Come on, let's just go.
It'll be fun. No. Why not? Cause I didn't shower
this morning and I had tuna fish for lunch,
and I- Jade... do you have a question
for me? Can I come to Yerba? Hmm. Maybe. But first... You gotta give me a hug. Just do it. Aw, see. Giving Tori a big old hug isn't
such a bad th- Okay, that's really tight. Oh, God, help me. [giggling]
Yay. Cupcake power. [giggling]
Whoo! Hey, Cat. Cat, Cat, Cat,
Cat, Cat, Cat, Cat. - Yeah?
- You're killing me! Answer me. Answer me!
I'm so hungry! Robbie! He likes it when you say
"Base to Shapiro". Oh, I care what he likes.
Why won't he answer us? Oh, you turned it off! You've been talking
into an offy-talkie. Somebody just get me a sandwich! If Beck wants to date that. I hope he has tons
of fun with it. - Uh...
- What? You're hurting your burrito. What should I get Trina? Talent. Okay, Jade, what do you hate? Uh, tuna fish, flowers, uh,
giggling, the word 'panties', cilantro, rainbows, ducks;
Man, I hate ducks... cramps, string cheese,
clocks, wet doorknobs, bras that hook in the front,
the color yellow... carpeting. Oodle oodle ooh. Huh? Oodle oodle ooh. Are you ticklish?
Oodle oodle ooh. [grunting] - Who told?
- Told what? About me, about me on Pear Maps. I-I told no one. I told people not to look. Well, then it had
to have been Robbie because... What do you mean
you told people not to look? I tweeted it on The Slap. You- What did you tweet? Just "Please do not go
on Pear Maps and look up Hollywood Arts. If you do,
do not zoom in on Jade. P.S. She's not picking
her nose." I made it super clear. - What?
- Just run. Run fast and far. [grunting] Hey, Jade, as a guy
who used to pick his nose... I'm here to tell you
it gets better. Ooh. No. Sh. Sh. Settle. Settle. I'm sick of this. Ice cream reminds me
of my childhood. You didn't have
a happy childhood? My favorite toy was a hammer.
You finish the puzzle. I read on the Internet
that coffee works great for getting rid of fur bugs. Maybe you shouldn't, uh- Jade. What's the prob... dog? [slurping] [slurping] [slurping] No! [slurping] Worst night ever. Oh. You think
I'm having fun on this date? - Cause I'm not.
- Then let's not talk. Fine. You know- [whining] There is no good reason why you
and I shouldn't be able to sit here together
and have a conversation. - I got a good reason.
- Which is? I don't like you. Really? You can't think
of one thing that you like about me? I like when you're sad. Okay. Try again. Reach deep down
into your twisted, bitter soul and see if you can find
anything nice to say about me. Um... Okay.
You're singing isn't awful. Hey. Oh. - My name's Gilbert.
- So? Oh, my God. Stay with it, Gilbert. I- I- I really like your shoes. I hate these shoes. They're ugly,
and they hurt my feet. Well, then why do you wear them? Cause I like to punish myself. Well... I-I think you look
really nice today. Oh, so yesterday I looked gross? No. No, no, no, that
I just meant that- That I usually look disgusting,
but today I got lucky? No, not at all. I- I just-
I just- Forget it. I'm not asking her out.
You can keep your money. Hey, what's this? Oh, this is just a fatty lump
that I removed from a cab driver's back. Can I have it? What school do you kids go to? I have to go see
another patient. I'll be back in 20 minutes. - Why would you want-
- I like to look at it. [laughing] What's so funny? Are you laughing at that video
of Trina getting hurt? No. [screaming] I'm laughing at the comments. - You posted it online?
- A little bit. I'm touching Elvis's guitar. See, I'm Elvis Presley
and I'm touching my guitar. That's right, baby. I touched the boss' skull and now I'm touching
my special guitar. See, I touched the guitar
and nothing bad happened. [shattering] [crashing] That guitar was not
properly hung. Great.
I spent nine hours of my life violating pints of ice cream
for nothing. You know how I love drag racing? No. Well, I do, and Jade
has always refused to go to a race with me.
She says it's stupid. I'm voting with Jade
on this one. Don't care.
There's a big race tonight and Jade is gonna go. Oh, cause of Sikowitz. Yeah, she has to say "yes". Yeah. Very clever. Hey, Tori,
remember when you asked me to come over your house tonight
to help you make homemade pizza? Uh, no, not really. You asked me to do that. Don't you remember?
I want you to remember that. Will you please remember that? Yes. I remember that. Great. I'll be over
at your house at seven. - Wait. I was gonna ask-
- I already have plans. You're stranded
on a boat in the ocean. I don't go in the ocean. Just let him finish
the question. I don't like the ocean. Guys, we are trying to help
our friend with his game show. You know what happened to me when I was in third grade
and I went into the ocean. The Dolphin was just being
friendly. Take care of him. I promise. [crying] Well, I'm not missing this. Hey, Vega. Hey. Here's your theater
history book. Thanks. Why is it all black now? I have black paint. Watch. [panting] Woof.
[chuckles] [panting] Pull your head back in the car before I roll up the window
and cut it off. My head's back in the car. Now call Tori and find out
where Beck's taking her. - Bossy.
- What? I'm calling Tori. You are wearing this
to the Cow Wow. - Okay.
- What, you don't like it? I- I said, "Okay". You barely even looked at it. I just- I don't- This is the first social event
at the school we're going to
since we got back together. - Okay. - You wanna know
what I'm gonna wear? Uh. I'm gonna wear a Hawaiian skirt, a black western top
and a cowboy hat. - That sounds great.
- What is wrong with you?! Excuse me, Jade. Uh, I'm Brayden. From history class.
You borrowed my notes. Can I have them back now? I- I- I could...
Oh, God. I'm sorry. Thanks, Brayden. [sighing] Hello. I hear you're looking
for a new ride to school. I am. Why? I'll pick you up
tomorrow morning at 7:15. You? Why confused? Well, you know, why would
you offer to drive me to school? Okay, you always complain
that I'm not nice to you. And now that I'm being nice
to you, you question it. No.
No, I-I mean, thanks. I'd love a ride. Perfect. Give it. Hey, guys, um, can I ask you- Shut up!
I'm opening a Christmas present. Brunch. Oh, my God, Cat, you did not. [squealing, giggling] - Scissors?
- They're special scissors! Okay. They're from a real movie. I can not believe
you got me these. What movie were they used in? The Scissoring. Wait, that-
that one about the girl who comes back from the dead and uses a pair of scissors
on her two best friends? Yep. Starting with the pretty girl. Walking on the catwalk. If someone was pushed off
this catwalk and they landed on the floor really hard,
do you think they'd live? Why are you asking that? No reason. Hey, I heard my name. Jade, what are you wearing? Is that? Oh, yeah.
This is a copy of the costume that Tawny Walker Black wore
in your favorite movie, The Scissoring. Whoa. Look, Moose brought me roses. Did you bring any for Jade?
No? Okay. So rehearsal, we were thinking
we should meet at- We were, uh, thinking
we should meet- We- Goodbye. And look. These are the actual scissors
from the movie. Oh, my God, that is so cool. I gave her those. Yeah, and look how sharp
they are. [gasping] I don't trust that Ryder guy. Well, you just hate the idea of anything good happening
for me. That could not be more true. I'm just saying, any dude
that hot and that perfect has to be hiding something. So I guess you think
Beck's hiding something. Oh, he was until I found out. What- What was I hiding? That you were born in Canada. It wasn't a secret. You insensitive witch! You liar! Look, Sinjin told me
the winning team on Brain Squeezer splits
$10,000, And I want my share
of that money, Vega. I mean it. I want my slice. You are scrunching my shirt. Okay, I came up
with the perfect team. Why is Jade here? You're not part
of my perfect team. You're putting
your suck fish sister on our team? Our team? Suck fish? Oh my gosh, that is us. Oh, yeah,
I'm wearing my red boots. Uh,
can you zoom in tighter on Jade? I think. Ah, zuma zoom zoom. Um. [gasping] No. Okay? No, I-I'm not- - Picking your nose?
- Cat?! I was not picking it. I was just scratching
the outside of my nose, like this. Well, yeah, you see,
from this angle just looks like you're- Don't say it! Just walking through school. Hoping the flour bomber
doesn't ruin my awesome, expensive outfit
by, you know... flour bombing me. That better not happen. Okay. There's my girl just blending in
with the crowd. I want to know
who that flour bomber is. Ah, so you wore that
to get his attention. Yep, and when he tries
to get me, I'm going to grab him,
and wrestle him down to the ground. So this is what you did
with your locker? Yeah. See, it's-
it's a dry erase board with a bunch of colorful pens
in a convenient cup. So whoever wants to can write
or draw whatever they want. But you're supposed
to decorate it yourself. It's a Hollywood Arts'
tradition. Well, what's wrong
with letting other people be expressive on my locker? Well, for one thing,
they can do that. - I hate you!
- I love you! - I hate you!
- I love you! [screaming] I hate you! Um... I like your car. I'm so glad. I thought you only liked
to drive at night. Oh, I prefer to drive at night, but, you know,
anything for a friend. Right. Right. [squawking] Um... Where are we? Just driving to school. Are you sure we can get
to school this way? I've... never been this way. Relax, Tori. Everything's fine. Weird. My phone's not getting
any signal. See, no signal. Oh. Yeah, we're about to drive
through Shadow Creek Park. There's not much signal up here. There's not much
of anything up here. Oh. <i> ♪ La la ♪</i> <i> ♪ La la la la ♪</i> <i> ♪ La la ♪</i> <i> ♪ La la la la ♪</i> <i> ♪ La la ♪</i> <i> ♪ La la la la ♪</i> [screaming, grunting] [tires screeching] Hey, why'd you jump
out of the car? Oh, no reason! Well, hurry up and get back in. No, that's okay.
I'll walk it from here. Suit yourself. [sighing] Next time. Okay, something's dripping
on me. Something's dripping on me. N-N-Nothing's dripping. Yes, look on my arm.
See? And on my forehead. What's going on?
What's happening? You're sweating. No. No, I'm not. I don't sweat.
I am not sweating. - Look at me.
- No. - Look at me.
- No. - Look at me!
- What?! You're sweating. Ah. Ah. [crying] Are you sure you read me
the recipe, right? Yeah, I said
"four cups of flour". You said "Four pounds of flour". Oh, I meant four cups. [groaning]
Great. Will you get up off your butt,
and help me make this stupid pizza?
[doorbell ringing] Ooh, I think that's for me. Who's here? Pizza comes to... 16.50. Why would you order a pizza
when we're making pizza? Cause I knew you'd fail. Can I have $20 dollars
to pay this guy? No. You can not have twen- What? I'm sorry.
Did you just say "no"? I- Cause I think if Sikowitz were
here, he might say, "Oh, someone sounds
like a negative Nancy." So one more time can I have $20? [sighing] Give it to me. Thanks. Hey, you girls are pretty.
Maybe- Jade will be
an innocent farm girl from Alabama
who's always super sweet and nice and never gets upset
about anything. I'd rather slam my tongue
in a car door. Well? Thank you
for the ice cream cone. I bought you the ice cream
so you'd tell me where Tori and Beck are. I don't know where they are. [tires screeching] [whistling, screaming] [groaning] What happened?
Was I sleeping? You were. Did I hear a loud whistle? Ah, you probably
just dreamed it. So why were you sleeping
on the stairs? Cause Andre stayed over
at my house last night and he was playing the piano
until four in the morning, so I didn't get any-
I wasn't done talking. I was done listening. [giggling] Daniel ever spin you like that? You want to get slapped
with a sausage? Sure. No. I can't take it.
I can't take this. Want me to rub your shoulders? Down! What's your problem? Do you know they're showing live
right now on Funnydanger.com? What? A roller coaster got stuck
at Mystic Mountain and there's an old lady hanging
upside down from it. Oh my gosh.
Is it someone you know? No, it's someone
I want to laugh at. The satellite should snap
the shot in 17 seconds. Good. Now nobody talk to me. You know, you're still walking
a little bow-legged. Are you sure you don't want
some thigh cream? Enjoy us. Enjoy my monkey fur. Is there any good reason why a grown man would soak
his feet in chicken fat? Chicken fat? Why don't you go make friends
with the nice lady at the desk? 'Kay 'kay. I don't know how to write
a little kiddie song. Why did we say we'd do this? It'll be fun. Yeah, it's so fun to put on
humiliating costumes and dance around like idiots for sticky little
three year olds. Four year olds, and my mom grew
those flowers in her garden. They're lovely. Looks like Robbie's got
some trouble. Yeah. Do you want
to split some soup? Um, well, they did my hair
and makeup, and then the costume designer
came to my dressing room- Wait. The costume designer was
in your dressing room? - Uh-huh.
- Was she cute? <i> He</i> was adorable. Vega. Tori. What? Try this coffee
and tell me what it tastes like. Hazelnut? I don't know
I found it in the garbage. <i> ♪ You push me back
I'll push you back ♪</i> <i> ♪ Harder, harder
You scream at me ♪</i> <i> ♪ I'll scream at you
Louder, l-l-l-l-louder ♪</i> <i> ♪ I'm dangerous
I'm warning you ♪</i> <i> ♪ But you're not afraid of me
And I can't convince you ♪</i> <i> ♪ You don't know me ♪</i> What ya doing? Cutting up a big trash can. You cut up the janitor's
entire trash can? He's got another one. Jade. Jade. I'm not going away,
and you can't just say "no". No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Um, can I ask you
a quick question before I start? [groaning] Help! Get her down!
Stop the play! [crashing] Well, I guess someone should get
this on video. Help! Help! Grab the light thingy! [screaming] Thank you for making me come
to this play. Well... aren't you two having a fun time eating Raisin Bran
together? Well, it's all I'm doin'. Just be careful now,
Mister British man, cause who knows what terrible
things might happen to you if that continues. Hey, Cat just sat down
with some guy. [giggling] Ah. See what blonde hair does
for a girl. [groaning] It was your idea to pay a guy- No, you came to me and I- [screaming] Yeah, I should have told you. This is a bad place
to hide from Jade. I oughta take this
and kill you both with it. How could you kill us
with toilet paper? Put it down.
Put it... down. What are you all wazzed off
about? These two butt cheeks paid
a guy to ask me out on a date. We were trying to help. Why do I need your help? Cause guys are scared
to ask you out. That's how I like it. I got dragged into this. See, we thought... - You thought.
- We thought... that if you got asked out
by a guy, you'd be more okay
if Beck asked out a girl. Oh, my God, how many times
do I have to say it? I don't care who you date.
We broke up. Ask about any girl you want. See, I said you should've
just asked how Meredith. Meredith?! - Jade.
- Oh, I knew it. I knew it two years ago
when you were in that awful play with her. I think I wrote that play. And Meredith was always like, "Oh, Beck, why don't you come
over to my house so we can rehearse our lines?" "Oh, Beck,
I brought you some cupcakes." Meredith brings everybody
cupcakes. Her dad owns a cupcake shop. I really appreciate this, guys. - No problem.
- She wrote a bad word. I write what I feel. Um... I think you look nice
with no eyebrows. Jade, I just want to say I really appreciate
you having lunch with us. And... thank you, Andre and Beck for handcuffing Jade
to the table. - Sure.
- No problem. [growling, groaning] Yeah, we're hanging out
together. No! Uck. Unbelievable. Okay. Still fighting with Beck? Oh, yeah. There. What'd you text him? [gasping] Excuse me.
Will I be auditioning next? - Maybe.
- Because I've been waiting for, like, 40 minutes and I- Okay, take care now. You're not leaving this school. She has to. I mean, I feel really bad
about it, seriously, but, you know.
Bye. If my brother lets us borrow
his car, will you drive Tori and me
to an old lady's house - after school?
- No. Wait. Please? Cat's really sad
because this actress passed away last night and- Whoa.
She passed away just last night? - Yeah.
- Then yeah. Yeah, I'll drive you guys
to her house. Why'd you change your mind? Because it's been less
than 24 hours, which means
her spirit is still lingering, so I'll be able to breathe
in the fumes of her soul. Maybe there's a bus we can take. No. No, I'll take you.
We can leave after sundown. Why can't we just go
after school? I don't like driving
in the daylight. I ended up on The Slap
all night, posting fun pics
and tweeting stuff so I could get more people
to follow me. Why? Cause it bugs me that Trina has
way more followers than I do. Okay, relax.
Look at it this way. Most people think Trina is
an awful gross person, right? Well... yeah. Okay and way more people follow
her on The Slap than follow you. Yeah. Wow. That says a lot. Did you get the lead? [grunting] I don't think she got it. So, who's playing Suzy? Me. Yeah, her. That.
She got the lead. What part did you get? I got cheated and humiliated. You get used to it. All right now, chill down.
Let's see. It says right here. Jade West, understudy
for the role of Susie. Oh, yeewho, like it's my dream
to be Tori's understudy. What's an understudy? Ah, man. [shattering] Can we sit somewhere else? Nope. Ugh. Fine. We'll sit with the girl
who can't keep her mouth shut and got you fired. [music playing] Beck, I swear, if there was
anything I could do to make it up to you, I would. I bet you would. [music playing] You know, if you really wanted
to help, you wouldn't just sit there
like a bag of doorknobs. You'd do something. Where you going? Anywhere else. [music playing] Okay.
This and that's for you. [giggling] Hey! Get your hands
off my boyfriend's head. [hissing] [shrieking, hissing] No, I never said- I got a lot of things
I'm gonna do, like tons. Okay. I mean, if you want me
to cancel my plans and come hang out with you
while you dog sit, then fine. Fine, I'll do it. - You don't have to.
- I said, I'll do it. But you owe me, baby girl. <i> ♪ - Hate this
- 1,000 bucks ♪</i> <i> ♪ Not enough ♪</i> If you don't have any plans,
I was thinking maybe me and you- Hammer time. Not now. All right?
I'm trying to talk to- Stop! Hammer time. <i> ♪ It's on
When I get on the floor ♪</i> <i> ♪ Stop from the top
Then I drop it down low ♪</i> <i> ♪ Poppin'
My wrists, my hips ♪</i> <i> ♪ You've never seen
Anybody do it like this ♪</i> <i> ♪ So cool ♪</i> Wait. Wait, Elise. Don't walk away from a man
while he's hammer dancing. I just... Oh. Well, hey there, Tori. Hey. Oh, why the sad boo boo face? I guess I was just
really looking forward to April Fools' Day and... I'm disappointed
that everybody ignores it. Well, then I guess
somebody's gonna have to get tickled. No. Don't.
I'm not in the mood. Oh? I think
it's the tickle bunny twins. [laughing] [laughing] I just feel like April Fools'
Day should be different. [sighing] Well, too bad, Tori. It's just a regular day here
at Hollywood Arts. Jade. Jade, you're late.
Go to the janitor's closet. Oh, right. Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh. Hey. We're not done talking
about this. - I am.
- Well, I'm not. Listen,
Alyssa Vaughn is just a friend. Yeah, a friend
who's already sent you six text messages today. [chiming] Seven. You don't know that's her. Is it? What's your favorite
tropical fruit? The mango
and I don't like your new little relationship
with Alyssa Vaughn. It's a text message. And what does it say?
Maybe, "Hi, Beck. My daddy just got richer
and I got prettier. Let's make out." Okay, let me see
if I understand you. Let's see if you do. Because you and I date, I can't be friends
with other girls? You can be friends
with ugly girls. But not girls who are
gorgeous socialites who text message you
a hundred times a day. You know what, you-
Tori, Tori, can you come here? What? If you were my girlfriend... Great way to start the question. Would you be all freaked out that I'm just friends
with Alyssa Vaughn? Who cares what she thinks? Honestly, I wouldn't love it. I care what she thinks. So... So he's just using me
to get a good grade? Sorry, Tori. You must feel pretty stupid
right now. Okay, that's a time out. - No, I was just trying-
- Go sit on the steps. - What's your name?
- Pepper. - Do you follow me on The Slap?
- No, I-I- - Why not?!
- I just moved here. Okay. Well, whip out your phone
and follow me on The Slap. Okay. Okay. [beeping]
All of you, right now! You're scaring people
into following you? I'm gently suggesting
that they follow me. Hey!
Do you find me on The Slap? - Uh-uh.
- Follow me! We have to go make
our short film. No, I have to get
more Slap followers. - Why?
- Because Beck was up all night tweeting hot pics of himself,
so he got 200 more followers. And there is no way
I'm going to let him have - more followers than I have.
- Why not? Cause I am prettier than he is! Are you?
