TIFU by making such a disgusting smell from my crack it evacuated a courtroom

watch out for the hurricane stay safe tofu by making such a disgusting smell from my but it evacuated a courtroom so this happened about five hours ago so today i woke up and had really painful cramps due to the deadly woman's monthly cycle mixed with some spiced chicken that hadn't set right in my belly all night i go to the toilet about three times before work this morning but it's eased off a bit so take tablets grin and bear it then leave for work now my job is a working within the prison system and escorting prisoners to certain places including courts this is where it all went downhill i had to escort this prisoner over to the witness box and stand next to her open court so i do my usual but my tummy has started to really hurt again i'm trying my absolute best to put off a fart which i know is brewing but can't hold it much longer so i do a really silent one and pat myself on the back thinking i had got away with it that is until the prisoner starts coughing and retching and shouting what the ducks that i quickly realize what it must be but can't admit to such a foul putrid smell so start crinkling my nose as well and gagging the admin clerk walks slightly closer and wretches so hard she had to swiftly put her head in the bin by this point it's getting loud and chaos is starting to ensue not what you want in court in front of the district judge he quickly tells me to take the prisoner back over to the closed dock and states it must be the pipes he stands down the whole of court and makes maintenance coming to check all pipes for any leaks cracks anything which could have made that smell happen prisoner still has watery eyes in pretending to gag and the clerk is sipping water next to a bucket tldr so yeah court was stood down for over an hour whilst it was searched for the cause of a smell not knowing the cause was back down in the cells hanging her head in shame and regaling to her co-workers about the leaky pipe upstairs he stands down the whole of court and makes maintenance coming to check all pipes for any leaks cracks anything he didn't check all the cracks can i buy you the same chicken and ask you to shut down a certain bank branch that treated me like crap i feel like this needs to be an available paid service i would pay good money for some righteous revenge crop dusting bangs gavel odor odor in the court this pun stinks i have similar thing happen when i first started dating my husband lying in bed i had to fart so bad but when had only been together two months worst period mixed and a spicy curry that didn't sit well i thought it would be okay nope let it out immediately gagged he has a sweet little dog curled up with us and i blamed it on him my now husband booted him from the room i confessed seven years later and he remembered vividly and didn't talk to me for two days because i had betrayed his dog tofu by not reading the menu carefully at gordon ramsay's steakhouse so my girlfriend and i are in atlantic city for two nights our first vacation of any sort since covered 19 started we made reservations tonight for outdoor poolside dining at gordon ramsay steak at the harass we were there last year when things were normal and we're lucky this was one of the few restaurants open and with good outdoor dining the morton steakhouse has tables set up at the valley parking area at caesars we didn't go through with that reservation lol as such i figured i'd splurge and get somewhajayu beef well they had real deal japanese a5 cob on the menu and it was cheaper than american wagyu the code was only dollars for four ounces instead of eighty dollars for eight ounces of water so i'm a big guy i'm hungry so i ordered 12 ounces of kobe the steak was amazing i'm in my 40s and only had wajahoo before in my life just twice i had never had real deal kobe it was like nothing else you'll ever have melt in your mouth delicious we also ordered a couple of sides appetizers and my girlfriend had chef ramsay's famous beef wellington for the first time ever all in all an amazing meal and we were glad we could support the restaurant and its staff during these challenging times and i still couldn't believe code was cheaper than wajahoo or so i thought i had to read the menu again when the bill came because for two people the bill was over six hundred dollars turns out the japanese a5 was thirty five dollars per ounce with a four ounces minimum purchase size not thirty five 35.44 ounces so tldr today i ducked up by accidentally ordering and eating a 420 steak edit i wish chef ramsay was there to come out and call me a donut for ducking this up lol [Music] what you bought was a six hundred dollar story for the rest of your life every time someone says this is good steak you can say yeah but yeah what really happened was he spent six hundred dollars to be able to be that [ __ ] who can tell people they don't really know what good stick is or he could be a bro and go to friends bbqs and while eating the steak that you just made and be like you know i once spent six hundred dollars on coke beef at a gordon ramsay restaurant and this steak you just made is every bit as good as that was that's pretty common at super high-end places you gotta be real careful i would think they would make it extra clear what the prices are when dealing with an odd expensive item so there is no argument later on if you order something confidently they assume you know what you're doing that's how i ended up with giant sea snails on my plate at a high-end italian restaurant tofu by making my one night stand breakfast i got out of a bad relationship a few months ago and only recently felt good enough to get out of the house again this was my first ever boyfriend and he turned out to be a piece of crap so i was obviously a bit hesitant but some old friends from high school were visiting my town and asked if i wanted to go on a bar crawl with them and i figured duck it it's not like anything will happen other than getting drunk with some pals so why not at the first bar we run into a group of guys from my university i had seen some of them around but never spoke to them before one of my friends decides she's going to force me to get out of my shell and drags our group over to talk with them i'm extremely quiet like weirdly quiet to most people so i end up sitting in the corner of our booth and not saying anything just drinking and feeling awkward well one of the guys in the other group let's call him adam is also being weirdly quiet so my friends and his friends who are already tipsy decide to make things as awkward as possible by making us play truth or dare except we have to drink when we don't want to answer something there are a lot of personal slash sexual questions neither of us want to answer so we end up drinking quite a bit and by the time we are done the first bar adam and i are on a whole different plane of existence from everyone else and it turned out we had a lot in common and he was pretty cute and we are goofing around and laughing the whole time i started to get butterflies in my stomach and not just from the alcohol adam has my exact sense of humor and is really sweet and kind we wander off and start having deep drunk conversations about feeling left out of things and how annoying it is when people say shut like can they speak i tell him i'm walking home and he offers to walk with me i know where this is going but i'm drunk enough that i don't feel nervous plus i feel like i have a genuine connection with this guy our friends are wolf whistling as we leave and instead of being embarrassed i feel weirdly proud so we get to my place talk and smoke for a bit and do the deed i wake up earlier than him and decide i'm going to make a nice breakfast i want to impress him and show him i like him and everyone likes a good breakfast when they have a hangover right so i sneak out of bed and make scrambled eggs french toast and sausage i prefer almond milk so i use that for the eggs and french toast he wakes up and tells me i look just as cute sober at this point i'm convinced he's the love of my life he sees the breakfast and gets excited and i'm like yes my plan worked i'm going to get to his heart through his stomach we eat and everything's going great for a few bites then he makes a weird face and clears his throat his eyes start to widen and he asks me what if there were nuts in the bread or something i say no but i used almond milk he jumps out of his chair and says call an ambulance right now i'm freaking the duck out he's wheezing and stuff and looks absolutely panicked i ask if he has an epipen and he shakes his head no so i call an ambulance and tell them he's having an allergic reaction and paramedics come and haul him off this happened last weekend i have not heard back from him since i found his buddy and confirmed he is not dead i guess accidentally triggering a severe allergic reaction does not lead to romance tldr tried to impress my romantic interest by cooking for him he went into anaphylaxis and no longer wants to speak to me contact him he is probably hella embarrassed too i know i would have been he's all heart eyes and forgot to freaking ask about the food for his own allergies reach out girl be brave i was trying to take your breath away by making you breakfast but not like that i accidentally stabbed my girlfriend before we started dating and we've been together for eight months now over a year since the incident just message him i'm sure he doesn't hate you how do you accidentally stab someone it's easy enough to do after about the fifth time it gets harder to do accidentally

Channel: Rebbit

Views: 425

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/tifu, reddit tifu, tifu, tifu stories, reddit reading, rebbit, rebbit reddit, reddit try not to laugh, reddit cringe compilation, reddit stories, reddit funny, tifu reddit funny, tifu gordon ramsay, TIFU by making such a disgusting smell from my crack it evacuated a courtroom, TIFU by not reading the menu carefully at Gordon Ramsay’s steakhouse, TIFU by making my one-night stand breakfast

Id: D5MPqoG8eRU

Length: 10min 13sec (613 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 15 2020