dancing clothless what people think kidnappers look like what i actually look like florida zoo fires zookeeper after she was caught moaning in lunch room while chimpanzee snapped on her toe i knew it was gone be crazy when i read florida people praising me for beating up the local people file me just trying to get rid of the competition all right let's play never have i ever haha okay you go first okay never have i ever suffered from chronic hallucinatory psychosis found these infinity stones in my sister's drawer penis use these six flags magic mountain announces spring reopening crown virus can't wait this will be my first time going the black plague disappeared without vaccine just saying it killed one third of europe fun australian fact this kangaroo is waiting for pursuers to come into the water with him where he will try to drown them they are extremely good at it never ever go into water with the kangaroo everything has lots of innovative ways to kill you here man arrested after trying to fight family because someone ate his pork chop i'm not gone say he was right or wrong all i must say is i understand my keyboard looks fresh in the dark you won best actress have you ever thought of aiming higher and trying to win best actor if you spot this guy call police u.s marshals are looking for him and he may have been in hampton roads if i spot this guy i ma mind my ducking business if you die while making food in a slow cooker whoever finds your body will have a nice warm meal waiting for them they can also eat whatever is in the slow cooker too american school children non-american school children my neighbor really loves christmas look how many trees he has dad saves kids then ribs from fire he only saved the kids first cause the ribs needed more time to cook people who stay up late are more likely to die early night owls are more likely to die early finally some good news i like going to walmart for fun it's the small things merc what's your favorite thing to do in our stores steel just to be clear if you carefully removed and laid end to end all the veins arteries and capillaries of your body you will die beware of falling deer leopards conceal their unfinished food in the tops of trees i know amazon drivers be like damn this house again i work on an ambulance the thought is the same 55 kg 30 kg the woman can balance herself making it easier for you to carry her try picking up a 55 kg dead person i agreed it was really hard when i did it nswf you get to have sex with any person in the world who do you pick the queen of england just feel like it's an odd flex in and of itself but also if i go slightly wrought she'll probably die which will then make me part of a national holiday where everyone remembers that time some guy duck the queen to death and there will probably also be statues of me all over ireland biden says your ak-47 won't save you if government decides to bomb its own citizen what the actual duck bringing a deadly disease to people with little to no immunity is a very authentic thanksgiving reenactment failed as a rapper became an avenger he showed us that it's easier to beat thanos than eminem if a white person hates a nation because they are a nation is that recess just yes or no yes of course and if a black person hates a nation because they are nation is that recess definitely not white people can breathe in this but not that if you could eat one food from any animated movie what would it be mine is the egg from shrek daphne's ace from scooby doo look how dark these are i like my grapes like i like my men good one 25 at a time the inside of your bed is warm enough to hard boil an egg oh no i'm not falling for this one again what horse girls when they find out the horse their dad bought them is female so a woman in australia found one of the biggest huntsman spiders ever recorded oh nice they are almost getting big enough to duck now it would have cost you zero dollars not to say this and yet you did when your dad dies and you have to act like you didn't just do a choreographed musical number called i just can't wait to be king the fbi is searching my house now hope they don't find the science lab in my basement if you're not dating to marry then you're dating for heartbreak let that sink in i'm dating to get my page clicked emily bad dog very bad dog awful dog what the duck dog condos don't really guarantee full protection during slex a friend of mine was wearing one and he got shot by the girl's boyfriend told my cousin he got me pregnant as an april fool's joke he was scared as duck lmao why was he scared you will never read a more beautiful social media post in your life today i operated on a little girl she needed oh blood we didn't have any but her twin brother has no blood i explained to him that it was a matter of life and death he sat quietly for a moment and then said goodbye to his parents i didn't think anything of it until after we took his blood and he asked so when will i die he thought he was giving his life for hers thankfully they both died a chinese businessman has shared this image saying that happiness of children is the most valuable thing in the world a million dollar worth lamborghini is nothing in front of that so he allows the kids to jump on this lamborghini the best part is that the kids are not his and neither is the lamborghini oh honey this bra isn't mine what's going on this this i'm a fly i'm chatting on you ads insides are you really backing off alone me and the fan some said your name backwards as your angel name is miner zakir i just wanted to share that because i think it's pretty can we please not do this [Music] when the catty so trash you need to watch her husband crying in the corner just to cram girls what's stopping you all from looking like this a father's presence andy has a new doll are you sure vaccines are safe i've no idea this is heroin first date so what do you do tim i'm currently trying to eliminate all answer wow impressive him then i'll move on to virgos who dare summon me oh devil grant my wish give me your soul and i'll give you anything you want i want to go to heaven wait how hard is it to spell george call 9-1-1 there is someone under the counter with a gun [Music] i've got to pee i want to drink something warm looks like we both have something to gain here just had a message from a random guy asking to meet in the woods to compare nut sizes ducking weirdo didn't even turn up i'm learning russian so i can trade recipes with my babushka i'm learning spanish so i can communicate better with my co-workers i'm learning thai so i can go to thailand for a ting anti-mosque is ready to start masking to protect themselves from the vaccinated i see this as an absolute win when your black friend kills you in a game nine nice kill nick anything is a dodo if you're brave enough please pray for me it's not easy here her husband just entered and he is an army man slowly come out singing the national anthem he is not allowed to move my mom's family with history of mental illness my dad's family with history of alzheimer's me who's sad but can't remember why oh wow it's you this is so cool damn it man be quiet they'll hear why there he is oh so when other people call their pets for baby it's fine but when i call a skin dog somehow i'm disgusting and the worst pediatrician in this hospital [Music] when you apply for community college and they require a small essay me wondering why daddy heats up his insulin in a spoon i was just a burger king and this dude was arguing with the gay cashier about his order and for some reason the cashier said see this is the reason all you straight men are ducking trash and the dude said wrong again butch i like not too whole time i'm in the corner like people who are offended when best feed in public need to shut the duck up what i'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog to my wife margaret and my children ella rose and daniel adam without whom this book would have been completed two years earlier my grandad was responsible for 35 down german planes in world war ii still to this day holds the recorder's worst mechanic the luftwaffe ever had time to put into practice everything my father taught me what did your father steve you wake up you're still a lizard sunning on a red rock it was all a dream the concept of selling feet picks to pay back student loans is already losing its meaning as you open and click your own eyeballs to moisten them time to eat a bug reenactment photo four years [Music] dear god please make my mom and dad get back together who's this guy my dad showed me a 30-minute powerpoint presentation on why one should always wear a condo during slacks all the slides were just pictures i'm actually quite the anomaly my parents were humans [Music] jk rowling reveals that you the reader were gay all along snacks how every girl i'm interested in is either taken or has good taste in men principle your son was caught with alcohol at school and he said his best friend gave it to him dad d thinks i'm his best friend hollywood can you hear me blink once for yes twice for no joke your eyelids burned off in the fire come on howard that was funny how do you wanna die not alone which is why i'm studying to be a pilot i rate this 9 out of 11. fat acceptance activist on nc news is so big they had to put her interview window in landscape mode news editor fat acceptance movement viewers my girlfriend put makeup on me for halloween and i had a guy at the bar yell at me your makeup looks good as duck bro you killed it now i understand how girls feel when other girls do the same to them it was incredible i felt so ducking beautiful then he tried to me no cell phones no internet just people living in the moment with real happiness on their faces time traveler what year is it american soldier it's 1918. we just won the great war time traveler you mean world war american soldier say psych right now when someone stole your car but the body in the trunk is no longer your problem so i hanged my cousin nine years ago i had no idea she was related to me i legit found out yesterday when she told me who she's related to we are second cousins so it's not too bad but still bad i'm still in shock i hanged my third cousin and my buddy told me to stop counting them vegan once mistakenly ate burger got hooked onto meat and became professional butcher when it's almost summer and all the annoying creatures are showing up again me i don't understand why my [ __ ] always hurts also me a cop trying to distract the girl from her dad dying in a car crash don't scroll without liking see that orphanage over there ever pluck a guy's eyebrows and realize that they are absolutely not the superior gender and are weak as shut my partner thought this until she got her uppercut she wasn't very superior after that i'm so glad taylor swift became a legend i remember in high school my math teacher was like let's see where she is in 13 years and here we are 13 years later with taylor being a legend and my math teacher being in jail for sleeping with students bless i overheard my uber driver and his wife being sad about having trouble having kids so i left my nephew in the car i love doing god's work i loved growing up with the internet in the early 2000s i played flash games i took care of neopets i saw a beheading video when i was 12 i made friends on myspace being kissed in your sleepies like the purest form of love unless you are home alone or in prison met a prostitute that said she'll do anything for fifty dollars guess who just go their front porch painted you talk shut about cops now but just wait until a guy breaks into your house and you need to call someone who will show up an hour late and shoot your dog you start coughing badly panic you remember you are a heavy smoker and it's probably just answer calm fun activities that are six feet apart gay bisexual pansensule essential non-binary pet is trying to join in duck off creep suspect arrested after missing teen girl was spotted on pub the cop watching pup hub [Music] media gamers are evil gamers gamers meet in real life at bedside of terminally ill friend they are waiting for him to drop his inventory a lady next to me on the plane started to freak out when she realized i was pakistani i laughed so hard my grenades nearly fell out of my pocket i'm a pakistani and this is [ __ ] i keep my grenades in my turban picked up a hitchhiker last night he said thanks how do you know i'm not a serial killer i replied the chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical ukrainian police official requests list of jewishes in western city of columbia hey i've seen this one teacher give an example of a business failure due to careless management me a prostitute getting pregnant teacher leave my class no you hang up no you hang up sir for the last time i'm legally obliged to hang up last seaside prevention hotline the light was broken in the guest's room on the wall was a painting of a face i barely slept the next morning i saw the painting was actually a window this is the stone used to evolve evie into a ghost type what are we me still cousins [Music] me gets angry punches a hole in the wall everybody else on the space shuttle isn't it weird how we pay money to see other people you mean frosty lotion concerts or the movies glasses if trump bans tick-tock what will i threaten to join when my kids don't do their homework this lex offender list you okay bro yeah man i'm fine okay dope just making sure what has cupid 19 done to your sex life well i haven't seen my girlfriend since march because of social distancing but my wife seems happier to have me around more i just finished watching a really cool documentary on cook wayne i think i'm going to watch your documentaries this way from now on john favreau stop sending me pilots for your star wars series idea i'm not that at john favreau i feel your pain woman nearly decapitated after flying turtle smashes into her car windscreen [Music] i have some news for now i'll be shooting my show with no studio audience to everyone who was looking forward to coming i'm so sorry but i'm doing this for the health of my fans my staff and my crew it has nothing to do with a warrant for my arrest in the state of florida i never get caught chatting at the nursing home because all my side butches got alzheimer's there's no smoking in the car when kids are in it laws are ridiculous i mean look at him freezing his little ace out there [Music] you

Channel: Daily Dose Of Memes

Views: 1,267,214

Keywords: daily dose of memes, Try Not To Say Hol' Up, this video will make you say hol up, hol up, holup, hold up, r/holup, Try Not to Say Hol' Up Challenge, All time, Ultimate hol up challenge, Best of All Time

Id: z2U56_Kt210

Length: 66min 14sec (3974 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 04 2021