TRIGGERING EVERY NFL FANBASE: 2023 AFC EDITION

hi I'm Barry mccockner and it's time to trigger every NFL fan base 2023 Edition beginning with the AFC Baltimore Ravens people always praise you for winning two rings as Flacco and Dilfer and I know all of you Baltimore fans are just tickled pink by that but it's actually a sign of how badly you've underachieved we all know Lamar Jackson can't throw and is terrible in the playoffs but what about before he arrived thanks largely to Ray Lewis and Ed Reed Baltimore has had about 20 Elite defenses in 27 years of existence you guys should easily be sitting on five or six rings right now and to be honest you're just as big of Underachievers as the Packers for only winning two rings in the last 30 years but for the exact opposite reason your team's best player ever will always be the guy who took a plea deal so he wouldn't go to jail for being involved in a double murder what happened to the white suit Ray why was there blood in your limo Ray why did you tell your homies to not talk about what happened Ray the fact that all of you in the Baltimore Community have embraced this disingenuous [ __ ] who hides behind religion and even built the Statue of him outside your Stadium to honor is honestly disgusting Buffalo Bills I said in last year's roast of the bills that Josh Allen was the Vegeta to Patrick Mahomes as Goku but that was too nice the gap between Goku and Vegeta is nowhere near as wide as the gap between Mahomes and Allen if anything Allen is Yamcha Joe burrow is Vegeta and Mahomes is Goku yes Alan beat the odds to become a good NFL quarterback despite being terrible in college and guess what your team has Dick to show for it literally the Josh Allen era has produced more on-field dildo incidents than AFC Championship Game appearances meanwhile asthma Holmes continues to climb up the goat ladder what will Allen's Legacy ultimately be a talented Oslo ran whose best moment was in a playoff game that he lost better yet what will the legacy of the Allen bills be overall bitching and moaning so hard to change the overtime rules after 2021 even though the very next week the Bengals got a defensive stop that you couldn't in overtime against the exact same team in the exact same menu to go to the Super Bowl I am truly and honestly happy that Demar Hamlin is alive and well and his story is on unbelievable but all the great PR that he provides for your table smashing alcoholic fan base doesn't change the fact that he's not a very good player or the fact that you lost four straight Super Bowls that O.J Simpson is arguably the best player your team's ever had Cincinnati Bengals Joe burrow is the most overrated playoff performer in the NFL right now while I admit it's incredible how he's helped turn the Bangles into a contender after they spent almost their entire history being a joke he hasn't done anything to earn his clutch playoff reputation the Joe scheiste and Joe Burr personas he puts on when he's Iced Out and wearing Shades and fur coats before games looks cool I guess and makes the ladies wet but let's look at the facts folks burrow has played in seven playoff games in those games his defense has produced as many fourth quarter touchdowns as he has on offense one AJ McCarron has more fourth quarter touchdown passes in the playoffs for Cincinnati than Joe Bro does am I the only guy who remembers burrow producing zero points on his last five drives in Super Bowl 56 or how he had two fourth quarter drives tied at 20 need to win the AFC Championship game last year and produced zero points once again if Joe Burr was as clutch's reputation since he would be sitting on at least one and possibly two rings in the last two years I don't want to hear the offensive line excuses either all right they always conveniently pop up from Cincinnati fans whenever burrow doesn't come through in the clutch the facts are burrow holds on to the ball too long it's his biggest flaw all I'm saying is I'd like to see bro have one clutch playoff drive without a short field thanks to his defense producing a turnover before I anoint him as the next Tom Brady or better than Patrick Mahomes is that really too much to ask for Skyline Chili is just glorified diarrhea Cleveland Browns a sexual predator is your starting quarterback and your fan base roots for him to win that's it spare me the I hate that we signed Watson but I hope we still win routine hey [ __ ] you won't win unless Watson plays well just admit that you care more about winning football games than women being assaulted we all know it's true just say it Denver Broncos God I hate talking about the Broncos they've somehow become more irrelevant event than the Titans and jaguars in a way being irrelevant is worse than being straight up bad because nobody besides Denver fans will ever talk about the 2016 to 2022 seasons in any context ever again to go from winning the Super Bowl to missing the Playoffs seven years in a row is objectively hilarious though Russell Wilson is now Seneca Wallace with a Subway sponsorship but don't worry Denver fans I'm sure Sean Payton who missed the playoffs five times with Drew Brees as his quarterback and has presided over some of the most famous playoff meltdowns ever as well as that entire Bounty gate thing will lead you back to a title his one dusty ass Super Bowl trophy in 15 years as a head coach isn't exactly Vince Lombardi s Broncos fans are the equivalent of an insecure woman in her 40s who laments the sexy new chick every guy is spawning over at work now aka the Chiefs Denver fans could rely on KC being their little brother punching bags for so long but the tables have now completely turned and quickly by the time a homes is done KC will have way more rings in Denver and you Broncos fans can no longer hang your hats on John Elway being the best quarterback back to the vision has ever seen and just to be honest but Holmes is literally already light years better than Elway ever was at any point it's not even close either it's like comparing Usain Bolt to a special Olympic sprinter Houston Texans the youngest franchise in the league no offense to wander Franco it's going to be pretty impossible for me to top my Texan segment from last year's video but the sentiment Remains the Same your team sucks your team is mostly always suck besides when you add a sexual predator as your quarterback and your team will continue to suck for the foreseeable future CJ Stroud is going to be a massive draft bus strictly because he went to Ohio State and his face annoys me since he always looks like he's a bad pry the only thing I can say to Texans fans is do you think that you're cool being contrarians why the hell would any person who wasn't born specifically in Houston Texas root for a texas-based NFL team that's not the Cowboys you're like the edgy chicken School growing up who wore a choker and had red green purple hair and didn't shave her armpits was that too specific maybe maybe not but it accurately describes Texans fans they're all weirdos who will never get to experience success and you will die unfulfilled and oh yeah the Astros 2022 World Series title doesn't make their 2017 title any less fake Indianapolis Colts the Colts are a less successful version of the Packers their franchises are both comprised mostly of Midwestern races both have had a ton of great quarterbacks and yet neither have won as many rings as you'd expect congrats on finally drafting a quarterback in the first round after spending the last four years on one-year rentals Anthony Richardson should be fun to watch even though his chances of turning out to be a great quarterback in the NFL after being mediocre in college are smaller than George Costanza's shrinkage ar5 aka Big Tony as I like to call him should at least make Colts fans forget a little bit more about Andrew Luck quitting on them as I said last year Lux retirement still lingers in the air over everything this franchise does like a wet bar in an elevator luck was a quitter but I'm really gonna trigger Colts fans now are you ready okay Peyton Manning while one of the greatest quarterbacks ever was just as big of a playoff choker as his reputation you can blame his defenses and kicker is all you want but the facts are Peyton not come through enough in the clutch and he never once had a dominant title run Tom Brady would have won at least three or four rings on the Colts teams Payton had because as much as I hate to say it Brady was actually clutch as hell Payton has also gotten a complete pass for shoving a trainer's face in his ass quote unquote as a joke when he was in college because much like his brother Eli he's got the entire whole Goofy harmless white dude stick down cold and morons eat that up morons like Cults fans Jacksonville Jaguars congrats jagoff fans on winning an awful Division and a playoff game against the checks now Chargers who are famous for choking you think you're hot [ __ ] now huh Trevor Lawrence has sucked for 75 percent of his career and you all want to put him in the Hall of Fame right now you sick bastard as an Eagles fan I will always have a soft spot for visor enthusiasts ice cream boss Doug Peterson but doing a better coaching job than Urban Meyer isn't exactly the most difficult task now that your team has real expectations again for the first time since you choked away your random ass Conference Championship appearance in 2017 there's no doubt you will flop and miss the playoffs again Javon Walker is quietly on his way to being one of the worst first overall picks ever you guys could have taken Aiden Hutchinson sauce Gardener Garrett Wilson or Chris olave but instead you took a combine Merchant also one last thing I will pronounce Jaguars any way I want your shitty franchise has done nothing to make me respect you or the quote-unquote proper pronunciation of your team's name Jaguars Jaguars Jaguars Kansas City Chiefs we now turn to the team that has to pay off Carl sheffer's and the sod father to win Super Bowls Mahomes is great we all know this although for all of his Feats his quest to becoming the greatest quarterback ever isn't as clear as many make it out to be in five years as a starter he has two MVPs two rings and two Super Bowl MVP that's legitimately great Until you realize you should already be sitting on at least four rings let's really take a deep dive on my home shall we the quarterback he replaced Alex Smith had an amazing season in Andy Reid system in 2017 while Mahomes sat on the bench as case C made the playoffs for the fourth time in the last five years without him D Ford rightfully gets a lot of the blame for 2018. but don't forget Mahomes putting up zero points in the first half of that AFC Championship Game to lose to the guy he is chasing for the goat status he got hurt in 2019 Matt Moore came in and put up great stats for a few games before Mahomes won his first ring and Super Bowl MVP thanks to sexy Jimmy Garoppolo missing a wide open Emmanuel Sanders to build a homes out of a shaky performance then in 2020 he got hurt in the playoffs Chad Henney came in and beat Cleveland then Mahomes fell to Owen two against the guy he's trying to supplant as the goat in Super Bowl 55 while putting up [ __ ] stats once again in 2021 Mahomes choked away the conference Championship at home in the second half to waste a golden opportunity to catch up to Brady and rings and then last year he got hurt again in the playoffs and watched Chad Henney again come in and Lead Casey on a crucial touchdown drive versus Jacksonville then of course his defense bailed him out in the fourth quarter of the AFC Championship game with the game tied at 20 twice finally sheffers and the sod father worked their magic to make sure he got his second ring and Super Bowl MVP in the fourth quarter of Super Bowl 57. shout out to Kadarius Tony for setting the homes up with a heroic five-yard go-ahead touchdown drive as well Holmes is still five rings and three Super Bowl MVPs behind Brady and I doubt he catches them in those categories if he had been at his best in his two playoff matchups versus Brady he'd only be one ring behind Brady right now instead of five if Mahomes gets hurt in the playoffs again and Blaine Gabbert leads Casey to a ring I know most of you quote unquote Chiefs fans would be pissed because you're not really Chiefs fans you're just Mahomes fans and that's fine but you have to own it much like how Brady owns Mahomes in the playoffs Las Vegas Raiders congrats Raiders fans you finally replaced career loser Derek Carr with the gorgeous specimen Jimmy G that's the biggest win your team has had since 1983 when Ronald Reagan was still in his first term of pedaling crack into poor neighborhoods despite your status as an iconic franchise you've been completely irrelevant over the last 40 years besides the Tuck Rule game and getting your your back's blown out in Super Bowl 37 Tom Brady owned all of you for the last 20 years as a player and now he owns you in retirement literally you got three rings from 76 to 83 but you should be sitting on six or seven rings we all love John Madden but the fact is he was a terrible big game coach going two and six all time in championship games from 1967 to 1977 the Raiders made the AFC Championship Game nine times and had just one ring to show for it it would have been 10 times too if not for the Immaculate Reception in 1972. remember that but that's the past what about the future you got my homes in your division you're not winning [ __ ] for at least 15 more years and you all know it all you Raiders fans who wear jerseys to games and paint your face silver and black or pathetic losers grow up Los Angeles Chargers the Chargers are a loser franchise and Chargers fans know it despite all of his hype Justin Herbert couldn't make layoffs his first two seasons and then when he finally got there last year he immediately blew a 27-point lead yes I said he blew a 27 point lead he's always praised out the ass whenever he fires an amazing rocket downfield but is never blamed for his Bad To Mediocre performances that litter his resume Herbert has one of the greatest arms in NFL history but did you know he didn't even average 10 yards per completion last year I know I know Joe Lombardi but now Joe Lombardi is gone there are no more excuses for Herbert to play like Teddy Bridgewater and Jacoby Brissette despite his freakish athleticism immeasurables he barely runs or scrambles for first downs or touchdowns I know I know he was hurt last year well he was healthy enough to play and if you're out there there's no excuses let's see what did I miss oh yeah Nate Katie missing field goals in 2004 and 2009 Marlon McCree fumble in 2006. Philip Rivers had great stats but he was such a horrible clutch performer that he's not worthy of a Hall of Fame spot the only place Chargers fans will ever see Justin Herbert hoist and Lombardi trophy is on franchise mode in Madden Miami Dolphins is two are actually good now or is he still just a fragile noodle armed quarterback who is propped up by having Tyree kill and Jalen waddle disposal it doesn't matter anyway since Tua can't take a [ __ ] without getting a concussion and missing substantial time thereby capping this team's potential greatly it's a shame too because for the first time since the early 2000s Miami actually has a respectable roster this once proud franchise hasn't won a playoff game in 23 years and has only made it to the playoffs three times in the last 21 years as I said one year ago the faces of this franchise will always be two men Don Shula and Dan Marino Shula won two rings including the infamous undefeated 1972 season but overall was just two and four in the Super Bowl he coached both Johnny Unitas and Mourinho in their primes and won zero rings with them in fact he coached United's for seven years and won zero playoff games with him as starting quarterback he was the head coach version of a compiler he even missed the playoffs four years in a row with prime Merino but Mourinho is an innocent though he was Godly from 1983 to 1987 and then alternated between merely very good to Great the rest of his career never again approaching his early form almost all of his 10 playoff losses were blowouts and he led his team to just 15 points per game on average in them his defense is normally stunk and his Run game is always non-existent yes but if he was truly as good as doll fans say he was he should have won more than he did I gotta say building a statue for a guy who led your team to zero Rings even if he was as cool as Mourinho was is such a loser mentality to have especially when your team has two Super Bowl wins 62-7 baby 62-7 New England Patriot you want to see a cool trick I'm going to turn Tom Brady into Troy Aikman in five seconds are you ready Tuck Rule Butler interception Alfred interception turned element catch D Ford offsides those four plays are the difference between Brady being the goat with seven rings and Brady having three rings and countless cheating scandals with zero goat case and a worse playoff pass to rating than Blake Bortles Tim Tebow myth trubisky Baker Mayfield and Mark Sanchez that's how fickle legacies are but I'll stop now before I go down my Brady hate Wormhole and trust me I could do that for hours the only reason to watch watch the Pats since Brady left has been to see how well Belichick would do without him and after three years the results have been average at best Brady won the divorce improving his all-time divorce record to 1-1 belcheck has still never won his division without Brady in 10 tries that said does Brady win seven rings without Bell check [ __ ] no Belichick's defense is bailed Brady out countless times over the years especially early on in their partnership when Belichick either leaves or gets forced out by Robert Kraft the patch will officially become Irrelevant for the first time since 2000. most quote unquote Patriots fans during the Brady era were just Brady fan I don't know how many true Pats fans there actually are out there if there are any that aren't bandwagon [ __ ] who harass people's families online there's really nothing to say we all know you will never experience another run like 2001 to 2019 ever again current iteration of the Pats is so boring and mundane they're not even worth talking about Max Jones is average at best and in a stunning Twist of irony after 2001 to 2019 the AFC and afce specifically are so low loaded a quarterback right now but New England has absolutely zero shot at winning anything [ __ ] Boston and Boston accents New York Jets the Jets have a loaded roster specifically on defense it's just a shame they're wasting it by paying a 40 year old quarterback who hasn't made a Super Bowl in 12 Seasons a ton of money to be their leader ironically the last time the Jets made the playoffs was the only time Aaron Rodgers was lucky enough to get to a Super Bowl if you know a Jets fan who hasn't had sex in a while tell them not to worry because come January Rogers will [ __ ] them harder than they've ever been [ __ ] before regular season Rogers will wow you with his legendary arm talent and ridiculous touchdown interception ratio while racking up wins giving you false hope this is what he does but then at some point during the playoffs he will either disappear while the opponent turns the game into a blowout for patting his stats and garbage time to save face or as he has more recently freeze up and start taking a bunch of sacks or Miss open reads with a chance take the lead late he won't make the obvious back-breaking mistake like a far of interception but his low key way of choking is just as bad in the big picture it took me years to realize this and many people like you Jets fans right now still haven't realized it since you're hyping Rogers up to be like Tom Brady Joe Montana or even Patrick Mahomes guys who are actually clutching the playoffs giving your history of quarterbacks I can understand this but maybe this next fact will finally wake you up to what I'm saying Aaron Hernandez has played in a Super Bowl more recently than Aaron Rodgers long story short when this season is over you Jets fans will still be the same ugly ass losers you've always been Pittsburgh Steelers your fan base and Community cheered on and alleged serial rapist for 18 Seasons because he was good at throwing a football you don't deserve to have six rings an iconic franchise status three head coaches since 1969 is a legitimately cool stat it's also a sign of complacency and unwillingness to change I honestly don't know whether insulting Mike Tomlin makes Steeler fans upset or happy which in and of itself is a sign that they aren't very smart the guy has been there for 16 Seasons won a Super Bowl made two Super Bowls three AFC championship games and never had a losing season but he also has a losing playoff record and just a three and seven playoff record since 2011 so he's either the best bad head coach of all time or the worst good head coach of all time I do know that racism absolutely plays a part in Steelers fans hating him though because Bill Cower was just as bad of a big game coach with his many rings and Super Bowl appearances as Tomlin and he is beloved in the steel city because of his grit and toughness AKA white his awful two and four AFC Championship game record with all four losses coming at home should have kept him out of the Hall of Fame Steelers fans supported Deshawn rothersburger for 18 years yet absolutely have a cow anytime a black player celebrates a touchdown because they quote unquote don't like showboating wink wink the Steelers are one of the few NFL franchises with more Super Bowl wins than attractive female fans Kenny Pickett's absolute ceiling as a quarterback is being baby hands Alex Smith Naji Harris is Trent Richardson 2.0 with better PR George Pickens is the only exciting player on your roster and for the upteenth straight season you will be the most boring team in the NFL to watch you're the Iowa Hawkeyes of the NFL right down to the uniforms and racism oh you expected all these insults huh well I guarantee you didn't expect this next one I'm about to drop Mario Lemieux was not a better player than Wayne Gretzky [ __ ] all of you but with consent of course something Big Ben doesn't know about Tennessee Titans here's the Titans roster summarized a superstar player at the least valuable position in the sport a mediocre quarterback in his mid-30s and 51 NPCs even when the Titans are good they are irrelevant does anybody remember them making the AFC Championship game in 2019 or going 11-5 in 2020 or getting the [ __ ] one seed in 2021 no not any more or less than you do about them committing one of the biggest divisional title choke jobs ever to the Jaguars last year to miss the playoffs after 10 games Tennessee was 7-3 and Jacksonville was three and seven for [ __ ] sake if the Titans went 20-0 this season and won the Super Bowl in dominating fashion it would be forgotten about within two minutes after the game that's just how this team is under Mike Vrabel they've never had any Identity or year to year consistency outside of force-feeding Derrick Henry 30 times a game when he's healthy side note Derrick Henry looks like a real-life version of Will Smith's character from a Shark Tale they're never good offensively and defensively at the same time in five years under variable they've had two top 10 defenses and two top ten offenses but never in the same Season watching them play is like going to the DMV it's a very strenuous Endeavor I do find it hilarious how they've actively tried to move on from Ryan Tannehill each of the last two seasons through the draft but Malik Willis and will Levis are both so dog [ __ ] the team has had no choice but to go back for settling for Tannehill who after two great regular seasons in 2019 and 2020 is back to being the meh quarterback he was in Miami we all knew they would get destroyed in the 2019 AFC Championship game versus Kansas City but choking Away Home playoff games each in the next two seasons afterwards has left this current core nothing more than an empty husk of a team I mean [ __ ] losing a home playoff game to Lamar Jackson and then losing the next year when your defense gives you 9 sacks is ridiculous also Nashville and really any Southern State are largely racist cesspools if you enjoy country music there's a 99 chance you have severe brain damage don't try that and by that I mean listening to country music in a small town or any town for good measure please

Channel: Barry McCockiner

Views: 172,109

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Id: NVfPLda0hs8

Length: 21min 14sec (1274 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 02 2023