Totally Forgiving Ourselves Part1

we are in the midst of a trilogy on forgiveness this is a series so in case you've joined us Midway I want to deal with three themes one total forgiveness second totally forgiving ourselves and the third which has a controversial title but if you bear with me you'll see that it's not so bad after all and that is totally forgiving God but today I want to deal with the question of if I know God forgives me why do I have so much trouble forgiving myself I've been preaching for almost 65 years and 25 years at Westminster Chapel in London I suppose one of the most common questions that I would get every week how can I forgive myself people would say to me I know God forgives me I believe that but I can't forgive myself and I'm hoping that what I say today and there'll be a sequel to this will be a blessing to you I never will forget when I preached this in South Africa and a lady came up to me after the sermon it was an encouragement to me but she came up to me and grabbed my hand and just looked and said you have no idea what you've done for me tonight well I have no idea but obviously this woman had something in her past that caused her not to be able to forgive herself and the implication was that what I said helped her to do that and she was just very grateful well I'd like that to be the consequence of this talk today now I want to begin with a couple passages of Scripture at first they may not seem well connected but I hope to make it clear why I am using this the first is from Philippians chapter 3 where the Apostle Paul refers to to his past and he calls it persecuting the church as to zeal he said I was the persecutor of the church and then a few verses later the same Apostle Paul says forgetting what is behind he says forget what lies behind and straining over to what lies ahead I want to ask the question how can the Apostle Paul refer to persecuting the church which means that it was responsible for the lives of many we don't know how many were killed but he talks about this as being his pastor and now he later on says forgetting what lies behind I think what Paul how can you do that well I'll come back to that there's another passage that I want to read and this is from the book of Revelation where John puts it like this he said I heard a loud voice in heaven saying now the salvation and the power and the Kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down who accuses them day and night before our God and they had conquered him they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony for they loved not their lives even unto death well may God be pleased to bless the reading of this his most holy and in fallible world world and may he give me wisdom as I make it attempt today to apply this passage that hopefully will make a difference in your life brief word of Prayer Heavenly Father I asked now for the sprinkling of the blood of Jesus upon that person watching me right now in order that their perception his or her perception will exactly what you want that person to receive that it will be received as you intend and cleanse my tongue that I will be a transparent vehicle to pass on what needs to be said nothing that doesn't need to be said help me to be very very clear very very simple and I ask that this will be a life-changing word where someone is able now to forgive themselves who has battled with this problem of the past over the years never been able to overcome it but will from this day on do that and may this bring great honor and glory to your name I pray in Jesus name Amen well let me tell you a little story about this subject today totally forgiving ourselves some of you may know that I've written a book called total forgiveness and we've done some studies on this and I wrote this book many years ago I get a lot of letters unsolicited always encouraging most of them and I get a letter from a man that I have never met he lived in California and as far as I know he's still alive but here's what he said in the email thank you for writing your book total forgiveness but would you please please as soon as possible write a book that will help me to forgive myself well when I read that I thought he's right he's right now in my book total forgiveness I did deal with forgiving it ourselves saying this is part of it we should forgive others we should forgive ourselves but I didn't say much and when he said that to me I knew that it was a fair thing to ask but what he couldn't have known is I wasn't able to write a book on totally forgiving our sin what he wouldn't know is that I had a problem in this area and I mean a serious problem and I'm going to tell you exactly what it is or was God has helped me to overcome it but I knew that I would be a hypocrite to write a book totally forgiving ourselves when I had not forgiven myself I tried and tried and tried never could do it and so I sympathize with people who say I know God forgives me but I can't forgive myself well I have conquered it and I want to tell you how I've done it and I hope it will make a difference with you now people wonder when I say I've had a problem they are curious how what is that are you gonna tell us what it was well I will I will when we first came to England in 1973 and I had my first visit with my supervisor at Oxford in 1973 I never will forget what he said you wouldn't have expected this from an Oxford dawn but here's what he said he said these years in Oxford will go by quickly don't forget your family because you won't get these years back I remember it very well but I have to tell you I did forget my family and three years at Oxford went by quickly I can remember being there with our children and remember when we go to European in this summer and trips with them I remember all that vaguely and then what happened I was invited to preach at Westminster Chapel not expecting anything to come of it but to fast forward to the to the point they asked me to stay at Westminster Chapel well we had promised our children that we are going to return to America I have to tell you that our children struggled with English schools for whatever reason but I said don't worry we're going home soon and whenever we would say grace at the table our son TR would say God thank you for the food helped daddy to get his D fill so we can go back to America he did he prayed that every day well I was invited to preach at Westminster Chapel they asked me to stay and we stayed for 25 years but a few weeks or months after our stay TR came to me having struggled in his new school in Ealing London where we first lived when we moved to London lived in a suburb of Eber healing he said daddy you said we were going back to America and were still here I could hardly look at him in the eye twenty-five years later I was invited to do a 60 minute film for Billy Graham he wanted me to talk about my experiences in England for 25 years so different questions were put to me and then I remember the directors say well now that's 59 minutes we've got one minute left I'll never forget it he said dr. Kendall tell us about your role as a father and your family oh I said stop don't don't film because on this I have been a failure the 25 years of gone I put my church first thinking I was putting God first I put sermon preparation first thinking I was putting God first and now I believe when it's time to leave if I had put my family first I think I would have preached just as well but I can't get those ears back and it turns out this is the only part of that 60-minute film they use it's the only part they used they said it will encourage other pastors and so forth I said fine but you have no idea the guilt if the guilt I can't tell you how painful it was and then when this man says would you write a book that will help me to forgive myself I thought well I cannot do it but I'll tell you this God used that man some of you may recall that God used a man by the name of Jose its own when he said our team you must totally forgive them it changed my life it changed my life and I thank God for Joseph's own well now in much the same way this man I've never met him I'd love to meet him he could not know that his letter forced me to come to terms with the fact I felt like I have been a hypocrite because over the years when people would come into the vestry at Westminster Chapel and say how do I forgive myself and I would you know get give some thoughts and nice and I was saying some of the right things but the truth is that when that man said what he did to me it made me face the truth that I had not forgiven myself and so I had to work on it and I can tell you that I was able to do it and I want to tell you how I've been able to do this but you may wonder why I use this passage from Philippians chapter 3 where the Apostle Paul in one sentence says persecuting the church and then just two or three sentences before TSA's forgetting what is behind I want to say wait wait wait Paul do you realize what you've said you talked about persecuting the church don't you think you ought to say war do you feel no guilt do you feel no shame you just say persecuting the church forgetting what is behind but now I know how he can do it I know how he did it you see the Apostle Paul really did believe the gospel he preached he believed it so much so that he was able to overcome the self guilt that he had and he was able to do it and as I began to pray and think more and more and more I began to see that it's all down to the gospel we either believe it or we don't and I know this that it's one thing to preach something over the years and then another when you come to terms with what you really believe and I was forced to this so I thank God for that man and God has been patient with me and I just want you to know I sympathize with anybody who's listening watching right now you've had this problem now I want you to consider different things now what I just mentioned what I had to forgive myself for that may be nothing compared to what perhaps you've had I can only picture what might be the case with with people you might know that in addition to my book total forgiveness I wrote a book called totally forgiving ourselves so of what I'm saying today is in a book he goes into far more detail that I was able to do on in a situation like this God enabled me to find some fairly well known people who endorsed my book I was very proud that dr. J I Packer Jim Packer arguably the greatest theologian in the world today he endorsed my book and that meant so much to me you've heard of perhaps Oral Roberts who was involved in healing ministry for many years he endorsed this book and I'll tell you a story I preached the sermon I preached the sermon which I have a lot of it is is what you're going to hear but I have a sermon on forgiving ourselves and I preached this at the cove the Billy Graham training center in Asheville North Carolina and some of the Billy Graham team were there George Beverly Shea sat on the front row listening to this sermon that you're going to hear her and others and do you know what I was amazed how these people said this is what we need and one of the men said I'm going to make Billy Graham himself listen to this because he needs it and happen to know that Billy Graham's greatest guilt and it's all right for me to say this because the family have talked about it his greatest guilt is that he didn't spend enough time with his family and so I know that this is a common problem but yet I'm thinking if somebody watching right now your problem is far perhaps more complex or more hurtful for example I wonder if you are feeling guilty today and you can't forgive yourself because you gave up too soon and have always wondered what might have been or someone else you've let people down and the guilt is overwhelming someone almost certainly watching right now you have fallen into sexual sin and the guilt is overwhelming here's one I suppose someone watching you've had an abortion and that haunts you every day you are unfaithful in marriage you were sentenced to prison for crime you abused your children you lied to your best friend you ruined another person's career you injured your health through carelessness you wasted years with the wrong company you gave wrong advice and hurt another person's future you have lived with the wrong choice in life that you made early on and it's too late to do anything about it or maybe there's someone here you've waited too long it seems to get right with God in any case we've all got problems in this area and I just want you to know that not only does God forgive you if that is you've confessed your sin to God this is why Jesus died on the cross it was for the forgiveness of all our sins and I can tell you right now the way to know that your sins are forgiven is to recognize that you are a sinner you have failed him you have come short of the glory of God and you don't justify your past you say I know I've sinned and you ask God to forgive your sins and then there's more you give up any hope in your good works you transfer the trust that you had in your good works to what Jesus did for you on the cross and that means that you are trusting his death I might add his life because he lived a sinless life he had a sacrificial death and his life and death this is what saved you and by trusting the blood that He shed and not your good works God gives you an instant pardon and your sins are forgiven you will go to heaven when you die and that is done as far as the East is from the West that is health are your transgressions are removed from you and thank God for the promise he has not dealt with us after our sins he hasn't rewarded us according to our iniquities no but he gave us something we didn't deserve his son for God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life and if you have done this not trusting your baptism your church membership your good up bringing or all the nice things that may be true about you but you know the only thing that will save you is the death of Jesus well I want you to know your sins are forgiven done but many of us who have done just that have still got things in our past and although we know God forgives we struggle to forgive ourselves now want to give a definition of what I mean by forgiving ourselves or as I have put it totally forgiving ourselves the reason I put it that way is because the first book I wrote is total forgiveness and now we must totally forgive ourselves and what that means is we let ourselves off the hook as God lets us off the hook when we asked for the forgiveness of our sins and not only do we let ourselves off the hook but we refuse to think about it anymore and we just let the past be past or as Paul put it forgetting what is behind even if it's such a horrible thing as killing Christians as Paul was guilty of doing and he could just say forgetting the past well he think and forgive himself for what he did well this ought to be what what helped us to see we can forgive ourselves in the same way now I want to begin by showing why we should forgive ourselves and I want us to see that the first reason is that God himself wants us to do this now strange as this may seem to you do you know when I could see this for myself I was free why I hadn't seen it over the years in the way that I came to do I'm without any excuse this is where I feel like I have been an utter hypocrite because this is the very gospel I preached and I've preached it all over the world for years and years and God has used me and yet would you believe I still had this guilt and I was able to see by the help of the Holy Spirit that God Himself wanted me to do this and when I began to see that this is what he wanted this is what he wanted and that not not forgiving myself displeased him I thought I've got to do this to please God I was named after my father's favorite preacher he went by his initials he was Artie Williams and my father named me Robert Tillman and I've known nothing but Artie all my life well I grew up knowing about Artie Williams and he had a saying that he would give to ministers were every went and it went like this honor the blood and honor the Holy Ghost that's where he put it it's another way of saying word and spirit the blood of Jesus the atonement and the Holy Spirit and it's a way of bringing the Holy Spirit and the word together but his way of putting it honor the blood and referring to the blood of Jesus well thank God for this I was brought up to have an enormous respect for the blood of Jesus I have never changed I have never moved this is why when I start a sermon I pray for the sprinkling of the blood of Jesus upon me for the enable for me to preach well for the viewer the listener to be sprinkled by the blood of Jesus you have no idea how many times a day privately I refer to the blood of Jesus it's precious to me and I want you to know that that blood so satisfies the Justice of God that when you begin to think of not forgiving yourself you are dishonouring the blood that Jesus shed and I began to see it's amazing how all the years I preached this but the penny didn't drop in a certain way that's an expression and they used in England when the penny drops when something clicks and you finally believe it well isn't it strange that it took all these years but I can tell you this when I saw this it meant the world to me and I am ashamed that I waited so long but God in His mercy in his timing brought me to the place but I will tell you another thing my problem was self-righteousness you see I felt guilty and forgiving myself for being such a bad parent over the years and I thought I shouldn't get off off the hook this quick this easily this is the way I've thought for a while surely this is too easy but then I saw that this is the gospel this is the gospel and as I'm going to show today or perhaps the next time the difference between true guilt and false guilt guilt that is sin and guilt that is not sin but pseudo guilt in the same way I began to see that true guilt can be forgiven just by one trust in the blood of Jesus you transfer the trust that you had and your good works to the blood of Jesus that does it and if you really believe it you believe it and this is what helped me to do but my problem had been self-righteousness and I saw that myself I'm embarrassed to admit this this gives me no pleasure to admit that after preaching all these years I've been so self-righteous the whole time but all I can say is God was patient with me and I was able to do it and I've been a changed man as a matter of fact this is Suffolk I guess you could say is funny that I've had more people since my retirement from Westminster Chapel and by the way this event that I'm talking about when I forgave myself that came a couple of years into our retirement when we were living in the Florida Keys I've had more people come up to me and say you preached better than you ever have before why didn't you preach like this at Westminster Chapel well all I know is having been able to do what I'm talking about it set me free it set me free I'm a better man I'm a better preacher and I just hope that in bringing this to you will make a difference in your life well the first reason that you should forgive yourself it's what God wants you to do he's not wanting you to feel guilty he's not wanting you to carry around this guilt and this burden no that's why he sent his son to die on a cross and if you'll believe it and say Lord I'm not worthy of it I know I'm not worthy of it but I accept it and don't look back and that honors the blood that honors God but now I've come to reason number two why you should forgive yourself and the answer is because it's what the devil does not want you to do mark it down a good way to know what God's will is is Savior I wonder what the devil would want me to do well figure out for a moment what you think the devil would want you to do and then do the opposite and you'll get it right well I can tell you right now the devil does not want you to forgive yourself I'll tell you why he loves it when you live in bondage he loves it when you live in guilt he loves it when you're not in freedom and the devil doesn't want you to see how wonderful it will be when you're able to forgive yourself it's a defeat of the devil you see this is why I read that passage Revelation chapter 12 verses 10 11 12 they overcame by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony and we're told that the devil was called the accuser of the brothers that's the nickname for the devil in a way his job description you see he's a liar he's the father of lies and what he does is to accuse and he loves he loves to make people feel guilty and one of his best ways to do it is to throw up a person's past and say you cannot possibly be a Christian with a past like that or even if you say I know God forgives me but the fact that you cannot enjoy the freedom that comes from forgiveness the devil will focus on that and try to keep you from honoring the blood well I can tell you why should you forgive yourself first it's what God wants you to do second it's what the devil doesn't want you to do and third you will have inner peace and freedom from bondage of guilt the Bible says where the Spirit of the Lord is there is Liberty are you feeling guilty do you have a problem with guilt now in a moment I will talk about false guilt a true guilt but whatever guilt however you feel when you just feel guilty all the time you see the devil loves that he wants you to feel guilty you see that's what he does best and I can tell you when you forgive yourself you will be amazed at the freedom the freedom that's why I'm sure that lady came up to me and South Africa after I preached this sermon on totally forgiving ourselves and she just was overcome with joy and said you've no idea what you've done for me well I want that to happen to you reason number three why you should forgive yourself that agree to which you forgive yourself may directly relate to your usefulness in other words let me ask you this question how involved are you in the work of the Lord let me put it another way do you have assurance of your salvation I never will forget in early years at Westminster Chapel there was a particular man who would come into the vestry and his problem was he wasn't sure he was saved he didn't have assurance of his salvation and so I tried to talk to him and I said well are you involved in the church no I said are you a church member no well do you do anything in the church he said listen if I get assurance of salvation then I could be useful in the church I've got to get that dealt with first well I would go over the gospel and you know what he would leave the vestry saying I feel so much better I've got it and then two weeks later he'd come back to see me same problem still not involved not doing anything for the work of the Lord but struggling over assurance of salvation he would come back a month later same problem and for several months I don't know how many times he came in six seven or eight times and then I didn't see him anymore for nearly 25 years and would you believe during my last year at Westminster Chapel the same man came into the vestry with the same problem he couldn't believe that he was saved and I would show him again and he said yes yes why didn't I apply this and here was the thing how much I helped him in the end I don't know but for some 25 years now not in church that is to say being involved in a church didn't do anything for the Lord because he's always struggling with assurance of salvation you see this is important for you to know the devil doesn't want you to have assurance of salvation and John says 1 John 5 I've written these things that you may know you have eternal life you may know it's so simple but sometimes the devil will appeal to a person's deep theology or his being theologically minded this problem was that was what the this man had he was very theological and no matter what I could do I wasn't able to help him and here was 25 years wasted I have no idea if he's alive today but here's the thing he wasn't involved it wasn't church member he didn't do anything for the Lord and the devil will get people like this I hope that if you have a problem with knowing whether you are saved that my talking to you today may just help you to see it it's so simple 1 John 1:9 if we confess our sins he that's God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness and God wants you to have that the devil doesn't want you to have that well I'll tell you another reason you should do it you may not have expected this but it's a fact it will help you to love people more you see people that are struggling with their path and can't forgive themselves for their past are often people who are so self-absorbed that they can't care that much about people you may say well I don't care what people think of me oh of course you do of course you do do you want to be the kind of person that when you walk into a room everybody else said oh look who's here you don't want that but those who have learned to accept themselves and accept their forgiveness they like themselves and they love people and that brings me to the next thing people will like you more they're going to want to be with you people that always have the same old problem there are those that we've known over the years they always focus on themselves never crosses their mind try to help others they're still having their problem and want to be focused on and people like that just don't have many friends because when they see your coming they think oh dear what do I do here comes a person wants me to help with a problem again well what I'm saying there are fringe benefits fringe benefits from being able to forgive yourself because it will affect you as a person here's another thing totally forgiving yourself will enable you to fulfill all of God's purpose for you I can tell you this is the thing God has a plan for your life the devil doesn't want you to come into that well let me put another way every Christian is called to come into his or her inheritance some do some don't and the reason some don't is that Devil diverts them from the joy of the Lord and this joy is yours here's another reason you should forgive yourself you ready for this your physical health is at stake now in a previous program on total forgiveness I mentioned the fact that doctors medical people have said that holding a grudge in is injurious to your health not forgiving people for what they've done to you can lead to high blood pressure arthritis kidney disease heart condition there's no question that that can happen even more so if that's possible when you won't forgive yourself you see if if this happens to you and you can't forgive yourself and you've also got a lot of physical problems you'll be amazed now I'm going to tell you a story that may be a little hard for you to believe but it's true I preached in a church in North London probably 15 years ago this sermon they wanted this sermon and I preached this sermon and while I'm preaching a deaf lady was totally healed because it was translated to her through sign language and something happened and she could start hearing and the people wrote me a letter several months later it said this is true this is true now I can't say that happens every day I preach I wish it did but it did once and it just goes to show the connection between not forgiving yourself and your health and that comes out to another point you may have expected this your emotional and mental health would be at stake you know I knew of a psychiatrist who said he can heal any psychopathology in one hour if he could get his client not to feel guilty well I can tell you forgiving yourself is a good place to begin if you have an emotional problem because most psychologists psychiatrists whether the Christian or not will tell you that guilt is the main problem it's the common denominator for all psychopathology particularly people that have emotional problems psychiatric problems and it goes right down to this they cannot forgive themselves well what I'm doing today is showing you that there's a way forward I don't dismiss the good that some psychologists psychiatrists can do it I'm up in anyway wanting to compete with them but I can tell you you may be amazed to find out what you will be like when you do embrace Jesus Christ and his blood and just accept it this can happen and you will be set free and I come to the last point to this should be the most obvious of all but your spiritual health is at stake God wants you to forgive others he wants you to forgive your enemy he wants you to forgive those who have tried to hurt you and he equally equally wants you to forgive yourself and let yourself off the hook and it will do something for you spiritually because you will be affirming the reason God sent his son into the world to die on a cross well God is no respecter of persons and all those who will come to embrace the love of God as in His Son Jesus lived a perfect life for you you need to know this we're told in Romans 5 we're saved by his life I think a lot of preachers don't make much of it they mentioned mostly his death but Paul added were saved by his life how is that possible well you need to know the whole time Jesus was on this earth he lived a perfect life he kept the law for you he was circumcised the eighth day well obviously his parents did that for him and then when it was a thirty years of age he was even baptized for you yes John the Baptist said I'm not gonna baptize you you baptize me oh jesus said to fulfill righteousness you must baptize me you see the reason you don't have to be baptized to go to heaven is because Jesus was baptized for you and the moment you trust the blood of Jesus all he did is put to your credit his perfect life his life he kept belong he never sinned all that his righteousness his goodness is put to your credit and believing this and living this way is what will set you free where the Spirit of the Lord is there is Liberty well if the Apostle Paul who had a lot to answer for what a shameful past and maybe you you've got a shameful past we all have things in our past that were ashamed of most of us do we've all got skeletons in the cupboard God is not anxious to yank out the skeleton to show the world no he will let you save face he will enable you never to look at the past again and you see the devil is the great accuser oh yes he has a computer printout on your life and your sins he remembers sins you've forgotten about you wake up at 3 o'clock in the morning and can't sleep the devil will point out something to you and then if you're not able to resist him he will bring you right down he's the accuser by the way the next time the devil accuses you of your past remind him of his future because in that same passage in Revelation chapter 12 we read the devil knows he's got but a short time he will go to eternal punishment he wants to take all with him that he can and he'll do all he can to get you to lose the joy of your salvation well that's going to be it for today but we'll have part two god-willing of the same subject totally forgiving ourselves Heavenly Father I ask you to apply this word by your holy spirit in Jesus name Amen

Channel: RT Kendall

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Id: ADc38O0qe3k

Length: 44min 58sec (2698 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 25 2020