- Oh.
- Oh. - Hey.
- Oh, my gosh. - It's cool. It's-
- No, I sp- Here. Uh. Dude. Why you rubbing
my boyfriend? I-I just- I spilled coffee on- Get away from him. I have great news that'll cheer up
this whole family. - What is it?
- Tell us. I went to the animal shelter
and got us... a dog. Uh, yep. I'm the new family dog.
Woof! Sikowitz, will you please tell
this amateur that dogs can't talk and that they don't walk
on two legs. Woof! And action! Uh, I went to the animal shelter
and got us a dog. Awesome. Uh-oh. Looks like this dog has
bugs in her fur. Uh, woof. - Ew.
- Gross. Oh, it's okay. I read on the internet
that coffee works great for getting rid of fur bugs. - Maybe you shouldn't, um-
- Jade. What's the prob, dog? The next letter's H. Hey, why don't you go jump off
that cliff over there? I think you should. - Just where did you come from?
- Kangaroos. Lousy animals, kangaroos.
They're awkward and dirty. Maybe they learned from you. [chuckles] No one talks to me like that. Obviously, someone should. Please run in front of a bus. Quite obnoxious of you to say. - Really?
- Sure was. Thanks. Up your nose, I see boogers. - Very clever.
- Wish you thought of it? X marks the spot
I'd like to punch. Your finger smells weird. Zero is what you are
on a scale from one to ten. And back to the letter A. As if I care what you think. Better watch yourself. - Can't take it?
- Don't push me. - Eat your pants.
- You eat your pants. Wait. AHH. Sorry, Jade.
The next letter was- F, I know! Get up, alien. Head, feels dizzy. I know
what'll make you feel better. Jumping jacks? Kiss me. Let's do it. [cheering, applauding] Need some help? - Yes.
- Interesting. Um, can I ask a quick question
before I start? [groaning] I thought
you guys were my friends. I'm not your friend. So this is what you did
with your locker? Yeah. What's wrong with letting
other people be expressive on my locker? Well, for one thing,
they can do that. Yeah? Yeah, well, my locker's
smarter than your locker. The bird left. [sighing] You guys ready? - Uh-huh.
- Whatever. Okay. I don't like it.
I still think it's dull. Yeah? Well, then maybe
I should... make it shine. [beeping] - Oh.
- Very nice. Okay, are we going to eat
or what? Oh, yay, food. He's a professional stunt man. I invited him here to teach
the class about stage fighting. And now Tori says,
"What's stage fighting?" I wasn't going to say that.
What is it? I took a class
with him last summer. Well, it looked
like he was hurting you. Why do you care? Because I figure he already suffers enough pain
dating you. You want to see pain? Hey, why don't we go sit
over there? Darren and Jess. Tori and Jade. Tori and who? [bell ringing] Uh, wait. I'm not comfortable
with my partner. Just a second. Hey, partner. I can't wait
for our fight... scene. - Give me your money.
- What? I ain't playing. Give me
your money and your watch. Well,
wouldn't you rather have this? Ow! - Butternut! Butternut!
- She's bleeding. - Cut. Let me see, let me see.
- You okay? No. Tori, hit me in the face
for real. No, I didn't. Tell that to my bloody eye. Ow. - Alright, you better sit down.
- Somebody grab a chair. Yeah, quickly, get a chair. Quick. Get a chair. - Here, here, here.
- Yeah, here we go. Just sit down. That was a breakaway chair. I don't get it. What? I know Andre told you
that I faked everything. The blood, the black eye.
What is that, mac and cheese? Looks like it, right? Why are you here? Why are you here?
Why didn't you tell on me? Cause we both go to school here, and it's not going to be
much fun, for either one of us if we're fighting all the time. So, you're just going
to let me get away with it? You took detention
and a lower grade, and you're scraping
crusty pudding off the wall on a Friday night
just so I won't get in trouble? Pretty much. Well, you can't be nice to me
when I've been mean to you. That's not how it works. Well, then try being nice
to me sometime. Maybe that'll work.
Now, go play. I got to scrape
this onion dip off the wall. [sniffing]
Or onion pus. This... might be more fun
with some tunes. [music playing] [music playing] [music playing] Hey, D, Come scrape with us.
This is fun. All right. [music playing] Here, try it with two. [music playing] [music playing] [music playing] [music playing] That's so great. What movie? I'm taking your pickle. Oh, great, here comes Jade. [music playing] Can we sit somewhere else? Nope. [sighing]
Fine. We'll sit with the girl
who can't keep her mouth shut and got you fired. [music playing] Beck, I swear,
if there was anything I could do to make it up to you,
I would. I bet you would. [music playing] One, two.
Don't let me get to three. If you were my girlfriend... Great way to start the question. Would you be all freaked out that I'm just friends
with Alyssa Vaughn? Who cares what she thinks? Honestly, I wouldn't love it. I care what she thinks. How can you say that?
You don't even- You know, I really don't want
to be in the middle of this. - No, you stay right here.
- No. You don't think a girlfriend
should just trust her boyfriend? - No, I- I do.
- Get out of here, Tori. - I'd love to.
- Stay. [groaning] - All right, you know what?
- Tell me what. No, no, don't tell him what. - We're done.
- Jade. So you're breaking up with me? No, no, no, no, no, she's not. Yeah, I am. Oh, she is. Jade?
And now you're in my house. This kite is broken. Okay, and? I was just walking around,
and I saw this kite stuck in a bush, and- and it's broken,
and someone needs to fix it. You want me to fix your kite? Will you forget
about the stupid kite? I'm sorry I brought it up. I want Beck back. But you broke up with Beck. I know.
Just like when I was seven, and I threw away
my Potato Patch Pal but then I realized
I wanted him back. But it was too late because
my mother already gave it away to some greedy orphans. [crying] Jade, if you want
to get back together with Beck, then why don't
you just tell him? I did, but he rejected me. Um, not to be mean, but why are you coming to me
for help? Because I don't want anyone
who's cool to see me like this. Okay, maybe you should-
Wait, are we fri- We're not even friends. Well, yeah, but if you help me,
maybe I'll like you. So if I help you, I get a mean friend
and a broken kite? Please, just please,
talk to Beck for me. [crying] [crying] [crying] Okay. Okay, okay,
I'll talk to Beck. Do it soon. I got a little makeup
on your pillow. It's okay. I'll just... ask my grandmother
to make me another one. If she ever comes back to life. Help me. I tried. Maybe you just need
to forget about Beck. For- What are you doing? And now we're in a closet. How can Beck not want me back?
I'm so cool and hot. I've got it all. Yeah, but guys don't just care
about how cool and hot you are. But what else is there? Beck said you haven't done
one nice thing for him in two years. That is so not true. We've only dated
a year and 11 months. Okay, go on. Go in there.
Go lick Beck's face. Good boy. Okay, if this makes
Beck like me again, I'm gonna owe you big time. You already owe me big time. [screaming, barking] A dog! - What's going on?
- I don't know. Who's dog is this?! Beck?! Beck?! Are you okay?! Does he sound okay? [screaming]
This hurts! - Beck! This is horrible!
- I know. Now,
he's never gonna take me back. That is not the key issue
right now. He's hurting me! What is going on? - Ah!
- Beck?! - Help me!
- How can you be out here? You're in there being
mauled by a dog. A dog? My dad's in there. - Your dad?
- Oh, my god! Dad! Tori told me to get you a dog. Dude. Okay, it was kind of my idea, but I didn't think
the dog would bug out like that. I just wanted you to have a dog, because I know you've talked
about getting one ever since I met you,
and I thought that maybe... You love me again. Who said I stopped? Aww. I ruined the moment. It's cool
and I really do owe you. Hey, um,
it's getting kind of late, so I was wondering if maybe
you could drive me home. It's not that far a walk. Vega. Tori. What? Try this coffee
and tell me what it tastes like. Hazelnut? I don't know,
I found it in the garbage. Hey, Tori. Hey, Tori's friend. Yeah, I'm not really her friend. Who are you
and why is your number blocked? Jade? Wait. Jade? I didn't-
Why are you screaming at me? How is it my fault that Rob-
Jade. Okay, okay, yes,
I'll watch it. Right now. You guys better give me back
my clothes, or I swear I'll- Ah! Turn off the camera. Why? You look so cute. Dance for us, Robbie. Give me back my clothes. Should we? - No.
- No. Yeah, I think we need
to put this video online. - No.
- Sorry. People wanna see
what the people wanna see. You can not put
this video online. I bet you are all familiar
with the short film called Butter Face. - Yeah.
- Of course. Oh, my God,
I've watched that movie online like a billion times. Yeah. Who hasn't? Ah, so what's the plan? I don't know, you're smart.
She's mean. Come up with something. Yeah. It's so fun to put on humiliating costumes,
and dance around like idiots for sticky little
three-year-olds. Four-year-olds. And my mom grew
those flowers in her garden. They're lovely. Hey, Vega. Hey. Here's your theater
history book. Thanks. Why is it all black now? I have black paint. But- But why would you paint- So who's that? Uh, this is Danny. - Hey.
- What's up? Why you talking to Tori? He goes to my old school. Sherwood. He... He was my boyfriend. Girlfriend. So why'd you dump her? - Jade-
- Can I guess? Cause I got a lot of guesses. I'm actually- You- You don't have to- Tori broke up with me. Oh. And how did you celebrate? Do you ever take a day off? So, what you doing here? Yeah, what are you doing here? Well, I've kind of been dating
this girl that, you know, goes here,
and I was supposed to meet her- [squealing]
Daniel. Hey, babe. [giggling] This is the guy
I've been telling you about. My boyfriend. Oh. [giggling] Daniel, these are my friends,
Beck, Jade and that's Tori. Yeah, we- we've met. Really? You know Daniel? Oh, she knows Daniel. Hey, can you pass the salt? Why should I? Cause my French fries aren't
salty enough. [sighing] Sorry to put you
to that trouble. Aww. Well, this is so nice. Daniel gets to have lunch
with his new girlfriend and his used girlfriend. You know, you can try
and make this awkward, but it's not going to work
because unlike you, everyone at this table is
mature. Ow! Tori, come out to play. Leave me alone. Tell us what Jade will be. Love to. Jade will be an innocent
farm girl from Alabama who's always super sweet
and nice and never gets upset
about anything. I'd rather slam my tongue
in a car door. Hey, you. Why, hello, officer. Isn't this just
a lovely shindig? I can see your belly button. Why, yes,
that is my belly button. Have you ever considered
filling it with Raisin Bran? Well, no. My name is
Betty Sue Goldenheart. I live on a farm in Alabama,
just north of a little- Now you're eating Raisin Bran. Mm. I just love eating cereal
that's been manhandled by your filthy hands. - All right, let's view this.
- Crank it. Wait.
Don't you want to wait for Jade? - Jade's here.
- I'm here. Wait, when did you get here? Half hour ago. Well, where have you been? In your room. You have a lot of things
in there. Wait. I don't- I don't. So let's see it. Here we go. Jade! Jade! Alright, alright, alright. Okay. No, no. Okay. That phone conversation
never happened. I saw it! I need some more pink lemonade. And the next time
that you two have a girl fight, could you call us first
so we can get it on video? Or... they could reenact it. Action! [screaming] - Bobby!
- Camera! [screaming] [screaming] [laughing] [screaming] We'll give you more stuff later. Cool.
[bell ringing] Wow. They were great. - We can do better.
- What you got? Okay. What if Mr. Janitor got us
in trouble for something, and we got so peed off
about it that we, uh, maybe take
our anger out on his car? You can't trash
the janitor's car. He got us
those cute little chocolate mops for Valentine's Day. We don't trash his real car. My dad's boss owns a junkyard. We get him to drop off
a piece of junk car here, and we wreck that one. And say it's a janitor's car. [gasping]
Wow. I wish I'd thought of that. Oh, right, I did. Wait, that janitor didn't give
me a chocolate mop for Valentine's Day. He didn't? Ha ha. Camera crews here. Let's fake some reality TV. Action. This is what happens when a school janitor gets us
in trouble. Janitor's car, feel the wrath. Whoo! Yeah! [screaming, thudding,
shattering] [screaming] Hey! What-
What are doing to my car? Your car? What is going on here?! Um, we were wrecking
this junker car for the show. The Wood. - Keep going.
- No. Shut up, buddy. Okay.
This is Festus' car. You said some guy dropped off
this junker car for us to whack. Yeah.
He must have meant that one. Oh, man,
we abused the wrong car. This is so slow. Oh, come on, Festus,
it's not that bad. My car has radio. So what do you want us
to do about it? Sing me a song. [sighing] <i> ♪ Move your body
Right next to mine ♪</i> <i> ♪ Feel the beat
And we're lost in time ♪</i> In Spanish. [singing in Spanish] [singing in Spanish] [singing in Spanish] Jade.
I'm not going away. And you can't just say no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. All right, well, you can. [bell ringing] Blaine, can you come here,
please? Don't move. I'm staying here
because I want to stay here. What's up? Jade is the captain
of the ping pong team, and I want to try out
and she says I can't. Yep, that's what I says. Oh, come on, why do you all have
to drag me into your problems? See, look what it says on the official
Hollywood Arts' website. [groaning]
My life is slipping away. Read it. "All students are encouraged
to participate in school sanctioned events,
clubs and sports teams." And how can I participate
in ping pong if the team captain here refuses
to even let me try out? You got to let her try out. We don't need more players. Read the phone, Jade.
Read the phone. Well? You didn't make the team. What? I beat everybody. I don't care.
Read the school website. "When a student tries out
for a sports team for which there is no coach, the team captain shall decide
if the student is granted or denied acceptance
to the team." Captain says denied. But you can't- You can't just- Read the phone, Tori.
Read the phone. Don't you steal my phone
in face bit. I can't believe
what she's wearing. Yes,
I'm wearing a ping pong uniform! You said you reminded everyone
to bring nice clothes. - I did.
- You didn't remind me. Whoops. Give me your dress. What? Give me... your dress. This dress? [piano playing] <i> ♪ So tell me
That you love me anyway ♪</i> <i> ♪ Whoa oh oh ♪</i> <i> ♪ Maybe if you take one more ♪</i> <i> ♪ So tell me that you love me
Yeah ♪</i> Jade, listen, I read your play
and I think it's really good. I'm not your friend. Well. Anyway, if the school won't
let me do my play, then who cares if it's good? Why don't you just produce
your play yourself? You know how much money
that would cost? No. Did she cut up
that whole trash can with just a pair of scissors? How much do you think
it'd really cost - to produce your play?
-I don't know, two, three grand. Okay, well, then,
it shouldn't be that hard to find someone
to put up the money. You'd really find me someone to put up the money
to produce my play? - I meant that-
- Hey! Did she not say,
"It shouldn't be that hard to find someone
to put up the money"? She did. [indistinct chattering] So you'll do that, right? Sure. Good. This is a nice little theater. Right? And this restaurant lady, who you barely know
is really going to pay for this place? She's paying for everything,
the whole play, the full 3,000. She really hooked you up. Huh? Love me? Love me now?
Yeah, you do. Come on, give Tori squeeze. Here. I'll playfully punch
your arm as if we were friends. I'll take it. Okay. Well, I got a lot of work
to do here. I gotta ask Sinjin if he'll help you
with set dressing. Maybe Robbie can do the lighting
if I ask. - Hello.
- Hey. Look, it's Tori Vega
with the beautiful cheekbones. Hey, you. Jade, this is
Mrs. Lee from Wok Star. Oh, it's really cool
to meet you. - Is this our playwright?
- That's her. Yeah, I only have a few notes. What do you mean, notes? You know,
ideas to make the play better. Spice it up a little bit. What changes do you want
to make to my play? Jade. Well, like, what if
when the girl falls down into the well, she sings
a song on the way down? It's not a musical. But it could be. But it's not. Who sings when they're plunging
to the bottom of a well? Batman. I, uh,
I don't think Batman sings. Look, I'm just trying to help. Don't get your underpants
in a twist. I'll twist your underpants. Okay.
[chuckles] I think we can all work this out and keep our underpants
untwisted. I don't need anyone's ideas. Well, you need my money, so you have to listen
to my suggestions. - No I don't.
- Jade. - You do too.
- I do not. - Jade.
- Do too. - Lady. I'll smack her.
- Jade. I don't see you smacking
my money. You listen. I don't- - Are you insane?
- No, she is. She's paying
for your whole play. I don't need her input. Too bad.
That's how show business works. - It seems wrong.
- Oh, it is. Do you want that lady's money
or don't you? Yeah. Then play nice. Why are you being such a baby? Okay, so you're not getting
to do your play exactly how you want, but at least
you're getting to do it. Mm-hmm.
And how do I explain that... What? Tell me. Hold out your wrist. [sighing] I invited my dad to come see
my play on opening night. - And?
- He hates me. Uh...
but why would anyone hate you? He doesn't understand
creative people. He thinks that wanting
to be an actor or writer or director is stupid.
So I invited him to my play cause I thought it was going
to be really good, and hopefully make him finally have
some respect for me. But then you let your restaurant
lady turn it into a joke, which is just going
to make my dad think he was absolutely right
about my dreams being stupid and pointless.
Thank you for ruining my life. Pssh. Dads. Thanks, Tori. That really helps put things
in perspective. - Hey.
- What? What? Will you calm down? Sorry,
I'm just freaking a little. There is nothing to worry about. You guys,
I was getting into costume and I dropped my bra
in the toilet. Nothing to worry about. I don't talk like that. Wow. He looks kinda- Like he hates my guts? I was going to say cold
and judgmental. That works too. Look,
you don't have to freak out. Your play is going to happen
exactly how you want it to and the guys are going
to make sure Mrs. Lee never gets here. - Dad.
- Jade. Just say whether you liked it
or not. Friend of yours? Eh. Well... get what you wanted? Mm-hmm. I've never seen him look
that happy before. Come on, give Tori a squeeze. What? You're not sweating. Uh-huh? Having fun there? How can you not... be sweating? I don't sweat. Everyone sweats. - Not Jade.
- Jade never sweats. What do you mean
she never sweats? Sweating is gross,
so I don't do it. So what,
you're just, like, cold-blooded? - Hey.
- What? Does it worry you
that you never sweat? No. But what if one day
all your sweat, like, builds up inside
and you just explode? I would love that. Oh, I wish I could go
to Karaoke Dokie. Why can't you? Who cares why she can't? I was just wondering why she- What, you need Tori to be around
to have a good time? - Is that your point?
- Dude? - What?
- Jade. You're lucky to have Beck.
Don't be such a gank. - Hi.
- Hello. We brought you frozen yogurt. Why? You know,
frozen yogurt doesn't solve all the world's problems. I told you
to bring her doughnuts. Why aren't you being nice? Why do you look disgusting? Trina. [grunting] Oh. Listen, we need to talk to you. It's really important. All right. Let's go outside.
So what's up? Last night we went
to Karaoke Dokie. These two girls were really mean
to us. Like, Jade level mean? No, not that mean,
but really mean. Want to help us get back at 'em? Tonight? I gotta take care of Trina. Don't worry about that. <i> ♪ I try to talk to you
But you never even knew ♪</i> <i> ♪ So what's it gonna be?
Tell me, can you hear me? ♪</i> <i> ♪ I'm so sick of it
Your attention deficit ♪</i> <i> ♪ Never listen
You never listen ♪</i> [music playing, cheering] [laughing, music playing] <i> ♪ So what I'm gonna do now
Is freak the freak out ♪</i> [cheering, applauding] [cheering, applauding] Whoa, whoa, wait, wait. Wait for what? The crowd hasn't voted yet. Yeah. Okay,
all those for Haley and Tara. [like clapping] All those for Louise Nordoff. [cheering, applauding]
