>> Tyrus: ALL RIGHT, WOO! WHAT IT IS. I'M TYRUS AND I'M IN FOR THE LITTLE FELLOW. BUT HE SENT A CLIP OF WHAT HE'S BEEN UP TO. CHECK IT OUT. ♪ ♪ WE REPRESENT THE LOLLIPOP GUILD, THE LOPY POP GUILD, THE LOLLIPOP GUILD. >> Tyrus: HE WAS THE TALL ONE. AS FOR ME MANY OF YOU HEARD I'VE RETIRED FROM WRESTLING. IT'S OKAY, BUT I'LL STILL CHOKE SLAM ANYONE WHO ASKS FOR JOE MACKEY'S PRONOUNS. BUT NOW THAT I'M RETIRED, I CAN FOCUS ON OTHER THINGS, LIKE MY KIDS. OR HELPING OUT AROUND THE HOUSE. CUTTING THE GRASS. FIXING THE WATER HEATER. CLEANING OUT THE GARAGE. MAYBE ORGANIZE MY CLOSET. I MIGHT FIND A PAIR OF LONG PANTS THAT ACTUALLY FITS. WHO KNOWS, MAYBE I'LL SEE MORE BOOKS AND READ MORE MOVIES. YEP. AND I'LL BE HOME ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME. ALL. THE. -- NO, I KNOW WHAT I CAN DO, I CAN SOLVE WORLD HUNGER. THAT WOULD BE EASY FOR ME, ALL I HAVE TO DO IS SKIP LUNCH. OKAY, MAYBE NOT. BUT I KNOW ONE THING, I CAN BRING THIS COUNTRY TOGETHER. NOW I'M STRONG ENOUGH TO PULL ALASKA SOUTH TO JOIN THE REST OF US. I CAN EVEN RUN FOR PRESIDENT. BUT I'D HAVE TO BE TWICE MY AGE. SO I SAY DOWN WITH DIVISION AND UP WITH HOME. NOW HERE'S MY PLAN AND IT STARTS AT THE TOP. AND THAT'S NOT JUST BECAUSE I'M TALLER THAN EVERYONE. NOW INSTEAD OF HAVING PRESIDENTS GET HIS POLITICAL OPPONENTS MUG SHOTS, WE COULD JUST DRAIN MUGS AND TAKE SHOTS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Tyrus: AND NOT THE FELONY KIND LIKE IN CHICAGO. THAT'S RIGHT, LET'S MAKE AMERICA DRUNK AGAIN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] THAT WAS POLITICAL. REMEMBER WHEN WE ALL LOVED BEER AND CHANTED TASTES GREAT LESS FILLING? IT TASTED HORRIBLE, WE DIDN'T CARE. EITHER WAY NO MATTER WHAT YOUR POLITICAL AFFILIATION WE ALL AGREED WE LOVED BEER. ACTUALLY WE LOVED THE BEER XHERNLS MORE THAN THE BEER, NO MATTER WHAT IT WAS. BEER BOTTLES PLAYING FOOTBALL, DOGS DRINKING BEERS AT POOL PARTIES, BEACH VOLLEYBALL SEEMED POPULAR, ANYTHING WAS POSSIBLE. YOU HEARD WHAT'S UP, YOU YELLED BACK WHAT'S UUUUUUP. NOW WHAT HAPPENS NOW WHEN YOU SEE A BEER COMMERCIAL? EWW. NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE'S MORE FILLING IN THE FRONT OF THE SPOKESWOMAN'S SWIM SUIT. EWW. BUT IT STARTS AT THE TOP. AND, NO, NOT TOP SURGERY. THAT'S RIGHT. WE HAVE TO RESPECT OLD CORN POP, HAIL TO THE 157 YEAR OLD CHIEF. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, HE'S OUR PRESIDENT, TOO. I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU GIVE ME THE SILENT TREATMENT. OR BOO. BUT HE'S THE PRESIDENT. AND IF YOU ARE MEAN TO HIM, IT COULD RUIN HIS VACATION. NOW, LOOK, EVERYONE'S MAD BECAUSE HE SAID NO COMMENT WHEN THEY ASKED HIM ABOUT MAUI. BUT TO BE FAIR, HE THOUGHT MAUI WAS THE NAME OF ONE OF HIS GRANDDAUGHTERS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Tyrus: I'M KIDDING, I'M KIDDING. I SAY WE HAVE TO FIND COMMON GROUND ON THINGS. FOR EXAMPLE, OUR PRESIDENT IS SO COOL THAT HE CAN TALK TO DEAD PEOPLE. [LAUGHTER] >> Tyrus: REMEMBER WHEN TALKING TO DEAD PEOPLE WAS COOL, WHEN THE LITTLE KID FROM SIXTH SENSE SAID I SEE DEAD PEOPLE. WE ALL LOVED IT. I WISH I HAD THAT POWER. NOW I CAN THROW A MAN THROUGH A BRICK WALL, BUT AFTER THAT CONVERSATION'S KIND OF DULL. BUT WHEN THE PRESIDENT TALKS TO GHOSTS, EVERYONE'S GOT A DAM PROP. I WISH I COULD SHAKE HANDS WITH A GHOST. [LAUGHTER] >> Tyrus: WHAT? I WOULD LOVE TO SEE A GHOST, AS LONG AS HE'S NOT WEARING A WHITE SHEET. [LAUGHTER] [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Tyrus: HEY, AND DID YOU EVER THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT MAYBE THE GHOSTS WERE SHAKING HIS HAND AND INTRODUCING THEMSELVES TO HIM BECAUSE THEY WERE TRYING TO BRING HIM TO THE LIGHT LIKE IN POLTERGEIST? [LAUGHTER]. >> Tyrus: CAROL ANN. WOO, OKAY, SO NOT SO MUCH INTO GHOSTS. OKAY, COOL. HOW ABOUT ICE CREAM? WE ALL LOVE ICE CREAM. RECENTLY OUR PRESIDENT WENT TO THE ICE CREAM PARLOR AND I FOR ONE WAS PROUD OF HIM BECAUSE HE WAS THERE FOR ICE CREAM. AND THE PRESS FOLLOWED HIM AND, OF COURSE, THEY WERE THERE TO ASK HIM QUESTIONS BUT THEY WERE A LITTLE NICER TO THIS PRESIDENT THAN THE PREVIOUS ADMINISTRATION. SO THEY ALLOWED HIM TO ORDER HIS LITTLE DELECTABLE TREAT AND HE GOT HIS LITTLE ICE CREAM. AND WE ALL REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED. HE TOOK HIS ICE CREAM AND HE TOOK HIS BITE. MR. PRESIDENT? HOW COLD DOES YOUR MOUTH HAVE TO BE TO NOT MELT ICE CREAM. NOW, I KNOW SOME OF YOU ARE GOING TO SAY IT WAS CHOCOLATE CHIP. CHOCOLATE MELTS, TOO. THEN IT HIT ME. HE'S DEAD. HEAR ME OUT. HE TALKS TO DEAD PEOPLE. HE FOLLOWS GHOSTS. HE CAN'T MELT ICE CREAM. IT'S THE [BLEEP] ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] HE'S NOT SMELLING HAIR, HE'S SMELLING BRAINS. [LAUGHTER] >> Tyrus: I'VE WATCHED ENOUGH WALKING DEAD TO KNOW A ZOMBIE WHEN I SEE ONE. NOBODY FALLS WALKING UP STAIRS BUT ZOMBIES. YOU SEE HIM WITH THAT BABY? LOOK AT HIM, ZOMBIE. [LAUGHTER] >> Tyrus: THAT'S SOME ZOMBIE [BLEEP] RIGHT THERE. FORGET IT, EVERYONE FOR THEMSELVES, BARRICADE YOUR DOORS. REMEMBER EARLIER WHEN I SAID AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SHOW THAT WE'VE GOT TO BE POSITIVE? WELL, I LIED TO YOU, AMERICA. THE ONLY THING I'M POSITIVE OF IS THIS IS A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. SO WE ALL HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER. AND IF WE ALL WIN MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, WE CAN MAKE AMERICANA LIVE AGAIN. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> PERIOD! >> Tyrus: YEAH, ALL RIGHT! LET'S WELCOME TONIGHT'S GUESTS. THE GREATEST THING ABOUT HIS BOOKS IS THEY BECOME MOVIES. NOVELIST AND LITERARY CRITIC WALTER KIRN [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Tyrus: HER INTERVIEWS GOT FLAGGED FOR UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS, HOST OF THE MICHELE TAFOYA PODCAST, THE ONE AND ONLY MICHELE TAFOYA [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Tyrus: HIS SHOWS ARE LIKE SEX. IT'S JUST TWO PEOPLE HAVING A GOOD TIME. COMEDIAN JOE MACHI. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Tyrus: SHE MAY BE PETITE BUT SHE KNOWS HOW TO COMPETE. FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR AND NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLING AUTHOR, THE KAT TIMPF! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Tyrus: ALL RIGHT, KAT. HOW DO WE FIX DIVISION IN THIS COUNTRY? WHAT WOULD BE YOUR MOVE? IF THEY CALLED YOU UP, THE WHITE HOUSE CALLED TODAY AND SAID TIMPF, FIX THIS. WHAT WOULD IT BE? >> Kat: I THINK THAT HONESTLY THEY WOULD JUST HAVE TO DO LESS. YOU KNOW, IT WOULDN'T BE -- THEY'RE TOO INVOLVED AND EVERYTHING'S SO PERSONAL BECAUSE POLITICIANS THEY WANT IT TO BE PERSONAL. BECAUSE IF WE HATE EACH OTHER, THE MORE THAT WE HATE EACH OTHER, THEN THE MORE OR THE LESS THAT WE'RE FOCUSED ON, YOU KNOW, WHAT THEY'RE DOING. AND THE MORE THAT THEY CAN CONVINCE US TO BE AFRAID OF EACH OTHER AND WE'LL, YOU KNOW, MAKE THE CASE FOR POLICIES THAT TAKE AWAY MORE OF OUR RIGHTS. BUT YOU SAID I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE POSITIVE, SO -- >> Tyrus:. >> Tyrus: NO, I DID, YEAH. WALTER, NOW BEFORE I GET INTO YOU, WALTER YOU KNOW I LOST MY TITLE, YOU KNOW, I GET IT. AND WE BOTH NOW OWN LAND IN MONTANA. AND BEFORE THE SHOW HE GAVE ME ANOTHER TITLE. HE MADE ME A SHERIFF OF MY PROPERTY SO I'M VERY EXCITED BECAUSE I'M NOW LAW AND ORDER. >> Michele THERE WE GO. >> Tyrus: THANK YOU. THANK YOU, MR. KIRN. AND BECAUSE I WEAR GLASSES NOW AND I HAVE THE SHAKES I'LL PUT IT ON LATER. WALTER YOU'VE SEEN IT ALL, IN THE MONOLOGUE I WAS JOKING BUT THERE WAS A TIME WHERE WE FOUND COMMON GROUND AND SOMETHING AS SILLY AS A BEER COMMERCIAL WE ALL WOULD TALK ABOUT IT. HOW HAVE WE GOTTEN SO FAR AWAY FROM ONE SINGLE THING. >> Walter: GREG GUTFELD HAS A HOT TO DO WITH THAT. I THINK HE'S DIVIDED THE NATION MORE THAN ANYONE. >> Tyrus: KAT AND I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS PRIVATELY >> Kat: YEAH BUT WE JUST SAY CRAIG BUTTERFIELD. >> Walter: REMEMBER WHEN ALL THE LATE NIGHT HOSTS AGREED AND GREG CAME ALONG AND GAVE ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE? AMERICA'S NEVER RECOVERED FROM THAT. I WAS SITTING HERE TRYING TO THINK, CAN I FIND SOMETHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT PRESIDENT BIDEN, YOU KNOW, WHAT COULD IT BE IN THE SPIRIT OF HEALING. AND I THOUGHT, I THINK THE THING I ADMIRE MOST ABOUT HIM IS HE INSISTS ON WALKING UPRIGHT. YOU KNOW, HE'S AT AN AGE AND IN THE KIND OF SHAPE WHERE HE COULD EASILY HAVE A WHEELCHAIR OR A SCOOTER, WHEELCHAIR ONE. [LAUGHTER]. >> Walter: HE COULD PUT A LITTLE FLAG ON THE BACK AND HAVE LIKE A BOOM BOX ON HIS LAP PLAYING, YOU KNOW, THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER. SO HIS INSISTENCE ON BEING A BIPEDAL UPRIGHT HUMAN BEING DESPITE ALL THE SETBACKS HE'S FACED I THINK IS SOMETHING WE CAN ALL CHEER FOR. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Tyrus: THANK YOU. MICHELE, YOU BEING ONE OF THE GREATEST INTERVIEWERS IN SPORTS HISTORY, YOU WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOME OF THE GREATEST RIVALRY IN SPORT BUT EVEN WITH THE RIVALRIES THERE WAS A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF RESPECT THERE. THERE IS NO RESPECT ANYMORE WHEN YOU DISAGREE ON SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS POLITICS. DO YOU HAVE -- I'M SURE YOU HAD TO INTERVIEW PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T STAND EACH OTHER. WERE YOU EVER IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU HAD TO BRING IT TOGETHER WITH ONE COMMON THING? >> Michele YES. BUT, YOU KNOW, I'VE LONG BELIEVED THAT EVERYTHING STARTS IN THE SCHOOLS WITH KIDS WHEN THEY'RE VERY YOUNG. AND I THINK OUR SCHOOL SYSTEM IN AMERICA IS ABSOLUTELY SICK RIGHT NOW. LIKE IT'S ILL, LIKE IT'S GOT A CANCER. SO I HAVE AN IDEA FOR YOU NOW THAT YOU'RE RETIRED. >> Tyrus: RIGHT. >> Michele I THINK WE MAKE YOU SECRETARY OF EDUCATION. OR -- BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT AN EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND RIGHT. >> Tyrus: THAT'S THE RUMOR YES. >> Michele YOU HAVE SOME FREE TIME NOW. >> Tyrus: YES. >> Michele YOU'RE A BIG GUY, NO ONE'S GOING TO QUESTION YOU. >> Tyrus: AND I DON'T HAVE TO GO HOME. >> Michele AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO HOME, YOU WOULD NOT HAVE TO GO HOME. AND YOU'VE MADE A LIVING BY FIGHTING BULLIES IN THE RING, RIGHT? >> Tyrus: YES. >> Michele YOU AND RANDI WEINGARTEN IN THE RING THE HEAD OF AMERICAN FEDERATION OF TEACHERS, AND THEN YOU TAKE HER DOWN AND THEN YOU SET THE RULES IN EDUCATION AND YOU MAKE EDUCATION GREAT AGAIN IN AMERICA. THAT'S WHAT TYRUS SHOULD DO [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Tyrus: THAT'S THE LADY WHO TALKS WITH HER ARM RIGHT? >> YES. >> Tyrus: SHE DOES A LOT OF THIS? >> Michele SHE'S JUST -- >> Tyrus: MACHI YOU'RE ALWAYS IN CONTROVERSY, WOMEN FIGHTING OVER YOU WHEREVER YOU GO, YOU CAN'T EVEN SIT DOWN FOR A FEEL WITHOUT BEING HIT ON. AS A SEX SYMBOL YOU HAVE TO BREAK UP CAT FIGHTS ALL THE TIME. HOW DO YOU GET BOTH SIDES TO AGREE AND ADMIRE YOU. >> Joe: I SAY LADIES, THERE'S PLENTY OF ME TO GO AROUND. I'LL SAY TYRUS CONGRATULATIONS ON RETIRING, YOU HAVE A GREAT CAREER. NOW THAT YOU'RE OUT OF THE WAY ALL MY ROAD BLOCKS TO THE TITLE ARE CLEAR. YOU'RE GOING DOWN EC 3, IT'S GOING TO STAND FOR EX CHAMP WHEN THE REF COUNTS TO THREE, OKAY? OKAY? AND I DON'T, I DON'T UNDERSTAND LIKE WHAT KIND OF ZOMBIE JOE BIDEN IS BECAUSE, I MEAN, LIKE WHAT KIND OF ZOMBIE HAS HIS DOGS FIGHT PEOPLE FOR HIM. >> Tyrus: HE'S A LAZY ZOMBIE, MR. KIRN ESTABLISHED THAT. EVEN ZOMBIES GET OLD. I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S TRUE. BEFORE WE GO COME OUT AND CHECK OUT MY LIVE EVENTS IN ALABAMA, VIRGINIA, TENNESSEE, TEXAS AND
