TROLL BRIDGE | The Moving Picture

the wind blew off the mountains filling the air with fine ice crystals it was too cold to snow in weather like this wolves came down into villages trees in the heart of the forest exploded when they froze in weather like this right-thinking people were indoors in front of the fire telling stories about heroes um hey what took you so long i had to pay my respects to the mountain spirits you've been doing that an awful lot this trip and then i got ambushed by what this place is desolate it's been three days since we've seen signs of civilized life see this is exactly what comes from buying something that belonged to a wizard i looked at your teeth i looked at your hooves it never occurred to me to listen who do you think was bidding against you right let's go once we're through the past we'll be well into the gorge oh goody come on you must have plenty of treasure stashed away and we could go rimwoods how about it nice and warm get a nice warm place by a beach somewhere what do you say no treasure spent it all drank it all gave it all away lost it you should have saved some for your old age having an old age was never part of any plan of mine why do you think i'll come here what listen there's something i've always been meaning to do ever since i was a lad my dad said to me son when you can face down a troll in single combat then you can do anything you think you can kill a troll i never said that was part of the plan either listen i don't have to kill it just defeat it one on one man or troll and we've come all the way out here to do it i've got to when did you last see a bridge with a troll under it until when i was allowed there were hundreds of them now there's more trolls in the city than there are in the mountains that is butter most of them now if i turn back now my old man would roll over in his mound you told me he drove you out of the tribe when you're 11. best day's work he ever did hey taught me to stand on other people's [Music] feet [Music] [Music] so [Music] [Music] rimwood's nice and warm drinks with little umbrellas in them this is it and nowadays i can feel it are you sure maybe we have the wrong address i mean maybe there's another death bridge in the vicinity yeah probably uh [Music] i'm not sure this is a good idea [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] still got the old neca rooney and what's that supposed to do glow in the presence of the enemy look this is all very well and good but what if you have one of your dizzy spells again and your back is playing up how should i feel being eaten alive because your backs played you up at the wrong moment you should try not to let that happen did you hear that yeah what shut up right now cross that bridge all right where'd he go yes [Music] look looks traditional all right bridge like this people ought to expect the troll under it be hang about a commodity you creeping up on me because i'm good at it that's right he's crept up on more people than you've had fried dinners exactly you're in for it now oh where am i now no i wouldn't say that i reckon you still got a bitter fight left finger you must be pretty angry by now yeah you're fairly angry yeah no he's really gonna stitch you up mr troll i'll even give you a fighting chance hit me what hit me you bastard love you i'd do it if i were you it wolfy takes me back i'll bloody well hit you if you don't you can't kill him yes he can now hit me what you think you'll go in the barbarian do you what do you think oh wow what on my bridge well ah [ __ ] oh no that was all right it's all right you win you got me just let me get the family out here all right i'd always know when you'll never believe me on my bridge my bloody brother-in-law's always sweating about his used bloody wooden bridge it's all my wife ever talks about i'd like to see the look on his face now hold up no no no what can you think of me good question my kisser name you don't know what a lot of this is mr cole sir hey wait a minute barrel get up here bring the kids barrels always say we want to move out you know get something better but i'll tell her this bridge has been in our family for generations well it's always been a troll under death bridge it's tradition yeah what you want oh this is barrel oh and this this is my lead screen a real chip off the old block gonna take on the bridge when i'm gone ate this now look lad this is calling the barbarian what'd you think of that hey on our bridge we don't just get rich fat soft old merchants like your uncle pyrites gets we get probably wraps like they're used to in the olden days what rich is he rich has got nothing to do with it are you going to kill our dad of course he is that's his job in it but then i'll get famed in song and story this is calling the barbarian right not somebody from the village with a pitchfork he's a real hero come all his way to see us so just you show him some respect sorry about that sir kids today you know it is actually i'm not sure i do i remember my dad telling me about you when i was just a pebble he destroys the wood like a colossus he says keen with words your dad oh he's just a little old man he don't look very heroic to me and if he's so good why are you rich now look this this is what we've been waiting for all this time is it sitting under a leaky bridge waiting for people who never come waiting for little bandy legged old men i should have listened to my mother and you you want me to let our son sit under a bridge waiting for a little oh man to kill him that's what being a tall's all about is it when it ain't happening right doesn't get lit little man he gets big fat [ __ ] he's at somebody you should have gone in with him when you had the toss since when could we afford to eat worms smoke ah that stuff will kill you not to die it won't don't hang about talking to your no good friends all day today's your day for going down the sawmill you know church said he couldn't keep the job open if you weren't taking it seriously say rudy otherwise i'd probably start i'm not climbing all the way down the river to pull you out again you tell him about the billy goats mr big troll shut up shut up shut up there are no billy goats and anything in the country is a filthy filthy lie harpy actually i wasn't gonna kill you you would ah just throw you over the bridge and steal whatever treasure you've got you were besides i like to see people with good memories it's what the land needs now good memories yeah i try to do my best sir my son wants to go off to work in the city but i told him there's been a troll under this bridge for nearly 500 years so if you'll just hand over the treasure i'll be getting along treasure i've got a treasure oh come on a well set up bridge like this oh yeah yeah but no one uses this road anymore see you're the first one across in months and that's a fact the barrel was saying i would have gone in with her brother when they built that new road over ridge bridge but i told that this bridge had been all family for noyal yeah yeah i think i got it the trouble is the stones keep falling out but you never leave all those motions george bloody wolves you can't trust them huh yeah to tell you the truth i'm able to work three days a week down to my brother-in-law's lumber mill just to make ends meet thought you said your brother-in-law at a bridge one of them owns a motherbill over on sourwater one of them's got the bridge and a big fat one where he's a merchant overall bitter pike call our proper job for a troll but one of them's in the bridge business so bridge business sitting in a box all day charging people a silver piece to walk across sure on the other end well he's even worse you can't even tell him from human to the close-up who's church the one who owns the lumber mill the llama mill that's making a mess of cut shade forest you must have heard of it what the woods with the giant spiders in it spiders no spiders anymore it's all stumps stumps stumps i used to like that forest it was dark some you don't get proper dark some anymore oh do you really knew what terror was in a forest like that you want darksome he's replanting with spruce spruce it's not exactly an evil tree of basic spruce is it it was no one tree from another it's all down to clay he put him up to it there he's clay i said i've got three brothers indoors right he's the merchant bridge beef employee lumberer merchant anyway who says replant it will make the land easier to sell you can't settle cut shade forest doesn't belong to anyone yeah he says that's why you can sell it it's not right you told me you fixed that sorry that's all right best fall off all the time like i said do you know i have to go and have dinner with him every week and listen to him go on about moving with the times what's wrong with being a troll under a bridge i was brought up to be a troll under a bridge i want young screen to be a troll under a bridge after i'm gone what's wrong with that you've got to have trolls under bridge isn't you otherwise what's it all about what's it all for you know i can remember when a man could ride all the way from here to the blade mountains and not see another living thing well not for long anyway nowadays it's all farms little farms run by little people and fences everywhere everywhere you look farms and fences and little people people articles no future in just jumping out from under a bridge i mean i've got nothing against farms or farmers but you gotta have them it's just that they used to be a long way off round the edges now this is the edge i mean what's happening i remember all the big old wars don't you you must have fought oh i carried a club yeah it was supposed to be for a bright new future and and law and stuff but that's what people said awful because a big troll would have whip told me to you ever know what you mean i mean it wasn't for farms and spruce trees was it believes me with his apology for a bridge look i feel really bad you know you're coming all this way and everything it's and there was some king or rather and i i think there was some wizards but there was a king i'm pretty sure there was a king i never met him you know i can't remember his name i don't think they ever told me his name all right how much did you give him 12 gold pieces oh yes very charitable i didn't have more than 12. you must be mad yeah you know when i first went into the barbarian hero business every bridge had a troll under it and you couldn't pass through a forest like we've just been through without a dozen goblins trying to chop your head off i wonder what happened to em all you well yes but i always thought there'd be more no i always thought there'd be some more edges how old are you i don't know old enough to know better then yeah going soft in the head yeah giving your last dollar to a troll yeah bye for the sake of the way things should be for the sake of things that were and for the sake of three addresses one day i am going to die but not i think today the wind blew off the mountains filling the air with fine ice crystals it was too cold to snow in weather like this wolves came down into villages trees in the heart of the forest exploded when they froze except there were fewer and fewer wolves these days and less and less forest in weather like this right thinking people were indoors in front of the fire telling stories about heroes [Music] [Music] i'll sing you a song of a hero so bold exceedingly brave and remarkably old he rode from the bridge through the bleak winter cold just as the day was adorning he wasn't the hero you've come to expect with rippling muscles and glistening pecs but the size of his goosebumps commanded respect and his false teeth should act as a warning his false teeth should act as a warning i'll tell you off cohen for that was his name a century in the barbarian game he went to fight trolls for fortune and fame just as the sun was arising his motives for battle were noble and pure he dropped from the rich now to give to the poor which included himself he was reasonably sure and that wasn't really surprising that wasn't really surprising for barbarians lead an exorbitant life carousing and quaffing and looking for strife can empty your coin pouch as quick as a knife and the price of a loincloth keeps rising with strange extra costs that your old age can bring liniments trusses and that sort of thing and fitting your saddle with a hemorrhoid ring to make your rides less agonizing make your rides less agonizing [Music] as cohen rode on through the arable land a small scrap of paper grasped permini's hand it listed three targets so he had planned just as the [ __ ] was a growing it had already dawned on his valiant steed that cohen whilst acting with barbaric speed had forgotten that he didn't know how to read barbarians don't have the knowing barbarians don't have the knowing so the horse who was brilliant it just must be said could not only speak but occasionally read he took those directions rode where they led down where the river was winding a neat wooden bridge with a booth for control where a troll with a cap and a badge and a bowl unwisely asked cohen to cough up a toll you could actually hear his teeth grinding actually hear cohen's teeth grinding it wasn't the cap that drove cohen berserk not even the trolls rather feculent smirk but the fluorescent waistcoat the troll wore to work and the safety first badge he was wearing so cohen went round to the back of the shed and opened the door with the front of his head at which point the trollers quite sensibly fled leaving his gold coins for sharing leaving his gold coins for sharing then cohen rode on by the swift river's course astride his heroic and quite handsome horse he meant to get loot using maximum force just as the noon sun was gleaming he came to a lumber mill shiny and new where the forest was stumps now and then just a few and a red stripy tent selling spider leg stew you could almost see cohen's ears steaming almost see cohen's esteem the troll at the mill would not answer the door he had several guards and had hired many more to cohen's delight they attacked by the score just as the door was a closing for cohen had heroin down to a tee he climbed on the pile of their bodies with glee as the girl from the spider stole clung to his knee he stood there barbarically posing stood there barbarically posing the gold from the lumber mill safe in his grip he spent a few ticks relocating his hip and moaned that his back was now giving him jip just as the mill it was burning his aq and tinnitus started to buzz his lumbago had always disturbed him because he still had no clue what that actually was and his chill planes had started returning his chill planes had started returning the third troll a merchant who they weren't aware was a combat accountant gave cohen a scare by showing our hero his folio of shares and all his commodities falling but cohen too stupid to grasp the essentials gathered himself and with daring potential kick the trolls squarely in his differentials for a merchant that's truly appalling for a merchant that's truly appalling cohen wrote onwards his bags full of gold remarkably brave and exceedingly old he'd had quite enough of the bleak winter cold and bits of himself that kept freezing so when the horse said he thought that we should head for the coast and the warmth and the sea cohen just this time was forced to agree that horse was really amazing that horse was really amazing i've sung now of cohen the greatest by far so hark to my story wherever you are i learned the whole thing from a horse in a bar although he sang it quite badly it turns out the horse was a folk singer too he wrote the whole ballad and swears that it's true so now i am here and i've sung it to you and now you can all applaud madly now you can all applaud madly you

Channel: Snowgum Films

Views: 766,763

Rating: 4.9254756 out of 5

Keywords: #SpeakHisName, #GNUTerryPratchett

Id: V7v_TdLviUE

Length: 28min 32sec (1712 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 16 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Badikus]

that was pretty cool

[u/JediMasterZao]

that was amazing!

[u/ElephantBang]

I thought this was excellent, thank you

[u/neuralzen]

Thanks a ton for this, I've been looking for it for a long time!

[u/fezzuk]

Definitely worth staying for the song over the credits

[u/SPP_TheChoiceForMe]

That was really fun.