Tony Robbins - Habits That Will Change Your Life

[Music] this weekend is a unique name we call it reality bridging reality bridging I wanna make you go into a deep trance trying to figure out what that means right we're gonna clarify it for you but reality bridging it's the technology of the vital communication and true freedom is what you're gonna find is you're gonna find there's gonna be vitality in your communication when you start using the techniques we're gonna teach you and there's gonna be a sense of absolute freedom well you can share with somebody what your real feelings are and never ever offend them they won't have to hear you and cry and feel bad and you will feel so bad either we want to make sure the communication is vital that you're always connecting that you feel good when you're communicating so does the person you're communicating with and it produces results that's our outcome and to be able to do that without having to worry creates an unbelievable level freedom for people because how many of you be honest have felt feelings at times and you're upset but you didn't share it because you didn't know how or you didn't share it because well you thought well maybe it's really about me or you didn't share it because you didn't want to offend somebody even though you were mad or upset how many got that experience in the past and when you don't share something what happens when you just keep it inside and build it up yeah it festers does it get better or worse it gets a lot worse and eventually what happens then you blow up about something that could have been handled so much easier along the way but then there's the other approach which is you're looking for things on a regular basis to be able to give people feedback about and some people develop that habit or you communicate in a way where basically you're communicating your feelings like you're upset but do you always have all the information no and so you're making a decision about how to feel based on false information how many vebber got upset later on felt a little dumb because you found out you're upset about something really should've been upset about so one philosophy says keep it inside it applause he says we'll get it out well what if you get it out and then you find out you were wrong by the way do we like being wrong No so then what would we probably do justify the fan well that's well yeah I didn't know that but they give you up you've done that before and that does not make a relation to work plus that person gets upset it's kind of like anybody ever come up to you and say you know why are you upset and you're going to set go no yeah you are no I'm not yes you are well I'm getting upset okay that also happens unless we're really clear so what we're really gonna do is we're gonna start our whole basis of studying of communication to remember one thing and write this in your notes if you would and that is the quality of your life is directly related to the quality of your communication the quality of your life is the quality of your communication period quality of your life is the quality of your communication now pretty basic idea nothing earth-shattering but I'm gonna tell you that's thing and taught your entire life comes down to this the quality of your entire life comes down to the quality of how you communicate with home know know with whom first you think and determines how you know that's right quality of your life starts with the quality of how you communicate to yourself that's where it all starts how you feel is not based on the environment is it based like how you feel is that determine based on like whether or not you have lots of money yes or no a little mixed in reaction on that one no no no it's not no absolutely not no how's that for incongruent communication from a lot of here okay some of you have a little mixed feelings about this down chip let me ask you a question how many of you know somebody who has tons of money and is still not happy interesting how many of you know somebody doesn't have any money at all but seems to be very happy so does money determine your happiness yes or no how many know if you have lots of money though you'd be happy you're different I had your money I'd be happy no problem give me your money we'll try okay people say money can buy happiness don't know where to shop now see that that's not gonna do it is it it's not the money it's how you communicate yourself about money your lack of it or the abundance you think you have by the way can people have an abundance but communicate to themself that they're still in scarcity yes or no absolutely so money doesn't go it's how do you feel determined by whether or not the weather is good yes oh really are there people in freezing weather we're very happy yes or no are there people in hot weather they're very happy yes or no are the people that are in either one of those weathers in the opposite degree they have opposite feelings does that transfer you out yet yes see the weather doesn't determine it is it what are you happy not determined by whether or not other people say they love you you know yes but you but it shouldn't so you sit there and all over yourself huh okay you're right it probably shouldn't but a lot of us can add that real directly but I got a question for you somebody comes up to you and they tell you when they come up and they hug you or they look through that certain special way or they kiss you passionately begin to come to attention gentlemen [Applause] now when all that stuff happens well all that stuff happens my question for you is wait one minute all in heaven once it really to kiss the did it no idle mix-up and that's true kissing your dog would get you excited it wasn't a kiss it was the meaning you associated to that particular moment when tissue touched tissue in that unique way that's really it isn't it it isn't actually yes it isn't actually the event itself is it it is rather what we communicated to ourselves about that event somebody hugged you and you feel good do they make you feel good yes sir now now what makes you feel good is you've got a set of rules inside your head and say if somebody touches me quite like this they look like that sound smell feel like this then I get to say whew and so you say okay it's time to feel good your brain goes in and you start feeling good so bottom line is we determine how we feel by the way we communicate to ourselves by the meaning that we communicate about a situation see it's not the event that determines how we feel it's the meaning that we associate to the event the terms how we feel and that meaning is something we create and we communicate to ourselves if you're upset about anything all upsets come down to the meaning you associate to something you're upset about something is because you're thinking well that's because this means they don't care about me or this means I'm no longer in control or this means I'm not respect or this means all upset is based on a meaning and how many times we've been wrong when you linked up the meaning anybody's been wrong yes or now yes this means you ask so I'll guide you through this okay we've all been wrong so what we've got to really be able to do is to realize one thing and right at your notes nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning that I give it nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning that I give it nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning that I give it you're the one that puts the label on what things mean and the last time you're with me I gave you a phrase and we talked about transformational vocabulary if you recall transformational vocabulary is the idea that we get all these pictures and sounds and feelings and sensations start to come in our body but we don't know what it means till we put a label on it so you can all these things they feel uncomfortable they feel kind of painful and you call that humiliation well that intensify the feeling more than if you say you know I'm all frustrated yes or no you better believe it the label we put on our experience becomes our experience and we are the person doing the labeling now granted I'll agree that most of us are on automatic pilot we're using a labeling and a communication process that we don't even think about consciously and we can easily point to other people and show how they created that feeling for us and certainly they helped us to get into state they helped us by giving us some feedback but we still determine the feeling may give an example I was in Hawaii recently I couldn't believe it I read this article and I saw the thing on TV or they interviewed this guy he's out swimming and the shark came and bit his leg off yeah you think you'd be fairly upset why would you be upset of science you lost your leg after the initial pain why would you stay upset because of the meaning you'd link to that right what would be the meaning that would make you feel upset all the time that's right the meaning of loss that you would lost something see almost all pain all pain you're ever gonna feel in your life the pain that people have that makes them upset it all starts with theirs I call it emotional anatomy it all starts in one place pain starts with number one I'll put it down at the bottom here a feeling of loss a feeling of loss now can you ever really lose anything only if you perceive that there's a loss is that true how you follow me on this now for a second you'd only feel loss if you perceive it in other words you have to tell yourself there's a loss you have to communicate that you lost something this man was not upset in fact he was concerned about the shark yeah he says guys are drugs no he was sincere because his belief was that number one he was responsible not the shark because he was a swimmer and he knew that in the area was were sharks and if he's thrashing around on the top they think it's a turtle will come after him but his concern was that people are so upset about it that people gonna go out and rage and kill the sharks in that area how's that for sorting by others instead of sorting myself so the meaning for him was this was a learning experience that's what it meant to him other people would mean I'm maimed for life with the different meaning that he communicated if you would have said I'm maimed for life I'll never be the same you know I can never accomplish anything I'll never a woman would never be attracted to me I'll be a for the rest of my life he would have linked those meanings do you think he would have been in the same state yes or no no way by the way maybe this is temporary right I don't know I don't know this guy I'm not gonna be around a long time meet him but I can tell you for years when I've done his interview people who are absolute what I think are spiritual masters what I mean my spiritual masters not flying the East and meeting somebody who sits and meditates I mean somebody who doesn't have the least of the legs or their arms and lives an absolute joy as totally loving and tries to figure how to contribute to other people to me that's a spiritual master I'll tell you what there's tons of them and they're my friends now because I go learn from you know I find out they have developed belief systems that have helped them to interpret human behavior in a way that causes them not to be upset because no matter what happens they finally figured out something if you want to succeed in life figure out how it works and then do it that way not the way you think it should be say what most of us do is you run around life with all these rules about how life should be about how you should be about easy to be how doctors should be how staff should be how patients should be be now they're gonna be how they really are not how you want them to be and then every time they don't meet your criteria you communicate yourself it's time to be annoyed or maybe a more intense word it's that true when you have an upset of any sort you're feeling some negative emotion it always comes down to really you have a feeling of life loss but do you ever really lose now you never lose anything it just changes form ain't nothing in the entire universe ever disappears nothing not your physical body not rocks not stones nothing everything in the uniform universe transforms from one form to another you take water you try to destroy it say you boil it what does it become steam everything in the world transforms to a higher level it's always transforming you got to realize you can't lose anything you can transform things you can't lose anything now you can try and pretend you've lost something you can might be upset with somebody in the goal my god I lost their love or or they lost mine or I've lost respect how do you lose respect you can't lose something that's already inside of you see the problem is people are you know looking for love in all the wrong places [Music] love is not something you have to go looking for when it's where you come from a friend of mine said that Michael handling wow what a great thing to remember well I was not something have to go looking for when it's where you come from so you can't lose something everything you thought you'd lose is already inside of you see if you won't feel respect it's cuz you aren't choosing to focus on being respected you're not communicating yourself you should be respected what if I said something to you I say there's no way that made you feel disrespected it made you feel disrespected or you took what I said managed to interpret it represent to yourself and communicate to yourself that my saying it not gonna voice means I don't respect you therefore you can't have these feelings does that make any sense no do we do it all the time yes do we want to continue to it no ok you want to change that you can't ever lose anything now you can perceive you lost something by the way do some people who've not lost the limb not lost their eyesight not lost anything feel like they've lost over little stupid things yes or no some people feel lost about something they never even had in the first place like they have this goal that didn't happen oh she lost my goal you never had it well they had this expectation most upsets are about expectations that aren't met isn't that true you expect somebody something you expect yourself to do something you expected life to do something you expected the weather be a certain way and it didn't happen you go I lost out how could you lose out on something you never had you must have been very confused so you can't lose but if you want to feel bad what you have to do is have the illusion of loss create the illusion of loss that's all you have to do to feel bad so I'll guide you on how to feel bad step one feel bad create the illusion watch I will make sure you take notes and I want to feel bad you know what to do okay now have the illusion of loss what that usually does is that creates the second major emotion in the anatomy of human emotion and that is feeling of hurt feel hurt and usually what happens is people don't notice the lost thing they notice they feel hurt if they're sensitive cuz this stuff happens pretty fast doesn't and we forgotten it's lost all we know is we feel hurt anytime somebody feels hurt what it really is they have a sense of loss about something they lost out on their expectation they lost out on what they thought they had they think they've lost out on something else they think they're missing out I think something has changed I think they're losing something and they feel bad they feel hurt how many of have felt hurt and a personal relationship great tell me raise you're going to tell me what did you feel hurt about give me an example yes sir you've heard about dishonesty meaning you felt this person had been dishonest with you now are we absolutely certain that this person was dishonest that he was felt that was dishonest yes or no is it possible this person was not dishonest but rather he interpreted their behavior as dishonest yes or no yes or no I had a conversation with my mom not long ago I couldn't even believe it she was like all hurt well she said I'm real in she was she went to the next level I might as well tell you what it is most people by the way don't stay in her a man has immediately amp up into anger it's that true that's right and that's the third emotion so if you're angry what you really are is what hurt which means you really just have a sense of what that's really it so my mom was upset I was like what you upset with me about know what I do she goes she does flowers for seminars and she asked me if I would contact this hotel and have the hotel like used her services and I said I'd be willing to but I don't think they do that and they never do it for us well she talked somebody else and that somebody else told her that the hotel does it all the time and they contract with somebody else here something must not really care about you now she was also in a very stressful state as a state we're in and just our normal life affect the way we interpret meaning yeah she was stressed about a bunch of other things so while she's in the stressful st. somebody said this to her and chew it oh my son he just thinks I'm a pain in the butt he doesn't eat us he just wants to get rid of me he must be ashamed of my work he must not like my flowers you ate all this wonderful stuff can we create all kinds of in her head how many a good at creating in your head good I am too we all are and I'm picking on my mom trust me oh boy it's on video on how I'm really indeed she taught me everything I know she didn't teach me a good deal of what I know gave me a great foundation for my life point is though seriously she's all upset and she thought that I have lied during that first one she said she'd lie I'd lied to her what do you think happen to me like me honesty is one of my highest values I'm probably too honest I tell people everything by what right the fact that you question my honesty how many of you something question your honesty and you know you're honest I mean that really upsets you what do you think I got when she said that angry how could you say that and plus I just did all these things for you and I start remembering all the stuff I was doing for her and I said I have never lied you my life well maybe I was a little kid but not since then I said what are you talking I can't even believe that why was i angry because I felt wyatt by her statement and I felt hurt because I'd assumed to what woloson my loss to us how could we lose that connection of knowing who each other are when my own mom I'm gonna do anything for I just got done doing this anything for her that I mean blew her out of her shorts she didn't ever expect it alright blue rabbits are interesting picture and so you know what happened though is I realized that if I responded to her in a state of anger well that'd probably work no it didn't work so I realized I need to change my state and I asked myself a question that helped me a lot the question I ask is what's probably going on with her that makes her treat me this way or treat people this way or respond this way instead of how dare she what how could you treat me this way after I've done so much for her which will do what make you more what I'm sad different question I asked so what's going on with her that's making her respond this way what she stressed about I asked her and she told me she apologized and just dropped right away I'm here to tell you a belief I want you to remember for the rest of your life that if all you do is remember this how the whole week and really remembered at the right times it'll change the way you communicate with other human beings and I believe is this then in any communication with another human being will you get a response from someone in any communication with another human being then you get a response from someone that response is either a loving response or cry for help in any communication that you have with another human being they give you some kind of response they respond to you in some way and that communication is either a loving response or a cry for help that's it those are the only two kinds of responses so one more time in any communication with other human being and they respond do they communicate to you they react to you they respond to you that reaction that response I don't care what it looks like on the outside of what it seems like it's either a loving response or a cry for help which one do you think my mom was doing in this situation was that a lovely response or cry for help cuz a cry for help and help to say I'm feeling what hurt because I have a sense of what it may not be true but that's what I feel that person the cry for help now how do most people respond to a cry for help with another cry for help is that true how do I first start to respond to my mom she's angry with me she doesn't ever write to me how could you do this to me what's going on I get Amy back so I was following a crowd dear you how can you seems to me don't pull this crap I mean look what I do free what kind of crap is this interesting so when two people are yelling at each other crying for our back-and-forth who gets out nobody so you know what happens the anger doesn't stop what happens is the anger goes one place either starts going out to other people and becomes resentment which builds and that resentment may be expressed or not expressed usually resentment is expressed non-verbally to other people and some people do it by taking their example and resentment and they express it by what they call confrontation and they actually feel good about it they say I'm not one of those people keeps it inside I confront people little bastards that won't really build a quality communication on it I confront I don't keep it inside you I'll tell you what's wrong yesterday when you dismiss baby feel this way I request in the future you change hmm let me try this hmm you know what that doesn't work it can work anything can work the tone of voice she uses those gonna play a bigger role than what you say and when he would agree your facial expressions can play a bigger role of what you say how many group and somebody else can sit there listen to you and say yes all by by your request but inside the window okay that's not communication that's not quality communication we want to change and enhance our format the other thing we can do is we feel anger instead of presenting and confronting we can just keep it inside and we keep it inside usually what it becomes as depression it would oppress they don't even know why these people are depressed they felt like they're not in control like things are happening not in our control of the night communicate and get control of their life a lot of times depression is directly relating the fact that kept this anger inside these upsets and they haven't expressed and they become depressed how we can relate to this not new but other people you've seen in your life I thought so so the bottom line is we've got to do when somebody responds to us with a cry for help is giving them what kind of response which of the two sponsors should we give somebody when they give us a cry for help a loving response is that always easy to do now what it requires is you to remember that what it looks like they're just really crying for help somebody's angry how dare you do this to me you go how do you lose me you guys are crying at each other how dare you smiie you should go oh you should picture no you come back go I hear you I appreciate you I love you that's not my intent how could make this work I'm willing to make it work thanks for sharing your real feelings with me let's do it what we need to do to make it work how can make you feel better because I'm committed to that I know I can make feel that I can make feel better because I owe I can't make you feel better I'm gonna do it what does it contain I can feel a little tank let's do it right get the idea you don't want to smile a cry for help by crying yourself you want to be bigger and the way to get bigger is you remember this you remember it you use it you make it work this will change your life that one belief if you also execute it you know what you learned today you learn some skills today that are so easy it's so simple all you got to do is commit to making them a habit so you know what to think about anymore your life will change forever your personal life the way you communicate to yourself your practice your team and most of you're already so bonded you're incredible but is there always a deeper level that we could pursue yes or no there's always a deeper connection and if it's possible shouldn't be pursued yeah why not have more X to say why not be closer why not be more loving will not be more connected why not do more why not create more why not make it happen why not why not us why not now that's we're gonna do this day so get the feeling for what it is it all comes down to meaning we change the meaning we change it all make an example to us on my first book tour this woman calls me up on the phone right on the radio and I love doing the radio responses so I've like real fast me I'll help people tell this woman calls out she goes miserable all the time I've been depressed now for seven years I said gosh how do you accomplish that the what have you accomplished that I mean that's pretty amazing and so you depress me when you sleep you wanna sleep what I'm doing is breaking her or whatever how do interrupting your pattern all you got to do okay if you respond people go although I'm sorry you feel that way and that's not enough sometimes you got to interrupt the pattern tease them and be loving but tease them because you're just cold it's okay it's okay they'll just they're getting a lot of feedback they're being rewarded for feeling Baden's that true so you got to be careful you got to be loving but you got to be fun and loving so that would be my response how loving fun loving response and outrageously fun loving in response that'll break their pattern do something don't expect so I said well what's the challenge of the worlds because my boyfriend left me seven years ago he loves me he left me it took my whole life I said he took your whole life yeah I gave him everything I said everything you kept your voice I hear but all lives run forever why is she in pain that's right she feels tremendous depression actually because she's been angry because she really felt what hurt because she has a sense of what are there people who end a relationship and don't feel sense of watts yes or no yes because you have to tell yourself it's lost you have to communicate it's lost how many has found in the past what you thought was lost was actually your gain but when you thought it was a loss how did you feel her and me nothing lots of it was a loss of your own self-esteem well they left me they must not have loved me and I wasn't good enough you know I'm not good enough the loss upon your own self-esteem but you did that to yourself - it's just not true the meaning you made up in your head we're making this all this crap up in her head and it's not true you gotta be careful about the meaning you label things you got to take control of that process so old life is over the reason she's upset the reason he's this angry this is not that she feels a lot but she's labeled that loss because of that my whole life is over how would you feel if your whole life was over a bit depressed you better believe it so I said look I said bottom line is I said ma'am you got to change your state the way the state you're in right now you're gonna keep thinking your life so you got to change your state coz ya wife try that's right so what do you guys do well I'm taking drugs as well know what else you know I see my therapist for years now I've been this I said gonna stop I start in the fall in the radio right and show you imagine I can imagine phase overload you crazy so what's going on I said you listen to me right now you want to change this you do exactly what I say when I say now you put the phone down and you run outside and you just yell two words at the top of your lungs over and over again next as you think about your old boyfriend the person's like in a deep trance with no reaction right and all the signs heard this chuckling she's laughing hysterically right stressed laugh I said just yell next go out there look around see men go next as soon as she started laughing I said think about your old boyfriend she starts laughing think of your old boyfriend she's laughing think of your old boyfriend laven think about old boyfriend pretty soon when she's not her old boyfriend guess what you be gonna do laughs now my belittling the relationship no but you think she laughs when she thinks about it she'll be able to deal with it better than if she cries you better believe it say our state affects a lot of the meaning we linked to things more stressed or we can make out the worse situation that virtually anything can't wait see you got a number you're the producer of this play you're the one writing the script of this movie now some of you go have like one style of writing called drama maybe I'll try writing a comedy instead it might be more enjoyable some of you written a love story my congratulations to you some of you an adventure story some of you've got one garbled story that doesn't seem to make any sense maybe it's time you cleaned up the script which doesn't mean go back and rewrite at all it means tear up your 1-d until I go back and rewrite the whole script order to make it work yes or no now what you can do is set aside and move on from here what a concept aside what do I want now what happened in my past doesn't mean diddly oh man this is what I'm going if you're trying to drive in the future using the rearview mirror as your guidance tool you're gonna crash but you know what your future is gonna look like your past pretty scary maybe I just let go of the past tear up that script you don't have to keep playing that same play write a new one now don't tell me y'all look at the script I've been you know my look who gives a put it in the circular file and write a new one you know be spontaneous maybe you want to write something along the way maybe I'll have to have the whole thing planned out to be detailed no exec who's gonna happen it's gonna happen then you won't be so upset when it doesn't go the way you wrote the first version of the script called your expectations in your head maybe then you'll go well this script is kind of a guideline it isn't like my absolute mouth I'm going to be peeved maybe that would help things a lot see whole key is the quality of life is the quality of communication and one with yourself because nothing has a meaning except the meaning you give it the meaning give it's gonna turman how you feel any feels gonna Turman what you do what you do is gonna shape your destiny if I interpret this means this person doesn't love me and now all of a sudden I'm gonna feel lousy about it and I'm gonna do things you do verbally or non-verbally to get back maybe or at the very worst I'll withhold my emotions because I don't wanna be hurt again and is that withholding make my relationship better yes or no no and now all of a sudden we start to drift apart and now I start doing doing things that will change my destiny and separate me from somebody I really love somebody really loves me all because I made up a bunch of crap in my head nothing has any meaning except the meaning given online and so if we want to change our lives we really want to make things work make sure I remember this right you know it's not the event it's what we do with it that determines the quality of your life it's not the event it's what you do with it determines the quality of your life what we do with it is what we do with it inside of our head it's not the event it's what we do with the event in terms of the quality of our life what do we do with it inside of our head we can take things that destroy other people and cause them to make us better this whole seminar today you're gonna go through as a result of me having an event that was not pleasurable last night especially since I was exhausted I had no sleep that also amplified my feelings about the situation and then what happened was I asked myself a question how can I use this what's great about this I was not feeling as great how gonna use this what's great about this my brain started sounds great but this as it means what we try to do before this wasn't making sense we're not quite you almost had it but it wasn't quite there so what's great about this I found that out because I want to share with you the best what's great about is I can use this intense emotion to see what really will work and the most intense feelings are not Wow whatever ideal it's not the event it's what you do with it and remember the meaning you associate or assign to something the meaning you associate I put parentheses or assigned to something determines how you feel and what you do so Amelia meaning you associate or that you assign to something determines how you feel and what you do throughout your life determines how you feel and what you do throughout your life bless you the problem is are you communicating to yourself in a way that's empowering or disempowering and what would you say a good deal of time it is probably if you're not totally happy disempowering so the problem is not the event the problem is the meaning that you're associating the things that's affecting your actions throughout your whole life determine your destiny is probably disempowering a good deal of time if you're not happy if you're happy you're probably assigning a lot of empowering meanings aren't you you've come from some core beliefs and ways of looking at the world that really help you help you evaluate things in a way where you're really in charge or you're not in reaction so if we want to really take control then we got to remember what I've already said nothing life has any meaning you set the meaning that we give it so for example the doctors staff the doctor raises voice says please give me this or maybe as I say please give me this he doesn't say the word please what does that mean scumbag doctor that's what it means it means he doesn't respect you right means he doesn't care about you right now what it means if you're upset that's what the meaning you've attached to it is how many would agree what else could it mean he's angry if he's angry or he's stressed or he's frustrated does that give him a right to snap at you yes or no no way we're not making him right we just want to know what it really means first does that make sense how many of you have ever screwed up can I see some hands how many of you have ever snapped that somebody had nothing to do with them it was just your state you were so stressed about something else how many done this even the people you totally loved like your children hmm I'll try again very nice think about that now when the doctor does that instead of going here it's not right today you're right he has no right to do it absolutely right and you need to help him so he doesn't do that anymore you need to help him not make him wrong if you make him wrong is that gonna enroll him I'm not doing this again yes or no doctor when all of a sudden you keep asking your staff they'll deliver something you need I mean you're incompetent you may don't care I mean they're not as committed as you you're working to the ball you're under time you're not even getting paid they're getting paid you must not care about you know what it means No what might it mean they're overloaded they're overworked you beat them to a pulp they don't want to talk to you because you've been real mean and hard to be around them they're trying to void you stay out of your way because they're afraid they're gonna set you off I noticed that was a doctor that was laughing huh ma'am it's that possible but see which meaning you assign will determine how you feel and how you treat people isn't that true and it doesn't just stop there it continues because the truth is most of you don't communicate all that you feel and it's a good thing cuz Moe words spoken in a moment of anger some words like that are never forgotten now that's not true you can forget that but people think I'll never forget that and then he tell him how never forget that I'll never forget though never never I will not forget that they work real hard remember but how many of you forgotten your own home telephone number address of how to spell the word though so you can forget ketchup yes actually forgetting is a very useful tool I may want to teach you before the weekends up the power of forgetting not forgiving forgetting hmm is it sometimes useful to forget especially if what you're forgetting is only your perception especially since your memories are nothing but myths anyway because if you ask my mother I bet she'd have a different story true that's right see the bottom line in life and is we've got to make sure that we assign a meaning that empowers and Dassin doesn't empower disempowered by the way we don't really know for sure what the meaning is unless we ask by the way do we always have to ask now sometimes we can hallucinate that people are coming from the best place how often would it be useful to loosen eight that people are really coming from positive intention yes see if you question my behavior I can probably deal with that but if you question my intention that is gonna really hurt me because I'm gonna go don't we have a relationship don't you know who I am but that's probably not I'm gonna spawn I probably just fine with a cry for help I'm being pissed off you could ever question my integrity or my intent or whether I care about you how can you do that after all I've done for you and then people start justifying noticing all things they've done for you I think it really needs more man and Down syndrome okay so we've got to really do is we got to say okay I don't know what the meaning is I'm not sure what the meaning is but I'm sure that the intent is positive the process either straps for something else but I know who they are I remember who this person really is the moment doesn't matter this too shall pass is that true unless I decide to try and hang on to it not let it pass I've never tried not to let something pass gets to be painful after a few days you come home you cut that one hands you come home and your spouse is watching TV again the reason is sleeper again they didn't say they love you again what does that mean scumbag that's what it means divorce they don't care they don't love me they're not attracted to me anymore can't imagine why deliberately attracted you when you in this personality [Laughter] probably looks another minute look there are the women can't imagine why when they get to come home to seeing you in this unique state because they don't have very good taste that's why then we've got maybe they know what they've got maybe that's why they're looking the meaning we link to things determines our actions therefore our destiny had already share that with you the key min is to choose empowering versus disempowering meanings the key for us from now on is when something happens we're gonna probably have a reaction after we're done with a little reaction we should sit back and say what's the more empowering way of looking at this what might be a more empowering way of looking at this what else could this mean because I choose the empowering one I may be wrong is it possible the person really is this comeback I guess anything's possible but if I won't empower you looking in that way because people tend to be whatever you make them you're not want to write that now people tend to be whatever you make them pretty important frame and I want you remember this right the same notes whatever you look for you will find whatever you look for you will find whatever you look for you're gonna get and by the way the way we look for things is we ask questions about people about our life about ourselves let's how you look for things the way you direct what you focus on is ask a question very quickly look we're in this room as fast you can I want you notice everything in this room that's brown quick everything it's brown brown clothing people's hair floors any brown brown brown holy brown brown brown brown brown brown brown close your eyes with your eyes closed now tell me everything in this room that's red hmm raise your hand if you see a lot more Brown than your head then you see red raise your hand open your eyes look for red now see everything you see in this room it's red red red red anywhere you can see in clothing people anyway see read read read read read look around read read read let me see a lot more read now rich man guess what you get what you look for and I got to look for it by asking a question that's also how you get yourself to look for things by asking a question like what's wrong with this person you know what you look you'll find what's wrong it's wrong there's what's wrong with them why are they such a scumbag okay why all right here's one reason here's another here's another how come I can never succeed let's see here you look inside you say oh yeah these right level yeah is here yeah I have my childhood all the reasons we get what we look for can you find something is horrible and could you find something good in them if you look for it yes or no yeah because you're the one that determines whether it's good or not anyway that's true could you find something good in Saddam the same if you want to do I'm not saying we should if you wanted to could you do certain people think he's good yeah people say hey he's gotten back our land I don't necessarily agree but you don't agree to be able to appreciate is there a difference yeah you can appreciate somebody's view even if you don't agree with it you can appreciate that for them but that's true you can appreciate that they have a different reality than you have about something most of us think we all have to share the same perceived reality I'm sure we share the same physical reality but physical reality is not what most of us experience we experience a perceived reality we've made up in our hand isn't that true and so to remember what the titleist technology is bridging realities we're gonna want to do is build a bridge between our reality and somebody else's so that we can to have a relationship we don't have to make them live in our reality we don't have to hold our realities they're absolute we can create a bridge and by having that bridge we can exchange information between our two cities our two communities of emotion our two communities of understanding and create a connection we're no longer separate we're connected and we can share we can have our own identity and feeling we can also connect and share there's no limit we can do it at any moment all we have to do is choose to cross the bridge probably got to bridge the reality we're going to show you how to do that with people for the rest your life it'll change your life like the few things you never learned in your life it'll be so simple it'll be a joke but it starts with this basic philosophical understanding the way you feel it's based on the meaning you give things you're the one giving the meaning no matter what you know it feels like somebody else the question is a unit empowering meaning or disempowering meaning and if you say yeah but look I got proof I've got proof that what I'm saying is true do you want to be in write or do you want to be in a relationship do you want to be right what do you want to be in love no I'd like that down ask yourself instead of question of the future next time you're an argument Velasquez up I want to be right or to want to be loved cuz that's really your choice that's really it see I think I told the last time I was here out of time few years back we're at a unique partner who I really cared a lot about embezzled a quarter million dollars at me seven or fifty-eight thousand dollars in debt I got a bit peeved by this I got angrier than I ever remember because I felt so massively what hurt and it's cuz I had a feeling of what loss the money was part of it the ability to not have to think about money was another part of it an equally big part of it was I cared about this person they took advantage of me I thought the loss trust loss of love loss of connection all that got stacked into this anger nobody would hear that let's see the truth of the matter is do I have every right to be able to point you show that this guy's wrong sure will that make my life better no I didn't do say how can I use this and move on not make him right not make him wrong just go okay kinda what don't what make a person do that you know when I finally started asking what would make a person do that I created my entire desk than you took oh geez probably is the most powerful set of distinctions I've made my lifetime cuz I figured out how I could use it what I could learn from it instead of how can this happen to me and I turned my finances around like a hundred volt my little company doing four million dollars a year 250 million dollars a year it's a fairly large jump all because I chose to create a different meaning the meaning is this is a chance for me to go to the next level beginning is this chance for me to learn and make something better than it's ever been before once you link that meaning the world changes just remember if you don't like the way you feel change what things mean change your perception of what something means or change your actions that's what it takes and you'll change the way you feel that heartbeat I put a little metaphor here couple them for you I just want to remind you that when you decide you can't find something also whenever I said what you look for you'll find when you decide you can't find something you'll also discover you won't find it because whether you believe something's true will you believe it's not you're right how many of the experience of having somebody say to you something like can you find me the salt you think yourself would you own the cabin to get me the salt as you're walking you're thinking I don't know what the salt is you walk up there you open I don't know what it is you really do look don't you you really look but you already have this belief that says I can't find us all so what happens see mister you go it's not in here no 25 when it's right there in the shelf you know it's not they walking they walk right beside you be trying from your face you go what is this and what is it how many have this happened to you now the saw will tell you there you said tell me what I look for all fine that's what you look for an Ernest you'll find see what you really want the answer to you'll get there you go why am I so happy but you really don't want to know the answer you're not gonna get the answer but what's really great about this person you don't get an answer it's only what you seek for and Ernest if you don't look for something you won't find it you're right if you don't commit yourself to finding it you won't good thing for you to remember what do you do when an upset happens well let me give you an example what I learned from racing school changed my whole life I race cars formula cars and so I went to several different schools by the way to do this I'll never forget in my first school they really taught us if there's one school for racing as they said the first thing got to do is you're gonna know how to recover human unrecovered before anything else how to drive a car you guys ought to do how to go forward you know how to do that what you got to do is learn how to recover when you hit the skids in the road because if you don't how to do that your racing career is gonna be rather short or rather painful and most of you are trying to race through life and a lot of you are having a rather painful time because you don't recover very well or you recover but in the process of recovering you smashing everybody else's car along the way that makes the next trip around a little resentful for those people they see you coming by they kind of avoid you a little bit going I'm not getting too close to this doctor this staff member this person this account this secretary this telephone person the person around the calendar I'm not doing that because what I do they're gonna smash me up to the process of them trying to recover it so what they do is they put you in a skin car where they make you go through the process of about d2 crash where they knock you off track know what it is the skin car they've got a little computer they fire fuss computer and what it does it has a little left unless one of your wheels you never know which direction are with so you're screaming around the track screaming screaming screaming screaming you're not doing full speed like a hundred forty miles an hour they start you a little slower like we're doing this morning they go about 6070 miles an hour but 6070 miles an hour on the tracks pretty intense and you run right for a wall and all of a sudden you start to skid out of control and what they tell you in advance is well you've got to do is when you start just get out of control there's only one key look where you want to go focus on where you want to go do not focus on what you're afraid of now what do people do in life we focus on what we fear and we get more whatever we focus on that's what they tell you that is it look whatever you focus on that's where you're gonna go wherever you focus on you're gonna get more oh you focus on the wall you're gonna get a lot of wall real fast you're in a crash but you me together just focus on what you want not what you think you're going not where you think you are if you're not where you want to be if you're not where you're wanting to go focus on where you want to go immediately don't hesitate they said now what you're gonna have to do is when you do this it won't feel like it's working at first because you'll still feel like you're going into the wall because what happens you have so much momentum in that direction they even when you focus where you want to go they'll still be a little bit of momentum in that direction and they'll be a little of a lag time before the car turns so don't because you don't see me turning turn back and look as you do you're gonna go right there and crash keep there you have to use that f-word what is it Hey so what happens is you turn you're going in going in well good suppose people do a person also don't even turn what I do the first time I'm skin want you model since I got a control don't look I'm at the wall my instructor lassen and say my life I grab my head and going and pulling my head physically in the direction I should be looking which is directing 90 degrees opposite of where I was going right happen for the wall that's why I need to look so all about the grass he goes like this pulling my head over here and all of a sudden I go when are we gonna go and why ii turn away know what ho my god heartbeat anatomy I said maybe I should try a different sport I thought now this is a good metaphor for life let me do it again so I got there you never know when they're gonna do it you're going you're going you're going I'll sign I'm starting to love right so yeah Racing racing awesome this is I started anyway I did who I pulled my hand I'm like pulling my head in the stretcher he's like you want to go on this way look what it is pulling it and I'm waiting to win and sure enough car turns just in time after a while you know you do something happens you notice what it is you don't scare it what it is you figure out what it is you go that's a wall smacking that what would it be like to smack that blue eye smack that my body will go here my head will go no what happens is you see the wall you know what it is you only acknowledge the problem long enough to know what it is and then move on know what it is focus on where I want to go the minute I can identify what it is and that's not where I want to go poop so I'm heading boy boom in the car and it's like no now we just get off it so fast focus on what you want and you'll get more of it focus on what you fear and you'll get more of that focus on what you want and you'll get more of it focus on what you fear and you'll get more of that bottom line is almost everybody in life focuses on what they fear and that's why they get more of what they don't want well yeah but what if this happens what if that happens you keep asking what if this happens what if that happens I guarantee you're gonna crash it's only a matter of time instead you gonna say well what if this happens what I want what will happen we're gonna make this happen what I want and the more you focus on that the more of an experience you'll have what it is you want your life you'll get it right away now here's the problem you've got to still hang on to your F what is it faith you know what faith is faith is understanding the seasons of life life comes in seasons doesn't it it's not always the same but it's still predictable as a whole how many of you are surprised when winter comes can I see something no you would be surprised you don't be surprised when it comes and are their emotional winters yes or no you better believe there are other times that you try to communicate well doesn't work all the times in the office where it feels well frigid well cold that's not just the air-conditioning what happens during the winter you break out a fire to warm each other up see some people freeze to death in the winter other people ski the meaning of winter is whatever you do with it isn't that true there's nothing wrong with winter what if it was always summer God be great oh yeah I think you'd Borden summer much about to get burned now some people get burned in the summer some people get tan some people swim some people go on vacation springtime is a great time to you have to plant follow you get to reap you know what happens to some people life but some people do is they say okay I know what you said Robin so I turn my focus but it's not working you're still lag time God's delays are not God's denials that's the laser not God's denials you're in lag time it'll catch up Hey look you think it's fall we're still in winter do you think it's falling you're in spring or you've made it to summer but we're not to fall yet don't be so darn impatient take on a new prayer lord give me patience and give it to me right now be equally intelligent it's like some people think okay I don't know what I want I want this seed to be a plant they stick it in the soil they come out the next day and they go where's my plant the soul goes are you new that's not how it works you plan it here okay you come back every day and take care of it right you make it through the whole spring then doing summer when it's hot you got to really really take care of it cuz it gets even worse during that time and make it through all those seasons in the fall maybe more than likely not always but most of time you will have a plant here that's how it works that's not fair that's the life is how it he doesn't know how you think it should be is he coming back in today the plant see you come and start laughing you giggle look at this guy what's the matter with it why don't I have it yet lag time that's why don't make yourself wrong cuz you're doing the right things and you don't see the results yet takes time most people completely overestimate what can be done in a year and underestimate what can be done in a decade I can tell you my own career my own life my business life I gave my heart and soul every day every day two hundred and seventy six hundred hours per year good morning Lee mind giving my all anybody knows me will tell you oh my all every day no matter what you know what I was broke I was frustrated outside in terms of the business business where nothing was working not and I kept you know asked myself great question like why am i screwing this up so much it wasn't me screwing up its lag time how to make distinctions how to build something takes time but then the other day I got a little reality check which we're gonna teach you today a reality check is I've flying up to Los Angeles to do my seminar up there in my helicopter my jet helicopter it's a tough life but some of you have to live it so I want to drive for three hours I jumped the helicopter I'm there in 35 minutes and plus I go down and dive down by the dolphins in the water and let's back up and play it's like having your own roller coaster and I'm flying over this area where I used to work in Glendale California I worked there as a janitor I drove my 1960 Volkswagen that literally broke down the freeway one day because the wheel fell off I worked in the middle of night so I could still go to school then I got paid five dollars an hour but as a janitor they figured how many hours it should take so I did in half the time did a better job cuz I learned if you give more value you can turn one good thing for me to remember all of a sudden I flew over the bank and I stopped seeing a helicopter you can stop I can elevate his boom right there and I just hovered above where I used to work I thought that was 12 years ago I never for four or five years after that I never thought I could have ever had what I want let's see the world moves for those who just never give up who will move for those who persist forever and it changed their approach they're flexible and how they do it they don't just do the same thing over and over again the world moved for some of us faith the world move to somebody else trust and then acts on that trust that's the world move for some day you get to look down and go pat was there one time that's pretty exciting that's pretty good progress see just because you can get it when you want it you may have overestimated in the short term and underestimated your long term power and potential it's something you might want to remember we mentioned something earlier but I want to make sure you put in your notes and that is the state we're in in the moment the state rate at any moment powerfully in black impacts the meaning we associate to something the state were in in the moment powerfully impacts the meaning that we associate to something or that we assign to something so one way to change what things mean you just change a darn state it's that true maybe you're feeling great your things just kind of bounce off you that normally if you're feeling upset would you change the way you look at them probably change the way you feel about you bet so we need to really still manage our state we talked about that a great deal last session I want to make sure that that's part of your life's work your life's work is really learning how to live in a way we just spend most of your time enjoying yourself very little time and paying most your time and pleasure very little pain and living your life hopefully in a way where not only do you feel good all the time but the people around you feel good just by being around you that because they're around you they feel a lot less pain and fun a pleasure to have my idea success success is when you've learned to live your life in the way well you experienced tons of pleasure every day and almost no pain and simultaneously where the way you live also causes the people around you to experience very little pain and tons of pleasure then you know you're really successful because if you feel good and nobody else does you're a failure now that doesn't mean you go around trying to make everybody feel good some people have an investment in feeling bad because they think feeling bad equals feeling good are the people to believe that yes or no because they think if I feel bad then people will notice me or they'll love me more they'll help me more I'll get more attention which means feeling good people have weird crap day we were going to come inside their head about how to get to feeling good some people think I'm gonna feel good when I make a billion dollars some people like when I have this this and this when I get married have these many children this one is then I'll feel good some people have I'll feel good if I feel bad because then people knows me and make me feel good or you could just like choose to feel good which one you think might be a more intelligent approach because who's in control there you are you don't worry about the environment by the way when you're feeling good it tends to make you want to feel better it makes you share good feelings other people which makes them feel good which makes them reciprocate usually not always but usually kind of nice so the bottom line is we got to manage our state still and as a reminder as far as that's concerned changing state means changed meaning the way you can do it is either by changing your what anybody remember from last session change your way change your way change your physiology physiology again means the way you move the way you breathe your facial expressions your gestures the way to use your body determines the way you feel you gotta remember that for the rest of your life if you're not feeling the way you want to feel first thing you do is just change the way you're moving emotion is created by what motion emotion is created by motion you have 50 muscles in your face a slight change and these muscles will radically change the way you feel then when we did this last time I think what I like you do right now real quick let's create some tension in your body some tension then put a big huge smile on your face while you're doing it notice I filled how many feel somewhat excited when you feel this and he sees your hands you know why excitement has tension in it the only difference is you send a different biochemistry in your body to far-off different bio chemicals when you make a smile physically it changes you want to get depressed what do you do drop your shoulders look down breathe shallow drool I change what you move some people have limited emotions because they have limited motion but trying to express the feelings they go have something important you want to share with you hear me feel me and then illness versus listen to me let's make this happen let's do this do you understand I'm talking about here more emotion you have the more emotion you have and the certain emotions you're not feeling because you're not making certain movements happen in your face you want to change that you want to go for more see did I mention to you last time we talked about how certain people live together for a long time begin to look like each other dimension remember why cuz in order be in rapport you like people like us so we mirror back similar facial expressions you do it enough Li literally mold our muscles to me in that we use those kinds of emotions on an ongoing basis a lot of people look like their dog I don't have the explanation for them I don't know if they're mirroring in that case right there's a big somebody like it right let's see the thing we got to realize is we've got a control or physiology so throughout this day as last time I want you to remember to live at level 10 remember that means living level 10 means you got to do is ask your scalp on a scale from zero to ten where's my level of energy zero is dead 10 is unstoppable which level is gonna allow you to get more of this weekend which 110 without a doubt if nothing else happens from you coming to these forts and programs but every time you get here you demand from yourself for four days a little level 10 you think you might develop a little stronger emotional muscle yes or no and pretty soon what used to be hard to do like demanding 10 is the way you live it's easy it's like you can live that way easy no problem now you go home me live at that level does that impact your patients yes or no does that impact each other and then office yes or no does it impact your home life does that impact those ecstacy ideas we had about the relationship at home yes see if your level 10 every time with your personal relationship with that enhance it yes or no so how do you determine with your 10 or not you decide to go there and the way you decide to go there is you gotta ask yourself in regular basis where am I see I found the more you measure something the better it gets if you don't measure it you're not gonna do well if you set a goal on New Year's Eve and you check the next New Year's you're in trouble because you had one correction it was at the end of year it's too late once a month you got a better chance once a week you could really have once a day you won't have a bad year you won't have a bad month I wish I was a bad day the more we measure the better we get so we've got to do is ask ourselves why are we on the scale from zero to ten where are you right now let's go zero to ten hmm sit right now like you would if you're at level 10 that's clear you weren't at 10 then isn't it come on so the way you'd be at level 10 I mean Housley totally energized excited having fun being outrageous and playful super leaders sitting right now for your level 10 come on and most of all you're not a ten come on come on this is not ten let me see ten here come on even more energy come on most of you will probably have to make some noise are you somebody body to your total ten come on wait about it yep come on come on come on come on come on now this is level 10 now go to level 2 and imagine trying to learn in this pace for the next three days go back to now I want you to commit you're not going to drop below level eight for the rest of weekend are you wonder that yes or no yes or no great now if it's tough to stay at level 10 you want to put yourself at level 20 so just as a reminder stand up remember we do this put ourselves in a yes state I'll remember what that means good then what I want you to do right now is take off your jackets you have that not your blouse ma'am just the jacket now we're gonna put ourselves in that yes state we're gonna put ourselves in that state I talked about last time member I gave you a metaphor the last time we were together reminder I said there's a puddle of water here in front of me and I'm an old person I got out of that water what will I do no now just walk around it I'll walk around it and ditch about it well I walk around it okay but if I'm a kid how do I deal with a puddle yes that's the state we're going in all those ones that for the weekend say I if you're in that state and somebody like team Long's again yeah how'd it get feel without you would that be a healthy response on this okay looking for new ways the hissing get this person would that be more healthy yes or no sure it's more playful to more outrageous next time somebody is real just real back we'll do it funny well that break their pattern yeah piss them off even more well at least we're moving them in some direction so when I see now what you're gonna do is you're gonna wake your body up like a little kid again you're gonna scream wait wait wait wait yeah screaming yelling be totally outrageous like a kid if you want here before you'll catch on quick then at the peak of our being totally bizarre weird outrageous playful seductive fun adventurous and outrageous again we're gonna do at the peak of that is we're gonna go over our hands and say they would guess right at that moment and when you copy and say and say yes at that moment your jobs getting more energy more excitement more outrageous just in the moment before we'll do a faster and faster they amble do the whoa clap but what I want you to do is go to level 20 on this on a scale from zero to ten you're gonna go to level 20 you know that's impossible that's why we're going to do it cuz also once you been to level 20 level 10 feels like you're relaxing by contrast okay first let's just try the word yes strongly no side feels again ready strong good now let's put it all together he won't get again be outrageous trade some energy come on [Applause] now how many of you how many are in out level three now some of you here for the first time go what have I got myself into it's a cult if the yes cult now how do you get a mouthful you push yourself beyond what's comfortable and you do it consistently and that creates growth so we're gonna do it again I barely survived the first one let's ride again ready wait about here be our ladies come on [Applause] now in this state if somebody had some petty upset with you could you handle it great then get a bouncing hugs when the person next to you in grab a seat [Applause] hi we said there were two ways though that we could change our state one was a change our what now nice and loud or the other is to change our focus change the way we're representing things to ourselves like picturing things in our head is one way we focus somebody has to show up on time we fix our head I'll see why because they're out there messing around they don't care about me cuz listen listen is another one we focused by white we say to ourselves we represent oh well they're not doing it probably because they don't really love me we talk to ourselves in certain ways like Gentiles negative feelings but if we change what we focus on we change what we feel if you think of something you're afraid of in you focus on it we feel it you bet if you wanted to feel the press right now how many could pull it off no problem how would you do it you remember don't you little reminder here just put yourself in a lousy physiology or easily by the way you could do it of course mess up your biochemistry eat in a way that dropped your blood sugar through the floor or ask you to pull it off oh you have to do is think of something that once happened it made you feel bad something I'm gonna pass and remember it again that seems very intelligent doesn't it and feel bad about it once again how many of you would go to a movie that was terrible over and over and over and over again how many would think that would be real intelligent let me see your hands but if you look one of your friends said yeah go on swear the hate sucks I'm going back there again you go how many tension is my fell about four thousand what would you probably ask them why would you go back there well because I have to would you believe them I don't believe you either when you tell me that but I always believe in you cuz I know you know better you don't need to go those movies anymore don't want to miss anyway made by poor directors lousy writers lousy producers you're a better producer director and writer now you're probably a better actor or actress so why not create it the way you want it instead of seeing the same old movies over and over again most producers I know don't sit and watch their worst movies over and over and over again and feel bad about them again the muslim doers they go that was part of my learning experience time to move on how else could you feel bad by the way you could do it currently couldn't you all you have to do is think of something you think you've lost that maybe hasn't even happened well I think it's something that you want that you're not getting right now I feel bad about it or you could think of something it hasn't even happened yet and feel bad about it in advance can you do that like oh my god and focus on what if this happens oh oh feels there oh gosh remember a coward dies a thousand deaths a courageous man or woman only once because the coward runs through the head a million times it feels like you're dying a million times you have any faith and courage that if it really ever does happen you'll just deal with it once you feel the pain only one time stead of snacked over and over and over and over again you want to feel good could you do that sure where the producer go back to some of their best movies and see them again do you think yes or no will they even share some of those movies with their friends you know what some people do some people actually take the worst movies that pass and go share them with their friends their worst movies tell them all about all the gory details of it and the Franklin's yeah that's really great let's see a real great producer director shows in their current films shows them some examples of films that about to come called previews previews are rather exciting usually or they show them about films in their past and share those with them so the people get to enjoy more of their life maybe you'll learn something who knows they either remember something once happened it was great feel good about it you can think something right now that you can feel great about or you can think of something hasn't even happened yet and feel good about it in advance what determines what you focus on though is one thing the questions you ask yourself a question you ask yourself determine what you focus on in that moment what questions you ask are usually controlled by your beliefs but you could ask any question but unless you do it consciously you'll just ask the same questions that are in line with your old beliefs your old BS belief systems so the bottom line is gotta have better questions and I will tell you the question I want you to learn to ask the next time you get upset with someone this is the first question I would ask myself if I were you what else could this mean what else could this mean I will know a person is intelligent say this is a salmon I forget except then I thought to myself what else could this mean you know maybe it doesn't mean what I think it means maybe they weren't really being harsh maybe what means is their stress maybe what I'm hearing from this person about what they said about me is not true maybe what it really is is a distortion not that they mean to distort but it's a distortion maybe what I've heard this person said about me as a deletion maybe this person is generalizing maybe this person heard through somebody else maybe that person misinterpreted what I said maybe this whole thing isn't accurate maybe it's accurate but they're stressed maybe I'm just stressed right now maybe what this really means is I'm stressed I need to get more resourceful and be more loving and I can handle maybe what this is what this means is it's a chance for me to go to the next level what else could this mean you're only upset when you've decided on a meaning that creates of upset so if you're feeling upset what else could this mean cuz again how many of you have ever thought something meant something I've been upset about it later on you were wrong how many have done this so wouldn't be smart as a first step to always ask what else could this mean and search for other possibilities see with my friends I always do this if I care about somebody I always do this and what I've learned to do is even people I didn't so much care about or didn't even know what else good as me see that makes your whole life open up and expand see once you think you know what everything means you're in deep trouble because then you're a kid you don't happen you just have this big giant doorway but then you became an adult and you notice the door you started saying I know how this door works and you closed a little bit he said I know the world isn't closed the more I know the world isn't pretty soon now you know how the world is you absolutely know how the world was see when your kid you didn't know how the world was it was just amazing how big the world was it was amazing how much wonder there was in the world how much you could learn how much you grow stimulated you where you stimulate all kinds of things because you didn't know for sure what everything was you're always curious about what things work but as an adult you now know what everything is and if it doesn't fit in there it's wrong hmm we're going to open a door back open by saying well yeah but what else could it mean what else could it mean what else could it mean what else could it mean what else could it mean feel a little freer the other question I tend to ask myself is do I know everything there is to know about this do I know everything there is to know about this somebody says something to you they're really upset with you or somebody reads the voice I mean say me what else could it mean well good mean this dress could mean and understand could mean they don't even realize they're yelling could mean that they need some support could mean what I know it means it's a cry for help could mean that I'm oversensitive right now could mean I react to voice tonality instead of real feelings could mean that could mean nothing could just be something that came and went do I know everything there is no about this no I don't know everything guys know about this I mean there's all kinds things could be going on I don't know open your world again we're gonna teach you do this in a format that makes sense now the thing that happens though if we want to be able to really take control of our meaning is we gotta pay attention to our emotions so in your notes write down emotions under emotions now in fact you might want to write there were negative emotions negative emotions negative emotions and then so you write it down and cross it out the word negative anyway what are some of your negative emotions tell me what they are fear what else Tommy hate what else anger what else guilt what else worry what else upset guilt what else frustration I got a question for you are they really negative I'm going to tell you there's no way they're negative every emotion you've ever had in your life serves a purpose the problem the reason it's negative is you've been calling it negative instead of getting the message it's been trying to give you every emotion you have including those you think of as negative those ones you call negative emotions I call them emotional messages I also call them calls to action all those negative emotions is used to label them are really a call to action fear is a call to action by the way do you feel like all action in your body when you're afraid yes or no does your Dremel and start pumping your whole system start gearing up emotions recall to action and the call to action says one of two things has to happen that call them action it's a message every emotion is a message a call to action and the action the message is trying to give you is that you need to change either number one your perception of this or number two your current actions every negative emotion you've ever felt is not negative now you may be overusing them I'll agree with you you may be indulging in them I agree with you you may not be getting them message from them what's making it negative is you're not getting the message it's trying to give you but every emotion fear frustration hate and your guilt all of those emotions are here to serve you if you get quick the message but most of us do is we just indulge in the emotion so we never get the message and that's why it's a negative because it starts screwing up your body because what it is is a signal signal the act and you're not acting that's why you feel sick to your stomach you're not acting you just keep on indulging emotion not hearing the message so the message is always you must change something negative emotions are saying you got to change something either change the way you're perceiving this change the meaning you linked to this change your perception change your focus or change your actions change what you're doing cuz it isn't working that's why you're having that emotion don't make your motions wrong I appreciate them be grateful for them but immediately then ask yourself hey what's the message that my emotions trying to give me here what do I need to change my perception of my actions this makes sense yes now so then how do we make use of it well first of all notice this how do most of us deal with our emotions most of us deal with our emotions by suppressing them in fact before you write that down actually I put over here four ways to deal with emotions four ways to deal with emotions I think the number one way most people do their emotions is they try to avoid them by the way how effective is that no you might do it for a moment or two but most people they just try to avoid feeling isn't that true people like who don't like the view negativeness is so afraid of many things I try not to feel any feelings now if you don't feel any feelings you really gonna have some pain that's what life is for life is part of the juice of life is expressing and feeling sometimes people have so much pain they say I don't feel anything it never works because eventually it comes out anyway and then you feel bad about never having felt bad you feel bad about the fact you didn't feel good you have a sense of loss because you didn't feel things second way people try and deal with emotions as they endure them I'm gonna grunt it out we render these I'm gonna make it through this I'll hang on to this again this doesn't work now they may try and disassociate after a while here again or they may try and suppress the emotion I'll just endure it I'll just keep pushing it down and I'll make it through it I'll just endure it that doesn't make it better either Third Way but some people do I don't know if you've ever seen this happen I'm sure you've never done this people compete to see who feels the worst some people just they keep track for their emotions so they can share them with other people and compete so somebody says oh man I feel like hell oh you feel like hell let me tell you idea you think you got a problem let me tell you my problem you think you got the biggest problem check out my problem it stands out to hear and people sit there and try and argue about who's got the worst problem right or the fourth thing they don't have up there that say the fourth thing that people do is try and share their pain share their problem they think oh I get rid of my motion by sharing with others they try and get other people to feel bad too that way we'll be friends we can share in the pain together we must love each other are these very intelligent ways to deal with your emotions yes or no now you don't want to avoid them you don't want to endure them you don't want to compete who's got the biggest and worst emotion try make yours worse than somebody else's you don't want to share them make them feel bad to what a friend you are just then what you want to do to step 5 learn from them and utilize them you want to learn from them and utilize them now in order to learn something utilize the more a change in emotion we have to change what's something what's to us starts with an M we have to change what something Wyatt means to us when we change what something means we transform our emotion we have a transformation does that make sense in other words if I'm feeling really upset about them I'm angry angry angry do I have to communicate that to get off my anger no not necessarily I'm angry because of the meaning I linked up what if I change what it means in my end I realize that's not what it means then will I feel angry yes or no yes or no if I'm really angry about something I'm angry because of what I've linked up to it I'm saying well I'm angry because they did that and that means this but if I really analyze it and I look at it for a while and I go yeah that's much of crap it doesn't really mean that then I transform my feeling do I now have to go that person and say what you did made me angry yes or no yes or no no because I don't have that feeling I truly don't have it I'm not suppressing it I've transformed it suppression however is when you keep the same meaning that you keep the same meaning you're upset about something and you keep the same meaning you don't change the meaning all you try and do just stuff the emotion you try to pretend it's not there that's suppression so if you keep the same negative emotion you don't change how you feel about you just try and pretend it's not there that's suppression and that's when you get in trouble so our goal is not just to take things and not suppress them and just express whatever we feel because if you just go express whatever you feel you don't think it out are you gonna always communicate well yes or no now in fact you may say things later on you'll regret in the heat of the moment because you're in state so what you first want to do is see if you can transform it honestly and sincerely and if you can't then your goal is to get someone to help you to transform it go to the source and get the source to help you to transform this so you know what I felt this way about this I made it this bizarre meaning I know it's not true because I know who you really are but this is like a crap I did in my head can you help me I need to change this can you give me some more information some feedback or help me to clarify this thing I'm kind of screwed this up in my brain cuz I know that's not what you meant that's what I did inside my head can you help me out it's that different then you know something the other day when you do this I felt this which by the way implies what they did made you feel something is that true yes or no does anybody do anything and make you feel something yes or no yes or no absolutely not absolutely not now you've a right to feel the way you feel but that isn't true that it's actually what made you feel that way you chose to make yourself feel that way you communicated that to yourself so instead of saying when you do this that made me feel this that's implying that somebody made you do something that takes responsibility away from the one person who can change your life meaning you so I request in the future this nothing wrong with any of them I want to do is enhance it the way one handset is come from the place of I'm communicating because I want to transform something and I'm responsible not them you know I need your help I need your help the other day when this thing happened I use that to interpret that to mean this and I know it's not true because I know who you are I need some clarity can you help me out I gotta clean this up and me who's responsible by the way what do you want to help you yes or no by the way what you're really doing here is making clear what you're really doing which is you're doing a cry for help maybe not crying you're making a request for help instead of crying make sense and people here this is a request for help do we want to help other people yes or no especially yes we're all in the helping business that's why we do what we do that's the bottom line so we're gonna develop a format like this where we don't suppress but we don't just express because you know what happens if you just go out there whatever you feel you express what you really do is you vent and then you make it right or you demand it see venting and demanding does not make communication better in the long term how many would agree with me on this we want to go to a different level we want to transform our communication when it trans school form what things mean to us now here's what I want to be able to have you do I want you to be able to take the emotions that you're experiencing and be able to deal with them quickly so I'm gonna give you six steps to changing or dealing with not dealing with but I guess utilizing is the right word sixth ft utilizing any emotions you feel that you used to call negative which now I call emotional messages or calls to what calls to action whenever you're feeling a negative emotion which we're now going to call emotional messages it's a call to action and a saying you need to change something what do you need to change one of two things repeat back what are they change either number one you're wet no while you could change the physiology but if you are getting feedback right now you're getting a negative emotion that negative motions a message it's saying you've got to change either your perception or your actions and your actions could be the way using your body or your focus or whatever to change your perception of your actions now here's what happens when you get a negative emotion or a now an emotional message number one you want to identify what the emotion is so you starting to feel negative things want to define what is the emotion now when you identify the emotion what the emotion is like you're feeling you're really upset ask yourself what am I really feeling underneath this you might like it on the question what am I really feeling what am I really feeling so when you say I'm upset I mean so what am I really feeling and what let your answer be when you say what am I really feeling I'm gonna set with this person what am I really feeling I might be feeling hurt does that change how you feel in that moment you identify that yes or no yes and when you say what am I really feeling you might put a little note in your notes use some TV use some TV when you come up with your label transformational what vocabulary so instead of saying I'm destroyed I'm devastated I'm humiliated you might say I'm feeling a little bit hurt use TV and use what I call softeners softeners are the words like a little bit of softeners and TV here's the second key once you've identified what it is and by the way usually it's gonna be I have a sense of hurt or a sense of loss almost all emotions will probably come down that in most cases is that true in most cases not all second thing you do acknowledge and appreciate the message it asks for you don't deny your emotions don't avoid your emotions don't suppress your emotions don't make them wrong don't share them start by identifying what they really are and then acknowledge and appreciate the message it has for you in other words acknowledge hey this is a real emotion I'm glad I'm having it it's gonna have a great message for me then go to step 3 get incredibly curious get incredibly curious as to what it has to offer you as to what the message get incredibly curious as to what the message is underneath this one number three as you get incredibly curious as to what the message is write down the question what is the real message this emotion is giving me what is the real message this emotion is trying to give me what is the real message of some motion is trying to give me and offer you some ways to do this let's do the all six those you know we're going step four get the question on three some you're still there question number three is what is the message this emotion is trying to give me what's the real message number four get yourself to feel reassured that you can deal with this emotion get yourself to feel reassured then you can deal with this emotion see a lot of times the stress is oh my god how am I gonna deal with this so give yourself reassured you can deal with emotion the way you do that is remember a time when you've dealt with this emotion successfully in the past we're a member of time when you've dealt with this emotion successfully in the past so if all of a sudden you start to feel depressed that's pretty negative feeling I first of all wouldn't know call it depression I'd say a little bit down but first thing you do is you go all can feel this terrible feeling fine start to feel depressed so what am I really feeling well I'm really just feeling a little bit down okay great you know what that's great I appreciate that's a message I need to get curious what is that message what's the message this thing's trying to give me and what depressions message usually is by the way is you need to reset your priorities that you don't feel like you're in control that you got too many things going at once you know you feel out of control when you're depressed so what I do is set some priorities and go do the first one on your list that's what the message is telling you you feel out of control the way to get in control reset your priorities and go do one thing and complete it the minute you do your self-esteem will go right back up so that's a message so what's the message it's offering me by the way I'm gonna teach you the nine most powerful emotions that you probably experience what their messages are so you don't have to wonder about this you'll know what they are step 4 get yourself to feel reassured by remembering times will be dealt with this in the past and you ever feel a little bit down before what used to call oppressed how many of ever that way in the past misuse your hands how many have dealt with it let me see your hands great if you remember that two things happen you're gonna feel reassured you can deal with it plus you're gonna remember how you did it which means you can use what you did in the past to change it right now why wait most of us forget the best parts of our past which is how we dealt with things and turn them around we just remember the negative feelings that's kind of weird then we need to manage our memories better remember the things that have resources for us and forget the things that done number five get certain get certain that you can handle anything like this in the future get certain not only can you deal with the emotion you have right now but what you should do is use this as an opportunity be certain for yourself get yourself certain event happens the future I'll handle this emotion quicker and easier get certain that you can handle anything like this in the future by rehearsing yourself dealing with it in the future in other words think of a time in the future where this compression couldn't come up and see yourself feel yourself rehearsing again use this as a tool of empowerment so you remember time when you were depressed before a little bit down you turned around took you awhile but you feel right remember what you did I've dealt with this before I can deal it again and then you say let me take this opportunity to get certain that I can handle this if it ever came up in the future and the way I'm gonna do that I'm gonna sit down right now and I'm gonna think I'm okay what kind of things might happen the future I might get better I might expect some didn't work feel bad about it let me think of a time like that okay let me see myself hear myself feel myself deal with it you see hear and feel yourself dealing with it easily and you do this two or three or four times if you keep doing it two three or four times then in the future when it comes up guess what your brain will do your Randall all I can handle this I'm already prepared how many you're following logic of this let me see your hands okay so get certain you can deal with in future by rehearsing and by the way remember this you might want to put this in your nose your brain cannot tell the difference between something you vividly imagine that's something you actually experience your brain cannot tell the difference between something you vividly imagine when you see it you hear you feel you taste it you touch it you smell it and you're in your mind and something that actually occurs if you doubt this have you ever had a dream it was so real you've got every physical response to it how many dream like that okay you can have a dream anytime you want even while you're awake all you have to do is rehearse something your mind enough times vividly enough and it's real if you over and over again rehearse yourself dealing with emotion easily then it's real next time it comes up you've already got the programming you already have the resources to turn it around in a heartbeat then this emotional message it's dealt with in the future not just for today and the six-step take action and change your life whatever the message is take the action that you need to take and change your life do something doing something always will change how you feel you feel bad because you're not doing anything and by the way you'll continue to feel bad until you do something to change so you do anything it'll improve you and move you in the direction you want to go so let's take another example what's another uh negative emotion you feel let's hear an example when you thought recently somebody raised your hand rejection so what's the first step when you think you're feeling rejection what's step number one come on guys what is it identify it specifically identify what the motion really is let's call it that identify what the emotion really is identify what the emotion really is so you ask yourself what am I really feeling so a person said rejection what were you really feeling Shh nobody an answer that's your answer his answer was disappointment is that different than rejection yes or no yes or no yes and by the way when he realizes he's just disappointed it's not as intense as rejection is it what happened with one question his pain just dropped it's still painful probably but not even ears intense am i false or true and then okay great now so he's disappointed great so now he knows what he really is disappointed he might even add some TV or a softener here and the softener might be he might say I was a what a little bit disappointed a little bit this point okay that makes it even less now what does he do number two does he make himself wrong for feeling that way yes or no yes or no what does he do he's the acknowledged and what else appreciate the fact that he's getting a very valuable message and the message he needs to change something easy to change his perception about it so he's no longer disappointed we need to change this action so he doesn't be disappointed now or in the future step three wasn't you've you get incredibly what like a little kid what curious when we're curious do we learn things more we learn better were curious you bet so need to get incredibly curious about what this message has to offer him if you were really curious what do you think that message really had to offer you perhaps this was just an unmet expectation that was playing place up here and wasn't even reality what's happening to his level of emotional intensity right now how many see that it's dropping can you see that okay it's dropping right now we're great can you remember time next step is get himself real wet we wait great and the way to do that is get into what remember a time when he's done with it have you ever been disappointed before and dealt with it can you remember a specific time you turned it around maybe good you remember specific one think for a moment time when you turn around and you made it great you actually took it to meet it to your advantage remember time like that how about feel so you know how to deal with this don't you why I got a question for it what did you do back then that changed it he redefined the terms he's gonna use he changed his perception or his rules great how's that feel when you resolved it so great so when he goes to reassure this to things happen in the reassurance one is he sees he can deal with it he sees and feels he can deal with this easily and number two he sees how and number three he remembers how good it feels to to do relieve himself from the feeling so remembers how good it feels to get rid of it which by the way it makes him want to get rid of it right now once the last two steps step number five what do we want to make sure we make sure he doesn't just not feel bad about anymore now but we want to make sure his future is better we want to get him what get way certain that he can handle this in the future so he probably feels pretty certain right now but you know what I'd like you to do I can take some other area in life where it possibly in life you could have gotten disappointed in the future some kind of thing that might come up do you think of something that could come up and do that Lucky's already knows close your eyes for a minute and just Ramon what I want you to do is I'm will you thinking that things starting to happen when you start to get disappointed or feel rejected actually is what you did initially then you realize you're just despondent you just handle it see yourself handling in the future even better than you have in the past and notice how good it feels emitting handling you feel that think of another time something else that could happen in the future where it might been a real real major disappointment but see yourself handle it real quickly real easy getting off and making it work and notice how good you feel soon as you handle it yeah I do it one more time do three the third one some other area life we were really disappointed see and feel yourself handling that real easily real quickly you got it good how do you feel about your ability to deal with us in the future more confident how many can hear it his voice you hear that either depth in his voice the last thing is go take action and change it you may have already done that if it was changing a perception or you can go do it physically how many follow the system okay we're gonna do one more I need a volunteer up here so everybody can see this person cuz if you woulda saw and spacious now change somebody who's had an emotion that you really you know recently had and bugged you of kratom negative feeling freak somebody's got one of those Oh nobody in the whole room I don't want to be out there I don't know what he'll do oh boy all this all his people here appointing this guy here that your staff pointing at you dr. Bob dr. Bob give me an you sneeze great yes sir he's gonna reward you guys for this later he probably will actually dr. Bob what's the negative a meetin negative message a negative feeling that you've had recently that you'd like to change really are committed to changing that's bugging you disappoint me to rejection well it seems why that's going around let's be casual the rejection virus people are spreading it okay well which one would you like to deal with are they tied together well actually it's uh its opponent what question we just asked for him to say actually it's uh he's already done step one what's the question he just fast friend already say actually it's uh what did he ask he asked he first of all star identify what the feeling really was didn't a and the question he asked is what am I really wet feeling what do you really feeling anger anger ah what what's that really well what that really is is uh I was angry because I felt rejected mm-hmm and I was really disappointed about what happened circumstance so what's he done he's managed to stack his negative emotions one on top of another and by the way this is unique to dr. Bob nobody else you know does this do they but what are you really feeling all that stuff what's that what's behind all that stuff you just really feel what rejected rejected discipline I mean it's just kind of discounted by you look like a computer that keeps running the same program over and over again danger reject this is what he's running right back through the thing do you feel hurt yes yeah do you feel rejected or do you feel hurt I feel hurt you feel disappointed do you feel her or do you feel a sense of loss a sense of loss you feel rejected if you feel a sense of loss sense of loss do you feel angry you feel a sense of loss sense of loss you feel her do you feel sense of loss loss what does it always come down to loss that we can call what everyone okay so he's identified so next question is what we wanted to do should he feel bad about having those feelings yes or no no you know what these are valuable messages that are coming to you they really truly are but that what you should feel bad about is indulging in them and not using them not learning you want to go back feel bad if you don't learn anything then feel bad and then get tired of feeling bad and just decide to learn something because you learned something as soon as you ask what kind of learning for this right so right now is instead of thinking wrong why waited for a moment is really appreciate those emotions acknowledge the fact those emotions are have a valuable message and then immediately get what like a kid get what get curious for a second is what those messages really are what it what can you really learn from that what does that message really offering you in other words let's go back up to the first one you said rejection I being rejected or disappointed what do you really what is that motion of rejection trying to tell you the relationships important love's important it's telling him that relationship is important that love is really important him is that a valuable message yeah what was that disappointed and then telling him what was the message he was trying to tell you Merson they say I don't know if you did know and it had a positive message what it's always telling you to change something I'm telling you to change your perception about something or it's telling you to change your actions so what is that emotional disappointment telling you to change what what do you need to change how do I love how he loves very interesting and what way do you need to change how you love how its communicated it's shown how it's communicating so now what do you need to communicate and show your love more effectively I'm curious is that better than feeling rejected disappointed in loss yes or no is this a powerful transformation in this man yes or no okay so stay curious cuz that's it instead of oh I don't know the answer we don't know the answer and you're a little kid what do you do you get even more what if you don't know the answer to all got into the entropy light that I don't feel so good they go I'm getting more curious you have plenty of time that's curiosities what would you guys need to be more confused good confused means you're about to make a change is that true see when you know what things mean you'll just keep doing it the way you've always done it he was not confused we went I just wanted to UM reject and brush it back he kept doing it over and over he was not confused to know exactly how to do that now he's confused his little brains going this little computer for their work in the same way so you know let's help them out with this what do you need to change in order to no longer feel this you can change your perception or your actions are both and what what do you need to change about your perceptions what do you need to change about your actions you don't want to write that down okay so my action should be different but that weren't if what I did didn't work I need to try something else that's right so I need to communicate that differently I behave differently okay and how many hear what he just said did you understand what he said he said what is saying is the way I communicated in fact I got rejected is a message that was really important to me and then I need to change the way I'm communicating so I get what I want because obviously it didn't work so I'm gonna change my approach is that true that different than I'm not worthwhile as a meaning or they don't love me as a meaning yes or no huge difference in how I feels have you ever felt rejected or disappoint in the past and dealt with it really powerfully or really effectively yes remember a specific time yes okay go back to that time and remember how you dealt with it and how you turn it around and made it something positive okay how'd that feel first of all great a sense of accomplishment yeah that's right and how did you do it I took action what did you do to take action how did you do that what'd you do I started doing things differently I'm expressing myself differently did it work yeah by the way what is this doing now it's teaching his brain if you do this you're gonna get pleasure what you used to do gave you what hey the brain is always trying to avoid what and move towards what he's teaching his brain right now he's rewiring his brain a little bit here how about the way I can isn't these computer metaphors all right I see something you get pain when I do that I think it's because you think oh do you think I'm just a computer no I didn't see you as a spiritual dean who also has a filtering system and that filtering system sometimes you allow to take control and keep you from doing what you do naturally which is just love and appreciate other people including yourself okay so we got to deal with both sides how it is how we operate unconsciously as well as who we are we want to deal with how we operate so we can be more of who we are now I might get to think about this for the future first of all you feel pretty good about you to be able to deal with it right now yes yeah and by the way it doesn't really look like you nailed it now yes or no so think about the future I like it think of some place in the future where you could have felt rejected or disappointed something that could come up that could cause you to feel rejected or disappointed okay okay close your eyes if you would and see yourself using your skills and lay at ten times better quicker more easily turning around right away and feel good at deals are turning that around okay how does that feel it was good can you do it yes easily your heart I can do it you can do it okay great so now I want you to do it that's great so now it close your eyes don't you think of another time we'll come up I'll just talk my way to do it easily I want you your resources inside of yourself you haven't thought of before now we're gonna do it even in joy turn around make it happen easier and quicker okay okay looking about vas gonna do it can you do that yes sir yes I'm asking him a better question it gives me better resources okay you see yourself handling a quicker and easier in that one yes how does that feel great how many see the difference in here in his voice okay let's do one more think it's something else they've come on the future we could have felt rejected disappointed but now act now you handle really as they real quickly just like this okay have you already done it mmm-hmm son he's going well faster this isn't he got some experience how do you feel when you do that super super look at his face now if someone were to say I'm gonna reject you now thank you very much [Applause] so I want you to try this let me help you another step would it be useful so to be seeing when you're inside here trying to search around go what is this emotion mean I don't know what it means let me give you 9 emotions and what they usually mean ok would that be helpful right sit up in your chair with some remote energy then put yourself in a big state and let's take a look at what 9 these emotions are 8 or 7 or whatever I put up here are number one fear so if you're feeling fear what does that mean usually what's the message the message always is that you need to change something is that true yes or no so every negative emotion means I've got a what I've got a wet change something either my perception or what I'm doing fear means that you've got to prepare for something you're afraid because your brain saying messages prepare change what are you doing get more prepared prepare for something that's going to happen so you're better prepared for it physically now sometimes we just indulge in the emotion and we stay in the fear and we really aren't prepared for example let's say you're gonna get to speak in front of a group and you're prepared but you still have fear it's because you got the message you did the work but you didn't shut the motion off and say you know I am prepared no reason to be afraid anymore I'm ready I'm ready you never told your brain it's okay don't forget the message anywhere I've done my work okay so it's saying you need to prepare for something maybe it's a physical challenge maybe it's preparing for some loss that may be coming up something's about to come up you need to be prepared for it okay just get prepared but once you get prepared get off it let your buddy know okay I am prepared move on focus on what you want now what's hurt hurt usually is telling you an expectation he now does not the net just tell ya you have this expectation it's not that so what should you do when you have an expectation that's not met you should focus on what you do want now I done your notes focus on what you do want now don't keep focusing on why you're disappointed or how somebody disappointed you or how you feel so hurt by them okay expectation wasn't met and you need to change your approach focus on it or it means you need to change your communication hurt means you expected someone to treat you a certain way and they didn't treat you that way so you need to change your communication you to come to them and say you know I need your help you know when you communicate that way in the past I've interpreted out to be needed care I know you care because I know how much you love me and I love you but you know could you help me out this way what does it really mean to you when you do that and then listen so you know in the future I really appreciate it if you do it this way instead would that work for you would you be won't do that okay great fantastic it's a message says you got to communicate your needs better if you're feeling hurt Court means I need to communicate my needs better or heard also means I need to meet someone else's needs so you feel hurt because you need meet their needs that's why I didn't meet yours either you're not meeting their needs you're not communicating how do you need to be met or you have an expectation you to move on this is not gonna work out so what will 3rd anger anger is a message that says you have a major rule that's been violated when you're angry you have a rule that's been violated y'all have rules about how things must be and how they should be and boy some rules if somebody violated some of our rules and we really get angry know it by the way you may also be angry because you violated your own rules how's that true yeah you're not doing what you believe you must do and you get angry with yourself sometimes we eating with ourselves we spread that out toward somebody else find something lay blame on for frustration frustration as a message that what you're doing isn't working and that you need to what change you're frustrated means you still can succeed but you got to change your frustrates Escott something's here you know you could succeed you're frustrated because what you're doing isn't working change and you can still get what you want phlex disappointment disappointment some message again you expect if something happen it's not going to so immediately focus on what you want now focus on what you want now it's a message that you have to get off it you let go on something and move on and focus on what you want now guilt guilt is a powerful emotion if it's not abused and overused and indulged in any of these emotions are lousy if you indulge them would you agree with me on that sit there indulging your fear and you're hurting your anger indulging me keep focusing on the feeling instead of getting the message of moving on learning guilt though can be valuable it's telling you you have violated one of your own standards and you need to do something immediately to be certain you won't do this again you're having that pain of guilt because your brain is saying you just violated one of your most important standards of your life you violated with your own values and you're gonna keep doing this pain until you make yourself certain you're not gonna do this again you know what some people do they just keep going back and feeling guilty about what they did in the past the message is saying get clear you broke your own rules and commit no matter what you're not gonna do it again they can clear be certain you're not going to do it again and your will go away like that because that's the purpose of guilt to make sure you don't violate your standards and make sure you do it well in the future could your standards be unreasonable you bet there's a woman in this room I heard about it was feeling guilty because last night she came here and she wasn't with her kids on Halloween let's all look at that person I don't know where they are let's pretend we can see them they give them dirty looks how dare you can I return the person you have hey you know something's funny we all have rules our rules always fair yes or no now sometimes they have totally unreasonable rules like an already successful we have to like changing to our world tomorrow have everybody happy all the time have everybody love us at every moment our kids be thrilled make eight billion dollars a year I been pretty hard to meet that rule so sometimes the feedback you're getting about frustration or disappointment is sometimes are saying you got totally unfair rules for yourself sometimes when you're angry you may be saying your rules are too stringent for other people maybe you need to remember about those people with quintuplets have a few less rules you have a lot less anger does that make sense seven if you feel overwhelmed helpless or depressed or unhelpful so depressed that's a message and the message that your brain is giving you is you're over choked what people used to say is all man there's two my got to change everything in my life don't you can't change everything in life at one time do it a step at a time where do you start where you are sit down and reprioritize overwhelm or to process it down and prioritize that it's just write a list of what's most important for you to do what could you do right away to start feeling better we're gonna be right away to start feeling better what can I do to take control right away it won't solve it all which is what could you do make a list an order and then go do the first one take action this is saying over what I'm saying you got to stop trying to do everything at once you need to make a list of what you need to do and do one thing well as soon as you do that one thing well you'll feel like you're in control of your life you keep one commitment to yourself and all of a sudden you feel good again you start feeling like you're in control you don't feel depressed anymore how many by this theory I tell you you do it will work feeling along all that is is a message that you need to connect with people and to change the way you're doing it right now you're proceeding you're alone change what your perception is you change your action go out and eat somebody wanna talk something going to initiate want any more loving so you're feeling alone it means hey God it means you need to connect with another human being and nine if you feel inadequate that's a message that you need to change your standards cuz you mean unfair to yourself or get committed master this area change your standards some people like they feel inadequate unless they're perfect at something the day they start it how many were great the first day that you ever tried to tie your shoes how many of you are confident in tying your shoes now this is I've had something real confident no how do you feel like man you can flat-out tie your shoes no problem you see a fancy no problem why that's right because you do it all the time so you didn't do over and over again you get good at you're feeling adequate maybe because your standard is you're trying to be perfect the first time you're not gonna be perfect at first I'm not dumb okay is this let's help you yes or no great

Channel: THE DAILY BUZZ inc.

Views: 346,277

Rating: 4.7918835 out of 5

Keywords: #TonyRobbins #Motivation

Id: GEwXprW-KgI

Length: 116min 4sec (6964 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 08 2018