True Facts: Animal Awards

this episode sponsored by Hunter Killer welcome to the true facts animal Awards celebrating animals with Awards no I'm not gonna say fight co-produced by Jerry I mean that ruined the intro in the category things that look just like ants we have an honorable mention uh I should point out that it is an ant because someone forgot to specify things that aren't ants that look like ants as a runner-up we have a spider in the genus mirma Plata Jenny this one looks more like an ant and a half and look right there an ant's face doesn't split down the middle all of a sudden no wonder it's second place let's see the winner Jerry that's another real ant fooled you it's not it's a spider from the front it's not fooling anyone it's more like an ant ass mimic really could be its own category in the category of Jerry your mom's not a category that she had plenty of entries though burn do a real one oh that's better in the category of least inviting orifice honorable mentioned Millie here good job Billy terrifying orifice and it's a good reminder never to pick up a hippopotamus up by the top of it you pick a hippopotamus up by the bottom no Jerry I told you we're not doing the sea cucumber or because it is inviting not not for me for the fishes and the crabs that live up in there disqualified Jerry that's another sea cucumber what do you mean wait for it oh God it keeps coming but it doesn't change anything Jerry that I'm saying the orifice itself is still inviting it's what's coming out that's gross read the rules the runner-up goes to the bloodworm glycera dibranciata got a mouth like the devil's flashlight but it might be more inviting than the winner which is a freaking penguin mouth they got extra points because they're cute on the outside so it's like a fake out but their tongues and the roof of their mouth are covered with these spiny papillae helps with the fish swallowing apparently that's what you get when you don't evolve teeth the penguin was also an entry in the category hell no I wouldn't French kiss that but that award went to this freaking thing this right here is renatra linearis also known as a water scorpion or a water stick insect but I'll tell you right now from the point of view of the fishes it's more like a water insect they have these grabby grabby little front arms which they use to oh look at that it looks like he's using the duck weed like a little Halloween mask anyway when they catch the fishes they pierce them with this crazy proboscis that comes out the mouth hole and then they have another thing that comes out and slurps up the insides I mean look at that you're not gonna make friends tongue a fish corpse like that anyway congratulations winner French kissing that would be like a reverse colonoscopy no I'm right Jerry that's a reverse no what you're saying is not the reverse a colon that probes a finger is essentially the same procedure which is changes who's in charge oh the finger would pay for it all right when I give you that in the category why I wouldn't want to be a goat the winning entry was a goat listen we've all peed on ourselves a little right an accident or in the shower but it turns out when a male goat is in rut and I don't mean in a rut like depressed which would make more sense to me I mean like horny it urinates on its own face and not in like the spirit of youthful experimentation it's more of a full-on soak the beard thing apparently the female goats are into it mean no judgment but it's not my thing congratulations winner in the category of oh so that's what you sound like we had some notable entries there's the cheetah fearsome Predator but when it talks it sounds a bit like a mouse trying to rev a tiny lawnmower the damn thing won't start the links certainly a majestic animal but during mating season they sound like two drunk fraternity Brothers badly dubbing a Samurai movie foreign but the winner is the koala because come on who doesn't want a koala one of the cutest things in the world cuddly but they sound a bit like a donkey trying to swallow a choking Pig sounds like when you try to get the last of your drink through a straw but your straw is a tuba like a jackhammer in a bouncy castle we'll be right back with more rewards like most creative use of mucus and worst wasps but first a message about our sponsor I recently enjoyed a game by Hunter Killer they have a whole bunch of these murder mysteries where you get to play the detective this one here is the one that I played it's called Dead on the vine and I had to figure out who killed Gail the matriarch of a winemaking family the whole thing is delivered to you in a box and each box is like having your own personal escape room it's filled with evidence like police reports bank statements Maps photographs all the clues you need to solve the murder and let me tell you it sucks you in because it's designed soil it feels sort of real I mean look at that wine charm and stopper maybe I did have some wine while I played increases the difficulty there's a whole bunch of themes to choose from including collaborations with Nancy Drew agathic Christian Blair Witch you can get a single game a box set or even a subscription I had a lot of fun playing and if you're looking for a gift for yourself or someone else head over to hunterkiller.com zayfrank and use code z-e-f-r-a-n-k you'll get to take advantage of killer discounts get it and limited edition merchandise during their month of mystery I'm a fan and happy to have them as a sponsor where were we oh right in the category of things that look just like leap Jerry you did it again didn't you yep that's an actual Leaf Jerry but it's not the spirit of oh that's better some good entries here's the Indian Leaf wing butterfly then there's the green valliety excellent but the winner was this frog fooled you it's not a frog it's a leaf pretending to be a frog by the artist Rocco inue I flipped it on you in the category of most adorable thief the runner-up is the boxer crab look at it it steals these little anemones which become these stingy pom-poms which it uses to defend itself against predators but since it's holding onto the pom-poms it can't use its little crab hands to eat so it uses the tentacles of the anemone to pick up food particles come on that's cute but the winner in the category is this spider not the big one it's the little one off to the side it is a dew drop spider and it lives on the web of another spider in this case the joro spider it's what is droplet shaped and covered with a shiny material that makes it look like deer it's thought that this somehow helps attract prey to the web which the Juro spider then eats and the dewdrop spider snacks on as well look at that it even does some repair work on the joro's web in the category least likely to be a team mascot the winner is the Marine spoon worm try putting head on a jersey let alone a tattoo I mean I guess it could work for the Denver dick in the category of best fashion accessory to murder honorable mention goes to the parasitic fungus cordyceps one of the most beautiful Ways to Die gotta bring some extra chalk to that murder scene runner-up goes to the Barnacles sekulina carcini the female sankulina invades a crab's body it then castrates the crab and creates this sort of external mass that it uses to attract males and as is the way in nature the parasite benefits from the host's body and the crab gets a huge pair of ball the winner however is a parasitic flatworm called the green banded brood sack what happens is that a snail eats bird droppings that contain the eggs of this flatworm the worms then sort of take over the snail's body and cause the snail to go out into the open then the worms go up into the snail's eye stalks and pretend to be caterpillars which attracts Birds to come and rip out the ice of the snail and thusly to complete the circle of life in the category of an ass that's happy to see you honorable mention goes to the Hawaiian happy face spider that's got a wonderful cheek to cheek smile the spiny ore Weaver also gets a nod there's a bit of a creepy clown Vibe Jerry what the hell is that did it just fart out an ant it did look at it during that creepy doll face just farted out a name you don't see that in one of those Attenborough documentaries do you the Chilean four-eyed frog is the runner-up with an ass that you could lose a staring contest to but the winning entry is from a team of researchers that paint eyes onto cow's butts and not just for fun these eye spots reduce the number of lion attacks on the herd you try it paint some eyes on your butt I bet you don't get eaten by a lion in the category of most creative use of mucus this year's winner is the parrotfish who looks very smug about it if you ask me it creates a mucus cocoon which helps protect it from parasites while it sleeps and after it's done with it you got yourself an empty snot bag you could play with it or put your weed in there no I'm not gonna show your entry Jerry well for one because I don't believe you made all that mucus yourself alright well thank you for admitting it and I'm sorry too in the category of worst wasps I mean take your pick really the winner is the jewel wasps I'll tell you no matter what you think of cockroaches they don't deserve this first the WASP puts Venom in the body of the Cockroach to keep it from running then it stings it in the head to make it all loopy the Venom makes the Cockroach Dazzle and triggers it to start cleaning itself you know self-washing food it's so tame at this point it lets the WASP eat one of its antennas and suck out the juices the WASP can lead the Cockroach around like a pet and it brings it back to its little nest of horror lays an egg on it and then the baby eats it out from the inside a real dick move congratulations so to appreciate this one you have to imagine these roughed Grouse is listening to the end of a very impassioned speech you know like so if you want to call me a chicken that's fine you call me a chicken but I'll tell you right now every goddamn one of us is a chicken [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you

Channel: Ze Frank

Views: 1,537,539

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Id: 2xUKzeflvR0

Length: 10min 34sec (634 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 07 2022